Just The Two of Us
by NYR88
Summary: Post rescue. Jack and Kate try working on a life together but when Jack is caught between doing the right thing and following his heart will they recover. Jack finally learns something major that will change his life! Includes other Losties!
1. Chapter 1

**JUST THE TWO OF US**

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Lost or any of the characters. **_

**A/N: **Here's the first installment of my new story. It's a post rescue setting and I've skipped over the whole how they got rescued part - not pertinent to the story. I also am skipping over the part of how Kate dealt with her legal issues - just know she's free and NOT running in this story. Hope you guys enjoy it and as always I am a review hog…..

**Prologue: **

The survivors were rescued by a science exploration ship that came into the area. Kate faced authorities when they returned to the mainland but most of the charges were either dismissed or prosecutors refused to file because lack of evidence. Having finally gotten together on the island Jack and Kate return together to his home in Los Angeles. Here is some of the back story of some of the other survivors that may pop up in the story (this includes future things that may be referred to in the story. Just don't want to have to explain everything)

_Hurley _– Back home to the family and his money. Is now convinced he's no the jinx he once thought he was. He's now looking at getting into the music producing business.

_Charlie/Claire_ – initially went to Los Angeles since Charlie wanted to explore the music industry there. Relocated to Seattle to get into the more edgy, independent label music and work as a studio musician while he works on his album. Claire also has an aunt that lives there. Charlie and Claire were married within the first month of returning home.

_Sayid's/Shannon_ – Already having problems on the island they split immediately after getting back to the States. Shannon decided to help her step-mother and head up the division that Boone once ran. Sayid's and John Locke decide to open up a private investigations agency utilizing Sayid's electronic/surveillance knowledge and Locke's tracking/observation skills.

_Sawyer_ – Stayed in Los Angeles temporarily while he decided what to do with his life next. Not going back to his con man past. He also burned the letter as a sign of letting go of the past.

_Sun/Jin_ – Jin went to work in one of Hurley's many companies; his English getting progressively stronger. Sun took a job as a teacher's aide.

_**Note: At this point not sure if I will bring any of the other survivors into the mix. Might be too many to mix in and still make the story flow.**_

**Chapter 1**

Jack's eyes fluttered open as the morning sunlight came through the curtains and bounced around the bedroom basking the room in warmth. Groaning softly at the idea of having to get up he rolled over slightly and came into contact with Kate's sleeping form. Smiling he gently propped himself up on his side and looked down at her, watching how peaceful and relaxed she always looked when she was asleep. He noticed her nose scrunch up a couple of times and wondered what she was dreaming about.

He thought back to their time on the island when he would wake up before her and watch her sleep like he was now. He would marvel at her beauty and think about how lucky he was they found each other. Sometimes he would think about being rescued and wonder if he would get a chance to wake up next to her once they got back home. Now here they were, her legal problems behind them, starting a fresh and new life…together. Jack loved Kate deeply and he was looking forward to that life – the first step finding the right time to give her the ring he had recently purchased and ask her to be his wife.

Looking back down at Kate he reached out and pushed back one of her curls taking it and wrapping it around his finger.

At that moment Kate started to stir slowly opening her eyes she found Jack's handsome face smiling down at her. "Hey." She groggily gave what had become their standard greeting.

"Hey." Jack replied leaning down and giving her a kiss. "'Morning."

"Hummm…'morning." Kate returned the kiss then threw out her arms to stretch and sat up a little in bed. "What time is it?"

"A little after 7:30." He replied glancing at the alarm clock.

"Oohh…"Kate groaned and slid back under the warm covers. "It's too early."

"Too early?" Jack laughed tugging at the covers. "Didn't you use to be an early riser on the island?"

"That was because I was sleeping on sand and cave floors, not a comfy bed." She explained burrowing further under. "I love this bed."

"So you've told me before." Jack chuckled delighted that Kate was enjoying the comfort of his bed. After spending more than one uncomfortable night on the residents cots at the hospital during his internship and residency Jack had promised himself no matter what he would always have the best mattress and bedding he could get at his house. Anything to help get a good night's sleep. His bed was one of the things besides coffee he has missed the most on the island.

"Kaaate." Jack leaned over her covered figure. "Kaaate."

"Humpf." Her muffled response came from under the covers.

"How about some breakfast?" he pulled the comforter back from her head.

"Later." She mumbled.

"Come on." He kissed her neck just under her ear. "I'll make blueberry muffins." He offered knowing they were her favorite.

Kate opened up one eye and looked up at him. "Really?

"Ah-huh." He kissed her neck again. "And eggs scrambled the way you like them."

She seemed to be thinking it over for a moment. "Too early." She finally responded closing her eyes again. "Sleep more…bed cozy."

Pulling back Jack chuckled as he rolled out of bed. Walking out to the kitchen he put on a pot of coffee before returning to the bedroom and jumping in the shower. Emerging 10 minutes later he found Kate still under the covers back asleep.

'_Boy, she wasn't kidding about more sleep'_ Jack laughed to himself. Leaving her there he went back out to the kitchen and settled down to read the morning paper with his coffee.

Sometime later Kate felt herself stirring out of her sleep to the smell of bacon flying and fresh brewed coffee. Sitting up in bed she took another whiff and turned finding a hot cup of coffee on the night stand next to her. _'Jack'_ she thought to herself, smiling. Reaching for the cup she took a sip and let the warm liquid flow down her throat.

Pulling herself out of bed Kate went down the hall to the kitchen where she found Jack, with his back to her, at the stove…cooking. She stood back and watched him silently for a moment admiring him moving gracefully from the counter to the stove. She had to admit there was something sexy about a man in the kitchen…_especially when that man was Jack,_ she added.

Walking up behind him she slipped her arms around his waist and placed a kiss on his bare back.

"Hey sleepyhead, you're finally up." He teased. "I thought I would have to eat all this food myself."

Stepping to the side Kate peered into the frying pan, the smell of eggs filling her nose. "Mushrooms?" she asked.

"Ah-huh"

"Cheese?"

"Of course." Jack bent down and kissed the tip of her nose. "I wouldn't forget that."

Smiling she reached over and took a warm muffin from the basket. Pulling it apart she popped a piece in her mouth enjoying the warm buttery taste that mixed with the blueberries. "Mummm…You are the best." She told him.

"Remember that next time I'm late coming home from work." He teased as he served the eggs on to two plates.

Kate finished up the muffin and reached for another. "What?" she asked noticing Jack's side glance. "I'm hungry."

"So, I see." He laughed sitting down. "You must have worked up an appetite last night."

"That's your fault." She teased grabbing a carton of orange juice and joining him at the table.

"Oh yeah?" Jack laughed flashing the smile she loved. "I don't remember any complaints."

They continued the lighthearted conversation through breakfast as they did most mornings since the rescue. Jack marveled at times at how easily he and Kate had fallen into the everyday routine of not only living with each other but getting back to the real world. Jack had returned to the hospital a couple of weeks after they had settled back, but had cut down the hours he would spend at the hospital. He had told the supervising surgeon that he wanted to avoid being overworked but a large part of motivation was his not wanting to be away from Kate for large gaps of time. He refused to turn into his father and put work ahead of his home life. Kate for her part had gotten a part-time job at a bookstore. It gave her a chance to get out of the house and also made her feel like she was contributing to the household. The last thing she wanted to be, she had told Jack, was a free loader.

"How about we go to the Farmer's Market?" Jack suggested as he helped Kate clean up the kitchen when they were done eating.

"That sounds like fun." She rinsed the last dish and placed it in the drying rack.

"We can grab lunch after." He added.

"Let me jump into the shower." She started down the hall then turned around to face him. "Hey, maybe we can pick up a couple of movies for tonight?"

A short time later the couple was on their way to a local farmer's market where they spent the next few hours walking around looking at the vendor's booth in addition to picking up some fruits and vegetables. After they ate lunch and enjoyed the music from a band performing at the market.

"So, how about this one? Jack asked later at the video shop. He held up a movie case for a Jackie Chan movie. Kate wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Not in the mood."

A few minutes later she approached Jack with her selection which he rejected. "Chick flick."

"And?" she questioned.

"Not in the mood." He teased.

Kate shook her head and put it back. "How about a comedy?" she suggested.

"I was thinking an old murder mystery, "he replied, "Maybe a Hitchcock?"

"Oh, that sounds good." Kate agreed. "You pick the mystery and I'll pick the comedy."

Happy with their selections the couple ventured back home. As Jack maneuvered the SUV down the road he thought back over the day's events. It had been an enjoyable and relaxing Saturday. He marveled at how he and Kate could have fun doing everyday simple things with little effort. Kate could take something as mundane as picking out a bouquet of fresh flowers and inject it with a sense of fun that would have Jack laughing and joking along with her. Halfway through the day he had decided that he would propose to Kate that night. It seemed like the right time to do it and the perfect way to end the day.

Once home they unloaded their purchases before Jack dramatically collapsed on the couch.

"Okay, I'm pooped." He announced.

"Oh yeah?" Kate walked over and laid down half on him and half on the couch. "Me too."

"Oof. Hey!" He sucked in some air as she propped herself on his chest. "Warn me next time."

"What?" She said sweetly locking eyes with him and feeling her heart start to race a little. She loved this man, plain and simple. She loved him more than she had loved any man before. Being with Jack made Kate understand why people wrote poetry and sappy love songs. _You're just filled with such happiness that you want to share it with the world,_ she thought.

Jack reached up and gently caressed her soft curls before dragging his hand down along her jaw line. "You're amazing." He said lovingly.

"Oh yeah?" she purred leaning down to place a light kiss on his lips.

"Ah-huh." He replied returning the kiss. Suddenly feeling mischievous Jack trailed his fingers down her arms to the sides of her waist and stopped. Breaking the kiss he grinned. "Ticklish?"

"Huh?" Kate was still concentrating on their kiss when she felt his fingers start to dig lightly in her sides. "Jack stop!" she giggled.

"Stop what?" He feigned as he continued to tickle her enjoying the sound of her laughter. Kate wiggled her way off of him slapping his hands playfully. "You're not playing fair, Jack." She laughed. "You know how ticklish I am."

Swinging his legs over the side of the couch he stood up and took a step towards her causing Kate to back up. "What? I was just trying to make you laugh." He stated.

"Oh? And here I thought you were trying to kiss me?" she replied.

"Well, that too." He took another step grabbing her waist this time and pulling him to her. Leaning down he planted a lingering kiss on her neck. He heard Kate groan softly as she snaked her arms around his neck.

Suddenly in the background the front doorbell rang causing the couple to break apart.

"You expecting anyone?" Kate asked surprised.

"No. You?" He made his way to the front door as Kate shook her head. Opening it he came face to face with his ex-wife.

"Sarah?" He was totally taken by surprise at seeing the blonde woman standing in the doorway.

"Hi, Jack." She replied nervously.

TBC

_**Upcoming chapter: What does Sarah want? And how does that affect Jack and Kate?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews and feedback. I really enjoy reading what you guys think so far. Keep 'em coming. **

October Sky – Don't worry Sawyer will be appearing along with some of the others. Can't have a story without a little Sawyer in it.

Krisinmtka – Not sure about flashbacks to the rescue. I suck at trying to fit flashbacks in my stories. But you never know I may give it a try if it fits

Ker – Glad you like the bantering. I see them as a couple that can tease each other when they're happy and relaxed.

Angel-death-dealer – Sarah does have bad timing huh? Wait 'til you see what she has to tell him.

Wildjinx - wink…Just picture Jack shirtless in navy pajamas bottoms whipping up some eggs at the stove – that definitely got Kate's blood going…

**Chapter 2**

"Hi Jack." Sarah greeted nervously.

Jack stood there for a short moment surprised at the sight of his ex-wife. Finally he found his voice. "Sarah…what…ahum…are you doing here?"

She looked around and tried to smile. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure." He moved out of the way to let her in.

As she walked in Sarah found herself face to face with a confused looking Kate. Jack made the brief introductions. "Sarah, this is Kate." Both women exchanged a polite but guarded 'hello'. Kate instantly feeling her world being invaded.

"What's going on?" Jack asked stuffing his hands into his jean pockets and taking a short deep breath.

Sarah grabbed at her purse nervously as she diverted her attention from Kate from a moment. She had been taken a little aback by Kate's presence. She had read in the media coverage following the rescue that Jack had gotten involved with one of the other survivors during their time on the island and she had seen her picture in the papers. Kate was definitely prettier in person than in her photos. She had a very natural beauty, Sarah noted, one that didn't need a lot of makeup to enhance.

"Can I…ah…talk to you alone?" Sarah requested.

Jack and Kate exchanged glances before Kate nodded quickly. "I'll go start dinner." She said and walked out to the kitchen.

Jack pointed Sarah down the hall. "Let's go into the den." He suggested and led her to the room that doubled as his office. A wooden desk with a leather chair stood prominently in the front of a wall size bookcase. In the corner a small comfortable couch and matching chair with a coffee table in front and a TV against the wall. A rug on the floor and several pictures on the wall gave the room a comfortable feeling.

"Have a seat." Jack pointed to the couch as he sat on the chair. He was curious about why Sarah was there. They had divorced 2 years earlier after Sarah had become involved with a co-worker at her public relations firm. She had called him shortly after the rescue to tell him she was glad he was okay, but it was a quick and somewhat awkward conversation.

Sarah sat down at the couch her attention immediately caught by a picture on the coffee table. It was a photo of the survivors. From what Sarah could guess from the leis they all wore it was taken while they were all still in Hawaii – their first stop in the states. Her attention was drawn to the end of the group where Jack stood with Kate in front of him – his arms wrapped around her waist and Kate's hands lovingly placed on his forearms, a big smile on each of their faces. Sarah felt a twinge of envy – she remembered what it felt like to be loved by Jack.

"So, how have you been, Jack?" Sarah asked as she pulled her eyes away from the picture.

"I'm good." He replied.

"Settling back into the routine, okay?" she turned and looked at him, her blue eyes showing her concern.

"Yeah, _we_ have." Jack slowly replied recognizing Sarah's stall tactic. She would always do that when she was nervous to talk about something. "Sarah, what did you want to talk about?"

The young woman coughed nervously. "Could I have a glass of water?" she asked.

Raising an eyebrow Jack nodded and walked over to the area behind his desk where there was a small refrigerator. Reaching in he pulled out a bottle of water and walked it back over.

Sarah glanced behind him at the appliance before taking the bottle. "That's convenient." She commented.

"Yeah, Kate's idea." Jack sat back down in the chair. "She likes to read in here sometimes and I usually watch the game in here so she thought it would be nice not to have to always get up and run into the kitchen."

Sarah nodded but didn't say anything. _'She likes to read in here',_ Jack's words repeated in her head. _'Kate must be living here.'_ Sarah thought to herself flashing back to the ease with which Kate announced that she was starting dinner.

"So…Sarah…" Jack prodded again.

She nodded and took another sip of her water. "Ahum…well…I hadn't been feeling good lately…since before your…accident…the crash."

"Really?" he sat up a bit with a concern in his voice. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I was feeling tired…really tired…just feeling out of whack. I thought at first that I was working too much."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"Yeah, but he didn't find anything wrong." She told him. Jack could hear her voice tightening as if trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Did you want me to run more tests?" he offered. "Or recommend a specialist?"

She shook her head looking down at her hands. "No." she said softly. "I went in for my annual exam and my gynecologist ran some extra tests."

Jack waited a moment to see if Sarah would continue but she remained silent. "What did they find?" he asked softly.

This time when Sarah looked up her eyes were brimming with tears. "I…ahum…I have ovarian cancer." She chocked out. "I'm dying Jack."

Meanwhile in the kitchen Kate was going about making dinner while her mind was on Sarah and her visit. _'What could she possibly want with Jack?'_ She thought as she chopped up some vegetables. While still on the island Jack had confided to Kate about his marriage and what led to the break-up. She knew Sarah had gotten involved with one of the guys she worked with and had even moved in with him when she and Jack separated.

Kate felt a slight pang of jealousy even though she felt secure in her relationship with Jack. He was a good man, he was handsome, a successful doctor and very charming when he wanted to be. He had caught more than his share of attention from women after the rescue. He had even gotten letters from women offering everything from a memorable one night stand to marriage proposals to women offering to have his child. Jack had taken none of them seriously and was a little more than embarrassed at the media's efforts to make him into some sort of hunky cover boy.

But Sarah was different. She had shared a life with Jack at one point, shared memories of good times spent together – images that probably still tugged at Jack's heart every once in a while. _'Maybe the plane crash had made Sarah realize she still loved Jack'_, Kate thought as she tore the lettuce leaves into chunks. _'Maybe she wants him back'_ she worried as she tossed the greens into a salad bowl.

"I'm dying Jack." Sarah repeated.

Jack looked at her in disbelief. "What? Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes." She whispered, then stood up and walked over to the front of his desk. "After she got the test results my doctor sent me to a gyn ocologist for a second opinion. He had the same diagnosis so they did an exploratory surgery and found I have ovarian cancer stage II." She explained repeating words she had heard several times over and over in the last week.

Jack looked over at the young woman in silence. Still processing what she had told him he wasn't sure what to say next. "I'm sorry." He finally said if only to break the silence hanging over them.

Sarah nodded but turned away her shaking shoulders giving away her silent sobs. Telling Jack had been the hardest thing she had done so far since learning of her fate. The only child of deceased parent her only other relative was an elderly aunt that lived in a nursing home in Boston – Jack was the closest thing she had to family left.

Taking a deep breath Jack got up and made his way over to Sarah taking her in his arms. Sarah buried her face in his shoulder and let go. She cried while he silently comforted her feeling tears building up in his own eyes. He felt helpless at this moment. Even with all of his medical knowledge he couldn't think of anything to say that would make her even a little better.

Sarah for her part felt good to have somebody to lean on if only for this moment. She was tired of holding it in and tired of trying to put a brave face on as she had for her friends that she had recently told. But here in Jack's arms she could just let out all the tears and all the pent up emotions that she had been carrying around like a sack of bricks.

Jack held her until her tears stopped then gently guided her back over to the couch handing her a box of Kleenex as he sat next to her his hand intertwined in hers. Pushing back her hair Jack looked at her. "What did the doctor say the next step is?"

Brushing the Kleenex across her nose she sniffled, "He's waiting for my blood work to come back but at this point he's already talking about scheduling a surgery to remove my ovaries." She explained.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and squeezed her hand. He knew once her ovaries were removed she would be facing chemotherapy treatments and probably more surgery if the cancer spread; and all of this she was facing essentially alone. "Sarah, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" he offered.

Reaching over with her free hand Sarah brought it up to Jack's saddening face and touched his cheek. She couldn't believe how supportive he was trying to be – even after she had caused him so much pain and walked away from their marriage he was sitting there asking what he could do for her. There was something but Sarah had been hesitant to ask especially after assessing Jack's apparently serious relationship with Kate. She wasn't sure he would agree but she had to ask. She had to try.

"Actually, there is a favor…something that you can do for me." She said slowly.

Jack gave her a half smile glad that she was reaching out for help. "What'd you need me to do?"

She took a deep breath and took a moment before she spoke. "I need you to marry me."

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Sarah further explains about the "favor". _**


	3. Chapter 3 The Favor

**A/N: Thanks to everybody that reviewed. Loved all your feedback. It was fun to see that I threw some of you for a loop with that last chapter. Gotta warn you this is not a short story so I hope you all stick with me and I hope I'm able to keep you interested. As usual let me know. **

Disclaimer of the moment – Besides not owning Lost or it's characters I also do not own the song "Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You" used in this chapter or the singer Glen Mendieros.

**Chapter 3**

"You need me to what?" Jack asked, not sure he heard her correctly.

"I need you to marry me again." Sarah repeated.

"You're joking right?" he replied pulling his hand back from Sarah's. He noticed the look on her face. "You can't be serious?"

"I am serious, Jack." Sarah said.

Jack took a deep breath and sat back on the couch slowly shaking his head. "Sarah, look I know that this has got to be a hell of a bad time for you right now, but where is this coming from?" he wanted to know. "You and I getting married…just like that?"

Sarah nodded her head as she looked over at him slumped down on the couch. She knew no matter how she approached this it was going to shock Jack especially coming on the heels of her first news. "I know I caught you off guard…"

"To say the least."

"But I'm not going crazy Jack, despite what you might be thinking." She replied guessing what must be going through his head.

"I don't think you're going crazy Sarah. I know this is probably a reaction to feeling alone and scared about what you're facing, but trying to marry me isn't the answer. I mean I'll be there to give you support and help as I can, but…ahum…I'm involved with Kate…and…"

"I know." She replied softly. 'I know you have a life, but please give me a chance to explain." She took his hand again and gave it a small squeeze. "Please, just hear me out."

Shrugging his shoulders he nodded. He'd listen, but he knew it wouldn't change how he felt.

She took a moment before she spoke again as if trying to formulate her words. "I left the P.R. firm about a year ago and contracted myself out as a freelancer. The money was good and I liked being my own boss." She played with a wadded up Kleenex as she spoke. "But when I started feeling rundown and sick I wasn't able to work as much. "

"Sarah…if you need some money…" Jack started to say guessing that was what she was leading up to, but Sarah shook her head.

"It's not like that." She interrupted. "At least not right now, but I know my medical expenses are going to start to pile up and I didn't get medical insurance when I left the firm. I was always going to get around to it, but I never did. And well…" she babbled. "Anyway, from a practical point part of this does have to do with that. Marrying you would mean I could go on your plan at the hospital and I'd be covered."

"Sarah…" he started again.

But Sarah waved him off. She started speaking a little faster as she was getting more nervous. "There's so much I need to get done. There's the surgery he wants to do to remove the ovaries, but he's also talking about possibly having to have a hysterectomy if it spread. And then there's the chemo treatments and maybe radiation and I have to think about hospice care too." She could feel her tears starting to threaten again.

"Sarah…" Jack said softly putting his hand on top of hers this time and reaching out with his other to turn her face towards him. His eyes showing the compassion he felt over her situation and his need to try to understand her.

Suddenly Sarah realized how she sounded…like some opportunistic bitch. "Oh Jack, I don't mean it to sound like I'm trying to use you. It's just the counselor I went to see had me thinking about everything I'm going to face and I don't have any family, Jack, you know that. I don't want to face this alone. "She said her voice sounding small and frail. "I can't."

Jack's heart felt pained at her words. He knew it was difficult for her to come over and sit there and propose the idea to him. Sarah had never been really good at taking care of herself either. For all the signs she put out as this strong willed career woman she was for all intents and purposes a sheltered woman. Her father had taken care of her through her college years and even after until she was engaged the first time. After her accident it was Jack who took care of her until she met someone else and left. He wasn't sure Sarah knew how to be alone for any real period of time. He looked as she watched him with a hopeful look on her face.

"Jack, please say something."

"I'll be there for you Sarah, like I said. I'll support you anyway I can. I'll go with you to your doctor's appointment, help explain things…I'll even take you to your chemo treatments if you need, but marriage…"

She stood up wiping a tear from her cheek. "I need somebody that's going to be there when I get so sick I can't make any decisions. I need somebody that can do that for me. Somebody that I can lean on and hold my hand when I get to scared to face it anymore. And as shallow as it sounds I need medical insurance." She replied not know what she could say to get him to see it from her point of view. She was dying, she was scared and she needed him.

"Where is Randy?" Jack finally asked referring to the man she left him for.

"He took a job in London." She sighed. "But we haven't been together in over a year. I heard he's getting married next month." Sarah turned and kneeled in front of Jack. Looking into his eyes she reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. "I know what I'm asking you to do and you must think I'm crazy, but I wouldn't be asking if I thought I had another alternative." She spoke quietly. "And it's not like its forever." She added solemnly.

"Don't say that." Jack whispered emotionally. "It's not funny."

"I'm not trying to be funny." She replied standing up. "I'm being a realist. I've got a disease that's probably in all likelihood going to kill me."

Jack stood up abruptly and walked over to the window that looked out to the side of the house. His mind was reeling with this conversation. First the shocking news of Sarah's diagnosis and now this proposal of marriage, that was the last thing he expected his ex-wife to ask. Dragging his hand over his hair his eyes caught sight of a small rose bush against the fence. A bush Kate had just planted last week in her bid to makeover the backyard. His mind flashed to Kate, their day together and the plan he had earlier to propose to her that night. He was in love with Kate and he knew that was who he wanted to spend his life with. As much as he felt sorry for Sarah and what she was going through and what she would be facing he knew he couldn't marry her – he couldn't sacrifice his future with Kate.

"Jack…"Sarah's voice broke into his thoughts.

Taking a deep breath he turned back around. "I'm sorry, Sarah." He said tearfully. "I can't do what you're asking." He could see the tears in his eyes from where he stood across the room. "I want to help you. I do. My offer still stands to support you how I can, but I can't go back to being your husband."

She nodded and dabbed her eyes with the Kleenex. She knew it was a long shot that he would agree, but she took the gamble anyway, hoping his compassion would win out and he's agree. "Please just promise me you'll think about it overnight." She suggested anyway.

"Sarah, I'm not going to change my mind." He said trying to be as gentle as he could. "I'm sorry."

Picking up her purse she could feel the tears coming back again. Not wanting to break down again in front of Jack she told him she'd see herself out and quickly walked out of the den down the hall and out the front door.

Kate heard the front door close and a car start up. Looking out the kitchen window she saw a pair of headlights pull out and drive away. Figuring Jack would come in shortly she continued seasoning the salmon they had decided on for dinner humming along with the radio. She found herself having fun 'playing house' with Jack and she had to admit she was starting to think about their future more and more. Jack made it seem easy to start wanting a real home, maybe even kids. Kate giggled to herself – she a mom? That was a thought that hadn't crossed her mind since she had heard the tape she and Tom had made all that time long ago. She had scoffed at Tom's joke about having 10 kids. But now here she was humming to herself thinking about a little boy with Jack's eyes and his compassion for others or a little girl with her freckles and her strong sense of independence and not scoffing at the idea anymore.

Kate was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Jack leaning against the entry way of the kitchen starting at her. A small smile crept up on his face as he watched her humming to a song on the radio as she chopped something on the counter, her hips swaying gently to the beat. He pushed thoughts of Sarah and her plight aside instead focusing on the view in front of him. She looked happy and relaxed as she fussed about. Gone was that blanket of constant vigilance that she had when they were first on the island. She had shed that along with her fear of being discovered soon after the crash only to regain it when the rescue boat arrived. But it was gone for good now. Kate was truly free and able to enjoy life again. And she was doing just that pulling him along for the ride. She got him to let go of some of his reserve and laugh at the little things again.

His mind flashed to a time just after they were home Kate tried her hand at making a home made chocolate cake to surprise him. But while it was in the oven she had decided to join Jack in the shower and one thing led to another and an hour later they laid in bed snuggling when the smell of burnt cake waffled into the bedroom.

"_Oh my god" Kate sat up and quickly pulled herself out of Jack's arms. _

"_What?" Jack questioned wrinkling his nose at the smell. "Were you cooking something?" _

_Kate looked around the room and grabbed his shirt from the chair next to her. Quickly she slipped it on. "I was making you a cake and I lost track of time." _

"_You forgot you had it in the oven?" Jack replied incredulously._

"_Yeah, well I had something else occupying my mind, didn't I?" she replied as her fingers clumsily fastened the buttons._

_Before he could reply a loud chirp started up – the smoke alarm._

"_Oh damn!" Kate cursed running out into the hall. _

_Jack jumped out of bed and looked around for a pair of pants. He knew she wouldn't be able to reach the alarm without some help. Finally locating his pajama bottoms he slipped them on as the chirping noise continued. By the time he got to the kitchen he found Kate standing next to the open oven door with black smoke billowing out – the source a blackened charred piece of what Jack could only guess was once a cake. Reaching up he pushed the alarm button and shut it off._

_Turning around he found Kate was near tears at the idea of having burnt the cake and ruined her surprise for him. "I'm sorry." She sniffled._

"_Honey, it's okay." Jack replied taking a step towards her to embrace her. "It's not that big of a deal."_

"_But I wanted to surprise you." She said letting him pulled her into his arms. _

"_Well, you did surprise me." He replied. "And at least you didn't burn the kitchen down." He joked. Kate started to cry. "Honey, I'm sorry I was just kidding." He pulled her back from him and tried to smile at her._

_Before she could say anything and almost as if on cue the sprinkler system started up and they were doused in water. _

"_What the hell?" Jack looked up as a spray of water reined down on him and Kate. "Those are only suppose to go off in a fire." He ran out over to the control box and hit the emergency button. Returning he found Kate standing at the kitchen running water on the black pile of ash in the skin. Her hair wet and shirt damp from the sprinkler system. _

_Looking up at him she bit her bottom lip before breaking out into a smile that turned into a laugh. "I guess I should use an egg timer next time, huh?" she giggled. _

_Her laughter became infectious and Jack couldn't help but laugh. "Probably a good idea." He laughed. "Let's get you a towel."_

Smiling to himself at the memory Jack brought himself back to the present. Silently he walked over to Kate and placed his hands on her hips momentarily stopping their movement.

"Hey, there you are." She remarked leaning back slightly against him. "Dinner should be ready soon."

Nuzzling his face into her hair he inhaled the scent that was so familiar to him now. A mixture of ginger and vanilla from the body lotion Kate loved to wear and an underlying scent that was all her own. "Dance with me." He whispered as he kissed the side of her neck.

"What?" Kate smiled not sure she heard him right.

Reaching over to the radio on the counter Jack raised the volume before tugging at her waist. "Dance with me." He repeated.

Kate let herself get turned around to face him. "Are you serious? You want to dance right now? Here?" She giggled.

"Ah-huh, right here, right now…with you." He replied seductively leading her out to the center of the kitchen as the ballad filled the room.

_**If I had to live my life without you near me**_

_**The days would all be empty**_

_**The nights would seem so long**_

Jack wrapped his arms around Kate's waist pulling her closer to him

_**With you I see forever oh so clearly**_

_**I might have been in love before**_

_**But it never felt this strong** _

Sighing contently Kate slid her arms up around Jack's neck and laid her face on his chest. In turn Jack laid his chin against the side of her forehead. A perfect fit.

_**Our dreams are young and we both know**_

_**They'll take us where we want to go**_

_**Hold me now**_

_**Touch me now**_

_**I don't want to live without you**_

Snuggling her body closer to Jack's she closed her eyes and followed the music letting Jack lead her secure in his warm embrace.

_**Nothing's gonna change my love for you**_

_**You ought to know by now how much I love you**_

_**One thing you can be sure of**_

_**I'll never ask for more than your love **_

_**Nothing's gonna change my love for you **_

_**You ought to know by now how much I love you**_

_**The world may change my whole life through**_

_**But nothing's gonna change my love for you**_

The soft glow from the kitchen light surrounded the couple and seemed to soothe Jack's nerves. He was glad that Kate hadn't asked about what Sarah had wanted to discuss. He knew she had to be curious but was probably waiting until they sat down for dinner to ask. For now he surrendered himself to the soft ballad of the song and the feeling of Kate in his arms.

_**If the road ahead is not so easy**_

_**Our love will lead the way for us**_

_**Like a guiding star**_

_**I'll be there for you if you should need me**_

_**You don't have to change a thing**_

_**I love you just the way you are**_

_**So come with me and share the view**_

_**I'll help you see forever too**_

_**Hold me now**_

_**Touch me now**_

_**I don't want to live without you**_

Kate meanwhile was taken back to the first time she danced with Jack while they were on the island. She was covering one of the late shifts in the Hatch waiting for Benard to arrive to relieve her. Jack had managed to stay around to as he had teased _'Keep you from falling asleep and destroying the world._'

They had pulled out and started going through the album collection sampling different songs. The topic of whether Jack could dance or not had come up and Kate had teased him saying he probably had 2 left feet. The next thing she knew Jack had selected Frank Sinatra's song "The Way You Look Tonight" and was offering his hand. A few moments later Kate found herself wrapped up in his arms and he smoothly led her in a slow dance. After an awkward moment of being so close to each other had passed they found themselves enjoying the feel of their bodies pressed against each other moving in perfect synch to the beat of the song…Jack even humming softly in her ear. They had continued to the next song and the next until Benard interrupted them with a polite clearing of his throat to announce his arrival.

Now back in the kitchen the two continued until the song ended and the announcer came on talking. Pulling back just a little Jack held Kate's eyes with his for a moment before nuzzling her nose with his.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." She replied planting a light kiss on his lips.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Jack tells Kate about Sarah's illness and her proposal. And Kate says….. _**


	4. Chapter 4 Guilty Thoughts

**A/N: Here's the next update. It's a little shorter chapterbut I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. I'llget the next chapter up quicker since I'm already starting it. As usual let me know what you think...I enjoy all of your comments and thoughts! Enjoy! **

**Chapter 4**

Kate walked into the quiet bedroom carrying a breakfast tray with 2 mugs of fresh coffee, some fresh fruit and warm croissants – their usual Sunday morning breakfast. The sun darting through the curtains gave the room a cheerful glow. Placing the tray on the nightstand she pulled out the morning paper from under her arm and slipped back under the covers.

Jack was still asleep, lightly snoring, next to her. She had sensed him tossing in his sleep and figured he must be dealing with something heavy. She had asked him about Sarah's visit the night before but he had begged off promising to talk about it in the morning. His reluctance to talk had made Kate a little nervous. _Why was he trying to avoid discussing it?_ She thought. _Did he have something bad to tell her?_

Unfolding the newspaper Kate reached over for a mug and sip some of the coffee while she glanced over the headlines trying to distract her thoughts.

"Tell me you have some coffee for me." Jack's groggy voice suddenly sounded.

Titling her head and smiling Kate reached over and handed him the mug she had waiting for him. "Morning" she greeted.

"You're up early this morning." He commented sipping the hot liquid.

"Not really, you just slept in." she teased handing him a portion of the paper. Since their return from the island this had become their regular Sunday morning ritual. A light breakfast while they laid in bed reading the paper. They spend the time commenting on new stories or pictures and chatting about little things that had gone on during the week. It was their time to spend with each other with minimal, if any, interruptions.

But this morning Kate's curiousness had peaked and she didn't think she could wait much longer for him to bring up the topic.

"So…" she started as she nibbled on a croissant. "Are you going to tell me what Sarah wanted?"

Jack sighed putting down the paper. He had tossed and turned during the night going over what Sarah would be facing, trying to think of something that would help her – some way to ease some of her distress, but so far there was nothing.

"Jack…" Kate's voice sounded a little worried. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Sarah's dying." He finally said plain and simple.

"What?" She asked not sure she had heard right. "She's dying? How?"

Turning slightly to face her Jack nodded. "She's been diagnosed with ovarian cancer." He went on to explain what Sarah had told him about her illness. As Jack spoke Kate reached over and took his hand in hers laying it on her lap in a supportive gesture. She watched his eyes tear slightly and heard the emotion in his voice.

"Oh Jack, I'm so sorry." Kate said sadly. "I can't imagine how she must be feeling."

"Actually, she's holding up pretty well considering, but it could also be she's still in shock and processing everything. She mentioned she's working with a counselor too." He explained while silently debating whether to tell her the part about the marriage proposal he had so far left out.

"You know," Kate said softly. "If there's anything she needs I'd like to help."

Jack smiled warmly at her appreciating her gesture and knowing she was sincere about it. "Thanks." He said taking a deep breath and deciding to fill her in on the rest. "You know, she…ahum…she did ask for a favor as she put it…an outrageous one."

"Really, what did she want?" Kate took the plate of fruit and passed some to Jack. She couldn't imagine what could be outrageous.

"She asked me to remarry her." He stated quickly realizing like removing a Band-Aid it was better to just do it quickly.

Turning she locked eyes with him trying to see if he was serious, though she couldn't imagine him trying to make a joke at this point. "What?" she finally asked her eyes showing confusion.

"She asked me to remarry her." He repeated.

"You're serious?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Jack put the plate of food down and reached over and took both her hands in his trying to pull her a little closer almost as if he was trying to assure her. "Yeah, but Kate I think she's just scared and facing a mountain of medical bills. She's thinking she could go on my insurance plan with the hospital since she doesn't have insurance of her own." He told her. "I turned her down, of course." He added quickly.

"Did she really think you would say yes?" Kate asked surprised with a touch of anger in her tone. To think Sarah thought she could just walked back into Jack's life after the way she hurt him and expect him to drop everything for her.

Jack reached up and brushed back a curl from Kate's face leaving his hand on her cheek to caress it. God he loved looking into this face every morning when he woke up and every night when he went to bed. She had eyes that would probe every inch of his soul to gauge his mood and her smile…God he loved her smile especially when it was a genuine smile that reached her eyes…it made him realize what he had been missing in his life before the crash. "I'm not sure what she thought." He finally spoke. "She's just in a tough place with no one to really lean on. Her parents are dead and she doesn't really have any other family."

"What about that guy she was dating?"

"Apparently they broke it off awhile back. He's living overseas and getting ready to get married soon."

While a part of her was still angry about the proposal Kate did feel for Sarah. She couldn't imagine facing a terminal illness and then not having anyone to count on, to be there for her. What would she do? Kate thought to herself. "I feel bad for her…being alone." She whispered.

"Yeah, I know." He took her hand in his again bringing it up to his lips and kissing it lightly. "I told her I'd support her as best I could."

Nodding Kate offered up a small smile. "I will too."

They spent the rest of the day at home, Jack catching up on some medical journals and Kate out in the yard planting. While on the island she had discovered an enjoyment working in Sun's garden. It felt good to get her hands dirty planting seeds and tending to them as they grew. It was peaceful and calm there in the middle of the jungle and fun to see the plants as they developed. Now back in the real world Kate had tackled the bare ground that Jack called his backyard planting several different perennials, vines and flowering plants along the block fence and in pots and different beds along the patio. She had also added in some rose bushes making sure to plant her favorite peach colored across from the window of their bedroom. Jack had also surprised her with her own gardening kit that included tools, gloves and a cushioned mat to kneel on.

Sitting on the ground digging Kate found her mind wondering to Sarah's situation. Though her knowledge was limited on ovarian cancer she had heard it was a difficult disease to diagnose because there were no real early symptoms. Jack had explained that unless it was caught in the first stage survival rates were low especially if it spread to the other organs. So here was a woman not much older than Kate facing long hours in doctor's offices, hospitals doing test after test and then the chemo…

As she thought more about it her thoughts shifted to her own mother and Diane's battle with cancer. A cloud of heavy guilt came over Kate as she thought about how her mom had faced her illness alone. No one there for her on a regular basis to help her when the chemo made her too weak to get up, too sick to eat and not to mention having to struggle with mountain medical bills and trying to find a way to pay them. Her diner job hardly afforded her any health insurance and there came a point where Diane could no longer work full-time and had to go on county assistance.

'_I should have been there'_ Kate told herself. '_She needed her daughter'_ And even with Diane's reaction to her ill-fated visit to the hospital Kate wished she had been able to be there and able to care for her – take some of the burden from her shoulders.

'_Sarah shouldn't be alone_.' Kate thought as she placed a flower in the hole she had dug and patted down the dirt surrounding it. '_Nobody should face death alone.'_

Kate spent the rest of the day with her thoughts bouncing between Sarah and Diane trying to figure out what more she could do for the young woman.

As they started their work week routine Kate found herself still feeling guilty about Diane and sadness about Sarah. She knew Sarah needed Jack and as much as Kate loved him and wanted to be with him she knew in her heart they couldn't turn their backs on her. Kate wasn't able to help Diane but she was in a position to help Sarah.

"Hey!" Jack's voice broke into her thoughts. "Where did you go to?"

Kate's attention was jarred back to the present as she and Jack sat in their dining room.

"You okay?" his voice holding a touch of concern.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I was…ahum…I was thinking about Sarah." She admitted.

"Sarah? Really?" Jack reached over and took her hand in his. "How come?"

"She's facing a pretty touch road. I can't imagine what I'd do if that were me."

Jack gave her hand a squeeze. "Thank God it's not." As he spoke he noticed how Kate's eyes seemed to cloud over. He could tell something was on her mind. "Kate, what's wrong?"

"This is hard for me." Kate started her voice sounding small. Taking her hand out of his she reached up and cupped his face her heart hurting as she looked into his eyes. "But I've been thinking a lot about this."

"Thinking about what?" Jack asked confused by her behavior.

She held his gaze for a moment longer before looking back down at the table. "You need to remarry Sarah." She announced softly. "It's the right thing to do."

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: WTF? Kate's reasoning…. In a word TRANSFERENCE_**


	5. Chapter 5 The Sacrifice

**A/N: Thanks guys for all the reviews so far. Love to hear what you think of the progress of the story. Side note – After the next chapter I'm planning on bringing in more of the survivors to the story. Just had to work on the foundation with these first 6 or so chapters. **

**Orlando-crazy – I'll work on updating sooner**

**Summer Rain – No mental illness for Kate – just a lot of guilt…**

**Chris Anthony – Thanks for the reviews and kind words. Pretty cool coming from the guy that's writing my favorite story at the moment. And yes, Sarah did handle badly but she's desperate and clingy.**

**Ker – Kate is a good person. She just may be carrying it a little too far this time.**

**Chapter 5**

Jack stared at the young woman sitting next to him for a moment almost as if he didn't recognize her. What the hell did she just say?

"You want me to what?" he finally spat out.

"Jack…"

"No!" he interrupted. "You've got to be kidding me. I didn't just hear you say to remarry Sarah." The surprise in his voice was mixed with confusion.

"Hear me out, Jack." Kate replied trying to reach over to grab his hand again but Jack pulled back.

"Why Kate? I'm not remarrying Sarah." He stood up from the dining table and walked over to the glass patio door leaning on the frame. Glancing back over to Kate he saw her nervously playing with her hands waiting for the chance to explain.

"Jack, please." She pleaded softly, her voice filling the silence. "Please."

"Go ahead."

Taking a deep breath she quickly formulated how to start. "Sarah's all alone, you said so yourself. I know what that's like, to have to depend on just yourself to survive. It's hard day after day and each time it takes a little more out of you until you get to where you feel like nobody cares.

"Kate…"

She shook her head telling him not to interrupt. "I'm not trying to make it sound like running from the law was similar to what Sarah is facing. It's not, but that feeling of being alone is. I know what it's like to lay awake at 3 o'clock in the morning alone and scared with nobody to put their arms around you and tell you 'its okay' that 'its alright.' "

"Kate, I get that you feel bad for Sarah, I do too. But I can't marry her. I'm not in love with her. I love you." He replied defiantly.

"This isn't about love, Jack."

He looked at her for a moment, her eyes moist with tears, not sure where this decision was coming from. None of it made any sense to Jack. "Since when isn't marriage suppose to be about love?" he finally countered.

For a few long seconds Kate didn't reply. She knew it was going to be a difficult battle to get Jack to agree with her, but she didn't count on her resolve start to weaken. She knew it was a crazy idea to send the man she loved back to his ex-wife. To give up her future with Jack, after finally getting a clear shot at one, but she also knew that it wouldn't be forever. They would be together eventually, morbid as that sounded. She had faith in their love and their ability to endure this separation.

"My mother died alone." She finally said softly. "She was in the hospital alone with nobody to hold her hand, to tell her it was okay to let go. To be there when…when it was time." Her voice got choked up as she spoke. "I should have been there."

Feeling her pain radiate between them Jack walked over and knelt down in front of her. Placing his hands on her arms he looked into her eyes. "Honey, I know you still have a lot of hurt over your mom's death and I understand it – my dad died alone too. And maybe if I had gone after him sooner I could have prevented that…" he swallowed hard. "But Kate, Sarah isn't your mom."

"I know." Kate reached up and placed her hand on the back of his head threading her fingertips in his hair. He was wearing it a little longer these days and she had to admit she liked it. "I know she's not my mom. But don't you see Jack, I couldn't help my mom but I…we can help Sarah."

"And we will Kate." Jack told her. "But not like this." He slowly stood up pulling her up with him. They stood there inches apart staring into each other each trying to get the other to silently understand their side.

"I love you." Kate finally said.

Smiling Jack clasped her hands in his bringing them up to this mouth to kiss them. "Good because I love you too." He figured the discussion was over.

"You are the most caring and compassionate man I have ever met." She smiled even as tears brimmed in her eyes. "You help people, you make them feel safe and good. That's why everybody on the island looked to you to lead them – because of your nature."

Suddenly Jack realized the discussion was far from over. "Where's this going Kate?"

"You know you've got to do everything you can for Sarah otherwise you'll never feel right about this. And I know I wouldn't feel right if you don't." she explained.

"Why?" Jack asked. "Why is this so important to you? You don't even know Sarah."

Kate bit her bottom lip and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure why this was so important but it was.

"Kate," Jack cupped her faced and pulled it up to look into her eyes. "Talk to me. Why do you want me to marry another woman?"

Kate took Jack's hand and silently led him to the couch in the living room. Sitting down next to him she wiped a small tear from her cheek. "Sarah needs you Jack." She insisted. "You're the only one left for her to turn to. I hate the idea of her having to face her death alone like my mother did." By now a few more tears had started to fall and she quickly wiped them away. "Jack, please if you won't do this for Sarah, then do it for me."

"For you?" he asked feeling his own emotions coming to the surface.

She nodded quickly. "I need to you to do this so that I know we did everything possible otherwise it's always going to be between us and it's going to cause problems in the future." She tried to explain.

"Kate, you can't be serious." He retorted.

"Yes, I am serious! I'm very serious. I need you to do this." She cried.

Jack tried to reach over to comfort her but she pushed him away. "I'm not throwing away our future on this!" He angrily told her.

Kate walked over to the fireplace and wrapped her arms protectively around her waist. Her head was starting to hurt and she felt tired. "It's for our future." She finally said softly. "I know if you do this it won't hang over our heads."

"So what you're trying to tell me is that I either marry Sarah or I risk losing you…us in the end?" Jack's voice was now laced with heavy emotion. He knew Kate had always carried guilt but he didn't know how heavy it seemed to be. Looking over at her with her back turned to him he could see her shoulders shaking slightly from the tears she was now shedding. She was adamant about him doing this. "Kate…" he said softly standing up and taking a couple of steps towards her. "Are you really willing to walk away from…from us?"

With her back still to him she nodded her head. "I'm not _walking away_ " She hated that term. "I'm stepping back to make us stronger…in the end."

Taking a deep breath he took another couple of steps towards Kate and wrapped his arms around her shoulders burying his face into her hair inhaling her scent…one he had almost memorized.

Reaching up she grabbed his forearms and pulled him closer to her. "Please Jack you need to do this for _me_." She whispered.

Jack knew she was using her trump card. Since the island when she first asked him to retrieve the marshal's briefcase to the time he helped Sawyer with his headache at her request he knew he would do almost anything for her…and he knew that Kate knew that too.

"Kate, "He kissed the side of her head tasting the salt of his own tears. "You don't know what you're asking."

Turning around in his embrace to face him she cupped his face with both hands and met his tear lined gaze with her own tears. "You are the most amazing man I have ever met. You brought out feelings in me that I never thought I'd feel. You showed me that I was a good person that could have good things happened in her life. When I'm with you I feel safe and loved – no man has ever done that for me." She said softly.

"Then why…?" Jack choked out.

Putting a finger on his lips she continued. "You need to do this, please." She said. "I know in my heart we will survive this. Please Jack."

Holding her gaze for a moment Jack saw how deeply she felt about this in her eyes. There was a pleading and anxiousness he hadn't seen in Kate before. And she was looking to him for help. "Okay," he finally said softly. "For you, I'll do this."

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Jack and Kate say goodbye and make each other a promise…_**


	6. Ch 6 Hold on to the Night

**A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter.This is suppose to be an emotional chapter and I hope I got the sentiment right. Thanks to everybody for the reviews! Love to hear what you think of the story so far so keep them coming. And just a couple of side notes - other survivors should start making appearances in the near future, also if there was a soundtrack to this story the song playing in the last part of this chapter would be Richard Marx "Hold on to the Nights"...(yes, an 80's power ballad)...**

**Chapter 6**

The next day with a heavy heart Jack called Sarah and told her he would do her the favor. He could hear the excitement in her voice at hearing the news. She told him she would make the arrangements and get back to him.

The day after Kate tearfully packed her stuff. She had put her luggage in her SUV while Jack hid himself away in his office. Kate walked into the bedroom double checking to see if she had left anything behind. On the dresser she spotted a photo album. Picking it up she flipped through the various pictures of she and Jack, some of them included their fellow survivors taken during their time after the rescue as they returned to the states. She smiled at the one of Jack, Hurley and Charlie – Charlie had turned and planted a kiss on Jack's cheek just as the picture was snapped causing all three to laugh as evident by the next picture.

Flipping the page she came to the pictures taken when Jack took Kate to Disneyland. _"I can't believe you've never been." _Jack had told her before declaring they were going that very weekend. Kate smiled with tears brimming as she looked at their smiling faces standing between Mickey and Minnie Mouse at the entrance to the park. Jack had even gone so far as getting her a pair of mouse ears with her name stitched on the back telling her it was a requirement when you came to Disneyland. Those ears were now safely packed away in one of her suitcases. She remembered Jack laughing when she declared Pirates of the Caribbean was her favorite ride. _'I would have guessed Space Mountain' he teased. 'More of a rush.'_

Sadly she closed the album deciding to see if Jack wouldn't mind if she took it.

"Stay one more night." He said quietly from the doorway behind her.

Startled Kate jumped at his voice then turned around. "You scared me."

"Sorry, didn't mean to." He replied stepping into the room. "Stay one more night, Kate." He repeated solemnly.

"Jack, it won't…" she started to protest.

"Yes it will." He said knowing what she was going to say. "I can't just let you go like this. I'm not ready. Are you?"

She looked over at Jack standing in front of her barefoot in a pair of jeans and a snug fitting navy t-shirt and felt her stomach flip. She couldn't help thinking how sexy he looked and he wasn't even trying. She couldn't imagine facing her upcoming days not being able to see him every day, talk to him every day, wake up next to him every day. It was definitely going to be harder than she originally thought to leave this man, even if she told herself that it wasn't for forever.

"Kate, are you ready to go?" Jack asked her again his voice breaking into her thoughts.

"No." She shook her head and flew into his arms burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around him tightly. "I'm not ready yet." She admitted tearfully.

Tightening his embrace Jack kissed the top of her head. "Then you'll stay one more day…to say goodbye." His voice choked at the last word. _Goodbye _was the last thing he wanted to say to Kate. His whole body cried out to Jack to talk her out of this crazy idea, but he knew it would be useless. Kate felt very strongly about this and he didn't want to risk losing her forever. So they would have one more day to be together. One more day to pretend that tomorrow didn't exist.

Pulling out of his embrace Kate wiped her eyes and gave Jack a small smile. "Wanna grab a late breakfast? She suggested putting on a small smile.

Shortly after, they were on the road driving to one of their favorite restaurants by the beach. Along the way they agreed to stay in the moment and not mention Kate's upcoming departure or Jack's pending nuptials.

While they ate Jack kept Kate entertained with stories about work particularly one nurse, Paula, who had recently announced that she was in the market for a husband since her biological clock had begun ticking louder. Kate laughed as Jack told her about how Paula had shared details of her latest disaster of a date with the staff as they prepared for surgery.

After they were done eating Jack suggested they take a walk along the beach. Holding his hand Kate walked along watching the waves rolling in and out. The afternoon breeze caught her hair bouncing her curls about. While not as scenic or tranquil as the island beach she still found it relaxing to be there.

"Hey!" She said suddenly getting an idea. "Want to go sinking?" She bent down and started to take off her sandals.

Jack laughed as an image of Kate "sinking" back on the island flashed in his mind. He used to love to watch her during those times because there always seem to be a look of serenity on her face. He nodded. "Okay."

Kate was already standing in the water by the time Jack had removed his socks and shoes and rolled up his pant legs. Coming up behind her he wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his chest to her back. They stood in silence feeling the water and sand mix with their feet and enjoying just being with each other.

"Do you ever miss it?" Kate finally spoke up after a few minutes.

"Miss what?"

"The island. Do you every miss being there?"

Jack was quiet for a moment. He had been asked that question by other people since the rescue and he always gave the expected answer of "no, not really." But this time it was different. This time the person asking was someone who had been there, who had witnessed both the positive and the negative of the island, someone who had been changed by being there and who would understand his answer.

"Yeah, Kate, I do." He answered softly. "I do miss it sometimes."

"Yeah," she nodded. "I do too. Things were much simpler on the island."

"Even with "the others" and a security system that shredded people?" He commented amusingly.

She nodded again. "Yeah, even with all that."

"You know what I miss the most?" Jack asked. "I miss the sunsets. They were amazing to watch."

"Yeah, when you weren't too busy to watch them." She teased turning slightly in his embrace and placed a kiss on his cheek.

He laughed and tightened his embrace as Kate laid her head on his chest. "Yeah, okay." He admitted. "When you dragged me out to watch them they were amazing. And I miss them."

"I do too." She replied softly thinking she missed their time alone on the beach watching those sunsets in silence just enjoying being with each other and being able to take a break from everything going on back at their camps.

When they returned home later on a yawning Kate decided to lay down for a nap.

"You feel okay?" Jack asked concerned that she looked a little run down. "You're not coming down with anything, are you?" He brought his palm up to her forehead to check for fever.

"Na-ah." She shook her head. "I've just been feeling a little tired the last couple of days, must be the stress."

"You sure?" He countered his doctor tone evident. "Are you sleeping okay?" He asked looking into her eyes.

"I'm fine Dr. Shepard." Kate told him taking his hand in hers. "Really, I am. I think the sun probably just made me a little dozy, that's all."

"Okay." He gave her hand a small squeeze. "I'm going to catch up on some medical journals." He told her.

"Good. Wake me up in an hour." She turned and walked down the hall to the bedroom while Jack retreated to his office.

When she woke up later Kate noticed it was already dark outside, a night light in the bathroom was casting a warm glow into the room. _'I wonder why Jack didn't wake me. _She thought._ 'He must have lost track of time.' _She patted into the bathroom and turned on the light. On the mirror she found a note attached.

_K- _

_Do me a favor and changing into the dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door and come into the dining room. - J_

Pulling back the door she found on her dresses on a hanger. A dark green spaghetti strapped dress with hugged and shaped her bodice then draped down her stomach and hips into a light shimmery skirt that landed just about her knees. It complimented her figure rather well and brought out her eyes nicely. And it was one of Jack's favorite. She smiled – he must have taken the dress out of her packed luggage. Wondering what exactly he was up to Kate took a quick shower then let curls down and loose and slipped into the dress.

When she walked into the dining room she could smell something good coming from the kitchen and found the table intimately set including two candles in candlestick holders surrounding a small bouquet of fresh flowers. There were other candles on the buffet behind the table and Jack had turned down the light above the table to a soft glow.

"Hey." Jack greeted her from behind.

Turning around she found him standing there in black dress pants and a purple long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

"Hey." Kate greeted shyly. "You look good."

"And you…" He took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "You look beautiful." He kissed her cheek.

"Thank you. Hey, did you pull this dress out of my luggage?" She inquired.

"Ah-huh, I wanted to see you in it tonight." He announced pulling himself out of the embrace and leading her to the table to her seat.

'_Always the gentleman.' _Kate thought as he pulled out her chair. "And what is all of this?" She asked gesturing towards the table.

"I thought I'd make you dinner." He poured wine into the glasses on the table. "I grilled some salmon"

Kate's stomach chose that moment to grumble. Jack laughed. "I take it you're hungry."

"Starving." She admitted blushing.

A few minutes later the couple was seated at the table sipping wine and eating.

"So you still planning on staying with Sun and Jin for a few days?" Jack finally asked.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about me leaving." Kate replied.

"I know, we weren't." he replied in a guilty tone. He knew he was breaking their agreement to not discuss her upcoming departure but he also needed to know that she would be somewhere with friends. He didn't want to think of her being alone trying to deal with him getting married. _Getting married…_ This wasn't what he had envisioned when he bought the engagement ring for Kate a couple of weeks earlier. His only thought of Sarah at that time was thinking about how different marriage to Kate was going to be compared to his first. It took meeting Kate to make Jack understand the term _soul mate. _He had a connection with Kate right from their first meeting that he hadn't experienced with anyone else. They seemed to understand each other without having to say a word sometimes. They made each other feel safe, kept each other sane at times and each trusted the other would be there at the end despite any arguments or disagreements. And Jack knew it was that trust that Kate had in their love for each other that let her do this. She trusted that while they might be apart for a little while they would find their way back to each other when the time was right.

"Earth to Jack." He heard Kate's voice break through his thoughts and turned his attention back to her. "Huh?"

Kate chucked at his confused face and reached out and squeezed his hand. "Nice trip?" She joked.

"Sorry, I guess I sort of spaced out there, huh?" He admitted blushing slightly. "What were you saying?"

She shook her head smiling warmly. "That's okay, it wasn't that important. I was just telling you dinner was very good. I'm impressed."

Jack broke out into a big grin pleased that she enjoyed it. "You really liked it?"

"Mmmm…very good." She licked her lips then leaned over and lightly kissed him. "Thank you" She whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back rubbing her nose with his.

After surprising her with a plate of double fudge brownies – her favorite – Jack led Kate over to the dimly lit living room and sat her on the couch.

"Now what?" She asked munching on a brownie.

"Have something for you." He told her walking back to the entryway table and returning a few moments later carrying a long gold jewelry box with a small red bow on top. Smiling he handed it to her.

"What's this?"

"Open it." He told her joining her on the couch.

Opening the lid she found a silver charm bracelet inside. "Oh Jack!" she lifted it out of the box laying it on her palm. "It's beautiful." She noticed there were already several charms on it. "And you put charms on it too."

"Ah huh." He started to point to the first charm. "The palm tree represents the island and the airplane…"

"The crash?" Kate joked.

"More like the means of how we met." He explained. "And I found a stethoscope…"

"Oh, my gosh, that is so cute." Kate giggled. "And you found a letter 'J' too."

"And a 'K'" he picked up the small charm with the pad of his finger. "And this heart has "always" engraved on the back." He added.

Kate felt her eyes start to fill up with tears as he put the bracelet on her wrist. She couldn't believe all the trouble Jack had gone to in making their last night together so special. He had no idea how much all of it meant to her…and how much it also pained her heart…it made it that much harder to have to leave. Shaking her head as if to shake off the negative thoughts she reached her arms around him neck and pulled him close. "Thank you…for every thing." She said lovingly.

"I love you Kate." He replied leaning down and placing a passionate kiss on her lips which she quickly returned. Pushing him back down against the couch Kate continued to return his kiss deepening it. Jack in turn kissed her slowly using his tongue to explore the mouth he had come to know so well as if it was the first time they had kissed this way. He ran it against her lips before going further and running it along the inside. He could feel his heart rate pick up as his hands slowly traced down the sides of her body coming to rest of her hips.

The kiss sent shivers down Kate's spine as her hands slowly caressed his chest through his shirt. He continued the sensual assault on her mouth for another few moments before leaving her lips and kissing a trial down her neck while his fingertips lightly dragged up and down the sides of her body all causing Kate to let out a low moan. Reaching up she started undoing the buttons on his shirt anxious to get it off.

As she reached the last button Jack pulled back breathing heavy and looked at her. "Here?" he asked.

Her breathing matching his she shook her head slightly. "Bed". She panted.

"Bed" Jack agreed and pushed himself off the couch with Kate still in his arms. Wrapping her arms back around his neck and her legs around his waist she bent down and started kissing him again. Returning her kisses Jack walked down the hall towards their bedroom his hands on her backside keeping her pressed up against him.

Once inside the bedroom Kate let her legs go and shimmied down his body until she was standing – still in his embrace. Breathless she pushed the shirt off of Jack and threw it on the chair. Returning his lips to hers Jack kissed her again passionately in a way that was making her head spin with desire. Her fingernails racked the hair on his chest sending making him moan into her mouth.

Needing oxygen he broke the kiss and stared into her soft green eyes. He could see how much she wanted him. Bringing his hands up to her face he cupped the sides and let his fingers gently caress her cheeks.

"I will always love you." He told her, his voice having a husky tone. "Remember that."

She nodded never breaking his gaze. "I'll always love you too." She replied bringing her hands up and grabbing his forearms. "Always."

"And when this is over I'm going to come find you. I promise you we will have our life together." He vowed firmly.

She smiled. "I know."

Taking her left wrist in his hand and running a finger on top of the bracelet. "This is to help remind you of that."

"Okay."

"Promise that you'll wait for me." He said emotionally.

Again she nodded and took his hand and kissed the palm. "I promise Jack."

Kissing her again he pulled the zipper of her dress down and pushed the straps off her shoulders letting the dress fall to the floor. Picking her up in his arms he carried her to the bed and laid her down before joining her. Their lovemaking was slow and sweet each of them exploring and caressing the body of the other as if this was the first time they were intimate. Their passion building up like a concerto ascending the lovers to a new high until neither one thought they could stand it a moment longer without a blissful release.

Hours later Kate laid in Jack's arms her head resting on his chest her arm wrapped around his chest. Jack was still awake fighting off sleep watching Kate as she sleep enjoying the feeling of love and security he felt when he had her in his arms. He knew morning would come soon enough and she would leave. He wanted to spend the rest of the early morning watching her sleep memorizing her face with all its freckles. He grinned noticing that one curl that always seemed to fall on her face when she leased expected it. He gently reached up tucked it behind her ear before placing a gentle kiss on top of her head. "I love you." He whispered. Before he knew it he was asleep.

When Kate woke it was morning and she noticed Jack snoring lightly sound asleep. Looking at him she relished waking up in his embrace one last time. She still couldn't believe how amazing last night had been and her heart swelled with love for this man who had made it all possible. As much as she wanted to stay there until he woke up Kate knew she had to leave before that happened. She knew that Jack would ask her to stay another day and after everything she knew he would only have to look at her with his warm hazel eyes and say '_Please'_ and she'd stay. But that would only make the inevitable harder so she carefully pulled herself out of his embrace careful not to wake him. Silently she slipped into her Capri pants and t-shirt from the day before and picked up her dress. She also grabbed the photo album she had looked at previously deciding to take it with her. Looking over at the bed she tip-toed over and softly placed a kiss on Jack's forehead. Stirring slightly he burrowed further in the covers.

"Goodbye Jack. I love you." She whispered tears forming in her eyes. Taking a deep breathe she started out the door when she spied the purple shirt Jack was wearing the night before on a chair. Needing something of his she impulsively grabbed it and took it with her as she left the room.

Tears now falling down her cheeks she paused at the kitchen debating whether to leave him a note or not. She finally decided against it thinking there really wasn't anything more to say – they had told each other everything last night. Grabbing her car keys and purse she wiped her eyes and walked out the front door her heart breaking as she closed it behind her.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Jack and Kate try to get on with their lives without each other…_**


	7. Ch 7 Trouble with Goodbye

**A/N: Again thanks to everyone who's dropped me a review – it's very much appreciated and I love you taking the time to do it. Glad to read you guys enjoyed the intense emotions in the lastchapter. **

**Jack and Kate are now having to face life without each other and they…or I should say Kate especially is going to realize it's harder than she thought. How can it not when you give up being with the man you love? And poor Jack looking at being married to one woman (who he doesn't trust) while in love with another. ****But just because they are out of each others sites they are certainly not out of each others minds.**

**Chapter 7**

Kate went to stay with Jin and Sun as planned. She had shown up later that day after driving around for a few hours crying to herself. By the time she got to the house Kate was worn out emotionally and tired.

Sun welcomed her warmly taking her into the living room and making her some green tea.

"It will help you relax". Sun told her handing her the mug.

Kate nodded but didn't say anything. Sun sat down next to her friend and gently rubbed her back letting her know she was there for her.

Taking a few sips of the tea Kate finally turned to Sun her eyes red and puffy. "This was the hardest thing I've ever done." She stated the hurt in her eyes evident.

"Are you still certain it was the right thing to do?" Sun asked in a low voice. Kate had called her days earlier and filled her in on what was going on and Sun had immediately offered her a place to stay – after she had tried to talk her out of the gesture and got nowhere. Sun just couldn't understand why Kate would willingly step aside and push Jack to re-marry his ex-wife. None of this made sense to Sun or Jin when his wife had explained what was going on.

Kate nodded her head. "It's done."

"But it can be undone." Sun replied. "You know that all you have to do it tell Jack you changed your mind and…"

"I didn't change my mind." Kate interrupted solemnly. "I still believe that Jack has to do this. The woman is dying and she needs him."

"Maybe, but you need him too." Sun pointed out. "And Jack loves you Kate, not Sarah."

"Sun, we've been through this." Kate's eyes watered up and she took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." Sun said softly not wanting to upset Kate anymore. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't really." She stood up and walked over to the window. "Jack made dinner last night for me and he gave me this bracelet." She held it up towards Sun who came over to look at it.

"Oh Kate, it's beautiful." Sun smiled fingered the delicate piece of jewelry. "Is that a stethoscope?"

Kate smiled and nodded. "Yeah, can you believe he found one of those?" She pointed out the heart. "It has 'always' engraved on it."

"That was very romantic of him to do that."

"Yeah," Kate said softly. "The whole night was very romantic." Her mind briefly replayed the whole day in her mind from standing on the beach in his arms, walking in to a candle lit dining room, Jack putting on her bracelet to lying in his arms feeling warmed and loved.

Sun gave her friend a quick hug to reassure her. "I'll show you your room."

"When is Jin coming home?" Kate asked as Sun helped her unpacked a few of her things.

"He should be home in a couple of hours. He's been working a little extra because we're going to Korea in a couple of months and he wants to get things settled on some new contracts before we leave."

Jin, who's English had improved dramatically since he had returned from the ill fated raft trip was now working for Hurley in one of his exporting companies he had purchased before the crash. Sun had taken a job as a teacher's aide and was planning on going back to school to get her teaching certificate. The couple had also been trying for a baby but so far hadn't had any luck.

"You're going to see your father?" Kate asked grateful to have something else to talk about for a little while.

"Actually, my mother and sister." Sun explained. "My father will be on a business trip in Europe during that time."

"Is he still upset that you two decided to stay in Los Angeles?"

Sun nodded slowly. "He doesn't understand my decision to stay with my husband after he left my father's employment." What Sun didn't tell Kate was that her father had been furious at Jin and it was Sun's threat to break all contact with the family that made him promise to not harm Jin. He knew that his wife would be miserable if their daughter 'disowned' the family. But while he agreed to leave Jin alone he told Sun that he wanted nothing to do with Jin and asked Sun to visit the family alone or to come when he was not in town. It had broken her heart that he would be this way but it was better than becoming a widow.

"It's too bad."

"He doesn't understand I love my husband." Sun replied. "And I'm not choosing my family over him."

Before she could answer Kate felt a wave of nausea come over her and she quickly dashed out to the bathroom holding her hand over her mouth hoping she'd get there in time.

Sun found her kneeling at the toilet getting sick to her stomach. "Kate!" She exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

Nodding Kate leaned over the bowl for another moment making sure the nausea passed then slowly stood up. Sun handed her a damp washcloth which she used to wipe her mouth. "I'm okay. I think every thing from the last few days is catching up with me."

Sun reached up and touched Kate's cheek with the back of her hand, similar to what Jack had done the day before. "You looked flushed but you don't feel warm. You may still be coming down with something."

"I think I'm going to lie down for a little while." Kate told her walking back into her room.

"That's a good idea. I'll come wake you up when dinner is ready." Sun said as she walked back out of the bedroom softly closing the door behind her.

Over the next few days Kate felt as if she had found a sanctuary with Sun and Jin. Her depressed emotional state continued and she found that when she wasn't at work at the bookstore she was home asleep or wrapped up in a blanket watching television…or rather staring at a television screen not paying much attention to the actual program.

Sun would come in after work and check on Kate. She would bring in some tea and crackers or toast and they would talk while they drank a cup of tea. Sun would talk about her job and what happened at school that day while Kate would just listen.

"I'm sorry." Kate told Sun the afternoon when she came in with the tray of tea.

"Sorry for what?" She asked noticing that Kate wasn't in her pajamas like usual but in a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Maybe she was starting to feel better.

"I've been really crappy company these past 4 days, huh?" Kate joked as she took the tray from Sun and placed it on the dresser and proceeded to hand her a mug while she took one herself and some crackers.

"That's to be expected." Sun replied. "I would have been worried if you acted like nothing happened."

Nibbling on a cracker she nodded her head. "I just miss him so much." She said sadly. "I didn't think it would be this hard to be away from him like this."

"I'm sure he's probably feeling the same way." Sun replied. "Maybe you could call him…"

But Kate shook her head. "No! I can't do that…at least not right now. It would be too hard to hear his voice. And what would I say? How's it going sounds so lame."

Sun took a deep breath as she looked at her friend her face reflecting an inter conflict she seemed to be having. "He called." She finally said softly after a few seconds.

It took a moment for Kate to understand what Sun meant then she turned quickly and faced her friend. "Jack called?" She asked taken aback.

"Yes. He called the second day you were here…while you were at work. He just wanted to see how you were." Sun explained. "I think he was hoping he could talk to you but then he said not to tell you he called."

"Oh?" Kate swallowed hard. "How is he?" She asked in a hush tone not able to resist asking.

"He sounded miserable." Sun said honestly. "He misses you terribly."

Kate blinked back tears. She couldn't believe he had actually called but then again it really shouldn't have surprised her. This separation wasn't his idea and he was only going through with her request because she asked him to.

"I wasn't going to tell you he called, but you looked so sad and I wanted you to know he was feeling the same way." Sun explained.

Kate nodded her head but again stayed silent. Suddenly she felt her stomach turning sour and took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm it down. She knew she was probably coming down with the flu and was fighting to keep it at bay.

"I'm going out and get some fresh air." Kate told Sun as she grabbed her purse and car keys. "I'll be back later."

Over at Jack's house Mark Silverman had come over to check on his friend. He knew Jack wasn't having an easy time adjusting to Kate leaving and Mark genuinely felt bad for him. He had never seen his best friend as happy with a woman as when he came back from the island with Kate. Mark remembered thinking how sometimes good things can come out of a tragedy.

When Jack opened the front door Mark held up two cups of Starbucks coffee and a bag containing donuts. "Hey, thought you could use the breakfast of champions." He greeted referring to an old joke the two would share whenever they had these particular two items together for breakfast.

"Coffee sounds good." Jack replied grabbing one of the cups and leading Mark back into the kitchen. "Thanks."

"So, you think you'd be up for a game of golf some time this week?" Mark asked sitting down on one of the barstools.

"Yeah, probably." Jack replied digging into the bag of donuts and pulled out a chocolate covered one. "Let me let you know for sure. You off today"

"Yeah," The other man replied "I not on until 8:00 a.m. tomorrow." Mark was a firefighter with the LA County Fire Department and was recently selected to start his paramedic training, something he was very excited about. "So, "he said eyeing Jack's dress shirt and pants attire. "You going into work this morning, huh?"

"Why not?" Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I stay here I only get reminded of Kate."

"How you doing with that?" Jack had called Mark the day Kate left and dragged him off to a bar and got thoroughly trashed telling Mark he was going to drink until he didn't remember Kate. Unfortunately for Jack, and his head and stomach the next morning, there didn't seem to be enough alcohol for that to really happen. Even when Mark had carried him into the house and got him to bed Jack was mumbling about missing Kate.

"I called Sun and Jin's house to see how she's doing. I guess I was hoping I would be able to talk to her." Jack admitted.

"Don't you think that would have made it harder on both of you?"

"I know Mark. I know it wasn't a good idea to call but I miss her damn it!" Jack spat out. "I miss her and I want this whole stupid thing to be over so that I can walk through that door after work and find her curled up on the couch watching some stupid sappy movie like she use to before." He slammed his fist on the counter. "I want to be talking about when we're getting married and how we're going to invite and where she wants to go for a honeymoon."

Mark reminded silent as Jack vented. If nothing else Jack was a passionate man and Mark knew sometimes it was better to just let him let it out and not interrupt. Interrupting would only lead to an argument and that's the last thing he wanted.

The sudden ringing of the front door interrupted their conversation and Jack took a couple of deep breaths to regain his composure.

"You want me to get the door?" Mark offered then slid off the stool when Jack nodded yes and went to the door.

It was Sarah…who seemed a bit surprised to see Mark not Jack at the door.

"Oh Mark, I wasn't expecting you here." Sarah smiled. "I came to see Jack."

"So I figured." The young man replied with a touch of sarcasm. Every since Sarah's infidelity was discovered she had not been on Mark's favorite list and he wasn't looking forward to her being back in Jack's life – even if she was ill with cancer. "Come on in."

Sarah stepped in and looked around. "Where's Jack?"

"In the kitchen."

Smiling again Sarah breezed into the kitchen and greeted Jack with a 'Good Morning' as she eyed the donuts. "Not a very healthy breakfast there." She commented scrunching up her nose.

"Sarah, what exactly are you doing here?" Jack asked sharply feeling a headache coming on.

Opening her day planner she sat in Mark's former seat pushing away his donut and coffee. "I came here to talk about the wedding plans. Remember I told you I would make all the arrangements and get back with you."

Glancing over at Mark Jack felt a dull ache starting up over his left eye. '_Great'_, he thought, '_I'm probably getting a migraine'. _"What arrangements Sarah?"

"Well," She said flipping through her calendar. "I'm not sure what your schedule looks like but I really think we need to get married fairly soon. I was thinking two weeks from now. Now I know that's kind of short notice…"

"That's fine." Jack said dully.

"Now, we got lucky, I checked with the country club and the Sierra room is available for that Saturday…"She chatted pointing at the page with her pen oblivious to Jack's dishearten mood over the topic. "Of course we'll have to put a deposit down soon, if possible today."

"What?" Jack was shocked. "Why would we reserve the Sierra room?" The pain over his eye was getting stronger and he sworn he could almost feel the blood vessels in his face constrict.

"For the reception, of course. Actually, I was also debating whether to just have the wedding ceremony there as well." She flipped between two pages in her planner. "It might make things easier."

"There isn't going to be a reception, Sarah." Jack told her glancing up at Mark again who gestured his hand from himself to the door as if asking Jack if he wanted him to leave. Jack quickly shook his head.

"But Jack…our friends…"Sarah started to say.

"First of all Sarah _WE _don't have any friends. _WE_ haven't had any friends since our divorce. You have your friends and I have mine."

"There're still some people that still consider both of us their friends." She countered.

"That may be but we're still not having a reception." He replied angrily. The last thing he wanted was to act like this was a real marriage in every sense of the word.

"Fine." Sarah pouted. "But it's going to be rude to just have the ceremony and not serve the guests anything to eat or drink."

"We're not having guests either." Jack barked. "No reception, no guests, Sarah. It's going to be you and me in a judge's chambers down at the courthouse in a civil ceremony."

"Jack…"

"No!" He yelled at the young woman before grabbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers and pinching back the pain. Medication, he needed his migraine medication. "I don't know what you're thinking Sarah. This is a business arrangement nothing more. You asked me to do you this favor so you could be covered by insurance and I'm doing that. But don't think we're going to be sharing the same bed or anything else that normally goes along with marriage." He told her sharply.

Sarah was momentarily taken back by Jack's flash of anger. She knew that he wasn't in love with her but thought he would at least go along with her idea of a small ceremony and reception with close friends…at least to start off their marriage on a good foot. But here he was very clearly reminding her that it was a business deal with no romantic feelings involved.

"Do you understand?" Jack asked breaking into her thoughts.

Sarah nodded. "I'll cancel the reservation." She replied quietly. Closing her planner she stood up to leave. "When do you want me to start moving in?" She asked.

"Moving in where?" He asked.

"In here. When do you want me to move in?" She gestured with her hand indicating his house.

"You're not moving in, Sarah." He started to say.

Angrily Sarah interrupted him. "Jack, don't you think that's a bit extreme. I mean, business deal or not a married couple should live together."

"I'm moving into your house." He told her. "It'll be easier that way. You're going to be going through a lot of treatments and such and its better I move into a place where you're comfortable and already settled."

"Oh." She replied with a touch of disappoint in her voice. She had been looking forward to moving into Jack's house. It was larger than hers and had such a homey and comfortable feeling to it. "What are you going to do with this place?"

"I'm moving in." Mark replied stepping into the conversation.

"You are?" Sarah was surprised.

"Yeah, I sold my house a couple of months ago and was thinking of getting a bigger place but Jack asked me to stay here until…" Suddenly Mark stopped talking realizing what he was about to say.

"Until I die." Sarah finished his sentence, her tone gloomy.

Mark suddenly felt like a heel…he hadn't meant to say that. "Oh God Sarah, I didn't mean to say…I mean I wasn't thinking…"

She pursed her lips together. It was definitely a lousy start to her day so far. "That's okay, Mark. I mean it's true. I'm dying and not saying the word out loud doesn't mean it's not going to happened." She felt her throat start to tighten as she fought back tears. "I need to go." She started towards the door. Jack followed her.

"Look Sarah, I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, Jack." She replied without looking at him. "I'm learning to deal with it better every day."

"Still…" Jack said feeling bad about the way he snapped at her. He knew he was blaming her for Kate leaving and while she was the reason he also knew that with her illness she didn't need to have him yelling at her. "Look I'm sorry about yelling at you back there. I should have explained it better."

"No, you explained it very clear Jack. And you're right, it's a business arrangement, nothing more." She stopped just outside the front door and turned around slowly to meet his gaze. "I'll go by the courthouse and pick up a marriage application and bring it by in a couple of days for you to sign. You can move in whenever you want."

Nodding Jack reached over and took her hand in his and gave it a quick squeeze. "Are you sure you're up to going there? I mean I can probably go by tomorrow."

She shook her head. "No, that's fine. With not being able to work much it gives me a chance to keep busy. "She gave him a small smile. "I'm fine, really." Glancing down at her watch she started to turn towards her car. "It's getting late. I better get out of here so you can get to work."

"Thanks." Jack replied.

"I'll give you a call when I have the application to bring it by." She told him as she got into her vehicle.

Jack watched her drive away and then turned back into his house. He walked into the bathroom and grabbed his migraine medication before returning to Mark in the kitchen.

"Got a headache, huh?" Mark watched him down the pills.

"Yeah, "Jack leaned against the counter.

"Jack, I'm really sorry about that comment…"Mark apologized again.

"Don't worry about it." He sighed. "Thanks again for moving in, though."

"No problem."

Jack was grateful Sarah hadn't fought him on where they would live. He didn't want to tell her the real reason he was going to move in to her place was because he didn't like the idea of any other woman but Kate living in his house. He knew it sounded somewhat childish, but he had purchased the house after the divorce and when he asked Kate to move in he felt like she had made it feel more of a home. There were still touches of Kate every where – from the shelf paper she put down in the kitchen cabinets the first week she was there to the plants and trees she had planted in his yard. The rose bushes especially reminded him of how excited she was talking about how beautiful they would look when they started to bloom.

"Just make sure you don't kill the plants." Jack said out of the blue.

"What?" Mark asked.

"The stuff Kate planted in the backyard, make sure you don't kill them," He told his friend, "especially the rose bushes. She'll kill me if they die."

"Great. No pressure there." Mark joked. "I don't have the best green thumb, you know."

"Maybe I'll just hire someone to come in and take care of them." He said more to himself than Mark. That's what he would do, he thought. Hire a gardener to take care of everything and make sure they thrived. The plants were an extension of Kate, Jack thought remembering all the hours she put into the yard, and such they were important to him. Other people might think he was being a bit silly worrying about them, but he didn't care. He would make sure they were taken care of.

The buzzing of his pager brought Jack out of his thoughts. _Damn it, I'm late, _he thought glancing at the number. "I better get going." He told Mark figuring he'd call in on his cell on his way over to the hospital.

A week later Jack and Sarah were married in a civil ceremony at the courthouse attended only by her closest friend, Judy, and the judge's clerk who processed the paperwork. Jack's heart ached as he slipped a plain gold band on her finger trying hard not to wish it was Kate standing there in a simple cream colored suit slipping a ring on his finger. After the 15 minute ceremony the couple and Judy went to a dinner at Sarah's favorite restaurant before returning to her 2 bedroom condo where Jack had moved into the day before. It was a somber day for both Jack and Sarah and as the young woman sat in the living room alone she started to wonder if this was really such a good idea after all.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Kate moves out and gets a surprise. Oh and extra upcoming hint: Sawyer alert for all of his fans – yes, Sawyer finally makes his appearance in this story. And trust that his will be more significant that Sun and Jin's (oh yeah, Jin kinda got left out in this chapter, but he'll make a cameo in the next one I think). Anyway Sawyer and possibly Sayid will be showing up._**


	8. Ch 8 Still Holding On

**A/N: Thanks everyone for your comments. Here's the next installment. And as always when your done reading drop me a quick review – even if just to say you read it and liked it or you read it and thought it could be better! Let me know what you think of the pace of the story. **

**Chapter 8**

Sun entered her house after a long day at work with her head throbbing in a dull ache. The children seemed to have been more energetic than usual today and it was at these times that Sun had second thoughts about going after her teaching certificate. It was a difficult job teaching, she thought, not only dealing with the children, but with the administrators and the parents. Both who sometimes expected a teacher to perform a miracle or two in the classroom. But Sun also knew she loved interacting with the students and felt teaching was her calling.

As she walked into the living room of their modest three bedroom house she looked around for Jin. His car was in the driveway and Sun was delighted to see he had come home from work early today. Lately, it seemed like he was working a little too hard not only trying to make sure things were ready for their upcoming trip but also to show Hurley that he made a good choice in hiring Jin. She smiled, the big man never had a doubt that Jin would do well with this company and as he had told the couple when he offered him the job he wanted someone that he could trust working for him.

"There you are." Sun greeted her husband who was in the kitchen slicing up some fresh fish. "You brought home something for dinner."

"Yes," he replied leaning over and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I thought I'd make something special…to help you not miss Kate so much."

Kate had moved out the night before after one of the girls she worked with at the bookstore told her she was looking for a room mate. The place was closer to the bookstore then Sun and Jin's house and the rent very reasonable. Kate had told the couple it was time for her to do this and get moving forward. She appreciated her time with them very much but felt like she was intruding on their daily routine and didn't want to wear out her welcome. Thought Sun protested that she wasn't intruding Kate insisted she was moving out. Sun knew she would miss their daily talks over tea – it reminded her of how their friendship had grown on the island spending time talking and gossiping while they worked on the garden. But Sun knew Kate was right – she needed to make this move and they were still going to get together on a regular basis.

"That sounds like a nice idea." Sun said quietly as she reached for some aspirin. "I was getting use to her being here." She admitted.

"I was too." Jin replied smiling. He was happy his wife had such a good friend around to talk to when he wasn't there. She was a quiet woman who was almost shy about making friends. He knew part of her still missed her family and her old life in Korea and was grateful for the fact that she gave that up to stay with him. He loved his wife and wanted her to be happy which was why he was hoping they would have a child soon. They were putting down roots in America and having a family would only foster that more.

"Do you think she'll be okay?" Sun asked with a touch of concern in her voice.

"Without Jack, you mean?"

Sun nodded but didn't say anything.

"Well, she said it wasn't for forever, right?" Jin sliced through a piece of the fish making thin fillets.

"Yes," Sun poured herself a glass of orange juice and took a sip. "She says they'll be together again. She's just not sure how long it will be."

"They had a very strong love on the island," Jin commented, "And we all figured it could withstand anything…once they got together."

_Flashback_

_Jack had gone missing for more than a day and the survivors were getting frantic that something might have happened to their leader._

"_We need to go look for him." Kate had told Locke and several others that had gathered together. "He could be hurt." _

"_Did he tell anyone where he was going?" Sayid asked._

"_Only that he was taking a walk. He needed some fresh air." Hurley replied._

_As the group discussed which path to take and how many and who should go Sun noticed Kate getting more antsy with each passing minute. She walked over and put a hand on the young woman's shoulder._

"_Kate, are you okay?" She asked softly._

"_We need to get going, we're wasting time. What if he's hurt?" She said softly, her eyes showing the fear she was feeling._

"_We'll find him." Sun told her reassuringly. "He probably just lost track of time. I'm sure he's okay."_

"_No, he's not." Kate insisted raising her voice. "He wouldn't be gone all this time if something wasn't wrong. That's not Jack."_

_A few of the other survivors turned their attention to Kate and her outburst. They knew there was something between the two, that was obvious, but they couldn't understand why they were fighting it._

"_We NEED to get going." Kate repeated louder and looked at John Locke. "We're wasting time." _

"_Kate, maybe you should stay here." Sayid suggested fearful that an emotional Kate might hinder the search party._

"_I'm going!" She replied firmly picking up her backpack and slipping it over her shoulder._

"_Sayid's right." Ana Lucia spoke up. "You should stay and let us…"_

"_I am going!" Kate snapped angrily glaring at Ana Lucia. There was no way this woman was going to try and make Kate stay behind. She had a fight coming if she thought she could._

_The group consisting of Kate, Locke, Eko, Ana Lucia, Jin and Sawyer, who volunteered at the very end, started up a few minutes later and headed out the same direction that Hurley has seen Jack take the previous day. They hiked for most of the morning after Locke has picked up Jack's initial trail but then found very little signs after a couple of hours._

_As they stopped to take a quick breather and regroup they heard a rustling coming from behind them. As they turned to investigate a man suddenly leaped out of the bush. Sporting a bloody face and tattered dirty clothes he raised a knife and starting coming at Sawyer. Before the Southern could really react a gunshot rang out and the man went down. Ana Lucia, who had instinctively drawn her gun, had shot the man before he could hurt anyone._

_Kicking the knife out of his hand Eko saw that he was still alive. Ana had shot him in the stomach. _

"_Who are you?" Eko asked in a booming voice. When the man just smiled Eko placed his foot over his wound and applied pressure. "Who are you?"_

"_It doesn't matter." The man spit out. "The man you're looking for is gone." _

_Kate gasped and pushed her way to the front. "Where's Jack?" she demanded._

"_Gone." The man winced with pain but then smiled with a somewhat crazed look on his face._

_Kate could feel the wind being sucked out of her body. Jack gone! No, he couldn't be gone. "You're lying!" She told the man her emotions coming to the surface._

"_He and I fought." The man gasped as he spoke. He knew he was dying. "Who do you think gave me these bruises?"_

"_Where is he?" Eko asked pushing his foot down more. "You will tell us or else."_

"_Or else what?" The man taunted. "I'm dying anyway."_

"_Maybe," Ana Lucia told him. "But we can make your last few minutes on this earth hell." She motioned to Eko and he pressed down even harder. The man let out a wail. "Where is he?" She yelled._

"_We fought…"he gasped, "… by the rocks back there. But you…won't find his body. He went…over the…cliff."_

_Kate gasped again bringing her hand up to her mouth. Sawyer started to take a step towards her but before anyone could say anything more she picked up her backpack and ran off in the direction the man had indicated. _

"_Freckles wait!" Sawyer called out then followed. Damn that woman just running off half cocked back into the jungle. _

_Locke and Jin immediately followed and after telling Eko to take care of the stranger Ana Lucia also followed. _

_Kate ran with her heart racing and tears forming in her eyes. She didn't believe what the man had said…she couldn't. Jack wasn't dead. The man had to be lying._

"_Freckles wait up damn it!" Sawyer called out finally catching up to her and grabbing her by the arm and pulling her around. He was caught by surprise by the frantic look on her face tears already threatening. He knew then and there if there was any doubt who Kate wanted to be with it was gone. _

"_Let me go." She shook his hand off angrily. "I need to find Jack."_

"_What if he's dead?" Sawyer told her. "Let someone else look."_

"_No!" She yelled turning around and running off again. She ran to a clearing that ended with a cliff. Taking a deep breath she looked over at the cliff trying to will herself to look over it. _

_The other survivors had also arrived. John walked up quickly and stopped Kate. He looked into the young woman's eyes understanding what she was feeling. _

"_Let me look." He told her softly. "You wait here."_

_Blinking back tears she nodded her head and watched John slowly walked over to the cliff. They all held their breath as John looked over then saw him shrug his shoulders. _

"_I didn't go over the cliff." Jack's voice sounded from behind the group breaking the silent tension in the air. They all quickly turned around and found themselves facing the young doctor, a bit battered and bruised, but very much alive. _

"_Jack." Kate whispered then without anymore thought she torn thru the group and threw her arms around him giving him a hug similar to the one she had given him at the caves. Only this time his shoulder wasn't injured so he wrapped both his arms around the young woman and returned her hug with the same fierceness. _

"_Nice to see you too." He whispered and heard Kate start to cry. "Hey, I'm okay."_

"_He told us you were dead." She said through her tears. "I thought you were gone. He told us you were dead." She kept saying as she tightened her embrace on him. "I was so scared." _

"_I'm fine, Kate." He told her soothingly rubbing her back. "I'm okay." _

_The rest of the group stood back and watched as Jack comforted Kate. They knew that whatever fight Kate had against being with Jack was gone. She had made her choice._

_End of flashback_

At the bookstore Kate came out of the restroom wiping a cool, wet towel on her neck. She couldn't seem to shake this stomach virus that had been bothering her for almost two weeks and thought about making an appointment with the doctor. Making her way to the cashier counter she was greeted by her new roommate, Carrie Thornton.

"You get sick again?" Carrie asked her blue eyes showing concern.

"Ah-huh," Kate took a couple of deep breathes. "This flu is kicking my butt."

"Are you sure it's the flu?" Carrie asked as she broke open a box of new books that had just been delivered.

"You don't think so?" Kate was shuffling through the delivery paperwork trying to make sure the order was complete.

Carrie leaned over towards Kate. "Could you be pregnant?" She asked in a hush tone.

Kate took in a sharp breath at her suggestion. _Pregnant!_ The idea hadn't even crossed her mind.

Carrie noticed the surprised look on her co-worker's face. _Looks like she hadn't thought of that idea,_ she thought to herself. "You could be. I mean, you've been getting sick to your stomach a lot. Maybe it's not the flu but morning sickness."

Before Kate could reply a customer approached the customer and Kate started to ring up her purchases. Carrie's words rang through her mind as she bagged up the woman's purchases. She tried to remember the date of her last period and suddenly realized it was at least 2 months ago.

'_Oh my God…'_ Kate sighed, _what if she's right?_ Talk about timing. Three weeks ago she would have been jumping up and down at the idea of possibly having Jack's baby.

"So you think…" Carrie broke into her thoughts. "You think you might be?"

"I could be." Kate admitted suddenly feeling her stomach flip flop again only this time she figured it was the stress not nausea causing it.

Carrie let out a small squeal. "That's great!" She said. Kate shot her a look. "What?" She asked innocently.

"It's not the best timing." Kate pointed out.

"But you love the guy, right?"

"Yeah, but that's not the point."

"I always believed babies are a blessing." Carrie continued, "No matter their timing."

Kate took another deep sigh and rubbed her temple. "Carrie, you know the situation I'm in."

The red-headed woman nodded her head then looked closer at the other woman. "Kate…you're not thinking…I mean, you DO want this baby, right?" she asked.

Kate looked away from her for a moment. She felt so tired and the only thing she really wanted to do was go home crawl into bed and go to sleep. She certainly didn't want to be standing in the middle of the bookstore having this conversation. "Carrie, I don't even know if I'm really pregnant. It could just be the stress."

"But if you are…I mean if you find out you are…you're not…"Carrie asked nervously.

"I would never kill Jack's baby." Kate said softly. _Never_, she reiterated silently to herself. "Look, how about we change the subject for now, okay?"

"Sure." Carrie agreed. "Maybe we can pick up a test on the way home, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Kate replied as she picked up an armful of the books and followed Carrie out to the floor to put them on the shelves.

A short time later Kate heard a familiar voice greet her from behind. "Well, Freckles, don't you look like a sexy librarian standing there."

Turning around she found herself face to face with Sawyer standing there with his usual cocky smile on his face.

"Sawyer." She exclaimed and reached up and hugged him. "What are you doing here?"

"Got myself a construction gig here in the City of Angels and thought I'd drop by and say 'hello'" He returned the hug.

"I thought you were settling back in Tennessee." She pulled out of his embrace smiling at the handsome Southerner.

"Yeah, well, I got hooked up with this construction company that's got job sites all over the place. I go where the work is."

"Still a drifter, huh?" She teased.

"That's me." He joked back. His attention was momentarily caught by Carrie, who was still standing on the short ladder leaning against the wall bookcase. Kate followed his gaze to the attractive red-head.

"Carrie, this is a friend of mine, James Ford. He was on the island with us. Sawyer this is Carrie Gleason. "

Carrie stepped off the ladder and shook hands with the blonde-haired man. _Where did Kate find these men?_ She thought to herself, _first the hunky doctor and now this hottie. Not a bad way to be marooned on an island._ "Nice to meet you." She said.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too." He flashed a smile. "You know, Freckles, I think I may enjoy shopping at this place."

Kate shook her head but smiled. Leave it to Sawyer to come in flirting up a storm. She wondered if he ever turned it off.

"Can I show you anything?" Carrie offered.

Sawyer smirked, "Maybe later." He replied then turned back to Kate. "So how you been?"

"Me? Okay." She replied.

"Doc still treating you good, I'm sure."

"If that's your way of asking how Jack is, I don't know for sure. We…ahum…we broke up." She told him.

Sawyer was shocked at her news. Freckles and Doc broken up? How the hell could that have happened? He thought for sure they were going to be one of those couples whose picture you see in the paper years from now celebrating their golden anniversary surrounding by tons of kids and grandchildren.

"You're kiddin' right?" He asked. "I mean you guys were the Ross and Rachel of the island." He noticed the serious look on her face. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." She told him sadly. "It's a long story."

"They always are. Come on Freckles, it'll make you feel better to talk it out." He told her elbowing her for emphasis.

She sighed. "Not now Sawyer, okay?"

Sawyer noticed how tired Kate looked and sounded. _She must be taking the break up pretty hard, _he thought to himself. Her complexion even looked a little pale, then again he had gotten use to seeing her with a tan on the island. _Looks like she could use a little fun. _"Listen Freckles, how about you and I go out and have a little fun, tonight. Looks like you could use it." He offered.

"I don't think so. I'm pretty tired." She replied. "I just want to go home and veg on the couch."

"Well, that's not gonna do you any good." He draped an arm around her shoulder. "You know what they say, once you fall off a horse you need to get back on."

"Sawyer, really I appreciate you doing this, but really I'm okay. I'm just tired." She told him suppressing a little yawn. "Rain Check?"

He nodded. "Tomorrow night then?" He was determined to get her out to have some fun and forget about Jack Shepard.

"Will you stop bugging me if I say yes?" She asked.

Again he flashed his dimples, happy she was giving in. "You know you love it when I bug you."

Kate laughed as she shook her head. Maybe a little Sawyer induced distraction was what she needed. She walked over to the nearby counter and quickly wrote down her new address on a piece of paper handing it to him.

"Come over around 7:30p.m. We can order a pizza or something." She suggested.

"Order a pizza? Freckles, I was thinking a bar somewhere you, me, a bottle of tequila and maybe another round of 'I Never'" he told her. "You need to get out and have some fun and forget about Doc."

"I don't want to forget about Jack." She said quietly. "Let's just have some dinner, okay?" She could feel a wave of nausea threatening to build up. Hoping to get Sawyer out of the store before she got sick again she put a hand on the small of his back and started to push him towards the front entrance.

"Trying to get rid of me, sweetheart?"

"I need to get back to work." She told him.

"Alright, alright, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He turned and waved at Carrie. "Nice to meet you…Red."

Carrie smiled blushing slightly. "You too. Come back again."

Later that afternoon Kate was on her way back home. Her boss, Bert, saw her get a little woozy on her feet and told her to go home and get some rest. On the way home she stopped at the drug store and picked up a home pregnancy test. The more she had thought about the signs her body had been giving her the more she thought Carrie could be right – she could be pregnant.

She walked into the bathroom with the kit and nervously read through the instructions. A few minutes later she was pacing back and forth outside the door waiting for the results. She watched the clock tick off the ten minutes at a painfully slow pace. _What if I am pregnant? _She thought. _Granted this wasn't the best timing, but Carrie was right – a baby, especially Jack's baby, was a blessing. _

The egg timer Kate had set went off signaling time was up. Taking a deep breath she walked up to the sink and picked up the test. It showed two pink lines – positive, she was pregnant. Kate stared at the indicator for another moment absorbing the results. Yup, two pinks lines.

Feeling tears building up Kate went over to her bed and sat down. Grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her body she let the tears flow. She couldn't believe how much her life had changed in such a short time. One minute they were finally off the island, her legal problems behind her and she was happily enjoying the life and relationship she was building with Jack and the next she was pregnant and alone. _Great going Katherine, _she thought to herself. She was going to be a mother and she wasn't even sure she could do it. This news should be the best news in her life – having Jack's baby. Her heart ached to pick up the phone and call him. She knew he would probably be thrilled with the news. But she also knew he'd immediately leave Sarah to be by her side and at this point she couldn't let that happen…he…they had to see this through with Sarah. Kate wiped the tears from her face and crawled under the covers. She would have to go through this without Jack as much as it pained her. _It's not like its forever, _she told herself and she laid down and cried herself to sleep.

When she woke sometime later she went out into the kitchen and found Carrie was home.

"Hey, "Carrie greeted warmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Hey," Kate filled a glass with water and took a long drink. "I was taking a nap."

"Did you take the test?"

Kate nodded. "I'm pregnant." She stated softly.

Carrie stared at her friend for a moment before walking over and taking her into a hug. "Oh Kate, honey, it'll be okay." She told her. "You'll see…when you tell Jack…"

"I can't tell him." Kate replied pulling herself out of the other woman's embrace.

"What?" Carrie was shocked. "What do you mean you're not telling him?"

"Just that, I can't tell him." She walked over and sat at their small dining table.

"But he's the father, he should know." Carrie argued. "It could bring you two back together."

Kate shook her head. She hadn't told Carrie the whole story about her and Jack. "Carrie, I appreciate what you're saying, but this is my decision and there are reasons why I can't tell him." She said firmly. "At least not now."

Carrie nodded and ran her hand through her short red haired bob. Obviously Kate had made up her mind. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"I guess I should probably go see a doctor to…you know…make sure and…ahum…see how far along I am."

"There's a women's clinic that I go to. They don't charge much if you don't have insurance – they charge according to your income." Carrie told her.

_Insurance! _Kate hadn't thought about needing insurance but now she realized there was prenatal care and then the delivery with the hospital costs…"The clinic sounds like a good idea." Kate agreed. "I guess I'm going to have to talk to Bert about pickup up more hours so I can get insurance."

"Probably a good idea." Carrie sat down across from her room mate. "That clinic taken walk-ins and I'm off tomorrow morning I can drive you if you want me to."

Kate looked over at her friend and smiled. "Thanks, I'd like that. I really don't want to go alone."

"Well, Ms. Austin, you're definitely pregnant." Dr. Walker commented as Kate sat up on the examining table. She watched as the doctor scribbled in the chart and flipped a page back and forth. "I would say you're 12 weeks along." Dr. Walker announced.

Kate blinked in surprise. "That far along? I was guessing around 2 months."

"The measurements from the pelvic exam would put you at 12." She replied. "How have you been feeling?"

"Tired." Kate confessed. "I want to sleep a lot."

"That's normal during the first trimester especially. You'll probably get your energy back in the coming weeks. The prenatal vitamins that I'm prescribing will help with that too." The doctor pulled out her prescription pad and start scribbling. "Any morning sickness?"

"Oh yeah," Kate sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Morning and afternoon."

The doctor smiled. "Well, saltine crackers and dry toast can help with the nausea. Also make sure you get enough protein and dairy. Drink whole milk for the extra nutrients and increase your fruits and vegetables."

"Okay." Kate said softly. Her head was spinning as she listened to the instructions.

"And make sure you drink plenty of water. Some women, when they get pregnant, forget to drink enough water and end up dehydrated and run down." The doctor continued to write in the chart. "We'll go ahead and schedule a sonogram for 4 weeks from now…"

"A sonogram?" Kate asked a bit alarmed.

"Strictly routine… to check the baby's progress. And we usually can tell the sex of the baby as well…if you want to know." Dr. Walters explained.

Kate nodded. "Oh, okay." She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the sex or not. This was all too much she suddenly felt overwhelmed. _Who am I kidding? _She thought. _I can't do this alone._

Dr. Walters voice broke into her thoughts. "I'd like to have some blood test run as well, just as a precautionary because of your time on the island."

"You don't think that will affect the baby, do you?" Kate asked anxiously her hand immediately went to her abdomen without her even realizing it.

"It's just a precaution. Do you have a hospital preference?" The doctor asked as she starting writing again in Kate's chart.

"St " Kate blurted out without thinking twice. _Oh shit, that's Jack's hospital. _

Dr. Walters nodded. "Okay, I'll write up the order for the labs for you to take with you."

"You can't do them here?" Kate asked.

"Unfortunately no. We're in the middle of remodeling and our lab has been dismantled. I'm having to send everyone out." She explained.

"Oh okay." Kate mumbled as she looked down at her feet. _I probably won't see him_, she thought_. It's not like the lab is right next to the surgical rooms. _

A short time later a dressed Kate was given all her paperwork and instructions and was headed home. Needing to run some errands she left Carrie getting ready for work promising to stop by the grocery store.

A few hours later Kate had settled down in front of the television with a bowl of popcorn and some juice to watch a movie. She grabbed a fleece throw and snuggled under it as the opening credits started. A half hour into the show the doorbell rang. Softly padding over to the door she looked through the peephole and saw it was Sawyer.

'_Oh damn'_, she thought, with everything going on she had forgotten he was coming over for dinner tonight. She opened the door and was greeted with a _'it's about time, Freckles'_ as Sawyer breezed past her into the living room. Kate noticed he was carrying grocery bags in one hand and a pizza box in the other.

"Sawyer, what is all that?" she asked following him to the dining table.

"This here is Sawyer's sure fire 'forget the boyfriend blues' kit, guaranteed to

Have you laughing and countin' your blessin's that you lost the loser…" he started pulling out items from the bags. "A tub of chocolate ice cream, a bag of M&Ms, some chips, 2 six packs of beer. Plus a bottle of whiskey to do a shot for every fault the Doc has – of course, we might need a second bottle." He joked.

Kate shook her head. "Sawyer…"

"Don't Sawyer me Sweet Cheeks, you need some cheering up and I'm just the guy for the job. And since you mentioned ordering a pizza I picked one up on the way to save some time. A large supreme special." He opened the box and displayed the pie to Kate.

The smell from the sausage and onions waffled up into her nostrils making her stomach turn. "Excuse me. She covered her mouth and ran into the bathroom.

"What the hell Freckles?" Sawyer asked totally confused. "Guess she doesn't like sausage." He commented picking a piece off the pizza and popping it into his mouth.

A few minutes later Kate returned to the room and found Sawyer sitting at the table with an open bottle of beer munching on some chips. "You okay?" he asked noticing her pale complexion.

She nodded. "Sorry about that." She poured herself a glass of water and took a sip. Eyeing the box of pizza she scrunched her nose.

"Not a fan of supreme specials?" Sawyer joked. He reached over and handed her an unopened bottle of beer. "Here, this should help."

Kate shook her head. "No thanks."

"Oh come on Freckles, how can you expect to get over Jackass if you don't get rip roaring drunk? It's like a tradition to drink large amounts of alcohol after a breakup." He pushed the bottle in her direction again.

Again Kate shook her head. "First of all I'm not getting drunk and second I don't want to get over Jack."

Sawyer became exasperated at her stubbornness. "Oh jeez Freckles, what are you expecting Jackass to come knocking on your door asking for another chance? If you ask me you're better off!"

"I didn't ask Sawyer." Kate spit out. Her head was starting to have a dull ache. _Great, _she thought, _a headache and I can't take any aspirin. _"Maybe this wasn't a good idea tonight."

"Maybe I should just let you wallow in your misery, then?" He returned taking a long sip of his beer. "One beer won't kill you."

"I can't have any." Kate replied raising her voice.

"Why? You afraid you might actually have some fun!" he raised his voice as well and held the bottle towards her again.

"No! That's not it!" She yelled.

"Then what is it?" He challenged.

"I can't drink because I'm pregnant!"

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Sawyer reacts. And Jack and Sayid meet up and have a chat._**


	9. Ch 9 Baby O Baby

**A/N: Here's the next update…finally! Sorry you guys for the delay. I had some writer's block and it seemed to get worse after watching The Hunting Party. I also misplaced my outline so I feel like I'm writing blind. But enough about stuff that's not important. Hope you guys like this. It's a little short but it just felt like I should stop where I did. The next chapter will be longer and be posted in shorter time. As always review, review, review….**

**Chapter 9**

"You're what?" Sawyer's face registered the shocked he was feeling with his eyes taking the look of blue saucers.

"I'm pregnant" Kate repeated in a softer tone her green eyes moist from a threat of tears.

Sawyer put down the bottle of beer and stood up. His blue eyes filled with confusion and surprised. _Freckles pregnant? And where the hell was Jack? _Suddenly an idea popped in his head. _Maybe that's why they broke up he didn't want a baby._

Kate shifted uncomfortably as he stared at her. She hadn't planned on telling him tonight about the baby. At this point she didn't want to tell anyone. She wanted some time to think about things and start formulating a plan. Now he was Sawyer standing in front of her with a shocked look on his face looking like he wasn't sure how to respond to her. "Say something." She finally told him.

He swallowed. "So, you're gonna be a mama?" he said.

"Yeah, looks like it."

"Does Doc know?" He asked wondering if maybe Jack had dumped a pregnant Kate.

She shook her head and looked down at her feet before turning and walking back over to the couch. "I haven't told him."

"Why not? Doesn't the Hero want kids?" Sawyer's tone hinted at anger at the idea of Jack turning his back not only on Kate but his child. He always figured Jack to be better than that.

"He wants kids." Kate said softly as her fingers played with the throw blanket next to her. "I just can't tell him…not now."

"Why?" Sawyer's voice got a little louder before another thought popped into his head. _Maybe the baby wasn't his? Nah, Kate wasn't the type to cheat…then again…_

"I just can't." She answered not really sure she wanted to tell him everything. Things between he and Jack had been better before the rescue, Kate actually thought they could become good friends once they both stopped trying to compete with each other. But she expected Sawyer to not understand the whole situation with Sarah, not many people would.

"Why Kate?" He asked again coming over and sitting down on the opposite side of the couch. "Why can't you tell him? Is junior not his?"

That last question shot through Kate and caused her to look up at him with a flash of surprise in her eyes. That was the last thing she was expecting him to ask. "Where the hell did that come from?" She spit out as she put her hand on her stomach. "The baby IS Jack's."

Sawyer flinched from the tone in her voice. _Probably shouldn't have asked her that Sawyer, _he told himself. "Sorry," he mumbled. "But I'm just trying to figure out why you wouldn't tell Doc...and why you two broke up."

"It's a long story." She sighed.

"I ain't goin' no where." Sawyer replied. He looked over at the pretty young woman sitting next to him watching her eyes reflect weariness and sadness at the same time. It made him want to just wrap her up in his arms and try to make everything right for her. But Kate's body language stopped him. She sat back against the corner of the couch pulling at the throw blanket her arms crossed against her body. She definitely wasn't asking for a hug at this point at least not from him. "Come on Freckles, what's goin' on?"

"I never thought this would turn into such a mess." She said softly looking straight ahead. Sawyer wasn't sure if she was really talking to him or just thinking out loud.

"What's a mess?" His curiosity peaked.

Kate turned slowly and looked at Sawyer. She saw genuine concern in his eyes and tried to give him a small smile. She wanted him to know she appreciated what he was trying to do – giving her a shoulder to lean on. She just wasn't sure if she was ready to tell him everything.

"Come on Freckles, it can't be good for the baby for you to be keeping all this inside." He prodded her placing a hand on her forearm and giving it a small squeeze. It brought back memories to Sawyer of times he had spent with the wives of his marks getting them to tell him their problems and secrets. He got good at pretending to care and it showed in his soft voice and gentle touches. But with Kate it was different – he really did care. He didn't like the idea of her having to face something like this feeling alone.

"Why haven't you told Doc about the baby?" He asked. "Why did you break up?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders and stood up. "We had to. His ex-wife is dying." She stated.

"What?"

"His ex Sarah is dying from cancer."

"And what the hell does that have to do with you two?" He wanted to know.

"Jack needs to take care of her. She doesn't have anybody else." Kate told him sadly.

"Oh? So, he had to break it off with you to play hero?" The young man asked irritated.

Kate shook her head and brought her fingers to the bracelet jack had given her. Running her thumb softly along the charms she flashed back to their last day together. "I left him." She finally said softly, her voice heavy with emotion.

"You left Doc?" Sawyer was taken aback in surprise. He never believed Kate would do something like that after he witnessed how hard she had fallen for Jack on the island. "Why?"

"Because he needs to focus on taking care of Sarah." She said plainly. "He can't do it with me there."

Sawyer took a long swig of his beer and he tried to figure out what Kate was avoiding telling him. He knew there was more to this story and the more he asked the more she danced around the answer. He figured now was the time to try a different angle. "So, was this before or after you found out about the baby?"

"Before, "She admitted. "I just found out that I was pregnant yesterday."

"Well, you gotta tell him Freckles." Sawyer told her. "What the hell are you waiting for? You know he's gonna take you back."

"It's not that simple." She sighed.

"Sure it is, Sweetheart." He insisted. "You'll tell Doc he's gonna be a daddy and he'll be over here to pick you up before you can even finish packing."

Kate could feel tears forming as she thought about Sawyer's words. She knew he was right – Jack wouldn't hesitate if she called him with the news. But she couldn't. "It's not that simple." She repeated.

_There is was again, _Sawyer thought. _She's dancing around the reason for all this. Well enough is enough of this chicken dance. _"And why not Freckles? What aren't you telling me?"

Wanting to end this verbal volley Kate told Sawyer the whole situation hoping he would understand why she couldn't tell Jack about the baby yet and stop questioning her. She was wrong.

Sawyer, for his part, remained uncharacteristically quiet while Kate told her story. He couldn't believe that Jack had agreed to go along with Kate's plan. It made no sense to him at all – to give up Kate for a dying woman? He waited until she was done before saying anything.

"You're yankin' my chain?" He finally said sarcastically.

Kate shook her head. "No, it's true."

"Well, Freckles, if that isn't the stupidest thing I ever heard." He took another long drink and found he had finished the bottle. Getting up he walked over and grabbed another. "You can seriously think that you're doing anybody any favors by pushing Doc into marrying his ex 'cause she's dying?"

"Sarah needs him, Sawyer. She doesn't have any family and she needs the support, not to mention the medical insurance." The young woman explained.

"Oh, and you don't need him, is that it, Freckles? Sawyer challenged as he sat back down on the couch. He still couldn't understand where Kate was coming from on this crazy situation.

"Sawyer, I'm not dying." She said sadly even though a part of her, a big part, wanted to agree with him that she did need Jack.

"No, but you are having a kid. Jack's kid." Sawyer pointed out. "And you should tell him."

"Sawyer…"

"He has a right to know!" The southern man interrupted. "He's the father and he needs to know."

"Since when did you become Jack's defender?" Kate asked angrily. The last thing she wanted to do was debate this with Sawyer so she decided to try and turn it around.

"It's ain't about that Sweetheart. It's about a man having the right to know he's gonna be a daddy. He should know."

"He will, when everything is….done with Sarah. He'll come back and we'll be a family."

"Oh really? And just how long is it gonna take…this thing with Sarah? Do you even know?" He retorted. "Did the doctor give her 3 months? 6 months? A year?" When Kate didn't answer he continued. "You don't know, do you? It could be a long time. And what if during that time Jack falls in love with her again? It could happen you know, him being around her all the time…"

"STOP IT!" Kate yelled at him, a tear coming down her cheek. She quickly reached up and brushed it away. "That's not going to happen."

Sawyer immediately regretted his words, noticing the wounded look on her face from his verbal attack. He stood up and took a step towards her. She quickly stepped back. "Stay away from me." She told him.

"Freckles, look…I'm sorry."

Kate angrily wiped at another tear that fell as she shook her head. "No, you're not!" She told him. "You're not sorry."

"Yes, I am." He tried taking another step towards her reaching out to put a comforting hand on her but Kate took another step back.

"You should just leave." She told him.

"Come on, Freckles, give me a chance."

"Another chance to what, point out some more how doomed Jack and I are?" She spit out still stinging from Sawyer's attack.

"I wasn't trying to say that." He told her running his hand nervously through his hair. His mind trying to find the words to make this better. "I was just trying to figure out why you would do something like this." He stammered.

"I already told you why."

Nodding Sawyer took another step towards Kate and was relieved when she didn't retreat from him. He studied her for a moment, noticing how despite the puffiness in her eyes from crying and her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail there was a glow to her that made her look more beautiful than usual. He smiled remembering how people always talk about how pregnant women have a glow to them. Kate was definitely glowing. His smiled faded slightly with the thought that it was Jack's baby she was carrying.

"What?" Kate's voice broke into his thoughts.

"Just trying to picture you pregnant." Sawyer lied. "All nice and round." He circled his arms in front of him mimicking a large belly.

"Don't even think about referring to me as '_round'_" She replied giving his shoulder a shove.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Freckles." He flashed his dimpled smile at her. Reaching over he took her hand in his, "You know, I don't agree with you not telling Doc about the baby…like I told you he's the daddy and he should know." He noticed her eyes start to cloud over. "But…I also know I can't change your mind once it's made up. So, I'll just tell ya' if you need anything I'm here for you."

Kate looked over at the blonde man as he told her this and felt a wave of emotions come over her. It felt good to hear he would be there for her. She smiled broadly as tears started to form again. '_Damn_ _hormones'_ she thought. Nodding she gave his hand a squeeze. "Thank you." She said softly.

Returning her nod, Sawyer pulled her into his embrace kissing the top of her head. "You'll be okay." He told her.

Kate returned the hug tightly glad to be able to have somebody to lean on for the moment. She hadn't planned on telling Sawyer the whole story especially about the baby but now she was glad she had. Her heart ached to have Jack there holding her as they talked about the baby, but she knew that wouldn't be happening, but at least for tonight she wasn't alone.

A short time later Carrie arrived home and found Kate and Sawyer on the couch wrestling over the TV remote.

"Damn it, Freckles, I'm not watching some sappy chick flick where the girl dies at the end." He argued pulling the remote from her hand. But Kate snatched it back before he could push the button.

"Love Story is a classic." She replied pushing him back away from her. Thinking quickly she stuffed the remote down her pajama top.

Sawyer's dimples flashed. "Don't think that's gonna stop me." He teased.

"Hey." Carrie greet warmly.

Sawyer looked over and smiled. "Hey there Red, nice to see you again."

"You too…James." Carrie replied placing her things down on a nearby chair. She looked over at the dining table. "Did I miss dinner?"

"There's pizza still." Kate told her. "And some beer in the fridge."

"Yeah, Kate passed on the pizza. Didn't agree with her." Sawyer commented, remembering her earlier reaction to the aroma. He got up and walked over to the refrigerator.

Carrie laughed as she placed a slice of pizza on a plate. "Not a whole lot is agreeing with her these days." She joked.

Sawyer handed her a beer. "Has she been crankier than usual too?" He asked, his blue eyes dancing as Carrie nodded.

"Hey!" Don't talk about me like I'm not here." Kate called out from the couch.

"There you go." Sawyer laughed. Kate stuck out her tongue at him before returning her attention to the television.

"Tequila?" Carrie nodded towards the bottle of liquor on the table as she munched on the pizza.

"Well, that was before I found out about Junior." He confessed. "Guess I'll have to drink it alone."

Carrie looked over at him and grinned. "I'm not pregnant."

Sawyer smiled again, damn if this redhead didn't looked like fun. "Well, Red, that's good to know." They exchanged the smile for a moment before Sawyer chuckled again. "But you know I've got a better idea. Why don't we get out of here and go find ourselves some music to go with the tequila."

Carrie nodded. "Sounds like fun."

Sawyer turned to Kate, "Come on Freckles, get yourself changed, we're gonna go find ourselves a bar and have a little fun."

But Kate shook her head. "Count me out." She said. "I can't drink and I'm not up for standing around inhaling second hand smoke. Besides I'm tired anyway."

"Oh come on Kate, it'll be fun." Carrie offered. "It might do you some good."

"Really I'm fine." Kate replied. "I've got my ice cream and my movie, I'm good."

Carrie and Sawyer looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "Your lost Freckles." He replied.

"Give me a few minutes to change." Carrie smiled as she hurried into her bedroom. '_This was definitely going to be fun'_

"Good Morning" Kate cheerfully greeted her roommate the next morning handing her a cup of coffee.

Carrie shuffled her feet to the table and slid into the chair – the movement seemed to make the hammer in her head bang even harder. _'God, I hate tequila'_ she thought to herself.

"Have fun last night?" Kate asked as she buttered some toast.

"Humpf" Carrie mumbled.

"Would that be a yes?" Kate continued cheerfully.

Carrie put her head into her hands and pressed against her temples. "I need aspirin." She mumbled.

Kate walked over and handed her a glass of water and the bottle of aspirin. "Thought you might," She told her. "You know it's almost an art drinking with Sawyer. The fact that you survived is worth a medal."

Carrie raised her head slowly and looked up at her room mate. "I survived?" She cracked, her tongue feeling like it was made of cotton.

Kate laughed and sat down with her breakfast. "Did you want something to eat? I made extra eggs."

Carrie's stomach turned. Now she knew what Kate's morning sickness must feel like. She shook her head. "No."

"Okay. Just as well anyway, I'm starving this morning." Kate lifted a forkful of eggs into her mouth. "So where did you two end up going?"

"To some little bar Sawyer knew about. One of those neighborhood types, but they had a small dance floor and some music playing. You know, he's a good dancer."

"No, I didn't know that."

Carrie looked over at her friend and smiled. "Yeah, he is" She flashed back to the night before remembering Sawyer teaching her to two-step his dimples flashing as Carrie tried to avoid falling on her behind when he twirled her around. At the time she thought the shots of tequila were helping her rhythm – now this morning she wasn't so convinced.

"Glad you two had fun." Kate commented. Carrie looked over at her and suddenly a thought came into her head.

"Hey, I almost forgot. I got something for you." Carrie slowly got up and made her way over to her work bag and pulled out a package. Gingerly she made her way back to the dining table and handed the gift to Kate. The paper had images of baby ducks and rattles and the words "for baby" all over. In the middle of the yellow bow was a small baby rattle.

Kate looked at the brightly wrapped gift and smiled, though she felt a little confused. "Don't you think it's a little early for a baby gift?"

"Actually, this is a mommy to be gift. I just thought the wrapping paper was cute." Carrie explained as she poured herself another cup of coffee. Thank goodness Kate knew how to make good coffee.

Carefully opening the package Kate found the book "_What to Expect When You're Expecting"_ inside.

"I'm told it's a must read for first time moms." Carrie commented as Kate flipped through the pages. "It's pretty cool. It covers all kinds of stuff that happens to you as you go through each month. I figured since neither you or I have any experience with having babies we could use all the help we can get. That way you don't get freaked out when your feet swell up."

"Thanks." Kate smirked. "Looking forward to that."

"Yeah, wait until like your seventh month. I read…"

"That's okay." Kate cut her friend off. "I'll read about that later." She put the book down and smiled at Carrie. "Thank you. It was a sweet gesture."

Carrie returned her smile. "Your welcome. You know, it's gonna be okay, you'll see."

TBC

* * *

**_Upcoming chapter: An unexpected meeting_**


	10. Ch 10 Back In Your Arms Again

**A/N: Here is the next chapter. I'm sorry to you guys for such a loooong time between updates. Life just got in the way. But here it is and hope you guys like it. As always let me know what you think! I live on a steady diet of reviews...**

**Chapter 10**

The sun shone brightly as Jack pulled his black jeep into the parking lot of a business center. A few of the surrounding businesses were industrial in nature with the center core of offices consisting of an insurance center, a medical supply store, a couple of fast food joints, an attorney's office and a used furniture store. Jack parked in front of the office at the end and walked into 'Locke and Load Investigations', the private investigations agency owned by John Locke and Sayid Jarriah.

The lobby contained a reception desk and several chairs against the wall. A few plants were placed around the room to compliment the muted beige color of the walls. One of the walls contained a framed picture of the survivors taken after their rescue on their last night in Hawaii. It was the same picture Jack had up in his office at home. Flanked on either side were a couple of framed covers of Newsweek referencing the rescue and a later one on John Locke and the agency.

"Good Morning Dr. Shepard." The secretary, Yolanda, greeted cheerfully.

"Good Morning, Yolanda." He smiled warmly at the petite blonde who ran the front office. "Is he here?"

She nodded and gestured down the hall. "Sayid said to send you right in." She chirped, batting her eyes at the handsome doctor.

"Thanks." Jack made his way to an office at the end of the short hall. Knocking a couple of times as a courtesy he stuck his head in and saw Sayid on the phone. The man motioned him to come in as he continued the conversation.

"I'm happy to hear that you are pleased with the results, Mr. Kile. Yes, of course. No, I understand totally, discretion is very important." Sayid nodded his head.

Jack sat down in the chair in front of Sayid's desk and eyed the brown paper bags on top. He could smell something good coming from it.

Sayid covered the receiver and looked at Jack. "I order breakfast already." He pointed to the bags. "Get yourself some coffee. I shouldn't be much longer."

As he returned to his call Jack heard a soft knock on the door and Yolanda came in carrying a mug of coffee. "I figured you'd like some coffee, Dr. Shepard." She smiled sweetly.

"Ah, Yolanda, you're a life saver." Jack declared as he took the mug. "Thank you. And please, like I've told you before, it's Jack."

Yolanda blushed. "You're welcome…Jack."

Sayid put the receiver down as his secretary exited the office. "Amazing." He shook his head.

"What?"

"She never brings me coffee." Sayid stated.

"Really?"

"You have no idea the power you have over women, Jack."

Jack scoffed. "Right." He chuckled.

"I'm serious. You remember all the attention you got when we were rescued, _Heroic Doctor_?" Sayid replied using the title the media had coined to refer to Jack.

"I remember you and Sawyer weren't exactly ignored." He countered, opening up the Styrofoam container of food.

"Yes, but we weren't invited to go on the Oprah Show and described by Oprah as 'the sexy surgeon'"

Jack blushed at the memory. "That was embarrassing. Kate teased me for a week for that."

At the mention of her name Sayid noticed Jack frown briefly. It was at this point he also noticed the plain wedding band on Jack's finger. He knew what had happened as Jack had called him previously and filled him in on what was going on wondering if he was doing the right thing. Sayid had no answer simply telling his friend that he had sympathy for his situation.

"Have you spoken to her since…?" Sayid finally asked.

Jack shook his head. "Since she left? No. I tried calling her at Sun's house but she wasn't home and she didn't call me back."

"Did you expect her to?"

Jack looked up surprised by the other man's question. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I would imagine it would be difficult to speak with you knowing the two of you are not together." Sayid surmised. "This can't be an easy time for her."

"It's not easy for me either." Jack replied hotly. "That's why I wanted to speak with her…make sure she was okay."

"You miss her." Sayid stated after a moment noting the look of pain in Jack's eyes already answering him. He knew the pain Jack felt of losing someone you loved…even if Kate was still alive.

"Every day," Jack admitted sadly. "I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. She left early in the morning while I was still asleep."

"Perhaps she thought it would be too hard." Sayid suggested.

Jack nodded remembering waking up that morning and finding her side of the bed cold and empty. Rolling out of bed he had walked down the quiet hallway hoping to find her in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the paper like previous mornings. He had found it empty instead. A part of him wasn't surprised to find her gone. Hadn't she been good at running in the past?

"She left because she knew I would have asked her to stay another day." Jack said quietly.

Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door. Jack Locke walked in. "Good Morning Gentlemen," the older man greeted in his usual pleasant but determined manner.

After their rescue from the island, the two men had managed to put aside their differences and forged a better friendship. No longer faced with having to lead the group of survivors through dangers and threats Jack realized that John's beliefs were not always so far off of Jack's. It was more he viewed things from a different perspective than Jack had. He had taught Jack that to lead well a man must look at things from more than one angle and with other beliefs as a possibility.

"Morning, John." Jack greeted. "Joining us for breakfast?"

"Unfortunately, no." he placed a metal briefcase on the desk and popped it open. "I've drawn the overnight surveillance on one of our cases and I'm heading home for sleep."

"Explains the outfit." Jack joked referring to the black cargo pants, black boots and black long sleeve shirt Lock was sporting.

John looked down and chuckled. "Best to blend in and not be seen when you're watching people."

"So, what'd you do about the…"Jack motioned with his hand to the top of his head.

"Knit cap." John replied as he pulled out a manila folder and digital camera. "Here are the pictures from last night, Sayid. I thought you could download them into the computer. I'll have Yolanda take care of the log sheets."

Sayid nodded and took the camera. "This'll only take a couple of minutes, Jack."

John walked back around to where Jack was and sat on the corner of the desk. "How is Sarah doing?" he asked.

"She's coping. "Jack replied. "She had surgery to clean up some scar tissue from her hysterectomy – it was giving her some pain."

"And the chemo?"

"She hasn't started it yet. The doctor wanted to giver her some time to heal from this surgery. Plus she's been looking into doing an experimental treatment." Jack explained.

"So, she's optimistic?" John questioned.

Jack looked at the older man and shrugged his shoulders. "She's got terminal cancer, John. I don't know how optimistic she can really be. The treatment is more to give her some extra time – it's not a cure."

John smiled his usual smile and for a moment Jack felt like they were back in the hatch on the island. "The mind is a very powerful tool, Jack, you should know that. As a man of medicine you know it's amazing what a person can do when they truly believe in something."

"As a man of medicine I also know that terminal cancer is just that terminal. It can't be beat just because a person thinks it can be." Jack retorted.

John nodded but continued to smile. "There have been cases where people have done just that," He pointed out. "Lance Armstrong, for instance."

Jack sighed. "And for every Lance Armstrong there are thousands of others who weren't able to beat it." He took a sip of his coffee. "Sarah's looking at this realistically and she's got a good grief counselor to help her adjust."

"John," Sayid's voice broke into the conversation. "I've finished downloading the photos." He handed his partner the camera back hoping to end the previous discussion. John took the hint.

"Thank you." Locke stood up and put the camera back into the briefcase and started out the door. "I'll say a prayer for Sarah." He told Jack who just nodded. "Good Night." Closing the door behind him he left the two men in silence.

"You know, "Jack finally spoke up. "Sometimes it's like we're still on the island arguing over that damn button."

Kate stepped out into the hospital corridor tugging at the loose peach top she wore over a pair of blue jean Capri pants whose waist was already fitting snug. _'And I just got these.'_ Kate thought to herself. Her appointment with the lab had left her feeling more like a pin cushion than an expectant mother.

"Hope they left some blood for the baby." She mumbled to herself as she walked away rubbing her bicep sore from the needle. Shoving the lab paperwork into her purse Kate's stomach grumbled reminding her that she hadn't eaten anything yet and it was already early afternoon.

Looking down she started digging in her purse for her car keys while she continued walking down the corridor. BAM! Suddenly she felt herself run into a person. "I'm so so-…"she looked up and found herself starting at Jack! "Jack." She whispered almost not believing her own eyes that he was there. She felt her heart skip a beat.

Jack stood in front of her, his hand still gently gripping her arms where he had grabbed her after their collision to steady her. His eyes registering the initial shock of seeing her there before being overtaken with happiness. "Kate." He said softly.

"Hey." She choked out locking eyes with him.

"You okay?" he continued to hold on to her arms. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" his voice full of concern.

Kate swallowed hard, her mind going blank. "Huh?" she finally said. "Oh, no, I'm fine." She replied, her gaze not wavering. "You okay?"

Jack chuckled. "Nothing broken." He replied and pulled her gently to the side of the corridor. "So, what are you doing here, Kate?"

She found herself getting lost in his warm dark eyes like so many times in the past. They seemed to probe her and yet comfort her at the same time. _'Damn, she missed him.'_ She thought to herself.

"Kate…" His voice broke into her Jack induced fog.

Blinking she glanced away for a moment before looking back at him. Her mind flashed to the reason for her trip to the hospital – the baby! She couldn't tell him about the baby, not yet.

"I…ahum…" Her brain shut down for a moment as she went through plausible reasons for being there. She thought of telling him she was visiting a friend, but he knew all of her friends and would surely ask who it was.

"Kate." Jack started to get worried when she didn't answer right away. He noticed the nervous look in her eyes. He immediately thought she might be ill and wasn't trying to avoid telling him. "What are you doing here? You're not sick are you?"

Kate smiled as she heard the concern in his voice. She felt happy for a moment to have him being protective over her again. She could only imagine how protective he would get if he knew her current condition.

"I'm okay." She gave him a small smile. "I had a check up and my doctor's lab is under construction so she sent me her for the blood work."

Jack nodded relieved to hear she was okay. Releasing her arms he let one of his hands drop slowly and grasp her hand caressing it with his thumb. "So, how have you been?" he asked squeezing her hand.

Kate swallowed hard feeling a shiver go up her arm as he continued holding her hand. "Okay." She managed to reply. A small part of her brain told her she should probably pull her hand away but the rest of her refused to listen. "How have you been?" She softly asked.

"I've been okay." He reached up with his free hand and gently brushed her cheek. She looked even more beautiful then the last time he saw her, Jack thought to himself. She was wearing her hair loose and curly – his favorite style on her and her eyes seemed to hold an extra sparkle in them…almost like she had just been told a joke and was still laughing. "I miss you." He said truthfully.

Kate felt her heart rate quicken at his statement. "I miss you too." She replied quickly. She squeezed his hand fighting the urge to reach over and let him wrap his arms around her.

Before either one could say anything more an orderly came down the corridor pushing a gurney with a large man on top. As he pushed he seemed to be having a difficult time maneuvering the gurney without almost bumping the walls. Instinctively Jack pulled Kate closer to him to move her out of the way.

"Sorry Doc'." The man said as he passed the couple. "Bad wheel."

"No problem." Jack replied feeling sorry for the patient experiencing the bumpy ride. He turned back to Kate and smiled. "Gotta watch out for those gurneys. They'll leave a mark." He joked.

Smiling, Kate took a step back and suddenly heard her stomach grumbled again…loudly. Biting her bottom lip she blushed. "Excuse me."

Jack chuckled. "How about I buy you lunch?" he offered.

"That's okay." Kate shook her head. "You don't have to."

Reaching over Jack took her elbow in his hand. "I know I don't have to. I want to." He started gently pushing her down the hall. "Besides I haven eaten either and I know how naggy you get when I skip meals."

"Naggy?" Kate tilted her head slightly to look at him from the side. "Jack, that's not even a word."

"It should be. It describes you perfectly when you get into one of those moods." He replied light heartedly.

"One of those moods?" Kate said in mock anger. "And just what is one of those moods."

Jack looked over at her and gave her the grin that she always found hard to resist. "Naggy." He replied as he pushed the elevator button.

"So, what you're saying is that I nag?" Kate followed him into the empty elevator not really paying much attention to where they were going.

"Sometimes," He confessed smirking. "A little"

Staring at the handsome doctor Kate put her hands on her hips and stood firm in front of him. "I, Dr. Shepard, do not nag." She stated seriously.

Jack couldn't help but laugh as he watched Kate standing in front of him trying to look defiant. He leaned towards her and tapped his finger on her nose. "You, Ms. Austen, have been known to nag."

The "bing" from the elevator bell caught Kate's attention before she could answer. Jack gestured to exit and as they stepped out Kate realized they were in the garage of the hospital walking towards Jack's jeep.

"Hey, I thought we were going to the cafeteria." She commented.

Approaching his vehicle Jack turned off the alarm and opened the door for Kate. "You really didn't want to eat hospital food, did you?" he asked.

Kate shook her head. "No, not if I can avoid it." She got into the passenger seat and watched as Jack walked around and got in his side. She still couldn't believe she had agreed to have lunch with him. Come to think of it she hadn't told him she was going she had just followed him into the elevator enjoying being with him again. She knew that it probably wasn't the best idea to spend time with him, but she couldn't help it. It felt so good to be back joking and flirting with Jack and even though she knew it would be hard to part again she decided to herself, as Jack pulled out of the garage, she was going to forget everything else and just enjoy having lunch with him. Glancing over at Jack she caught his attention and smirked.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"I.do.not.nag." She stated flirtatiously.

"Okay," he laughed. "If you say so."

"I do say so, Dr. 'It's my nature to fuss' Shepard…talk about nagging."

Jack looked over at her for a moment putting a surprised look on her face. "So, now _you're _trying to say I nag?"

"Well, if the shoe fits." She replied.

"I don't nag, Kate. I give medical advice." He retorted.

"You can call it that if you want. 'Kate, you shouldn't be climbing trees so much.' 'Kate, don't go out in the jungle alone' 'Kate put on a sweater' 'Kate, don't drive on the freeway'" She mocked.

Jack chuckled and waved a hand at her to get her to stop. "Okay, okay, very funny. Forgive me for trying to keep you from falling out of a tree or getting eaten by that security system in the jungle." He tried to make his voice sound hurt.

"Ah huh," Kate wasn't buying it.

"As for you driving on the freeway," Jack continued glancing sideways at her for a brief moment. "I'm just looking out for the safety of the other drivers." He deadpanned.

"Jack!" Kate gasped and reached over and slapped him on the arm. "My driving is not that bad." She laughed.

"Tell that to the guy you almost hit that one time." He replied laughing.

"But I didn't hit him." She pointed out in defense. "Besides..." she giggled, "He wasn't in the crosswalk."

Jack laughed at her response. He was definitely enjoying getting a chance to spend time with Kate again; happy at how easily they slipped back into the comfortableness they always seemed to share.

"You're paying for that comment." Kate told him after a moment.

"Oh yeah? How so?" Jack maneuvered his jeep through the light afternoon traffic.

"I'm ordering the most expensive thing on the menu…and I'm getting dessert too."

"Kate, you don't even know where we're eating." He pointed out.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Doesn't matter, still making you pay."

A short time later the couple pulled into a restaurant and went inside. By the time they were seated Kate felt like she was starving. She could smell the aroma of the foods from the nearby tables which only added to her hunger. Since finding out she was pregnant she had noticed her sense of smell had heightened along with her taste buds. The waiter brought their drinks and a basket of warm bread which Kate practically pounced on. She had devoured a bread stick and was working on a second before Jack reached for one.

"What?" She asked taking a bite and noticing the amused look on his face. "I'm a little hungry."

"I'll say."

"I had to fast for the blood test and that's not easy to do." She told him. '_Especially when you're pregnant' _she added silently.

"So everything is okay, right?" Jack asked concerned.

Kate took another bite of her bread stick. "I'm healthy." She told him dancing around her condition without directly lying to Jack in her answer.

"I'm glad to hear that." He reached over and took her hand in his and squeezed it. Kate smiled at his gesture despite the small voice in her head telling her to tell Jack about the baby. _He does have a right to know,_ the voice told her. _He should know._ As she waged her internal battle with herself Kate caught a glimpse of the band on his other hand. The realization that he was married hit her with a pain in her heart like a knife had been stuck in it. She felt a lump in her throat as she thought about Jack exchanging vows with Sarah instead of her. She knew it had been her idea but it still hurt – especially as she looked at the proof on his left hand. But the pain only hardened her resolve not to tell Jack about the baby yet. Sarah needed him and he had to follow through on his commitment to her, Kate thought to herself. _'When it's over he and I and the baby will be together…we'll be a family.'_

"Kate." Jack's voice brought her out of her thoughts.

"What?" She blinked a couple of times.

"Time to order." He nodded towards her unopened menu and the waiter standing at their side.

"Oh, sorry." She picked up the menu and opened it.

"I'll give you a couple of more minutes." The waiter offered and walked away.

Kate scanned the menu and saw "sirloin burger" and suddenly felt an incredible craving come over her. The idea of a grilled meat patty with gooey cheese and topped with onions and pickles almost made her mouth water.

"Know what you want?" Jack asked casually.

"I think so." She smiled and put her menu down.

The waiter returned a short time later and Jack grinned when Kate order the burger requesting extra cheese and pickles.

"Getting away from the vegetarian diet I see."

Kate blushed. "Sort of. Ever since the boar on the island I've had my moments."

"Well, I welcome you to the carnivore world." He tipped his glass of iced tea towards her in jest.

"Oh yeah, well, don't expect me to be a regular visitor." She laughed.

They chatted lightly through most of their meal Jack telling Kate about his recent get-together with Sayid. "So, he and Nadia look like they may be getting closer to getting married." He told her. "She's got a good chance at a job with a child crisis center. Sayid is figuring once she settles into a job they'll set a date."

"That's great to hear." Kate bit into her burger savoring the taste of the meat. _'Man, this tastes great.' _She thought to herself.

"How's your burger?" Jack asked noticing the look of satisfaction coming over her face.

Kate nodded her head as she finished chewing. "Mmmum…very good." She replied.

"So, does this mean the end of the tofu burgers?"

Kate scrunched up her nose. "Okay, so I had one bad meal idea. Are you going to hold that against me for the rest of our lives?"

Jack raised his eyebrows and looked up at Kate from his plate. "They were awful." He complained. "We had to eat all that ice cream just to get the taste out of my mouth."

Kate giggled at the memory of Jack's face when he had taken a big bite out of the tofu burger. He had reminded her of one of her cats, when she was a child, trying to get rid of a hairball.

"What?" Jack asked her.

"I was just remembering your face when you bit into it." She started laughing hard. "I thought you were going to choke trying to spit it back out."

"Yours didn't look much better if I remember," Jack teased her back.

"But at least I didn't have to drink like 2 big glasses of water." She joked, her eyes sparkling at the memory.

Jack shot her a look then returned to his food. The waiter came by to check on them and Kate happily ordered a piece of chocolate cake for dessert. "I'll share." She offered when her cake was delivered handing Jack a fork. They continued chatting happily continuing to enjoy the company of each other and ignoring that they would have to part soon.

All too soon they were done eating and it was time to leave. Kate excused herself to the bathroom while Jack paid the bill. As she washed her hands and fluffed out her hair she was a bit surprised that she hadn't been hit with any nausea yet.

"Maybe you're just enjoying being with your daddy." Kate commented patting her stomach. It was the first time she had actually thought of the baby as a person. "I am too" She admitted somewhat sadly then shook her head as if to erase the negative thoughts. She was with Jack and they had a wonderful time at lunch – she wasn't going to ruin it with thoughts of having to separate when they got back to the hospital.

The ride back to the hospital wasn't as animated as the conversation in the restaurant. Kate told Jack about moving in with one of her co-workers and the apartment she was now living at. She told him about Carrie and how well they seemed to be getting along.

They arrived back at the hospital and Kate directed Jack to where her vehicle was parked. As they got out it was obvious neither one was looking forward to parting.

"Thanks for lunch, Jack. It was great." Kate told him giving him a small smile, dreading their good-bye.

"Yeah, I had a great time too." Jack told her as he watched her dig for her car keys in her purse. The last thing he wanted to do was watch her drive away. "Maybe, we could do this again?" He suggested with a hopeful tone in his voice. The idea of seeing each other again would some how lessen the blow of parting today.

"Yeah, maybe" she said softly, knowing that it was a lie. As much as she would like to see him again she knew she'd be showing soon and Jack couldn't see her like that.

Opening her car door she stood by her vehicle looking at Jack locking glances again. She could see all the emotion he was feeling displayed in his warm brown eyes and knew hers were mirroring the same.

"I really don't want you to go." He said softly.

"I know." She nodded her head. "But I have to."

He nodded knowing she was right. Needing to prolong contact he reached over and pulled her into an embrace. Kate was momentarily taken aback but then just as quickly relaxed in his strong embrace. She had to admit she had missed being in his arms more than she wanted to admit at that moment.

"I love you." He told her softly in her ear, the warmth of his breath causing Kate to shiver and burrow herself a little deeper in his arms.

"I love you too. That hasn't changed." She whispered. She gave him another small tight squeeze before reluctantly pulling herself out of his arms, sniffing back tears. "I better go, Jack."

"Okay." He coughed holding back his urge to pull her back into his arms again and not let her go. He stood by as Kate got into her vehicle and went to start it. As she turned the ignition key all she got was a click. She tried again – same click. "Oh great." She moaned.

"What's wrong?" Jack wanted to know.

"I'm not sure, but I think my battery is dead." She tried turning the ignition again and still nothing.

"Turn on your headlights." Jack told her stepping out to the front of her car. A moment later the headlights were still dark. "Looks like you're right about the battery." He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. "I'll call Triple A. "He offered knowing her vehicle was still under his plan. A short time later the tow truck arrived. The mechanic checked out Kate's vehicle and announced that it wasn't her battery but a problem with the electrical system that was causing a short.

"I'll have to tow it back to the garage to get it fixed up." He told the couple. "Probably take a couple of days to fix, but it should be under warranty."

"Great." Kate mumbled.

"You can probably get a rental." The mechanic suggested. Kate nodded too frustrated to answer.

"Go ahead and take it." Jack told the guy. After the mechanic was done hooking the vehicle up to his tow truck Jack approached him again and handed him his business card. "I know the repairs should be covered by the warranty, but if there's any problems or other charges let me know and I'll take care of it."

The mechanic nodded then looked back over at Kate. "Give me a call tomorrow and I'll let you know what I found."

"You didn't have to do that." Kate told Jack as the two truck pulled away.

"Do what?"

"Offer to pay." She frowned silently not wanting him to feel obligated to take care of her. "I can handle it."

Jack looked over at her and smiled. "Yes, you can, but you don't have to, okay? I don't mind."

"But I'm not your responsibility." She insisted. "You shouldn't feel like you have to take care of me."

Jack smiled again at her. "You'll always be someone I want to take care of." He took her hand in his. "You know, you look a little tired. How about I get you home now?"

"Don't you have to go back to work?"

Shaking his head Jack pulled out his phone again calling his secretary and letting her know he was going to be out of the office for the rest of the day. "There. I'm all yours now."

Feeling in no mood to argue Kate nodded and followed him back to his vehicle. A short time later they arrived at her apartment and Kate found herself asking him in for coffee.

"Nice place." Jack commented as he followed Kate inside.

"It's mainly Carrie's doing." Kate explained as they walked over to the dining table. "She was already living here when I moved in." She went into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. A few minutes later the two were seated on the couch sipping coffee and talking about trivial things of no great importance.

Suddenly Jack reached over and took Kate's hand in his and looked directly at her. "You know, I miss this. I miss us." He told her gently.

Kate returned his gaze, her stomach doing a small flip. "I do too, Jack." She replied truthfully. "I almost called you a couple of times to tell you…to tell you I missed you."

"Why didn't you?" He asked happy to hear her confession.

Kate found herself drowning again in his warm brown eyes – the flicks of green more evident by the dark green dress shirt he was wearing. "I didn't want to interfere." She finally told him.

Jack shook his head. "Interfere? How would you be interfering?" He couldn't understand why she would think being in his life would be an interference.

Bending her head down Kate brought her finger to his left hand and traced the wedding band on his finger but didn't answer immediately. Jack cupped her face and brought it up to meet his.

"I love you, Kate. That has not changed and it's not going to change." He told her repeating her words from earlier. "You are the only woman that I want to be with. The only woman that I think about first thing in the morning and the last thing at night before I go to bed, as clique as that may sound." His voice was low and full of emotion as he spoke.

Kate smiled feeling happy to hear his words. "That's sweet to hear."

"It's the truth." He smiled. "You weren't doubting it, were you?" He asked caressing her cheek loving the vulnerable look on her face. To him she seemed even more beautiful sitting there with him at that moment then she did the last time they were together.

Shaking her head Kate found herself slipping back into his arms wanting nothing more than to forget the outside world and pretend it was just her and Jack and nothing else mattered. Laying her cheek on his chest she closed her eyes and listened to the strong, steady beat that had lulled her to sleep so many times in the past. '_Just a little while'_ she told herself. '_We can just stay like this for a little while longer.' _

Jack, meanwhile, wrapped his arms around Kate and buried his face in her hair, inhaling the fragrance that he loved. He wanted nothing more than to stay there with her like this forever. Feeling her pulling back a little in his embrace he looked down and found Kate's lips suddenly pressing against his in a tentative and gentle kiss. He returned the kiss without hesitation and it soon deepened into a more passionate one.

Kate slowly moved her hands up his chest and shoulders before wrapping her arms around his neck – their tongues enjoying a familiar dance. A few minutes later Jack broke off the kiss and stood up pulling Kate back into his arms and meeting her lips for another passionate kiss, his hands around her waist teasing her as they made their way slowly under her shirt up her back. Moaning softly Kate brought her fingers up to this chest, loosing and pulling at his tie and then attacking the buttons on his shirt all the while continuing to return his kisses. A few moments later with Jack's shirt and tie on the couch Kate started pushing him backwards towards the hallway.

Trailing kisses down her neck Jack finally managed to speak. "Where?" he asked breathlessly.

"Door on the right." Kate exhaled, running her fingers through his short cropped hair loving the feel of his unshaved face on her cheek. Scooping her up in his arms Jack headed to the bedroom everything else forgotten.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: _****_Jack and Kate discuss the future. Carrie and Sawyer? Well, they just have some fun!_**


	11. Ch 11 Just Talking About Tonight

_A/N: Here's the next installment. Sorry it took so long...it seems like every time I sat down to write something else came up including writer's block. Ugh. Anyway, hope you guys like it. As always drop me a review let me know. As for the usual needed disclaimers - I don't own the characters (just borrowing) and I don't own the lyrics to I'm Just Talking About Tonight or the singer of the song Toby Keith_

**Chapter 11 – I'm Just Talking about Tonight**

_**I'm not talking about locking down forever baby **_

**_That would be too demanding _**

**_I'm just talking about two lonely people who might _**

**_Reach a little understanding _**

**_Hey I'm not talking about knocking out heaven _**

**_With whether we're wrong or we're right _**

**_I'm not talking about hooking up and hanging out _**

_**I'm just talking about tonight**_

Carrie walked into Willie Ray's Bar and Grill stopping near the front entrance to scan the crowd. The low lights and neon beer signs mixed with cigarette smoke to give off a hazy view. The place was half filled with customers seated at tables or booths scattered around the room. A few sat on stools at the bar nursing their drinks making conversations with the person next to them. In the corner behind the small dance floor there was a stage with instruments from the band scheduled to play later on that night.

Running a hand through her hair to fluff it out Carrie tugged at the hem of her flowered shirt and smoothed out her short black skirt before walking to the corner where Sawyer and another man were sitting.

"Well, hey there, Red," Sawyer greeted as he put out a cigarette butt in the ash tray, "Thought you might have changed your mind."

"Had to work a little late, sorry." Carrie sat down in the chair between the two men.

"Carrie, this is Lionel, but you can call him 'Slats'," Sawyer motioned to the waitress for another round.

"Slats?" Carrie smiled at the man who extended his hand and shook hers.

"Long story," he told her. "And not worth the punch line." Slats was an older man, Carrie put his age around 50, with dark graying hair pulled into a pony tail. His dark eyes appeared small, almost almond shaped, and his nose large – almost too big for his face – having been broken several times over the years. He looked to be about 250lbs and spoke with a slight accent betraying his east coast origin.

"So, have you guys been here long?" Carrie reached over and took a cigarette from Sawyer's pack ignoring the look he gave her.

"Just about an hour or so." Sawyer slid the lighter over to the young woman already looking forward to the evening in her company.

The waitress arrived with a fresh round of drinks for the table. She placed a bottle of beer in front of each along with a shot of tequila. Carrie felt herself flinch remembering the last time she drank tequila with Sawyer.

"What's wrong, Red?" Sawyer handed her a slice of lime. "Nothing like the hair of the dog that bit 'ya."

"Yeah, well, that dog gave me a pretty good hangover last time." She took a swig of her beer.

"Oh come on." He picked up the shot glass and held it up to her. "What's a little bit of pain when you're having fun?" He teased.

Carrie felt herself being drawn in by Sawyer's playful smile. _'Damn those dimples'_ she thought to herself. _'They're gonna get me in trouble. I just know it.'_

Picking up the salt shaker she sprinkled some on her hand then proceeded to do the shot. The tequila burned going down and Carrie puckered her face as she sucked on the slice of lime. Sawyer chuckled as he and Slats picked up their shot glasses and downed the liquor.

"So, Slats, you work with Sawyer?" Carrie asked sweetly.

"Yup, we're on the same crew." The older man replied.

"Slats, here, does drywall and roofing." Sawyer told her. "Even lost a finger on a roofing job."

Carrie turned from Sawyer to Slats, her face displaying a look of disbelief. "He's kidding, right?"

Slats shook his head and held up his left hand to show the young lady how 2/3 of his ring finger was missing.

"Oh my god," Carrie reached over and lightly touched his wrist. "How did that happen?"

"I was laying down some new roofing paper when I lost my footing and started to slide down. I reached out and tried to grab hold of something and caught my wedding ring on a nail…" he explained.

"Ow, ow." Carrie waved her hand at him to get him to stop his story. She was already visualizing the rest of the accident and didn't need more details. "That's awful."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Hurt like hell, but can't say I really miss it much these days. Got rid of the wife a little while after I got rid of the ring." He joked.

Carrie gave him a small smile as she took another sip of her beer, not sure what to think of the older man.

A few minutes later Slats downed the rest of his beer and announced that it was time for him to leave.

"So, how about that dinner you promised me?" Carrie leaned in towards Sawyer smiling, glad to be alone with him.

"Sure thing." He reached over to the menus on the table against the wall and handed one to the young woman. "The cheese steak sandwich is pretty good."

Carrie took the menu slowly surprised by his comment. She was definitely not expecting to have dinner at the bar. "We're eating here?" she remarked.

"Sure, why not?" Sawyer replied. "We can stick around and do a little more two-stepping.'

Though disappointed that they weren't going to a restaurant Carrie did get excited with Sawyer's promise of more dancing since the last time had been a lot of fun.

"So, "Sawyer started as he squeezed ketchup onto his fries. "How's Freckles? Junior giving her any problems?"

"She's still getting hit with morning sickness and she seems tired all the time, but other than that she's okay." Carrie took a bit of her cheese steak sandwich. "Still trying to get adjusted to the idea of motherhood, I guess."

"Is she still refusin' to tell Doc about the baby?"

"Ah-huh, I tried to talk to her about it some more, but she was pretty adamant and then she just shut down."

"Yeah," Sawyer chuckled, "Freckles can be pretty pig-headed when she wants to."

"So, I'm learning."

"Ah Red, don't worry…her bark is usually worse than her bite." Sawyer gave her a dimpled smile.

"You two seem to get along pretty well." Carrie commented as she tried digging for more information on Sawyer.

"Being stuck on a desert island you get to know a person." He replied

non-chilantly.

"Really? You two ever…?" Carrie's voice trailed off as she tried to get courage to ask the question that had been on her mind since she met the handsome man.

"Ever what, sweetheart?" Sawyer asked playing dumb.

Carrie blushed. "You know, did you and she ever…"

"What? Look for coconuts together?" he teased.

Carrie shot him a look. "Ha ha." She took a swig of her beer. "Did you guys ever get involved?"

"Oh, you mean hot jungle sex?" Sawyer flashed her another dimpled smile as the young woman blushed again. _'Gotta admire Red's spunk for asking'_ he thought. "Freckles and me? Nah, she was too busy chasing after Doctor Kildare, going off on their little adventures."

"So, it was always her and Jack?" Carrie took another bite of her sandwich. _Sawyer was right, these were actually pretty good. _

He nodded. "Pretty much. Hell, even when they were fighting they couldn't stay away from each other." He replied. "I guess some girls just like the heroic type."

Carrie laughed. "So, what's he like? I mean, really like?"

"Jack?"

"Yes Jack," Carrie said exasperatedly. "I mean, I read stories about all you guys after the rescue, but you always wonder if they're really accurate or media hype."

"Jack Shepard is Jack Shepard." Sawyer replied shoving a french fry in his mouth. "Pretty much what they said."

"So he was the leader of the group then?"

"For the most part, I guess the rest thought of him as that anyway."

"You didn't?"

Lighting up a cigarette Sawyer took a long drag. "Sweetheart, for a big part of the time on that rock I thought he was a jackass and he…well, I wasn't his favorite either." He replied truthfully.

"Really, why's that?" Carrie was intrigued.

"Freckles said something about two alpha males in the same pack…" he shook his head. "I just think we didn't like each other."

"And now?"

"We got past it." He stated with a tone in his voice that told Carrie he wasn't in the mood to expand on his answer.

Carrie nodded. "Well, from what the others were saying, he seems like a great guy, always risking his life for others." She saw Sawyer shrug his shoulders. "And very cute too!" she added watching for his reaction.

The Southerner looked up at her and smirked. "I never was one for tall, dark and brooding myself."

"Really? Too bad," Carrie remarked playfully. "I can definitely see what Kate sees in him. I mean all that and a successful doctor to boot."

Sawyer shook his head. _'What was it with women and doctors anyway?'_ he thought to himself. First Freckles and now Carrie was gushing over Jack. He signaled to the waitress for another round of beers. "As much as I just _love_ sitting here singing the praises of the good doctor…" He gestured towards the dance floor where the band was already setting up. "Looks like we're about ready for another lesson."

Carrie smiled as Sawyer as the waitress placed another beer and a shot of tequila in front of her. "Hey, Sawyer." She picked up the shot glass.

"Yeah, Red?"

"If I forget to tell you later on, I'm sorry about stepping on your feet." She licked the salt on her hand and downed the liquor with Sawyer doing the same. A few minutes later the music started up and the couple stepped out onto the floor.

"Okay, Red, keep your eyes focused on me. Don't look at your feet or you'll end up tripping yourself up." Sawyer instructed over the music. He was holding Carrie firmly in his arms, one hand resting on her waist and the other clasping her hand up in the air. "Remember quick, quick, slow." The band was playing a slow song and Carrie was attempting to master the waltz. Heck who was she kidding she was just trying to keep from crossing her feet in front of each other and falling on the dance floor. But Sawyer has a good hold on her and he was expertly guiding her around the floor and Carrie soon found herself following the beat and able to keep her feet going in the right order.

'_Quick, quick, slooow' _She repeated the phase in her head and they continued dancing. _'Quick, quick, slooow…quick, quick…hey, I think I got it.' _She thought to herself as she looked down to her feet. _'_ _Quick…' _Suddenly she felt her foot come into contact with Sawyer's boot and her whole rhythm got thrown off and she felt herself and Sawyer stumble. Looking up at him Carrie couldn't help but giggle. "Sorry."

"I told you not to look down at your feet." He told her grabbing her hand again. "Keep your eye on the cowboy, Red." He whispered in her ear. "Let me lead you."

"Into what?" Carrie giggled. The tequila shots were starting to kick in. "Trouble?"

Sawyer pulled back and smirked. "It's only trouble if you're not having fun."

Carrie stumbled again as the song started to come to an end. "Oh really? I don't know about that."

Sawyer placed a hand on her lower back and started guiding her back to their table. "I think we need a little break, seems we've worked up a thirst."

Carrie nodded as she sat down. "Okay, but no more shots."

"Aw come on Red, one more ain't gonna hurt you." He encouraged her. "They help with the dancing lesson."

"Are you kidding me?" She replied. "How many times have I stepped on your feet so far?"

"Yeah, but that ain't got nothin' to do with the tequila." He threw back his shot and let the liquor burn down his throat before taking the slice of lime between his lips and sucking on it. He watched as Carrie did the same a moment later. He thought back to the first night they went drinking together and how Carrie managed to keep up with him. _'She must have woken up with a hell of a headache judging from mine.'_ He thought admitting that he had over indulged in drinking in hopes of getting past Kate's news.

He spent most the that night silently trying to wrap his mind around the fact that she was expecting Jack's baby, not to mention the fact that she wasn't with Jack. After watching Kate fall for Jack on the island and then start to plan her life with him after the rescue and her legal problems were behind her, he found it unbelievable that not only had she willingly walked away from Jack but now refusing to tell him he was going to be a father. It just didn't make sense.

"Hey, cowboy, how about another lesson?" Carrie's voice broke into his thoughts.

Shaking off those thoughts he looked up at the smiling young woman who was holding out her hand to him. Flashing his dimples he took a quick drink of his beer before taking her hand and leading her back out to the dance floor.

_(Later that evening) _

Carrie's head was swirling a little as she followed Sawyer into the living room of his apartment. Throwing his car keys on a small table he gestured towards the small blue couch. "Have a seat. I'll be right back." He told her before disappearing into another room.

Carrie looked around and noticed how the apartment was plainly furnished. A basic blue couch and a matching fabric chair along with a TV set on a small stand in the corner made up the room. The coffee table in front of the couch had a pile of mail and a couple of paperback books along with a pair of reading glasses sitting next to them. _'Wow, Sawyer wears glasses. How cute.'_ She thought to herself and let out a small giggle. Picking up one of the magazines she started to flip through the pages but found it hard to concentrate on the words – her head spinning from all of the earlier activities.

"Hey Red, "Sawyer came walking back in the room "You thirsty?" he handed her a bottle of beer.

"Oh no, "she waved him off. "I think if I have another I'll fall asleep on you."

Sitting down next to her Sawyer flashed her a smile. "Well, we can't have that now, can we?" he purred taking her hand in his and kissing the tips of each finger causing her to giggle again.

She shook her head. "That would be a bad thing 'cause then what would you do?"

Leaning in Sawyer planted a kiss along her jaw. He heard her moan softly and smiled to himself as he pulled her closer to him. Carrie closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side as he continued kissing and sucking her neck. Reaching her hands up along his shoulders to his head she weaved her fingers through his blonde hair trying to pull him in even closer. His hand made its way down to her waist gently. Caressing her side he could feel Carrie shiver at his touch. Moaning his name she met his lips in a fevered kiss letting his tongue explore her mouth. They continued kissing for another couple of minutes before Sawyer finally broke it off.

"I think we need to get more comfortable darlin' " he stood and pulled her up to him crushing her in another kiss. Carrie snaked her arms around his neck and Sawyers hands reached behind her and his fingers expertly unzipped her skirt and pushed it down her hips. With little thought Carrie stepped out of the skirt and kicked it to the side.

Sawyer brought his lips up to her ear and whispered seductively, "Gotta tell you Red I'm likin' the pink thong."

Carrie blushed. "Well, just wait 'til you see the matching bra." She teased.

Never one to turn away from an interesting offer from a beautiful woman he reached down and in one smooth move pulled her shirt up and over her head throwing in behind him. Standing back a bit he smirked then reached up and hooked a finger on her bra strap. "Lace looks good on you." Swiftly he reached behind and undid the strap and pulled the bra off throwing it next to the shirt. "Looks better on the floor tho' " he joked as he brought his lips back up to hers.

Carrie blushed and pulled back from the kiss. "You're bad." She told him.

"You don't know the half of it." He teased as he pushed her backwards into the bedroom.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Two words - Kate and Jack…… _**


	12. Ch 12 I Can't Unlove You

**A/N:** _I'm sorry about such a long delay. Real life got in the way again. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter – Jaters especially. I have to apologize to all of you who "commented" about the total lack of Jate in the last chapter. Sorry, I'll try not to let that happen again. But I felt what happened in that chapter was an important future element in this story. (Oh and did I mention this is a long term story? Tho' I will be advancing the time frame soon enough). Anyway, let me know how you guys like this chapter._

_As always I don't own Lost or the characters. Plus I don't own the song "I can't unlove you."_

**Chapter 12 – I Can't Unlove You. **

_**I can't unthink about you  
I can't unfeel your touch  
I can't unhear all the words**_

_**Unsay all the things that used to mean so much**_

_**I wish I could unremember everything**_

_**My hearts been through**_

_**I'm finding out its impossible to do**_

_**Oh, it's no use**_

_**I can't unlove you**_

_**In this dance of old songs**_

_**Like time they go on and on**_

_**I guess I could learn to do the same**_

_**I could wake up without you**_

_**These two arms not around you**_

_**Tell myself it's meant to be this way**_

_**No matter how I try**_

_**Some things I can't change.**_

* * *

_Kate poured herself a glass of milk and after taking a long sip she padded softly into the living room. Sitting down on the couch she smoothed out the shirt over her stomach that was already starting to pouch out noticeably. 'Looks like I need some bigger tops' she told herself reach for the remote._

_Suddenly the doorbell rang. Not expecting anyone she got up and looked through the view hole of the door. It was Jack. Her heart skipped a beat. What was he doing here?_

_Unchaining the lock she opened the door and found herself staring at her former boyfriend. "Jack, "she greeted simply feeling a little confused._

"_Hey." He greeted cheerfully, his voice holding a hint of excitement._

"_What are you doing here?" She asked letting the confusion she felt fill her voice. She moved aside to grant him access into the apartment._

"_I'm free." He said as he walked in._

_Kate didn't understand what he was talking about. "What?"_

_He turned and faced her, a big grin on his face. Noticing the confusion etched on her face he nodded slowly as he held up his left hand to show her the wedding band was gone. "I'm free." He repeated as he smiled._

_Kate looked from his face to his hand and then back to his face, her heart beating faster. "You're free?" she whispered. "Really?"_

"_Really, Kate." He came over and took her hands in his. "It's over."_

_Still afraid to believe it she searched his face for answers. "But how? What happened?"_

_Squeezing her hands he smiled again. "Sarah left. She went to England to be with her ex-boyfriend again. She signed the divorce papers before she left for the airport." He explained breathlessly. "It's over, baby. She's got somebody to take care of her and you and I can be together again like we're suppose to be...Just the two of us." He started to pull her into a hug but Kate stopped him with a hand to his chest. _

_She looked up at him with a nervous smile. "Actually, it's the three of us." She said softly._

_Now it was Jack's turn to give her a confused look. "Three of us?"_

_Kate nodded taking his hand and placing it on her expanded stomach. "Three of us." She repeated looking him in the eye to see if he understood. _

_Jack's eyes grew wide as realization sunk in. "You're pregnant?" he exclaimed softly. _

_She nodded and smiled as tears started to from in her eyes. "We're having a baby."_

_Shocked Jack stared at his hand or more specifically at her small bump under his hand. "A baby" he mumbled as he started processing the news. "We're having a baby." Pulling back his hand he looked up at Kate. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

"_Because you and Sarah were already married and…" _

"_That doesn't matter!" Jack snapped. "You should have told me."_

_Kate could hear the hurt and anger in his voice and felt awful. "I know." She said softly. "I just thought that Sarah really needed you." _

"_And you and the baby didn't?" he challenged clearly not understanding why Kate would keep this news from him…Sarah or no Sarah._

_Kate put her hand on her stomach. "No, we need you too." She admitted. "It's just that Sarah needed you more right now." She could feel a tear start to fall and reached up and wiped it away. "We could wait until…until..." she sniffed. "…until Sarah…"_

_Jack shook his head. "No." he replied firmly. "No, you can't wait." Taking her hand in his he looked down and watched his thumb trace circles on her palm. "Nothing is more important tome than you and our baby, Kate, you should know that."_

_Sniffling back her tears Kate nodded. "Okay." She reached over and touched his cheek causing him to look up and make eye contact with her. "I'm sorry." She whispered._

_Jack closed his eyes for a moment enjoying the feel of her fingers on his skin. He was going to be a dad. _

"_So…ahum…are you happy about the baby?" Kate tentative tone broke into his thoughts. "Jack?"_

_Opening his eyes he found himself staring at Kate's concern face. She was worried that this wasn't something he wanted right now. Returning her smile Jack nodded. "Yeah." He said. "I'm happy." He pulled her into his strong embrace and hugged her. He could feel Kate's body melt in the embrace and her arms wrap around his waist trying to pull herself tighter into him. Then a moment later Kate felt herself being lifted up in the air as Jack twirled her around. "We're having a baby!" he exclaimed loudly and happily._

"_Jack!" Kate giggled holding onto the back of his neck as she whirled around. "What are you doing? You're crazy."_

_Placing her back on the ground he kept her in his arms. "Not crazy…" he told her "Just very happy." He leaned down and gave her a kiss. "I've got you back and you're having my baby." He placed his hand back on her tummy caressing it lovingly. "There's nothing more I could ask for right now."_

Kate woke up with a start not sure where she was for a moment before realizing she was laying in her bedroom – in Jack's arms. The previous day's events flashed in her mind…having lunch with Jack, her car breaking down, Jack giving her a ride home and coming in for coffee – the two spending the rest of the evening making love and shutting out the rest of the world.

Checking the clock on the night stand she noticed it was 4:30 a.m. and judging from Jack's steady breathing he was sound asleep. 'He should be tired.' Kate giggled to herself, 'with all the "work" he put in last night.' Snuggling back into his embrace she lightly ran her fingers across the hair on his chest thinking about what had transpired between the two. She knew it probably shouldn't have gone as far as it did but at that time Kate hadn't cared. She only cared that she had missed Jack terribly and she had wanted to be with him…if only for one night. And it had been one heavenly night, she thought to herself. Jack had wanted it as much as Kate did. It had been wonderful being back together kissing, touching and exploring each other again. And after, laying in each other's arms fingers intertwined neither really saying anything instead just relishing their time together.

Yawning, she thought about her dream about Jack finding out about the baby and Sarah leaving. He had seemed so happy to find out she was pregnant. To Kate the dream had felt so real especially when he had laid his hand on her stomach caressing the life that laid safely inside. Sighing, she gently pulled herself out of his embrace and slipped out of bed trying to make sure she didn't disturb him. Putting on her rob she walked over to the chair by her window and sat down pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. The moonlight came in through the window softly illuminating the room in an almost warm wash of light.

Kate took a deep breath. As much as she enjoyed her dream it wasn't real. Sarah wasn't gone and she hadn't signed off on a divorce. She was still legally Jack's wife and from what he had told her earlier that day Sarah was receiving a new experimental treatment. Kate wanted to share the baby news with him more than anyone could know, but she told herself the time wasn't right. If Sarah continued to get sicker and Jack left her to be with Kate and the baby she would feel guilty. Kate looked over at Jack sleeping peacefully. He had managed to kick off the covers on one of his legs and had an arm draped over his head. She smiled thinking how sexy he managed to look to her even in his sleep. Gone was the eternal weary look he had worn on the island. Since returning to civilization Kate had made it her mission to make sure Jack had enough sleep and ate enough. He had teased her about "nagging" but in reality he had come to enjoy her fussing. It had felt good, he confessed once, to have someone taking care of the doctor.

As she watched his chest rise and fall in a slow, steady rhythm Kate wondered if Sarah was wondering where Jack was or did she just figure he was stuck at the hospital. His cell phone hadn't rung but Kate had a suspicion that he had turned it off earlier – at least the ringer. Smiling she hugged her legs tighter_. 'I know it's selfish, but I just wanted another uninterrupted night with him' _Kate reasoned with herself. _'In the morning, I'll let him go again.'_ She rested her chin on top of her knees wrestling with the small twinge of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

"Hey." His soft voice filled the room and Kate realized he was awake.

"Hey, you're awake." She commented.

"Ah huh." He nodded slightly as he watched her curled up sitting in the chair, the moonlight casting a light glow that seemed to illuminate and soften her features. Jack took in a breathe thinking how beautiful she looked. "Something wrong?" he finally asked.

Kate shook her head slowly, the ponytail on top of her head swishing from one side to the other.

"So, then why are you sitting way over there in that chair instead of being here in bed with me?" he pushed himself up to sit up in the bed.

Dropping her feet to the floor Kate gripped the sides of the chair and shrugged her shoulders. "I woke up and I couldn't get back to sleep. I got out of bed 'cause I didn't want to wake you." She smiled. "You looked so peaceful."

Chuckling, Jack patted the spot next to him. "Come back to bed." He told her, his voice low and seductive.

Pushing herself off the chair she softly padded her way back to the bed. Dropping her robe she slide under the covers and laid against him draping her arm around his chest.

"Much better." Jack mumbled placing a kiss on her temple and enjoying the warmth of her body against his again.

Kate sighed contently and snuggled closer. "Yeah, much better." She agreed.

"So, what was keeping you up?" he asked softly. "Bad dream?"

Remembering her dream she shook her head. "Actually, it was a good dream." She purred.

Jack looked down at her slightly. "Oh yeah? What about?"

Drawing her eyes up to meet his, she smiled. "You and me…about being together in the future." She said.

Jack returned her smile. "Oh yeah? That sounds nice. So, were we married with kids?" he teased.

Kate was taken aback for a moment by his comment then giggled. "Not that far ahead. I just dreamed that you came to my apartment and told me that Sarah had signed divorced papers and left to England to marry her old boyfriend." She explained purposely leaving out the part about her revealing her pregnancy to Jack in the dream.

"Oh really?" Jack replied softly running his hand up and down Kate's arm. "That would be nice." He commented. "Listen Kate, this arrangement with Sarah…"

Kate, guessing what he was going to say, reached up and placed her fingers over his life to silence him. "It has to continue." She told him. "You need to take care of her."

"I can do that without giving you up." Jack pulled her fingers away, but kept a hold of her hand intertwining their fingers together.

"Jack, we already went through this." She sighed, the good feeling from her dream vanishing. She pulled herself out of his embrace and sat up in bed pulling her knees to her chest. "I thought you agreed."

"I married her, didn't I?" Jack snapped back.

"I'm aware you did!." Kate replied hotly her heart feeling a stab of pain at the memory of the silver band on his left hand.

"Good, because it was your idea after all." He reminded her.

Feeling her face getting flushed and tears threatening to spill Kate turned and looked at him. "I know it was my idea! And you know why I asked you to do this!" She spit out. "I don't need you to remind me. I remember every time I wake up alone! I remember every time I come home here instead of the house! And I remembered when I wanted to tell you about…" She stopped herself.

Jack looked at her curious over what she was about to say. "When you wanted to tell me about what?" he asked his voice a bit softened.

Kate took a deep breath to try and get her emotions back in check. _'Stupid hormones'_ she thought to herself as she tried to figure out how to answer.

"Kate, what did you want to tell me about?" Jack asked again reaching up and pushing her hair off her shoulder.

"Nothing that important." She breathed deeply. "It was just that I got a commendation at work the other day and…"

"Really? That's great sweetie." He placed a kissed on her bare shoulder, now feeling bad that he had taken out his frustrations about Sarah on her a few minutes before. "What for?"

"It wasn't that big of a deal. They just liked the way I set up a display…they said it helped increase sales."

Jack sat up a little and looked at Kate. "That is a big deal. "He told her seriously. "You obviously did a good job and you got recognized. You should be proud of that and want to share it."

She gave him a small smile and reached over and gently touched his cheek. "Thank you." She whispered.

Returning her smile he leaned in and gave her a light kiss. "You're welcome." He locked gazes with her and he could see her love for him showing in her eyes. It seemed to intensify the green of her eyes. Jack felt a warmth wash over him knowing that never in his life had he known a woman who had such intense feelings for him – not even Sarah. He couldn't remember Sarah looking at him on their wedding day the way Kate was looking at him now. And it made his resolve to be with her even stronger.

Reaching over he cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb gently against her smooth skin. "I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier – it was stupid" he said in a hushed tone.

"That's okay." She settled back down against him as Jack slid back under the covers. "I know you're frustrated about all this. I am too."

"Maybe," He placed another gentle kiss on her temple. "But I shouldn't take it out on you."

Kate reached over and took his hand in hers clasping their fingers together. "How about we just forget about that and…"She trailed off, her voice taking a teasing tone, which Jack picked up right away.

"And?" he turned and looked over at her, his eyes dancing.

Kate's face broke out into a grin. "And…you think of something to make it up to me." She teased.

Jack turned on his side placing a hand on her waist, his fingers lightly gliding on the soft material of her night shirt. "Really? Like what?"

"Oh…"Kate's lone finger ran across the scruff of his cheek. "You're a smart guy, I'm sure you can think of something."

Jack grinned enjoying her decision to change the tone of their conversation. "Oh yeah?" he bent over and placed a kiss on her neck. "Wanna play doctor?"

Kate giggled at the cheesy line snaking her arms around his neck. "Well, I do feel a little feverish."

"Really?" Jack continued to place small feather kisses along her jaw until he reached her lips. Pulling back slightly he gazed into her emerald eyes. "Sounds like I may need to do a physical – make sure you're not coming down with anything." He told her.

Kate giggled harder. "I think that's a good idea, Dr. Shepard." She said as he reached down to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. "Just to make sure."

"I can't find it, Jack." Kate told the young man sometime later that morning. The couple was in the living room of Kate's apartment…Jack clad in his clothes from the day before with his shoes in his hand and his dress shirt unbuttoned. Kate meanwhile was barefoot in an oversize T-shirt.

"Do you remember where you put it?" She asked looking behind the television stand.

"I was a little pre-occupied at the time. "Jack replied. "And if you remember Kate, you're the one that took it off, not me."

Kate giggled and walked over to the couch and started to look under the cushions. "I know I couldn't help myself." She confessed.

Dropping his shoes, Jack grabbed Kate by her waist and pulled her to him.

"Jack!" She swatted weakly at his arms not really making any further effort to get out of his embrace.

"Sorry, "He buried his face in her hair. "I couldn't help myself." He kissed her neck. "Hummm…"

Kate stopped for a moment enjoying the tingling that ran through her body from his soft lips. She ran her hands up his well toned arms and shoulders bringing them to rest on the sides of his face. Pulling his face away from her she looked at him. "We should keep looking, Jack."

Nodding, he dropped his arms from around her and went towards the dining table. Kate bent down and put her hand under the couch and felt around underneath.

"It's got to be here." She reasoned. "It couldn't just disappear like that."

Jack shook his head coming back into the living room. "I give up." He announced.

Kate jumped up "Maybe, it's in the bedroom. I'll look again." She disappeared down the hall while Jack sat down on the couch to put his shoes on.

She remerged a couple of minutes later having slipped into an emerald green silk robe. Jack smiled recognizing it as one he had given to her. "It's not in there either." She said in a lowered voice.

"Kate, it's not that big of a deal." He told her. "It's just a tie."

"I know." She sat down on the arm rest of the couch next to him. "But it's here somewhere."

Jack laughed. "And you'll find it and give it to me later." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "Really, like I said, 'no big deal.'"

Kate gave him a small smile. "I guess you should get going huh?" she said, her tone showing a touch of disappointment.

"Yeah, I've got a meeting later this morning." He finished strapping on his wrist watch.

"Okay." Kate said softly as she stood. She really wasn't ready for him to leave just yet.

As Jack reluctantly stood up a familiar and wonderful aroma hit him. _'Coffee'_ He looked over at Kate with a smirk. "Is that coffee I smell?"

Kate chuckled softly. "Carrie has the coffee pot programmed. She's as bad a coffee freak as you are."

"Hey, I'm not that bad". He defended himself.

"Ah-huh, tell that to someone who didn't see your addiction first hand." She teased.

"Hey!" A horsed voice behind them caught the couple's attention. They turned and found Carrie standing at the doorway to her bedroom looking sleepy and holding Jack's tie in her hand.

"You by chance belong to this?" She asked Jack.

Kate gasped and looked at Jack before turning back to Carrie. "You found it!" She exclaimed, "Where was it?" She walked over and took it out of Carrie's hand.

"In my bedroom" Carried replied glancing behind Kate to get another look at Jack. '_He definitely looks even hotter in person'_ she thought to herself.

"How did it end up in your bedroom?" Kate asked suspiciously.

The redhead shrugged her shoulders as stretched her arms. "I got home pretty late and my brain was a little fuzzy. I was trying not to make any noise and I think it got caught on my heel and I dragged it into my room." Carrie explained now looking directly at Jack expectantly.

Kate caught her look. "Jack, this is Carrie. Carrie…Jack." She made the brief introductions.

"Hi" Jack waved his hand that was holding the tie. "And thanks"

"You're welcome. And nice to finally meet you." Carrie smiled, then started to walked towards the kitchen. "How about a cup of coffee, Jack?" she offered.

Jack let out a small sigh and smiled. "That would be great."

"I thought you had a meeting." Kate reminded him.

Looked over at her Jack impulsively planted a light kiss on her forehead. "I do later on. Besides, I always have time for a cup of coffee." He joked.

"And you're trying to tell me you're not addicted." Kate gently pushed him back down on the couch. "Wait here; I'll bring you a cup." She didn't want Jack and Carrie talking until she spoke to Carrie first.

"So…"Carrie greeted her room mate in the kitchen. "What's all _this _about?"

"Carrie…"

"I mean, you tell me you two have broken up and he's gotten remarried and then I wake up and find him half-dressed in our living room, which, by the way, is not a bad sight first thing in the morning." Carrie commented.

"Carrie!" Kate scolded.

"What? I'm just saying…"

"Yeah, I know what you're just saying."

"So?"

"Well, just don't expect to get use to it." Kate poured out two mugs of coffee.

"Too bad." Carrie took a sip of her coffee. "But Kate you haven't answered my question. What's going on?"

"I ran into him at the hospital after my appointment. He invited me to lunch and well, when we got back my car wouldn't start so he gave me a ride home." Kate explained briefly mixing creamer into her coffee. "I invited him in for some coffee."

"And he stayed for breakfast?" Carrie surmised.

Kate blushed. "I hadn't planned for that to happen. It's just…we were sitting talking and laughing and it was just…it was like before. And it felt right to be with him again and one thing led to another."

Carrie nodded her head. "I've been there." She replied flashing back to the previous night with Sawyer. "But Kate what does this mean?"

"I don't know." Kate replied honestly. She had thought that far out.

"Did you tell him about the baby?"

Kate felt her body tense up. "No." she replied firmly as she picked up the two mugs. "So, don't say a word." She warned as she back out into the living room. Handing Jack one of the mugs she sat back down on the arm of the couch.

"Mmmm…thanks." Jack took a sip savoring the warm liquid.

Taking a sip from her own mug Kate reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. "Feeling better?" she joked.

Jack smiled. "I was already better." He replied warmly.

Kate gave him a quick smile before looking away for a moment. She took a sip of her coffee and remained silent enjoying Jack's company. It was a comfort she missed – especially first thing in the morning. Seeing him in the morning even if it was briefly before his early shifts always centered Kate, made her feel ready to face day. Getting to talk to him, exchanging a kiss, reaffirmed to Kate that he was there for her for whatever she needed or wanted. Now that it was gone, it felt like there was a piece of Kate's soul missing.

Jack stood up drawing Kate out of her thoughts. "Walk me out?" he asked sweetly. Nodding she put her mug down and walked with him outside.

"Look, if you need anything with your car let me know." Jack told her.

Kate laughed. "I'll be fine. Besides, you already gave the mechanic your card and instructions, remember?"

They stood on the driver's side of Jack's jeep for a moment. Taking one last drink of coffee he handed Kate back the mug. "Thanks for the coffee." He smiled.

"Sure." She replied softly locking her gaze on him.

"I love you." He said suddenly and with emotion.

Kate nodded slowly. "I know." She whispered. "I love you too."

They stood there for another moment their eyes saying to each other what they couldn't say out loud.

"I'll call you later." He finally said.

"Okay." She replied already craving the promise of future contact despite knowing inside it couldn't last.

Bending down Jack touched his lips to hers and kissed her softly and sweetly. Smiling Kate returned the kiss before finally breaking contact. "You better go."

Watching him get into his jeep Kate suddenly got an idea. "Jack." She called out. "Ahum…what are you doing Friday night?"

"This Friday night?"

Kate nodded biting her bottom lip. "Ah huh."

"Nothing planned." He shrugged his shoulders. "Why?"

Blushing she looked down. "Well…ahum..." _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, she thought. _She looked back up at him his smile giving her courage. "When the store gave me that commendation they also gave me a gift certificate for dinner at this Italian restaurant. I thought maybe you'd…ahum…want to go with me?" Her voice sounded nervous and unsure.

Jack chuckled at Kate's apparent nervousness at asking him to dinner. The blush on her face caused her freckles on her nose to look more prominent. Time to bail her out. "I'd love to. How about I pick you up about seven?" he offered.

Kate broke out into a toothy grin. "Okay. Seven sounds fine."

Jack started up the engine. "And I'll still give you a call later." He winked before pulling out of her driveway.

Kate watched him drive away all the while having an inner debate about whether or not what she just did was going to cause more heartache in the end. Taking a deep breathe and rolling her shoulder backwards she turned and went back into inside.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: _****_The aftermath of Jack and Kate's date. And Jack and Sarah have a talk. _**


	13. Ch 13 Goodbye For Now

**A/N:** **_Okay. Here is the next installment – the title seems to say it all. I apologize for the delay. I had a bit of writer's block with the middle of this piece and life just kept interrupting. But here it is hope you guys like it. And as always let me know what you think – I love love love reviews._**

**_Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or it's characters. Don't own Barbra Streisand or the song Goodbye for Now._**

**Chapter 13 – Goodbye For Now**

_Yes I know, goodbye for now,  
How long? A year, a day?  
Yes I love you, yes you're with me,  
Here now, next to me, and worlds away!  
See I free you, and I'll see you when I see you,  
fine, OK?  
_

_Goodbye for now, again  
Goodbye until whenever then  
We're free, that's what we said we'd be,  
At leave to come an' go, you as well as I,  
Somehow each 'hello' makes it worth 'goodbye'  
For now_

"Right this way." the Hostess led Jack and Kate through the front of the restaurant, Cucina Tagliani, to their table. As the threaded their way through the occupied tables Kate felt Jack's hand on the small of her back – something she remembered he did whenever they were in a crowd. Not only to guide her but a gesture meant to keep contact between the two. Kate always found it comforting unless Jack was feeling mischievous and would let his fingers wander slightly to the side of her waist – one of her ticklish points.

Jack smiled as he leaned into Kate "Did I tell you, you look good tonight?" he whispered. Kate blushed and turned slightly towards him "Thank you." She mouthed. Truth be told she had changed at least 10 times before settling on a pair of black Capri dress pants, a pair of strappy black sandals and a loose, blue flowery top that did well to camouflage her slight bump. She had pulled her hair up into a curly ponytail and topped off the look with gold dangle earrings.

As they got to their table Kate smiled as she took another look at Jack. He did look handsome in a casual pair of dark grey pants and a maroon long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Kate held back a giggle as she noticed the hostess sneak an admiring glance at Jack.

The Hostess smiled as she watched Jack pull the chair out for Kate before sitting down himself. _'Nice to know chivalry is not totally dead'_ she thought as she placed the menus in front of the couple. "Your waiter, Andy, will be with you shortly. Can I get you something to drink?"

Kate nodded as she looked over the menu. "Iced Tea, please."

The Hostess turned to Jack expectantly and he ordered a glass of red wine.

"I think I'm going to skip the wine tonight." Kate bit her bottom lip slightly.

"Oh? Aren't you the one that told me that an Italian meal isn't complete with the wine?" he teased.

"I know, but I guess I'm just not in the mood tonight." She replied.

Jack shrugged his shoulders but opened his menu without further comment. The drinks were delivered and Kate took the time to look around the restaurant. The ambiance was lively and cheerful as low Italian music played in the background not interfering with the light chatter from the patrons. The tables were placed far enough from one another to give diners a sense of privacy but close enough to give the place an overall feeling of coziness, Kate thought. From the looks of the décor the owners were trying to make the restaurant look like it was sitting in the middle of a garden courtyard. The doorways from the kitchen and the lobby and the entrance to the patio were shaped by archways. Vines ran along the tap of the archways and down along slats of lattice affixed to the corners of the rose colored stucco walls. Stencils outlined the tops and bottoms of the walls and ran throughout the eatery. Pots of plants and bright flowers were lined up in various areas of the room and in the middle was a small water fountain gurgling softly.

"This place is pretty nice, huh?" Kate commented.

"Yeah, I like it." Jack replied. "Thanks for inviting me along."

"Your welcome." She replied softly. "Thanks for coming along." They stared at each other for a moment lost in their gazes before Kate finally broke away. "Look Jack," she said pointed up to the ceiling. "They painted the ceiling to look like the sky."

"And if you come for lunch ma'am you'll notice the sky looks lighter – like daylight." A man interrupted.

The couple turned to the intruder who smiled. "I'm Andy, your waiter." He introduced himself warmly. "How are you two doing this evening?"

"Fine." They replied in unison causing Andy to chuckle.

"So, the sky really changes?" Kate was intrigued by the idea.

"Sure. The lighting is designed to make it look like either day or night – whichever we want. We can even make it look overcast." Andy explained. "But then, who wants rain in Southern California, huh?" Kate smiled at the young man's somewhat lame joke. "So you folks ready to order?" He pulled out his order pad. "Our special tonight is our stone oven baked lasagna."

"Ooh, "Kate cooed. " That sounds good. I'll have that."

"And for you, sir?" Andy addressed Jack.

"I'll have the Pesto Chicken." He decided.

"Excellent choice, we make our pesto here fresh in the restaurant. I'm sure you'll like it." Andy replied taking the menu from Jack. "Can I start you off with some appetizers?"

"Yes," Kate spoke up quickly. "An order of the Portobello Mushrooms…oh…and some bread sticks."

Andy smiled again. "Got it. I'll be back in a bit with the bread sticks."

"You're not going to attack them like you did the ones at lunch, are you?" Jack joked after the waiter left.

Kate looked over at Jack and stuck her tongue out. "I was hungry, okay?" she said in her best indignant voice. "And they were warm and buttery. I couldn't resist."

"Well, leave me at least one, okay?" Jack flashed a flirtatious smile that sent a shiver thru Kate. She loved that smile. It made him seem so much more playful and cute than the Jack the other were use to on the island.

"So how is Sarah doing?" Kate tentatively asked as the breadsticks were delivered, knowing she was probably breaking the flirty mood.

Jack was caught by surprise by her question. He didn't think that Sarah was a topic that Kate wanted to brooch. "She's doing okay…this week." He took a sip of wine. "She started up with an experimental treatment her doctor recommended."

"Really?" Kate asked with interest. "You mean, like a cure?"

"No, not a cure. Her cancer is advanced past the curable stage." He frowned. "It's more trying to treat the caner with hopes of shrinking the tumors, keeping the cancerous cells from spreading as fast. It won't cure her – it's more a quality of life deal."

"Oh," Kate couldn't hide her disappointment over hearing it wasn't a cure. "So, how is she handling it…emotionally, I mean?"

Jack sighed thinking about how Sarah was trying in vain to keep up her cheery atmosphere only to fail miserably recently when she was getting sick to her stomach. "She has her days. I think this new treatment is good for her. It gives her something positive to try and focus on. It makes her feel like she's doing something proactive – that she's fighting."

"That's good," Kate replied softly. "Having your support probably helps too."

Jack suddenly felt a black cloud of negative emotion come over their table. One minute he and Kate were joking and flirting and the next she looked like she was on the verge of tears. He needed to get the conversation off this topic and back on track before their evening out was ruined.

"Hey," He said reaching over and handing Kate a breadstick. "How about we change the subject?" He gave her a small smile. "Something a little less heavy handed."

Taking the breadstick from him Kate took a bite and nodded. "What'd you want to talk about?"

They spent the rest of the meal in light, frivolous conversation about friends, recent news events and even exchanged their opinions about how Michael's recent announcement that he was writing a book about their experiences on the island and was hoping to start a big book tour in all the major cities. Jack could tell that while Kate's cheerfulness seemed to come back somewhat she still seemed to be a little preoccupied throughout much of the meal. It was almost as if she was wrestling with her thoughts at times and feeling Jack's gaze on her he could almost see her shift those thoughts to the back of her mind and focus on the topic at hand. He wanted to know what it was that was bothering her hoping that he could help her work it out. But he knew that Kate would share her thoughts with him when she was ready and not before.

Hoping to get a little more alone time with her Jack suggested they take their dessert to go and drive back to Kate's apartment. Kate quickly agreed feeling a bit tired at that point of the evening.

"So, where's Carrie tonight?" Jack asked as he followed Kate into the quiet apartment.

"I'm not sure." Kate continued into the kitchen. "I think she had a date."

As she spoke she pulled out two plates and set a slice of cheesecake on each. "She's not one to stay home much on the weekends."

The two sat and quietly enjoyed their dessert. It was a comfortable silence that they use to share on the island while sitting out on the shore watching the waves. Jack had learned that at times words weren't needed between the two to understand each other.

Retiring to the couch Jack gave Kate a long look. "You okay?" he asked concerned. "You look a little tired."

Kate looked over at Jack noticing the warmth in his eyes that always seemed to be there whenever he looked at her. She found herself letting that warmth envelope her as she nodded. "Just a little."

"Turn around," Jack instructed motioning with his hand.

"What? Why?" she asked confused.

"Just turn around." Jack repeated chuckling. "Trust me, you'll like this." He added as he moved up on the couch to sit behind her. Pushing her hair to the side he placed his hands on her neck and gently started kneading her shoulders.

Kate tensed up for a moment in surprise before relaxing back into his familiar touch. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. His fingers moved across her tight muscles gently digging in and causing them to start to loosen. Kate felt her mind start to clear; the thoughts that had plagued her off and on briefly earlier in the evening fading. She felt herself sink deeper into the relaxation as Jack's hands started moving down her shoulder blades, his thumbs rubbing in circles, his fingers pushing and pulling causing light shivers down her spine. She let out a soft moan in satisfaction.

Jack smiled. He leaned in and spoke softly in her ear. "Feeling better?"

"Hummm" Kate purred as his hands continued their gentle assault on her tired muscles.

"Take another deep breath and let it out slowly while you count to five." He instructed, his warm breath leaving goosebumps on her skin.

"Aaahh" Kate sighed. "You give the best massages."

"So I've been told." Jack replied smiling as his fingers dug into her shoulder blades working on a knot underneath her left side.

"Oh really?" she opened her eyes alerted by his comment. "By whom?"

Jack let out a chuckle at the slight tone of jealousy building in her voice. "By you every time I give you one." He reminded her.

"Oh" Kate smiled and leaned back on his hands again.

"And by the O.R. nurse who's shoulders I rubbed yesterday after surgery." He teased.

Turning her head slightly to meet his glance Kate shot him a look. "Very funny, maybe you should have had her take you to dinner." She suggested.

"Except she didn't have a gift certificate." Jack pointed out enjoying the teasing.

Kate smirked as she sat up again. "Well, I'm sure for the 'sexy surgeon' she would gladly pay the bill."

Jack groaned at the Oprah reference. He thought Kate had forgotten about it by now. "Just for that, missy, you can forget about the rest of your massage."

Kate's eyes grew wide at the idea of a premature end to the wonderful massage. She looked up at Jack again and gave him her best puppy-eyed look. "I'm sorry," she said quickly, sounding like a child that had been scolded. "I was joking. Please don't stop. I won't bring it up again…ever."

"You promise?" he feigned a hurt tone in his voice.

"I promise." She vowed then turned around again and leaned back slightly waiting for his hands to touch her again. Jack didn't move for a few seconds as if he was still contemplating. "Pleeease?" she added.

Breaking into a smile she couldn't see he scooted back a bit on the couch before gently pushing Kate's upper body forward. "Lean forward." He instructed, his hands once again kneading her tired muscles. Kate gave another sigh of contentment and closed her eyes – 10 minutes later she was fast asleep.

_Kate found herself in a long stark white corridor, the walls bare and sanitized lined by wooden doors. There was no movement and very little noise surrounding her. Looking around Kate wasn't sure where to go, so she started walking forward down the hall, her footsteps echoing softly and in the distance she could hear a faint, steady beeping noise but couldn't tell what it was._

_As she came around the corner she ran into an older woman in a nurse's uniform sitting at a desk. Behind her a sign on the wall read 'Mercy Hospital'._

_Upon seeing Kate the nurse smiled warmly. "Good Morning, Ms. Austen. You can go right in, she's waiting for you."_

"_Who's waiting for me?" Kate asked totally confused._

_The woman nodded, her smile never leaving her face. Kate wondered briefly if her cheeks ached. "She's waiting for you." She repeated and pointed behind Kate._

"_Who?" Kate asked again. But the nurse turned away and picked up her phone and proceed to make a call – ignoring Kate in the process._

_Still confused Kate turned around to where the nurse had pointed and saw a closed door similar to the others she had passed earlier. Tentatively, she reached up and pushed the door open and found herself in a hospital room. The lights were dimmed and she could see a single bed against the far wall, machines situated around humming. Taking a couple of steps in she could see the outline of a person in the bed the upper body blocked from Kate's view by a monitor._

"_Hello?" She called out softly wondering who the "she" was the nurse was referring to. "Hello?" she tried again and again was met with silence. She continued to walk up to the bed and was shocked to see her mother, Diane, laying in the bed hooked up to the machines. She looked the same as the last time Kate saw her in the hospital – her complexion shallow and pale._

"_Mom?" Kate gasped bringing her hand up to her mouth._

_The sound woke Diane who opened her eyes and gave a small smile when she saw her daughter's face. "Katherine, you're here." She said, her voice low and full of weariness._

_Kate felt tears come to her eyes. "Mom." She choked out. "But I thought…I mean they told me…" Her throat tightened and she found the tears spill out._

"_Where have you been Katherine?" Diane asked, her eyes showing sadness and disappointment in her only daughter. "I've been waiting for you and you didn't come."_

_Kate wiped away the tears from under her eyes. "I wanted to come, mom. I did, but…I couldn't right away. I didn't know you were sick."_

_Diane turned away from Kate for a moment and took a deep breath. As she slowly turned back Kate reached out and took her mother's hand in hers. "I'm sorry." She whispered._

_Diane's eyes soften as she looked at her daughter's tear stained face. She reached up and gently caressed Kate's cheek. "Why did you do it?" she asked._

_Kate looked up at her mother confused by her question. "Do what?" she asked, hoping her mother wasn't referring to her crime._

"_Why did you take him away from me?" Diane withdrew her hand "I needed him Katherine and you took Wayne away from me." She said her voice laced with an accusatory tone._

_Kate felt like a knife had been stabbed in her heart. "Mom, I didn't…I just wanted you to be safe." She cried, "I didn't do it."_

"_You left me alone Katherine." Diane replied turning her head away._

_Kate shakily brought her hand up to her mouth and tried to wipe the tears that had fallen down to her lips. "I-I…d-didn't…"_

"_I died alone, Katherine." Diane continued, her voice sounding hollow and void of emotion for a moment. "I needed someone to take care of me…"_

"_I-I wanted to, mom!" Kate yelled. "I came to see you, remember?" she cried leaving out the painful memory of Diane calling out for help._

"_You took him away." Diane repeated. Kate closed her eyes as her mother repeated that sentence again and again. Suddenly Diane's voice changed and Kate heard another woman's voice say 'You took him away'._

_Looking up she saw Diane's face had morphed into Sarah's – the young woman now laid in the hospital bed her complexion pale, her blue eyes dulled by the pain. "Sarah?" Kate whispered. The woman turned and looked at her._

"_I'm dying Kate and I need him. You took him away when I need him. I need Jack." She said._

_Kate shook her head. "No!" she denied venomously. "He married you. He's taking care of you."_

"_Don't you see?" Sarah countered tears forming in her eyes. "You're taking him away. He's with you and you're taking him away." She cried. "I need him and he's with you."_

_Kate felt a new flood of tears come up and start to spill out. "I need him too." She choked out softly. "I'm pregnant and his baby needs him."_

_Sarah's eyes showed a flash of anger. "You're not comparing your situation to mine, are you?" she spit out. "I'm dying Kate!"_

"_I know. I'm not." Kate shook her head. "It's just that…"_

"_Are you going to let me die alone like you let your mother die alone?" Sarah angrily asked. "Are you that selfish?"_

_Kate started sobbing harder, a wave of guilt washed over her. "No!" she protested. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"_

"_Don't take him away." Sarah told her simply. "Don't take him from me when I need him."_

Kate woke up with a jolt; her heart racing. Sitting up she saw that she was in her bedroom, the light from the muted television casting a warm glow in the room. Looking to her left she saw Jack lying on top of the bed covers asleep.

Taking a couple of deep breaths she felt her heart rate start to slow down. She couldn't believe the dream she had just had…first her mother and then Sarah blaming her. _But weren't they right?_ Kate asked herself. She did have a hand in her mother being left to face her illness alone. Diane should have been able to count on her daughter to be there talking to the doctors, holding her hand, helping her make the necessary decisions. But instead Kate had left and Wayne had been taken too, though Kate doubted that he would have been the hand holding, sitting up through the night kind of comfort that Diane could have used.

Choking back a tear Kate rolled out of bed. Her actions woke Jack who turned quickly in her direction and smiled. "Hey, sleepyhead." He greeted warmly.

Kate swallowed hard as she walked around the foot of the bed. The image of Sarah flashed in front of her briefly. _'Don't take Jack away. I need him.' _Her haunting words echoed in Kate's head.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Jack slid out of bed and stood in front of her placing his hands gently on her arms.

Kate looked up at his warm and caring dark eyes and felt her heart break just a little. She knew what she had to say but couldn't do it face to face so she gently pulled herself out of his embrace and walked over to the window – her back to Jack.

"Kate?" Jack was confused. He could tell by the look on her face something was wrong and knew it had to be what seemed to be preoccupying her part of their evening earlier.

She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself. "We can't keep doing this." She stated.

"Doing what?" Jack took a step towards her.

"This." She replied. "We can't keep doing this. It's not right."

Jack shook his head. "Kate, what are you talking about? What's not right?"

She turned slowly and faced him making sure to keep herself at a distance, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't know what I was thinking…but we can't do this Jack. We can't go on seeing each other…even for a little while."

Jack took a deep breath shaking his head. "Yes, we can, Kate. We love each other." He argued.

She took a deep breath again and wrapped her arms around herself even tighter. "That's not the point…"

"That is the point!" Jack interrupted. "I love you and I want to be with you."

"But you need to be with her. Sarah needs you." Kate could feel the hot tears start to spill out. She angrily wiped at them. "You need to go."

Jack looked at her shock registering on his face. "What?" He couldn't believe she was doing this again.

"You heard me." She spit out trying to get herself angry because she knew that was the only way she was going to get through this. Anger would be her courage. "You need to leave."

"Kate, where is this coming from?" Jack took a step towards her and tried to reach out and touch her. She stepped away from him. "Don't…"

Backing herself into a corner she shook her head. "Look, I'm sorry I did this. I shouldn't have invited you to dinner. It was wrong and we both know it. You made a commit to her and you need to honor it."

"I am honoring it." Jack replied hotly. "I've been there to help Sarah…"

"But you're not there tonight, are you?" She argued. "You weren't there the other night either, were you?"

"Kate…"

"You're married to her!" Kate shot back.

"As you continually point out!" He spit out. She was making no sense and he was getting tired of this game. One minute they're flirting and enjoying each other's company just like before Sarah came back into his life and now she's standing in the corner looking like a caged animal pacing back and forth.

Kate took a deep breath and wiped at her eyes again. "You're married." She repeated, this time a little more softly the hurt coming through in her tone. "You need to go and be with you wife."

Jack let out a chuckled. "This is a business arrangement, Kate. You and I know that and Sarah knows that."

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but it's still a marriage. And I'm betting that outside of a couple of close friends, your co-workers don't know about the arrangement, people Sarah knows don't think it's just for insurance reasons. They think you two are married and how would it look if your bosses at the hospital thought you had a mistress."

Jack couldn't believe she was referring to herself like that. "I don't give a damn what they think!"

"Well then you should." She retorted.

"Really? Well if I did, then I would have to think what they must wonder about me coming back involved with you only to turn around and suddenly re-marry my ex-wife?" He pointed out. "You don't think they wonder what the hell is going on there?"

"Please Jack, we talked about this before. You agreed with me…"

"I agreed to appease you because you practically threatened to leave me if I didn't marry Sarah." He countered, getting more angry with the pretty brunette.

"Or don't you remember that part?"

Kate took a deep breath and nodded her head. "Please Jack, you need to leave. We can't do this. We can't see each other."

"Why?" Jack asked pointedly. He couldn't see why he couldn't spend time with Kate and still be there to support Sarah.

"Because it's too hard on me!" Kate cried. "I can't be with you only to send you back to her. It's hurts too much."

"Then don't send me back." He took another step towards her and was surprised when she didn't move away. "Let me stay."

Kate closed her eyes as she felt her hands come up on her arms again. She wanted nothing more than to let him pull her back into his arms and back into bed and let the feelings of love and security wash over them both. But images from her dream came back and she knew she had to let him go…if only for her sanity.

"I can't." She said softly. "You need to leave…please." She was practically begging.

Jack took a deep breath feeling the pain in his heart get stronger. _This wasn't fair_, he thought to himself. Kate wasn't playing fair – she was using his love for her to push him away. "So, that's it? We don't see each other until…" Somehow he couldn't get himself to say the words _'Sarah's dead'_ , it sounded too morbid to be waiting for a tragedy to happened to be happy again.

Kate nodded but remained silent. The same thought going through her mind. "It's easier that way." She finally said.

Jack shook his head and laughed cruelly. "No Kate, it's not easier. You're just fooling yourself if you think that."

For the first time since he had walked up to her Kate looked up at him. "Maybe, but it's the only way." Without thinking she reached up and caressed his handsome face. "We'll find our way back to each other. I believe that." She told him.

Leaning into her touch he closed his eyes. "You promise?" he asked quietly.

"I promise." She replied. Opening his eyes he found Kate giving him a small smile. "Didn't you promise me the same thing when you gave me this?" She held up wrist to show him the bracelet he had given her.

Returning her small smile he nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did." He held her gaze for a moment longer not waiting to move.

Kate felt herself being pulled into his eyes drowning in the love in the brown pools that always seemed to fascinate her. For a reserved man his eyes seemed to always reveal so much about what he was feeling. And right now she could see all the love and desire he had for her. They would survive this, she told herself. She was sure of it. What she and Jack shared wasn't going to go away, not when she planned on nurturing it while they were apart. Besides they had the biggest bond a couple could have – a baby, a reflection of their love.

"You should go." She finally choked out. "Before it gets any later."

"You think maybe we could call each other…once in awhile? I mean if one of us is having a bad day…"He suggested.

Not able to completely cut off all ties, she nodded. "I guess a phone call here and there wouldn't hurt." She agreed. "I mean, if we're having a bad day…"

Satisfied for the moment Jack walked back over to the bed and slipped on his shoes. "Okay. I guess I'll go then."

Kate walked him out to the front door of the quiet apartment. As he stood on the other side of the doorway he turned and bent down and gave Kate a kiss. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." She whispered back and watched him walk to his jeep, jump in and drive away…the whole time with tears falling down her cheeks. Flying back into her room she dropped herself on her bed and grabbed the pillow he had been laying on and buried herself in it…crying herself to sleep.

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: I'm not sure. Perhaps Jack and Sarah talk, or Kate will have dinner with Sawyer…or maybe she calls Claire or Jack's mother visits. I'm just not sure yet. But something will happen._**


	14. Ch 14 Hurtin' Comes Easy

**A/N:** Okay guys, here's the next installment. Please let me know what you think of the end conversation – I'm not sure I got it right…I was going for a feeling of acceptance and understanding. Not sure about forgiveness – I don't think they're ready for that. As always I love love love reviews!

Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Also don't own the song 'Hurtin' Comes Easy' by Alan Jackson.

**Chapter 14 – Hurtin' Comes Easy**

**_I've spent a lifetime lookin' for love  
Just when I find it, it comes undone  
I've tried so hard to make love happen  
Like some never endin' pattern  
I end up on the sad side of the fun _**

Hurtin' comes easy  
Hurtin' comes easy  
Hurtin' comes easy  
For me

Well, I've seen people that got it made  
They've got someone and love looks great  
But me, I've been to every doctor  
I've tried it wild and tried it proper  
And I always end up watchin' love walk away  
That's ok

Chorus

I've gotten used to getting over  
And hopefully as I grow older  
Love won't be so difficult to see  
But now for me

Jack sat at his desk reading through a medical chart on one of the various patients the Surgical Unit was doing a follow-up on. It seemed like these charts would never end and his secretary, Marcie, had made him promise that he would finish them before he left. Tired of sitting at his desk, he stood, stretched, and took the remaining files over to his couch. Laying down he opened the next one to read but found he couldn't concentrate – his eyelids felt heavy and started to droop. Blinking a couple of times he tried to focus on the document just as his eyes started to close again he heard soft knocking at his door jarring him back.

"Come in." he called out swinging his legs around to sit up.

The door opened and his mother, Margo, walked in. Looking refined as usual in black slacks and a light blue blouse, Margo Shepherd wore her dark hair in a long straight, stylish bob that just brushed the top of her shoulders.

"Mom," Jack exclaimed surprised to see her. He jumped up and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and small hug. "What are you doing here?"

The older woman smiled. "What? I can't come and see my son at work once in awhile?" she teased.

"No, of course." Jack chuckled as he lead her back over to the couch. "It's nice to see you."

"Ah huh, especially since you've only called me once since I've been back, Jack." Margo scolded.

"I'm sorry, mom. I've been busy with work."

"As if I haven't heard that excuse before." She retorted.

Jack blushed. "So, how was Rome and London?" he asked hoping to change the subject.

Margo had recently returned from spending several weeks abroad in Europe. It was during that trip that she got an email from her son telling her that he and Sarah had gotten married again, but with no real details. Despite the fact that she had sent him back a couple of emails asking what the heck was going on, she had gotten no reply. It had left her wondering what exactly had happened to Kate and why Jack had all of a sudden gone back and re-married the woman who had cheated and left him previously. It made no sense. The last time she had seen Jack he had been happily involved with Kate. Now she had been back two weeks waiting for Jack to come over to see her and explain, but since that hadn't happened she decided to take the bull by the horns and come see him.

"Rome was wonderful. The weather was a bit cloudy off and on but no real rain, just a few light afternoon showers." Margo told him. "Shelly and I even got to the Vatican City this time around."

"And did you get to attend the Pope's mass?" Jack asked.

"Yes, unfortunately, the plaza was packed so we weren't able to get as close as we would have liked, but it was a beautiful experience anyway."

"And I'm assuming you and Shelly got some shopping done?" he added.

Margo laughed. "Naturally. One can not go to Rome and not shop…especially for shoes."

Jack joined in her laughter. "And London?"

"London was rainy." Margo said quickly. "Now, Jack, how long are you going to avoid talking about this marriage of yours?" She asked bluntly.

Jack felt himself blushing…having been caught by his mother. "I had hoped to avoid the subject a little longer." He mumbled.

"Too bad." Margo replied. "Just how the hell did you end up married to Sarah again, Jack? What were you thinking? And what about you and Kate? I mean, I thought that was going somewhere."

Jack sighed deeply rubbing his hand behind his neck. He had been waiting for this…only he had hoped his mother would have stayed in Europe just a little longer. "Sarah is sick, mom." He finally said. "She has terminal cancer."

Margo's face fell. "What? Cancer? Oh my god, that poor girl." She exclaimed sadly.

"Yeah, she was diagnosed a few months back with stage four ovarian cancer."

"Ovarian cancer?" Margo reached over and grabbed Jack's hand squeezing it lightly. "That's usually hard to treat isn't it?"

Jack nodded. "Especially at this stage."

"Oh Jack, she's so young." Margo commented feeling at that moment for her ex-daughter in law and the battle she was facing.

Jack remained silent for a few moments to give Margo a chance to digest the news. Plus it gave him time to better formulate his explanation of the marriage.

"That's awful news, but Jack, marriage?" Margo finally asked.

Standing up he walked over to his office refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. Margo declined his offer of a bottle for herself. "She doesn't have any family and unfortunately because she's been feeling sick off and on for a few months before her diagnoses she couldn't work much and since she was freelancing that left her without medical insurance." He explained. "She asked me to consider marrying her so that she could be covered under my insurance…"

"You're not serious?" Margo interrupted angrily. "After how that woman cheated on you and then walked out on you, she had the gall to ask you for that?"

"Mom, she was desperate. She didn't have anyone else to turn to." He pointed out.

"Really? And what about that man she left you for? Where is he?"

"They broke up awhile back ago and he's not in the picture anymore." Jack told her. "Like I said, she doesn't have anyone else."

"Well, Jack, that's really not your problem." His mother pointed out. "She stopped being your responsibility the day she filed for divorce."

"Mom…"

"Jack, please!" Margo snapped. "I can't believe you're going to sit there and tell me that she didn't have anyone else to turn to?" She made not attempt to hide the dislike she held for Sarah since the divorce.

"Apparently she didn't." Jack replied frustrated. He took a quick deep breath. "You know she had a small family and with her parents dead…"

"Surely, there could have been some other way to help her besides marrying her?" Margo questioned. She was confused by the whole situation and Jack's explanations were not helping to clear things up. She decided to approach it from a different angle. "What about Kate?" She asked. "Did you just leave her by the wayside?"

NO!" Jack told her, the word coming out harsher than he intended and he instantly regretted it. "I'm sorry."

Margo saw the brief look of pain cross her son's face before he pushed it aside. He definitely was not having any easy time with this. "Jack, where does Kate fit in all this? I mean, how did she take it?''

Jack closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "Actually mom, it was her idea – me marrying Sarah."

"What?" Margo was again taken by surprise. "Why would Kate agree to such a thing?"

"It's a long story, mom." Jack sighed draining the last of the water from the bottle. "Her mom died of cancer alone during the time that Kate was in Australia. She blames herself and she thinks that somehow some of her guilt will be taken away if she makes sure Sarah doesn't die alone."

Margo gasped softly at the idea. How could Kate think giving up Jack would absolve her guilt? Push the man you love to go and marry another woman to keep her from dying alone? How much guilt was she carrying around? Margo thought to herself. _It_ _makes no sense_. She told Jack as much.

"I know, mom. But she was very adamant about it." He told her.

"And you just went along with it?"

"It was either that or risk losing Kate completely down the line." Jack said. Noticing the confused look on his mom's face he continued. "She told me she was afraid that if she felt like we didn't do everything we could to help out Sarah it would come back to hurt us later on. She said that she thought it could cause problems between us and break us apart." Jack dropped his head into his hands. Margo reached over and gently rubbed his shoulder to comfort him. "I'm sorry, Jack." She said softly, her empathy for his situation showing in her tone.

"Yeah, me too." He replied. "She insists we'll get back to our life together after Sarah is gone."

Margo could hear the hurt in her son's voice and suddenly he became her little boy again. But unlike when he was 4 years old Margo couldn't make his hurt go away with a kiss on the forehead and a cookie. "Do you love Kate?" She finally asked.

Jack abruptly looked up surprised by her question. "What?"

"Do you love Kate?" Margo asked again.

"Of course I do." He replied emphatically.

She smiled. "Good, then, at this point, all you can do is hold on to that love and trust that you two find your way back to each other." She commented. "You two have something special, Jack. I saw that the first time I met Kate. She completes you. She helps you realize just what a wonderful man you've become."

Jack gave his mother a small smile. "I'm sure Kate would be happy to hear you say that."

"She already has." Margo replied. "I told her as much the last time the three of us had dinner."

"Really?" Jack smirked. "She didn't tell me that."

"Because she wasn't suppose to," Margo pointed out. "It was between she and I."

Jack shook his head and he smiled again. He couldn't believe what he was hearing from her. Margo had hardly ever been what you would call a 'cheerleader' when Jack was growing up. She preferred her child to face life realistically and left out the whimsical and always optimistic views.

"So how about I buy my mom some dinner?" he offered.

Margo took a quick glance at the small pile of medical folders on the coffee table and arched her eyebrow. "Are you trying to get out of paperwork?"

Jack shook his head side to side. "Ah…yeah." He smiled. "But if I tell Marcie that I took my mom out for a long overdue dinner then she won't hold it against me for not finishing the charts until the morning."

Standing up Margo hooked her arm through Jack's and gave him a warm smile. "I remember your father using the same excuse to get out of his paperwork." She joked.

"Who do you think I learned it from?" Jack teased back.

Margo laughed. "Alright, young man, but I must insist…no hospital cafeteria."

A few hours later Jack walked into his living room expecting to find it empty and Sarah asleep in her room. It was late. After dinner Margot had suggested they go listen to some jazz music at one of the jazz clubs nearby. Feeling guilty because he hadn't spent more time with his mother Jack had agreed. It had turned out to be a more pleasant evening than Jack had originally imagined. Margot had made her peace with her husband's death and after having thought she had also lost her only son in the crash and finding him alive she had vowed to solidify her relationship with Jack after the rescue.

As he walked into the living room he found Sarah dozing on the recliner in front of the television. Surprised to find her there he flipped on the lamp and shut the television. The light caused her to stir. Rolling over and opening her eyes she saw Jack standing at the end of the sofa.

"Hi" She said groggily. "You're home."

"Yeah, but what are you doing up? It's late." He loosened his tie and took off his jacket. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah," She nodded, "Well, as okay as you can feel two days after chemo treatment."

"You really should be getting your rest, Sarah." He said slipping into doctor mode for a moment.

"I am." She insisted. "It's just that…well…I haven't really seen you much the last couple of days."

"I've been working with a patient." Jack interrupted.

"I know." Sarah sighed. "There's always another patient."

Jack walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. Suddenly he had flashbacks to their first marriage. "I really don't want to get into this now, Sarah. It's late…"

"I don't want to either." Sarah followed him into the kitchen. "I don't want to start a fight."

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it." He replied sarcastically.

Sarah took a deep breath not wanting to reply until she could do it without sounding bitchy. She couldn't believe how tense things had become between her and Jack. It was worse than at the end of their first marriage. Sure he took her to her doctor's appointments, held her hand when they drew blood, made sure she ate when her stomach let her and helped her when her stomach didn't, but all the comfort and compassion he bestowed on her was while he was in doctor's mode. His eyes didn't seem to hold the same warmth she remembered when he had told her she would dance at her wedding. Or even the same love when he asked her to be his wife. That part of Jack was gone for her and in its place there was instead a wall of resentment.

'_What did you expect?'_ She told herself. _'You had him give up a part of his life.'_ "I'm sorry." She said softly.

Jack finished his glass of water and poured himself another. "It's alright."

"It's just that we haven't really seen each other much these last couple of days and I just…I just wanted to see how you are." Sarah tried to explain.

Jack nodded his head slowly. "I'm fine, thanks."

"So, were you working late tonight?" Sarah asked encouraged by the tone of his previous answer.

"No, actually, I had dinner with my mom."

"Really? With Margot?" Sarah was a bit surprised. During their marriage Jack hadn't really been too close with his mother.

Jack nodded. "She came by the hospital to see me since I hadn't called her since she got back from Europe."

"Oh?" Sarah frowned. "So, does she know about _us_?"

Jack bristled at her use of the word "us". It made it sound like they were a couple. "I told her we're married and the reasons why." He explained as he made his way over to the living room.

Sarah followed. "I wish you hadn't told her why."

"Why not, Sarah, it's the truth." He retorted.

"I know, but your mother wasn't too fond of me before, now I can only imagine what she thinks of me." Sarah sat back down on the recliner.

Jack didn't answer her for a moment. "She wasn't happy." He finally admitted.

"And I'm sure she found a way to blame me for all of this too."

"Sarah…" Jack started to say.

"It's true, Jack!" Sarah interrupted feeling herself getting upset at the thought of her mother-in-law. "She didn't like me before we got married the first time and she hated me when we divorced."

"Well, can you really blame her?" Jack defended his mother. "You cheated on her son."

Sarah shot him a glare but didn't reply. How could she? It was true. "Still, I would have preferred to leave out why you married me." She pouted.

Jack sighed. He was tired and all he wanted was a quick shower before going to bed. He was not feeling up to a drawn out conversation about his mom and her relationship with Sarah.

"Look Sarah, what was I suppose to do, huh? My mom gets an email from her son telling her that he remarried his ex-wife. The same ex-wife that had an affair and then left him for another man." Jack countered. "This, when just two weeks earlier she had had dinner with me and Kate and had told me how glad she was I was happy again."

Sarah felt hurt hearing that last part 'how glad she was I was happy again.' Kate had made him happy again, but she shouldn't be so surprised to hear that, she thought to herself. Sarah had heard their laughter coming from the open window that day she went to the house and told Jack about her cancer. She had seen the look they had exchanged when Sarah had asked to speak to him alone.

"I guess you're right." She conceded. "It wouldn't have made sense to her otherwise."

Jack nodded in agreement. "Besides I'm not lying to my mother…not about this."

Sarah nodded but didn't say anything. Bowing her head she played with her wedding ring – a plain gold band – there was no engagement ring this time around. Another example that this marriage was a business arrangement.

"Do you still love her?" She finally asked in a voice just above a whisper.

"Who? My mom?" Jack was confused by her sudden question.

Sarah shook her head. "No, I mean Kate. Do you still love her?" She looked up, her blue eyes trying to search his, revealing her need to know. She saw him visibly tense up and look away. He was not easily inclined to discuss his feeling for Kate with his ex-wife.

"Sarah, look, I don't think…"

"Jack, please, just answer the question." She spoke up.

"Why?" he turned it around. "Why do you want to know?"

Needing to do something with her hands Sarah nervously reached over and grabbed a pillow from the sofa and laid it in her lap. "I thought…I…it might help me…us deal with thing around here better."

"Deal with what things?" Jack took a seat on the couch across from Sarah who was still in her recliner.

"Things, Jack. Things like this…this tension between us. Like how we hardly ever talk except about your work, or my illness. Like how we don't spend much time together outside of doctors appointments and how it's polite dinner conversation a couple of times a week when you make it home in time." Sarah spit out. "Those things."

"And just what exactly were you expecting?" Jack answered back angrily. "You wanted medical insurance and someone to take you to your doctors appointments, you got that!"

"Along with a plateful of resentment!" She shot back knowing how unfair she was being at the moment but unable to stop herself.

Jack looked up at her, his face full of anger. "What the hell, Sarah? Did you think I'd be thrilled to be back married to you again?

Sarah sighed. "There was a time when you were."

Jack laughed bitterly, not believing where this conversation was going. "Yeah, and we both know what that got me, don't we? Blew up in my face pretty good."

Sarah could feel tears starting up. "You're never going to forgive me for that, are you?"

Jack ran his hand over the back of his head in frustration. "Sarah, you cheated on me!" He exclaimed.

"I know that!" She stood up from the recliner, her voice full of emotion. "I know what I did, Jack! You don't have to keep reminding me! I made a mistake…a big mistake and I've had to live with that ever since. But you weren't exactly innocent in all of this either!"

"What?"

"You left the marriage before I ever did." She said accusingly. "Always at the hospital. Always putting your patients before your wife. Do you even know who many nights I ate dinner alone feeling like crap because my husband would rather spend his time in a sterile hospital than with me?"

Jack felt stung by her words. "Those patients needed me." He defended somewhat weakly.

"So did I!" She angrily told him. "I may have been cured but that didn't mean I still didn't need you. And you weren't there! Time and time again you weren't there!"

"So, you went out and found someone else." He felt his throat tighten at the memory of the night Sarah had told him she had found someone else and was leaving him.

Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her tired eyes. Jack instantly felt guilty for getting her so worked up, especially since she was probably still weak from her last chemo. She needed rest not stress.

"I found someone else because I felt lonely and lost." Sarah explained lowering her voice. "I wanted to be loved and needed again." She sat back down in the recliner. "Randy reminded me what it felt like to be with someone again. I mean truly 'be with someone.' " She looked over at her ex-husband and saw the hurt in his eyes. "You couldn't help it Jack. You just didn't love me enough." She told him.

He looked up at her surprised by her comment. "Sarah, I…"

"And it hurt Jack." She continued. "It hurt to know that no matter what I did you…a big part of you had already left me. Or maybe it was never with me to begin with." She surmised.

Jack nodded his head. She was right – the doubts he had the night before the ceremony, his inability to write his wedding vows, to express his love for Sarah on paper, the fact that he had found it easy at times to put last minute things that came up at the hospital ahead of a planned night out with Sarah were all evidence of what she was telling him. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "I never meant to hurt you."

She nodded accepting his sincere apology. "And now here we are married again, albeit under difference circumstances, but married just the same."

"But it's not the same, Sarah." He told her.

"I know. You don't love me and I'm dying." She said calmly.

"Damn it, Sarah!" He protested hating her talk like that about her mortality.

But Sarah put her hand up. "No, it's true." She replied. "And I know that you're not happy with all this." She felt tears starting up again and made a small swipe under her eyes with her hand. "I just blew in and turned your world upside down. Made you do all this. But I want you to know how much I truly appreciate what you've done for me Jack. I know what you've sacrificed and for that I'm grateful. You could have turned your back on me – especially after all we've been though, but you didn't. You didn't because you're a special man, Jack Shepard." She said tearfully.

He nodded but didn't say anything choosing to keep his gaze on the floor.

"So, back to my question." Sarah said softly. Do you still love Kate?"

Jack looked up slowly and Sarah could see his eyes cloud over with emotion then she saw it…what she had been looking for earlier…love.

"Yeah," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "More than ever."

TBC

_**Upcoming chapter: A little bit of mama Kate and a little bit of poker playing Jack as the "boys" get together**_.


	15. Ch 15 A Woman's Worth

**A/N:** As this story progresses I'm going to be jumping ahead in time here and there. I'll try and work it into the story either by something one of the characters says or "writes". This chapter deals a little with Mama Kate and then some Jate flashback fluff. All I can say is that I love me some Romantic Jack (up there with Alpha Male Jack and Wet t-shirt Jack).

Hope you guys like this installment – let me know click that little button at the bottom.

And for those of you asking Yes, Sawyer is still part of this story and will be making an appearance again real soon.

Legal stuff: As always don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "A Woman's Worth" sung by Alicia Keys.

**Chapter 15 – A Woman's Worth**

_**You could buy me diamonds  
You could buy me pearls  
Take me on a cruise around the world  
Baby you know I'm worth it  
Dinner lit by candle  
Run my bubble bath  
Make love tenderly to last, to last  
Cause baby you know I'm worth it **_

Wanna please wanna keep wanna treat your woman right  
Not just dough but to show that you know she is worth your time  
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first  
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth

Mmm  
Cause a real man, knows a real woman when he sees her  
And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her  
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first  
And a real man just can't deny a womans worth

"Ugh, I can't believe some of these tops." Kate held out a hanger with a shirt on it for Carrie to see. "Do they really think all pregnant women should be wearing polka dots and or big bows on the front of their chests." She exclaimed frustrated.

Carrie inspected the pink maternity top that had white polka dots and a big floppy bow at the neckline. "Oh that's attractive." She smirked.

"You know it's bad enough you pooch out like a beach ball and your feet swell, your back hurts and your hormones are out of whack, but then they expect you to wear something like that." Kate complained.

"Don't forget the granny panties." Carrie teased.

Kate looked over at her and rolled her eyes. "Thanks for that reminder."

This was Kate's first real venture out to buy maternity clothes and so far she wasn't really enjoying herself. There were too many things to consider and so far Kate had gotten a couple of maternity bras, along with a package of so very attractive pregnancy panties. She had managed to find a pair of jeans with an adjustable waistband to "grow as you do" according to the tag.

"Hey, how about this?" Carrie held up a blue t-shirt with the word "BABY" across the chest and an arrow underneath pointing down.

Kate frowned. "I think it's going to be obvious soon. I don't need to advertise." She replied.

Going through the racks the girls managed to find some shirts and a couple of pairs of pants that met with Kate's approval. Gathering their finds they made their way over to the cash register. After this they were going to meet Sun for lunch at a restaurant near the mall.

While Kate paid for her purchases Carrie glanced at her watch. "We still have a little bit of time before we're suppose to meet Sun, think we can swing by the shoe department upstairs? I need a pair of tennis shoes for tonight." Carrie asked, referring to her date with Sawyer later that night.

"Where is he taking you?" Kate had recently found out that Sawyer and Carrie were seeing each other off and on.

"He said two words – Monster Trucks".

Kate laughed trying to picture the red head in an outdoor arena watching a bunch of tricked out trucks rolling over cars and driving in the dirt and mud.

"Hey!" Carrie defended. "I'm open to new ideas. I think it'll be fun."

"I'm sure it will be." Kate chuckled. "Just try not to sit too close to the front, wouldn't want you getting a mud bath."

"Ha.Ha." Carrie deadpanned. "Shoe department should be this way." She pointed in front of them.

Just then something else caught Kate's eye. She put her hand up to catch Carrie's attention. "Go on ahead. I'm not really in the mood for shoes. I'll meet you back here."

"Are you sure?" Carrie's voice had a slight tone of concern.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine. Go ahead." Kate insisted.

Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "Suit yourself." She replied. "I won't be long."

As her room mate walked away Kate went in the opposite direction to the baby department. Walking between the racks she paused and gently fingered the tiny shirts and sleepers smiling to herself as she felt the soft material. They seemed so tiny, she thought. She marveled at the idea of having a tiny human being that would fit these little clothes.

As she turned from one of the racks she saw a display with a denim jumper hanging on the rack. "Oh, that's so cute." She whispered as she picked it up. The denim was a soft texture with buttons to fasten the shoulder straps to the body of the suit in a overall fashion. The shirt was pink with little bears all over. Looking at the rest of the display she saw there were other shirt colors and designs to choose from.

"I would recommend getting it in a bigger size…maybe a 6 to 9 months." A woman's voice said behind her.

Turning around Kate found herself facing the saleslady, an older looking woman with short blonde hair and a pleasant smile. Her nametag read 'Bonnie'. "I'm sorry?" Kate asked confused.

"The outfit." Bonnie pointed at the jumper. "I usually like to suggest buying it in the 6 month or larger size." She explained. "It's such a cute jumper and if you buy it at newborn you wouldn't get to use it as much."

"No? Why not?"

Bonnie smiled again at the pretty brunette. Obviously she was a first time mom to be. "A lot of parents find it easier to keep newborns in t-shirts and onsies. It makes changing diapers and cleaning up easier." She told her. "And newborns usually sleep so much they don't socialize much."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense." Kate replied realizing how much she still had to figure out about babies. She turned back and looked at the little outfit again. It really was cute.

"How far along are you?" Bonnie asked.

Kate smiled. "4 ½ months." She put her hand on her stomach. "I'm just starting to really show."

"Do you know what you're having yet?" Bonnie came around to the side of the display next to Kate.

"No, not yet." She shook her head. "I find out next month."

Bonnie nodded then turned to the clothing. "What do you think about green?" She pulled out a small green t-shirt with bunny rabbits from the pile.

"That's cute." Kate widened her smile.

"And it's a good color for both a boy and a girl." The older woman added. Pulled out the size she recommended she pointed behind Kate. "There's some socks and shoes there if you'd like to look at them."

Walking over to the sales rack Kate immediately spied a pair of white baby Nikes and fell in love with them. "Oh my gosh, these are adorable." She laughed picking up the little shoes.

"I thought you might like those." Bonnie replied taking delight in the young mother –to-be's excitement.

Remembering the woman's earlier suggestion Kate picked a larger size and started to head towards the register.

"Anything else I can show you?" Bonnie offered.

"No, not right now." Kate shook her head. "I wasn't really planning on buying baby clothes yet, it's just that I saw the racks and I couldn't resist."

Bonnie chuckled. "I understand. Well, you have some time still."

As they approached the register Kate's attention was drawn to a stack of books individually boxed labeled 'Baby Journal'.

"What are these for?" she asked.

"Oh, we just got those in." Bonnie opened the book on display and showed it to Kate. "You've got a place to make journal entries about your pregnancy and after the baby is born. There's also some places to glue pictures, momentos…kind of like a scrape book and a diary in one. "She fanned through the pages. "They give you stickers and little banners for different things like 'first sonogram', 'first picture'. It's designed to let you document the first year of your baby's life and then give it to your child when they get older so they can see what you were thinking or feeling and what and when things happened."

Kate looked at the book for a few moments as an idea flashed in her head. "I think I'll take one." She decided.

"Wonderful" Bonnie grabbed a box and placed it on the counter with the other items. "I think you'll have a lot of fun with it…especially since it's your first" She added knowingly as she started to ring up the transaction.

"Oh!" Kate exclaimed suddenly and brought her hand up to her stomach.

"Are you okay?" Bonnie asked concerned.

Closing her eyes for a moment Kate's face broke into a small smile. "Yeah, yeah, I think so." She said. "I think the baby just moved."

"Really?"

She nodded. "I felt a lot of quick fluttering and then it stopped." She told the saleslady. Her doctor had told her at the last check up she would soon start to feel little movements from the baby.

"First time?" Bonnie asked.

"Ah huh." Kate bit her bottom lip as she started to feel tears well up. The little fluttering seemed to make the baby even more real to Kate as it reminded her she had a living human being growing inside her – a little part of her and Jack. _Jack_, she wiped at a tear that fell as she thought of the father of her baby. _God, I wish he was here…here to share this with her. _She felt another tear fall as she continued to think about him and what he was missing out. _Stop it! _She told herself. _This is only temporary. You'll be together again and he'll get to share all kinds of things with you and the baby. _

"Are you sure you're okay, honey?" Bonnie asked handing her a tissue.

Kate nodded and tried to give her a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. It's just hormones, you know?"

"Well, then, "Bonnie gave her a sweet smile and handed her the bag. "Looks like you have your first entry in the baby journal."

"So, what happened after you read the newspaper ad?" Kate asked Carrie a short time later. The two had met Sun at the restaurant and were now seated at their table enjoying their lunch. As they ate the ladies were sharing stories about the most romantic gesture a man had done for them. Sun had described how Jin had proposed to her one afternoon in a garden surrounded by flowers and how he had gone to her father and asked for her hand in marriage. Carrie was currently in the middle of her story.

"Well, "She smiled. "I went to the address he had put in the ad and found it was a hotel…The Red Lion. It was a nice hotel with this big lobby and all this oak furniture and these long grand looking drapes." She paused to take a bite of her salad. The other two waited for her to continue.

"Anyway, he left a key card at the desk for the suite he had reserved. I went up to the room and when I walked in the room was all dim and there were candles all over the place and a vase of red roses on the counter. He even laid down a trail of rose petals into the bedroom like you see on TV."

"Ah, how sweet." Kate commented.

"Yeah, I thought so too." Carrie said. "Until I got to the bedroom and found Adam in his boxers passed out on the bed."

"What!" Kate and Sun exclaimed at the same time. "You're kidding?"

Carrie shook her head as she took another bite of her salad. "Na ah, out cold next to a bottle of champagne he had ordered for us."

Both ladies giggled. "That's awful." Kate covered her mouth laughing. "I can't believe he got drunk before you even got there."

"Yup. It turns out Prince Charming was a closet alcoholic…well at least he was until that night." She joked. "Heck, he even cracked into the minibar."

"So, what did you do?" Sun asked curious.

The redhead smiled, a mischievous grin came over her face. "I guess it sounds mean now, but I was pretty pissed off at the time. I mean, here I call in sick to work, I got out and buy a new dress and he drinks himself into a stupor waiting for me. So, I took off his boxer shorts, got my lipstick and painted a smiley face on his forehead and left him there buck naked for housekeeping to find."

"You didn't?" Kate asked incredulously.

"Oh yeah." Carrie replied. "I did. I raided what was left of the mini bar too and when I left I put the sign out for housekeeping to clean the room."

"So," Kate laughed, "Did you ever hear from him again?"

"Yeah, I did. He left a message on my machine the next day with some lame excuse. But then when I didn't call him back he left me another couple of messages calling me a bitch for leaving him like that for the maid to see him. The jerk even wanted me to pay for half the mini bar." She explained still disgusted at the memory of the last call.

"Hey, I thought this was supposed to be about the most romantic thing a guy did for you." Kate pointed out as the waiter quietly refilled their drinks.

Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "That was." She told her friends and saw the looks of surprise on their faces. "What can I say? I've dated a lot of losers."

"So, I guess Sawyer has his work cut out for him, huh?" Kate commented.

Carrie took a long sip of her iced tea. "He and I are just having fun…keeping it casual." She said trying to sound nonchalant.

Kate smiled but didn't comment as she bit into a forkful of her pasta. She knew Carrie liked Sawyer more than she was letting on. She just wasn't sure how he felt about her friend. Given Sawyer's past Kate got the feeling he didn't get attached too easily or too fast. _'Except maybe for you' _she told herself thinking about how Sawyer had been acting since learning Kate was pregnant, asking if she was getting enough sleep, reminding her to eat better including more protein because he had read somewhere pregnant women needed lots of protein. That didn't seem to be a problem for Kate though – the baby seemed to crave cheeseburgers and steak on a regular basis. It was funny to watch Sawyer turn into a fussbudget when he went over to Kate and Carrie's apartment. He had even gotten her into the habit of joining him and Carrie for dinner out once a week. While she enjoyed the chance to get out, Kate always ended the evening missing Jack terribly. Maybe it was seeing Sawyer and Carrie flirting with each other during dinner or maybe it was the image of the couple sitting on the couch with Sawyer's arm around Carrie's shoulder settling down to TV while Kate went off to an early bedtime that did her in. Whatever the reason Kate would go to her bedroom slip on Jack's purple shirt that she had taken with her when she had moved out, get into bed and snuggle into one her pillows wishing that by some magical chance it would change into Jack.

"Hey Kate! Hello?" Carrie's voice broke into her thoughts,

Kate looked over at the two women and realized she had been asked a question and they were awaiting her answer. "Sorry?"

"It's your turn." Sun offered with a soft smile. "Most romantic gesture."

Kate cocked her head to the side as if in thought for a moment. "Well, there's a few…"

"Figures." Carrie teased. "Just pick one. Come on." She urged somewhat impatiently_. Figures Kate would have a handful of romantic gestures to choose from,_ Carrie thought to herself. _Guys line up for a shot at girls that look like Kate._

"Okay." Kate sighed. "It was after we had been back from the island and settled." Kate started. "I came home late from work one night and got caught in the rain…"

(flashback)

_Kate stood at the door of the house digging through her purse trying to find her housekey which had fallen off her key ring again. Rain came down steady around her making her shiver in her wet clothes, water droplets starting to fall from her wet curls. Unsuccessful in locating the key Kate reached out and pushed the doorbell a couple of times then kicked the door in frustration. A moment later Jack opened the door and found a drenched, pissed off Kate standing in the doorway looking a little like a drowned river rat. He held back a giggle._

"_I can't find my damn key." She spit out as she brushed past him._

_Nodding Jack went to the linen closet and returned a moment later with a large, fluffy towel and handed it to Kate. "Here, you need to get out of those clothes."_

"_I was suppose to be off 3 hours ago, but Miles calls in sick and then Harry tells me he needs to have these boxes unpacked in the back storeroom so I'll need to cover the front and then we just got busy." Kate ranted referring to her job at small bistro./bar. "Don't people stay home when it rains anymore?"_

"_I guess not." Jack said softly taking her jacket and laying it on a dining room chair to dry out._

_She continued to rant as she toweled off her arms and rubbed her hair. "Then I realized I didn't bring an umbrella and my car is parked way at the far end of the parking lot, so I have to make a run for it. And then I get here and I can't find my key to the door…it fell off the ring again…the clasp is broken and…" her voice had started to crack._

_Not sure what else to do Jack pulled her into a hug. "It's okay," he soothed. "I'll get you another key ring tomorrow. Let's just get you warmed up and dry."_

"_I'm getting your shirt wet." Kate commented pulling slightly from his embrace. She could feel her muscles ache from the tension especially between her shoulder blades._

_Jack felt her body stiffen up in his embrace. Reaching up her squeezed her shoulders a few times and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I have a surprise for you. And judging from how your evening's been going you can use it." He gave her a smile._

"_Really? Is it a really big bottle of wine and some Xanax?" she joked. _

"_Well, you got the wine part right." He turned her around and pushed her in the direction of the bedroom. "Go put on a robe and meet me in the kitchen." _

_Here you go." He told her a few minutes later handing her a glass of white wine._

_Kate took a sip and smiled. "Hummm…nice."_

"_When you called to tell me that you were stuck at work it sounded like you were having a rough day, so I thought you could use a little help unwinding when you got home." He explained._

"_Oh yeah, and what exactly do you have in mind?" Kate asked flirtatiously drawing herself closer to him. _

"_Well…" Jack ran a finger along one of her damp curls before tucking it behind her ear. "I got some take out from your favorite Chinese restaurant delivered…"_

"_Really?" She closed her eyes for a moment as she took another sip of the wine enjoying the taste of the liquid as it went down her throat and relishing in the warmth generated by Jack's closeness._

"_Ah huh." He kissed the tip of her nose. "And I've got that surprise for you."_

_Kate opened her eyes – her curiosity peaked. He knew how she liked unexpected gift. "A surprise? What is it?"_

_Jack smiled mischievously. "You'll have to wait and see."_

_Kate pouted. "Tell me, Jack. I've had a crappy day."_

_He held out his hand to her. "Come on."_

_She looked down at his hand but didn't move to take it. Instead she took another sip of her wine. "Where are we going?"_

_Jack laughed. "Kate, you're asking too many questions."_

"_And you're not answering any of them." She smirked._

"_Okay," Jack reached over and took her wine glass and placed it on the counter. "I see you're going to make this difficult."_

"_Make what…ah…Jack!" Kate screamed out as she felt Jack effortlessly pick her up and throw her over his shoulder. "What are you doing! Jack!" She yelled. "Put me down."_

_Ignoring her cries he held her with one arm across her legs and with his free hand picked up her wine glass and started walking down the hall._

"_Jack? Jack, where are we going?" Kate couldn't help but laugh as she hung down his back trying to slap the back of his legs. "Jack!"_

_Entering their bedroom he continued into the bathroom where he gently put her back on the floor._

"_Are you crazy?" Kate asked brushing strands of her off her face. "What are you doing?"_

"_This." He pointed behind her._

_Turning around Kate saw several light candles placed around the dimly lit room and soft music playing in the background. Jack reached over and turned on the faucet to their roman tub and poured bubble bath into the stream of water._

"_You might want to take that robe off." He said._

"_We're taking a bubble bath?" Kate was taken by surprise._

"_**You're** taking a bubble bath." He corrected her as his fingers started to undue the knot in her robe's belt._

"_You're not joining me?" Kate asked suddenly liking the idea of a warm bath. Soaking in the tub would probably do her tired body some good._

_Jack opened her robe and pushed it off her shoulders bending down to kiss her bare shoulder. "Don't worry I'll be here." He said cryptically._

"_Good." Kate muttered as a shiver ran down her spine from the feeling of his warm lips on her skin. Reaching up she started to undo the buttons on his shirt but Jack stopped her._

"_Not what I've got planned." He told her._

"_But…"_

_Placing a finger on her lips to silence her he gave her one of his smiles that he seemed to reserve only for her. "This is about you." He said softly. "Now, lose the underwear, please."_

_A minute later Kate was completely undressed and stepping into the warm water. She blushed as she felt Jack's eyes following her as she slipped under the bubbles._

"_Checking me out, Dr. Shepard?" She said a bit breathlessly._

"_You know it." He winked then reached over and handed her the wine glass he had brought with them. "Now just lay there for a few minutes and relax." His voice took on a soft soothing tone again. "Oh, almost forgot." He pulled out a round object from the sink counter and dropped it in the water._

"_What is that?" She asked._

"_One of those spa fizzy balls." He said not sure of their real name. "It's suppose to make the water softer and soothe your muscles." Satisfied, Jack started for the door. "I'll be right back." He said._

_Closing her eyes Kate leaned back against the tub pillow Jack had put out earlier. 'He even remembered that.' She thought to herself as she took a couple of deep breaths letting the heat from the water and the soft music playing relax her mind._

_Leaving Kate to soak Jack went into the kitchen and checked on their dinner. Pouring himself a glass of wine he went back to the bathroom kicking off his shoes along the way. _

"_Hey," he greeted Kate. "How are you feeling?"_

"_Mmmmm…" Kate dragged her hands through the bubbles. "Pretty good. Are you sure you don't want to join me? There's room."_

"_Well, that would defeat the purpose of you relaxing, now wouldn't it?" he joked._

_Kate looked up at him and grinned. "Oh, I don't know. You naked in the tub with me covered in bubbles…"_

_Jack chuckled. "Maybe next time." He placed his glass down on the sink counter and grabbed a plastic bottle next to it. Throwing a towel on the floor next to the tub he kneeled down and grabbed the shower nozzle hose._

"_Jack, what are you doing?" Kate asked._

"_Sit up and turn around away from me." He instructed._

"_Why?" _

"_You'll see." He grinned. "You'll like it. I promise." _

_Giving Jack a suspicious eye she scooted around turning her bare back to Jack. Turning on the shower head he brought it up to Kate's head and started wetting her hair. When it was sufficiently wet he poured out shampoo from the bottle onto his hands and then placed them on her head and slowly started to lather up her hair. Kate let out a small moan as his fingers moved slowly and softly along her head adding more shampoo and gathering up more of her hair. Closing her eyes she leaned her head back into his hands enjoying the massage his fingers were giving her._

_Gathering up all of her hair on top of her head and continuing the massage Jack leaned over and placed small kisses under her ear down along her neck and out to her shoulder._

"_Mmmm…that's nice." Kate mumbled thoroughly enjoying the idea of having her hair shampooed by this gorgeous sexy man behind her. The scent of vanilla and lilac waffled down from her hair and filled her nostrils. The memory of the earlier events now gone from her mind; the only thing mattering right now was the warm, relaxing water, Jack's talented fingers and his even more talented lips as they continued to brush along her neck and shoulders._

"_How's that feel?" He asked softly._

"_Mmmm…fantastic." She groaned pleasantly._

"_Oh yeah?" He placed another kiss on the back of her neck as this thumbs rubbed along the muscles. "How about this?"_

"_Good."_

"_And this?" He asked again kissing a spot before letting his fingers cover over it._

"_Perfect." She reached over and grabbed one of his hands with her soapy one and brought his fingers up to her lips. "Perfect."_

_Smiling against her shoulder he turned on the shower nozzle again and gently rinsed off her hair. "Let's get you out of there before you get all pruney." He teased handing her a towel. Kate wrapped the towel around her hair and tucked in the corner to secure it then stepped out of the tub into her bathroom that Jack was holding open for her._

"_Thank you." Kate said shyly as she tied the robe's belt around her waist. "That was…amazing."_

"_Glad you liked it." Jack grinned._

_Smiling she reached up and tugged at his shirt which was now damp at the sleeves. "But all you got out of this was wet sleeves."_

_Jack laughed. "I got more out of it than that." He slipped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Ah huh. I got to see your beautiful face relaxed and content. Your bad mood gone away" He kissed her forehead. "Definitely worth the wet sleeves."_

_Giggling Kate snaked her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers meeting his lips in a sweet kiss. "Didn't you say something about Chinese food?"_

"Oh my god, he actually set all that up?" Carrie exclaimed.

"Yeah, it was pretty amazing." She said softly the memory of that night still flashing in her mind. Suddenly she felt fluttering in her stomach again and quickly brought her hand to her stomach. Sun noticed the movement.

"Kate, are you okay?" Her friend asked concerned.

Kate gave her a small smile. "Yeah. I think the baby's starting to move." She revealed.

Both of the other women smiled. "Really?" Carrie asked excitedly. "It's moved?"

"Little flutters." Kate explained.

Later that night Kate sat in her bed in her apartment alone. Carrie and Sawyer had left for the evening. She pulled out the baby journal and made her first entry:

**_Dear Jack,_**

**_I felt our baby moved today for the first time. It was just some fluttering but it was unbelievable. I was at a store in the baby department – I bought the baby it's first little outfit and while I was paying I felt it. It's funny but it seems more real now – that there's a little person growing inside of me. A little part of you and me. I wish you were here though, to share this, to put your hand on my bump and maybe feel the baby move too._**

**_I love you._**

Kate continued writing a little longer and felt a tear fall down her cheek and hit the paper leaving a little wet spot behind. Wiping away at her eyes she closed the journal and settled down in the covers too tired to stay up much longer.

TBC

**Upcoming chapter: A little male bonding**.


	16. Ch 16 Playing with the Boys

**A/N:** Sorry for such a delay on this update. I moved from one city to another and really hadn't had a chance to sit and type out what I've written so far. But I did continue to write between the packing and the unpacking. I have almost two more chapters written down – now I just have to type them up.

This chapter is sort of a man fluff piece that I had the urge to write. Sort of to show our good doctor having a little relax and recreation session. All work and no Kate would make Jack a very dull boy…plus the topic of conversation at the end was a real one that an ex male co-worker of mine posted to his female co-workers one time. (It was an interesting conversation). Hope you guys like this update!

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "Playing with the Boys" sung by Kenny Loggins from the movie Top Gun. For those who've seen the movie I think we all remember the volleyball scene where this song was played. **

**Chapter 16 – Playing With The Boys **

_I'd say it was the right time  
To walk away  
When dreaming takes you nowhere  
It's time to play  
Bodies working overtime  
Your money don't matter  
The clock keeps ticking  
When someone's on your mind _

I'm moving in slow motion  
Feels so good  
It's a strange anticipation  
Knock, knock, knocking on wood  
Bodies working overtime  
Man against man  
And all that ever matters  
Is baby who's ahead in the game  
Funny but it's always the same

Playing, playing with the boys  
Playing, playing with the boys  
After chasing sunsets  
One of life's simple joys  
Is playing with the boys

Said it was the wrong thing  
For me to do  
I said it's just a boys' game  
Girls play too  
My heart is working overtime  
In this kind of game  
People get hurt  
I'm afraid that someone is me  
If you want to find me, I'll be

Playing, playing with the boys

__

"Hey dude, got the beer and a bucket of chicken wings." Hurley held up a 6 pack of beer in one hand and a round cardboard bucket in the other as a greeting.

Marc Silverman, who had opened the door, grinned. "Never let us down, do you Hurley?"

"Hey man, it's in bad taste to go somewhere empty handed." Hurley explained walking through the foyer of Jack's house that Marc had taken up residence at.

It was poker night for the boys. Hurley had initially suggested the get together for the L.A. survivors shortly after they had settled into their "old" lives and it soon became a regular thing for Jack, Hurley, Sayid, Locke and Jin. Charlie would even join them whenever he found himself in town.

"Hey Jack," Hurley greeted the doctor warmly. "What's up?"

"Not much." Jack replied opening one of the boxes of pizzas that was recently delivered and grabbing a slice. "Help yourself." He handed the burly man a paper plate. "We're just waiting for Sayid and John. You remember Marc's friend Tony Miranda. Works with him at the fire station" Jack pointed to the young well built, dark haired man sitting at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, sure. Hey dude." Hurley waved.

"Nice to see you." Tony replied.

Marc came back into the room and grabbed a beer. "Got the table up and the chips all out." He announced. "Ready to lose some of those millions Hurley?"

"Yeah, I could use a new dirt bike." Tony remarked.

Hurley looked over at the two men and just smirked. "Why don't I just write you a check and save time?" Unfortunately for Hurley he still had not mastered the art of the bluff and usually ended up with the smallest pile of chips at the end of the night.

The ringing of the doorbell momentarily broke up the conversation and announced the arrival of Sayid and John Locke who had brought along more beer and a large hoagie sandwich and chips as their contribution.

Marc looked over at Jack as they made their way to the poker table. "You ever wonder if we spend more time eating and drinking beer than actually playing cards?"

The game was 7 card stud and it was Locke's turn to bet. "I'll see your two and raise two" he threw in four blue chips that represented a dollar each.

The other men turned and looked at Jack who was sitting behind the highest pile of chips on the table. "I'll see that." He threw in four chips.

Hurley studied the doctor for a moment trying to read his face for any clue to what he might be holding. Was he sitting on a hot hand or was he bluffing? He couldn't tell for sure. Jack turned and looked. "Well?" he asked still not revealing anything…then Hurley saw a flash or what he thought was a flash in Jack's eyes.

'_He's bluffing'_ Hurley told himself. _'He's got nothing.' _

"I'm in." Hurley said confidently. "And I'll raise you another two."

"You sure about that Hurley?" Marc said behind him.

"Yeah," Hurley said looking back at Jack. "He's bluffing."

"I'm out." Tony announced.

"Me too." Sayid threw down his cards. Marc had already bowed out.

Locke put down his cards. "High card jack."

Hurley smiled. "Two pair." He announced putting down his cards to reveal a pair of 6s and a pair of Queens.

Jack looked down briefly before displaying his cards. "Sorry man. Straight King high."

Hurley looked down surprised. He had been so sure Jack was bluffing. "Damn it." He cursed as he watched Jack pulled the pile of chips towards him.

Marc laughed and placed a hand on the big man's shoulder. "Face it Hurley, you suck at reading people."

"I do not. It's just this guy has an impossible poker face." Hurley replied. "it must be all that doctor training."

Jack laughed and stood up stretching his arms. "Deal me out of the next one guys, I'm gonna eat." He walked over to the breakfast bar where Marc was standing eating another slice of pizza.

"You need to give us a chance to win back some of that." Sayid said.

"I will." Jack replied slicing off a piece of the hoagie sandwich and throwing it on a plate with some chips.

As Sayid prepared the deck and started dealing out the next hand Tony's cell phone beeped indicating he had just received a text message.

"Ah, must be one of the many women in Mr. Miranda's fan club." Marc teased.

Tony looked down at his phone and punched up the message. "Micki." He said and smiled.

"Would that be Micki with an "I" or an "E-Y?" Locke joked.

"Definitely with an "I" Tony laughed. "And totally hot; Long black hair, deep blue eyes and these incredibly long legs. We met at a club a few days ago."

"Figures" Hurley turned to the handsome young man. "Tell me dude, do you even really have to try? Or do you just walk in somewhere with your fireman t-shirt and wait for them to swarm?"

"Hey! Come on! It's not like that." Marc interjected.

"Yeah, right and women don't flock to buy your guys' calendar." He retorted.

Marco looked over at Tony who simply shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, so maybe there are some women who find our profession interesting." He conceded.

"Interesting. Oh that's a good word for it." Sayid joked.

"Oh come on now, I've been turned down before." Tony said.

"Really, by who a lesbian?" Hurley deadpanned. Sayid, Locke and Jack laughed.

Marc turned to his best friend. "A little help here."

"What?" Jack smirked. "I can't defend the truth."

"Oh really?" Marc replied matching his smirk. "Like you've never used the 'I'm a surgeon' line."

Jack blushed as he took a long drink of his beer. "Maybe…once…or twice." He commented.

"That's you'll admit to." Marc replied knowingly. "Remember who was your wingman."

The rest of the room erupted in laughter this time at Jack's expense.

"I think you've got that turned around." Jack shot back.

"Well," Hurley added. "I do remember a certain golf challenge on a certain island with a certain brunette that the line 'Kate, I'm a doctor' was spoke to explain his expertise in golf."

Shooting Hurley a look Jack shook his head and headed back to the table. "Aren't we suppose to be playing poker?"

A couple of hands later John broke the silence. "So, Tony, you gonna ask this Micki out?"

Tony broke out into a grin. "Actually, she just asked me…for later tonight. More of a 'booty call' if you know what I mean."

Marc threw a chip at his friend. "You do realize you're making us look bad?"

"What?" Tony replied. "I didn't call it that." He pulled out his phone and handed it to the light brown haired man. "She text messaged me the words 'booty call 1am'"

Marc grabbed the phone and looked at the small screen before looking up at the rest of the table. "He's not kidding." He replied with a surprise tone in his voice. "It says 'booty call 1am – Micki."

"Unbelievable." Hurley mumbled.

"Never had a booty call, Hugo?" Locke teased.

"Nope." The big man replied. "You?"

"Can't say that was part of my generation." He replied.

"What about you Sayid?" Hurley asked the man sitting next to him.

"That's an American tradition, not Iraqi." Sayid replied cryptically. Hurley wasn't sure he was telling the whole truth.

"Don't bother asking Marc," Tony spoke up. "I can name names."

"But you won't if you know what's good for you." Marc replied quickly.

The men turned to Jack with a questioning look on their faces.

"So, Jack…"Hurley started.

Jack smiled and shook his head. "I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"Ah huh, so…fess up." Hurley nodded.

"No. I have not had any booty calls." Jack replied seriously.

Marc reached over and slapped Jack on this shoulder. "That's because Jackie boy believes in buying his booty calls dinner and sometimes breakfast." He teased.

Jack turned and glared at his oldest friend. "Remind me again why we're friends?"

Marc grinned. "Oh come on, you can't help it if you're a gentleman." He teased patting the dark haired man on the shoulder again. "Besides, women just love gentlemen doctors."

Jack gave Marc a serious stare. "You do realize fireman or not I can still kick your ass." He said slowly.

The man stared back as his friend for a moment before breaking off the eye contact and reaching for his beer. He cleared his throat. "Who's turn to deal?"

"Okay, here's a question." Tony announced a short time later as he threw his chips into the pot. "Which would you prefer…a woman who is great in bed or a woman who is a great conversationalist?"

"Excuse me?" Sayid asked not sure he heard the question right.

"I'm serious man." Tony took a swig of his beer. "Down the line…which is better?"

"Who says she can't be both?" Locke asked.

"Well, for the sake of this conversation she can't" Tony replied, a slight tone of frustration over the older man's need to be logical in his voice.

Marc chuckled. "I had that predicament once." He confessed. "You remember Claudia, my ex from a few years back, Jack?"

Jack nodded as he took a drink of his beer. "The manicurist."

"Yeah, she was a great talker, pretty, energetic…she could talk about all kinds of things, but man, in the bedroom…eh…" he gestured with his hand palm down side to side as if to indicate 'so-so'.

"And yet you dated her for two years." Jack pointed out.

"I thought I could teach her. You know bring out the passion." Marc replied. "Found out you really can't."

"That and you met Patrice." Jack said smirking.

Marc grinned. "Now talk about passion."

"Wrapped up around a boring personality." Jack added. The rest of the men laughed.

"There's an example of what I mean," Tony spoke up. "Which would you want…a woman who rocks your world in bed or someone who stimulates you intellectually and spiritually?"

"You can't spend all your time in bed." Locke pointed out. "I would think the good conversationalist would be better."

"I can't believe we're actually having this conversation." Sayid frowned.

"Dude, you don't think women don't sit around talking about us?" Hurley said.

Sayid looked over at him for a moment then nodded. "Good point."

"So?" Locked asked his partner. "What's your answer?"

Sayid looked down at his pile of chips for a moment almost as if he was contemplating. "I think in the long run I would want a woman who proves to be someone I can talk to and share with."

"Sex fades?" Hurley asked with an amused look on his face.

The Iraqui man laughed. "Not quite what I meant. I just think in the end being with a woman that can, as John said, stimulate you intellectually goes further to a satisfying relationship than a woman who is…" he paused looking for the right word.

"A ball of fire in the bedroom?" Tony offered.

"Not quite the way I would put it."

Hurley finished chewing on a piece of chicken before speaking up. "Okay, let me ask this…if there's no real spark in the…ah…bed…" he blushed slightly, "Wouldn't that mean, like, they'd be no attraction between you two?"

"Not really" Mark replied. "You could still be attracted."

"So what'd it be big man?" Tony asked. "Great sex or great talk?"

Hurley blushed again. He thought briefly of Starla, who he just recently started dating. They had been friends before and shared an interest in music and horro movies. "Great talk." He pronounced. "I can ignore the rest."

"Not if you've had it." Tony cracked.

"Hey!" Hurley shot back.

"What about you Jack?" Locke spoke up quickly hoping to cut off any chance of an argument. "What's your take on all this?" The rest of the group turned their attention to Jack.

Bowing his head down Jack ran his hand over his short hair. "I think you can be attracted to a certain woman on so many different levels – physically, spirituality, intellectually…that it all ends up making it a passionate relationship." He stated simply.

"And if the sex is mediocre?" Tony asked taking another drink of his beer.

"That's just the point, it wouldn't be. Not with the right woman." Jack explained. Marc smiled at his friend's words knowing exactly what…or specifically 'who' he was talking about.

"Jack's right." Marc spoke up. "There's no such thing as bad sex with the right woman. You just have to find her." He picked up the deck of cards to deal a new hand.

"And once you do, don't let her go." Jack added in a whisper that only Marc and Hurley heard.

TBC

**Upcoming chapter: A bad day for Jack leads to a phone call.**


	17. Ch 17 She's Got a Way With Me

**A/N:** **Thanks to everyone who takes the time to post a comment or review. I really do enjoy reading what you guys think – even if you're not too happy with the context of the story. And to the male reviewer who told me this suck that Jack would never turn his back on his child (glad to hear you're one of the good guys that puts his family first by the way) just a reminder – Jack has no clue he is going to be a father so therefore he hasn't turned his back on anyone. Give the guy a break – haha. Anyway, here's the next update – hope you guys like it – as always let me know – lots of reviews may mean a faster update posting. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "She's got a Way With Me" sung by Billy Currington. **

**Chapter 17 – She's Got A Way With Me **

**_It's a gentle touch, but more than enough  
She can stop this ole world from spinnin' too much  
It's a natural thing and I do believe  
I found my reason to be_ **

_Chorus  
She's got a way with me  
She's got a way with me_

_I'm not the same man since she's been around  
There's more to this life, I've suddenly found  
I look at myself now so differently  
It's her love that brings me peace_

_Chorus  
She's got a way with me  
She's got a way with me_

_Whatever it is, I'll always be under her spell  
She'll always be all I'll ever need  
I could search the whole world  
And I know I'd never find  
Someone perfect as her for me_

_Suddenly it's something  
You just can't live without  
Oh, you know you found love  
Beyond any doubt  
With a simple man's words  
I can never convey all that I feel when I say_

_Chorus  
She's got a way with me  
She's got a way with me_

Jack tiredly jumped into his jeep in the quiet hospital parking lot. He had just finished an overnight rotation in the ER, covering for another colleague. He was tired and emotionally drained. He had helped work a 3 car collision involving a family of 6 in one of the vehicles, along with 4 other victims in the other two cars. Jack had worked on a 4 year old little boy who was taken up to surgery to repair a ruptured spleen and broken ankle. Shortly after finishing up the surgery he had learned that only the husband and the 4 year old had survived.

Feeling bad Jack had sat with the child, Leo, for a couple of hours after watching him laying in the hospital bed with tubes stuck in him, machines humming and beeping as they monitored his vitals. As he watched the little boy Jack though about how when Leo woke up he would learn that his mother, sisters and grandmother were gone. There was still a chance his father wouldn't make it either – when Jack has last checked he was in the intensive care unit. His heart broke as he thought of the idea that this little 4 year old boy could face growing up alone.

Did he have any other family?

Would he be subjected to going through the foster care system hoping to be adopted? Would he be a lucky one or one that would end up falling through the cracks?

And even then would he grow up missing his mother's warm hug or playing with his sisters? As he drove he flashed back to earlier that morning sitting by Leo's bed holding the child's hand and softly promising they would do everything they could to help his father pull through. He didn't know if Leo heard him but Jack felt it necessary to tell him anyway…to let him know that he had someone looking out for him and that it would be okay. When it had gotten to be too much Jack had quietly left the room and slipped out of the hospital – his shift long over.

Going through a drive through he got some coffee and then drove around for awhile not in a real hurry to go home. Sarah had a treatment scheduled for later that morning, but her friend Judy had offered to go with her to Jack could get some sleep. Still bothered by his young patient's situation Jack drove to the bookstore in hopes of seeing Kate. He felt a sudden need to just talk to her about what had happened the night before. She was good at listening and being able to say the right things. Or knowing when he just needed her to listen.

Walking in he looked around trying to locate Kate. After a moment he was disappointed to not spot her.

"Can I help you?" A tall blonde woman approached Jack smiling sweetly at the handsome man. He name tag read _'Donna'_.

"Actually, I was looking for Kate Austen." Jack replied returning her smile. "Is she here by chance?"

The blonde looked down at her watch. "She may be in the back. I think she's scheduled to start her shift in a little while. Let me go check." Leaving Jack by the counter Donna walked to the back stockroom. She saw Kate approaching. "Hey, Kate, there's this hottie out front to see you."

"I know." Kate said nervously. "Did you tell him I was here?"

"Well, I told him I thought you were back here getting ready to start your shift." Donna explained.

"Go back and tell him you were wrong." Kate said quickly.

"What?" Donna was taken aback. "Why?"

"Please, Donna, just do this for me, okay?" Kate pleaded. "Tell him you read the schedule wrong or something and I'm off today."

Donna's face displayed the confusion she felt over her co-worker's unusual behavior. "Okay," she said slowly. "But you know, if you're passing up that good looking guy can I have him?"

"No!" Kate barked. "Just tell him I'm not here and leave him alone." She warned.

Donna smirked and made her way back to Jack. "I'm sorry," she shrugged her shoulders. "I guess she's not here after all. I must have read the schedule wrong."

Jack's face fell in disappointment and Donna felt bad for lying. "Oh, okay." He said softly. "Well, thanks for checking." He added before turning and leaving the store.

Kate watched him leave partially hidden by a bookshelf. Her heart pained as he exited the store, a part of her wanting to follow and catch up. Small flutters tickled her abdomen. "I know." Kate whispered as she patted her expanding bump. "I wanted to see him too, but we can't. Not now. Not like this." The fluttering got a little stronger as if the baby was protesting. Kate took a couple of deep breaths and rubbed her tummy a little more before turning and going back into the stockroom. She was due to start her shift in a half hour.

A few minutes later Kate heard her cell phone ring. Pulling it out of her purse she looked at the display _'Jack.'_ Hesitating for just a second she flipped open the phone.

"Hey" She greeted.

"Hey" he replied on the other end. "It's me."

Kate nodded even if he couldn't see her. "How are you?" she asked softly.

"I've been better." He said truthfully. "I wend by the store to see you but you weren't there."

"Yeah, it's my day off." She lied hating herself for doing it when he obviously had something bothering him. "What's wrong? You sound tired?" She asked concerned remembering the worn look on his face from earlier.

"I worked a late ER rotation."

"Was it bad?" She asked her voice low, already figuring the answering.

"Yeah, "he said softly feeling a rush of emotion thinking about the little boy lying alone in the hospital room.

"Oh honey, what happened?" Kate asked, her concern growing as she heard how tired and broken his voice sounded.

"We had a bad car accident come in. There was a family in one of the cars." He stopped for a moment to take a breath. Kate stayed quiet. "The mom, grandmother and the two daughters didn't make it."

"Oh Jack." She gasped. "How awful."

"Yeah, I know." He replied. "I worked on the son – a little boy, Leo, who's four. His leg was badly crushed and I had to repair the main artery plus his spleen was ruptured so I had to remove it."

"Wow, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's going to recover." Jack told her. "He'll probably need some physical therapy, but he's so young he'll bounce back pretty quickly."

"Well, that's good." Kate replied softly. She wasn't sure what else to say but figured he just wanted to get all of this off his chest.

"But his dad's in ICU and he's pretty badly hurt. He might not make it and if he doesn't, Katie, Leo's going to be all alone." Jack surmised.

"You don't know that for sure. His dad could make it. And I'm sure he has other family out there." Kate pointed out noticing that he had called her _Katie_, something he had just started doing off and on before they broke up. '_He probably didn't even noticed._' She thought to herself.

"I hope so." Jack replied not quite convinced.

Kate's hand unconsciously was rubbing her stomach as she talked on the phone. "Jack, he hasn't lost his dad yet. There's still a chance."

"I know." He replied in a hushed tone then stayed silent for a moment. "I was just thinking about what he's lost already. It's not fair, you know, to be that little and lose so much of your family. He needs his mom…and his sisters…It's hard enough when you're an adult."

A flash of Diane's face appeared in Kate's mind. "Yeah, it is." She matched his hush tone. "It shouldn't have happened. But you've just got to think that his dad will make it and Leo will have him."

Jack took a deep breath. "You're right." He sighed. "Hey, listen I hope you're not upset that I called."

Kate was taken aback by his sudden change of subject. "What? No, why?"

"Well, it's just that…"

"Jack, no!" She interrupted. "I'm not upset. You had a bad night and you just needed to talk."

"I really…I just needed to _talk to you_." He confessed. "To tell you what happened."

"I know." She whispered a part of her happy to know that he had needed her.

"But..."Jack cleared his throat. "You don't want to see me face to face."

Kate felt a lump welt up in her throat. She knew he was tired and vulnerable and if not for the baby she probably would have agreed to meet him, comfort him, especially since she wanted to see him as much as he did her.

"Kate?" Jack spoke again when she stayed silent, hoping her lack of response meant she had changed her mind. "Can we meet?"

Swallowing hard she shook her head. "No." She said in a hushed tone knowing she was hurting him. "I can't."

"You won't" he replied angrily.

"No, I can't!" She retorted. "It's too hard to see you. I want to , but when I do I don't want you to leave."

"So?" He said frustrated. "I don't want to leave either."

"But you have to leave Jack, we both know that."

"Why?" Jack replied knowing the answer but at the moment refusing to think about it – his desire to get lost in Kate's arms and forget last night's events overtaking his logical thinking.

"You're married Jack." She said simply and softly. "We can't keep doing this, it's not right."

"Not being able to see you is not right." He shot back angry that she was putting up such a fight. He knew she wanted to see him, he could hear it in her voice. He just couldn't understand why she was fighting him.

"I can't be the other woman." She whispered.

He couldn't believe she just said that. There was no way she was the _other woman_. As far as he was concerned she was the only woman. "That's crazy, Kate."

"No, it' not. As far as the people at the hospital think, as far as Sarah's friends think you two are in a real marriage and it would look like you're having an affair. I don't want that…especially not with the hospital administration." She retorted.

Jack let out a deep sigh. He realized that she was making a valid point as much as he hated to think about it. If it got around that he was seeing, who his co-workers thought was his ex-girlfriend, administration would frown on it. Sure other doctors did it, but other doctors weren't Jack Shepard. Other doctors didn't have to deal with being Christian Shepard's son and all that that brought. Other doctors weren't being pushed to be the "face" of the hospital to be brought out at fund raisers and charity events. And he thought of Sarah – she didn't deserve to be the source of gossip among the staff especially since she was going to that hospital for her chemo treatments. She had enough to deal with and Jack knew it was important to her pride to keep up appearances.

"I'm sorry, " he finally said regretfully. "I didn't mean to pressure you."

"Yes, you did." Kate scolded him still stinging from his outburst.

Jack let out another sigh. "It's just that I want to see you and it gets hard not to be able to."

"I know," Kate replied in a hushed tone. "I get that way too, but it's not for forever, Jack. We'll get through this." She touched her stomach. "All of this and we'll be together again."

"Just keep telling me that next time I call." He tried to joke

"Sure." Kate said in such a soft voice she wasn't sure Jack heard her.

"I should probably let you go." Jack concluded.

"Yeah, you probably need to get some sleep still." Kate guessed.

Jack smiled to himself. "That's just what I'm going to do so you don't have to nag." He teased.

"I don't nag Jack!" She shot back a small smile coming to her lips thinking about their last discussion about this.

"Of course not." He continued to teased, trying to lighten the mood and get away from their argument.

"I don't." She pouted.

"Night, baby." Jack laughed before clicking off the phone. He didn't want to give her another chance to protest.

Kate meanwhile sat on the couch a couple of minutes longer thinking about Jack's visit and phone call. She had lucked out and spotted him when he first came into the store but what if she wasn't so lucky the next time? And knowing Jack she knew that there would be a next time despite her pleas about not seeing each other in person. He would want to see her again and come by the store or her apartment and end up coming face to face with a pregnant Kate. She couldn't risk that, she thought to herself. She knew he'd want to be with her and the baby and Sarah would be left to face her cancer alone. Kate wouldn't let that happened. Sarah wouldn't end up like her mother alone in a hospital room.

Getting up from the couch she wiped her moist eyes with the back of her hand, smoothed out her clothes and went out to the front of the store to start her shift. It was a long day for Kate with thoughts of Jack never far from her mind. By the end of her work day Kate knew what she had to do.

"I'm leaving town." Kate announced to a shocked Carrie and Sawyer when she arrived at her apartment a short time later.

"You're what?" Carrie managed to ask.

Kate could feel her emotions starting to churn up. "I'm leaving L.A. for awhile." She said.

"You're kidding?"

"Nope."

"Why?" Carrie asked noticing Kate's anxious demeanor.

"Because I just need a break, I need to get away for awhile." Kate replied weakly. The conversation with Jack earlier had been more draining on her than she originally thought – and it didn't help that she had continued to spend the day overanalyzing the whole situation.

"A break from what?" Sawyer spoke up. "What happened, Freckles?"

The brunette walked over and sat down on the couch tugging at her oversized shirt trying to get comfortable. "Jack came into the store this morning looking for me."

"Did he see you?" Carrie asked anxiously.

"Obviously not, if she's here alone." Sawyer concluded watching as Kate fiddled with her hands – her baby bump sticking out underneath just a bit. "So, what happened?" he asked when she still hadn't spoken up.

"I was able to hide in the back and I had Donna tell him it was my day off."

"Well, then, no big deal…" Carrie started to say.

"It is a big deal!" Kate snapped. "He called me a little while later. He had a bad night in the ER and he wanted to talk. He needed to talk." Kate felt her throat tighten up.

"So you talked?" Sawyer asked. "On the phone?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded her head. "And it was a good talk, but then he started asking about seeing each other and how he missed me. I told him no, but…"

"But?" Sawyer raised an eyebrow. "But what Freckles?"

"But it was hard." Kate admitted. "I wanted to say yes. I wanted to see him too." She squeaked out.

"So why don't you then?" Sawyer asked simply. He still didn't get it.

Kate shot him a look before shaking her head and pointing at the obvious – her belly. "That's why I have to leave…because next time I may run into him. I know he's going to go by there again or he'll come by here and then things…"

"Things will be the way they should be – he'll know." Sawyer interrupted.

Kate felt tears spring up at his words. "Sawyer, please." She sighed.

"I'm just saying, Freckles, you know how I feel about this whole secret thing."

"And I thought as my friend you offered to support me." She angrily wiped at a tear escaping down her cheek. The last thing she needed was Sawyer trying to bully her again into telling Jack.

Carrie sat down next to her and gently smoothed her hair. "Of course we're here to support you." She glared briefly at Sawyer as if to say _'back off'_. "I just don't see why you want to leave town."

"I need a little distance between us, so I don't have to worry about running into him." Kate explained. "It's too much to deal with."

"And you don't think he's not going to go and try and find you?" Sawyer asked trying to soften his tone still angry at himself for making her more upset.

"Not if he realizes it's not permanent." She reasoned. "I'll only be gone until maybe the baby is born."

"And then what, Freckles? You gonna hide the baby from him?" Sawyer asked.

"No, but a lot could change in four months." She said solemnly. "Besides, for now this is what I need to do. I need to get away."

Carrie glanced over briefly at Sawyer again who shrugged his shoulders in response. "So, where are you going?" She asked.

Kate shrugged her shoulders and took a deep breath. "I'm not sure. I thought I'd go to San Diego and stay with my dad for a couple of weeks or so and then figure things out from there."

"So, in other words, you got no plan." The Southerner commented.

"Sawyer, please, stop it!" Kate spit out.

"What? I'm just saying you come in here and announce you're leaving town, but other than a visit with your daddy you got no idea about a job or a place to live." He pointed out. "I mean it's not like you're traveling alone."

Kate sighed. She knew that Sawyer was right. She was doing what she used to do – run with no real plan or idea. But unlike her old self she had somebody else to think about…somebody that was depending on her. She needed to know she'd have a warm place to live and regular meals to eat, not mention access to a doctor. Maybe leaving wasn't such a hot idea after all.

Suddenly Sawyer cleared his throat drawing Kate out of her thoughts. She looked up at the handsome blonde man who looked back at her with a hint of nervousness in his eyes. "So…listen…Freckles…if you 're all fired up to leave town, can I make…a suggestion?"

"What?"

He took a deep breath. "How about moving to Vegas…with me?"

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Sawyer lays out his offer…_**


	18. Ch 18 Viva Las Vegas

**A/N:** Here is the next installment. Sorry for the delay. I've had this chapter written out I just hadn't been able to sit down and type it out. Plus, I wanted to delay a little bit in posting this for you Jaters because Sawyer is in this chapter and I know some are a little sensitive with him right now. This is a short chapter but I ended it where I needed to. As always let me know what you guys think. I'll be posting the next installment probably in the next week…of course if I get feedback!

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song Viva Las Vegas sung by many but sung by Elvis Presley the best. **

**Chapter 18 – VIVA LAS VEGAS**

_**Bright light city gonna set my soul  
Gonna set my soul on fire  
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,  
So get those stakes up higher  
There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there  
And they're all livin' devil may care  
And I'm just the devil with love to spare  
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas **_

_**How I wish that there were more  
Than the twenty-four hours in the day  
'Cause even if there were forty more  
I wouldn't sleep a minute away  
Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel  
A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal  
All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel  
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas **_

_**Viva Las Vegas with you neon flashin'  
And your one armbandits crashin'  
All those hopes down the drain  
Viva Las Vegas turnin' day into nighttime  
Turnin' night into daytime  
If you see it once  
You'll never be the same again **_

_**I'm gonna keep on the run  
I'm gonna have me some fun  
If it costs me my very last dime  
If I wind up broke up well  
I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time  
I'm gonna give it ev'rything I've got  
Lady luck please let the dice stay hot  
Let me shout a seven with ev'ry shot  
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas,  
Viva, Viva Las Vegas **_

"What?!" Both Carrie and Kate exclaimed at the same time.

"You can move with me to Vegas." Sawyer repeated.

"You're moving to Vegas?" Carrie was in shock. This was definitely news to her.

"Possibly, my company's got a job starting up there and they asked me to go up there…and head up a crew." He explained. Though he made it sound like he had been thinking about the offer, truth was he was going to pass until the idea of Kate needing a place to go came up. "So, what'd you say Freckles, you wanna tackle Sin City with me?"

"Are you serious?" Kate asked, still surprised over hearing the proposition. "Vegas?"

"Sure, why not?" Sawyer smirked. "Good a place as any to move to. Busy city with plenty of opportunity. Should be easy enough for you to land a job. Hell, you could probably work as a cocktail waitress…you could always balance the tray on that baby bump of yours." He joked.

Kate rolled her eyes then smirked. "Very funny." Her face became serious again. "But really, it's probably not a good idea."

"Why not?" He challenged. "You just said you want to get away, well, here's your chance…and you don't have to do it alone."

Kate mulled over the idea for a moment. It didn't sound like a bad idea actually – Vegas was a growing town – she'd probably find a job pretty quick, though cocktail waitress was definitely out. And with all that activity it would probably be a good distraction and she wouldn't be alone…wait what was she thinking? Leaving town with Sawyer? Jack would have a fit. '_Of course it's not up to him_' she thought to herself. And she knew that she had to leave – being here was getting to be too much. "I guess it's as good a place as any." She said softly.

Sawyer smiled. "Well, then…"

"So, when were you planning on telling me you were offered a job out of town?" Carrie interrupted trying to keep her anger out of her voice. Truth be told she was hurt as she stood there listening to the two of them making plans to move out of town together like she wasn't even in the room, like she didn't matter. She knew Kate's mind was somewhat occupied but Sawyer? She had at least expected a heads up.

Sawyer turned his attention to the pretty red head. "I hadn't decided to take it." He stated plainly.

"But you could have mentioned the offer." Carrie pointed out hating how her voice had a slight shrill to it. She just couldn't believe Sawyer just up and decided to move when Kate mentioned leaving town. Where did that leave them? _'No where I guess' _she thought.

Kate suddenly felt uncomfortable so she stood up. "I think I'm going to get something to drink." She walked out to the kitchen.

Sawyer looked over at Carrie and recognized the hurt look in her eyes. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking about telling her about the job offer. "Look, Red, they only offered me the job a couple of days ago and I hadn't really had a chance to tell you." He tried to explain.

"But it sounds like you already made the decision." Carrie retorted. "Just like that."

Sawyer sighed. "It seems like a good solution. I mean if Kate wants to leave she shouldn't go alone – especially not while she's pregnant."

"You don't think she can take care of herself?" Carrie inquired still not buying his explanation.

"Nah, Freckles can handle herself with the best of them. But this whole situation is strange to begin with – what with Doc not really in the picture right now – she can use some friends." He explained.

Carrie nodded her head trying to cover up the hurt she felt that Sawyer seemed to be putting Kate ahead of her and their relationship. She blinked back tears. "So, ahum…where does that leave us?"

Before Sawyer could answer Kate came back into the living room munching on a bowl of potato chips. "I'm just going to grab my book and go to my room." She said walking over to the coffee table.

"That's okay." Carrie said quickly. "What did you decide?"

Kate looked briefly from one to the other before resting her gaze on Sawyer. "You sure?" She asked. He nodded. "Well then, I guess we're going to Vegas." She said with a small smile.

Sawyer grinned. "Alright then."

Kate turned to Carried and noticed how quiet she had been through most of this. She hadn't realized until that moment how Carrie must be feeling. She was losing her boyfriend and her friend in one swoop. Kate suddenly got an idea.

"Carrie, wanna come with?" she offered.

"What?" Carrie asked surprised.

"Come to Vegas with me…with us." Kate suggested.

"You serious?" Carrie wasn't sure she heard Kate right.

"Sure, why not?" Kate said getting more excited by the idea as she thought about it.

"I don't know." The red head replied reluctantly. She looked over at Sawyer trying to gauge his feeling on this offer, but came up empty.

"Oh come on, it's not like the job at the bookstore is a career move for either one of us." Kate reached over and took her friend's hand. "And I really could use you there." She turned and looked at Sawyer. "Come on Saywer, tell Carrie she should come with us."

Sawyer looked over at Kate and saw how important this was to her. "Sure, why not? The more the merrier." He replied.

Carrie looked down at Kate's hand that was still holding onto her hand, squeezing it gently as if trying to convince her. "I don't know." She said again, tears threatening to fall. Kate was probably the closest friend she had and the thought of her leaving was upsetting.

"Please Carrie, you've got to come. I need you to come. I mean who's going to help me shave my legs or paint my toenails when I get too big to see my feet." Kate was now getting choked up as well.

"Ain't gonna be me that's for sure." Sawyer chimed in causing both girls to laugh despite their tears. "Come on Red."

"Baby's going to need their favorite aunt." Kate pleaded with a smile.

Carrie took a deep breath then smiled as she brushed a tear away. She nodded. "Okay," she said in a lowered voice.

"You're coming?" Kate asked looking for confirmation.

"Yeah, " she laughed. "Why not? I can't have you two have all the fun in Vegas now can I?"

So it was decided they would move in two weeks. Carrie and Kate gave their notice at the store, their manager accepting it with only minor grumbling about losing two of his best employees at the same time. Kate still wanted to go to San Diego and spend some time with her father before going on to Vegas. Sawyer's company had several houses in the suburb of Henderson available for their employees to rent at a discount so the next weekend he and Carrie flew up to select one. Kate stayed behind and started packing up the apartment. She also used the time to work up the courage to make the phone call to Jack to let him know she was leaving. That call was going to be the hardest she's had to made and truth be told she had no idea what she was going to say.

TBC

Upcoming chapter: The phone call of course!


	19. Ch 19 Y Tu Te Vas

_**A/N:** Thanks everybody for the reviews – as always I enjoy reading what you guys think. If I haven't said this before this story is kind of long and we really haven't gotten into the really good stuff yet that I have planned. As chapters come up I will be jumping timelines, but I'll try and explain where we are (story wise) as we go along._

_The song I titled this chapter after is going for more of Jack's POV with what Kate tells him. I thought it hit the nail on the head pretty good. It's recorded in Spanish but of course I included the English translation._

_Again let me know what you think. And I hope to bring in more Losties (namely Claire and Charlie soon – they will play more of a role in this story and perhaps another cameo by Sun and/or Jin – I'm not sure yet.)_

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "Y Tu Te Vas" sung by Chayanne.**

**Chapter 19 – Y Tu Te Vas (And You Leave)**

**I never imagined life without you**

_Nunca imagine la vida sin ti_

**Everything that I planned, you were always there**

_En todo lo que me planlee simper estabas tu_

**Only you know who I am**

_Solo tu sabes bien quien soy_

**Where I came from, where I am going**

_De done vengo y a donde voy_

**I have never lied to you, never hidden anything from you**

_Nunca te he mentido, nunca te he escondido nada_

**You always had me when you need me**

_Siempre me tuviste cuande me necesitabas_

**No one will know better than you**

_Nadie major que tu sabra_

**I gave everything that I had**

_Que di todo lo que pude dar_

**And now you are leaving**

_Y ahora tu te vas_

**Just like nothing**

_Asi como si nada_

**Cutting my life short **

_Acortandome la vida_

**Looking down**

_Agachando la mirada_

**And you leave, and I get lost in the nothingness**

_Y tu te vas y yo me pierdo entre la nada_

**Where are your words**

_Donde quedan las palabras_

**And the love that you promised me**

_Y el amor que me jurabas_

**If you leave**

_Si tu te vas_

**If I have failed you**

_Si es que te he fallado_

**Tell me how and when**

_Dime como y cuando ha sido_

**If you have grown tired of me**

_Si es que te has cansado_

**And now you forget about me**

_Y hora me echas al olvido_

**There will be no one else that will love you**

_No habra nadie que te amar_

**Like I could of loved you**

_Asi como yo te puedo amar_

**As much as I look for a reason I can not find one**

_Por mas que busco no encuentro razon_

**As much as I try, I can not forget**

_Por mas que intento no puedo olvidar_

**You are like a burning flame**

_Eres como una llama que arde_

**In the deepest part of my heart**

_En el fondo de mi corazon_

Kate waited until Monday morning to call him figuring that he would be in his office working on paperwork. Jack rarely scheduled surgeries on Mondays and Fridays.

"Dr. Shepard." He answered the office phone with a crisp business tone.

"Hey, it's me." She said softly.

"Hey." Jack's voice instantly softened as the recognition of her voice. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay." She replied rubbing her expanding stomach as she spoke. "And you?"

"Okay. Just buried in patient reports – it's that time of the month." He joked. "Plus I've got some evaluations due."

"Comes with the territory I guess." She teased. When he returned to work after the rescue Jack had been put in charge of the surgical intern program as well as being an Associate to the Chief of Surgery, a job he told Kate he was taking because he wanted to honor his father. "Hey, how's your patient doing? That little boy?"

"Leo?" Jack smiled happy that Kate had remembered. "He's doing better. Chatting up a storm with the nurses in the Peds ward."

"And with you, I'm sure, when you visit him every day."

Jack chuckled. "What makes you think it's every day?"

"Because I know how you are with your special patients." She told him. "You look after them extra, so I know you're down there checking on him every day."

"Yeah, well…" Jack admitted. "I do stop by to see how his leg is doing."

"Ah huh." She replied. "Are you nagging him yet?"

"Hey! It thought we had established that I don't nag. I give medical advice." He retorted.

"I remember you making some weak argument" she joked enjoying the light hearted tone of the conversation and not really wanting to rush to end it.

"Weak?" Jack shot back enjoying the banter as well. "I thought I made a valid point and some good examples to back it up."

"Ah huh, sure…but you still nag." She concluded.

Shaking his head Jack smiled into the phone realizing that he wasn't going to win this argument. "So, is that the only reason you called? To remind me I supposedly nag?"

Kate frowned on the other end of the phone. Even though she had tried planning this out now that the moment was here she didn't know where to start.

Jack became concerned by the sudden silence. "Kate, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"No, no, I'm fine…really." She said quickly. "It's just that…

"You don't sound really fine." Jack replied. "What's wrong?"

Taking a deep breath Kate decided to just go ahead and say it straight out. There was no other way to really do it. "Jack, I'm leaving town for a little while."

"You're what?" he blurted out, not sure he heard correctly.

"I'm going to leave L.A. for a while…to get away from things…" She started to explain.

"Get away from things or get away from me?" Jack interrupted.

"That's not it." She lied. "Things have just been so stressful and it's hard being here knowing that you're…" She didn't feel like saying the word 'married'.

"I know it is." His voice softened a bit. "It's hard for me too, but that doesn't mean that you should leave."

"It's not forever Jack." She replied swallowing back the start of tears. 'Damn hormones' she thought but knew it wasn't the hormones but her heart causing the tears.

"Then for how long, Kate?" He demanded starting to get upset over what was transpiring.

"I'm not sure, but it's just for a little while." She reasoned. "Just for a break."

"How long?" He asked against, this time sounding more defeated than angry. He couldn't believe that she was leaving town just like that. A part of him understood and had almost always feared this – Kate's old instinct was too run when she felt threatened – he just thought that they had gotten past that…that Kate had lost her need or want to run.

Kate thought about the fact that the baby wasn't due for another 4 months – was she really going to be able to stay away for that long? And then what? "A couple of months or so." She finally answered trying to find a time frame that might not upset Jack as much. Two months sounded good – sounded like she was just taking a breather.

"Where are you going?"

Kate pulled at a strand of hair laying on her shoulder. "I thought I'd go stay with my dad for a little while…I haven't really gotten time with him since we…since we got back."

"I'm sure Sam would like that." Jack let out a breath. Maybe this wasn't so bad.

"Carrie and I…we're…we were thinking of going to check out Las Vegas after." She explained, purposely leaving out any mention of Sawyer –the conversation was hard enough.

"You're moving to Vegas?" Jack asked incredulously. This wasn't sounding like a short break from things like she was telling him. "Why?"

"It's a fun town, Jack." She replied almost sound patronizing. "A good place to get distracted."

"Maybe, but I thought you said it was only for a couple of months. Packing up and moving sounds more…permanent." He spit out.

"It's not permanent." She insisted the tears brimming in her eyes. "I'm coming back"

"Really?" He shot back. "I'm suppose to believe that? After everything, after you refuse to see me and now you're telling me you're leaving town."

"Jack…I love you." She cried out, not knowing what else to say.

"Well, this is a hell of a way to show it!"

"Don't say that!" She pleaded. "This has nothing to do with me not loving you. If anything it's because I love you that I need to get away for a little while!"

"Kate…"

"No!" Kate interrupted angrily. "You don't get to doubt that I love you. But it's hard, Jack. It's hard to talk to you on the phone and not be able to see you in person. It's hard going to one of our favorite places and not look around to see if maybe you're there and hoping at the same time that you're not!" She wiped at her tears angrily. "I don't like to see that ring on your finger and know that I'm not wearing a matching one…"She stopped and took a deep breath.

Jack sighed but didn't say anything for a moment. The pain he heard in her voice was cutting into his heart. He knew it wasn't fair to question her love for him, but he couldn't understand why she was doing this and he wasn't sure what to say next.

"Jack?" Kate finally said quietly after she had regained a bit of her composure.

"You're going whether I'm good with this or not, aren't you?" He finally asked.

Kate took a deep breath. "Yes, but I'd rather you were good with it." She admitted.

"I don't want you to leave." He said plainly, the hurt clearly in his voice.

"I know."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were running away, Kate." He said. "I thought we were past that."

Kate felt her cheeks get hot. "And if I didn't know better Jack, I'd think you're trying to end this in an argument."

"You're the one leaving." He shot back.

"And all I was asking for is some understanding about what I've been going through, but I guess it was too much to hope for." She replied angrily. "Goodbye Jack."

"Kate!" She heard him yell as she was getting ready to hang up.

"No! There's nothing else to say." She replied. "You've made it clear how you feel."

"What did you expect that I would be happy with you leaving town?" he asked her, his tone pained.

"No," she softened her voice, matching the hurt he felt. "But I thought you would understand that I need to get away from this whole situation…just for a little while. Please, Jack, just try and understand." She pleaded close to tears again. "I need you to understand."

Jack felt bad hearing her pleading for his understanding. She needed him to tell her that he wouldn't be mad at her for leaving, that he knew it was okay for her to leave him for a short time. He just wasn't sure that he could do that. He didn't want her to leave – it seemed so final to him if she did. But he also knew that Kate wasn't asking for permission, she was going to do what he wanted with or without his support.

"Jack, please…say something." Kate said softly. She couldn't stand the way this conversation was turning out and she was desperately trying to turn it around.

"Make sure you take care of yourself." He said quietly, his tone flat.

Kate felt a lump form in her throat. She wasn't sure how to take his tone or this statement. "So…ahum…you're going to be okay with this?" she asked tentatively.

"No, Kate, I'm not okay with you leaving." He said honestly. "It's the last thing I want. I mean, you promised me if I did this with Sarah that I wouldn't lose you…that we'd be together after. And now you turn around and tell me you're leaving. How can I be okay with that?" he blurted out feeling himself getting angry and frustrated again.

"You're not losing me." Kate insisted.

"Feels that way to me." He retorted. "Look Kate, if you can't deal with all of this stress than I can end it right now. I'll file for divorce this afternoon and we can be back home together tonight."

Kate choked back a sob. A part of her wanted to say, 'okay' but she couldn't. She wasn't even sure herself these days all why she continued this, but she had to finish it – they had to. "You can't do that, Jack." She simply stated.

He sighed deeply. "Then don't leave, Kate." He challenged. "Look I know it's hard and I get crazy about the whole thing too, but maybe it wouldn't be so hard if we talked to each other…saw each other."

Kate shook her head. "No, it wouldn't help, it would make it worse…to be with you and then have you leave – no, I can't, it's too hard."

"So, instead, you're just going to leave all together so you don't have to face any of this?" He threw back at her.

"Damn it Jack, it's not forever!" She snapped back. "Why can't you just understand?"

Jack stayed silent on the other end. He really wanted to tell her that he didn't get it because he didn't understand running from his problems, but he knew that would only hurt her and she'd not only hang up but probably leave furious at him.

On Kate's end she could hear his breathing and thought he was probably deciding what to say next. She knew she was hurting him and she hated herself for it. Jack was too good of a guy for that.

"So, when are you leaving?" He finally said, defeat evident in his voice.

"In a few days." She replied surprised by his question. "I'm driving down to my dad's house in San Diego."

Another moment of silence followed. "You…ahum…probably should take the car to the mechanic to make sure it's ready for the trip. I'll call and let him know you're coming in." He said.

"Jack, you don't have to…"

"I know, but I want to." He replied. "He should check out the tires. They should be okay, but it's better to be safe and replace them if they have too much wear."

"Okay." Kate said, a small smile crossing her face. He might be mad at her but he was still taking care of her.

"Are you sure about this Katie?" He asked softly, his voice registering resignation.

'_No!' _Kate's inner voice cried out silently. _'I'm not sure about anything I'm doing!'_ Taking a deep breath she nodded into the phone. "Yeah," she said in a hushed tone.

He paused before speaking again. "Just remember your promise." He told her.

Kate smiled. "I do and I'll keep it." She promised, her fingers gently rolling over the bracelet he had given her that she wore all the time.

"Good…look I've got to go. They just paged me." Jack's voice had a crack of emotion and he wanted to get off the phone before it got worse. "You call me and let me know about things?" He added hopefully.

"Okay." She replied. "And Jack…"

"I love you Kate." He interrupted.

"I love you too Jack. Always." She replied.

Hanging up the phone Jack sighed deeply. He had lied about the page, he just didn't want to fall apart on her. The idea of her leaving the city and leaving him was eating away at him, but he knew he couldn't stop her.

Reaching into one of his desk drawers he pulled out a framed picture of Kate he kept there. He had hidden it away after marrying Sarah to avoid any office gossips instead he replaced it with a photo of group after the rescue.

Looking at the photo he smiled despite the tears brimming in his eyes. It was a picture he had taken of Kate on one of their days at the beach. She was sitting on a rock with the surf as a back drop. Her hair loose and wavy over her shoulders, she was wearing a long white sweater over a small white tank suit and denim shorts. He remembered how her smile had turned into a laugh when he kept coaxing her to pose like a super model and she had mocked posed titling her hair slightly back and her arm lifting her hair up at her heck.

"We had a really good time that day" He told himself remembering how they chased each other along the shoreline, even tossing a Frisbee back and forth and ending it with a picnic by one of the fire pits that lined the beach.

Staring at the picture once more he made up his mind. He wasn't going to chase after Kate. She made the decision to leave and it was going to be up to her to come back to him.

TBC

_**Upcoming chapter: Kate visits dad.**_


	20. Ch 20 My Little Girl

_A/N: Okay, here's the next installment. I'm jumping ahead in the timeline in bits and pieces. I know that a lot of you guys are jumping up and down for a Jate reunion – it's coming, but these two have to go thru some things away from each other. But just remember neither is far from the other's thoughts. _

_Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "My Little Girl" sung by Tim McGraw. _

**CHAPTER 20 – MY LITTLE GIRL**

**Gotta hold on easy as I let you go.  
Gonna tell you how much I love you,  
though you think you already know.  
I remember I thought you looked like an angel wrapped in pink so soft and warm.  
You've had me wrapped around your finger since the day you were born. **

Chorus:  
Your beautiful baby from the outside in.  
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.  
Go on, take on this whole world.  
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl.

When you were in trouble that crooked little smile could melt my heart of stone.  
Now look at you, I've turned around and you've almost grown.  
Sometimes you're asleep I whisper "I Love You!" in the moonlight at your door.  
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More!".

**Someday, some boy will come and ask me for your hand.  
But I won't say "yes" to him unless I know, he's the half  
that makes you whole, he has a poet's soul, and the heart of a man's man.  
I know he'll say that he's in love.  
But between you and me. He won't be good enough!**

_Dear Jack,_

_I am writing this from my dad's house. Like I told you I came to stay with him after I left L.A. It's been a very nice visit and I've felt more relaxed since I've gotten here. It's been a while since we've really spent time together and I think I forgot what it was like to be daddy's girl, though he was a bit surprised to see my pregnant belly – he knew about the baby but I guess it made it more really to see the bump. He keeps telling me that I remind him of Mom when she was pregnant with me though I just think he's being a bit nostalgic. And if it's possible he's been even more protective than I would imagine you would be. He's constantly asking me if I need to rest or put my feet up and making sure that I eat enough. But to tell you the truth it's nice._

_Being around him though made me realize I'm hoping this baby is a girl. It would be great to watch you dote on her and see how she ends up wrapping you around her finger. A pretty little girl with dark hair, your smile, your eyes maybe some freckles. I can just see you getting all worked up over her climbing that tree in the backyard._

_Or maybe if we have a boy he'll look just like you and want to grow up to be just like his dad. Either way Jack this baby is going to be very lucky – you're going to be an amazing father._

_I haven't found out what sex the baby is yet. My doctor in LA gave me a referral for a doctor in Vegas and I promised as soon as I get there I'd make an appointment. I wish you could be there, but that's not possible – not yet. I only hope that you won't be too disappointed or angry with me when the time comes._

_Baby is getting more active he or she is moving and pushing around and I seem to have to pee every 10 minutes. My dad has been taking walks with me after dinner and that seems to calm him or her down. I can't imagine how much more active baby will be when he or she can do full kicks. I'll probably have to walk marathons._

_I saw the cutest bassinette in a furniture magazine yesterday. I know I'm going to have to think about a nursery when I get up to Vegas, but I thought a bassinette would be nice to start out so I wouldn't have as much to bring with me back to LA when I come home…._

Kate heard the front door open and close and figured her father was home. Finished up her though in the baby book she closed the cover and slipped it into her tote bag before going out to the livingroom.

"Hi Daddy." She greeted cheerfully.

Sam smiled at his daughter as he glanced through the mail he had picked up on his way in. "Hi Sweetie, how are you two doing?"

"Fine, just like we were when you left this morning." She laughed patting her stomach.

Sam returned her laugh. "Just checking."

"I know." Kate nodded. "But we're fine…hungry, actually. I was going to make a sandwich, you want one?"

"That sounds good, honey." He put down the mail. "But why don't you let me make them. I just need to make a quick phone call."

"Daddy, I'm not an invalid. I can handle making lunch." She exclaimed turning to walk into the kitchen. "You go make you call and I'll start them up."

A short time later the two were sitting out in his patio with their food enjoying the nice weather. Kate loved her father's house. It was just a couple of miles from the beach and close by to some quaint shops that sold everything from furniture to trinkets for the tourists.

"So how much longer will you be staying?" Sam asked.

"I'm not sure, maybe another few days." Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Do you need me out sooner?" She joked.

"Honey, you know you can stay as long as you want. If it was up to me I'd keep you here until that grandchild of mine was talking." He smiled warmly at the idea of being a grandfather.

"And spoil him or her rotten the whole time too."

"Aw, come on now, Katie, that's what grandfathers are supposed to do." He defended.

"Okay, but just no talk about the joys of military life." She told him.

"And why not?" Sam replied a bit gruffly. "It's a very honorable career."

"Yes, it is." Kate nodded her head. "And I'm very proud of your career, but I want this baby to stay put and put down roots in one place."

"Well then, you'd better hope he or she doesn't inherit that restless gene you seemed to have had." Sam teased.

Kate's face took on a wistful look. "There's a lot of things I hope this baby doesn't inherit from me." She whispered patting her stomach.

"What?" Sam was taken by surprise by her comment. "Katie, you're a good person." He countered.

"A good person doesn't have murder in her heart." She said using his words from the past, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

Sam felt a pain in his heart as he flashed back to that day in the recruiting office so many years ago. He jumped up and went over to his daughter squatting down in front of her. "Sweetie, you will never know how much I regretted saying that…"

"But it's true." Kate cried.

"NO!" Sam shook his head reaching for her hand. "No, it wasn't. You were in a very bad situation and you did what you thought you needed to do to protect the ones you loved." He said soothingly. "I should have done the same and stepped up and protected you."

Kate looked up at her father sniffing through the tears. "You did what you could." She replied. "And you didn't know the whole story."

"But I suspected…"

Kate reached up and gently laid two fingers on his mouth. "Its okay, Daddy, don't blame yourself." She told him giving him a small smile. "I don't."

Sam returned her smile, the start of tears glistening in his eyes. Reaching up he wiped at the tear coming down her cheek. "That's not to say I condone what you did." More tears fell. "But…I understand it…better than I did that day you came to see me."

Kate nodded and gently squeezed his hand, sniffling.

"I still regret what I said to you then." Sam confessed sadly.

"It's okay." She replied.

"No, not it wasn't." The older man insisted. "You're my daughter and I shouldn't have hurt you like that. And I want you to know…I never called authorities after you left the office."

Kate remained silent, looking up at Sam – her facing reminding him of the little girl he had spent the first five years tucking into bed, reading stories, watching over when she became sick, teaching to ride her first bicycle and climb her first tree – the 5 year old he had to leave behind and couldn't fully explain why. "I couldn't do it – you were still my little girl…no matter what. I love you."

Breaking into a smile Kate reached over and hugged her father. "I love you too, Daddy." She cried. "Even if you had called, it wouldn't have mattered."

Sam held Kate for a moment stroking her hair. It felt good to get this out and work past it. It bothered him to no end when Kate had left the Recruiting Office that day and had gone on the run. He had waited, hoping that she would try to contact him again, but knowing she wouldn't – she didn't trust him. And when he had learned of the plane crash the hurt mixed with guilt thinking he had lost his daughter without having the chance to make things right. But in the end he had been given that chance and he was very grateful. Now he was going to be a grandfather in a few months – Kate was getting a chance at having a normal life – a shot at a family of her own.

He still wasn't sure what exactly happened with her and Jack – Kate had been closed lipped only saying that she and Jack weren't together at this point. Sam had become angry at Jack, thinking he had walked out on a pregnant Kate. It didn't sound like the young man he had met shortly after the rescue. A strong-willed, responsible man who had been credited with keeping the survivors alive on the island, didn't seem like the type to turn his back on his child. Plus, Sam had watched Jack around Kate, how he looked at her, talked to her and about her…the concern and feeling in his voice…the little touches and gestures that showed he was protective of her and Sam liked that. He knew that Jack was in love with Kate – that much was obvious. So now to find they were apart didn't make sense. Kate had explained that Jack didn't know about the baby yet. There was something else that needed to be finished before she could tell him. Sam tried to get more out of her but Kate stubbornly clamed up. So, he decided to concentrate on the positive side – Katie was back in his life and there would be a baby soon.

"Daddy," Kate's voice broke into his thoughts.

Pulling out of the embrace Sam smiled. "What's that?"

"I was just wondering if you could drive me to the mall. I want to hit the bookstore and maybe get some new tennis shoes." She explained. "Unless you've got something else to do?"

Placing a light kiss on her forehead, Sam chuckled. "I'm all yours." He stood up. "And maybe we can swing by the baby department and pick up a couple of things for the baby."

Kate shook her head as she laughed. "You're going to spoil this baby rotten, aren't you?"

"That's what grandfathers are supposed to do."

_Las Vegas, Nevada _

Carrie unlocked the door to her new residence hurrying as she heard the phone ringing. "Coming" she called out then giggled. Why did people do that? It wasn't like the person on the other end could hear. Catching her high heel on the rung she stumbled to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" She said breathlessly.

"Hey Carrie." Kate greeted on the other line.

"Kate, hey, how are you?" Carrie flicked off her shoes and plopped down on the couch.

"I'm fine." She replied cheerfully.

"And how's San Diego?"

"Good. The weather has been perfect most of the time. It rained a couple of days off and on but nothing major." Kate reported. "Dad's been taking me around 'sight seeing'"

"Cool. So, you're having a good visit with your dad then?" Carrie concluded

"Yeah, really good. He's been spoiling me rotten." Kate laughed. "I'm really glad I came down here. It's been really relaxing."

Carrie laughed. "Well, you sound good, whatever spoiling dad's doing he's doing it right."

"I'm not complaining." Kate replied. "So how are you?"

Carrie rubbed her hosed feet with her free hand. "I just got off work and my feet are aching so much I think my toes are gonna fall off, but otherwise I'm settling in."

"Feet hurt?" Kate hadn't spoken to Carrie since they arrived in Vegas and Sawyer called her to give her their new number and address.

"Yeah, I got a job as a cocktail waitress at Caesar's Palace, can you believe that?" She said excitedly.

"Really? I love that place." Kate replied happy her friend found a job so quick.

"Yeah, it's busy, but the tips are pretty good. It pays better than the receptionist job I was offered. Of course with that job I'd be sitting all day…"

"And bored out of your mind." Kate concluded. "So, do you have to wear a costume?"

"Ah huh. Picture Cleopatra in a short skirt, gold bracelets and 4 inch heels." Carrie described.

"Ouch." Kate winced. "I couldn't get into a 4 inch heel right now if you held a gun to my head."

"Feeling swelling again?" Carrie chewed on her cuticle and frowned. She had quit that bad habit a couple of years back and was now starting up again and she wasn't sure why.

"Yeah." Kate sighed. "Hands are a little too, but it's not too bad. So, how's Sawyer?"

Carrie glanced over at the clock. He was late…again. "He's fine." She said. "I think he likes this 'running a crew' thing."

"Oh really? That's kind of funny…on the island being in charge was the last thing he wanted." Kate joked. "So, you guys all settled in?"

"Pretty much." She replied. "We didn't really unpack your stuff. I thought you'd want to do that."

"That's fine. I just feel bad I wasn't there to help you guys unpack the rest of the stuff and set up the house."

"Don't worry about it." Carrie told her. "It's more important you be with your dad and get your head cleared up."

Kate smiled into the phone. "Thanks. Thanks for understanding."

"Sure."

"And Carrie, thanks for making the move. I mean I realize that you were planning something like this and it's a big deal to move to another city and I…I really appreciate it."

"Kate, you're my friend." Carrie said. "Probably the best friend I've had in a long time and you needed my support. Besides, I think I was due for a change of scenery anyway."

"And the fact that Sawyer was going to be in that scenery helped huh?" Kate teased.

"Well, you've got to admit, it's not bad scenery." Carrie teased back. "But seriously Kate, we miss you. When are you coming up?"

"That's actually one of the reasons I was calling. I'm planning on leaving Saturday morning. My dad is going to drive up with me. He doesn't like the idea of me making the trip alone."

"I don't blame him, it's probably not a good idea."

Kate sighed. "I guess. Having the company will be nice and since my back's been acting up I don't really feel like doing all the driving."

"Your back's bothering you?" Carrie's voice filled with concern.

"Nothing serious…just the normal pregnancy back pain that comes with carrying a basket ball on your tummy."

"Oh, okay." She was relieved. "Well, I'm glad he's coming up with you."

"Yeah, he'll come up and stay the night and then fly back on Sunday." Kate explained.

"Sounds good, he can crash on Sawyer's bed." Carrie suggested.

"I know my dad, he'll say the couch is okay."

"No." Carrie insisted. "He's our guest. Sawyer can take the couch."

"Or he can always bunk with you." Kate replied smirking. She could imagine Carrie blushing on the other end when she heard the red head reply with a slightly embarrassed "Kate!"

"What?" Kate laughed. "You two weren't planning on hiding it from me, were you? Sneaking into each other's rooms after I was asleep and sneaking back out before I get up. Somehow I don't picture Sawyer doing that."

"Very funny. No." Carried joing in on her laughter.

"Good. Well, listen I'd better go. It's time for my walk with dad." Kate announced. "I'll give you a call Saturday when we're on the road and give you a time when I'll be there."

"Okay." Carrie got up and gave herself a stretch. "It'll be good to have you here, Kate." She gave a small giggle.

"I know, I miss you guys too."

Carrie hung up the phone and went into the bedroom to change out of her uniform. A few minutes later she heard the front door open and close and came out to find Sawyer was home.  
"Hey Red."

"Another happy hour?" She commented glancing up at the clock.

Sawyer gave her a cheeky smile. "What can I say? My crew works hard and they like to wind down a little after."

"With you leading the way, huh?" She walked into the kitchen and started to heat water for tea.

"Well, what kind of crew leader would I be if I didn't hang out with the boys once in awhile, darlin'?" He followed her into the kitchen intent on getting a beer, but what he found was the refrigerator empty of liquor. "Damn, no beer?"

"I must have forgotten when I was at the store yesterday." Carrie lied. She had remembered they were out, but decided they could do a couple of day without.

Sawyer shot her a look. "Forgot, huh?" he said, his tone telling her he didn't quite believe it.

"Besides didn't you have enough today with the boys?" She asked sarcastically.

"Why are you giving me such a hard time about that, Red? It's not like I'm out screwing around."

"How do I know that?" She challenged.

"Because I just told you." He retorted. "I ain't got nothing to hide."

Carrie sighed. She knew he was right. "I know." She said softly.

"Then why all this drama?" He demanded feeling the start of a headache throbbing over his right eye.

Carrie looked over at him and shrugged her shoulders. "Sawyer, we've only been here for 3 weeks and you've been coming home late for two. We never sit and have dinner anymore and breakfast…you're up and gone before sunrise most days." She pointed out.

"That ain't my fault, Sweetheart, that's my work hours. Besides your job's got you working hour all over the clock."

"I know." She poured hot water into a mug and dropped a tea bag into it.

"Well, then…" He retorted.

"It's just that I'd like to do something other than bump uglies with you once in awhile!" Carrie raised her voice in frustration. "Like share a meal."

Sawyer started to speak, but then quickly shut his mouth and slowly turned his head and looked over at the sulking red head with an amused look starting to form on his face. "Did you just say 'bumping uglies'?"

Carrie looked up and met Sawyer's gaze and a small smile formed. She nodded realizing she had used the term without thinking.

Sawyer laughed. "I haven't heard that term since I lived with my aunt." He chucked. Walking over he touched Carrie on the arm. "I've been that neglectful, huh?"

Pursing her lips she have him a brief nod but stayed silent.

Glancing down at his watch he looked back up and gave her his best dimpled smile. "It's still early. How about we change, go down to The Strip and grab some dinner and maybe hit the slots." He suggested.

Carrie's face lit up at his offer. "That sounds like fun."

"Okay, then Red, let's get moving." He replied glad to have her back in a happy mood.

Carrie started out of the kitchen then turned back. "Oh, I almost forgot, Kate called…She'll be here Saturday." She announced before walking out.

Sawyer smiled to himself at her words. "Freckles is coming home." He said quietly to himself. "Well, that is something to celebrate, ain't it?"

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter: Kate goes for an ultrasound_**


	21. Ch 21 We're Having A Baby

**A/N:** **Okay, guys this is the chapter some of you have been waiting for…no Jate isn't reunited…we find out what sex the Jaby is!! One of you guys, and she knows who she is, asked that it be a ( ) , lucky for her I already had planned this out…so nothing was changed. As always read and review! Much appreciated. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "We're Having a Baby" sung by Desi Arnez in the I Love Lucy show – when she went into labor. (No, Kate's not in labor). **

**Chapter 21 – We're Having a Baby**

_Were having a baby, my baby and me  
You'll read it in Winchell's  
That we're adding a limb to our family tree  
_

_We're pushing our carriage  
How proud I will be  
_

_There's nothing like marriage  
Ask your mother and father and they'll agree  
_

_He'll have toys, baby clothes  
He'll know he's come to the right house  
_

_By and by, when he grows  
Maybe he'll live in the White House  
_

_Our future gets brighter  
But definitely  
We're having a baby  
My baby and me_

"Look Freckles, you better get moving if we're going to make your doctor's appointment." Sawyer hollered out from the living room.

Kate stuck her head out of her bedroom door. "Is Carrie here yet?" She called out. Carrie's car was in the shop so she had borrowed Kate's for work promising to be back in time for Kate's first appointment with her new doctor in Vegas.

"She's not gonna make it in time so just get a move on. I'll take you." He replied impatiently.

Closing the door Kate went back t finishing dressing. She was a bit nervous about the appointment – today they would be dong a sonogram and she was going to find out if she and Jack were having a boy or a girl. She smiled briefly thinking of Jack's name. She missed him so much and on an impulse she had gotten one of those cheesy Vegas postcards that had a picture of the volcano in front of The Mirage erupting and wrote him a few lines telling him she was doing good and had gotten there okay. Then a few days later while job hunting she saw another postcard with the back end of a donkey pointing towards the camera next to the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign with the caption "I Lost My A in Vegas" so she bought it and sent it to him. She knew that it probably wasn't fair to Jack to keep the contact one-sided, but she felt better writing him and letting him know that she was thinking about him.

Slipping on her sandals she walked out to the living room to find Sawyer on the couch flipping through the TV channels. "Well, it's about damn time woman!" He exclaimed jumping up and grabbing his car keys.

"Quit complaining." Kate snapped. "You try rushing around when your feet are swollen and coordination is a lost ability." As if trying to prove her point she turned and knocked her purse to the ground.

Chuckling Sawyer picked it up and handed it to her.

"See what I mean?" Kate told him.

"Let's go…or am I going to have to carry you to the truck so you don't risk falling over?" He teased.

"That's not very funny, Sawyer." Kate followed him out the door to the driveway. "I could have really gotten hurt or worse, the baby could have." She said referring to a spill she had taken three days prior walking up the steps leading to the front door. She didn't know how she missed the middle step but the next thing she knew she was hitting the ground on her side…the top step clipping her just under her pregnant belly. Luckily her pride was the worse that was hurt, but Carrie had insisted on calling the paramedics to come and check her out just to make sure.

"But you both were fine." Sawyer started up the truck and maneuvered out to the street. "So it is kind of funny – you there on the ground like a turtle on her back."

Kate reached over and slugged his arm.

"Hey!"

"Not funny." She told her sternly. At this point her cell phone rang. It was Carrie.

"Kate, I'm so sorry I'm late. My idiot of a boss wouldn't let me leave until another waitress got there and she was of course late." Carrie babbled.

"That's okay. Sawyer is driving me over now."

"Oh good, I called and told him what was going on and that he needed to be on stand by."

Kate looked over at Sawyer and smiled briefly. "He's got it covered."

"I feel so bad." Carrie said sadly. "I really wanted to be there for the sonogram."

She too wanted Carrie to be there with her since Jack couldn't be. "Can you meet us there?" Kate suggested.

Carrie laughed. "Yeah, I think I can just make it."

"Well, don't get into an accident getting over there." Kate told her. "I won't let them start it without you."

Hanging up the phone she turned back to Sawyer. "Carrie's going to meet us there."

Sawyer's face registered a brief shot of disappointment before he nodded. "Okay."

"I don't really want to go in there by myself." She confessed nervously and she patted her stomach.

"Well, you now, Freckles, if she's not there in time, I can go in with you." He offered pulling the truck into a space in the parking lot of the medical center.

Kate hesitated for a moment as he shut down the truck. "That's okay." She stepped out of the truck. "You don't have to."

"I thought you just said you didn't want to go in there alone." He countered locking the truck.

Kate bit her bottom lip as she shook her head. "I'll be okay." She said softly.

Sawyer stopped walking and grabbed her arm turning her to face him. "What gives, Freckles? You don't want me in there or what?" He asked.

Kate looked down to the ground. "I don't think it's a good idea Sawyer." She admitted.

"And what not?" He scowled.

"Because it's Jack's baby." She reminded him softly.

"Yeah, so?"

Kate shook her head but didn't answer for a second. Finally she looked up and met his gaze. "It wouldn't feel right." She said before pulling her arm out of his grasp and continued walking to the office. "I need to go check in."

Sawyer decided to wait outside. Still stinging from her rejection of his offer he wasn't too keen on sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women. When Carrie pulled up a couple of minutes later she found him leaning against a wall smoking a cigarette.

"Hey handsome, Kate inside?" Carrie greeted.

"Yeah, she's checking in." He took a long drag and slowly exhaled.

"Okay, see you in a bit then." She impulsively planted a kiss on his cheek before going in.

About 20 minutes later Carrie joined Kate in the exam room. Kate laying propped up on the exam table her shirt pulled up just enough to expose her pregnant belly. Having already completed the physical exam the doctor was ready to do the sonogram. After applying some gel on her skin Dr. Hilborn turned the machine and grabbed the paddle. A few moments later she was gliding it over Kate's expanded tummy. The screen on the monitor started to come alive. It took Kate a moment before she saw it – it was a bit grainy and gray but it was there – a head, a torso, legs, arms and she could even see the nose.

"Kate, it's your baby." Carrie said excitedly squeezing her shoulder.

Kate nodded her eyes brimming with unshed tears. She couldn't believe she was seeing her baby literally for the first time.

"Looks like she's sucking her thumb." Dr. Hilborn commented.

Kate looked over at the doctor. "She?" She asked nervously.

Dr. Hilborn nodded and smiled. "It's a girl, Kate."

"A girl, really?" Kate asked excitedly.

"You're having a girl." Dr. Hilborn reassured her.

"And she's okay?" The young mother to be probed looking back at the screen.

"Everything looks normal." The doctor replied cheerfully and she continued to run the handle over Kate's stomach.

At that point Kate let the tears fall. Carrie gave her a small hug and whispered. "She looks beautiful, Kate."

Kate nodded and clutched her friend's hand. "What's that little flicker?" she asked pointing to the baby's upper torso where a small flicker seemed to go off and on.

"That's her heartbeat." Dr. Hilborn reached over and pushed a button and suddenly soft and steady thumping filled the room. "A good strong heartbeat."

"Yeah…strong." Kate wiped at the tears she spilled at hearing the sound. "She's beautiful." She couldn't take her eyes off the screen.

"How about I print out a picture so you can take it with you?" Dr. Hilborn offered.

Kate nodded excitedly. "Do you think I could get two? I'd like to send one to my dad."

A short time later with her baby's first pictures in hand Kate followed Carrie out of the medical office. They expected to find Sawyer waiting but found instead him and his truck gone. Carrie pulled out her phone to give him a call and found a message waiting. _'Hey Red. I went ahead and took off since you're there to get Kate home. I've got some stuff to do so I won't be home for dinner. Later.' _

When she turned back she found Kate standing by the SUV staring at the picture again. Carrie smiled. "He took off." She said unlocking the car. "Left me a message saying she had some stuff to do."

"Ok, okay." Kate locked in her seatbelt. "I hope he's not mad at me."

"Why would he be mad at you?" Carrie pulled out of the space and out on the street.

"He offered to go in with me for the sonogram but I told him no." Kate explained.

"Really?"

"I just didn't feel it was right to have him there not when it's Jack's baby." Kate half explained as she rubbed her tummy. She knew Jack wouldn't be hurt when he found out about the baby and what he had missed so far but if he found out that Sawyer had actually been there when she first saw the baby and learned it was a girl he would be devastated.

"I guess so." Carrie said. "But I don't think he was mad. I saw him when I first got here and he was okay. He probably just figured I had it covered like we had originally planned." She surmised. "Hey, let's grab something to eat. I'm starved."

Later that evening Carrie was up watching TV when Sawyer came home.

"Hey Red." He greeted as he walked through the door.

Carrie looked up and smiled. "Well, look who finally decided to come home."

Sawyer sat on the couch next to her and started to slip off his boots. "What's on TV?" he asked.

Carrie watched him for a moment trying to gauge his mood. "She was worried, you know." She finally said quietly.

"Who?" Sawyer asked even thought he knew "who" she meant.

"Kate." Carrie said simply.

"About what?"

"That you were mad at her."

Sawyer reached over and grabbed the remote and started clicking though the channels. "Why would Freckles think that I'm mad at her?" He asked keeping his eyes on the television screen.

"Because she didn't want you to go in with her for the sonogram." Carrie felt for a moment like she was having a conversation with a five year old.

"She didn't want me in there, she made that real clear." He retorted.

"You can't really take it personal, Sawyer. She just didn't feel it was appropriate to have another man there sharing this experience instead of the baby's father, simple as that."

"That what she told you?" He still wouldn't make eye contact.

"Yeah."

"Humpf," he finally turned around and met her gaze. Carrie could see a touch of hurt in his eyes. "Thing is it ain't that simple. It's not just 'some man' it's me. And it's not just any father it's Jack."

"And?"

"And things between Jack and me were never simple…not when it came to Freckles." He revealed. "He didn't like her and I being close and I didn't like that she…" his voice suddenly trailed off.

She watched him for a moment before it dawned on her what he was getting at.

"You didn't like that she fell in love with Jack." Carrie declared.

Sawyer glanced over at her with a stone look on his face before returning his gaze back to the television. "Look, Freckles fell for the Doc right from the start, so don't go trying to make this more than what it is."

"Which is?" She asked full of curiosity.

"I offered as her friend to go in there because she was nervous. Turns out she didn't need me, you were there and she didn't have to worry about the possibility of upsetting Jack down the line." Sawyer explained.

"And that's all?" Carrie asked still curious.

Sawyer let out a sigh. "That's all Red, just trying to be supportive…just like you."

"And you're okay with why she turned down your offer?"

"No sweat." He lied. Truth be told he was hurt by her turndown but he wasn't going to share that with Carrie.

Buying his answer Carrie sank back down into the couch next to him and reached for the remote. "There's got to be something better on than wrestling. I can't believe you watch that stuff."

"Why not?" he yanked back the remote. "It's entertaining."

"It's staged." She countered.

Sawyer gave her a look of mock horror. "Well, there you went and ruined it for me." He deadpanned. "Next you're gonna tell me there ain't no Santa Claus."

Carrie chuckled and stared at the screen for a few minutes watching one large sweating man in a tight speedo bring a chair down on his opponent who proceeded to do an exaggerated stagger around the ring. She had enough.

"Seriously Sawyer there's got to be something else we both can watch." She reached for the remote and he caught her hand. He looked at her and flashed his dimples. "I got a better idea of entertainment."

"Really, what?" Her blue eyes danced with his.

"I think you called it 'bumping uglies'" he joked.

(In Kate's bedroom)

_Dear Jack,_

_I went to the doctor today and found out we're having a girl!! Can you believe that? It's a girl and she's beautiful and healthy. I even got to listen to her heartbeat. The doctor said it was strong and steady…just like her dad's I thought._

_I don't know what it was about actually seeing our baby on that machine's screen but it made it so much more real. There's a baby coming soon and I'm going to be a mother. I'm scared Jack. I don't know if I know how to be a mom. What if I mess up or if she starts crying and I don't know what to do? Claire tells me that she was just as scared before she had Aaron, but that it changes after the baby comes. Mother's Instinct she called it. I hope she's right._

_The doctor gave me two copies of the sonogram picture. I'm sending one to my dad – he is so excited about becoming a grandfather and he thrilled to hear that it's a girl! Said he's going to spoil her rotten. He's already started. But you know, after every thing I put him through I'm glad that I'm finally able to make him happy…a chance to make up. The other picture I'm putting right here in this baby book…for you…that way when you're back in our lives you'll be able to see our daughter's very first picture._

Kate stopped writing for a moment feeling the baby kicking on one of her ribs. Taking in a deep breath she brought her hand up to the spot and pressed her fingers in. A moment later she felt what she guessed could be a foot thump back against her hand.

"Alright you lady, settle down." She said in her best "mom" voice. Her daughter thumped back again in response. "Oh, so it looks like I have a little rebel on my hands." Kate giggled. Closing her eyes she imagined Jack there with his hand on her stomach waiting for the baby's next kick. She could even picture him flashing that smile she loved – the one that reached his eyes – when he felt the kick…thrilled at feeling his child move. Smiling to herself she opened her eyes, picked up her pen and wrote one last sentence.

_I love you Jack. You are going to be such a great dad._

TBC

**_Upcoming chapter_**: What's been going on with Jack?


	22. Ch 22 Not Ready For Goodbye

_**A/N: **Okay, guys here we go with the next chapter. This one is a bit on the emotional side and originally I had planned the first part (Jack) to be shorter and then was going to include some Vegas stuff, but as I wrote it out I thought it would stand better alone. Let me know what you think…as always I love those reviews and opinions. And let me ask…are you guys ready for a little Jateness…in a flashback? Let me know. smirk_

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. The title is based on the song "Not Ready For Goodbye" Didn't post the lyrics because while the title fits the lyrics really didn't. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 22 - NOT READY FOR GOODBYE**

"Can I get you anything?" Jack asked Sarah as he helped her to her bed after returning from a treatment.

"No, I'm fine." Sarah replied as she kicked off her shoes. "I'm just a little tired, but I'll be okay after a nap."

Jack nodded as he pulled back the covers and helped her slip in between. She looked a little pale and had recently started wearing a baseball cap to hide her thinning hair. Her friend, Judy, was coming over that afternoon with a couple of wigs for Sarah to try out. But as Jack helped settle her in he noticed that her blue eyes still held a sparkle to them – as if showing everyone she hadn't given up yet.

Padding the space next to her she gave a Jack a smile. "Sit with me for a bit?" She asked. "Just until I'm ready to fall asleep?"

Nodding his head again he sat on the bed. Impulsively Sarah reached over and grabbed his hand in hers. "How are you doing Jack?" She asked.

"Good." He replied simply.

"Like you would say otherwise, right?" Sarah joked.

"I'm fine, Sarah…really." Jack insisted.

"So, how's work going?" She asked trying to find a topic of conversation.

"Good, same as always."

"You know, you never talk about work." Sarah pointed out.

"I would think hearing about sick people and hospitals would be the last thing you'd want to hear." He reasoned.

"But it's part of your life, Jack, so I'm interested." Sarah squeezed his hand. "Besides, if there's something I learned from my cancer group is that there's always somebody worse off than me."

Jack looked up at Sarah and smiled. He had to give her credit – here she was facing an uphill battle and she was trying to keep a pleasant attitude. "How do you manage to stay positive?" he finally asked.

"You mean despite starting to lose my hair and feeling sick to my stomach 3 days out of the week?"

Jack laughed. "Yeah, despite that."

"Believe me I was angry when I first found out. I couldn't believe this was happening to me. But my counselor gave me some good advice one day. She told me that I could spend the rest of my time angry at the world and blaming everyone and make myself sicker faster with all that negative energy or I could cherish each day I get and surround myself with positive energy." Sarah explained.

"So that's the reason for the crystals," Jack said pointing to the nightstand where she kept a figurine of crystals hanging. "Positive energy?"

She laughed. "Don't knock it Dr. Shepard. You doctors are always saying that patients with positive attitudes heal faster, don't you?"

"That's true, but Sarah…" Jack started to say.

"Don't worry, Jack, I'm not kidding myself about my cancer. I know I'm not going to cure myself with crystals and happy thoughts. I'm going to die, I know that. But at least I can face this with dignity…with the idea that I gave it all I got and appreciate the time that I'm given." Sarah explained with a slight hitch in her voice.

Jack squeezed her hand and gave her a warm smile. "You're pretty amazing, you know that." He said softly.

Sarah returned the smile. "That's nice to hear…especially coming from you and given our history." She told him.

"I know." Jack admitted. "But you know, I've always admired how you handled yourself when you had your accident. You weren't wallowing then and you're certainly not doing that now."

Sarah looked down for a moment at their clasped hands and it seemed as if her face fell a little. When she looked up at Jack again her eyes seemed to cloud over with unshed tears. "Jack…I'm scared." She whispered.

"It's okay to be" he told her squeezing her hand again.

"I don't want to die." She swallowed hard.

"I know." Jack reached out and pulled her into an embrace. There hidden in his arms Sarah let her emotions loose. She cried for her mortality, she cried for the children she would never have, the experiences she would miss out on and for all the regrets she had. It broke Jack's heart to that he couldn't say something more comforting then 'It's going to be alright'. But while he held her and gave her that comfort Jack started to understand better why Kate had pushed for this marriage. Sarah needed someone she could be weak with, someone to help shoulder her fears and someone to let her know she wouldn't face it all alone. And that someone Sarah needed was him.

A few minutes later Sarah gently pulled herself out of his warm embrace smiling at her husband. "I'm ready for a nap." She said softly snuggling into the covers again. Nodding Jack got up and quietly walked out of the room.

A couple of hours later Jack was watching an old movie when the doorbell rang. Opening the door he was greeted by Judy Henry, Sarah's best friend. The tall blonde was holding two shopping bags. "Hi Jack." She greeted warmly.

"Hey, Judy." He stepped aside to let her in. Judy spent a great deal of her off time with Sarah helping her with whatever the young woman needed and giving her much needed company. "Is she up?" She asked looking around the living room.

"She's taking a nap." Jack told her. "She laid down about 2 hours ago."

Judy put down the bags and turned to the handsome doctor. "You look a little beat yourself."

"Gee, thanks, Judy." Jack deadpanned.

The tall blonde laughed. "I didn't mean it that way. It's just that you don't always get the sleep you should, you know."

"I'm fine." He sighed then motioned with his head to the bags. "What did you bring?"

"Nice deflection Jack, but it's not going to work." She told him. "Sarah worries that you're not taking good care of yourself and it's part of my job to make sure that you at least eat and sleep enough." She started to walk into the kitchen. "Did you at least have some lunch?"

Jack followed her shaking her head. "I'm a grown man, Judy. I can take care of myself."

"Sure you can, but you don't." She pointed out pulling out some bowls. "Bring in the blue bag will you?" She directed him back out to the living room.

A few moments later he returned with the desired bag looking inside. "What's in here?"

"I stopped at a deli and brought some soup and a couple of sandwiches. Usually, Sarah can only handle the soup but I thought you could use a sandwich too." She pulled the items out of the bag and poured out some soup and put a sandwich on a plate for Jack and one for her. "You got anything to drink?"

Jack was still trying to recover from the whirwind named Judy that came into the apartment and didn't answer for a moment.

"Jack?" Judy said.

"What?"

"Can you get something to drink and I'll put these on the table." She said walking back out of the kitchen. Jack pulled a couple of sodas from the refrigerator and joined Judy at the table. He had to admit he was hungry and grateful that Judy brought over the food.

"So, how did the treatment go this morning?" Judy asked.

"Pretty well. They're giving her a little higher dosage of the chemo but she seemed to do okay with it." Jack explained taking in a spoonful of the soup which turned out to be tomato.

"Well, that's good. The last time I took her she spent part of the afternoon sick to her stomach. That's why I got her the soup…her stomach seems to be able to hold onto soup after a treatment."

"Thanks Judy for doing this." He told her giving her a sincere smile. "You've been really great with her."

"And so have you." Judy reached over and gave his hand a brief squeeze.

But Jack shook his head. "Not really. I could be better."

"Look you two went through a lot and I admit Sarah made her mistakes…and you did too, but at least you're here for her now. I know that marrying her again was probably the last thing you had planned on doing, but it means a lot. And it shows what a great guy you are to do that. I mean she needs lots of support and she's lucky to have you."

"I think she's more lucky to have you." Jack said honestly.

"She'd do the same for me Jack." Judy brushed off his compliment. "She's been a good friend to me…the best and it's the least I can do to repay her."

"Well, don't sell yourself short, Judy. You've been a good friend."

"Thanks." Judy blushed slightly and looked down at her food. She always found it hard to accept praise easily outside of work.

"How does she do it?" Jack's voice was so soft that it took Judy a moment to realize he had spoken.

"What?"

"How does Sarah do it?" Jack asked again. "How does she manage to stay so positive in all this?"

Judy looked into Jack's warm brown eyes seeing how they filled with compassion. "Ahum…I'm not really sure." She shook her head. "I mean, when she first found out she was in shock. She didn't leave her apartment for like 3 days…all she did was cry. I would come over and just sit with her and I'd make her food trying to get her to eat. Then about a week after she found out she went on this research frenzy…she bought books about ovarian cancer and she did all this research on the internet and then she started talking about looking into some holistic treatments and some new radial stuff that she had found on the net."

Judy got up and went into the kitchen for another soda then returned a minute later. "But I don't think that she really made her peace with the disease until she went to the counselor and joined the cancer group. It was her doctor's suggestion…I think because she kept talking about cures and asking him what was other there treatment wise."

"She didn't want to believe the prognosis?" Jack asked.

The blonde shook her head – her shoulder length waves bouncing from one side to another. "No. But then who wants to face their mortality, huh? But Dr. Henson finally sat her down and told her straight out...her chances weren't good. I thought it was a little harsh, you know…" Judy paused for a moment and swallowed hard flashing back to that time.

"But she needed to know…face the truth." Jack said plainly.

"He sent her to this counselor and I think between that and spending time with people who went through or are going through was she is made the difference. I'm her friend and I'm there for anything she needs, but I can't possibly know what she is going through…those people do."

"So, she decided to cherish what time she had." Jack commented with a small smile on her face.

"Yeah, she did. She realized that she couldn't control this disease and there are things she can't change…we don't know how much time she really has, but Sarah wants to at least try and enjoy it as much as she can." Judy reached over and squeezed Jack's hand again. "That's one of the reasons she got back in touch with you…she regretted what played out between you too and she wanted to fix it."

"I thought she needed the insurance." Jack said surprised by her comment.

Judy smiled at Jack's apparent naivety. "That's part of it Jack. But you know she still cares about you…I'm not sure if she's ever completely let go of you…even when she was with Randy."

"Judy, don't." Jack pulled his hand back from hers and stood up abruptly turning his back to her for a moment.

"Jack…"

He turned back and when he looked at her Judy saw sadness in his eyes. "I'm not in love with her anymore." He stated sadly. "I hope that she doesn't think…"

"She doesn't think you are. She knows where your heart lies." Judy said firmly. "It's just that you're important to her and you're probably the one person that can help her as she faces this and get her through it."

Jack felt a hard lump in his throat. This was too much…first the talk with Sarah where he actually had seen a glimpse of the old Sarah – the one he had fallen for and married…and now Judy telling him how much Sarah was relying on him. He wasn't sure he could do it…his father's voice popped in his head briefly. _'You don't have what it takes son'_. "I don't know if I can…"

Judy watched as Jack seemed to battle his emotions internally. He was a strong man, she knew that…especially after the whole island experience, but he seemed like he was starting to wear down…his emotions trying to surface and he was trying to fight them back. Impulsively she stood up and embraced him. His body tensed for a moment before he brought his arms around her and returned her hug.

"It's going to be okay, Jack." She said softly. "You can handle all this. That's why Sarah turned to you…"

Biting back tears Jack let the young woman comfort him for a few moments glad that he didn't have to be so strong all the time. He wasn't in love with Sarah anymore but he still cared…deeply. She had been a part of his life and at one time he had planned on spending his life with this woman…now having to face watching her succumb to cancer and not able to really do anything about it was paining him terribly.

TBC

**A/N: Okay, just a little note about this chapter. I wanted to return my Jack back to the compassionate, caring Jack that we all know and love and while he's like that for most of this story he was a bit of a cold fish with Sarah. I want him to get past all of that negative history with his ex-wife – let it go and that's what he's doing here. And I wanted to show that Sarah doesn't always have to be this btchy person that so many fan fics make her to be. She's a woman who wronged our favorite doctor…and she's paying for it, no? **

**_Upcoming chapter_**: We check in with our Las Vegas trio. What trouble is Sawyer causing now?


	23. Ch 23 A Little Less Conversation

**A/N: Thanks to you guys who took the time to drop off a review. I really do enjoy hearing from you and what you think. I know many, many of you are crying out for Jack to learn about the baby and for there to be a Jate reunion. All I can is that he will and Jate will eventually be in the same room again – I just can't say when. A few more things have to take place. But it will be worth it – I hope you guys hang in there. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song **

**Chapter 23 – A Little Less Conversation**

_**A little less conversation, a little more action please  
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me  
A little more bite and a little less bark  
A little less fight and a little more spark  
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me  
Satisfy me baby **_

Baby close your eyes and listen to the music  
Drifting through a summer breeze  
Its a groovy night and I can show you how to use it  
Come along with me and put your mind at ease

A little less conversation, a little more action please  
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me  
A little more bite and a little less bark  
A little less fight and a little more spark  
Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me  
Satisfy me baby

"This is my favorite hotel." Kate announced as she, Carrie and Sawyer stood out on the sidewalk in front of Caesar's Palace.

"Really?" Carrie pointed up The Strip. "I think The Bellagio is prettier especially with all those dancing water fountains."

But Kate shook her head. "This place just says Vegas. It's got a sense of…I don't know…elegance about it." She looked up at the main building white in color bathed in the warmth of the teal and pink lights in a backdrop of darkness with the large water fountain in front that added to the air of elegance and seemed to soften the driveway that was peppered with limos and taxis arriving and departing. "It's always been my favorite." She said softly.

"Nice place to get married." Carrie commented.

"So, we just gonna stand here staring like a bunch of tourists or can we actually go inside?" Sawyer finally answered.

He had talked the girls into coming out to The Strip for a little fun, somewhat surprised that Kate had agreed to go. It seemed in the last month she had gotten her energy back and was more active.

"Come on." He draped his arms around both girls shoulders and started pushing them towards the entrance.

"Let's hit the Forum Shops." Carrie suggested excitedly. "I've got some extra cash I want to spend."

"I thought you were using that to gamble." Sawyer commented.

"Not when there are shoes to buy."

They entered the Casino and we greeted by the now familiar "bing bing" and whirl of the slot machines. Carrie expertly guided them through the casino floor between the other guests, greeting co-workers along the way until they were at the entrance to the shops.

Sawyer made a face. "You're serious, Red?"

Smiling she hooked her arm through his. "Oh, come on…just for a little while and then we'll hit the casino, I promise."

He looked over at Kate looking for help. She laughed. "It won't be that bad."

Giving up Sawyer allowed himself to be pulled into the mall and proceeded to join the girls window shopping.

"Oh look, those shoes look so cute." Carrie exclaimed, a short time later. She looked over at Kate. "Coming with?"

The brunette shook her head. "I'm not buying another pair of shoes until my feet stop swelling up."

Carrie giggled the looked over at Sawyer. "You're kidding, right?" he scoffed.

"Fine, I'll meet you guys over by the fountain."

Kate looked down the mall corridor as they walked towards the fountain and her eyes lit up. "Sawyer, look." She said excitedly.

"What? Another shoe store?" he replied sarcastically. _'What was it with women and shoes?'_

"No, no, look." She pointed to the right of them. "There."

Sawyer followed her gaze to a very tall wooden horse and an equally tall wooden solider stationed out the entrance of a store. "A toy store?" he exclaimed. "You're excited about a toy store?"

"Not just any toy store. It's FAO Schwartz..._The Toy Store_." She told him as she started moving towards the store. "I always wanted to go in."

Sawyer shook his head as he slowly followed a few steps behind. "I swear Freckles, impending motherhood has changed you."

Once inside Kate was like a child. She walked up and down the aisles and between the displays looking at all the toys and stuffed animals. She had a gleam in her eyes and a genuine smile on her face. Sawyer figured this is what a 5 year old Kate must have looked like.

She stopped in front of a small porcelain tea set and gently fingered the white tea pot tracing along the red rose design on the belly. "This is so pretty." She told Sawyer when he walked up and stood next to her.

"Don't you think it's a little too fragile for a baby?"

Kate shook her head. "It would be for when she's older, Sawyer. Every little girl should have a tea set."

"You should get her a play set of pots and pans." He retorted. "Every little girl should learn to cook, if you ask me."

Kate slugged him in the arm and drew a surprised 'what?' from the southerner. "I can't believe you just said that." She told him.

"Hey, I'm just saying I've known several women whose idea of cooking is opening a can of Chef Boyardee." He responded playfully.

"Ha. Ha."

"Look, Freckles, if you're all fired up about the tea set then get it."

Kate looked wistfully at the display for a moment but shook her head. "It's a little pricey and right now I probably need to buy more practical things." She replied a bit disappointed.

"Well, you're in the wrong place for practical." He commented as he watched her walk to another part of the store. Deciding to check out the store himself he turned and walked a different direction.

Kate meanwhile had wandered over to the section filled with stuffed animals. Pulling different ones in for _'a test hug' _she found most to be soft and deliciously squishy – perfect for babies.

"Well," she said softly. "You do need some stuff animals for the nursery." She spoke towards her belly. "Let's see…" Surveying the lot she picked out a brown bunny rabbit with floppy ears and a larger but equally snuggly teddy bear with a red bow tied around his neck and felt cut out pads on the bottoms of his feet. Glancing around she saw Sawyer approaching her

"Check it out Freckles, the second floor is where all the cool stuff is at. Star Wars, dinosaurs, remote controlled cars…"

She noticed he had a box in his hand. "What's that?"

Breaking into a dimpled grin he turned the box around to show it to her.

"An Elvis Barbie?" Kate exclaimed with a smirk.

"It is not a Barbie…it is an Elvis Presley doll." He corrected with an indignant tone to his voice.

"Oh, okay…sorry." Kate took a closer look – it was definitely an Elvis doll dressed in black leather pants and a matching jacket…his jet black hair slicked back and it included a small gold record and a microphone. "For you?" she asked still smirking. "I didn't know you still played with dolls."

Sawyer returned her smirk. "Only the living breathing ones. Actually, it's for the baby…for her." He pointed at Kate's pregnant belly.

She chuckled. "You want to get her that?"

"Sure, she should know about The King. Besides, I thought all girls like Barbies."

"I thought you said it wasn't a Barbie." Kate pointed out.

"You know what I mean woman." He retorted then started to turn around. "But if you don't want it…"

She reached out and grabbed his shoulder stopping him. "No, wait. It's a nice idea. Her first Bar…doll. I'm sure she'll love it when she's old enough to play with it."

Sawyer flashed her his trademark dimples. "Alright then. And since we're at it, how about we get Ol' Elvis a Barbie to keep him company?"

"Keep him _company_?"

"Sure, wouldn't want The King getting lonely now, would you?"

"You're still a southern pervert, you know that?" Kate laughed as she followed him to the doll section.

"Wouldn't want me any other way now would you?"

A few minutes later they had paid for their purchases and were walking out when Kate's cell phone rang.

"Where are you?" Carrie asked.

"At the toy store. We're coming now." Kate told her as they started to weave through the crowds.

The three met up at the center square where they watched the talking statutes show before returning to the casino where the girls played the slots and Sawyer tried his hand at the craps tables. From there they ventured to Bally's and then The Paris Hotel before Carrie suggested they drive over to The Rio.

"You up for that, Freckles?" Sawyer asked concerned about the pregnant woman.

Kate, who was snaking on a croissant she had purchased at the Paris shops, nodded. "Just prop me up at a slot machine and I'll be fine."

So they drove over to The Rio – a big red and blue high rise building that greeted them cheerfully. Once inside they walked around the casino floor which was designed to resemble The French Quarter in New Orleans.

"Let's find a spot for the Mardi Gras parade. "Carrie chirped. "It's suppose to start in about 5 minutes."

Soon enough the loud music started up and the first of the floats suspended from the ceiling started descending through the casino. The showgirls dressed in feathers and bright costumes dancing on the floats waving to the crowd and throwing bead necklaces out into the crowd. They were accompanied by men wearing colorful Marti Gras masks also throwing beads.

Kate had managed to find a corner spot nest to a floor to ceiling beam that offered her a little room from the crowd. Massaging her lower back she realized she needed to sit down soon…her back was starting to remind her that her baby was getting heavy.

Soon enough the last float turned and was headed back and the music died down signaling the parade was over. Kate started to turn when she felt someone bump into her. It was a dark haired man who appeared to be intoxicated.

"Oh, hey." He looked over at Kate. "Well, aren't you a pretty one."

"_Oh reat, a drunk."_ Kate pushed the man away slightly. "Excuse me." She said as she attempted to move past him.

"Hey, wait. Where are you going?" The man asked smiling sweetly.

"The bathroom." Kate stated trying again to dodge past him.

"Let me buy you a drink." He offered swaying slightly as he spoke.

"No, thank you."

The man took a step towards her and tripped over the step in front of him. Stumbling he reached out to steady himself and the next thing Kate knew she was being pushed into one of the columns and the drunken man was half leaning on her.

"Sorry." He said weakly.

Kate's stomach turned at the smell of alcohol on his breathe. "Get off me!" she pushed him away firmly.

Before either of them could react further Sawyer came barreling over and angrily pulled the man away. "Get the hell off of her!"

"Mind your own business!" The drunken stranger yelled pushing Sawyer away.

"She is my business!" Sawyer threw a punch that landed on the man's jaw.

"Sawyer! What are you doing?" Carrie yelled from behind him.

The other man regained his balance and tackled Sawyer,

"Stop it!" Kate yelled. "Stop it, both of you!"

Sawyer felt the other man punch him in his stomach before security guards arrived and pulled the two apart.

"What's going on here?" One of the guards stepped between the two feuding men.

"This guy came out of no where and just hit me!" The drunken man said.

"He was all over her." Sawyer spit out angrily as he nodded his head in Kate's direction. "She's pregnant you jackass."

This caused the guard to looked over at Kate. "You okay, ma'am?"

Kate nodded. "Yeah, he stumbled into me and I fell against the column. "Kate told him. "It was an accident. I didn't get hurt."

"Like hell!" Sawyer interjected.

"It was, Sawyer. He's drunk and he stumbled." Kate told him.

"Yeah, then he came after me like a mad man." The stranger added, touching his already swelling lip gingerly. "I was just trying to defend myself."

Sawyer shot the man an ugly stare but didn't say anything.

"You want to press charges?" the guard asked the dark haired man.

The man looked from Sawyer and his scowl to Kate and shook his head. "Nah, he was just protecting his pregnant girl…I can't understand that."

"Alright, then." The guard turned his attention back to Sawyer. "I will have to ask you to leave, sir."

"Oh gee, what a surprise." Sawyer replied sarcastically as he shrugged off the other guard's hold on him.

"Escort him to the casino door." The first guard instructed his partner.

Mumbling something under his breathe Sawyer walked out ahead of the guard towards the entrance.

Carrie and Kate followed. As they walked Carrie threw her arm around Kate's shoulder. "You sure you're okay?" she asked concerned. "he didn't hurt you when he fell on you, did he?"

"No, I'm fine." Kate smiled briefly. "I hit the wall with my shoulder, but the baby's fine."

They reached the entrance of the casino where the guard held the door open for the three.

"Thanks for the hospitality." Sawyer smirked as he continued through the door. The guard didn't answered but gave Carrie and Kate a small smile and a 'good night' as they went out the door.

Out in the parking lot Sawyer stopped walking and looked over at Kate. "So, Freckles, you two okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're fine." Kate smiled at him. "You know, you didn't need to do that. I had it under control."

Sawyer returned the smile. "Oh yeah, I could see how under control you had the situation." He draped an arm around her shoulder. "Just say thank you, Freckles."

"For what? Starting a fight and getting us kicked out of the place?" She teased.

"Yeah, well, it was getting boring there anyway." He retorted steering her towards the car. "Shall we hit the MGM?" He turned back briefly and looked at Carrie before returning his attention to Kate.

"Not me, "Kate replied letting out a yawn. "I'm about done for the night."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Sawyer nodded his head as they continued walking.

Behind the two Carrie followed as Sawyer continued to guide a pregnant Kate to their vehicle. She felt a small nagging feeling in her stomach again watching Sawyer as he hovered around Kate. She had recently started to notice how much more 'protective' he had gotten of the pretty brunette since coming to Vegas. He usually made sure to invite her when he and Carrie went out. Carrie had noticed how he kept an eye on what she was eating even if Kate didn't notice. At first she chalked it up to him trying to offer his support as best he could, but that nagging feeling in her stomach made her briefly wonder if it was something more.

'_Don't be silly, Carrie.' She told herself. 'You're the one that he's dating. He and Kate are just good friends. Besides Kate is still in love with Jack…and Sawyer knows that.' _

She shook her head as if trying to get rid of the thoughts and joined the other two in the car.

"Hey Red, I'm getting hungry. How about we drop Freckles off and go grab a burger?" Sawyer suggested.

"Sure." Carrie smiled, the nagging feeling gone now.

"I hope you're planning on letting Carrie drive." Kate said as she directed the vehicle through the traffic. "You've had too much to drink."

"Yes mother. " Sawyer smirked. "Don't get your panties in a knot – Red can drive."

_(A few days later)_

Kate came walking through the front door carrying a couple of bags of groceries she had picked up on the way home from work. Not having much luck at finding a suitable job she had recently signed up with a couple of temporary agencies and had been going out for day to day assignments.

When she came into the living room she found a smiling Sawyer standing in the middle of the room next to a crib, a dresser and what looked like a changing station. "Hey Freckles, it's about time." He greeted.

She was taken by surprise. "I…ahum…stopped at the grocery store…Sawyer, what is all this?"

He turned and looked at the furniture before returning his gaze to her – a proud look on his face. "You like all this? I…ahum…wanted to surprise you." He said taking the groceries from her and putting them on the table.

"This is for me?"

"Well, who else is in need of a baby crib in the next couple of months?" he joked.

"But…why…I mean…you shouldn't…" She stammered. "Why did you do this?"

He ran a hand along the crib railing as he spoke. "Well, we've been doing so well with this job site…coming in under budget so far and a few days ahead of schedule, that our company decided to give my crew a bonus." He explained.

Kate was still shocked after his explanation. "You spent your bonus money on baby furniture?"

Sawyer nodded a slight blush coming up his cheeks. "Not like I really needed anything, right now."

"Still, you could have put it in the bank." She pointed out.

"Never really been one for opening up a savings account." He joked.

Kate inspected the honey oak finished crib with a slight smile on her face…her hand running along the carved out design. "This was really a sweet gesture, but…" She whispered.

She was interrupted by s sharp cramp hitting her body. "Ooww" She cried out and reached for her right side under her belly bending over slightly.

"What's wrong?" Sawyer asked fearfully.

"I…I don't know…" Kate replied. "It hurts, Sawyer." She said tearfully.

Taking her by the arm he led her towards the couch. "Here sit down Freckles." He instructed trying to stay calm.

Another cramp hit her as she started to sit causing Kate's lip to quiver in fear. "The…baby…" She cried.

"Okay, okay." Sawyer could feel the panic start to build. He had not idea what was wrong with her or what he should be doing. "You want me to call an ambulance?"

"It…hurts." She whimpered. "I…I need…to go to the hospital."

"Can you stand up?" He asked quickly.

"I don't know." She could feel the tears threatening to fall. Her only concern at the moment was for her unborn child. _'Please, God, don't let anything happen to the baby,'_ she thought to herself.

Before she could say anything else Sawyer scooped her up in his arms, grabbed her purse and started out the door to his truck. "Hang in there Freckles, it'll be alright." He told her.

As he carried her out to the car Kate took a deep breath and let it out. "One…" another deep breath, "Two…" deep breath, "Three…four…" deep breath, "five."

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: Kate goes to the hospital. Will she and the baby be okay? _**


	24. Ch 24 She's Not You

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who took the time out to drop me a review. I really appreciate it and it helps me to post new updates faster when I know people are out there asking. (Shameless plea for reviews, I know). Please, please, if you're reading take the time to hit the button and type a review – even a "I like" or "I don't like cause" helps me. Thanks and enjoy. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "She's Not You" sung by Elvis.**

**Chapter 24 – She's Not You**

_Her hair is soft and her eyes are oh so blue  
She's all the things a girl should be,  
But she's not you. _

She knows just how to make me laugh when I feel blue  
She's ev'rything a man could want,  
But she's not you.

And when we're dancing  
It almost feels the same  
I've got to stop myself from  
Whisp'ring your name

She even kisses me like you used to do.  
And it's just breaking

_my heart  
'cause she's not you._

* * *

They arrived at the nearest hospital a short time later with Sawyer risking a speeding ticket as he maneuvered through the traffic. Helping her through the emergency room doors he called out to a nurse that was passing by.

"Hey! We need some help here!"

The RN looked at a pregnant and heavy breathing Kate and rushed over. "What's wrong?"

"I'm…I'm having cramps." Kate gripped Sawyer's forearm trying to steady herself.

"How far along are you?" She took Kate's arm from Sawyer's grip and steered her towards a wheelchair.

"Seven months." Kate sniffed as she sat in the chair. "I'm not in labor am I?"

"We'll take a look. Just try and keep breathing in and out." The short haired brunette nurse told her. She turned to Sawyer. "Go ahead and have a seat in the waiting room. We'll look after your wife." She said before pushing the wheelchair down the busy corridor.

"He's not my husband!" Kate panted gripping the arms of the chair.

The nurse, Brenda, took Kate into an examination room and helped her up onto the bed. "How far apart were the pains?"

"Felt like every couple of minutes." Kate exclaimed. "But…they seemed like they've stopped since we got here."

"Do you know if your water broke?"

"No."

"Have you been experiencing any bleeding?"

"No." Kate shook her head and wiped at her tears.

Brenda nodded as she checked Kate's pulse and strapped on the blood pressure machine. "That's good." As she checked her blood pressure a doctor came in.

"What have we got?" She asked Brenda in a crisp, professional tone.

"This is Kate…seven months pregnant, started having cramps, water hasn't broken and no bleeding." The nurse replied.

"Okay, Kate, I'm Dr. Lewis. I'm going to examine you." The older woman said pulling out her stethoscope.

The next several minutes she examined the mother to be pushing and poking around the pregnant belly checking for any abnormalities. She also asked Brenda to hook up the ultrasound machine.

"I'm pretty certain you experienced false labor…what is called Brach ten's Hicks."

Dr. Lewis explained.

"False labor?" Kate sniffed.

"Ah huh. Think of it as nature's way of getting your body ready for the real thing" the doctor continued.

"So the baby is okay?" Kate asked hopefully.

"All the vitals look good." Dr. Lewis placed the ultrasound wand on her exposed belly. "Let's take a look." She turned the machine on and started rolling the wand around. A few moments later the machine blipped and the picture appeared.

"Well, there she is. Everything seems to look good…" the doctor's voice trailed off at this point.

Kate caught the slight change in tone. "Is something wrong?" She asked feeling the panic starting up again.

Dr. Lewis studied the monitor for a moment. "The baby is okay." She said, "There might be a little concern with this area here." She pointed to the edge of what Kate guessed was the womb.

"What's wrong?" Kate squinted trying to see the area of the monitor the doctor was looking at.

"There seems to be a slight gap right here between the womb and the lining of the uterus." Dr. Lewis explained. "It's nothing serious right now. Women have healthy babies all the time with the situation."

Kate nodded her head and swallowed back some tears. "But it could get worse."

"It could if you don't take any precautions."

"What kind of precautions."

"I'd like you to go on limited bed rest…4 hours a day off your feet. That's in addition to the 8 hours of sleep you would normally get."

"Bed rest?" Kate grew more worried.

"Just as a precaution." Dr. Lewis told her soothingly. "Do you sit or stand at your job?"

"I do temp work in offices usually."

"Okay. " She scribbled on her chart. "Your blood pressure is a little high – I'd like you to cut back a bit on your work hours – maybe 10 hours less. Can you afford that?"

Kate nodded her head. "Yeah, I'll do whatever you need me to do to help my baby."

Dr. Lewis noticed the panic stricken look on the younger woman's face. She reached over and squeezed her hand. "Don't get panicked, Kate. Like I told you your baby is fine. Her vitals are normal and strong and the sonogram looks good. You're not the first one to have this type of thing and I don't see why you can't have a normal rest of the pregnancy and delivery."

Kate gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks."

"You also need to make sure that you're getting regularly checked by your OB-GYN. You're getting to the point in your pregnancy where you should be seeing her every two weeks."

"Yeah."

Brenda, who had momentarily left the exam room, returned at this point. "I went ahead and paged Dr. Hilborn, Kate. She was at the hospital already for a delivery so she'll be down here in a little while." She explained.

Dr. Lewis handed the nurse the patient chart. "Good. I've printed out a sonogram picture, but leave the machine set up for Dr. Hilborne." She stood up and gave Kate a smile. "I've written down what I've recommended in your chart. Dr. Hilborn will be here shortly so just lay back and relax, okay?"

Fifteen minutes later Dr. Hilborne came into the exam room and greeted her still worried patient. After reviewing the notes made in Kate's chart she turned on the ultrasound machine and checked out the unborn child. Agreeing with the prognosis of the other doctor, Dr. Hilborne gave Kate the same precautionary advice along with the request to make an appointment for later that week to come in and check out her progress. She too assured the spooked young woman that everything else with the baby looked fine and there was no reason the rest of the pregnancy wouldn't progress normally.

After having her discharge paperwork signed off Kate walked out with a couple of sheets of instruction and was greeted by an anxious Sawyer who had been badgering the ER receptionist for updates.

"Freckles, everything okay?" He rushed up to her.

She smiled softly. "Yeah, pretty much. They said it was false labor." She decided to wait until they got home to fill him and Carrie in on the rest.

"So, the baby's okay?" He asked still trying to gauge her emotions.

"Baby's fine." Kate assured him. "Can we just go home? I'm tired."

They drove home in a comfortable silence. Sawyer had initially tried to make conversation with Kate but gave up when she only gave one or two word answers. When they arrived home they found Carrie home from work eating dinner.

"Hi guys" She greeted. "Did you go eat?"

"Actually Freckles…" Sawyer started to say.

"I had cramps and went to the hospital to check them out." Kate interrupted.

Carrie's face suddenly filled with concern. "Oh my God, Kate!" She jumped up and rushed over to her friend. "Is everything okay?"

Kate nodded quickly. "Yeah, we're both fine." She patted her stomach. "The doctor said it was false labor pains. A way for Mother Nature to prepare me for child birth, I guess."

"Oh, you poor thing." Carrie gave her a brief hug. "Were they very painful?"

"Yeah, but I was more scared than anything." Kate walked over to the kitchen table and Carrie helped her sit down. "I really thought something was happening to the baby." She confessed tearfully.

"But the doctor checked everything out, right? The baby's okay?" Carrie asked looking up briefly at Sawyer for confirmation.

"The baby's fine. The hospital paged Dr. Hilborn since she was already at the hospital delivering a baby. She came and checked me out just like the ER doctor had. She said the baby was fine…they did a sonogram and the baby was fine…but…there was one thing…ahum…she was concerned about."

Hearing this Sawyer's attention was immediately drawn to his friend and he spoke up. "What concern? You didn't mention no concern when we left the hospital."

"I know…I wanted to wait until we got home…I just wanted to get out of there." Kate told him.

"So…what's wrong?" Carrie reached over and laid her hand on top of Kate's and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

The brunette let out a heavy sigh. "There's a small gap between my womb and my uterus…nothing really large, but she wants me to take some precautions."

"Like what?" Sawyer asked.

"I'm going to have to cut back on my work hours…at least 10 hours less a week. Cut out some stress…and she wants me to go on limited bed rest…four hours a day." Kate explained.

"And you do all that and everything will be okay?" Carrie was really concerned about her friend. She knew how much she wanted this baby and Carrie couldn't stand the idea of anything happening to it or Kate.

"Yeah, both doctors told me that there was no reason why the rest of the pregnancy wouldn't go as it's supposed to and the delivery should be normal." Kate replied with a small smile.

"Well, that's good to hear." Carrie returned her smile relieved to her the prognosis. At that moment the items out in the living room caught her attention. "By the way, you went baby furniture shopping without me?" She teased her friend.

Kate glanced over at Sawyer briefly before shaking her head no. "Actually, Sawyer bought the furniture."

Carrie's head whipped around to the Southerner in surprise. "You bought this stuff?" She asked frowning slightly at the idea.

Sawyer shrugged his shoulders. "Not a big deal…I had some extra cash and thought I'd put it to good use."

That nagging feeling that Carrie had experienced a few days prior was now bad and a bit stronger than the last time. _'What exactly was going on here? Why was Sawyer trying to play daddy?' _She asked herself.

"I told him that he shouldn't have done it." Kate said quickly. "It wasn't necessary."

"You need the furniture Freckles, so what's the big deal?" Sawyer said with a touch of frustration in his voice. He couldn't understand why she just wouldn't accept his gift.

"It is a big deal, Sawyer." Kate told him. "Besides, I wasn't planning on buying such big pieces of furniture. I wanted to keep it light…makes it easier when I move back." She explained referring to eventually returning to Los Angeles…and Jack.

"Kind of hard to throw a crib and dresser in the back of an SUV." Carrie commented as she started finishing up her dinner.

Sawyer shook Carrie a look of frustration. He had figured she would be in his corner telling Kate what a nice gesture it had been. Instead she was pointing out the negativity.

"Since you don't have a real time line this kid could be in its own junior bed by the time you go back." He retorted trying to make a joke but realizing as soon as he said it how bad a choice it was.

Kate looked over at him with a wounded look on her face. She couldn't believe he would say something like that after all this time. Slowly she pushed herself up off the chair. "Excuse me…"

"Listen Freckles…I'm sorry."

"No you're not." Kate shot back. "But I'm too tired to argue with you so I'm just going to go to bed. I'm pretty tired after everything."

"Do you want some help?" Carrie offered.

"No, that's okay. I'm not that bad. I can put myself to bed." Kate rubbed her sore lower back as she started to walk away. "You finish up your dinner."

After Kate had walked out of the kitchen Carrie turned her attention to Sawyer. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She said angrily.

"Look, I didn't mean anything by it." He tried to defend himself.

"Really? Then why say it?" She shot back. "You hurt her with that stupid comment."

"I tried to apologize and she didn't want to hear it." He pointed out. Carrie didn't answer instead looking down at her near empty dinner plate. "Look…Red, I'll apologize to her in the morning, okay?"

Carrie still didn't answer him right away. Her silence frustrated Sawyer even more. "Red…come on…I said I'd apologize tomorrow."

"Whatever." Carrie's voice was small and soft. That nagging feeling in her stomach wouldn't go away and she was starting to worry about what she thought it might mean.

"Aw come on Red, give me a break…now you're mad at me too?" He sat down in the chair across the table from Carrie and tried to make eye contact with her.

Carrie continued to look down tracing an imaginary pattern on the plate with her fork. "Why did you really buy the baby furniture?" She finally asked in a low voice.

"What?"

This time she looked up and met his gaze. "Why did you buy the baby furniture for Kate?" She asked again.

Sawyer looked back at her for a moment not sure what exactly she was asking. "Like I said Red I got a bonus and…"

"Please, don't…" she interrupted. "Tell me the real reason why when you got this money…this bonus, the first thing you thought of doing was going out and furnishing a nursery."

"That is the reason." Sawyer insisted. "I was trying to be thoughtful."

Carrie shook her head. "Thoughtful is buying her a baby blanket or an outfit you saw in the store. A crib is something…that…something that a father buys."

"Well, seeing how Jack isn't around he can't exactly do that now, can he?" Sawyer replied sarcastically. He really was getting tired of the flack he was getting for buying a few pieces of furniture.

"But that doesn't mean you get to step in and fill that role." Carrie shot back before she had a chance to think about her words.

Sawyer jumped out of his chair. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" He said loudly.

"I'm not stupid Sawyer." Carrie kept her voice low. "I've seen what's going on."

"And just what is 'going on'?" He inquired angrily.

Carrie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I should have seen it before…when you first suggested moving to Vegas. You hadn't mentioned the job offer until Kate needed a place to go." She put her hand up to keep Sawyer from interrupting her. "You didn't even think about inviting me to come along. That was Kate's idea and you just went along with it."

"She got to it before I did, that's all." He told her.

"Be honest James, you weren't going to ask me to come with you." Carrie stated matter of factly.

Sawyer caught her use of his first name…something she hadn't done too often. "Look Red…you're blowing things out of proportion here. Freckles is my friend…she's alone and having a baby…"

"And what? You figure with Jack out of the picture you can step in and play daddy?" Carrie spit out.

Sawyer turned away from her for a moment – a hesitation that told Carrie that she wasn't far from the mark.

"That's it, isn't it?" She could feel tears starting to well up. Angrily she brushed them back. She'd be damn if she was going to start crying at this point. "You love her and you…you wanna be…with her."

"Red…"Sawyer sighed as he slowly took a couple of steps towards her. His arms open as if he thought about trying to take her into an embrace. But Carrie took a step back.

"You're in love with her…with Kate." She said her voice full of hurt. "God, how could I have missed that?"

"You're seeing things that aren't there." Sawyer tried to tell her. "We're only friends."

That comment pained Carrie more. "Don't…"She told him angrily as she turned her back to him. She didn't want him to see how hurt she felt. And foolish… foolish for believing she was building something with Sawyer.

Feeling the need to do something Sawyer walked up behind Carrie and placed his hands on her shoulders. He felt her tense up under his touch. "I'm not trying to play daddy. I'm just trying to be a friend."

He felt her let out a heavy sigh. "Who are you trying to convince…me or yourself?" With that she stepped out of his grasp and walked back over to the table to clear her dinner plate.

"That's a load of crap, Red." Sawyer challenged. "If you want out of this thing between us…you wanna stop seeing me then just say it."

Carrie dropped the dish in the sink with a loud clang. "Oh great, now you're trying to turn this around on me?" She replied angrily.

"That's not what I'm trying to do." He shot back.

"Then what are you trying to do?"

Sawyer leaned against the breakfast bar and exhaled. "You're reading this all wrong, Red." He said. "Freckles is gonna need that stuff and I just figured I'd help her out and get it for her."

Carrie threw the dish rag she was using onto the counter next to the sink. "See, that just proves my point."

"Oh yeah, how so?" He asked gruffly.

"You're always thinking about Kate and what you can do for her. You're always on her about what she eats…if you're not telling her you're watching her…we hardly ever go out anymore with you asking her along…you got into a fight because some guy accidentally bumped into her…"

"Come on…the guy fell on her…he could have hurt the baby." Sawyer protested weakly.

"You didn't need to punch the guy. It was like you were trying to piss a circle around Kate…"

"Now you're getting ridiculous." He interjected hotly.

"No I'm not!" Carrie yelled. "You love Kate! You've loved her since you guys were on the island…that's why you and Jack always had problems, isn't it? You were jealous because she fell in love with him and not you!"

"Knock it off Red!" He yelled back.

Carrie wiped at her eyes angrily. "No!"

Before either one could say anything else a movement at the kitchen entrance caught their attention. It was Kate and she had her purse in her hand.

Carrie wondered how long she had been standing there. "Ahum…Kate…you… ahum…going somewhere?" She choked out.

"Yeah, I have a craving for a cheeseburger and some ice cream." She explained, her face not revealing what if any of the argument she had heard.

"Shouldn't you be in bed resting?" Sawyer asked.

"I'm better…besides I'm hungry." She went over to the small table in the dining room and grabbed her keys. "I'll be back."

"Why don't I go for you?" Sawyer offered quickly hoping to use this errand as a chance to escape the house and the argument.

"No, that's okay. I'm good." Kate replied.

"Really, Freckles, I can go." Sawyer tried again. "You should be resting."

"Sawyer, stop worrying, I'm not your responsibility." Kate's tone was short as she started towards the door. "I'll be back later." And before anything more was said she was out the door and on her way.

Carrie gave Sawyer a look as Kate walked out the door.

"What?" Sawyer asked bringing his hands palms up upward.

Carrie shook her head. "You just proved my point." She told him as she walked out of the kitchen and into her room locking the door behind her.

Sawyer stood in the kitchen alone for a moment contemplating what had happened. Carrie definitely was convinced that he was in love with Kate. _'Well, aren't you, dumbass?'_ he asked himself. _'It's one thing to try and fool Red, it's another to try and keep fooling yourself.'_ He knew when he had gone out and bought the furniture that his feelings for Kate had not disappeared when they had gotten off the island. That became clear to him when his crew was told they were receiving a bonus and the first thing he thought about was getting Kate a crib. And maybe Carrie was right a little when she accused him of wanting to "play daddy" to Kate's baby.

Glancing at his wristwatch he grabbed his truck keys. He decided to go grab a beer and clear his head. It had been a long day.

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: What Kate heard or didn't hear. And she's missing her favorite spinal surgeon…could a phone call be coming? _**


	25. Ch 25 I Can't Make You Love Me

**A/N: Oh my gosh, thank you everybody who dropped me a review!! It was so cool to hear what you think about what's happened so far and what you want to happen…mainly the return of Jack. I promise you that he will return…it's all about timing. Things have to happen and events have to take place to set up his return. I do promise you he will come back in the picture and let's just say he won't be happy to hear he's been kept in the dark about being a dad!!**

**Anyway, here's the next chapter. Sorry, sorry for the delay. I had stuff in real life interfere with posting – but between the last chapter and this one I managed to type out another chapter. So…let me hear from you and I'll post that one up sooner….**

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "I Can't Make You Love Me" sung by Bonnie Raitt. **

**Chapter 25 – I Can't Make You Love Me**

**_Cause I can't make you love me if you don't  
You can't make your heart feel something it won't  
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours  
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power  
But you won't, no you won't  
cause I can't make you love me, if you don't _**

I'll close my eyes, then I wont see  
The love you don't feel when you're holding me  
Morning will come and I'll do what's right  
Just give me till then to give up this fight  
And I will give up this fight

It was morning when Kate came back to the house. Despite not saying anything the previous night before she left, Kate had been privileged to the back end of Carrie and Sawyer's argument shocked by Carrie's idea that Sawyer wanted to be with her and the baby. After picking up her cheeseburger and ice cream she had driven around while she ate thinking about everything that had happened since they had come to Las Vegas. Deciding she wasn't up to coming back to a tension filled home she found a motel and took a room for the night.

Now as she came into the living room she spotted Carrie sitting at the kitchen table alone drinking coffee and reading the morning paper.

The red head looked up. "You didn't come back home last night." She said making it more of a statement rather than a question.

Sitting at the table with her friend Kate grabbed a slice of toast from the stack Carrie had made and nibbled on a corner. "I got a motel room."

Carrie let out a sigh. "So, I take it that means you heard Sawyer and I arguing?" She asked tentatively.

Kate nodded her head slightly but didn't say anything looking down at the table instead.

"Kate, I'm sorry." Carrie said her voice full of remorse.

Kate looked up and made eye contact with the other woman. "Do you really believe what you said last night?" She asked softly.

Carrie nodded. "Yeah" She replied sincerely.

Kate sighed and absentmindedly played with the crust of her toast. She wasn't sure what to say. She thought about Sawyer's behavior since they had gotten to Vegas. He had become more protective of her than in the past, making sure she was eating and sleeping enough, not overexerting herself and making sure she was having some fun. Then there was the fight at the Rio and the incident at the hospital not correcting the nurse when she referred to Kate as his wife…and now he had gone out and bought her baby furniture…

"I'm sorry" She finally said sadly.

Carrie quickly reached over and squeezed her hand. "Why? It's not your fault."

"Maybe some of it is. I mean I saw how he was acting sometimes and I just let it go." Kate replied. "Maybe there's a part of me that wanted that…that protectiveness…that liked the idea of being taken care of."

"Kate, do you want…I mean, do you have feelings for…"

"No," Kate said quickly. "I mean, I care about Sawyer but I don't have _those_ kinds of feelings for him. I still love Jack and he's the one I want to be with. Sawyer's just a good friend."

"Okay." The red head said slowly. The two remained silent for a moment not sure what either one should say next.

"I'm scared, Carrie." Kate finally spoke up. "The closer it gets to me having this baby the more nervous I get about being a mom. I have no idea how to be a mother." She admitted tearfully.

Carrie felt for her friend. "I'm sure all new parents go through that." She said reassuringly. "You're going to be a good mom, Kate, you'll see."

Kate sniffed back some tears. "I don't know, I mean, what if she starts crying and I can't figure out what she needs? Or what if I can't bond with her?" She started voicing some of her fears.

Carrie shook her head. "Kate, you shouldn't worry about stuff like that. Besides, you already love this baby, don't you?"

Kate gave her a small smile and nodded her head as her hand caressed her protruding belly. She already did love her baby…her daughter…and that's what scared her the most. She wanted so much to know that she was going to be able to handle this parenting stuff…she didn't want to let her baby down.

"All you need to do is love your baby, Kate. Everything else will fall into place." Carrie told her sweetly.

Kate nodded once again. "Thanks" she said gratefully.

"Hey, that's what friends are for." She chuckled.

Kate took a deep breath and sighed. "I guess I need to talk to Sawyer." She told her friend.

Carrie agreed. "I'm working tonight, so you guys will have the house to yourselves." She suggested.

"Carrie, look, maybe you and Sawyer can work through this…" Kate started to say.

Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows? Maybe, but right now I'd rather not think about it." She pushed herself off the dining room chair. "How about we watch some mindless movie that has nothing to do with romance or having babies?"

Hours later Sawyer returned to his house after his work day to find Kate sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Hey Freckles." He greeted nonchalantly. He thought about whether asking if she came home late last night would be a good idea but noticing the baby furniture still in the living room thought it best to not bring up the previous night.

Kate grabbed the remote and shut the television off. "Sawyer, we need to talk." She announced solemnly.

"Oh-oh" Sawyer smirked. "You breakin' up with me, Freckles?" He teased.

"Sawyer, please" Kate replied briskly. "I'm trying to be serious."

Flopping down on the recliner he threw his hands up. "Alright then, go ahead."

Taking a deep breath Kate turned a little more to face the blonde haired man better. "Well, first thing, you need to return the baby furniture."

"What?" Sawyer asked surprised. He wasn't expecting that request. "Why?"

"Because…it's too extravagant of a gesture, Sawyer." She told him.

"Oh please. It's just a crib and stuff. It's not like I went out and bought you a diamond ring." He retorted.

Kate shot him a look that told him she didn't find his comment funny. "I mean it Sawyer…this has to go back."

"You're being a little dramatic." He told her with a tone of irritability in his voice. He was getting upset with the idea that what he thought was a thoughtful gesture was getting thrown back in his face. "Are you sure those pregnancy hormones aren't acting up?"

Kate shot him an angry look. "That has nothing to do with this!"

"Really?" Sawyer continued. "Cause it sounds like they're clouding your judgment."

"What?"

"Yeah. I mean you're having a baby and this is baby furniture…"He gestured from Kate to the crib. "and you're gonna need…"

"You're not the baby's father!" Kate cried out.

Sawyer was taken aback by her outburst. He stared at her for a moment a brief look of hurt crossed his face before disappearing just as quickly. "So?"

"So…we're not your responsibility." Kate explained her tone a little softer, but still thick with emotion. "This…" she pointed at the crib. "…is something a father should be doing."

"Yeah, well he ain't around is he?" Sawyer snapped back wanting to inflict a little of the hurt he was feeling at her comment. The flash of pain in her eyes told Sawyer he had.

"You're such an ass!" Kate choked out.

While Sawyer felt a twinge of guilt he continued. "I wasn't such an ass when you decided to move to Vegas with me, was I?"

Kate could feel the tears pooling up but she was determined to keep them at bay.

"You know, you're the one that decided to leave Jack without telling him about the baby." He angrily pointed out.

"I didn't leave Jack…not like that!" Kate shot back. "Besides I have a reason and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know all about your noble reason you keep using as an excuse." He yelled.

"It's not an excuse!"

"Bullshit!" Sawyer told her. He knew that he shouldn't be fighting with Kate over this, but he couldn't help himself…there were too many emotions running through him that were screaming to get out. "You and I both know that you did what you've always been good at…running. Things got a little too much with the Doc and you ran. Hell, you probably weren't counting on things getting so serious with him, I bet! You figured you'd hang out with him for a while, have a good time and then move on."

"That's not true!" Kate spit out feeling the tear start to fall down her cheek. Angrily she brushed it away. "I'm in love Jack!"

"Really, then why are you here with me?" Sawyer replied hotly.

Kate wiped at another tear and took a deep breath. She couldn't believe what was happening – Sawyer deliberately was pushing her buttons. "I'm not with you!"

Sawyer dramatically looked around the room. "Oh yeah? So where is the Hero, huh? In one of the other rooms? On his way home from work? No, he ain't. He's back in his nice cushy house in the suburbs of L.A. taking care of HIS WIFE. By now they're probably sharing a bed…you know, what with old habits!"

SLAP!!! Sawyer felt the sting of Kate's hand across his right cheek.

"Go to hell, Sawyer!" She tearfully yelled before storming off to her bedroom and slamming the door shut.

He followed and stopped outside the door. "I was already planning on it!" He yelled back.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled out from behind her door.

Knowing she was done with him for the night he went into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of beer. He felt guilty for some of the things he had said. He hadn't meant to accuse her of running away from Jack. He had wanted to tell her that he did care about her and that he wanted to be there for her and the baby, but when she made it clear that it was still Jack that had her heart he snapped back and went into attack mode.

"Way to pick on a pregnant woman." He told himself softly as he took a swig of the beer. Rubbing his cheek he let out a snort. '_Damn Freckles, but you can pack a mean slap._' He thought to himself. Taking his beer to the living room he spied the furniture.

'_You need to return the furniture'_ Kate's voice replayed in his head. Figuring that she just needed some time to cool off he decided to move the furniture into the garage for now and give her a few days to change her mind. It didn't make sense when she was going to need a crib anyway to send this one back. Putting down the beer bottle he began to move the furniture out.

Kate meanwhile was laying in her bed fighting back tears. She couldn't believe that Sawyer would purposely hurt her with his comment about Jack and Sarah. Clutching her pillow she took a couple of deep breaths and wiped at the tears that stubbornly fell. It hurt to think that Jack was in L.A. living his life without her, but the idea that he could be getting closer to Sarah clutched at her heart.

"I trust Jack." She told herself. "Sawyer's just being an ass. He was always jealous of Jack on the island and it looks like that hasn't changed." Laying her head down on the pillow she let out a couple of small sobs. "I can't do this." She cried softly. "I can't do this."

After a couple more minutes of crying she wiped off her cheeks and took a couple of deep breaths. Reaching for the phone she dialed Jack's cell phone number. She needed to talk to him – just needed to hear his voice and she would feel better. Besides they had agreed that they could call each other if either one was having a bad day – and Kate definitely was having a bad day.

He picked it up on the 3 ring. "Hey you." He greeted warmly having seen her name come up on the caller ID.

"Hey" She replied back trying hard to keep her voice sounding normal. She didn't want him to know she had been crying.

"I was hoping you'd call soon." He continued. "How's Vegas? I got your postcards"

Kate smiled to herself. "It's okay." She told him. "There's always something going on."

Jack chuckled. "I can imagine. You and Carrie been hanging out at The Strip?" he teased.

"We've only been there a couple of times." She admitted. "It was fun."

Jack could tell by the hitch in her voice that something was bothering Kate. He debated whether to call her on it or to give her a little more time to bring it up on her own. "You guys find a place near the casinos?" He chose the latter for now.

"We found a place in Henderson…a small house. It was cheaper than living near The Strip." She explained. "I've been working a few temp office jobs and Carrie's got a job at Cesaer's Palace."

"So, it sounds like you guys have settled in." Jack commented, his voice having a hint of disappointment. He was hoping that she was calling to say she was coming back. He heard her let out another sigh. "Katie, is something wrong?" He asked softly.

Kate bit her lip as she relished the sound of his voice. It was like a blanket that wrapped around her helping to keep her warm. "It's just been a long day." She told him. "I just wanted…to talk to you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I miss you too." He told her. "I'm glad you called."

Kate smiled to herself. "I'm glad I called too." She whispered. "How are you doing?" She asked thinking that maybe it was time to tell Jack about the baby. After everything that had gone on today and her argument with Sawyer maybe it was time to fess up the truth.

"I'm doing okay. Work's about the same." He said casually.

"How's Sarah doing?" She asked tentatively almost afraid to hear the answer.

Jack frowned into the phone. "Actually, it's been a rough week for her. They changed up her chemo treatment and it's left her weaker and getting more sick to her stomach."

Kate felt a wave of disappointment come over her. "I'm sorry Jack."

"Yeah, me too." He said sadly.

"It's probably a good thing you've been there for her, huh?" Kate deduced trying to keep her emotions under control.

Jack stayed silent for a moment. "Yeah, it probably is." He admitted. "You know Kate, I get now what you were trying to tell me about being here for Sarah…so that she wouldn't go through this alone."

Kate could feel the tears coming back. She couldn't tell him now…not with Sarah being so sick. "I'm glad..." She said softly. "…that she has you helping her."

"I still miss you Katie." He confessed. "I wish you'd come home."

Kate wiped at the tear coming down her cheek. "I can't." She replied. "Not yet."

"You know what, Kate, I can't do this anymore." He said exasperated at the whole situation.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't keep begging to see you or spend time with you when you just turn me down." He told her.

Kate tried to choke back another wave of tears. "I know its hard Jack."

"Yeah, Kate it is!" He interrupted. "It is hard…too hard. I sit here day after day missing you and wondering if you're okay, if you're safe, waiting for a phone call or a postcard…and when you do call it's the same thing, you say you miss me…"

"I do miss you!" She interjected with a hurt tone in her voice.

"And yet you don't want to see me!"

"You know why." She told him.

"Because it's too hard, yeah I know." He replied sarcastically.

"Jack…" She said tearfully surprised at the way he was acting. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Because maybe all of this is starting to get to me…maybe the stress is too much for me. Only problem is I can't run away!" He snapped. At his comment he heard a small sob on the other end and instantly felt guilty for taking out his frustration about everything on her.

"I'm sorry I called." She said quickly. "I didn't mean…"

"Kate, don't." He said just as quickly. "I'm sorry for what I said."

She took a deep breath and wiped another tear that fell. "This is too hard isn't it? These phone calls?"

"Yeah," Jack answered truthfully. "Harder than I thought it would be."

Biting back more tears Kate nodded. "So, maybe…ahum…we…we shouldn't call anymore…ahum…until…"

"Until you come back to L.A." He finished her sentence solemnly. He could feel his throat tightening up.

"Okay." She sniffed sadly. "Maybe it is easier…for now."

"Nothing's easier until you're back here." He commented.

"I know." She told him. A moment of silence passed between them…each trying to get a hold of their emotions. Finally Kate spoke up again softly. "Ahum…can I still send you a postcard once in while?"

On the other end Jack smiled despite his eyes brimming with tears. "I'd like that."

Kate took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Good." She squeaked out. "I'd…ah…I guess I better go, huh?"

"Yeah, me too."

"Okay." Kate sighed.

"Hey!" he called out.

"Yeah?" She sniffled.

"I love you Katie." He said emotionally.

"I love you too Jack." She replied then slowly hung up the phone.

After placing the receiver back on the hook she grabbed her pillow and hugged it letting a new wave of tears spill. She felt truly alone for the first time in a long time. It was a feeling she had been used to while she had been a fugitive but hadn't felt since the crash…since meeting Jack and now he was pulling away. Now things were just crazy…out of whack and she knew that it was her doing…her actions had set all of this in motion.

_Bam_ _Bam._ She felt the baby kick…as if to remind her that she wasn't really alone. Rubbing her belly she let out a small tearstained smile. "It's just you and me, Sweetie." She whispered. "But we're gonna be okay. And we will be with daddy… hopefully soon."

As the baby continued to kick periodically Kate picked up the phone again. Her daughter would be arriving in less than two months and she knew that she would need some help…if for nothing else then to learn how to care for a newborn. There was one person she knew who could help and who had previously offered to be there for her.

"Hello?" A familiar Australian accented voice greeted.

"Hi Claire." Kate said.

"Kate, is that you?" Claire replied.

"Yeah, it's not a bad time is it?" She asked worriedly.

"No, of course not." Claire said cheerfully. "Aaron just went to sleep and Charlie's out checking out some local musician. How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"And the baby?"

"Active." Kate joked padding her stomach. "She's been kicking up a storm tonight."

Claire laughed. "I remember those nights. There were times when the moment I laid down Aaron would decide it was time for a jog."

"Same here." Kate smiled already feeling a little better. "I did have a little scare the other day though."

"What kind of scare?" Claire's voice held concern for her pregnant friend.

"I had false labor pains…ahum…"

"Brach ton Hick's." Claire interrupted.

"Ah huh. It was kind of scary and I went to the hospital. They ran some tests and everything is okay with the baby, she's fine…"

"Well, that's good."

"But the doctor noticed that there was a small separation in the lining of my uterus so she wants me to be on limited bed rest – 4 hours a day."

"Oh, Kate, that's too bad. But are you sure you're okay?" Claire asked still concerned.

"Yeah, they did a sonogram and checked out the baby completely. The doctor told me that the rest of the pregnancy should go as scheduled and I should be able to deliver normally." She explained.

"Well, that's good to hear." Claire sounded relieved.

"So, how are the boys?" Kate asked changing the subject.

"Aaron's just getting over a cold."

"Charlie still working on getting a band together?" Kate asked remembering their last conversation.

"Ah huh. That's where he's at tonight…some bar checking out a lead guitarist. You should see how excited he is about starting up performing again." Claire explained. "It's too bad his brother isn't interested in playing anymore."

"Well, at least Charlie's excited about all this."

"Excited to say the least, it's all he seems to talk about." Claire giggled. "So, Kate, what's up?"

Kate was caught off guard. "What?"

"Well, something must be up. You usually call during the day and if I'm not imagining things you sound a little off." The blonde deduced. "What's wrong?"

"Remember…ahum…your offer…a couple of weeks ago about me coming up there to stay with you guys?" Kate said slowly.

"Yeah?"

"Well…ahum…I've been thinking about it…and, well, I was hoping the offer was still good."

Claire almost let out a squeal. "Of course it's still good. You know you're welcome here anytime."

Kate smiled into the phone. "Okay."

"You're really coming up here?"

"I think so. I mean, the baby's coming in a few weeks and well, I think I'd feel better having you guys around…" Kate started to explain.

"What about Vegas…and Sawyer?" Claire asked still digging for a reason for Kate's decision. Did it have to do with the Southerner?

Feeling like she was carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders Kate told Claire about what had been developing, the argument and the feelings that she suspected Sawyer still had for her.

"Wow," Claire commented after Kate was done. "So, did he come out and say that he wanted to start something up with you?"

"Not in those words, but it's been everything. He's just gotten more possessive and now with this whole baby furniture thing…he didn't admit but he didn't deny." Kate explained. "And then the stuff he said about Jack, it was just laced with jealousy especially when I told him that I was still in love with Jack. It's almost like he thought that I was picking him when I agreed to come to Vegas with him."

"And what about Carrie? I mean isn't she still in the picture?" Claire asked about the red head.

"That's the sad part. She's the one that pointed this out. She and Sawyer had a bad argument the other night and I feel so bad because it was my idea for her to move up here." Kate's voice broke with emotion.

"Oh honey, it's not your fault. You can't help the way people feel." Claire told her. "If there's one thing I learned from my relationship with Thomas, you can't make somebody feel what you want them to."

"Yeah, I know."

"And besides, if Sawyer was thinking that you were wanting to start up something with him then that's his fault." Claire concluded. "He knows how you feel about Jack and you're carrying Jack's baby for goodness sake."

"I know." Kate said softly. "I just feel like maybe I might have given him some sort of sign without knowing it…"

"How would you have done that?"

"I don't know." Kate sighed. "He's been going out of his way making sure I eat the right stuff and get enough rest…and it felt nice to have someone taking care of me."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Kate."

"I know, but I can't help feeling like I gave him the wrong impression."

"He's a big boy, Kate." Claire said sternly. "And he's had plenty of experience with women."

"You're right." Kate let out another sigh. She still couldn't help feel a twinge of guilt over the situation.

"Kate, have you thought more about telling Jack?" Claire approached the subject tentatively knowing her friend's feelings were a bit raw.

This time Kate let out a small sniffle. "I can't tell him." She admitted. "I talked to him earlier and Sarah's doing poorly."

"And you don't want to get in the middle?"

"I can't." Kate told her friend. "She needs him…he even said so himself."

"Oh Kate, I'm sorry." Claire said sadly. "I wish there was something I could do to make everything better."

"You can," Kate said trying to sound cheerfully. "You can help me get ready for this baby and then teach me how to be a mom."

Claire giggled. "You got yourself a deal. I'll have the guest room ready for you when you get here. Do you know yet when you're coming up?"

"I'd like to get there as soon as I can."

"Well, you know you're really not suppose to fly in your 8th month." Claire warned.

"Actually I was thinking about driving up to Seattle, rather than fly, that way I can still have my car with me. I'm going to need it up there." She reasoned.

"Drive? All the way by yourself?" Claire fretted. "I'm not comfortable with you coming up here alone."

"I know, but…"

"Maybe Charlie could fly down there and then drive up with you." Claire offered.

"Or maybe I could ask my dad. He drove me up here from San Diego." Kate suggested.

"Well, let me check with Charlie and see what he thinks." Claire said. "He's going to be so excited to hear you're coming up here."

"I'm excited too." Kate admitted happily. She really did feel good about this decision. It did take her further away from Jack, but she'd be around Claire and Charlie and enjoy being part of their little family.

"I'll talk to him when he gets home tonight and I'll call you in the morning and we can finalize everything." Claire said matter of factly.

"Okay. And if he can't do it I can ask my dad. I'm sure he can do it." Kate replied.

The two finished up their conversation promising to talk to each other the next day to get the move finalized. Once she hung up the phone Kate felt better than she had in days. In her gut she knew she was doing the right thing – even if it looked like she was running again.

Knowing Carrie would be home in a couple of hours Kate left a note on her bed asking her to come to her room before she went to bed. She felt like she needed to tell Carrie what was going on before she told Sawyer.

Later that evening Kate heard a soft knocking on her door before it opened and Carrie stuck her head in. "You awake?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah, just watching some TV" Kate clicked off the remote. "Come in."

Carrie padded over and sat down on the edge of the bed. "So, what's up? How did things go with Sawyer?"

"Well, we had an argument and said some stuff, but other than that it went well." Kate replied sarcastically.

Carrie frowned. "I'm sorry Kate."

"Don't be. None of this is your fault." Kate told her. "It was probably a discussion we should have had before."

"So I noticed the furniture was gone from the living room."

"At least he listened to me there. I told him he needed to take it all back."

Carrie nodded. "So, is that what you wanted to talk about?"

"Actually, I wanted to tell you…I…ahum…I made a decision and I wanted to tell you." Kate started to explain.

"A decision about what?" Carrie asked cautiously.

"I called Claire tonight…ahum…the last time I talked to her she invited me to come up and stay with her and Charlie until the baby was born. To, you know, help out with everything. And well, I decided that I want to go."

"You're leaving?" Carrie asked surprised.

Kate nodded. "Yeah, I've been thinking about it since she made the offer and then this whole thing with Sawyer…I think it's better for everybody."

"Everybody? What about me?" Carrie asked suddenly feeling overwhelmed. Here she had made this move at Kate's request and now she was being left behind…with a guy that was probably in love with Kate.

"Carrie, I honestly didn't mean for you to get caught in the middle of all this." Kate said sincerely. "When I asked you to move up here I thought that you and Sawyer were heading towards something serious. I never meant for you to get hurt."

"Kate, this isn't your fault." Carrie told her friend. "I'm a big girl and I knew what I was doing. Besides, Sawyer wasn't the only reason I moved to Vegas." She reached over and took Kate's hand. "You've been the best friend I've had in a long time and with everything you've been going though I just though you could use all the support you could get. I moved up here to be that support…Sawyer was just a bonus."

Kate chuckled. "All the best laid plans huh?"

Carrie shrugged her shoulders. "Well, it hasn't been the first time I followed a guy and ended up on the losing end."

"Don't say that."

"It's not like I'm any worse off than if I had stayed in L.A. I mean, we're still friends, and I just traded in books for a pair of stilettos and a toga." She joked. "At least the tips are good."

Kate gave her friend a small smile but didn't say anything. She was amazed that Carrie was trying to put a positive spin on everything.

Carrie returned her smile. "So, when are you leaving?"

"As soon as I can. Claire's going to call me back tomorrow so we can finalize plans. She's going to talk to Charlie about flying down here to drive back with me." Kate explained. "She doesn't want me driving there alone."

"Well, you know, I can drive up there with you, if you want." Carrie offered impulsively.

"What about your job?" Kate asked. "Can you take the time off?"

"Actually, I've been thinking about moving back to L.A." Carrie confessed.

This time it was Kate's turn to be shocked. "Since when?"

"I don't know, the last couple, three days." The red head shrugged her shoulders. "And now, you'll be leaving so it's probably good timing."

"And Sawyer?" Kate asked softly.

Carrie shook her head. "I think that's pretty much played itself out, don't you think?"

"But maybe if I'm not here you two can work things out." Kate suggested.

"And be the girl that came in second?" Carrie replied. "No thanks. I'd rather just cut my losses and go back to L.A."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Kate admitted feeling bad for her friend.

Carrie slapped the side of the bed. "So, are we taking a road trip to Seattle?"

She chirped.

Kate pressed her lips together before she broke into a smile. "Yeah, looks like we're taking a road trip to Seattle."

Carrie reached over and hugged her friend and laughed. "Great, because I quit my job tonight."

"You what?"

"No big loss, trust me. Anymore time on this job and my feet would have turned into stumps." Carrie joked.

"You're crazy you know that?" Kate giggled.

"And yet you love me." Carrie replied sounding a bit like Sawyer. The Southerner must have rubbed off some on her. Jumping up from the bed Carrie cleared her throat. "Well, listen you and baby need your rest and it's late. So, how about we talk more about this tomorrow when Claire calls."

"Sounds good." Kate agreed. "I'll see you in the morning."

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: Sawyer learns the girls' plans_**


	26. Ch 26 Goodbye

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who took the time to drop me a review. I really appreciated it. And I'm going to try and reply back to you guys as I can - especially when you ask me a question in your comments. I know that right now this story seems to be advancing at a snails pace but I needed to get Kate's situation established - I will be pushing the story along and jumping ahead in some time to get to the 2nd half of this story (or the real heart of it) and bring Jack back!! Yes, I know that many of you are asking for his return and I miss him and Kate interacting together too. I want to write Jate scenes (even angry angsty ones). He will be coming back but it will be a few more chapters...don't ask me how many 'cause I'm not telling...but it's less than 12 - haha). Enjoy and please drop me a line or two about what you think - it helps hearing from you guys to know to keep writing this. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "Goodbye" by Alicia Keys, tho' I changed the "he" and "him" to "she" and "her" to fit the mood of this chapter.**

**Chapter 26 – GOODBYE**

**Mhmn bye bye**

**How do you love someone**

**That hurts you oh so bad**

**With intentions good**

**Was all _she_ ever had**

**But how do I let go when I've**

**Loved _her_ for so long and I've**

**Given _her_ all that I could**

**Maybe love is a hopeless crime**

**Giving up what seems your lifetime**

**What went wrong with something once so good**

**How do you find the words to say**

**To say goodbye**

**If your heart don't have the heart to say**

**To say goodbye**

**I know now I was naïve**

**Never knew where this would lead**

**And I'm not trying to take away**

**From the good _woman_ that _she_ is**

"What the hell do you mean you're leaving?" Sawyer asked curtly the next evening when Kate told him her plans. Carrie has retreated to her room thinking it was better to let Kate handle this alone.

"Just that," Kate replied. "Claire and I were talking and she invited me to come stay with them and I accepted. Carrie's going to drive up there with me."

"Red's going?" He asked surprised.

"Claire was worried about me driving up there by myself, so Carrie volunteered to go with." Kate explained.

Sawyer looked at the young woman sitting across from him with a shocked look on his face. He knew that she had gotten very upset over their argument but he figured after a day or two she would calm down and they could forget about…just like on the island. This time she was actually talking about going away.

"Is this because of our fight?" He surmised. "I'm mean it's no big deal Freckles."

Kate frowned. "It was a big deal Sawyer" She replied. There was still an uncomfortable tension between them signifying that they hadn't really resolved their argument or made amends. "But that's not the reason I'm leaving."

"Really, Sassafras? Well, fill me in." He retorted leaning back on his chair.

Choosing to ignore his smug attitude Kate held his gaze for a moment before looking away. "I want to go stay with Claire until the baby is born. She's been through this before so she can help…especially after the baby is born." She explained. "There's a lot me to learn and with Claire around I'll feel better."

"Seattle's pretty far from L.A…and Doc, don't you think?" He commented.

Kate shot him a look that essentially told him to back off. "I'm not going there Sawyer." She warned. "Leave it alone."

Sawyer shrugged his shoulders. "I'm just saying…"

"Look, I know you're mad 'cause I told you to take the furniture back and I'm sorry but I'm not having any conversation with you about Jack…not now." Kate told him sternly.

"Fine, no more talk about the Doc." Sawyer consented putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

Kate tugged at her maternity top smoothing it out over her protruding belly. "Look…Sawyer…about last night…"

"Save it." Sawyer interrupted.

Kate looked up at him surprised. "What?"

"You don't want the furniture, you made that perfectly clear." He replied. "I don't need to get a 2x4 upside my head to get your point."

Kate bit her bottom lip "But you're still mad at me." She stated guessing that he was using the furniture as a metaphor for his feelings.

"It's just a crib." He shot back.

"I'm talking about more than just the crib, Sawyer." Kate said.

"Really?" He refused to make eye contact with the pretty brunette, not wanting to give her any advantage at trying to read what he might be feeling.

Kate let out a deep sigh. _'Stubborn as always' _she thought to herself. "Can't we just talk about this?" She asked.

Sawyer looked over at her briefly and shrugged his shoulders. "You got something to say, go ahead."

Tilting her head back against the top of the chair Kate let out another deep breath and slowly pushed into the sides of her pregnant belly. Her lower back was starting to bark at her again, something that was happening more often these days.

"Back bothering you, Freckles?" Sawyer asked with a concerned tone in his voice.

She nodded. "It's to be expected, I guess." She mumbled.

Sawyer stood up and walked around the table to where she was sitting standing behind her. "Lean forward towards the table." He commanded.

Kate looked at him. "What?"

"Just lean forward for a moment." He told her gently pushing her shoulders towards the dining table. A moment later he was massaging her shoulders and gently kneading her tired muscles. Kate tensed up at his touch taken by surprise by his gesture but didn't say anything. Sawyer continued to slowly massage her shoulders pulling and pushing as he started to travel down her back bringing his hands to the area below her shoulder blades.

"Take a couple of deep breaths." He instructed pushing in a little deeper, his fingers following along the line of her spine.

Kate closed her eyes and breathed deeply like she was told. She felt herself relaxing as the massage continued the soreness in her back lessening. It seemed so long since she had any pampering and she was enjoying the small gesture.

Happy that Kate was letting him give her a massage Sawyer smiled to himself as he continued rubbing in circles. Knowing that her lower back was giving her trouble he lowered his hands down to just about the top of her pants and slipped his thumbs under the waistband and pressed in again rubbing in circles. A moment later he heard Kate let out a soft moan.

Breaking into a bigger grin he leaned forward putting his mouth down by her ear and whispered. "That feel good, Freckles?"

She nodded in response "Mmum humm". Her mind drifting back to the last time she had a massage…

Feeling pretty good about himself he leaned in a little more and placed a light kiss above her ear. "Better?"

Suddenly Kate sat up catching Sawyer off guard and hitting him on the jaw with the back of her head.

"Son of a…" Sawyer exclaimed.

"What are you doing?" She asked shocked.

"What _am_ I doing?" He rubbed his jaw. "You're the one with the hard head."

Kate jumped up from her chair and walked around to the other side of the table. "You shouldn't have done that." She told him.

"Aw, come on Freckles, you can't tell me that you didn't…"He started to say.

"Stop it!" She said firmly. "Just stop it."

"Stop what?" he asked stubbornly.

"This." She waved her hand around in no particular direction.

"What this?"

Realizing that he was trying to push her buttons Kate took a deep breath then turned and walked into the living room. He followed a minute later and found her sitting on the couch flipping through the TV channels.

"So what Freckles, you just walk out without finishing the conversation?" He commented behind her.

Keeping her eyes on the television screen she lowered the volume. "I'm sorry, Sawyer." She said solemnly.

"Was a little rude sweetheart." He smirked, sitting down on the other end of the couch.

"No, I'm sorry that I…that I hurt you because I don't feel the way you want me to." She explained sadly looking over briefly at him.

Feeling a pang of hurt and disappointment at her words he tried to shrug it off. "A little sure of yourself there, ain't ya, Freckles?" He tried to joke.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Kate shut off the television and turned to face the Southerner. Her green eyes moist as she stared at him, almost as if she was trying to penetrate into his soul. "I'm getting that you don't want to talk about this. That's fine…that's your choice. But I'm leaving in a couple of days and I don't want to leave things unsaid between us."

Sawyer looked away from her running a hand through his shaggy blonde hair. She was right – he definitely didn't want to have this conversation with her…mainly because he already knew how it would go.

"Sawyer, you're a good friend…you've been a good friend to me both on the island and here. And I can't thank you enough for doing what you did when you moved to Vegas with me." She felt tears starting to form and took another deep breath to keep them back. "It means a lot to me…you've been there for me…for me and my baby and I'll never forget that..." She sniffled. "You're important to me…and I care a lot about you."

Hearing the emotion in her voice Sawyer glanced up briefly at the pretty brunette and saw her give him a small smile. Making eye contact he searched her eyes and saw in them concern and caring but he also saw something missing. "Why does it sound like there's a 'but' there?" he asked.

Kate bit her lower lip and looked downward. "But I'm in love with Jack." She said softly.

Sawyer nodded slowly and let out a soft chuckle. "Like that's news."

"He's the father of my baby." Kate continued patting her stomach unconsciously. "And eventually we're going to get back together and be a family." She looked over at Sawyer.

"And we're reliving this song and dance why?" Sawyer asked with a touch of sarcasm in his voice.

"I just don't want there to be false hope." She replied softly.

Sawyer abruptly stood up and glanced down at Kate for a moment before walked around to the back of the couch. "Don't worry, Freckles…there ain't." he replied seriously.

Kate stood up and faced him across the couch. "Hey…ahum…you and me…are we going to be okay?" She asked, her face a mask of innocence that reminded Sawyer of a small child.

Talking a deep breath he paused before slowly nodding his head. "Eventually." He said then turned and walked out of the room.

Sawyer found Carrie the next morning as she was putting together a packing box in the garage. "Hey Red," He greeted lazily leaning against his truck parked nearby. "What 'cha doing?"

"Putting some boxes together." She said stating the obvious. She nodded over to the corner where he had stored the baby furniture. "I see you didn't get rid of it."

He let out an embarrassed chuckle, "Yeah, well, I thought she might of thought things over and change her mind."

"Oh."

"So, I hear you're driving Freckles to Seattle." He said.

"Yeah," She nodded. "She really shouldn't be driving all that way alone." Carrie remarked running the tape along the bottom of the cardboard box.

"Yeah probably not." He replied. "How long you planning on staying up there?"

Carrie looked over at the blonde haired man and realized that Kate hadn't told him everything. Continuing to look at him she tried to figure out what he was really thinking but couldn't get a reading. "Ahum…I'm not really sure. Maybe three or four days or so, help get Kate settled in."

"The casino giving you that much time off?" Sawyer fished.

Carrie played with the flap of the box for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. "Ahum…actually, I quit my job yesterday." She admitted.

Sawyer's face registered surprise. "You what?"

Carrie put down the empty box and wrapped her arms around herself. "I quit my job." She repeated.

"And why would you do that Sweetheart?"

Carrie rocked back and forth on her heels. "Actually Sawyer I've decided to go back to Los Angeles."

Taken back by her announcement Sawyer's head was reeling. First Kate and now Carrie…what the hell was going on? He knew that Carrie was probably still upset over their disagreement, but didn't think she had been so upset that she wanted to leave. "You moving back?"

"Yeah, I think it's for the best." She replied. "With Kate deciding to go to Seattle and everything that's happened…"

Sawyer took a couple of steps towards her. "I was thinking maybe we could try and work things out."

Carrie shook her head. "I deserve to be better than second choice." She told him firmly. "You can't have Kate so you figure you'd try and make things work with me, did you really think I'd go for that?"

"Come on Red, that's not what I was trying to do." Sawyer retorted.

"You're gonna stand there and tell me that you didn't try to make some sort of play for Kate?" Carrie challenged. Sawyer's eyes clouded over and his silence gave Carrie her answer. "God Sawyer, how desperate do you think I am?" She exclaimed. "Am I suppose to just ignore that you want to be with another woman…my best friend to be exact, and just continue being with you?"

Sawyer watched the young woman as she paced back and forth in front of him feeling bad for hurting her. Carrie was a sweet lady and he enjoyed his time with her which was one of the reasons he had suggested they work things out. He hadn't thought about the idea of her feeling like she was 2nd best.

"I want more than that." Carrie continued rubbing one side of her face. "The last two guys I dated turned out to be losers and I'm not doing that anymore, Sawyer, I'm sorry."

"I care about you Red." He told her hurt that she put him in the same category as her last two boyfriends.

Carrie stopped pacing and turned and faced him standing with her feet apart and her hands on her hips. "You care about her more. Sawyer, I know that if I stayed and we worked things out and three months from now Kate walked through that door and told you she wanted to be with you, you wouldn't hesitate." She said sadly.

Sawyer gave a sad chuckle. "That ain't happenin' Sweetheart. Freckles loves Jack. That's who she wants."

Carrie nodded. She did feel bad for Sawyer understanding what it was to want someone who wanted someone else. "I'm sorry Sawyer." She said softly. "I really am."

Looking around the garage Sawyer took and let out a deep breath. "Ahum, listen Red, I'm not really much with goodbyes, so…ahum…I think I'm gonna make myself scarce when you guys take off tomorrow."

"Don't you think Kate's going to want to say goodbye?"

He shook his head. "We've pretty much said what we needed to say."

"Okay."

They looked at each other for a moment standing in an uncomfortable silence.

"So…ahum…I guess this is going to be goodbye." Carrie said slowly.

He nodded. "I guess so." He wasn't sure whether to try and give her a hug or not, so he decided to let her dictate their actions. "So, Red…ahum…just so you know I did enjoy our time together."

She gave him a small smile. "I did too."

He reached out and took her hand and was happy when she didn't pull it back. "You're really a special girl and you're right…you do deserve better. You deserve a guy that is going to treat you like you're number one." She blushed slightly at his comment.

"Thanks." Letting go of his hand she bent down and picked up the cardboard box and started to turn to leave stopping at the garage door suddenly. Turning back to the blonde man she gave him a sincere smile. "You know, Sawyer, I hope you find someone that will make you happy." With that she walked out the door.

"I already did, Red." He mumbled sadly. "And she's on her way to Seattle to have another man's baby."

True to his word Sawyer left the house the next day without seeing either woman. Not having any particular place to go he headed for the strip and spent the new few hours hitting the slot machines and enjoying a cocktail or two. He tried to keep his mind off of the idea that when he finally did go home he would be returning to an empty house.

Though it had only been a short few months that they had all been living together he had gotten use to coming home and finding one or both girls home in the middle of their evening routine. They had made it a practice for the three of them to have dinner together at least twice a week each taking a turn at preparing dinner for the other two. Sipping his drink Sawyer chuckled as he remembered how it became apparent to the girls that, besides scrambled eggs, he could only really cook three actual meals – his aunt's Chicken and Dumplings, Chili and a variety of flavors of hamburger helper depending on which box he picked up at the grocery store. It got to where the girls would beg him to pick up a pizza or deli sandwiches on nights he was in charge of dinner.

Draining the last of his drink he stood up from the slot machine he had been playing and decided to go sit at the nearby casino bar and check out the crowd for a bit. A few minutes later a tall blonde in a short skirt and tank top caught his attention. Smiling at her he tipped his beer mug at her in a greeting. She returned a warm smile then leaned over and said something to the bartender. A few moments later another beer was delivered to Sawyer.

"From the young lady at the end of bar," the bartender explained.

Mouthing 'thank you' Sawyer picked up the mug and took a long swig. As he put down the mug he found the blonde had walked over to him and slid onto the bar stool next to him.

"Thanks for the beer." He said looking at her sideways.

"You're welcome." She replied smoothly resting her hands on the top of the bar.

"So, darlin'…you drinkin' alone?" Sawyer asked his southern drawl a bit heavier than usual.

"Well, I guess that all depends on you." She replied boldly.

Flashing a dimpled smile, Sawyer motioned over to the bartender and a few moments later a mixed drink was placed in front of the woman.

"Thanks. And it's nice to meet you…ahum…"

"James."

"James, I'm India." She replied flirtatiously.

"Are you sure he didn't come home?" Kate asked Carrie as they were finishing loading up the car the next morning.

"Doesn't look like it." Carrie replied as she pushed a small box into a corner of Kate's SUV. "When I talked to him yesterday he told me that he wasn't going to be here when we left…something about not being good at goodbyes."

Kate nodded. "Yeah, he's not." She said softly remembering back to the time on the island when he disappeared prior to leaving on Michael's raft. He had essentially said his goodbyes to her the night before over the fire.

"Sorry Kate." Carrie said sincerely knowing that her friend was disappointed about Sawyer being a no show.

"I'm not surprised. He wasn't too happy with me after our conversation." She commented. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

"Kate, it's not your fault." Carrie insisted. "You were being honest."

"I know, but it still doesn't take away that he's a good friend and I hurt his feelings." Kate replied thinking about the look on Sawyer's face during their argument when she told him where they stood. A flash that reminded Kate of a hurt little boy. "I just hope he comes around."

"He will." Carrie said confidentially. "He cares too much about you to walk away forever. He just needs some time to brood."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

They walked back into the house to get the last of their stuff to load up. Carrie had already packed her car with the belongings that she was planning on taking back to Los Angeles when she returned from Seattle. Her plan was to fly back from Seattle and leave that same day.

As Carrie checked around to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything Kate walked into the kitchen and placed a sealed envelope up against the coffee pot. It had "Sawyer" written on the front.

Satisfied they had everything the girls got into the SUV and made their way out of Las Vegas beginning the 21 hour drive to Seattle.

_Dear Jack,_

_I know that the last time we talked it didn't end like I wanted it to. The way either of us wanted it to. I was having such a bad day and I remember thinking how I just wanted to talk to you…to hear your voice and that everything would be better. You do that for me, clear things up and make sense out of confusing things. _

_And to be honest I had thought about telling you about baby – that was the other reason I was calling. I wanted to tell you that we're having a daughter, but then I heard about how hard a time Sarah is having and how much she is depending on you and I realized that I couldn't take you away…not yet. So I didn't say anything. _

_Carrie and I left for Seattle today. I decided to go and stay with Claire and Charlie at least until the baby is born. I'd feel much better being with them during this time and I think it's time to leave Vegas anyway. Carrie is coming with me so that I don't have to make the drive alone – she and Claire were worried about me traveling by myself this late in my pregnancy. I had a small scare a few days ago – it turned out to be false labor pains, but the doctor did put me on limited bed rest. She said that there was a slight gap in the lining of my uterus. The baby is okay and she's not in any danger at this point, but the doctor wanted to make sure that it didn't get worse so I'll be confined to a bed a few extra hours a day everyday. I'm doing everything I need to do to make sure nothing happens to our baby, Jack, I promise. _

_We should be getting into Seattle sometime tomorrow. We stopped in a motel for the night which is good because I can't sit for long periods of time without my ankles swelling up and I have to pee 10 times a day. Nobody tells you about this part of being pregnant. Or how I feel like I'm carrying around a basketball on my belly…and stretch marks! I went out and bought a big tub of cocoa butter just to help with those. I'm glad I only have a few weeks to go. Only a few more weeks and our little girl will be here. I can't wait._

_I love you _

_Kate_

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: The girls arrive in Seattle. It's Claire and Aaron time!_**


	27. Ch 27 Lean On Me

**A/N: Thanks again for all your comments. You guys are awesome in taking the time to drop me a little line to two to let me know what you think. It really does make a difference when you're writing these fics to know that there are people out there reading and enjoying (or getting frustrated – sorry, guys wink) Anyway this next installment is Seattle and that means Charlie, Claire and baby Aaron!!! I think it will be healing to Kate to be around these people.**

**And for those couple of you who are mad at Kate and think she's acting like the victim. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to write her that way. She knows that she put herself and Jack in this situation – part of her problem is that she didn't think through the entire plan when she set it in motion and now everything is kind of spun out of control and to be honest (and a bit of a spoiler for down the road) Kate is in a little denial that things aren't going to magically fix themselves when cough Sarah cough is cough gone. Anyway, enjoy and as always review, review, review!!!**

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "Lean On Me" sung by Bill Withers originally. **

**Chapter 27 – Lean On Me**

_**Sometimes in our lives we all have pain  
We all have sorrow  
But if we are wise  
We know that there's always tomorrow**_

_**Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on**_

_**Please swallow your pride  
If I have things you need to borrow  
For no one can fill those of your needs  
That you don't let show**_

_**Lean on me, when you're not strong  
And I'll be your friend  
I'll help you carry on  
For it won't be long  
'Til I'm gonna need  
Somebody to lean on**_

_**If there is a load you have to bear  
That you can't carry  
I'm right up the road  
I'll share your load  
If you just call me**_

_**So just call on me brother, when you need a hand  
We all need somebody to lean on  
I just might have a problem that you'd understand  
We all need somebody to lean on**_

"Kate, you're here!" Claire squealed when she opened the front door. Reaching over she pulled her friend into a big hug.

"Hey, Claire, it's good to see you too." Kate laughed as she returned the hug. The last time she had seen Claire was at Hurley's party about two months after their rescue to 'celebrate' the end of Kate's legal problems. Shortly after that Charlie and Claire had decided to move to Seattle…Claire had a great aunt that lived there and Charlie was interested in investigating the music scene there.

"Look at you," Claire pulled out of the hug and leaned back to look at a pregnant Kate. "You look great. Motherhood really agrees with you." She reached up and patted her tummy.

"Thanks." Kate blushed slightly. Remembering her other friend she turned slightly and made the introductions. "Claire, this is Carrie and Carrie this is Claire."

"I've heard so much about you." Both ladies said at the same time and laughed.

"Come on in." Claire led the two into the living room where they encountered a blonde haired toddler sitting in the middle of a train set.

"Aaron, look who's here – it's Aunt Kate." Claire told her son.

The child looked up and upon seeing Kate stood up and walked over. "Aunt Kate." He said.

"Oh, my, gosh, Aaron, you've getting so big." Kate bent down to address the little boy. She reached over and ran her hand along the side of his head noting how soft and shiny his hair was.

"Say hi to Aunt Kate." Claire instructed her son.

"Hi Aunt Kate." He replied giving her a goofy smile.

"Well, hi." She returned his smile.

"We've been practicing talking." She explained. "Right now he's into mimicking…just to warn you."

"Baby!" Aaron exclaimed pointing to Kate's stomach.

Laughing Kate looked up briefly at Claire then turned back to the boy. "Yeah, sweetie, baby." She said also pointing to her stomach.

Claire reached down and helped Kate back up on her feet. "Aaron, honey, why don't you go back and finishing playing with your trains, okay?"

The little boy nodded and quickly went back to the corner of the room to his toys.

"I was telling him that his Aunt Kate was coming to stay with us for awhile…until she had her baby and that kind of got us into a where's the baby thing." Claire said quickly. "Charlie about lost his teeth thinking we were going to have to have the where do babies come from talk. I mean he's barely going to be two! He was quite satisfied with _'baby comes out of a mommy's tummy'_ thank goodness."

Claire gestured for Kate and Carrie to sit on the couch. "You guys hungry?" She offered. "Something to drink."

"We ate on the way in." Kate told her then glanced over at Carrie. "I could use some water though. Carrie?"

"Water would be great." Carrie agreed.

Claire returned a couple of minutes later with a couple of bottles of water. "Charlie is going to be so excited to see you, Kate." She chatted. "He got the guest room all set up and he cleared off some space in the garage in case you've got some stuff to store there."

Kate smiled warmly. "That's sweet. I have a few boxes, but nothing too big."

"So, Carrie, you're staying here for a couple of days, right?" Claire turned her attention to the red head.

Taking a swig of water Carrie nodded. "Yeah, I hope I'm not putting you out."

"Of course not." Claire said quickly. "We have a futon in the office. It's pretty comfortable. The couch is a pull out too, if you prefer."

"No, the futon is fine." Carrie told her.

"So, Kate, how are doing? Tired?" Claire turned her attention back to her friend.

"More like sore." Kate replied. "My back is sore from sitting in the car."

"I remember those days." Claire nodded. "Trying being eight months pregnant and sleeping on sand…talk about sore."

"I guess we should probably unpack the car." Kate told Carrie.

"Oh no," Claire interjected. "Carrie and I will take care of that. You need to get some bed rest."

"Claire, I'm fine." Kate protested.

"Ah huh…doesn't matter. You're under doctor's orders, remember?" The Australian pointed out.

Kate sighed as she gently caressed her expanded belly. "I know. I just thought I could rest after…"

"We've got it covered." Carrie told her. "You just go rest."

Claire stood up. "Come on, I'll show you your room." She led Kate to the back of the house where their guest bedroom was located. The house itself was a modest split level 4 bedroom home located in a quiet neighborhood. Charlie had converted one of the bedrooms into an office and they had just renovated the kitchen adding more cabinets and new appliances. The backyard contained a large sandbox under one of the large oak trees for Aaron to play in along with a new swing set.

Walking down the hall Kate followed Claire into a large bedroom painted a soft rose color with a queen size bed against one wall and a large wooden dresser against another. There was even room in one corner by the window for a small reading table and chair.

"Here you go." Claire waved her head around the room. "Clean sheets on the bed, the dresser and the closet are all yours and the bathroom is right across the hall."

Kate looked over at her friend and smiled. She was glad that she had taken up Claire's offer to come and stay with them for awhile. The house felt warm and inviting and Claire's nurturing manner seemed soothing to Kate's soul.

"Okay, I'm going to let you get some rest. Don't worry about your stuff, Carrie and I will take care of it."

"Claire, wait." Kate reached out and grabbed her arm. "Do you have any magazines or something I can read?' She asked. "I'm not sleepy."

After getting her a couple of magazines and a book Claire went back into the living room to check on Carrie and found her sitting on the floor playing with Aaron. A short time later they had unloaded Kate's luggage and most of her smaller boxes leaving the larger ones for Charlie to store in the garage when he got home.

After they were done the two went into the kitchen and Carrie helped Claire start working on dinner while Aaron watched cartoons. Carrie found Claire to be a friendly and open person and the two hit it off fairly quickly. They were sitting in the kitchen laughing when Charlie came home.

"Hey, love, what's going on?" He kissed Claire on the cheek and glanced over at Carrie.

"Hi honey." She smiled. "This is Carrie…Kate's friend." She turned to the red head. "This is Charlie."

The two exchanged handshakes and then Charlie looked around expectantly. "So…where is Kate?" He asked.

"She's upstairs resting. She's got about another hour on her bed rest schedule." Claire explained.

"And Turniphead?"

"I sent him to play in his room about an hour ago." Claire replied.

Nodding Charlie excused himself and went down the hall to check on his son. He looked into the toddler's bedroom and found it empty. Worried he went and checked his and Claire's bedroom and also found it empty…along with the bathroom. Feeling the panic start up, he went back into the kitchen.

"He's not there." He announced panicky.

"What?" Claire asked as she took a sip of tea.

"Aaron…Aaron's not in his room." Charlie replied.

"He's probably in the living room playing with his train." Claire told him.

"I just looked in there and it's empty. I also checked our room and the bathrooms." Charlie spoke quickly.

Trying to keep calm Claire looked over at Carrie. "Well, he didn't come in here." She stood up and started to go towards the hallway. "He's probably in some corner somewhere."

"I'll check outside." Carrie offered and made her way to the backdoor.

Charlie went to go check the office hoping that he would find the toddler playing at the desk or even under it. Charlie tried to keep his panic under control reminding himself that they weren't on the island anymore. Aaron wasn't in constant danger…the Others weren't hiding somewhere waiting to hurt them. But it didn't matter how many times he told himself that he was still very protective of the 2 year old. Finding the den empty he returned down to the hall and was waved over by a smiling Claire.

Joining her at the partially opened door to the bedroom Kate was in, Charlie spoke up. "Claire, what the bloody…"

"Sshh." Claire put a finger up to her lips to quiet her husband and pushed the door open the rest of the way. Looking in Charlie saw Kate sleeping peacefully on the bed. And there curled up next to her was a sleeping Aaron, his face nestled against her shoulder and Kate's arm wrapped around his small body.

Looking back at his wife Charlie broke into a grin and stepped back from the doorway pulling the door behind him.

"That's so cute." Claire gushed as they started back down the hall.

"Looks like he remembers her after all." Charlie grinned. He definitely was glad that Kate had decided to come stay with them for a while. Despite being happy to be back in the real world with his 'new' family and back working on his music career, Charlie did miss being around the rest of the survivors on a daily basis and it would be nice to have Kate there. "Should we wake them?" He asked Claire.

The blonde haired woman shook her head. "Dinner won't be ready for another hour…let them sleep."

_Dear Jack,_

_We finally made it to Seattle and I've been settling in these last few days. It's been great to see Charlie, Claire and Aaron again. You wouldn't believe how much Aaron has changed since we last saw him. Claire has been fussing over me making sure I get enough rest and eat enough…she reminds me of you a little._

_Carrie left this morning and I miss her already. I wish that she could have stayed longer, but I know she's anxious to get back to L.A. and get back into the swing of things. She promised to come out again after the baby is born – I've asked her to be the Godmother – I hope that you won't mind, Jack. She's been there for me through all of this and I just felt that it was the right thing to do._

_Oh…your daughter is kicking and moving all over right now as I write this. She is not liking the four hour a day bed rest that I have to do. She must take after me on that – I don't know how the doctor expects me to rest when I keep having to get up to go to the bathroom every half hour. And just when I start to fall asleep she starts kicking up a storm. I think we're going to have to enroll her in soccer when she gets old enough._

_I'm down to my last month and I can't wait. I feel bloated, round and puffy and I swear I've started to waddle now when I walk. If you don't believe me I'm sticking a picture Charlie insisted on taking of me yesterday – a side view! And when you see this the word 'fat' better not even pop into your head._

_I'd better go now Aaron just came in and he wants me to read to him. _

_I love you Jack._

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: Charlie makes an appearance. Oh yeah, and some Jate fluff…_**


	28. Ch 28 Save Me From Myself

**A/N: Hey everyone, sorry for the delay I took in posting this next chapter…especially since I promised some Jate fluff. I hadn't planned on it, but I wanted to tweak it and then of course real life got in the way. I lost my beloved kitty cat today – she was killed by a car and I'm a basket case. I know to some of you it might be a little silly, but I had here for several years and she was a part of my family. So, I decided to sit down and get this chapter posted - I hope the reviews cheer me up. So, please let me know what you think. I love to read all your comments and suggestions. **

**Legal stuff: Don't own Lost or the characters. Don't own the song "Save Me From Myself" sung by Christina Aguilera. The lyrics kind of remind me of what Jack and Kate might be feeling when they're thinking about each other in this chapter. **

**Chapter 28 – Save Me From Myself**

_**It's not so easy loving me  
It gets so complicated  
All the things you gotta be  
Everything's changing  
But you're the truth  
I'm amazed by all your patience  
Everything I put you through **_

And when I'm about to fall  
Somehow you're always waiting  
Your open arms to catch me  
You're gonna save me from myself  
From myself, yes  
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch  
Well some guys have shown me aces  
But you've got that royal flush  
I know it's crazy everyday  
Well tomorrow maybe shaky  
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying  
'Cause when I start to crumble  
You know how to keep me smiling  
You always save me from myself  
From myself, myself  
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard  
But you've broken all my walls  
You've been my strength, so strong  
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness  
Is what I need to make me  
A better woman to myself  
To myself, myself  
You're gonna save me from myself

While she and Aaron were at the drug store Kate couldn't resist buying a postcard of the space needle and deciding to send it to Jack so at least he'd know where she was and that she was okay. Remembering how tense their last phone call had ended, she decided to keep the message simple.

Buying Aaron a juice they sat outside a deli at a picnic table. Getting an idea she pulled out a couple of markers and instructed Aaron to draw his "Uncle Jack" a picture on the postcard. Not really sure who Uncle Jack was but excited to display his artwork Aaron drew a picture that ended up looking like a brown uneven square with two big wavy black circles on the bottom. Underneath Kate wrote:

_Jack,_

_Aaron says HI – and he drew this for you. It's a train in case you can't tell. Just wanted to let you know I'm here and I'm okay. I also wanted to say I'm sorry about our last phone conversation…._

_If you haven't already guessed I'm in Seattle with Claire and Charlie. Las Vegas wasn't for me so I'm staying with them for a little while. I hope that you're not mad that I didn't tell you before, but it was a quick move._

_I love you and miss you always, Kate_

Sending it off before she could change her mind she left the small shopping center hoping it would bring a smile to his face.

Getting back home Kate found Claire's great aunt, Louise, in the kitchen straightening up. Claire had decided to go to work part-time as well as take a course at the local junior college, so Louise, who was retired, agreed to come over to help with the housework and babysit Aaron. Kate had taken an instant liking to the older woman finder her to be a cheerful and spunky lady who enjoyed mothering the whole lot of them. Though she stood an inch shorter than Claire and about 45 pounds heavier with short curly henna tinted hair, she never hesitated to voice her opinion if she felt necessary whether it was solicited or not. And despite her stature or maybe because of it, Charlie had confessed to Kate that the woman scared the "beejeevas" out of him – a fact that Kate found funny.

"So, did you two have a nice time at the store?" Louise greeted directing her question mainly at Aaron.

"Ah-huh." He nodded his head. "Aunt Kate bought me a book about twains." He told her holding up a book with a picture of a caboose on the front.

"Another book?" She exclaimed. "Isn't that nice? I'm sure you're going to be reading them in no time, Sweetie."

Aaron turned and looked up at Kate. "Can you wead it to me?" He asked sweetly.

Kate grinned back at him and ruffled his hair affectionately. "Sure, honey. I'll read it to you this afternoon."

"When we lay down?" The toddler said. Since she had moved in Aaron had gotten attached to Kate and even starting coming into her room when she was on her bed rest and laying with her having her read and color with him and then taking his nap there. Kate enjoyed his little visits and it gave her something to do while she was laid up beside watching television and reading cheesy novels.

Kate nodded. "Ah huh…when we lay down, okay?"

Aaron grinned then looked over at Louise. "Can I have a snack?" he asked.

A few minutes later he was sitting at the table with a small plate of cheese cubes and apple slices happily snacking while Louise fixed sandwiches for her and Kate.

Later on Kate was laying in bed flipping through a magazine when Charlie knocked on the door and came in.

"How are you doing?" He asked sitting down on the side of her bed.

"We're doing fine." Kate replied as she lovingly caressed her swollen belly.

"I still can't believe you're pregnant." Charlie grinned. "Look at you all nice and…round."

"Hey!"

"Ouch!" Charlie rubbed his arm where Kate had hit him.

"That wasn't very nice Charlie, calling a pregnant woman round." Kate retorted.

"Did I say round? I mean glowing…you're glowing." He said quickly.

"Ah huh…sure you did."

"Hey, Claire mentioned you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow…thought maybe I could drive you if you want." He offered.

"Nice of you to offer, but you don't have to." Kate told him.

"I know, but I don't mind. I remember when Claire was pregnant, it was hard to maneuver sometimes…of course she was trying to walk on sand and through that bloody jungle." He chuckled.

Kate joined in his laughter. "Not as hard around here."

"Still, I don't mind taking you…and I thought you might like some company beside a 2 year old."

Looking at Charlie Kate knew he was being sincere in his gesture, so she nodded. "Okay, the company would be nice."

"Splendid, then." He smiled before looking away. His eye caught the book on Kate's bedside table. "What's that?" He gestured with a head nod.

Glancing over at the direction Charlie was looking Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Oh, it's a baby journal."

"A baby journal?" He asked confused. "Isn't it a little early for the baby to have a diary?"

Kate laughed and shook her head. "No, it's MY journal. It's made for me to write down what happens as my pregnancy progresses and then stuff after the baby is born."

"Really?"

"It's got pages for the sonogram, for a picture of the mother to be…"

Charlie's face lit up. "Really? You know, one of my band mates, his wife, found out she's pregnant…this could be a good gift." Charlie stood up and reached over and picked up the book and flipped it open before Kate could stop him. "Dear Jack…" he mumbled.

"Charlie, no…leave that alone." Kate reached over and tried to pull the book away.

"You're writing to Jack?" He surmised.

"Give me that!" Kate had sat up and reached over and snatched the book from his hands pulling it close to her chest. "It's private."

"I thought it was just a journal." Charlie remarked surprised. He hadn't realized that he had invaded her privacy until he outburst. "Why is it addressed to Jack?"

Kate could feel a blush creep up her cheeks. She wasn't sure she was ready to share this with Charlie. "I just…it's just that it seemed kind of weird for me to just write the stuff down so I thought it would be easier if I made it like I was writing to someone…and besides he is the father."

"And you miss him." He added softly.

"I really don't want to talk about it, Charlie." Kate told him still clutching the journal.

"Okay." Charlie agreed knowing that he didn't want to upset the young woman. "But you know, eventually you're going to have to tell him about the baby. He needs to know."

"I know he does. And I'll tell him." She replied.

Charlie looked around nervously for a moment. "This doesn't have anything to do with Sawyer, does it?" He suddenly asked.

Kate glared at Charlie. "No, Sawyer has nothing to do with this." She snapped at him.

"Cause I know that you two were close on the island and…" he started to babble.

"This isn't about Sawyer! Just stay out of it…please." Kate told him her throat tightening with emotion.

"It's just…this is Jack…you'll know he'll do the right thing." Charlie continued trying, in his mind, to persuade her.

"That's not the issue." Kate said softly then shook her head. "Look, Charlie, I don't want to talk about this. Please, just drop it okay?"

Charlie looked over at Kate noticing the determined look on her face. "Okay, I'll drop it." He agreed then reached over and gently touched her shoulder. "You know, if you ever want to talk I'm here." He offered sweetly.

Kate gave him a small smile. "Thanks." Shoving the journal safely under the covers she widened the smile. "So, how's the band coming along?" She asked seeking to change the subject.

Charlie's face immediately lit up. "It's coming along. We've been doing some gigs here and there…mostly trying to get our name out and our music heard." He explained.

"Are you planning on recording anything?"

"Definitely. We need to get a real front man first, though. The guy we have now… well, I don't think it's the right one. But you know, I've been doing some session work for a few people…coming in recording as a studio musician." He continued, his enthusiasm clearly showing through.

Kate smiled as Charlie told her about his group and some of the gigs he had recently played. They chatted until Aaron came bouncing in with his book so Kate could read to him before his nap.

_Dear Jack,_

_I'm pretty much settled in here in Seattle. My first appointment with my new doctor went fine. He looked over my records from Vegas and examined me. He said everything looked good and I just needed to continue with the bed rest until the baby is born. I can't believe that I only have a month left. I got to hear her heart beat again – it was so amazing, I never get tired of hearing it._

_My dad is coming next week to visit. He's hoping to stay long enough to be here when the baby is born. I hope he gets to too. I'm really excited to see him again. Claire is going with me to a birthing class that I signed up for – she figures that since I delivered Aaron she should be there for our baby being born. Of course, she doesn't think it's fair that I get the option of using drugs while she had to do it completely natural!_

Kate put down her pen for a moment as a wave of guilt passed through her. She knew that it should be Jack going with her to the birthing classes and not Claire. But she also knew through Hurley that Sarah was in the hospital battling a case of pneumonia brought on by her weaken immune system. Her heart hurt knowing how wrong it was to keep this from Jack and she knew the longer she kept the secret the angrier Jack would likely be. He already had made it clear to her how he felt when she had lied to him in the past…and yet here she was keeping the biggest secret from him. _'And why'_ she asked herself, _'For Sarah's sake. She needs him.' _She told herself refusing to add that she…and the baby needed him too. Letting out a sigh she picked up the pen and continued…

_I know Jack that you're probably never going to understand why I did what I'm doing. I don't know if I can explain it so you'd understand. I only hope that you love me enough to forgive me when you do find out. I love you, Kate._

Los Angeles

Jack walked into his office, a cup of coffee in one hand and a couple of medical charts in the other. He had just finished checking on his last two patients and once he was through checking what was on his desk he planned on going up and looking in on Sarah before going home to get some sleep.

Sitting down at his desk he picked up a small stack of mail his secretary had left and shuffled through it with no real interest until he came to a postcard…with a picture of the Space Needle on it. Turning it over he read the back and a surprised look formed on his face. She went to stay with Claire and Charlie in Seattle. That was sudden, he thought to himself. But he wasn't too surprised. Kate made it clear that coming back to L.A. was something she wasn't ready to do yet. Maybe being around friends from the island would help her want to come home to him. He smirked at the picture Aaron had drawn picturing Kate sitting next to him encouraging him to draw something, handing him a marker or two.

Despite still being bothered by the fact that she had taken off to Seattle he took comfort in knowing where she was and that she was with friends and was safe. It hurt like hell not to have her close and to be able to see her and be with her, but he knew she still loved him and the postcard was proof of that. It was also proof that she was reaching out and apologizing for her part of their last argument. She wanted him to know that she wasn't still mad and hoped that he wasn't either.

Truth be told he stopped being mad shortly after the call. He tried hard to understand why she continued to take steps away from him and their relationship. He knew that she still carried the pain of her mother's death and the fact that she wasn't able to be with her. She had once told him that you never quite get over losing your mother no matter how old you were when she died. _'Maybe it's because your mother is always your safe place'_ Kate had commented at the time. _'And when you lose her you become a little more vulnerable And you're forced to grow up.'_

Rubbing his chin he stared at the picture on the postcard thinking back to the time after the rescue when Kate was told she was free of her criminal charges and free to plan the rest of her life.

_(Flashback)_

_After landing in Sidney and debarking the ship that had brought them from the island, Kate had been isolated from the rest of the survivors and taken into the custody of a U.S. Marshall. After a couple of days in Australia being put through a series of medical and psychological tests the survivors were put on a private plane (though many were leery of flying again) and returned to Los Angeles where they reunited with family and friends. _

_Jack had managed to catch a glimpse of Kate a couple of times in the back of the plane, but the Marshals wouldn't let him come close enough to speak with her. He watched her being escorted off the plane looking afraid and alone…so small walking between the two agents, her handcuffs hidden by a sweater. _

_Surprisingly, the media hadn't initially gotten wind of a fugitive being among the survivors so they were able to slip Kate out of the airport relatively easy. Jack had been grateful that she had been spared having to stand in front of reporters and cameras being humiliated and made to feel more of a criminal all over again._

_After reuniting with his mother and his grandfather the first call he made was to the family attorney explaining his need for a criminal attorney referral and getting the name of one of the top criminal defense lawyers in Southern California. But then Hurley had called telling Jack he had already retained this man to handle Kate's case. Jack was shocked by the big man's gesture but grateful all the same. Hurley simply wanted to repay Kate for all the kindness she had given everyone on the island…and he hated the idea of his favorite couple being split up...not after all they had gone through to be together. _

_It was over in a matter of days – less than two weeks really. The lawyer had filed motions and the court ruled that there wasn't enough evidence to try Kate for Wayne's death and the bank robbery charges were reduced to a weak "attempted robbery" charged. Somehow the three accomplices that Kate had shot did not want to press charges – Jack suspected money had been exchanged but it was never confirmed and Hurley was convinced that the Dharma Initiative had pulled some strings because in the end Kate was given a suspended sentence. _

_Jack still couldn't believe it as he stood in front of the mirror in his house adjusting his bow tie on his tux. He thought about everything that had happened since being rescued. All the interviews, the pictures, and the stories in the paper…everybody wanted to speak with the survivors. But after the initial rush of requests things had started to die down as other things happened in the world to take the reporters' attentions. And now Kate was being released and the media hype had started up again. Her attorney had quickly taken matters in his hand and announced that she would only grant one interview…with People Magazine. _

_Now, here they all were getting ready to attend a party for all the survivors…a last get together before they all went back to their old lives. The party was also a chance to help Kate celebrate her new found freedom. Hurley had planned it and was hosting it at one of the plush hotels he purchased before the crash._ _'__Black Tie Formal´_ _the hand delivered invitation had read. _

_A short time later Jack was walking in the lobby of the 'The Legacy Hotel' a welcome sign directing him to the "Reyes Affair". The ballroom was decorating in greens and whites with dining tables covered in green tablecloths with a white overlay, a china setting for each guest and a tropical flower centerpiece in the middle. A small stage had been set in the corner and a combo played music in the background. An open bar had been set up on each side of the ballroom along with dessert tables displaying an array of delicious cakes, pies and pastries. _

_As Jack walked in he was greeted by a waiter offering a glass of wine. Taking the glass in hand he was greeted cheerfully by a few of the survivors as he walked further into the ballroom. _

"_Well, it's about bloody time you got here." A distinct but familiar British voice came from behind him. Turning around he found a grinning Charlie standing there in a powder blue tuxedo with a ruffled shirt._

"_Hey Charlie, how are you?" Jack greeted trying not to laugh at his attire. "Ahum…blue huh?"_

_Charlie frowned as he looked down briefly at his tux. "Yeah, well, it's all they had left at the bloody rental shop in my size." He explained. "And Hurley insisted on having it black tie…I look like a bloody lounge singer."_

_Chuckling, Jack put a hand on Charlie's shoulder in an attempt to make him feel better. "It's not that bad."_

_But Charlie wasn't buying it. "Oh sure, spoken by the man who looks like James Bond in his tux." He deadpanned. "Let me guess…you own it, right?"_

_Jack nodded as he took a sip of wine. At that point Claire came over and joined them. She looked lovely in a lilac cocktail dress that seemed to compliment her coloring. Exchanging hugs with the doctor the two complimented each other before Jack asked about Aaron. _

"_Hurley was thoughtful enough to arrange with the hotel to have a sitter available. When we left he was up in the room playing with his toys oblivious to everything else."_

_As the trio stood and chatted Hurley and Sayid and his date, Nadia, joined them followed by Sun and Jin all chatting about what they were going to do next. As everyone conversed Jack glanced around the ballroom looking for Kate but didn't see the pretty brunette anywhere. Glancing down at his watch he wondered if maybe she had decided to skip the party at the last minute. Maybe she wasn't feeling up to all the attention or maybe she wasn't feeling well. He hadn't gotten a chance to speak with her since the ruling had come down the previous morning. Her lawyer whisked her away from the courthouse before the reporters who were hovering around the front could converge on her. When he called the attorney later the gentleman told Jack that an exhausted Kate had taken a sleeping pill and was sound asleep_

_Now, he stood there half listening to Hurley and Jin discussing Jin's new job with one of Hurley's companies not really interested in the conversation. 'His English has really improved.' Jack thought to himself as he noticed Charlie and Claire and Sayid and Nadia had gone out to the small dance floor to dance. His attention was suddenly directed to the entrance of the ballroom where he saw Sawyer at the door. Dressed in a white tux and cowboy boots he had his hair slicked back into a ponytail, his face still unshaven. Looking into the room he wore his trademark smirk and he surveyed the guests. But Jack's attention was drawn to who had just appeared and was standing next to the southerner – it was Kate._

_She was dressed in a figure hugging dark green dress with a V neckline and slightly off the shoulder cap sleeves. She had worn her hair loose in soft waves that cascaded over her shoulders. _

_Thought he thought she looked breathtaking he couldn't help but feel his stomach tie up in a knot. She had arrived with Sawyer. 'What the hell was going on?' Jack thought to himself. 'Was she Sawyer's date?' _

_After surveying the room for a moment Kate took a step into the room and Sawyer immediately put his hand on the small of her back and led to a nearby waiter to get a drink. Jack watched the blonde man lean in to say something to Kate who responded with a small laugh. He watched her look around the room and when she spotted him they locked eyes. He felt his stomach do a small flip as he looked at those mesmerizing green eyes. They seemed to sparkle with happiness as she broke into a grin and gave him a small wave._

_Glancing briefly at Sawyer he didn't return her greeting, instead his eyes narrowed a bit as he drained the rest of the wine in his glass. Breaking eye contact he put the glass down and started walking away mumbling an "excuse me" to Hurley and Jin and missing the confused look on Kate's face. Slipping between guests he made his way to the far side of the ballroom stopping at the bar and ordering a rum and coke before heading over to a set of French doors that led out to the empty balcony. Letting out a deep breath he walked over to the railing and leaned his forearms across the top railing glad to be alone. _

_He couldn't believe Kate had shown up to the party with Sawyer. What the hell was going on? Jack started to wonder if everything that had gone on between he and Kate on the island was forgotten in favor of the southerner. And he couldn't believe Sawyer strutting into the party dressed like some riverboat gambler grinning like he just hit the lottery. But then again, didn't he? Jack wondered. So, that's why she was late, he thought to himself, she was with Sawyer. He didn't even want to think about what they might have been doing. "There you go Jack, burned again." He whispered sarcastically as he glanced out to the city skyline. _

"_Hey" A soft voice came from behind him._

_Jack knew who it was without turning around. He debated for a moment whether to answer her or not before turning his head around to glanced at her. "Hey" he said then turned back to look at the city lights again. _

_She walked over to him her heels clicking softly on the balcony floor. Reaching him she cocked her head to the side and looked at him. "I was wondering where you went." She commented softly putting her hand on his forearm._

_Jack took a swig of his drink. "Well, now you know." He replied ignoring her touch._

_Kate looked at Jack trying to figure out what was going on with him. She still was wondering why he had turned away from her when she came into the ballroom_

"_What's wrong Jack?" She asked softly._

"_Nothing's wrong." He replied in a clip tone._

_Kate could tell he was lying. "So why did you leave the party then?" She probed bending her head to try and catch his gaze._

_Turning sideways briefly he shot her a look. "I came out to get some fresh air." He said again in the same short tone._

_Kate seemed to almost take a step back in reaction to his attitude and tone._

"_Stop that." She finally said reminiscent of a similar conversation they once had on the island._

"_Stop what?"_

"_Stop trying to push me away." She took a step closer to him and put her hand on his forearm again._

"_I'm not trying to do anything." Jack slipped his arm out of her gentle grasp noting the look of hurt flash on her face at the lost of contact. "I just came out here to be alone." He said hoping she would get the hint and leave._

_Kate looked down at her feet as if she was studying her black strap-y sandals looking for an answer. "Are you mad at me?" She asked in a soft, almost vulnerable voice._

_Jack couldn't believe that she would ask such a question, especially after coming to the party on the arm of the man who had competed with Jack for her affections. He thought once he and Kate had gotten together on the island that Sawyer had gotten the message and backed off. 'Obviously you were wrong.' Jack told himself. He really wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with Kate. Tonight was suppose to be a night of celebration…a night to think about the future and make plans. Instead he was being slapped in the face._

"_You are mad at me." Kate stated when Jack didn't answer her. _

_Pulling himself from his thoughts he replied without really thinking. "Don't you think I have a right?" _

"_What did I do?" Kate asked surprised._

"_Oh come on Kate, you're not really going to try and play that angle, are you?" He shot back getting into the conversation. If Kate wanted to do this, then so be it. He'd have his say and then leave._

"_What angle? What the hell are you talking about Jack?" She demanded totally confused as to what he could be angry about. She hadn't even had a chance to see him since the court made its decision._

"_I saw you Kate. I saw you walk in tonight with him." He told her angrily. "I mean, if you want to be with him…then fine. But the least you could have done is told me face to face…you owe me that much."_

"_Him who?" Kate asked then remembered who she had walked in the ballroom with. "Sawyer?" She asked incredulously._

"_Yeah, Kate…Sawyer." Jack replied sarcastically. "Who else."_

_Kate looked at Jack shocked for a moment at his accusation. 'He actually thinks I'm here with Sawyer.' She told herself. A moment later she burst out laughing. _

_Jack was taken by surprise by her laughter. That wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "Kate…"_

"_I can't believe you're still jealous over Sawyer." She chuckled. _

"_Glad you find that funny." He retorted disgruntled at her amusement._

_Kate let out another giggle. "I do, but only because you're so wrong." She replied. _

"_Oh really?" Jack still was not amused._

_Kate took a deep breath to regain her composure. "Yes, really." She reached over and took Jack's drink from his hand and drank down the last of the mixed drink licking her lips when she was done. "Hurley made arrangements for a bunch of the survivors to get hotel rooms until they decide what to do. I've got one and Sawyer's got one…"_

"_I really don't want to hear this." Jack interrupted._

"_Too bad because you're going to." She told him. "Anyway, I went out this afternoon to go look for just the right dress and shoes. I wanted to impress, you know? And after I got back and changed Sawyer called my room and asked me to come to his to help him with his tie. Apparently he was having a hard time with making an even bow."_

_Jack shook his head and let out what sounded like a snort. "If that isn't a line..." He mumbled._

_Kate rolled her eyes. "I went to his room and I fixed his tie." She explained sternly. "Then we walked down at the same time to the party."_

"_And he didn't hit on you?" Jack asked hotly._

_Kate smiled a little. She was enjoying Jack's discomfort with the situation. _

"_He asked me if I wanted to come to the party with him." She admitted and watched as an "I knew it" look flashed across the handsome doctor's face. "I told him that I already had someone waiting for me there."_

_Jack felt a smile building upon hearing her words. "Really?"_

_She smiled and nodded her head. "Really…but who knew he was going to hide out in some balcony and act like a jealous moron." She teased._

_Jack blushed and looked down at his feet for a moment. "I guess he is."_

_Kate reached over and took his chin in her hand and raised his head up and she leaned in closer to his face. "But you know," she said softly. "He looks so good in his tux that I'm going to have to forgive him." _

_Jack looked eyes with her noticing how the shade of green of her dress seemed to bring out her eyes that much more. "Oh yeah?" He licked his lips._

_Leaning a little closer Kate smiled again as she felt Jack's arms come around her waist. "Ah huh…but only if he promises to come back inside and play nice the rest of the evening."_

_Not breaking eye contact Jack smirked. "I think he can do that." Closing the remaining gap between them he captured her lips in his and pulled her closer to him enjoying how her body instantly molded into his. The kiss deepened as Kate's arms snaked around Jack's neck. They continued the kiss for a few moments longer until Kate broke it off much to Jack's dismay._

"_As nice as this is, there's a bunch of people inside that ballroom that are probably getting ready to send out a search party if we don't go back inside." Kate said smiling her fingers playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. _

"_Maybe we should sneak out." He teased._

"_Ah, Jack, come on. We're supposed to be celebrating tonight." She pointed out. "And...we've…got...lots…to...celebrate." She said emphasizing each word with a light kiss on his lips._

_Feeling a lot better than he did when he first came out to the balcony, Jack nodded. "Yes, we do, especially your freedom."_

"_Especially that." She agreed in a soft tone._

"_So…Ms. Austen, now that you're a free woman, what do you plan on doing?" Jack asked her._

_Kate looked a little surprised by his question and shrugging her shoulders she gently pulled out of their embrace. "Not really sure yet. I guess I'll need to look for a job and a place to live. I mean, Hurley offered the hotel room for as long as I need, but I don't want to take advantage." She walked over to the balcony railing at looked out at the city lights. "Plus, I've never been a room service type of girl, you know?"_

_Jack chuckled. "Really, 'cause I see you laying on a bed, the mini bar opened and a tray table of desserts at your side." He teased, happy when he saw her laugh with him. _

_Smiling he joined her on the railing. He had an idea that he had been toying with for a while looking for an opportune time to bring it up – now seemed like the right time. "Seriously, I have a suggestion on a place to live." He said coyly._

_Kate looked over at him quite interested. "Oh really? Is it nice?"_

"_I think so."_

"_What kind of rent? I mean, I can't afford all that much, especially until I know how much I'd be making." She said quickly._

"_Rent is low and very negotiable. Probably cost you a couple of cooked dinners and a few kisses." He revealed._

_Kate caught on quickly and while she was surprised at what he was hinting at she was certainly not against the idea. "A few kisses huh?" She turned and with her fingers started to "walk" up Jack's forearm teasing the handsome doctor. "So, I wouldn't have to sleep with the landlord then?"_

_Glancing down at her fingers for a moment he looked back up and smiled broadly. Reaching out he took one of her curls in his fingers and rolled it back and forth. "That would actually be considered a fringe benefit. One of the amenities of living there." He joked._

_Kate blushed but didn't say anything for a moment so Jack spoke up again – this time his tone took a serious tone. "I mean it Kate." He said looking into her eyes. "I'd like you to move in."_

"_Are you sure?" She asked tentatively._

"_Positive." He replied reaching over and placing his hands on her hips pulling her in a little closer. "Move in with me."_

_Feeling her eyes starting to tear up she sniffed back a tear and nodded her head. For the first time in a long time she was free to follow her heart and it was leading her to a house in the suburbs…with Jack. "Okay." She agreed happily falling into his arms again for a loving embrace followed by a kiss that "sealed" the deal._

Back in his office Jack thought about how carefree and fun the rest of the evening went. They had joined the rest of their friends for dinner and some dancing before retiring to Kate's hotel room where they had celebrated their reunion properly. The next morning Kate packed her few possessions and cheerfully checked out of the hotel and left with Jack to start on their future.

'_And here we are'_ Jack thought to himself as he tapped the postcard on his desktop. _'Living apart and our future on indefinite hold.'_ Part of him wanted to book the next plane to Seattle and go out there and get her. But a bigger part of him, the logical part, knew that if he did that and tried to force Kate into doing something she wasn't ready for he would risk losing her forever. But maybe if he called Claire…no, he quickly dismissed the idea. Kate had to come home when she was ready, not before.

Sighing he glanced down at his watch and realized that he needed to go check on Sarah before he left the hospital for the end of the day. Stashing the postcard in one of his desk drawers he picked up his briefcase and left his office.

**TBC**

**_Upcoming chapter: A new arrival is coming…_**


	29. Ch 29 The Arrival Pt 1

**_A/N: Many apologies for such a long delay. I was actually writing up two chapters because they go together and I wanted to finish up the next chapter so I could post it pretty darn quick – that is if you guys review review review – such a shameless attempt at blackmail. And just a side note I have been reading all of your comments and the one underlying theme (bring Jack back) Of course that is going to happen and I've got it planned how it will happen...as I've said before some things need to fall into place which they should in the next few chapters (can't say how many 'cause to be honest I'm not sure...but it won't be a bunch). Anyway, let me know how you guys are liking this, what you'd like to see happen - you never know I could include it in an upcoming chapter. _**

**CHAPTER 28 – The Arrival Pt 1**

Kate padded into the living room, her steps almost shifting from side to side with the weight of her pregnant belly. At 8 ½ months the baby was shifting positions and dropping getting ready for the impending birth. Kate herself was more than ready. She was tired of back aches, feet swelling and sleepless nights. It seemed harder and harder to find a comfortable position to sleep in anymore. Some nights she found it easier to come into the living room and sleep on the recliner than the bed.

Munching on a potato chip she carried a bag of chips in one hand and a jar of dip in the other. She walked over to the recliner and carefully sunk into the chair. Dipping another chip into the jar she placed on the table she happily munched on her snack as she felt the baby move around, her movements making Kate think she must be stretching.

Rubbing her stomach she giggled. "Look who's waking up." She said softly. "Getting ready for another day of leisure, huh? Well, be nice to mommy today, okay? Maybe a little less kicking."

"Who you talking to, Aunt Kate?" Aaron walked into the room carrying one of his plastic trains.

Kate smiled. "I was talking to the baby."

Aaron looked at her wide eyed. "The baby can hear you?"

She nodded. "I like to think she does."

"Can the baby hear me?" He walked over closer to her.

Grinning Kate reached out her hand to Aaron and pulled him next to her. "Sure. Why don't you talk to her? I bet she'd like it."

Giving Kate a goofy smile Aaron leaned closer to her expanded tummy. His face then turned serious as he thought about what he wanted to say. "Hi Kate's baby." He said sweetly. "Hurry and get here so we can play." He looked up at Kate who had broken into a big smile as she ruffled his tousled hair. "Did she hear me?"

"I think so." Kate took his hand and put it on her stomach. A moment later the child felt a thump against his hand. "That's her way of saying 'Hi'".

Aaron's face lit up with a smile. "She heard me." He said excitedly. "Can I talk to her some more?"

"Sure."

For the next couple of minutes Kate sat and watched as the little boy leaned against her stomach and talked. He told the baby about his train and other toys some of the conversation turning into a jumble of childish babble most of which Kate could only make out in pieces. The conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. Pushing herself out of the chair Kate made her way to the door.

Opening the door she found Sam Austen on the other side, a suitcase in one hand and a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

"Daddy! You're here." She squealed cheerfully and reached over to try and hug him before pulling him inside. "I thought you weren't coming for another couple of days."

Dropping his luggage on the floor he hugged before pulling back and looking at her. She had barely really started showing when she had been down at his place in San Diego and now here was his little girl…his Katie standing before him her pregnant stomach full and round and her face glowing as she was getting ready to have his grandchild.

"What's wrong, Daddy?" She asked noticing the weird smile on his face.

Taking one of her hands in his he brought it up to his lips and gave it a quick kiss. "You look so pretty Katie." He told her emotionally.

Blushing she looked down at her feet…or at least where her feet should be since lately she hadn't been able to see her feet most of the time. Looking back up with a grin on her face she took her dad's hand and placed it on her stomach. Together they waited for a moment before Sam's face lit up when he felt the baby kick a couple of times.

"That's your granddaughter." She said softly.

As his eyes crinkled with his smile light tears formed at the corners. _His granddaughter._ It seemed like it was just yesterday that he was teaching Kate to walk and now she was going to be a mother soon with her own little girl.

"So, everything is okay with your baby?" He asked as she led him into the living room.

"Ah huh. My new doctor is very nice. I had a complete check up right after I got here

and the baby's fine and everything is normal." Kate told him as they sat down.

"And you're still doing the bed rest?" He questioned with a slight stern tone to his voice.

"Every day." She confirmed. "And before you ask, I'm eating lots of fruits and vegetables and drinking plenty of milk and getting enough sleep."

Sam chuckled as he put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay, I promise to try and not mother you while I'm here."

"Good because Claire is already taken that role." Kate said as she reached over and took his hand in hers…a big smile on her face. "I'm glad you're here."

Squeezing her hand he returned the smile. "Me too. Can't wait for that baby of yours to get here."

"You're going to spoil her rotten, aren't you?" Kate said making it sound more like a statement than a question.

"That's what grandfathers do." He told her.

Before she could say anything else Kate felt a tapping on her arm and saw that Aaron had shyly come up and by the couch next to her. "What Sweetie?" She asked.

He looked from her to Sam and then back to her again. "Who's that?" He asked in a soft whisper.

"That's my dad." Kate told him in the same soft whisper.

"Rweally?" He asked with a surprised look on his face. "Your dad?"

Grinning briefly at Sam Kate nodded. "Yup…Aaron this is my dad Sam. Daddy, this is Claire's son Aaron."

Smiling warmly at the blonde haired little boy Sam bent down towards him and extended his hand. "It's nice to meet you Aaron." He announced shaking the child's hand.

"Hi." Aaron said bashfully.

"Well, I guess I should show you where you're going to sleep so that you can get settled in." She pushed herself off the couch and led Sam back out to his bags. Aaron following close at foot. As Sam reached for his suitcase Aaron came around and looked up at him.

"Can I help?" He asked Sam.

"Well, they're probably a bit heavy." Sam told him but after Aaron gave him another lisped 'pwease' he handed him the strap to his duffle bag and chuckled as the little boy tugged on it and dragged the bag behind him (with some help from Kate's foot pushing) as they walked down the short hall.

"I hope you don't mind but we've set you up in the den. The couch pulls out." Kate explained as they entered the room.

"That's okay, Katie. Like I told you before I don't mind getting a hotel room."

"Don't be silly. You're staying here. It's all set." She made her way into the room that had been straightened and cleaned by Charlie's and the previous day. Charlie had brought down a small dresser that had been in Aaron's room for Sam to store his clothes in. "You can put your clothes in here. The pull out has clean sheets and I'll get you some pillows. The bed's not super comfortable but…"

Sam put up his hand to protest. "Honey, don't worry about it. I've slept in fox holes, remember?"

Laughing Kate reached over and hugged him again, letting him wrap his arms around her relishing his warmth. "Thanks for being here Daddy." She said in a soft sweet voice.

"No place I'd rather be." He whispered placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

The next few days went by rather quickly as Sam settled in and the Pace family welcomed him into their circle. Sam had arranged with the Army to do a temporary tour of duty in Seattle acting as the army liaison at the nearby air force base. This was going to allow him to be able to stay in the city for an longer period of time and be there when the baby was born.

Concerned about his daughter Sam had stayed up with Charlie one night to discuss her current situation with the father of the baby. Charlie explained that Kate did not want to talk about it with him but as far as he knew Kate still hadn't told Jack anything. As a father himself Sam had hoped that with the impending birth she would have called Jack by now. Charlie told him about Hurley's visit and the news he brought about Sarah's bout with pneumonia which he figured added to Kate's refusal to make the phone call. Though Claire and he didn't think it was the right thing Charlie told Sam that they were keeping their opinions to themselves and just supporting Kate with what she needed. Agreeing with the Brit that at this point it was better to stay out of it Sam decided to concentrate on spending time with his daughter and reconnecting with her as they waited for the birth.

About a week after Sam had arrived Charlie decided to go to Eugene to check out a couple of singers he had heard about. He decided to take Claire and Aaron with him and enjoy a short family vacation. Claire wasn't too comfortable with leaving Kate this late in her pregnancy but Sam assured her he had everything under control.

Deciding to make it a true experience for Aaron Charlie booked seats on the Amtrak instead of driving which thrilled Aaron to no end when they told him he would be riding in a real train.

The morning of their departure was chaotic as Charlie and Sam loaded up the SVU with their luggage scrambling around to make sure all of Aaron's necessities were packed along with Charlie's guitar.

"Just wait until you have to travel with a child." Claire had warned Kate as the expectant mom tried to keep Aaron occupied and out of his mother's way.

Once everything was loaded up Sam drove them to the train station and saw them off while Kate stayed behind for her bed rest.

"Katie, honey…really, you don't have to make me breakfast. I can grab something on the way in." Sam told his daughter.

"Don't be silly." Kate told him as she cracked a couple of eggs into the frying pan. "I like cooking. I don't get to do it as much with Claire and her aunt around."

It was a couple of days after Claire and Charlie had left and the two were already falling into a comfortable routine. Since arriving Sam would go to the base for a few hours then return in the late afternoon and spend that time with Kate. A month earlier Kate had found an antique crib at a yard sale that she had fallen in love with. Sam cheerfully stripped and refinished it and replaced the hardware to get it back in shape.

Kate had decided to fix up one end of her spacious bedroom as a small nursery that way she could keep the baby close. The crib fit perfectly in the corner near the window. A dresser and changing table completed the set. With one wall painted a soft shade of pink and sporting a strip of wall paper trim decorated with teddy bears and a few stuffed animals adoring the furniture the area was ready for the pending arrival.

"So, Daddy, I was thinking, maybe we could go shopping today after you get home." Kate suggested as they finished up breakfast.

"There's suppose to be a pretty heavy storm moving in tonight." Sam commented.

"But not until later. I was thinking we could go early."

Sam looked over at the pretty brunette and smiled. She had this hopeful look on her face that got to Sam. He always found it hard to deny her even the smallest things. "Okay, I'll even see if I can finish up a little early."

"Thanks Daddy." She broke into a big smile as Sam stood up and walked over and kissed the top of her head with an _'I'll see you later'_ before leaving the house.

As Kate went about her morning she found her back started to ache, more than usual. She tried taking a warm shower and even went for a short walk but the pain continued and even radiated to the front at times. She tossed and turned through her bed rest not seeming to be able to find a comfortable position for too long of a time.

By the time Sam got home Kate had managed to get up and change into a fresh outfit despite the off and on spasms of pain. Not wanting to cancel the shopping trip Kate didn't tell Sam how she was feeling other than her back was a little stiff.

As the clouds started to build and become dark Kate and her father made their way through Target stopping, of course, at the baby department for a few things that Sam thought Kate needed. From there they stopped at the grocery store before swinging by a takeout place for some dinner before rushing home as the light steady rain started to turn into heavy rain drops accented with lighting and thunder.

Once home Kate took the bag of takeout food into the kitchen to set on plates while Sam unloaded the rest of the packages.

Rubbing her back Kate took in a breath when she felt the pain radiate to the front again for a moment before passing. Though the back pain and occasional cramps had persisted all afternoon she dismissed the idea of it being labor because she wasn't due for another two weeks and this pain didn't feel like the false labor she had experienced a couple of months back.

"It's really coming down out there." Sam commented as he came into the kitchen his hair damp from the rain. "Good night to stay in that's for sure."

Kate pointed to the plates of food, "You want to eat here or in the living room?"

"A little TV might be nice." He replied.

"Okay. There's some TV trays behind that door if you want to set them up." Kate instructed as she picked up the plates.

A short time later the two were settled on the couch with a movie on. As Kate picked at her chicken she found she really didn't have much of an appetite.

"You okay honey?" Sam asked concerned. "You didn't eat much and you look a little pale?"

She nodded. "My back's still bothering me a little and I guess I wasn't hungry."

Sam reached over and put a comforting hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed it. "I remember your mother once saying how uncomfortable she was her last month pregnant with you. She said she couldn't even sleep much because she couldn't find a comfortable spot on the bed."

Kate smiled at his reminiscing. It was rare for him to talk much about Diane during her pregnancy since he had spent it overseas and…of course the fact that he wasn't the biological father.

"Did she really?" Kate tried to keep the topic going.

"She sent me a picture of herself and wrote the words 'big as a blimp' on the back as joke." He chuckled.

"I know the feeling." Kate mumbled. Suddenly she felt her mood shift as her curiosity was peaked. "Daddy, when…when did you know…that I wasn't…yours?" She asked in a tiny vulnerable voice. She was almost afraid to hear the answer.

Sam took a deep breath. They had never really talked about this. "Diane actually told me in a letter." He revealed. "Probably not the best way to have done it, but I suppose for her it was easier than having a face to face confrontation."

"How mad were you?" Kate asked softly.

Sam ran his hand across the top of his head. "Probably about as mad as I could be. Busted up a local bar pretty bad as I remember, not to mention the two guys I sent to the infirmary with busted up faces."

"Really?"

He nodded. "But in the end I was more hurt than angry. I loved your mother and I had made a commitment to her and I thought she felt the same."

Kate instantly felt bad for bringing up these memories for her father. She knew that what he had gone through with Diane had been a painful time in his life and one that he didn't talk much about. "Why'd you stay those five years?"

Pausing for a moment to take a drink of his beer Sam thought about Kate's question for a moment. "A lot of reasons, I guess. For one the very next letter your mom wrote to me said how _'sorry´_ she was, that it had been a moment of weakness for her and that she still loved me and wanted to try and fix us. She said she wanted to be with me and asked me if I would be able to stay with her and help her raise the baby."

"Did you believe her?" Kate asked as she shifted around trying to find a spot on the couch to lean back on hoping to ignore the discomfort she was still feeling wanting to continue this conversation with her father instead.

"I'm not sure. I guess at the time I wanted to believe her. I mean despite everything I was still in love with her so it wasn't going to be easy to just walk away. But at the same time I knew that Diane had dated Wayne before we met so she obviously still had feelings for him, but it wasn't him she was asking to stay with her. It wasn't him she was asking to be the father of her child. "Taking another long swig of his beer Sam glanced over at his daughter smiled. He knew the real reason why he had stayed.

"So, you decided to come back and give her another chance." Kate said more as a statement than a question.

"To be perfectly honest I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I rotated back to the States a few months later and I remember coming into our house and there was Diane standing next to a small white bassinette and inside was this beautiful tiny baby girl and she was dressed in a soft pink and white onsie. When I picked her up and held her and she opened her eyes and looked at me…I…I just fell in love." Sam recalled emotionally.

Kate felt her eyes start to welt up with tears at hearing his words. Despite all the bad stuff that had happened with Wayne one of the best things her mother ever did for her was choose to make Sam her father. She couldn't imagine loving him any more than she did as he told the story.

Wiping back a tear Sam reached over and squeezed her hand. "No matter what happened between your mother and I after that I never once regretted the decision to stay and be your father. You are the best thing to every happen to me."

Kate choked back her tears as she reached over and hugged her father whispering a soft _'I love you'. _Then she pulled back with a short intake of breath as she felt a wave of pain radiate to her front again.

Sam noticed her discomfort. "Katie, are you okay?" he asked as he pulled back from her to look her over. "What's wrong?"

She quickly shook her head. "Nothing…just a little cramp."

"Are you having contractions? Should we get you to the hospital?" He asked nervously and started to stand up.

"No, no, I'm fine. It's too soon, Daddy. I'm not due for another couple of weeks." She reasoned.

"Well, babies don't always follow a time table. They pretty much come when they want to." Sam replied extending his hand down to her.

Kate took a deep breath and felt better as the pain subsided. "There, it's gone." She told him. "It was probably just indigestion…something I ate earlier. Sometimes she doesn't like certain foods and let's me know about it."

Sam looked at her like he didn't quite believe her. "Are you sure honey?" He asked slowly. "Nothing wrong with running you to the hospital just to be sure."

Kate glanced across the room out the window. "I'm fine, really. Besides it's raining pretty hard…it'd be a mess to go driving to the hospital just for indigestion." She said lightly.

"Katie…"

"Please, Dad, I'm fine now." She reiterated stubbornly.

Shaking his head Sam gave in. "Okay, but if you're still having these pains in the morning we're going, deal?"

Kate smiled and put her hand out to Sam to have him pulled her up to her feet. "Deal."

A moment later a bright flash of lightening was followed by a loud clasp of thunder and the house went dark.

"Great." Kate sighed.

"Do you have a flashlight nearby?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I think there's one in the drawer in the tv stand." Kate told him.

Sam made his way to the television and was able to locate the flashlight quickly. Turning it on he glanced out the front window. "Looks like the whole neighborhood is out." He made his way back to Kate. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I think I'm gonna go ahead and go to bed…see if I can get some sleep." Kate told him.

Nodding Sam flashed the light in front of them. "I'll walk you to your room."

Together they made their way through the darken house to Kate's room.

"You come get me if you start to feel worse, okay, Katie?" Sam instructed.

She nodded slowly. "I will, but I'm sure I'll feel better after I get some sleep."

Exchanging good nights with her father Kate went into her room and changed in her pajamas before slipping into bed.

Three hours later Sam heard a knock on his door that brought him out of his sleep.

"Daddy!" Kate's panicked voice broke through his sleep induced fog. "Daddy."

Jumping out of bed he stumbled to the door. "What's wrong Katie?"

"My water broke."

**_TBC – the littlest Shepard makes an appearance_**.


	30. Ch 30 The Arrival Pt II

_**A/N: Thank you to those of you who reviewed. As always I enjoy reading what you think and your reactions to the story. Please keep them coming. Good, bad, short, long...**_

****

**CHAPTER 29 – The Arrival, Part II**

"Daddy, my water broke."

Sam sat up like a shot and quickly reached for the light forgetting for a moment that the power had gone out. Luckily Kate had a flashlight.

"What? Are you sure?" He jumped out of bed and met Kate half way into the room.

Kate nodded. "I got up to go to the bathroom and before I could get back in bed I felt it." Her voice cracked with emotion.

Sam took a deep breath, "Okay. How are the contractions coming? How far apart are they?"

"I'm not sure…" Suddenly Kate gripped his arm. "O-o-oh…ow…ow"

"Okay, sweetheart, you need to breath." Sam instructed trying to stay calm. A moment later the contraction passed. "That's good. That's good." He guided Kate over to the sofa bed and helped her sit down. "Okay, looks like we need to get you to the hospital." He looked around and found the flashlight he had used earlier.

"Daddy, I need my bag from upstairs." Kate told him. "It's already to go by my bed."

"Okay, I'll go get it. Stay here and doing your breathing if another contraction hits."

"Daddy…" Kate called out as he started to leave.

"What's wrong?"

"You might need some pants." She laughed.

Looking down Sam realized that he was still in just his boxers and t-shirt. Quickly slipping into some pants he grabbed his jacket and headed upstairs to Kate's bedroom. Finding the bag where she told him it would be he returned to find Kate trying to work through another contraction.

"Okay, Katie, I got your bag and here's your coat. Grab my arm and let me help you up." When she was on her feet he helped her slip on her coat.

"I need shoes." She said pointing down to her socked feet.

Sam sprung back to Kate's room and returned with a pair of tennis shoes that he helped her put on. They started to make their way to the door.

"Since it's still raining pretty hard you wait here and I'll pull the car up as close as I can to the door." He instructed.

Watching her father go out the front door Kate rubbed her expanded stomach.

"You know, you're not due for another couple of weeks, right?" She said out loud. A minute later she was hit with another contraction. Moaning in pain she grabbed onto the wall and tried taking deep breaths…_'What was taking Sam so long?'_

Suddenly the door opened and Sam came in drenched. "Looks like the battery's dead." He announced.

"What?" Kate gasped. "But it can't be. I mean we just used it."

"I know, but it won't start now and the headlights won't even come on." He told her making his way back into the living room. "I'll call 911."

A moment later Sam was on the phone with the Fire Department Dispatcher who advised him because of the bad weather and a surge of calls they would get there as soon as they could. In the meantime he was advised to keep Kate as comfortable as he could and to time her contractions. If they were under 5 minutes apart and the paramedics weren't there he would need to call back for further instructions.

Hanging up the phone Sam turned and faced a worried looking Kate. "You hanging in there?" He asked gently as he rubbed her arms.

She nodded. "Are they coming soon?"

"Yeah, they're going to get here as soon as they can. Why don't you sit down?" He led her to the recliner and helped her sit down. "We're going to need to time your contractions." He looked down at his bare wrist. "Let me go get my watch."

Finally settled Sam timed the next couple of contractions while trying to help her work through them. The Dispatcher had advised him to try and keep Kate sitting or standing until the paramedics arrived, but the contractions were now about six minutes apart and Sam was worried that they might not make it in time.

Kate for her part was trying to stay calm…trying to remember everything from her birthing class and missing Claire who was suppose to be her coach through this. She watched Sam as he set up a couple of emergency lanterns that Charlie kept in the garage. They illuminated the room with a warm glow while outside the sky lit up with the crackles of lightening as the rain continued to fall.

"How are you doing?" Sam asked her as he came and sat on the arm of the recliner.

Kate nodded. "They're getting stronger. Do you think the paramedics will get here soon?"

Sam glanced down at his watch. "I hope so. They said they'd get here as soon as they could." He commented then looked over at his daughter's worried face. "How about I call them and see what's going on?" He offered grabbing his cell phone and walking out of the room.

Kate, meanwhile, continued to practice her breathing. _'Oh God'_ she thought to herself. _'It hurts'_ How was she going to do this? The paramedics had to get here in time…they had to. She had planned on giving birth in the hospital not at home with no painkillers in the middle of a rain storm. This is as bad as Claire giving birth to Aaron in the middle of the jungle. Of course, Claire didn't have an EMT coming – she got stuck with an inexperienced Kate and a nervous Charlie. But if Kate had been back on the island right now chances are Jack would be delivering their child.

"Oh God, Jack." She moaned as another contraction hit her.

"They should be here any time." Sam told her as he hurried back into the room. Grabbing her hand he gave it a squeeze and did the deep breathing with her.

"If they don't get here soon you might have to deliver your granddaughter." Kate commented as she could feel tears forming.

"Won't be the first time." Sam replied softly.

Kate turned her head and looked at him in surprise. He nodded. "Well, not a granddaughter, of course, but a few years ago while I was on a short tour in Laos."

"What happened?" Kate asked eager to get her mind off of the current situation if only for a moment or two.

"We had been out doing special maneuvers and as we were coming back we saw one of the local ambulances hit a pot hole in the road, very few of the roads were paved. Anyway, it hit the pot hole and the driver must have overcorrected because the next thing we knew the ambulance went up in the air, flipped and came crashing down on its roof in a ditch. By the time we got to the wreckage we found the driver dead."

"Oh how sad." Kate gripped her father's hand tightly and nodded for him to continue.

"In the back was this young couple. The husband had been knocked out with a head injury, but he was still alive. The wife was in full blown labor."

"So, what did you do?" Kate's voice was halted by the pain of an upcoming contraction. "Oh God…"

"Katie, breath…Come on breath." Sam told her glancing at his watch. The contractions were now about 5 minutes apart. The baby was coming and coming soon.

"Daddy…I…can't…" Kate cried.

"Yes, you can." Sam told her firmly. "Come on, you're doing fine. Just keep breathing." He coaxed.

A few minutes later the contraction was over and Sam realized he needed to get Kate ready. "Katie, we need to get your sweatpants off." He told her. "I'm going to go get some blankets and some antiseptic."

"I'm thirsty." She said meekly.

"Okay." He brushed a stray stand of hair from her sweaty forehead. "I'll get you some ice chips. Meanwhile see if you can take your pants off for now, okay?"

Staying in the recliner Kate wiggled and pushed her pants off and grabbed the small cover and laid it over her bare legs.

Sam returned shortly with the supplies and handed Kate a cup of broken up ice cubes with a spoon which she greedily accepted.

"So, you delivered that lady's baby?" She asked.

Sam nodded. "We got her into the back of our truck and with a few army blankets, alcohol from the med kit and an army knife, I delivered her son." He said proudly.

"She was lucky you were there." Kate gasped. "But a knife?" She spooned some more chips on her tongue and sucked on them.

"To cut the umbilical cord." He explained.

Kate scrunched up her face. "Can you use scissors this time?"

Before Sam could answer they heard a loud knock on the front door followed by "Fire Department!"

"Thank God." Same jumped to his feet and went to the front door to let them in. The paramedics, a male and his female partner, quickly came over to Kate as Sam filled them in on what was going on.

The female paramedic approached Kate first smiling warmly. "Hi. How are you doing?"

"I've been better." Kate tried to joke.

The young woman laughed. "What's your name, honey?"

"Kate."

"Well, Kate, I'm Dina and this is my partner Pete." She said pointing to the blonde haired man kneeling next to Kate who was putting the blood pressure cuff on her arm.

"Hi…e-e-e" Kate felt another contraction come on and involuntarily grabbed Dina's forearm.

"Okay, breathe Kate…" Dina coached. "You're doing good. Just don't push yet, okay?"

With beads of sweat lightly starting to form on her forehead Kate nodded and worked her way through another contraction before falling back against the recliner.

"Getting stronger, are they?" Dina asked.

Kate nodded weakly. "And closer."

Glancing over at Pete who gave her Kate's vitals, she looked over at Kate. "Kate, I'm going to take a quick peak and see what's going on with the baby, okay?"

Again Kate nodded and watched Dina carefully lift the blanket up and with the help of a flashlight she checked on the baby's progress. Once done she put the blanket back down and looked up at Sam. "Is there somewhere we can move Kate to get her more comfortable? A bed?"

"Ahum…"

"Move me?" Kate asked in a panicked voice. "Aren't we going to the hospital?"

Dina reached out and took her hand. "The storm is pretty bad and the roads are a mess and your labor is too far along that I'm afraid we wouldn't get to Northwestern in time." She explained carefully.

"University…is…closer." Kate panted.

"They closed their ER about an hour ago and are diverting patients to Northwestern." Pete explained. "And there are two major accidents in this area that are blocking the main road."

Kate felt fresh tears spring to her eyes as she turned her head to seek Sam. He took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"It'll be okay." He promised her.

Dina nodded. "It'll be fine, Kate. I've delivered five babies and Pete…he's delivered what? Six?"

"Seven." Pete corrected with a grin.

"See, we're experts in this." Dina chirped.

"I delivered my friend's baby." Kate told her tearfully. "And my dad…he delivered a baby once."

Dina chuckled. "Well then, I can't see why you'd be worried with a roomful of delivery experience. Everything's going to go fine."

Under Sam's direction they moved Kate to the sofa bed in the den since it was the closest room. Within minutes Dina and Pete had her settled in and managed to put in an I.V. with a mild pain killer in her arm. Pete assured her it wouldn't harm the baby and would take the edge off of her pain.

The contractions were becoming stronger and Sam had taken a position at Kate's side. Holding her hand he talked her through her contractions as she pushed and followed Dina's instructions.

"Okay, Kate, on this next contraction I want you to give me a big push." Dina instructed.

"I can't." Kate cried feeling a wave of exhaustion hitting. "I can't push anymore."

"You're gonna have to." Dina replied.

"I'm too…too tired." Kate said as tears started to fall. "I…I c-can't."

"Yes, you can." Sam told her sternly. "You can do this, Katie."

"Daddy, I can't." She shook her head.

Reaching with his free hand he smoothed back her damp hair and gave her a soft kiss on her temple. "I know you're scared, but you can do this. You're strong enough. After everything you've been through you've proven that. And you know what? At the end of this you're going to have a beautiful little girl who you're going to love more than you ever imagined possible." Sam whispered in her ear emotionally.

Kate looked over at his face, her tear stained face soften by his words.

"I'll be here to help." Sam whispered then positioned himself behind Kate helping her sit up a little higher…her back leaning against his chest. Just then the next contraction hit.

"Okay, Kate, push…push." Dina called out as Kate, using her father as leverage, gritted her teeth and pushed. "That's good!" Dina nodded quickly. "I can see the head."

Kate fell back against her father who grabbed a nearby damp cloth and wiped her forehead. "That's my girl." He said softly.

"Okay, Kate, on this next contraction I want you to push as hard as you can until I tell you to stop, okay?" Dina told her.

Taking a deep breath Kate nodded and again when the next contraction hit she bit down and pushed with everything she had left, crying out as she did. "One…two…"

"That's it. Come on Kate, you're doing great." Dina called out. "The baby's crowning…keep pushing!"

"three…four…" She gasped. "five…"

Dina reached up and cupped the tiny head as it came out of the birth canal. She looked up at Kate smiling as the younger woman flopped back against Sam again. "You're doing great, Sweetie. You're almost done. One more big push, okay?"

"One more?" Kate asked exasperated.

"Just one more time, I promise." The female paramedic told her. "Just to get her shoulders out, okay?"

Again Kate nodded and again she bit down and pushed again softly counting to five in a halted voice. Sam called out words of encouragement trying to bite back the pain from Kate squeezing his hand.

Dina held on to the head and neck and turned the baby to get the shoulders through. Then calling out to stop pushing she guided the rest of the baby out. Smiling broadly she turned the newborn on it's side and quickly cleaned out its mouth and nose. A moment later the baby's first cries filled the room.

"Congratulations! You have a healthy baby girl!" Dina announced holding up the crying child for Sam and Kate to see. Crying tears of joy Kate squeezed her father's hand as she tried to sit up to get a better look.

"You did it." Sam kissed the side of her head, his own tears forming.

"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Grandpa?" Dina asked.

Sam looked down at Kate who nodded. "Go ahead."

Laying Kate back down against the pillows Sam walked over to Dina and the child. Taking the scissors from Pete he placed them against the cord and snipped never taking his eyes off the baby.

"Okay, why don't you go with Pete…he's going to check this little girl out and get her cleaned up. Kate and I have a little more to do here." Dina handed the baby to her partner and he and Sam retreated to the bathroom while Dina turned her attention back to Kate.

"I'll get her cleaned off if you can grab me a blanket to wrap her in." Pete said as they stood at the sink.

"Sure." Sam retreated to Kate's room and found one of the receiving blankets they had bought on the dresser. When he returned Pete had wiped her off and was checking her heart and lungs.

"Ten fingers and ten toes and a good strong heartbeat…her breathing is clear too." Pete declared cheerfully as he slipped on a diaper that they carried in their kit.

Taking the blanket from Sam he quickly wrapped up the infant snug and tight.

"Pretty good at that." Sam commented.

"Should be. I got four of my own at home." He looked down at the baby and smiled. "How about you meet Grandpa, huh? You want to do that?" He cooed.

The baby wiggled in response. Pete handed over the bundle to a beaming Sam who nervously took her in his arms. Looking down at the infant Sam felt his heart melt like it did 28 years ago when he had first held Kate.

"Well, hello angel." Sam said softly, "We've been waiting for you. I'm your grandfather…yes, I am."

The baby squeaked in response. She turned her head towards Sam's voice trying to focus her eyes. Sam rocked his arms gently back and forth totally getting lost in the moment.

Pete stepped out for a couple of minutes then returned. "Kate's all set if you want to take the baby to her. We should be able to leave for the hospital in a little while." He told the older man.

Nodding Sam continued to look down at the baby girl. "Let's go see your mom, okay? I'm sure she's anxious to see you." He followed Pete back out to the den where he found an exhausted looking Kate sitting up on the pull out couch. She broke out into a smile when she saw Sam enter the room with his arms full.

"Hi Daddy."

"Hi. I've got somebody here that wants to meet you." He told her.

"Yeah?" She held out her arms and watch intently as Sam placed the baby – her daughter – in her arms. Pulling her close to her chest Kate looked at her for a moment before looking up at her father.

"She's beautiful." She remarked emotionally, tears starting to form.

"Just like her mother." Sam placed a gently kiss on her forehead. "I'm proud of you Katie, you did it just like I told you you could."

"I guess I did." She turned her gaze back to the infant. Lovingly she traced her finger along the baby's tiny nose and lips. At that moment the baby opened her tiny eyes again and looked up at Kate.

"Hi Sweetie." Kate whispered. "Hi. I'm your mother." She bent over and placed a soft kiss on her light fuzzy hair and nuzzled the side of her head with her chin. "I love you so very much." She said even softer into the baby's ear.

"Kate, we're ready to go." Dina announced as she came into the room.

"Okay." Kate said still gazing at her daughter.

"I'll need to take the baby for a bit while Pete gets you settled in our truck." Dina held out her arms on which she had a thermal blanket drapped across. "It's still wet and chilly out there."

Kate transferred the baby to the paramedic while her partner and Sam helped Kate to her feet and onto the small gurney and loaded everybody into the back of their medic truck. They drove to the hospital in relative ease arriving a short time later. Kate and the baby were given the once over in ER before being taken up to the maternity ward to check in.

Kate was settled in, Sam at her side, when the nurse walked in pushing a small bassinette into the room.

"Here she is." The nurse, who's nametag read 'Cindy' said cheerfully. "We've got her bathed and cleaned up and ready to see mom again."

Kate looked into the bassinette and saw the newborn wrapped in a blanket, her eyes wide open and her right arm outside the blanket clenched in a fist. Sam picked her up and handed her to Kate to cuddle. As she held her close the baby let out a yawn and closed her eyes…Kate beamed.

The nurse handed Sam some papers. "Most of the paperwork has been done, but we just need some insurance information and finalizing the birth certificate." She chatted pleasantly. She turned her attention to Kate. "She's had a thorough check up and everything looks good. She had a little temperature when you two first got here but that's most likely due to the stress of the birth."

"Are you sure?" Kate asked a bit alarmed.

"She's fine," Cindy assured the new mother, touching the baby's head. "And she's a cutie."

"Thanks." Kate smiled proudly.

"So, were you planning on breast feeding?" The nurse asked.

Kate nodded. "I want to."

"Okay, good. Someone from La Leche organization will be in here in a little while to teach you and this sweet little girl what you need to know."

With that the nurse left the room leaving the three of them together. Sam walked over and pulled a chair over and sat down next to the bed. "So, Katie, have you decided what you're going to name this little angel?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"Yeah…" Kate softly placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead as the baby slept contently in her mother's arms. "Emma Samantha Shepard."

_**Post A/N: Well there she is – the Littlest Shepard. I know that most of you wanted Jack to be there for the birth of his daughter. I'm so sorry – I wanted him there too, but when I sketched out this story originally this is how it played out. There's been some changes and tweaking of the storylines as I've gone along, but that particular point had to stay as planned. (Trust me…it's very important to the story). And let me tell you it was hard to not change with everyone asking for it…but then that would have totally caused havoc to what I have planned going on. Just know that Jack will find out and he will get to meet his daughter. Also know that it will be soon – I've got to "clean up" some stuff in the next few chapters (and only a few – I'm going to push through those events to get to the good stuff) so hang in there! **_

_**TBC – Back to LA for a some Jack update.**_


	31. Ch 31 Life Goes On

_**A/N: I'm so sorry about the delay. I've actually written a couple of chapters. I'll post the next one before the end of the weekend if I get good responses…wink **_

_**Seriously, these chapters I'm currently working on are kind of "transition chapters" A lot of stuff is going to happen in them and things will advance at times kind of quickly. I hope I don't confused people. I'm just trying to get the story to where I need it to be again….As always let me know what you think I love, love, love reviews. Hint hint…**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song "Life Goes On" sung by Poison.**_

**CHAPTER 31 – Life Goes On**

_**I felt this before**_

_**Now I feel it again**_

_**No matter how hard I try**_

_**This feeling won't end**_

_**So I pretend you're here by my side**_

_**Tonight on this lonely ride**_

_**I keep telling myself that**_

_**Chorus:**_

_**Life goes on while you're miles away**_

_**And I need you**_

_**Time goes on as night steals the day**_

_**There's nothing I can do**_

_**You heal up my wounds**_

_**I tasted your tears**_

_**You spilled out your heart**_

_**So I let out my fears**_

_**But one fear that I kept to myself**_

_**Was how I prayed that you'd love no one else**_

_**Like you're saying you love me**_

_**Chorus**_

_**If you only knew how much I miss you**_

_**When my mind plays these tricks on me**_

_**It shows me things I don't want to see**_

_**That's why I tell myself**_

_**I keep telling myself**_

_**Just take another piece of me**_

_**Chorus**_

_**And this last mile I travel with you**_

_Dear Jack,_

_Our daughter was born yesterday morning at 3:47a.m. She's 19" long and weighs 6lbs 2 ozs. I named her Emma Samantha Shepard. She's beautiful with a head of dark hair and these sweet little cheeks. I'm not sure what color her eyes are going to be yet – the nurse says all babies are usually born with these bluish grey color and then they change over the next couple of days. But she has your mouth and my nose._

_The nurse brought her in to stay with me last night and all I did was sit there holding her and watching her sleep. I kept thinking about what an incredible miracle she is. She's so perfect – her little hands and tiny fingers and her little toes too. I can't get over it. And she's ours. I already love her so much I can't believe it. _

_Here's her first "official" photo that the hospital took. Check out the pink bow they put on her I don't think she likes it very much. Love, Kate. _

L.A.

Jack came into the townhouse, his body weary from several hours in surgery. As he entered the living room he heard laughter and music coming from the kitchen along with a delicious aroma that filled the air. He found Sarah and Judy chatting cheerfully as Sarah was buttering some garlic bread.

"There you are!" Sarah greeted him cheerfully. "I was hoping you didn't get hung up."

"What's going on?" he asked confused to see her up and around.

"What does it look like?" Sarah gestured towards the stove."I'm making dinner."

"Are you sure you're up for that?" his voice laced with concern.

"Sarah nodded. "I'm fine, really…I feel good."

"I just don't want you to overdo it." He said as he looked over at Judy, who was putting together a salad. Judy shrugged her shoulders.

"I won't. I promise." Sarah assured him touched by his concern. Walking over to him she playfully tugged at his tie. "Why don't you go take a shower? Dinner will be ready soon. I'm sure you're hungry."

"Yeah, I am actually." Jack looked over her shoulder to the stove. "It smells good." He commented before retreating to his bathroom for a quick hot shower.

By the time he re-emerged the table was set and the girls were serving the food. Sarah had cooked the dish she was good at – Rigatoni…along with a big, green salad and garlic toast.

"There's cheesecake for dessert." Sarah commented before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Jack reached out and grabbed Judy's arm and pulled her towards him. "She okay?" he asked in a hushed tone. "Really?"

Judy gave him a small smile. "Look at her, she's full of energy."

Before Jack could comment further Sarah came back in with a bottle of wine and glasses for Judy and Jack.

"I'm having juice, but there's no reason you two can't have some wine with dinner." She handled the bottle to Jack to open.

The three of them sat down and had an enjoyable meal with light hearted conversation. After dessert Judy excused herself to leave for home, but not before promising Sarah they could go shopping the next afternoon if Sarah was still fooling good.

Later, after taking a shower and changing into her pajamas Sarah joined Jack in the living room where he was watching television.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now." Jack told her as she flopped on the couch.

"I'll turn in soon. I wasn't really sleepy yet." She turned her attention to the television screen and saw Jack had been watching an old crime drama. "Streets of San Francisco?" She gasped. "Oh my gosh…I haven't seen that in years."

"Yeah, they're usually on late at night."

Nodding Sarah stretched her feet out onto the coffee table. "Had a good time at dinner?" She asked glancing at him sideways.

"Yeah, it was good." He replied. "Thanks."

"I'm glad. I had fun cooking." She grinned.

"Well, you probably should take it easy…" he started to caution.

"I'm fine, Jack, really…I feel fine."

"I know you do today, but…Sarah…this…doesn't mean."

"I know I'm not cured, Jack." Sarah replied quickly. "I'm not that delusional."

"Sarah, I didn't say you were being delusional." Jack told her gently. "I just don't want you to think because you feel good right now that that means you can go out and do all sorts of things."

Sarah shook her head stubbornly. "But don't you see that's exactly what it means. I don't know for certain how much time I have or even how many good days I have left so I've got to enjoy them when I can." She explained trying to keep her voice light hearted.

"But that doesn't mean you should over extend yourself and…"

"And end up on bed rest? Or in the hospital?" Sarah interjected. "I would gladly take 3-4 days on bed rest if it meant I could have two good days where I could have fun…maybe even some fun with_ my husband_." She impulsively put her hand on his forearm and squeezed it.

Jack looked at her hand uncomfortably, "Ahum…"

Sarah realized his uneasiness and quickly pulled her hand back. "Oh God, Jack I didn't mean that!" She exclaimed. "I know our marriage doesn't include that."

Jack blushed slightly but nodded. "So then, what?"

"I just thought we could go out and do something fun."

"Like?"

"I don't know…maybe a picnic on the beach." She suggested

"I think I'm still a little beached out." He replied not wanting to tell her the real reason – the beach reminded him of Kate.

"Well, then, we could go dancing…or maybe go to a concert." She racked her mind for suggestions. Jack's face showed that he wasn't sure about what they could do when suddenly her face perked up. "I know! The ultimate fun thing…let's go to Disneyland!"

'_Disneyland?!' _Jack thought to himself. _'No way'_. Not after the last time he had been there had been with Kate. He flashed to an image of a giggling Kate in her Mickey Mouse ears pulling Jack onto the Tea Cup ride.

"I don't think so." He said softly. "Not Disneyland."

"Why not? It'd be a blast and I promise not to overdue." Sarah babbled before noticing the serious look on his face. Suddenly she remembered the picture he kept on the nightstand in his bedroom – he and Kate at the entrance to Disneyland arm in arm and all smiles.

She knew it was childish, but she got upset. She stood up. "Well, when you can think of some activity or place that doesn't remind you of Kate let me know!"

He watched her storm off to her room feeling bad for hurting her feelings and putting a damper on her good mood. He wasn't sure why he didn't agree to Disneyland it wasn't that big if an issue. And yet he knew if they went the memories of his day with Kate would come flooding back. And he wasn't feeling up to it…up to missing her. The memories only made him long to be with Kate and made him resent Sarah for coming between them.

He let out a tired sigh and took the kink out of his neck. Maybe Sarah was right about some fun. Lately he had been focusing primarily on work and on Sarah's illness and treatment his only recreation seemed to be the weekly poker games and his visits to the gym.

Getting up he made his way to the kitchen and grabbed the newspaper. Quickly flipping through it he found what he was looking for. A couple of minutes later he shut off the television and walked down the hall towards the bedrooms. Noticing the light still on in Sarah's room he knocked lightly before going in – he found Sarah in bed reading.

"I'm sorry about upsetting you." He said sincerely. "I guess I was just caught a little off guard with this change in you."

"Okay." Sarah replied though he could tell she was still a little made at him.

Jack cocked his head to the side. "I…ahum…I was looking in the paper and there's an artisan's fair going on this weekend. I thought, if you want to, we could go." He suggested.

Sarah looked at him for a moment before breaking into a smile at his suggestion. "That sounds nice."

"I thought you'd like that idea." He returned her smile. "But only if you don't overdue the rest of the week and you're still feeling up to it on Saturday."

Sarah laughed. "Yes, Dr. Shepard."

"I mean it." He said seriously.

"I know you do." Sarah smirked. "And I promise."

_Dear Jack,_

_Emma and I are finally home from the hospital and settled in. We had to stay an extra couple of days because Emma developed a little congestion in her lungs and the doctor decided she needed to stay and be monitored. But she's fine now and her lungs are healthy…judging from the way she cries I'd say they're very healthy._

_She's such a good baby so far – only waking me up three times during the night. Claire suggested I give her a small bottle of chamomile tea as her last "bottle" before putting her down for the night. She says it soothes her stomach, keeps the colic away and relaxes her._

_Hurley's coming to visit today. He's working with Charlie on a new record deal and wants to meet the, as he put it, "newest member of the clan". I'm sure he'll love her, who wouldn't? Doesn't she look beautiful?_

As she wrote Kate glanced up at the picture of the baby she had affixed in the corner. Underneath she wrote "Emma, 3 days old". Smiling at the photo she thought about how much she already loved being a mother. She hadn't known she could love another person as strongly as she loved her daughter. It was a feeling like no other she had ever felt including falling in love with Jack. She knew she would do anything to keep Emma safe. Putting the journal away, she walked over to the crib and touched her daughter's tummy gently.

"No matter what, I'll always protect you." She promised quietly. "I'll always be here for you. You'll never feel alone or scared, I promise." At that point Emma stirred and opened her eyes gurgling at the sight of her mother.

A knock on the door caught Kate's attention. "Come in."

Claire stuck her head in. "Hurley's here." She said cheerfully.

"Oh, okay." Kate picked up Emma. "Let me change her and we'll be right out."

"Okay, don't take too long." Claire replied closing the door.

Kate turned her attention back to the baby. "Okay, sweetie, let's get you all prettied up for company, okay?" She said rubbing Emma's nose with hers.

Ten minutes later Kate and Emma ventured out into the livingroom to find that not only was Hurley there but Sun and Jin had also come along to visit. Kate was thrilled. The three quickly encircled her and after handing Emma to Claire for a moment she greeted them with warm hugs.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" Kate asked Sun as she pulled back from the embrace.

"Hurley wanted to surprise you." She laughed.

"Worked, didn't it?" Hurley joked.

"Yes, and it's a great surprise." Kate kissed Hurley's cheek. "Thank you."

Taking the baby back from Claire Kate presented her daughter to her friends "This is Emma Samantha Shepard" She said proudly. Her friends gushed and Sun immediately took the infant in her arms cooing at the baby the whole time.

Kate walked over to Claire. "Did you know about this?" She asked her friend.

The Australian girl smirked. "Hurley told me he had offered to fly them up here. He said Sun was anxious to see you and the baby."

"Well, I'm glad he did." Kate beamed. "It feels good to see them again."

"Good, because you never had a baby shower so we decided to give you one." Claire announced.

"What?"

"Aunt Louise did up some chips and dips, a veggie tray, some salad and baked a cake with pink frosting. Your dad is out back getting the BBQ grill going, which is good because it keeps Charlie away from it." Claire explained.

Kate's face registered shock and surprise at the idea of a party. "You didn't have to…"

"Of course we did." Claire interrupted. "Think of it as Emma's welcoming party." With that she went into the kitchen to help Louise set up the dining table with a party style table cloth while Hurley and Charlie started blowing up and hanging some balloons and pink streamers.

Taking Emma in her arms Kate stepped out to the patio to check on her dad. She found Sam grilling some steaks and chicken breasts. "I can't believe you didn't say anything." She told him.

"We wanted to surprise you Katie." He laughed.

"Well, you did." She joined his laughter.

"Just enjoy it." Sam suggested as he tickled Emma's chin. "You've got some good friends there."

A short time later the food was ready and set out and the group sat down for a fun meal filled with chatter and gossip. Kate learned that Shannon was doing well as a wedding coordinator and planner and even had some celebrity clients. Sayid and Nadia had set a wedding date for 9 months from now.

After they finished eating Claire announced that it was time for presents. Though Kate protested that presents weren't necessary the girls led her to a chair wrapped in pink streamers with a scribbled sign "Mom" handing on the back. They made her sit down while Hurley and Charlie went out to get the gifts returning with several brightly wrapped items and placed them on the floor in front of the new mother.

"These are from Charlie and I." Claire said handing her a couple of large packages.

Smiling Kate unwrapped the package and found several items of baby clothing, all for a little girl, and in various sizes. There were also little socks and a couple of pairs of shoes.

"Oh Claire…" Kate started

"I wanted to make sure that you had some things for Emma for when she gets older." Claire explained.

"They're beautiful." Kate gushed as she fingered one of the jumpers that was lilac in color with white trim and a little white lamb decal on the front.

"I know…" Claire returned her enthusiasm. "I had so much fun shopping for a girl."

"Well, I'm sure Emma will love wearing them." Kate jumped up and hugged her friend. "Thank you."

"The next one was my idea." Charlie spoke up.

Opening the 2nd package Kate found a breast pump inside. "Wow." She pulled it out and showed everybody.

Hurley raised an eyebrow in Charlie's direction. "Dude…a breast pump?"

"What? I heard they were handy." Charlie replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"It will be." Kate said quickly. "Thank you."

Aaron approached her next with a gift. "Here Auntie Kate, this is for the baby." He said proudly. "I picked it out."

Kate flashed him a big smile and gave him a kiss on the top of his head. "How sweet." She pulled at the wrapping and uncovered a teddy bear in a train conductor's uniform.

"We went to Build a Bears" Aaron said excitedly. "And we made the baby this."

Kate laughed warmly. "It's perfect. Emma's going to love it."

"He's soft." Aaron pointed out.

Kate gave the bear a little squeeze and nodded. "Yes, it's very soft."

"And his name is Andy." The little boy added.

"Andy, huh?" She smiled. "Well, thank you."

Satisfied, he went back and sat with Claire while Kate continued with the remaining gifts. Louise gave her a beautiful quilt that a friend of hers had made especially for Emma. Sun and Jin presented her with a large basket filled with baby bath soaps, lotions and creams. There were several bath cloths and a tiny pink hooded robe that Kate immediately fell in love with.

At this point Hurley pushed over a stack of boxes. "This is from me." He told her.

"Oh my gosh, Hurley…" Kate laughed. "What'd you do, buy out the whole baby department?"

"More like electronics." He picked up one of the smaller boxes wrapped with a purple bow and handed it to her. "Open this one first. The rest fall into place."

Nodding Kate tore off the wrapping to find a digital camera. "Oh wow, a camera" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's one of the top of the line. It comes with an extra zoom lens and the software to download your pictures to your computer." He explained pointing at the box.

"That'll come in handy when I get a computer." Kate said softly, more to herself than him.

Grinning Hurley picked up another box and presented it to Kate. "A laptop." He announced.

"You didn't?" She said surprised taking the box and unwrapping it and seeing the picture on the box. "You did."

Hurley nodded. "And there's also a video camera, a dvd player that has a burner, and a printer for the laptop." He pointed at the other boxes.

Kate was shocked to say the least. She jumped up and pulled the big man over to the corner and smiled, a threat of tears in her eyes. "Hurley, that's too much." She protested softly. "I can't all of this."

"Sure you can." He insisted. "I figured you'd want to, you know, document everything with the baby 'cause…well…you know…for Jack too, since he's not here."

Feeling a pang of guilt Kate nodded once then mumbled. "Thank you." Wiping at her eyes she looked at her friends briefly. "If you excuse me I'm gonna go check on Emma." She walked quickly out of the room.

Hurley's face fell. He hadn't meant to upset her. "I didn't mean to get her upset." He said sadly. "I just wanted her to take pictures and video of the baby."

Claire walked over and squeezed his arm. "You didn't upset her." She told him. "It was very sweet. Her emotions are probably still a little out of whack from having the baby."

"Claire's right." Sam said as he stood up. "It was a very thoughtful gift and I'm sure Katie appreciates it." He looked down towards the hall. "I'm going to go check on her."

Sam found Kate standing next to the crib leaning over gently caressing a sleeping Emma.

"You okay, Katie?" Sam asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure she was okay."

Walking over to join his daughter by the crib he looked down and smiled. "She looks pretty peaceful."

"Yeah, she does." Kate ran her fingers over the soft curls on Emma's head. "I still can't believe she's mine."

"Trust me, you'll get use to it." Sam chuckled.

Kate remained silent for a moment and glancing sideways at her Sam could tell she was fighting back tears. "Katie, are you sure you're okay?" He asked gently. "Hurley's gift didn't upset you, did it?"

Biting her lip she shook her head negatively. "Not really." She replied. "I just got to thinking about everything…being a mom, the responsibility…" She trailed off.

"And you're missing Jack?" Sam surmised.

"Yeah." Kate whispered tearfully.

"I thought so." He pulled Kate into his arms and gave her a warm hug and she let out those tears. "Why don't you call him?" He suggested.

"I can't." She replied tearfully.

"Katie…"

"Please, Daddy, don't, okay?" She said, her voice coming out in halted breathes. She pulled out of his embrace and turned back to the baby. "I know that all of you think I'm nuts."

Sam reached over and cupped the side of her head. "We don't think you're nuts."

"But you don't understand why I don't call, especially now that Emma is here."

"You have your reasons…" Sam started to say.

"You just don't agree with them." She replied defensively.

Sam put his hands up in mock surrender. "I never said that."

"Then you understand?" Kate sniffled, her face hopeful for some understanding about a situation she didn't even understand herself.

"This is your decision and I'll support you no matter what because I love you." He told her.

"Even if you think it's the wrong decision." Kate said disappointed.

"Can I just say one thing and then we promise to move on?" Sam suggested.

Glancing back down at Emma Kate nodded.

"As a man and as a father I think Jack needs to know he has a daughter. He should have the chance to be part of Emma's life." He stated slowly. Kate remained silent feeling pained by his words.

"But as your father I trust that you know what you are doing. I know this is important to you. And I also know that you aren't planning on keeping this secret forever. And just for the record I don't believe you're 'nuts'". He added with a smirk.

Kate broke out in a small smile. "Thank you."

"I just hope when you do tell Jack he'll understand too."

Before Kate could really react to his statement they were interrupted by this appearance of Claire.

"Everything okay, here?" She asked with a touch of concern in her voice.

Looking at Sam briefly Kate nodded. "Yeah," She said softly. "Just baby watching."

"Well, I think you've done enough admiring." Claire motioned with her hand behind her. "Come on, the party's not over yet and Aaron and Charlie are waiting for cake and not to patiently either."

**TBC**

**_Next up: A blast from the past…and life continues to go on._**

_**TBC – **_


	32. Ch 32 Somewhere Over the Rainbow

A/N: Enjoy! 

Legal Stuff: As always, don't own Lost or any of the characters. Don't own the song "**Somewhere Over the Rainbow"** sung by Judy Garland.

**CHAPTER 32 – Somewhere Over The Rainbow**

_Las Vegas _

Sawyer pulled up his driveway in his truck and parked. Yanking off his baseball cap he wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. He has just finished work and was looking forward to a beer and a game on television for crashing.

Walking over to the mailbox he thought about how much easier his old life had been physically. Running a con didn't leave him with aching back muscles and sore feet. Then again operating a nailgun didn't land anyone in jail either.

With the mail in hand he unlocked his door and went in throwing both the keys and the mail on the counter. Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator he walked over and straddled a bar stool and picked up the mail again. Taking a swig of beer he shifted through the envelopes…bill…bill…bank statement…junk mail. His attention was caught by a light pink envelope with the picture of a teddy bear in the bottom corner. Looking at the return address he saw no name, but the city of Seattle listed.

Sliding open the envelope he located a card inside with a teddy bear matching the one on the envelope on the front. Opening it he found a picture of a baby taped on the inside left panel and underneath written:

_Emma Samantha Shepard,_

_August 3__rd_

_6lbs 2oz, 19"_

On the right side of the card she had written:

_Hi Sawyer,_

_I hope this card finds you doing well. I wanted to let you know that Emma was born. She's healthy and beautiful. This picture is actually one of her at 2 weeks old. _

_Seattle is nice and oh, Claire wanted me to tell you Hi from her and Charlie. You should see Aaron – he's gotten so big since the last time you probably saw him._

_Anyway, I hope that you are okay and that you've come to understand why I left and that I never wanted to hurt you. You're still my friend and I care a lot. Maybe when you get a chance you can come visit and meet Emma in person. _

_Kate._

Sawyer stared at the picture of the newborn. With wisps of brown curls and eyes that looked to be a color that combined both her father's chocolate brown and her mother's emerald green and she had Jack's mouth...her nose though was definitely Kate.

"Well, Lil' Freckles welcome to the world." He said softly before breaking out into a smile. "You're a beauty."

_Seattle – 1 week later _

As Claire walked up the driveway she saw a UPS man jump out of his truck and approach the walkway.

"Good Afternoon, ma'am" the delivery man greeted with a smile.

Claire noticed the box in his hands. "Good Afternoon. Is that for us?"

He glanced down at the box. "Are you Ms. Emma Shepard?" He asked with a flirty smile.

Claire laughed. "Actually Emma's a baby. Who'd send her a package?" She asked more to herself.

"No return name, but if you'd sign for it…"

"Oh sure." She led him to the front door and signed the ledger while he placed the package inside the entrance. Once inside herself she picked up the package, making note that it was heavy, and deposited it on the dining table then went looking for Kate.

A few moments later she found her sitting in her room rocking Emma in one arm and reading a story to Aaron who was curled up on the window seat wrapped in his favorite blanket.

"Hi guys." She said softly.

"Hi mommy." Aaron greeted with a big smile. "We're having story time."

"So, I see." Claire walked over and sat on the bench next to her son caressing his head gently.

"Hey, how was school?" Kate closed the book and dropped it gently on the floor before shifting Emma up on her shoulder.

"Good. I think I did pretty well on my exam. I'll know tomorrow." Claire told her. "By the way, Emma got a package."

Kate looked at her confused. "A package? From who?"

"Don't know. The delivery guy just brought it. There's no return name on it." She explained. "It's in the dining room."

Pushing herself out of the rocker she started out the room. "Let's go see."

Claire and Aaron joined Kate in the dining room. Handing Emma to Claire, Kate took a pair of scissors and cut open the outer box. Pushing back the packing peanuts she gasped. "Oh my god."

"What is it?" Claire asked excitedly.

"I can't believe it." She reached in and pulled out another box – this one had a picture of a tea set on it. "He remembered."

"Who remembered what?" Claire asked as she patted Emma gently on her back.

"What is that Auntie Kate?" Aaron stood up on his tip toes and peered at the box. "Dishes?"

"They're for Emma sweetie." Kate explained as she pulled opened the box. "They're from Sawyer." She told Claire.

"Sawyer? Are you kidding?" Claire couldn't believe it. "He sent Emma a toy tea set?"

Kate smiled as she pulled out a small tea cup and ran her finger over it. "We were in FAO Schwartz in Caesars one time and I saw this tea set and I really liked it."

"But you didn't get it?"

"No," Kate shook her head slowly. "Seemed a little much for a baby, he even teased me saying it wasn't practical." She pulled out a saucer and ran her hand over the tiny rose pattern.

Glancing into the shipping box Claire noticed an envelope. Picking it up she handed it to Kate. "Looks like a note."

Taking it she slipped open the envelope flapped and pulled out a card with the word 'Congratulations' across the front.

"Freckles, congrats on junior. She's a beauty…good thing she took after her mother and not Doc." Kate read with a chuckle. "Anyway, I thought you might like this seeing how you went nuts over it that time. Yeah, I know, ain't practical. Whoever said I was practical? Sawyer."

Claire joined her in a laugh. "Well, isn't he full of surprises?" She commented.

"Yeah, he sure is." Kate said happily, knowing this was Sawyer's way of saying things were alright between them.

_Dear Jack,_

_Today is Emma's christening. I can't believe how fast the first 3 months have gone by. She's getting so big and she's already rolling over and trying to push herself up to crawl. I took this picture while we were at the park the other day. She loves to watch the ducks. She gets so excited when we feed them bouncing up and down in her stroller. _

_Carrie got here yesterday. She's so excited to be the godmother and Emma really seems to have taken to her. She bought Emma the most beautiful christening gown. It has little pearl beads all down the front and it was hand stitched and there's a matching bonnet. _

_I hope you don't mind I asked Hurley to be Emma's godfather. I figured he's been a good friend, he's got a good heart and he's genuine. I like the idea of Emma having a person like that in her life. I know he'll be there for our daughter if she ever needs him._

'Our daughter' that phrase sounded odd sometimes considering that Jack didn't even know Emma existed. And yet there were times when the phrase comforted Kate, made her feel less alone…reminding her that she had a connection, a bond, with another person. She wondered what Jack was doing right now. Was he thinking about her much like she thought about him? He was probably going on with his life working and caring for Sarah. Maybe doing things together like other married couples…spending time together getting to know each other again. Kate let out a sigh. To be honest she hadn't thought that Sarah would last this long morbid as that sounded. But here it was 10 months since he had married her and Sarah was still hanging on.

"Well, looks who's done with her bath and ready to start getting dressed for her big day." Carrie's voice interrupted Kate's thoughts. She came into the room carrying a babbling Emma wrapped in her pink bath robe…her curls still damp from her bath.

Kate looked up at the smiling face of her daughter and couldn't help but smile herself. She held out her hands and took Emma into a hug. "Oooh, you smell nice and clean." Kate cooed giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't you love that baby smell?" Carrie commented as she played with Emma's foot causing the baby to squeal in delight.

"Looks like you got a bath yourself." Kate laughed noticing Carrie's very damp shirt.

"That's okay. We had fun, didn't we?" Carrie kissed Emma's foot eliciting another squeal response. "She loves to splash, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does, I probably should have warned you about that." Kate replied. Taking Emma over to the changing table she expertly slipped a diaper on the infant and put her in a t-shirt. "You know, I'm glad that you're going to be able to stay a few extra days."

Carrie broke out into a grin. "I know. It'll be nice to hang out again with you. I've really missed you." She admitted.

"Yeah, me too." Kate agreed bouncing Emma gently in her arms. "Why don't we grab some lunch tomorrow." She suggested. "I can ask Louise to watch Emma for a couple of hours."

"That sounds like fun. Maybe we can even do some shopping." Carrie replied as she took Emma back in her arms. "Hey, not to be nosy, but what's going on with Claire? She seems a little distant."

"Yeah, she's just a little frustrated with Charlie right now. He's really been spending all his time with his music and it's taking him away from other stuff." Kate explained. "He's not going to be here today because he's got a gig out of town and Claire's not happy about it."

"He's missing the christening?" Carrie commented. "That's too bad."

"It doesn't help that Aaron's biological father, Thomas, contacted Claire and told her he wants to get to know his son."

"You're kidding? What did she say?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "She kind of freaked out at first but she doesn't want this to turn into a legal fight so she's going to talk to Thomas and see what they work out."

"And how did Charlie take that? I mean doesn't Aaron think of him as his dad?" Carrie remarked.

Kate took out a pacifier and handed it to Emma who had started to fuss. "They had a big fight the other night and Charlie went and stayed with a band mate before he left for his gig yesterday."

"Well, I'm sure once things cool down they'll work it out." Carrie said confidently.

"Let's hope so."

The ceremony went smoothly as planned. Kate stood next to her father and watched as Emma was baptized and Hurley and Carrie recognized as her godparents. For her part Emma behaved well fussing only a little when the holy water drizzled down from her forehead. But the moment she spotted Kate she broke out into a gummy smile and squealed as she bounced in Carrie's arm.

Hurley had brought Starla with him as well as his mother, Carmen, who Kate found to be a warm woman who gushed all over Emma. She told the group she was still waiting for Hugo to give her grandchildren, a comment that caused Starla to blush in embarrassment.

After the ceremony the group met up at a nice restaurant for an early dinner before returning to the house for cake.

Hurley had presented Kate with a savings bond for Emma and Carrie gave her friend a delicate gold bracelet for Emma to wear when she was older. She also gifted her godchild with a small bible with an inscription inside promising the child that she would always be there for her. Kate was truly touched.

Hurley and his family left for the airport in the early evening and Claire, citing a headache, took Aaron and went to bed early deciding not to wait up for Charlie. After watching some TV with Carrie and her dad Kate too went off to bed only to find a wide awake Emma fussing in her crib. Upon sensing Kate Emma's hazel eyes lit up and she gurgled raising her arms up asking to be picked up.

Obliging her, Kate settled into the rocking chair and cuddled her daughter, her finger wrapped up securely in Emma's small fist. "You had a big day today." Kate said softly as she gently rocked the baby. "I'm surprised you're not out like a light, young lady." Looking at her mother Emma let go off her finger and reached up and grabbed hold of one of Kate's curls giving it a tug. Bending down Kate rubbed her nose against Emma's lovingly.

"You know how much I love you, doodle bug?" She whispered placing a light kiss on the tip of the cooing baby's nose. "You're my heart, you know that?" Kate cooed. "And you're the best part of me" She kissed her nose again. "And you're dad's." Emma gurgled in response. "But you need to go to sleep so mommy can too."

Emma kicked her legs in response and Kate sighed. Emma didn't look very sleepy. _This called for desperate measures_, she thought to herself. Taking a deep breath she hugged Emma closer to her. "How about if mommy sings to you, would you like that? I can sing you a song my mom…your grandma, use to sing to me."

Emma looked up at her mother, her big hazel eyes filled with adoration for her mother. She seemed to understand the bond they shared and what Kate was trying to tell her.

"Okay, here goes…" Kate started off softly singing the song Diane use to sing whenever Kate had trouble going to sleep. It was one of her favorites.

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high  
There's a land that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby _

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Skies are blue  
And the dreams that you dare to dream  
Really do come true _

_Some day I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me  
Where troubles melt like lemondrops  
Away above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me _

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly  
Birds fly over the rainbow  
Why then, oh why can't I?  
Some day I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me  
Where troubles melt like lemondrops  
Away above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me _

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly  
Birds fly over the rainbow  
Why then, oh why can't I? _

_If happy little bluebirds fly  
Beyond the rainbow  
Why, oh why can't I?_

**TBC**

_**Coming up: Baby's First Christmas**_


	33. Ch 33 Let It Be Christmas

A/N: Yes, I know a bit odd…Christmas in June…and here I am posting this while I watch a baseball game. Hope you guys enjoy and let me know. And yes, we're one chapter closer to Jack and Kate being in the same city… The beginning of this chapter might seem a little off – it basically picks up at the time the last chapter left off before jumping to the holidays. That's because I had originally written the first part to be part of the last chapter but when I got to the scene with Kate and Emma I just thought that was the best place to end it. 

**Legal Stuff: As always, don't own Lost or any of the characters. Don't own the song Let It Be Christmas by Alan Jackson.**

**CHAPTER 33 – LET IT BE CHRISTMAS**

Let it be Christmas everywhere  
Let heavenly music fill the air  
Let every heart sing let every bell ring  
The story of hope and joy and peace  
And let it be Christmas everywhere  
Let heavenly music fill the air  
Let anger and fear and hate disappear  
Let there be love that lasts through the year  
And let it be Christmas  
Christmas everywhere

Let it be Christmas everywhere  
With the gold and the silver, the green and the red  
Christmas everywhere  
In the smiles of all children asleep in their beds  
In the eyes of young babies their first fallen snow  
Elderlys' memories that never grow old

The next morning Claire's aunt agreed to watch Emma for a couple of hours so that Kate and Carrie could grab lunch and catch up.

"So, tell me about this fantastic job." Kate asked after the waiter had taken their orders. "Interior decorating?"

Carrie broke into a smile. "Yeah, it's not a big firm or anything like that – just these two ladies that started the company a few years ago. They were looking for an assistant, you know, to answer phones, take orders, make appointments, order supplies, stuff like that…and well, I was just doing temp work so I jumped at it. And I really like it. They want to teach me some stuff and then maybe help me take some courses at the junior college."

"Carrie, that sounds great." Kate exclaimed happy for her friend. "You really lucked out."

Carrie nodded. "I know I did. Like I said, they're not a big company but they're get steady work and they've got a good reputation."

"I can imagine in L.A. there'd be a lot of work available."

"And I'm getting to learn about fabric and textiles and about incorporating color into a room." She chatted enthusiastically.

"And, so, what about your love life?" Kate asked as the waiter brought them their food.

At this Carrie frowned briefly and let out a sigh, "My losing streak continues."

"No? Really?"

"I mean it's not like I had a guy steal my furniture again…" Carrie looked at Kate's surprised face. "What? I'm not joking. I had that happen to me once. He moved in and then one day while I was at work he sold all my furniture including the TV and stereo and disappeared."

"Oh, Carrie…" Kate tried to surpress a giggle.

"I thought I had been burglarized but then I couldn't reach him and while the cop was there taking a report my neighbor came over and told me he had sold her my coffee table." Carrie explained somewhat dramatically.

Kate finally couldn't hold back and let go of her giggles. "I…I'm so sorry…" She laughed. "I don't mean to…laugh…at you…"

"Yes, you do." Carrie replied good naturedly.

"It's just the things that happen to you."

"Tell me about it. I was so embarrassed in front of the cop. I mean here I was reporting a burglary and it turns out it's my loser of a boyfriend."

The girls both laughed as they took bites of their food "So, you doing okay?" Carrie asked. "Motherhood certainly seems to be treating you good."

Kate smiled happily. "Yeah, it's been pretty great. I don't even mind getting up two or three times a night, though she's starting to sleep longer now."

"Well, Emma seems like a happy baby." Carried replied. "And she's beautiful. And I'm not just saying that 'cause I'm her godmother."

Kate laughed. "She is, isn't she?"

Carrie took a couple of more bites before she spoke up again. "I saw Jack recently." She said in a softer voice.

Kate looked over at her fiend with a surprised look on her face. "Oh?"

The red head nodded. "It was at an artisan fair. A couple of months back, and I saw him there. He didn't see me, not that I think he'd recognize me." Carrie said.

"An artisan fair?" Kate smirked. "Didn't think he was into that type of thing."

"He…ahum…he wasn't alone." Carrie revealed slowly not wanting to hurt her friend's feelings.

"He wasn't?"

She shook her head. "He was with this blonde woman. I'm guessing it was his…ahum…" She didn't want to say the word 'wife' out loud.

"Sarah." Kate said softly.

"Yeah, her. She had a hat on but you could see she had a scarf wrapped around her head…like she didn't have a lot of hair."

Kate nodded slowly but didn't say anything. Obviously Sarah was well enough to be out and about enjoying herself…having fun with _her husband._ She shouldn't be surprised, it's not like Sarah wouldn't want to go out and do things if she was feeling good. Kate just hadn't expected her to be feeling good at this point.

"Kate…" Carrie's voice broke into her thought. "Kate, I'm sorry I said anything."

Kate took in a deep breath. "Don't be. It's not like I expected him to stop living. He's going to be doing things with her if she's feeling up to it, I guess." She commented trying to make her tone casual and unaffected, but failing.

"You should tell him about Emma." Carrie said matter of factly. "He should be with you and the baby."

Kate put her fork down and pushed her plate away no longer having an appetite. "I'm not having this discussion." She stated hotly.

"Why not?" Carrie pushed. "He should know."

Kate looked briefly around the busy restaurant not wanting to get into an argument. "I already told you why I was doing what I'm doing. It's my decision and it's not up for debate." Her voice was low and forceful.

Carrie, take aback by her tone, nodded. She knew she had pushed her friend too far. "I'm sorry." She mumbled.

Feeling bad for snapping at Carrie when she only had good intentions, Kate reached over and grasped her hand momentarily. "I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just tired of talking about it." She said sadly.

Carrie nodded and gave her a sincere smile letting her know they were okay.

"Can I ask one question?" Kate asked in an almost hushed tone. "Before we put this to rest."

"Okay."

"How did he look?" She asked unable to help herself.

Carrie broke out in a chuckled surprised by the other woman's inquiry. She flashed back to the day at the fair – well fitting jeans, hiking boots and a blue t-shirt that showed off a lean and muscular form not to mention his signature light scruff of a beard.

"Truthfully?" She asked and Kate nodded. "Hot!"

"Carrie!"

The red head laughed. "What? You asked. He looked hot."

Kate nodded and looked down at the table top. "He always does."

Carrie tapped the table to catch Kate's attention. "But you know, something was missing. He didn't have the same sparkle..." Carrie commented. "He didn't have a smile in his eyes like that time when he was at our apartment…when he was with you."

**Los Angeles, CA – Christmas Eve**

"Sarah, are you sure you're up for this?" Jack asked warily for the third time that day as he watched Sarah come out into the living room putting on an earring.

"Jack, it's Christmas, of course I'm up for it." She replied.

It was Christmas Eve and Judy had invited the two to a holiday dinner at her parent's house. Sarah had immediately accepted, excited about the idea of celebrating Christmas. Jack on the other hand, had been more apprehensive preferring to stay home, watch a movie and then go to his mother's house the next day for brunch.

"Come on Jack, it'll be fun." Sarah told him. "Don't be such a bore, it's Christmas."

"As you keep reminding me." He replied. "I'm not a bore. I just thought we could have a quiet dinner and you could rest."

Sarah rolled her eyes. _Bore_, she thought to herself. "I rest enough all week. One night at the home of my friend's isn't going to kill me." She slapped him on the arm teasingly. "The cancer's doing that." She joked.

Jack winced. "Sarah". Recently she had taken to using humor when dealing with her illness and he wasn't found of her jokes and sarcastic remarks.

Laughing to herself Sarah returned to her bedroom to finish getting ready. "I swear Jack, you've always been such a slouch about Christmas." She commented as she walked away.

"Maybe that's because it was just another occasion for my dad to drink." He mumbled as he retreated into the comfort of his bedroom. Sitting at the small desk he pulled open a drawer and retrieved a small black velvet jewelry box. Flipping open the lid he started at the pair of emerald earrings inside. He had been out Christmas shopping when he walked by a jewelry store window and they caught his attention. The emerald green of the stones had reminded him of Kate's eyes…matching the color almost perfectly. He bought them on an impulse telling himself he'd send them to her as a Christmas gift. But now as he sat there looking at them he wasn't so sure. Mailing them seemed a tad impersonal but he couldn't exactly fly up to Seattle and give them to her in person . He had been tempted on a couple of occasions but then decided against it. They were playing all this out and seeing her would only hurt both of them. So, he decided to hold on to them and give them to her when the time was right.

"Jack!" He heard Sarah call out from the hallway. "You ready?"

Sighing he closed the box and slipped it into the red and green velvet gift bag that had come with it and closed the drawer. "Coming" he replied stepping out into the hall.

**Seattle **

"Okay, so who's idea was it to come to the mall on Christmas Eve?" Claire said as she and Kate and the kids made their way inside the busy building.

"I can't believe you found a parking space close to the entrance." Kate replied as she adjusted Emma in the snuggly strapped to Kate's chest. "I thought that guy in the Volvo was going to blow a gasket."

"Well, I got there first." Claire commented innocently then caught the look on Kate's face. "Okay, well maybe not first, but I had a better angle at the space." She justified.

"I don't think he saw it that way." Kate smirked.

"No kidding. He really let it fly didn't he?" Claire said amazed. "You'd think after seeing us get off with two small kids he's be more understanding."

'Yeah, especially after you yelled back at him that you were pregnant." Kate pointed out.

The girls broke into giggles as they proceeded to weave through the crowd towards the center of the mall.

"Are we going to see Santa Claus now, mommy?" Aaron asked a hint of excitement in his voice. He had been looking forward to this all week being an extra good boy so he could tell Santa.

"We sure are Sweetie." Claire looked down at her son and grinned. It was so much fun having a child during the holidays. She and Kate, with Sam's help, had gone out and purchased a real Christmas tree then proceeded to decorate it and the whole front living area with ribbons, lights, wreathes, figurines and other colorful Christmas decorations. They had even managed to string popcorn and cranberries into a garland though Aaron lost interest after the first half hour and Kate and Claire ate more of the popcorn than they strung up. But it had been an enjoyable evening and the two women had gotten closer in the process.

"So, Aaron, do you know what you want to tell him?" Kate asked the little boy.

"Ah huh," The little boy nodded quickly. "I'm gonna ask for a Tommy Trolley rider." He said in a confident manner referring to a push n go car that was designed in the shape of a trolley car. He had been telling everyone in the household about it since Thanksgiving when the toy catalog had arrived in the mail.

"Well, honey, we'll see. Santa might not be able to get that for you." Claire cautioned, knowing that unless there was a miracle, there wouldn't be a Tommy Trolley under the tree for Aaron this year. Charlie had waited too long to look for one and by the time he had gotten to the toy stores they were sold out.

"But he's Santa, mommy. He can get anything." Aaron reasoned. "And I've been a good boy."

Claire bit her lip and looked briefly at Kate who immediately stepped in. "You have been a very good little boy." Kate confirmed. "Doing what your mommy and daddy tell you and you've even been helping me take care of Emma…"

"I like helping." Aaron stated proudly.

"I know you do." Kate smiled at him. "But you know Santa has a lot of good boys and girls to visit and sometimes his elves don't have enough time to make everyone exactly what they want." She tried to explained. "But I'm sure you'll like whatever he brings you, right?"

Aaron looked down at his shoes as he took the next couple of steps. "Yeah, I guess." He said with at ouch of disappointment in his voice.

"And maybe you'll get Tommy Trolley for your birthday, if you don't get it tomorrow." Claire added hoping to lessen the disappointment.

"But that's a looong time away." The little boy whined.

Before they could say anything more they came up to "Santa Town" a brightly lit and colorfully decorated set up in the center of the mall. There were several decorated pine trees set about to resemble a forest along with displays of fake snow. There were a few large elf statutes and some reindeer surrounding the building façade made to look like the front room of a log cabin. In the middle sat Santa Claus on a big chair covered in red velvet. Working in the display were college aged girls dressed as "elves" doing everything from taking pictures of the kids with Santa to guiding them in lien and ringing up the picture sales. And in the background cheery holiday music was playing.

The wait in line wasn't as bad as they expected. Aaron was entertained by all the figurines and decorations in the display including a working train set that went completely around the entire Santa Town.

While they waited Claire filled Kate in on her most recent conversation with Thomas about meeting Aaron. After speaking with him at length she decided to let him come and meet their son. He seemed to have matured much since she had last seen him. He had finished school and was a graphic designer making a good living in Sydney. He had impressed Claire when he sincerely apologized for his behavior and had called himself immature and selfish admitting walking out on his child was the stupidest thing he had ever done. But now he wanted to try and make up for that and was hoping Claire would give him that chance.

Charlie, of course, was against the idea of letting Thomas anywhere near Aaron. He had been hoping to adopt the little boy after marrying Claire, but that now looked like it wasn't going to happen and he was not happy. They had fought for 2 days and even now the tension was still obvious. Claire didn't know how to make it better short of reversing her decision. She wasn't willing to do that, so, she told Kate, they were at an impasse.

They snaked their way through the line and Claire smiled broadly as Aaron took his place on Santa's lap. He smiled for his picture and then happily told Santa what was on his wish list.

Then it was Emma's turn. Kate had dressed her in a red jumper with two cats in Santa hats on the front. Her little curls pinned back with two red barrette bows. She looked adorable. Looking unsure as she was placed in the stranger's arms Emma watched Kate as she went and stood by the "elf" taking the pictures. Waving and calling her name Kate tried to get the baby to smile or laugh. Aaron joined her and made a funny face and shook his little boy causing Emma to squeal and give her trademark gummy grins.

A short time later the girls were on their way each armed with a set of pictures of their child. They strolled through the mall looking to get the last couple of gifts that they needed. As they walked past a candy store Aaron's eyes lit up.

"Mommy, mommy, can we get some candy? Please?" He begged as he tugged her arm.

Claire laughed. "Just what you need more sugar."

"Please…for Christmas." Aaron said. "We can get daddy some."

Giving in Claire let Aaron pull her towards the candy store while Kate told her she'd meet her at the store they had originally been headed to a few doors down to get Louise a final gift.

As she walked with Emma they came up to a men's clothing store and stopped. Kate's attention was drawn to a tie in the window display. It was a warm chocolate brown color and as Kate got closer to the glass she noticed it had very subtle dark red pinstripes running through it.

Looking down at the wide eyed Emma Kate smiled softly. "How about we get daddy that tie for Christmas?" She asked and Emma cooed in response. Kate knew it sounded silly to buy Jack a gift when she wasn't going to see him for the holiday, but it was their daughter's first Christmas and looking at that tie she really wanted to get it for him. So, she walked into the store and had a sale clerk wrap up the tie in a nice holiday box and ring it up for her. With the gift safely tucked away in the diaper bag she exited the store a short time later and met up with Claire and a candy toting Aaron and finished their shopping before returning home.

That evening they all enjoyed a nice dinner before getting reading and going to Christmas Eve mass. The group returned home with two sleeping children in tow and after tucking them into bed, Claire, Charlie, Kate and Sam brought out the gifts from Santa, wrapped what still needed to be wrapped and arranged everything under the tree before retiring to bed.

The next morning the whole house was awoken by an excited Aaron announcing that Santa had been there and everyone needed to come look. As he bounced up and down on their bed Claire and Charlie explained that they had to eat breakfast before the gifts could be opened plus they had to wait for Aunt Louise to arrive. Aaron wasn't very happy with this plan.

Fifteen minutes later Charlie, Claire, Aaron, Sam and Kate with a groggy Emma were all seated in the kitchen with cereal boxes ready to eat. Louise arrived a few minutes later with donuts and orange juice for everyone. Not soon enough for Aaron the adults were done eating and everyone assembled in the living room in front of the brightly decorated Christmas tree. Sam was armed with the video camera ready to capture Emma's reactions to her first Christmas morning.

Meanwhile, Charlie volunteered to pass out gifts with the first going to an overly excited 2 ½ year old. Balancing Emma on her lap against her chests Kate took pictures of Aaron as he tore open his first gift – a Nerf baseball and bat set. After awing at it for a few seconds he was ready for the next one.

As the rest of the gifts were parceled out Kate took Emma and guided her little hands as they opened her first Christmas gift while Sam taped the big moment. Inside was a stuffed bunny rabbit…plush and soft…who's ears were covered in a soft plastic that contained gel inside – perfect for teething which she would be doing soon enough.

"Look doodle bug, "Kate cooed as she tickled Emma with one of it's paws. That caused the child to squeal in delight and reach for her newest toy. As if on instinct her mouth found the bunny's ear.

"I guess she likes it." Kate laughed as she looked into the camera.

The gift opening and picture taking continued. Thomas, with Claire's permission, had sent Aaron a Leap Frog computer along with some games. Claire had handed it to him saying simply it was a gift from her friend Thomas. The little boy didn't even question it he simply was delighted to received another cool gift. Charlie, on the other hand, was not happy at all with the expensive gift. He shot Claire a look of disappointment before turning his attention to watching Emma squealing and bouncing on her mother's lap entranced by a big red bow from one of the presents. As he watched Emma pulled at the ribbon he couldn't understand why Claire was allowing Thomas to worm his way back into her life. Aaron was happy and healthy and had a father, Charlie thought to himself. He didn't need another. Especially one that would most likely run out on him again down the line. He was brought out of his thoughts by Aaron tapping on his arm.

"Daddy, Santa didn't bring Tommy Trolley like I asked him to." The little boy said sadly.

Charlie was hit with a wave of guilt over not being able to find the toy. He had gotten so wrapped up in some song writing sessions and hadn't gone shopping like he promised Claire until just a couple of days before Christmas. By the time he had gotten to the toy stores they were sold out. "Yeah, well I'm sure he tried son." Charlie said. "He probably just couldn't do it."

"But he's Santa…." Aaron reasoned. "He can do anything."

More guilt smacked Charlie in the face. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

Suddenly Sam stood up and looked at Aaron. "You know, I almost forgot." He mockingly smacked his hand against his forehead. "When I got up this morning there was this package that was left by my bed and…" he bent down to look Aaron in the eye. "I believe your name was on it."

Aaron's face brightened a bit. "Really? For me?"

Winking at Charlie Sam nodded. "You wait here, I'll be right back."

The rest of the adults looked on as Sam disappeared and returned a minute later lugging a large box wrapped in paper with candy canes all over and a big red bow on top. Aaron's eyes grew in excitement and he immediately jumped to his feet when Sam placed the box down.

"It says here it's from Santa." Sam said looking at the tag. "I guess he couldn't fit it under the tree."

The little boy didn't hesitate a minute longer as he tore off the wrapping paper to find a box with a picture of Tommy Trolley on the front. "Tommy Trolley!" he squealed. "It's Tommy Trolley!"

Claire and Charlie were taken completely by surprised as was Kate.

"He didn't forget! Mommy, look, he didn't forget!" Aaron called out happily as he watched Sam open the box.

"I guess not." Claire laughed as she watched her son's excitement over receiving the gift his heart had been set on.

"I knew Santa wouldn't forget."

Sam pulled out the cart and with Charlie's assistance they assembled the few necessary parts and had the cart ready to go 10 minutes later. Despite the threat of rain Charlie immediately took Aaron out to try the cart in the front driveway. The rest of the adults told him they'd follow shortly.

Beaming Claire went over to Sam and hugged him. "Thank you so much." She said gratefully. "You made him so happy. I can't believe you got him that cart." She gushed. "I mean…you made him so happy. Where did you manage to find one? Charlie said they were all sold out."

"One of my army buddies got a hold of one for me." Sam explained.

"I don't know how to repay you…I mean I could pay…" Claire started to say.

"Oh no you won't" Sam replied sternly. "It's my gift. A little sign of appreciation for all you've done for my daughter and granddaughter." He reached over and took Claire's hand. "Not to mention the fact that you opened up your house to me these last few months so I could stay close to Katie and the baby."

Claire glanced over at a smiling Kate who gave her an agreeing nod. "It's been a pleasure." She said as she turned back to the older gentleman. "Kate's lucky to have a dad like you." She told him feeling the regret of not having grown up with a father wash over her briefly.

"Thank you." Sam replied warmly. "And Kate's lucky to have a friend like you around."

Blushing at his compliment Claire took a deep breath to beat back the tears threatening to fall. "Well, I guess we should…ahum…go check out that trolley, huh?" She suggested and followed Louise, who had watched the whole exchange silently at the front door.

Kate grabbed the camera and handed it to her father. As he reached for it she leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "That really was sweet. And Claire's right…I am very lucky."

Sam gave her a silent thank you and with Emma in tow they went out to watch Aaron enjoying his new toy.

_Dear Jack,_

_Merry Christmas! Emma's first Christmas was nice. We tried to keep her gifts simple since she's still a baby…lots of clothes and stuffed animals and squishy toys…I think she had more fun banging on boxes and tearing apart the ribbons._

_Aaron had a lot of fun and I can't wait until Emma is older and gets excited about Santa Claus and Christmas morning. I did take her to see Santa at the mall – as you can tell by the picture. She behaved really well and she didn't cry when she saw Santa like some of the other kids in line._

_Claire and Charlie invited a couple of people from his band for dinner. It was pleasant and after Charlie and one of the guys played some Christmas music for us. Well, their version of the songs anyway. My dad wasn't very entertained. Gotta go, Emma's crying. Love, Kate._

_Dear Jack,_

_Emma and I are sad today. We just got back from the airport. My father went back to San Diego. His special assignment here in Seattle ended and he's got to report back at his regular post at the beginning of the month. I'm grateful that he was here for all these months, but I guess I've gotten so use to him being here it's going to be hard not to see him everyday. You should have seen Emma, it's like she knew he was going away. She clung to him at the airport and cried when he went off to board the plane. She ended up crying herself to sleep in the car. Plus, she's starting to teeth and running a little fever so she was feeling well at all._

_Yesterday, she was trying to pull herself up to stand up. She's crawling already and she giggles when she scoots around. I video taped her the other day chasing after Aaron and laughing. It was so cute._

_One thing I definitely see she got from you is her stubborn streak. (Yes, you are so stubborn). If she's not ready for bed she make sure I know about it and she'll fight it trying to get me to play with her or she'll just sit up in her crib and then she give me that "Jack" stare. Were you this stubborn as a child? Love, Kate_

_Dear Jack,_

_Well our daughter got her first ear infection. Poor baby, she cried so much it made me cry. I took her to the pediatrician and they gave me some drops to put in her ear – she wasn't to happy about it, but I think she realized it makes her feel better. She's also been sleeping better waking up only once in the night now. _

_She's been standing more…wobbling a bit. Her pediatrician thinks she might walk early. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. Love, Kate._

Laying the pen down Kate picked up a picture of Emma with a big smile standing holding onto the couch. Her curls pulled up into two small pony tails high on the side of her head and her cheeks showing a hint of color in them. Rubbing some glue on the back she turned it over and pressed it in a blank spot against the page. Writing underneath _"Emma - Standing"_ she smiled proudly to herself.

Putting away the journal Kate grabbed Emma's diaper bag which actually was more of a backpack and went out to the living room. Emma was sitting inside her playpen with several of her toys inside while Aaron was on the couch watching cartoons.

"Aunt Kate, when are we going to the park?" Aaron asked anxiously.

"As soon as your mom gets home, sweetie." Kate replied as she bent down and ran her fingers through Emma's ever growing hair. "You're being such a good girl for mama." She cooed. Emma replied with a big gummy smile.

Bending further Kate rubbed noses with the baby. "You're so cute."

"Hey gang." Charlie greeted cheerfully as he entered the room carrying an overnight bag.

"Hi Charlie." Kate returned the greeting.

"Hi daddy." Aaron waved before turning his attention back to the television.

"Don't you have a hug for your dad?" Charlie asked a little miffed.

Aaron jumped off the couch and went and gave Charlie a quick hg. "That's more like it." Charlie told him as he returned to his cartoon watching.

Turning his attention back to Kate and her daughter he bent down into the playpen and greeted Emma with a tickle to her stomach. "And how's Emmie doing today?" he teased. "Being good for your mum?"

"Of course, she's the perfect baby." Kate commented as the baby let out a squeal and a giggle.

"Oh really?? You're the perfect baby, are you? Charlie asked Emma giving her an exaggerated wide eyed expression. "Not that your mother is bias"

"Not at all" Kate replied smiled.

Taking Emma in his arms Charlie stood up and nodded. "She does have a pretty relaxed disposition."

"Didn't get it from me" The brunette laughed. "I was, what my dad use to say, an 'active' baby."

Charlie laughed. "You…active? Find that hard to believe." He looked back at Emma giving her another funny face. "You'll be climbing trees and chasing smoke monsters in no time, won't you Emmie? Just like your mum."

Kate frowned briefly. "Let's hope she never meets a smoke monster."

"I can do without meeting one ever again." Charlie joked. "Or going into spooky jungles for that matter."

They heard the front door open and Claire soon appeared in pink scrubs with her backpack flung over her shoulder and a flushed look on her face. Giving Charlie a half smile she looked over at Kate.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to go over some stuff with my instructor." She told the brunette.

"Mommy, you're here!" Aaron raced over and gave her a hug. "Can we go to the park now?"

Claire looked down at the hopeful face of her son and smiled. "Sure, sweetie, I just need to change first. And you need to wash your face and put your tennis shoes on." She told him noticing his sandals.

Kate took Emma back from Charlie and started towards her room. "I forgot to pack some sunscreen."

Claire in turn went to her bedroom and found Charlie following her. "So, you're home a bit early." She commented as she pulled out the clothes she was going to wear to the park.

"I took a earlier bus than the boys. I came by to pick up some notes that I forgot." He replied.

"Oh, okay." Claire replied as she pulled off her scrubs. "So, we shouldn't expect you for dinner?"

Charlie shook his head as he watched her standing in her underwear. She was such a beauty, he thought. "I've got…a meeting with…ahum…a club owner about some bookings."

"Why don't you hire a manager for those things?" Claire asked with a tone of frustration in her voice. It seemed lately everything Charlie did was about the band.

"Like I told you before, Claire, the guys and I decided I could handle the stuff like booking, travel arrangements and payments." He explained.

Claire rolled her eyes unseen by Charlie. "Oh, right." She replied sarcastically. "Since you have no other obligations you're perfect for the job."

"Meaning what?" Charlie asked irritated at Claire's sudden negative behavior.

Pulling her hair up into a pony tail she let out a sigh. "Meaning you have a family, Charlie…a little boy…we need you around more."

"Oh really? And here I thought Thomas was going to step in and take care of that." He spat out angrily.

Claire whirled around and looked at him…a flash of anger in her eyes. "Thomas has nothing to do with this!" She

"Oh really? Here you say I have a family and yet I have no say in what goes on with that family." He snapped.

"I'm not getting into that with you again." Claire replied trying to lower her voice so their argument wouldn't be heard by Kate and their kids.

"No, of course not. You've already made the decision." Charlie paced back and forth in front of the bed.

"He's Aaron's biological father, Charlie. And he's been asking about him." Claire noticed the look of hurt that passed quickly over his face. "Besides, you heard what the lawyer said…he has rights."

"He walked away from those rights." Charlie growled trying to ignore the pain in his gut over hearing about Aaron's interest in Thomas. "I'm the one that's been there for him…for both of you. And now you just want to forget that 'cause it's easier?"

"It's not that easy and you know it." Claire replied frustration growing with her husband and his stubbornness over the whole situation. "Besides Aaron

"I know you're making it easier for him to just waltz back in now that he wants to play daddy." Charlie retorted. "Forget how he let you down. How I've been that little boy's father since he was born."

"I'm trying to do what's best for Aaron." Claire grabbed her tennis shoes. "He doesn't need to be dragged into a nasty custody battle." She quickly tied up the laces. "Maybe you'd realize that if you could get past whining about your own selfish needs!"

Without waiting for his answer Claire grabbed her tote bag and stormed out of the bedroom. She needed to get out of there and away from Charlie before they really started saying things to each other they'd regret later.

Rushing into the living room she found Kate on the couch with Emma and Aaron ready to go. Taking a deep breath she forced out a smile. "Ready?" She asked trying to keep her voice cheerful.

Kate could tell Claire was upset but chose to remain quiet for now. Scooping up Emma and the blankets she nodded. "If you want to grab the picnic basket we should be ready to go."

They found a shady spot near the small lake that was home to the ducks Kate regularly brought Emma to see. Claire unpacked the food while Kate laid out the blankets on the grass making one an area for Emma to play with her toys. Aaron found another boy his age nearby and started kicking around his soccer ball while the boy's dad sat nearby watching.

"So, "Kate said slowly. "You okay?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" Claire shrugged her shoulders trying to keep her answer casual.

"What happened with you and Charlie?" Kate probed gently hoping her friend would open up.

"Nothing that hasn't been happening a lot lately." Claire said exasperated. "He's mad at me about Thomas and the idea of Aaron meeting his father."

"But I thought you two had worked that out." Kate said confused.

"No, he just stopped nagging at me about the phone calls. But he's never been okay with it."

"That's too bad." Kate felt bad for her friend. "I can't believe he's this upset about the whole thing."

"It's a bunch of things." Claire said as she popped open a juice box and took a sip. "He's mad because he can't control my decision. He can't decide what to do for both of us. Plus he's worried he'll lose Aaron to Thomas and maybe lose me too."

"Any validity to that?" Kate asked.

The blonde shook her head. "Aaron loves Charlie. He's curious about Thomas, but really he's still to little to understand everything. At this point I've told him that he's lucky, he's got two dads and he's satisfied with that."

"What about you?"

"Thomas and I are over. We've both grown up a lot these last couple of years and we're not the same people. He's interested in trying to get to know his son…he's not interested in getting back together with me. And I'm not looking for that either."

"Have you told Charlie this?"

She nodded. "I've said it, but he doesn't seem to listen to me. He's determined to try and get me to give in to what he wants…even if it's not the best thing."

"He's feeling insecure." Kate concluded as she watched the little boy, the topic of their conversation, jumping around, laughing and running after the ball.

"And I don't know how to make that any better. Aaron loves him and that's not going to change because he meets Thomas. He doesn't seem to believe me when I tell him this." Claire threw up her hands in a frustrated gesture. "I swear Kate, sometimes he can get so controlling and it drives me nuts!"

"Maybe he just needs a little more time to get use to the whole idea." Kate suggested. "Time to realize that Thomas isn't trying to steal away his family. I'm sure once he does that it'll work out."

"Well, he's going to have to get use to it and soon, because Thomas is coming for a visit." Claire announced shocking her friend.

"What?"

Claire looked over at Kate with a serious look on her face. "Yeah, I talked to him yesterday and he's making arrangements to take some vacation time and come here to meet Aaron in person."

"And Charlie doesn't know?" Kate guessed.

"Not yet."

"But…"

"I'll tell him when Thomas gives me the final plans."

"Are you sure that's a good idea. Maybe you should tell him know while it's still in the planning stages."

Claire firmly shook her head. "It'll only cause more problems. I know it sounds like I'm trying to avoid confrontation and maybe I am…cause no matter what Charlie's not going to be happy about this visit."

Kate shrugged her shoulders but stayed quiet already visualizing how Charlie would take the news.

At this point Aaron came running up slightly out of breath asking for a sandwich and the conversation topic was dropped for the rest of the afternoon.

_Dear Jack,_

_Our daughter cut her first tooth! Poor baby, she cried so much it made me cry too. But now she has this tiny little tooth on the front of her mouth. Here's the first picture of her with her new tooth – she was still a little weepy – I think her gums are still sore. Her teething rings are her favorite toys right now. _

_She's getting stronger at standing, but she hasn't really tried to take any steps yet. I can her thinking about it, but I don't think she's gotten the idea of trying. _

_I took her for a check up yesterday and you'd be happy to know that she's growing and progressing normally. They tested her hearing and her reflexes – all good. Dr. Michaels said her motor skills are good too. She's perfect. Okay that's my opinion, but it's still true. Love, Kate._

**TBC**

_**Next: Sarah has a plan. Thomas unintentionally causes more problems.**_


	34. Ch 34 You Can't Go Back

_**A/N: Thanks to all of you who feed the ferocious appetite of this review whore and left behind comments…I truly appreciate it. I know that many of you are frustrated and impatient with wanting Jack to know he has a daughter. I am too – I want to go back to writing Jack and Kate interacting!! One of the reasons for my delay with this chapter is that I'm trying to rework this next part of the story to get to the next part. So after this chapter the next ones are going to be more heavily narrative and not so dialog dictated to push the story to the point where I want it to be. So if those chapters (and I'm not saying how many – but don't worry there won't be but a very few) kind of suck – sorry ahead of time.**_

_**And for those of you guys that are feeling the Kate hate (or at least frustration) for keeping Jack in the dark just know that it's coming from a part of her that's fearful and scared…and what did past Kate do when she got scared?? Let's say it all together now…RUN!! But with motherhood comes maturity and eventually Miss Kate will realize running never solved anything! **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song 'You Can't Go Back' by Bruce Springsteen. **_

**CHAPTER 34 – You Can't Go Back**

Hey hey, you can't go back  
Hey hey, you can't go back

Now I used to have the kind of luck  
That went from bad to worse  
A gypsy on the waterfront  
She told me I was cursed  
She said no one's young forever  
Well I just laughed  
I turned to leave around the corner  
And the years went past  
Now I'm looking for a piece of myself  
On the same streets that I once knew but…

Hey hey, you can't go back  
Hey hey, you can't go back

"I still can't believe that you guys are going to Acapulco." Judy commented as she was greeted by Sarah at the front door carrying a dress bag. "That Jack agreed."

"He did." Sarah smirked as she let her friend in. "I was surprised too. I had to play the sympathy card a bit, but I also reminded him that he hasn't really taken a vacation or any time off in months." Sarah explained as she folded a t-shirt and put it in the suitcase. "Besides Jack's a good guy and good guys don't turn down a dying girl's wish."

Judy looked at her friend in surprise.

"What?" Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "They don't."

"I wish you wouldn't joke like that sometimes." Judy told her sadly.

"JuJu, it's just a joke."

"Still…"

Sarah put down the shorts she was folding and looked over at her friend, taking in the serious look on Judy's face. "Does it really bug you?'

Judy nodded slowly. "I know that joking helps you deal but lately when I see you like this….all bubbly and excited…it's hard to believe that…that you're…" her voice trailed off and her gaze went down to the floor briefly.

"That I'm going t die." Sarah finished the statement.

"Yeah." Judge said quietly.

Sarah reached over and hugged her friend, surprised a little by how fiercely she returned it. "I know, but you know what? It's not happening today, so you need to just push that thought aside and help me finish packing or I'll never be ready to leave tomorrow." She laughed trying to lighten up the mood.

Pulling out of the embrace Judy smiled. "So, are all your reservations in order?"

"Oh yeah, I called the hotel yesterday just to confirm. They're having a carnivàle festival during the time we're there so we were lucky to get a room." Sarah chatted happily.

Judy looked over at her sideways. "A room?" She asked warily. "You reserved only one room?"

"They really only had one room left." Sarah said.

"Does Jack know this?" Judy wanted to know.

Sarah looked down to the floor for a moment but didn't say anything.

"Sarah," Judy raised her voice. "Did you tell Jack you only got one room?"

Sarah sighed. "Not yet." She finally admitted.

"Jeez, Sarah…"

"What? It's not like I purposely did it." Sarah shot back defensively. "The hotel's booked with the festival…the whole city is."

"So, why didn't you pick a different date to go?" Judy continued to probe.

Sarah looked at her friend in surprise. Why was Judy grilling her over such a trivial thing? "Well, for one I'm feeling good right now and you know that could change." She explained "Besides Jack's already cleared his schedule for this trip. If I change it, it would probably be at least a couple of months before we'd have another chance to go."

"Well, at least tell him about the room before you leave." Judy retorted.

"I'm going to tell him. I just don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it." Sarah walked over to her nightstand and pulled out a couple of books she planned on taking along.

"I just don't want you hurt expecting more than Jack is offering." Judy told her exasperated.

Sarah snapped her head up and looked over at Judy. "What's that suppose to mean?" She asked sharply.

"You two are getting along better, I can see that." Judy paused for a moment formalizing her words carefully. "But…I doubt that Jack agreed to go to Acapulco thinking it was going to be a romantic getaway."

A brief look of hurt crossed Sarah's face before she quickly regained composure. She looked down to the bed and pulled at the suitcase shutting it. "Thanks for the use of those sundresses JuJu. I think I'm about done with the packing."

"Sarah, I wasn't trying to hurt you." Judy reached up and touched her best friend's shoulder. "I just don't want you setting yourself up and getting hurt when it doesn't go that way."

Sarah took a deep breath and let it out. "Is it so hard to believe he could want to be with me? I mean, we were married once."

"And that ended." Judy reminded her frustrated with what Sarah was apparently planning to do. "And badly I might add."

Sarah ignored the last comment. "But we're back living together and spending time together and we're getting along good…having fun…like before when we first started dating." She pointed out.

This time it was Judy's turn to let out a sigh. "Sarah, sweetie, it's not the same thing."

"I could be, you don't know. " Sarah shot back stubbornly.

Judy shook her head. "No, it can't be and you know that. He's in love with another woman."

"He could be getting over her. It's been awhile." Sarah replied, an almost desperate tone to her voice.

Judy had to admit she was surprised by Sarah's sudden romantic ideas towards Jack. As far as Judy could tell, while Jack was making more of an effort to be at home and spend time with Sarah, there was no romantic vibe to it. He was being a friend nothing more. And while Judy got that, Sarah apparently was reading more into it.

"Has Jack made any moves or said anything that makes you think he wants more than friendship?" She asked Sarah gently.

The blonde woman shook her head slowly. "He loved me once." She said wistfully.

"But things changed Sarah." Judy replied gently. "He met someone else and he fell in love. And the only reason he's doing this whole marriage thing with you is because _she_ asked him to."

Sarah looked up at her oldest friend's face, tears threatening to form at hearing her words. She knew Judy was only telling her the truth…but at the moment it was the last thing she wanted to hear. She was looking forward to Acapulco and being able to spend some time with Jack with no interruptions, no doctor visits or work getting in the way. And a chance to maybe remind him how they use to be.

The front door opening and closing interrupted the girls conversation. Jack was home.

Sarah wiped at her eyes and smoothed her shirt out. "Don't say anything to Jack." She instructed Judy to which the young woman just nodded. She had said all she was going to say.

The plane ride to Acapulco went smoothly much to Jack's relief. He had to admit that since the rescue he hadn't been a big fan of flying. His stomach always in knots until the plane landed.

As their luggage was loaded up in the taxi they were riding from the airport to the hotel Jack glanced over a couple of times at Sarah noticing the genuine smile on her face. When he had agreed to go on a trip with her he hadn't been happy with her choice of city. Even if it was only for 4 days the idea of going out of the country didn't sound good to Jack. It wasn't until after he had spoken to Sarah's doctor who assured him that Sarah would be okay. He had thrown out the word _remission_ saying that Sarah's last two series of tests seemed to indicate that the cancer was not progressing as it had been before. She was by no means cancer free, but she was stable enough to go on a short vacation provided she didn't overdue herself.

It was a short time later when they were at the reservation desk inside the colorful lobby of the Hotel Playa, a beautiful resort in the heart of the touristy part of the city. The lobby was decorated in bright colors and had some streamers, Marti Gras type masks and clusters of balloons, all in celebration of the carnivàle festival that was going on.

"Okay, Senor Shepard, your room is 327 on the 3rd floor. Here are your keys." The clerk handed him two card keys and the check in sheet to sign off. "We'll have the bellman take your bags up shortly."

Jack looked down at the check in sheet in confusion. "There seems to be a mistake. We're supposed to have two rooms." Jack told the older man behind the desk.

It was now the other man's turn to be confused. "I'm sorry, senor, two rooms."

"Yes, the reservation was for two rooms." He replied glancing over at Sarah who was distracted looking at the photographs on one of the walls.

The clerk, who's name badge read 'Luis' looked over at his computer. "I'm sorry Senor Shepard, it shows here only one room was reserved." He said pointing to the screen.

Jack glanced over at Sarah again wondering what was going on. "Well…we need another room." He said firmly.

"Unfortunately, with the festival we are booked…at least for tonight. It's possible I'll have another room tomorrow." Luis told him as he clicked the keys on the computer and changed screens.

Glancing down at his watch Jack knew it was probably too late to do anything tonight so he nodded. "Fine, I'll take the first room you have available tomorrow." He signed the registration slip. "Do you have any roll-a-way beds that could be brought to the room?"

Luis arched an eyebrow as he glanced from Jack to the woman he presumed was his wife, curious about the situation, but saavy enough not to comment. "You have a suite…the couch pulls out into a sleeper."

Satisfied Jack nodded and thanked the man. By now the bellman had their bags loaded on the cart and was ready to escort them to the room.

"Was there a problem?" Sarah asked sweetly as they made their way to the elevator.

"We'll discuss it when we get to the room." Jack replied in a lowered voice.

They rode up the elevator in silence and continued not to say anything while the bellman loaded their luggage and showed them the room's amenities.

"What's wrong, Jack?" Sarah asked once the bellman left.

Grabbing a bottle of water and opening it he took a sip before speaking. "Did you only reserve one room, Sarah?"

"What?" Sarah sputtered surprised by his question.

"The front desk showed our reservation for only one room." Jack told her. "Said that's how it was made."

"Well, they must have made a mistake." She replied quickly trying to keep her composure.

"So, you didn't reserve only one room for us?" Jack asked slowly, suspicion in his tone.

"No, of course not." Sarah lied. "I asked for two rooms."

"And you confirmed that?" Jack asked. "Because it showed only one room requested." He sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Sarah opened her suitcase and started to unpack.

"Like I said, it must be a mistake." She said trying to keep from showing her nervousness. She could tell Jack was not happy about the arrangement and she didn't want to anger him more by admitting what she had done.

Jack stared at her for a moment longer looking for any sign that she wasn't being honest. Noticing his stare Sarah shrugged her shoulders at him and resumed unpacking

"I'm not surprised. I'm sure they've been busy with all these people coming in for the festival." She commented.

"Yeah, I guess so." Jack replied slowly. "Maybe the hotel did screw it up"

Nodding Sarah gave him a smile. "We'll just have to make do. I mean, it's not like we've never slept in the same bed."

But Jack shook his head as he pulled his duffle bag off the bed and placed it in the corner. "The couch pulls out into a sleeper so I'll take that tonight. The guy said they'd probably have another room available in the morning."

The young woman looked away to hide her disappointment. "Oh…" she said softly. "Well, I…ahum…guess it worked out then."

"Yeah, listen, I'm going to jump in the shower and then we can grab some dinner." He suggested.

Later that night Sarah laid awake in the hotel bed, listening to the soft hum of the air conditioner the only real noise in the room. Jack was in the outer room on the sofa sleeper. She sighed deeply to herself as she draped one arm over on the empty side of the bed. She had really hoped her idea of "innocently" having to share a bed would have worked. She thought it would trigger memories and maybe feelings Jack had. Lately she had been feeling that things were changing between them. They had been doing things more together, getting along better. Jack seemed to have let go of the pain and resentment he had been harboring against her and forgiven her for the affair. She really started to think this was their second chance.

Getting a boost of determination Sarah decided to try a different approach. Sliding out of bed she padded over to the dresser and pulled out a pink lacy nightie she had brought along. Slipping out of her pajamas and into the nightie she made her way quickly into the outer room. Taking a deep breath she stepped softly to the side of the pull out sleeper and kneeled down. The room was dark with a bit of light coming from the moonlight peeking through the curtains and bashing parts of the room in soft glow.

Looking down at his handsome face she smiled softly. _'We could work again Jack' _she thought to herself. _'We could be good' _Not really able to help herself she brought her hand up to his face and lightly dragged a finger across his cheek. Jack didn't move. Still gazing at him she touched his cheek again – this time Jack moved slightly twisting a little on the bed.

"Listen Kate," he spoke in his sleep. "You really need to move back home. This is getting ridiculous…and I miss you."

Sarah pulled her hand back as if she had been burned. Jack shifted over to his other side…his back to Sarah. "We should be together again." He mumbled. "Enough of this."

Stumbling slightly Sarah got to her feet and walked briskly back to the bedroom trying to not make noise any wake Jack. She felt absolutely foolish and didn't feel like facing Jack and trying to explain what she was doing next to his bed in a teddy.

Once back in the bedroom she yanked off the nightie and shoved it to the bottom of her suitcase. Swallowing hard she put her pajamas back on and slipped back into bed. Sniffling she wiped her eyes. She felt stupid…stupid and foolish. It was obvious that Jack was still in love with Kate even after being away from her all this time.

'_Whatever made me think we could be together? Even for the time I have left.'_

Burrowing herself further under the covers she let the tears come. Not since she had first been told about her cancer did she feel so totally and utterly alone, especially with her husband sleeping soundly in the other room dreaming about another woman.

The next morning the front desk called up to the room and as promised advised Jack they had a room available. He didn't seem to notice Sarah was pensive and quiet as she watched Jack father his luggage and move to a room down the hall.

Her mood continued the rest of the trip as they took in a few of the sights and tourists attractions as well as some of the festival events. Jack asked her a couple of times if something was wrong but always got a _"no, nothing"_ in response. He didn't notice Sarah's face as she watched some of the couples as they walked about. Her heart pained as she watched these couples laughing and walking hand in hand along the beach or sidewalk, the affection obvious. Jack seemed to be enjoying the vacation and was trying to make sure Sarah was enjoying herself, but that was it. The concern and affection he showed for her came from friendship and precaution over her illness. He didn't seek out her gaze in a crowd or reach out to take her hand in his. And because of that Sarah lost her enthusiasm for the trip and citing tiredness she convinced Jack to return home a day early.

Seattle

_Dear Jack,_

_Today was Emma's first birthday. My father and Carrie came in for the weekend. We had a small party at home with us and Aaron's play buddy from up the street, Teddy. Emma loved her cake so much she couldn't wait to plop her hands right in the middle of Winnie the Pooh's face._

_I can't believe how fast she's growing. She's already gotten really good at walking though sometimes she gets excited and falls back on her bottom. And sometimes she just walks around in circles. But she thinks it's the best thing. _

_She's starting to say more words. Remember I told you 'mama' was her first word, now she's saying 'milk', 'up', 'down', and 'no'. That one she learned pretty quick! She calls Aaron 'ron' and she can point to her nose, her mouth and her hair. She sits in her playpen with all her stuff animals and has all kinds of babbling conversations. It's pretty funny to see. Aaron plays with her and I think he understands her baby babble better than Claire or I do. Those two are going to be a force to be reckoned with in a few years, I bet. We'll have our hands full, that's for sure. _

_Love, Kate._

She picked up a freshly printed out picture of Emma in a mint green and white dress, her hair in two short ponytails tied in matching mint green bows, sitting sweetly on Kate's lap; the both of them smiling at the camera. In front of them a sheet cake decorated with the words "Happy First Birthday Emma". Winnie the Pooh characters surrounding the lettering. Smiling she glued it to the blank page next to her journal entry and wrote underneath _"Emma's 1__st__ Birthday cake"._ Next to that picture she put the picture of Emma with her hands plunged in the cake brining a piece up to her mouth to taste. The rest of the pictures she slipped into a photo album that she had started the day Emma came home from the hospital. Along with several CDs containing digital video Kate had filmed of, Emma's first year had been lovingly and painstakingly captured into albums containing photos and discs along with small keepsakes, like her hospital ID band, a copy of her footprints taken when she was born and even a small lock of her hair Kate had cut and slipped into the album.

The truth was she was having fun putting together these memory books. She was still amazed at how quickly the year had past. Emma went from being this tiny bundle she brought home from the hospital to a little person who was curious about everything and anxious to learn anything she could. She kept her mother on her toes and delighted her all at the same time.

But with this happiness came guilt. By all rights Jack should have been there to watch his daughter enjoy her first piece of birthday cake. As more time went by Kate wondered if it was even possible for them to get back what they had. Becoming a mother had changed Kate and she figured caring for a terminally ill Sarah had probably affected Jack too. What if they finally came together only to find things changed? What if Jack moved on?

Kate sighed as she fingered the cover of the photo album. He had called the other day and spoke with Claire. He had told Claire he called to touch base with her and Charlie and find out how everyone was doing. When Claire had asked if he wanted Kate to call back he had replied '_she can if she wants to, but she doesn't have to.'_ Kate had felt hurt when Claire told her about the conversation. She initially decided to call him but then changed her mind. A phone call would only end up hurting each of them He would ask her to come home and she would turn him down…hurting them both. Plus she had no idea at this point how she was going to approach telling him about Emma. No matter how he feels at the end about being a dad, he was going to be angry and hurt that she had kept it from him. He could very well turn his back on her and right now Kate was ready to face that.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of voices arguing coming from the front of the house. It was Charlie and Claire. Tensions were high between the two especially since Thomas was due for his first visit in a couple of days. Charlie had been against it from the moment Claire had told him Thomas was coming. Their fighting had increased as neither side wanted to back down.

Now their voices raised and fell in volume and Kate could make out a few words here and there. It was essentially the same things as always – Charlie fearful of losing a son and Claire refusing to let him dictate her thinking and actions.

A moment later Kate's door opened and Aaron walked in carrying a stuffed toy and his blanket. "Auntie Kate…" his voice sounded small. "Can I come in here?"

Kate nodded and welcomed the little boy onto her lap. Cuddling him against her she gently kissed the top of his head and caressed his soft blonde hair. "Did you have a bad dream?" she asked softly.

"Na ah, the loud voices woke me." Aaron told her.

"They did, huh?" Kate replied silently cursing out her friends for not realizing how their continued fighting was affecting their 3 year old son.

"I don't like it when mommy and daddy yell." Aaron said as he hugged his stuffed panda closer to his chest.

"I know, sweetie." Kate kissed him again. "Listen, why don't we get under the covers and put on some cartoons?"

"I'm not suppose to watch TV after bedtime." The little boy replied innocently.

Smiling Kate stood up with him in her arms. "That's okay, we'll only watch until we fall asleep, okay?"

"Okay." Aaron broke into a grin at the idea of getting to stay up a little late. He quickly got under the bed covers while Kate went over and shut the door and grabbed the remote.

At this point Emma woke up and stood up in her crib her arms extended towards Kate. "Up Mama." She said groggily.

Kicking off her sandals Kate picked up her daughter and made her way back to the bed. Moments later she laid in the middle with Aaron happily propped up on a pillow and Emma curled up on the other side with the Cartoon Network on the TV. The voices and sounds of the cartoon muffling the argument that continued in the other part of the house.

**TBC**

**Next up:** **The fighting continues…**


	35. Ch 35 It's Not Over

_**A/N: Sorry these chapters taking so long. I'm having a bit of trouble with these next chapters as they're "transitional" getting me to the next part of the story and setting things up where I want them to be. So, sorry if these chapters are a little weak and rushed. **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song It's Not Over by Secondhand Serenade. **_

**CHAPTER 35 – It's Not Over**

And all the words we never say come out  
And now we're all ashamed  
And there's no sense in playing games  
when you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?  
We had the chance to make it  
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over  
I wish that I could take it back  
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights  
I lose my sense of wrong and right  
I cry, I cry

I'm shaking from the pain that's in my head  
I just want to crawl into my bed  
And throw away the life I led  
But I won't let it die  
I won't let it die

But it's over, it's over, why is it over?  
We had the chance to make it  
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over  
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart  
Don't say this won't last forever  
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart  
Don't tell me that we will never be together  
We could be, over and over, we could be... forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart  
Don't say this won't last forever  
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart  
Don't tell me that we will never be together  
We could be, over and over, we could be... forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over  
Unless you let it take you  
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over  
Unless you let it break you

Thomas' visit days later did nothing to improve the tension between Charlie and Claire, it only made it worse. The morning Thomas was due to arrive Charlie, who had come home only a couple of hours earlier from a show the night before, told Claire to call Thomas and tell him not to come. Claire refused and after a brief exchange of words Charlie announced that he would not stick around for the visit, which truthfully relieved both Claire and Kate. Neither had been looking forward to an afternoon of Charlie sitting around glaring at Thomas and reminding the young man whose family this was.

The visit itself smoothly; Claire had spent the morning explaining to Aaron what was going on and who was coming to visit. She explained that he had two fathers now and that Thomas wanted to meet him and get to know him. She wasn't sure how much of it the 3 year old comprehended fully, but she also assured him that Thomas was only there for a visit and if Aaron didn't like it he wouldn't need to see him again this trip.

Because of his age and his personality the little boy seemed to adapt to this change easily. Though shy at first, Aaron soon warmed up to the young Australian man and was thrilled when Thomas, on a suggestion from Claire, presented him with a carved wooden train set. They sat on the living room floor playing with the train and getting a better feel for one another.

True to his word Charlie stayed away for the entire 3 days that Thomas was in town. Claire had tried calling him but succeeded in only getting his voice mail on which she left a couple of angry messages. Thomas could sense there was something going on with Claire and her husband but wisely didn't say anything choosing instead to work on mending their relationship for Aaron's benefit.

So after a rather successful trip Thomas departed for home with the promise of phone calls and more visits and a heartfelt hug from his son.

When Charlie did come home Claire greeted him with a plea for him to join her for couples counseling to help their troubled marriage. Charlie finally agreed and Claire set up an appointment the following week. She waited 35 minutes in the lobby before Charlie finally showed up with a weak excuse for being late. They made another appointment for a week's time with Charlie promising he would be there. That time he didn't show up at all. Deeply hurt Claire went home and calmly announced to her great aunt and Kate that she was going to separate from Charlie.

The first thing she did was a call a locksmith and had the locks to the house all changed. She then packed up several of Charlie's clothes and personal items and while Louise watched the kids she and Kate drove over to the warehouse where the band normally rehearsed and left the bags with one of the band members along with a message to call before he came over for the rest of his stuff.

Kate had asked her a couple of times if she really thought she was doing the right thing and Claire was adamant about her actions. Charlie needed to get his priorities straight and he needed to trust Claire and her decisions.

Following his lockout Charlie called Claire and asked her what she wanted him to do. She simply told him he needed to take some time to figure out what it was that he wanted in his life…what was important to him. And then he needed to figure out to make his marriage more of an equal partnership instead of him trying to always run lead.

The next couple of months of months went by rather quickly with the girls and the kids continuing with their routine except that Kate had gone out and gotten a part-time job. She started working as a hostess at an upscale social club. It catered mainly to wealthy businessmen and women who were their primary members. Kate's job was to greet the members when they arrived, show them to their tables and take their initial drink orders as well as requests for cigars and cigarettes. The club was open for lunch and dinner and had a golf course, a tennis court and a work out gym as well. It was not Kate's ideal job, but the pay and tips were good and the hours allowed her to be with Emma in the mornings and be home most nights to tuck her in.

To distract herself from her marital problems Claire decided to try and track down her biological father. She told her Aunt Louise how watching Kate with her dad Sam had sparked Claire into wanting to connect with the man and possibly try to form a relationship. Maybe she even had other relatives out there, she told Louise, maybe half brothers and sisters. She wanted Aaron to have a chance to get to know them if they existed. Louise gently warned her that she had to be prepared that if there were other children out there they might not be so receptive to Claire trying to come into their lives. But Claire was willing to take that chance.

Unfortunately, since Louise had already moved to Melbourne before Claire was born she couldn't provide much help. She knew nothing more about Claire's father than what the man had told her great niece himself the day Claire ran into him at the hospital. A call to Claire's Aunt Lindsey didn't prove fruitful either. Claire suspected that she knew quite a bit about the relationship her sister had with the American doctor, but she told Claire to forget it, that no good would come of it.

Another month passed and it was soon time for Aaron's 4th birthday. The little boy was excited about his upcoming party. He was now going to pre-school and had made some friends there that would be invited to the party. He had also invited his "Daddy Thomas" as he called him and the young man, touched by his sweet gesture, promised to be there.

Claire, meanwhile, was a nervous wreak. Finals were approaching and trying to study and plan a child's birthday party was becoming stressful. Kate offered to help with the decorations and the games and Louise immediately took over preparing the menu for the party.

Now the next big obstacle was to let Charlie know about the party and that Thomas would also be attending. Claire had talked to him on the phone fairly often and had even met him for lunch a couple of times. They had managed to have a good time and Charlie did look like he was trying so Claire was confident that the party would go fine.

She decided to catch one of his shows figuring they could go out after and talk about the party and make some plans for Aaron's gift.

Now as she stood in front of the mirror smoothing out her shirt she thought how funny it was that she was a bit nervous about going to meet her husband for coffee.

"You look fine." Kate told her from behind.

Turning she smiled at her friend who was standing at the doorway holding a pajama clad Emma on her hip. "You think so?" She asked shyly. "Not too boring?" She referred to her choice of a pair of 'skinny jeans' and a blue ¾ sleeve shirt that was a bit form fitting with a scoop neckline. Her hair was loose and wavy.

"Are you serious?" Kate remarked surprised as she walked into the room. "You look great." She turned to a wide eyed Emma. "Doesn't Aunt Claire look pretty, sweetie?"

"Pretty." Emma giggled.

"See?" Kate commented with a grin. "And we all know what great fashion sense my daughter has."

Claire laughed and walked over and gave Emma a kiss on her forehead. "Well, thank you…both of you." She walked over to the dresser and picked up her purse. "Thanks too, Kate, for keeping an eye on Aaron for me."

"Don't worry about it." Kate replied. "Just have a good time. And don't worry about coming home early…or at all." She teased.

"Kate!" Claire exclaimed a little embarrassed at her comment.

"Well, you two are married." Kate smirked. "Maybe you could play Rockstar and Groupie." She suggested coyly.

This time Claire blushed at her suggestion. "I can't believe you just said that." She started out of her bedroom. "Besides…been there…done that." She added before disappearing down the hall.

Kate stood there for a moment processing her comment before following out after her friend. "Claire…" She called out.

Claire smirked at the brunette but didn't say a word.

"You serious?" Kate asked amused and full of curiosity.

The blonde laughed. "Oh come on Kate, you're going to tell me you and Jack never played _'doctor'_?" She asked grinning with she noticed the light pink coloring Kate's cheeks. "You did, didn't you?" she squealed. "Come on spill!"

"Why? You didn't spill about the rockstar experience." Kate retorted.

Claire rolled her eyes and sighed. "He played the guitar on this makeshift stage. I oo'd and aw'd. Pretended he sent a body guard to pick me out from the audience, went backstage and he seduced the wide eyed groupie." She rattled off in a monotone voice. "Okay, your turn."

Kate shifted a sleepy Emma from one shoulder to the other before finally walking into the living room and laying her down in the playpen.

"Come on Kate, spill." Claire said from behind her with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Are you going to be late?" Kate questioned.

"I got time." Claire deadpanned.

"I don't see what the big deal is…"

"Oh come on, Kate, you don't think that more than one of the females on the island didn't want to be in your place."

"Really?" Kate asked with a surprised tone. "They wanted to be chased by a smoke monster in the jungle?"

"Ha. Ha." Claire shook her head, her blue eyes sparkling. "I'm talking about having the attention of Doctor Hottie…"

Kate let out a small laugh. "Doctor Hottie?"

"Shannon nicknamed him that." Claire revealed.

Kate brought her hand up to her mouth. "Oh God, he'd probably die of embarrassment if he knew that."

"And I'm sure he'd turn bright red if he knew there was more than one woman willing to share her tent with him?" Claire added teasingly.

"Oh really?" Kate's eyes narrowed and she put her hands on her hips. "And just who are these women? I want names."

"Oh no," Claire shook her head with a laugh. "I'm not going to be responsible for some cat fight at our next reunion." She replied. "And don't change the subject…you still owe me a story. Come on…"

Kate threw her hands up in mock surrender. "Okay, okay,,," She chuckled. "Let's see…there was this one time…"

"There was more than one time?" Claire interrupted.

"What can I say?" the brunette giggled. "It's a fun game to play." She perched herself on the edge of the couch. "There's just something sexy about that lab coat…and the scrubs…"

"Oh really?" Claire asked amused by her friend's revelation.

Kate nodded. "Especially when there's no shirt underneath." She added in an almost whisper.

Claire stared at her shocked for a moment before joining her in a laugh. "And just _how_ did you manage that?"

"I'm not sure." Kate confessed. "That part's a little fuzzy."

"Well, what part isn't fuzzy?" Claire asked impatiently.

"Well…it started out with me asking him how a stethoscope worked, so he showed me and then he offered to do a physical…and so I had him put on his lab coat…" Kate's voice trailed off as she had a memory flash of a freshly showered Jack in black pants and barefoot with his lab coat on and the stethoscope hanging around is neck.

"So, how was the physical?" Claire's voice broke through her memories.

Kate's mouth formed a smile that made her look like the cat that swallowed a canary. "Let's just say everything you heard about surgeon's having good hand is true."

Squealing Claire reached out and squeezed Kate's forearm. "Oh my God, I knew it!" She exclaimed. "Some guys you can just look at and tell they're good in bed!"

Kate blushed at her friend's comment. She wasn't use to having these kinds of 'girl talks'…at least not with Claire – this was more Carrie's line of conversation.

"Oh, I crossed the line, didn't I?" Claire figured when she saw the color in Kate's cheeks.

"No, no…" Kate recovered quickly. "I guess I just figured you didn't wonder what he was like…"

"Hey, I'm a woman, aren't I?" Claire defended. "And he is hot…" She stopped when she saw the sad look in Kate's eyes. "Okay, time to get out of here." She quickly jumped to her feet. "Time to go see the 'rock God' perform." She grabbed her keys and purse.

"He know you coming tonight?" Kate asked grateful for the change in topic.

"I couldn't reach him, but I left him a voice mail so he should know." She explained as she walked to the door with Kate following.

"Well, have fun and tell Charlie I said hello." Kate replied as she closed the door behind Claire.

Unfortunately for Claire the night didn't go as planned. After arriving at the nightclub and sitting through the band's two sets Claire made her way back to the room where the band was hanging out. She walked in to find a crowd of people inside the small room. As she weaved through she searched the faces for her husband before finally finding him. When she did she stood there in shock.

On the couch was Charlie with a young red headed girl dressed in a tank top and short shorts nibbling on his ear. His eyes glassy and half closed Charlie had a beer in one hand and the red head's thigh in the other. As Claire's mind processed the scene her gaze drifted downward to the table in front of him. She noticed a couple of small baggies with a brown substance inside and a couple of needles lying next to them. Realization hit Claire like a ton of bricks and she let out an audible gasp.

As she turned to leave Charlie realized she was there and quickly jumped up and chased after her. He caught up as she approached her car. He tried to stammer out an explanation, a reason for what she saw, but Claire refused to listen. She simply and angrily informed him to stay away from her and Aaron from now on and that included his upcoming birthday party.

When the musician tried to protest Claire icily reminded him that he wasn't legally or biologically Aaron's father so he had no real rights where the child was concerned. With a soft "We're done." She jumped in her car and drove off. The next day she calmly filled Kate in on what had transpired and then contacted an attorney to file for divorce.

Aaron's party went off without a hitch. Charlie respected Claire's request and simply had a gift delivered along with a card for Aaron that Kate read to the child. It explained Charlie was ill and wouldn't be able to come to the party. Caught up in the excitement of the day the little boy had accepted the reason with no fuss.

Kate, meanwhile, settled into her job and was fitting in well with the rest of the staff. Men flirted with the beautiful brunette and a couple had even asked her to dinner, but she politely refused, preferring to go home and spend time with a growing Emma.

Los Angeles

Jack, Marc and Tony made their way through the front door of Jack's old house where Marc was still currently living. The three had gone out for a "Guys Night Out" and ended up at a couple of different bars that Tony was familiar with. Marc and Jack drank and watched as Tony tried to work his charm on a few of the women they encountered. While he had gotten a couple of phone numbers he decided not to push hooking up with any of them that evening opting to stay with his two friends as planned.

As they left the last bar they decided to buy some beer and the caught a cab back to the house. So now they settled into the couches in the living room with the beer, some chips and a bottle of tequila that Marc had pulled out of the cabinet.

"I still can't believe you didn't go home with that little blonde…what was her name?" Marc asked Tony.

"Ahum…Shelly?" He said, his voice unsure. Reaching into his shirt pocket he pulled out a piece of paper. "No, it's Shelby." He corrected himself. "Shelby."

Marc smirked and turned to look at Jack. "See, what happens when you've got too many women? You have a hard time keeping track."

"Yeah, rough problem." Jack commented as he took a swig from his beer bottle.

"Says the man who had…what…three or four women walk up and hit on him?" Tony retorted, a hint of envy in his voice.

"They weren't hitting on me." Jack denied.

"Dude, they were hitting on you." Tony insisted then looked over at Marc to back him up.

"They were hitting on you." Marc smirked as he poured out three shots of tequila trying not to spill the liquid. Jack shot him a look then shrugged his shoulders.

Tony took a long drink from his beer. "Tell me you got at least one phone number tonight." He told Jack who looked at the man in surprise.

"I've got a sick wife." He deadpanned.

"Who you're not in love with" Tony pointed out, the alcohol making him speak his mind easier. "And the woman you are in love with isn't anywhere around."

Jack shot him a nasty look and Marc quickly put up his hands to stop any confrontation. "Tony, man, leave it alone." He warned his friend.

Unfazed Tony reached over and handed the other two the shot glasses of tequila. "All I'm saying, man, is you need to look out for yourself. Let go of any plans you might have for the future and just live for the here and now." He lifted the shot glass up in a toasting manner. "To The Present" He said before downing the liquor.

"The Present" Marc lifted his glass then drank the tequila. Jack followed silently, but had a look of doubt on his face.

"What?" Tony questioned the young doctor.

"It's not that easy." Jack argued.

"Sure it is, man." The other man insisted. "You just gotta let it all go. I mean, you can't tell me you're not tired of doing everything for everyone else."

"Sometimes" Jack agreed as he took another sip of beer.

"And you gotta be a little pissed at her for putting you through all of this." Tony added.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment. He knew there was a part of him that resented the hell out of Kate for doing this and lately that part of him had started to wonder if this hadn't just been a plan for her to run again, now because she wanted to, not because she had to. Maybe she had decided she didn't want to be tied down to a relationship with him after all.

When Jack didn't answer Tony took a long sip of his beer and spoke up. "I know I'd be pissed off."

Jack let out a sigh and looked over at Marc who was actually nodding his head slightly in agreement. Jack could feel the effects of the alcohol as it continued to fuzz out his brain and numb him. "Even if I am pissed it's not like I can change anything…Kate's made that clear."

"But you can change things for yourself." Ton replied dramatically thumping the armrest of the couch.

"How so?" Marc interceded curious to see where this conversation was going.

"Like I said before, he's got to get rid of all those feelings of frustration and resentment." Tony turned his attention back to Jack. "You've got to live for the here and now, not what might happen in the future. Nobody can predict the future so all you can do is live for the present."

Marc looked over at Jack with a crocked smile on his face. "Got that from the Fire Fighter Academy" he commented. "It's on one of the walls." Jack laughed.

"That doesn't make it any less true!" Tony retorted, frustrated by his friends' apparent lack of seriousness. "I'm telling you, you've got to let it go."

Jack shook his head. "Not ready to let Kate go." He stated stubbornly.

"Then at least get your feelings out in the open." Tony looked over at Marc. "Get me a pen and paper." He instructed his friend.

"What? Why?"

"Yeah, pen and paper." Tony nodded. "And an envelope" Marc got up, stumbling slightly, then returned a minute later with the items. Tony took them and put the paper down in front of Jack and handed him the pen.

"Write." He told Jack, his voice a little louder and with a hint of slur from the alcohol.

Jack looked at him with his brow furrowed in confusion. "Write what?"

"Write her…Kate a letter telling her how you feel." Tony replied.

"You want me to write a love letter?" Jack was still confused and the beer wasn't helping to make anything clearer.

Tony shook his head. "No, you need to write her a letter telling her you're letting her go?"

"What??" Both Jack and Marc spoke at the same time.

Tony wiped a hand across his face. "It's the best way to get of that burden…take back your life and be able to move on."

Jack looked down at the blank piece of paper for a moment. "This is crazy." He finally said.

Tony slapped the table next to the paper "It's not crazy. I learned this in a class I took in college. You write down all your feelings and everything that's bothering you…get it all out in the open. Then you sign it and put it in the envelope and address it."

"Tony, man, he doesn't…" Marc started to say but his friend quickly put up his hand to interrupt.

"You don't mail it." He explained. "It's just an exercise I learned in college…a way to work through stuff…like those lists people do weighing the negative and positive of something."

Marc took a deep breath. Man, his head felt foggy. None of this made sense to him. At least not the part about addressing the envelope, but if it helped Jack…he turned and looked at his childhood friend. "Can't hurt."

Jack looked back at Marc and slowly nodded his head. "I guess not, since it doesn't get mailed."

A few minutes later Marc and Tony watched as Jack started to scribble out a letter to Kate. They offered a suggestion of a word or phrase as Jack slowly expressed his thoughts and feelings. Twenty minutes later he was done.

_Dear Kate,_

_This is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write. But I need you to know what I'm feeling. You've been gone for so long and there's been an emptiness in my life since that day you left. _

_I feel like I'm trapped in a void. I don't move forward and yet nothing is the same. For as long as I can remember I've always done things for others…put their needs and wants ahead of mine and it doesn't seem to make me happy. _

_I'm unhappy Kate, and I can't imagine you're very happy either. Or maybe you are and that's why I haven't heard much from you. I don't know. But I do feel like we've been holding on to something that may never happen and it weights heavy on us or at least on me. _

_I want to be happy Kate and I want you to be happy too. I want to be able to move past these feelings and past feeling like I'm moving in slow motion. I love you but I can't have you. I'm married to a woman I'm not in love with and didn't want to be married to but you asked me to and now I understand what you were saying about Sarah needing me. So I stay with her only not it's not so much because you once asked me to, but because if I left Sarah would be alone. A person shouldn't face death alone, that's what you told me. Sarah is strong, but I know facing her future alone scares her. _

"What about being angry?" Tony asked as he glanced over Jack's shoulder at the letter. "You gotta be mad at her walking out."

Jack took a deep breath and glanced over at Marc who nodded his head. "You were pretty pissed off those first couple of days." He pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess I was."

"Then put it down." Tony tapped on the table. "You need to get ALL those feelings out."

_Kate when you left I was angry…pissed. I was pissed at Sarah, pissed at the idea of getting married, pissed at me for going along with it and pissed at you. I couldn't understand why you'd walk away from us like that. I still can't. You should have stayed…we could have figured out some way to fix all of this. But you didn't…you chose to leave. And that's what I have to deal with. You left and I'm mad. So, I've decided the best thing for me…the best way to handle all of this is to let it all go. This is the only way I know to move forward. To move on with life._

_Jack._

"That sounds good, man." Tony said and slapped Jack on the back. "Doesn't it feel good to get that stuff out?" he asked as he finished the last of his beer.

Jack smiled. "Yeah, it does." He admitted, feeling a little less heavy hearted now that he had been able to get that stuff off his chest.

After having him complete the exercise by addressing the envelope Tony wobbled over to the side table and opened the bottle of tequila, over half of which was gone. "Let's celebrate." With slow and deliberate moves he poured out three shots spilling a little of the liquor down the sides.

"I'm good, man." Marc said waving off the shot. Things were already starting to spin around him.

"No, no…no." Tony replied shaking his head handing the glass to the light haired young man. "This is a big moment in Jack's life and we need to com…com…commemorate."

"Jeez," Marc grumbled as he took the glass.

Turning to Jack he handed him a glass then held his up in salute. "To Letting Go."

"Letting Go." The other two said then threw back the shot.

That last shot seemed to do in all three men. Marc stumbled to his bedroom while Jack made his way to his old room and his old comfortable bed. Tony waved them off and stretched out on the couch. Ten minutes later all three were sound asleep.

The next morning Tony was up before the other two. With his head feeling like a beating drum and his mouth full of cotton he made his way to the bathroom and down some aspirin before splashing some water on his face and gurgling some mouth wash.

Glancing at his watch he noticed it was almost eleven – he needed to be somewhere in less than two hours. Grabbing his car keys he wrote a note to Marc and placed it on the table. As he did he saw the envelope containing the letter Jack had composed the night before. Staring at it for a moment he grabbed the letter and took it with him deciding to mail it on the way to his house. He decided Jack needed a little help and he was just the one to do it.

**TBC**

**Next up:** The letter gets mailed…The return of an old friend and the departure of another….


	36. Ch 36 Smile

_**A/N: A thousand apologies for the massive delay in posting any updates. I didn't abandon this story by any means, but for a bit I was stuck (the lack of Jate in my story didn't help matters either) and real life kept interrupting too. But I can at least say that while I was away for a period of time I did manage to punch out the last 3 "transition" chapters moving this story along to where I can pick up the Jate pace again! So, I'm posting the first of three and hopefully if you guys respond quickly I'll post the other in the next 24 hours….(shameful cry for reviews, I know)**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song "Smile" by Lonestar. Love the lyrics and just thought they fit the tone of this chapter. **_

**CHAPTER 36 – Smile**

_**I still remember the night we met  
You said you loved my smile  
But your love for me was like a summer breeze  
Oh it lasted for a while  
I could hold on a little tighter I know  
But when you love someone gotta let'em go**_

So I'm gonna smile  
Cause I wanna make you happy  
Laugh  
So you can't see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile

Kiss me once for the good times, baby  
Kiss me twice for good bye  
You can't help how you don't feel  
And it doesn't matter why  
give me a chance to bow out gracefully  
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me

I'm gonna smile  
Cause I want to make you happy  
Laugh  
So you cant see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go Style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile

I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage  
Laugh,   
so you wont see me hurtin'  
I'm gonna let you go Style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna  
Smile

Kate stepped into the living room, having finished a shift at work, to be greeted by a teary-eyed child sporting Dora the Explorer pajamas and pigtails, carrying a stuffed rabbit.

"Mama," Emma exclaimed raising her arms up in the air.

Bending down to pick her up Kate hugged the little girl close to her and gave her a kiss on the side of her head. "Hey, Doodle Bug, what are you doing up?" she said softly.

"Don't feel good." The little girl whimpered burying her small face in the crock of Kate's neck.

"She was having trouble falling asleep," Claire said as she looked up from the couch. "kept asking for you."

Nodding Kate cuddled her daughter closer and kissed her again noticing the warmth of her skin. "She feels like she's still got a temperature."

The other woman nodded in agreement. "I took it earlier and it was a little high. I gave her some children's Tylenol along with the medicine for her ear." She explained referring to the ear infection Emma had been fighting for the last couple of days.

"Ah, the advantages of living with a nurse." Kate joked as she lowered herself onto the chair near the couch careful to reposition Emma as she sat.

Claire laughed. "I'm not one yet."

"Oh please, you graduate in two weeks." Kate retorted. She was looking forward to Claire's graduation ceremony, almost feeling as if it was a signal of a fresh start for her friend. The divorce, not contested by Charlie, was made final the previous month and with school almost done and the chance at a new job Claire was getting her life back on track.

For her part Claire felt like a new person. Her only recent disappointment had been the lack of success she had in finding her father. Her Aunt Lindsey was still putting her off but Louise had promised to talk to her and see if she could convince Lindsey to talk to Claire about it.

"So, how was work?" Claire asked putting down her textbook – last minute studying for the nursing boards.

"About the same. We were a little busier than usual with an anniversary dinner, but it wasn't bad." Kate looked down at Emma who was sucking her thumb, her eyelids starting to get droopy, content to be in her mother's arms, and gently stroked her hair.

"I did get asked out on a date." Kate revealed almost shyly.

"Really? One of the club members?"

"Yeah, he's been there a few times before."

"Cute?" Claire asked with a smirk.

"He's not bad." Kate admitted, thinking back to the blonde-haired, blue eyed man who had flashed her a perfect smile before asking her to join him for dinner.

"So, what did you say?" Claire asked before noticing the look on Kate's face. "You turned him down, didn't you?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I'm not exactly available." She pointed out.

"Well, technically, you're not taken either." Claire replied slowly.

"Claire…"

"I'm just saying, you don't know what's going to happen. I mean, look at me and Charlie?"

Kate held back reminding her friend that Jack was not some musician using drugs and hanging out with groupies. She knew Claire was still dealing with the after effects of the divorce and realizing she and Charlie weren't forever.

The blonde noticed Kate's silence and watched her cuddle her daughter…her reminder of the man she loved. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I shouldn't be dumping my baggage on you."

"That's okay." Kate replied as she gently brushed Emma's bangs, the child finally having succumbed to sleep. "I know it's been a tough time for you."

"Still…but…I guess what I was trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with going out and enjoying yourself…enjoying the attentions of a good looking man once in awhile. It doesn't have to turn into anything."

"Yeah…I suppose." Kate replied slowly not sounding very convinced. She pushed herself off of the couch careful not to disturb a sleeping Emma. "I'm going to go put her into bed and jump in the shower."

"Okay." Claire pointed in the direction of the dining room. "Your mail's on the table. You got a letter of sort."

"Oh, okay." Kate headed towards the kitchen and picked up her mail on the way to her and Emma's room. Kicking off her heels she padded over to the corner where Emma's toddler day bed, a recent purchase, was and gently laid her child under the covers. She then placed Emma's favorite toy her stuffed bunny, Snuggle, under her arm and wrapped her little arm it and smoothed down the covers.

Watching the child enjoying a peaceful slumber Kate realized just how much of a blend of her parents Emma really was. She had the dark, wavy hair of her mother, her mother's nose and her father's smile. And she was starting to acquire a light spray of freckles across her nose. Her eye color seemed to be the perfect blend of dark brown and green and they definitely sparkled when she was feeling mischievous. But as she grew Kate could tell her personality was more like her father – an almost intense and serious side to her and she definitely was stubborn – not one to give up easily.

"I suppose you got that from both of us." Kate whispered as she bent down and kissed Emma's forehead.

Deciding to take a shower and slip into sweats and a t-shirt it wasn't until 30 minutes later that she got to her mail. Shifting through a couple of bills, a catalog and some junk mail she found the letter Claire was talking about. The handwriting was a little messy but Kate immediately recognized it as Jack's. Smiling she slid open the envelope with her nail curious that he had written. Her smile quickly disappeared and tears came to her eyes as she read the contents of the letter. He was letting go…Jack was walking away. Kate felt like someone had sucker punched her in the stomach. The tears came down as her body racked in silent sobs as she clutched the letter. This couldn't be happening, she told herself. He promised he'd wait…that he would see this through. He promised they'd be together again. She looked down on the night stand at the charmed bracelet he had given her; the symbol of their love – a reminder that they were going to find their way back to one another. And now all that was erased by a letter. Trying to catch her breath she stumbled out of her room and made her way to the living room, the tears obscuring her vision slightly.

"Claire… "She choked out.

Claire turned and quickly jumped off the couch greatly concerned when she spotted the mess her friend was in. "Oh my God, Kate, what's wrong?" she asked startled. "What happened?'

"It's…it's…J-Jack." Kate sobbed still clutching the letter.

"Jack? What happened to Jack?" Claire demanded immediately thinking the worse. "Is he okay? Did something happen?"

"H-he b-broke it off." Kate managed to get out before falling into Claire's arms. "He doesn't want me anymore."

Kate stayed in bed the following three days. She felt like her whole world had come crashing down around her. Jack had called it quits…and had done so in a letter. Something she never thought him capable of. He didn't even want to face her and tell her they were done. Had he moved on? Had he fallen back in love with Sarah? Deep down Kate had feared there was a chance, even remotely small, the old feeling could come back the more time Jack spent with Sarah. But she had told herself that it wouldn't happen, that she and Jack were meant to be together. She had held on to that every day. Then the letter came and Kate was shattered.

For her part Claire did the best she could to be a supportive friend as Kate had been during her divorce. She felt bad for her friend. And she couldn't believe that Jack actually walked away. Everything about this couple had made Claire believe Jack and Kate were "It". A couple fated to be together…and now it looked like it was over. So Claire did her best to make sure Kate ate and got rest and she and Louise tried to keep Emma occupied telling the little girl that 'mommy was sick'.

A couple of days later Kate emerged from her room still upset over the break up but determined to get back to her job and back to being with her daughter. If Jack didn't want her fine, she would find a way to get over him and move on too.

Claire's graduation ceremony went smoothly with the exception of an appearance by a gift bearing Charlie who was first spotted by an excited Aaron. Kate quickly interceded and after noticing the red rimmed eyes and jittery movements she asked him to leave – her tone firm. Charlie was reluctant to leave, especially after seeing Aaron. He begged Kate to just let him give Claire his gift and congratulations. Seeing how happy the little boy was to see the man he still considered "daddy" Kate made him a deal. If he left now without incident he could meet up with her and the children during one of their treks to the park later that week. Charlie agreed and quietly slipped out.

Once receiving her nursing degree Claire was able to accept a position with Seattle Memorial – the hospital where she had done her student training. Claire's classmate and friend, Wendy D'Antoni, had also gotten a job at the hospital and had come to know the kids and Kate as well.

Claire embraced her nursing job fully and felt as if she had finally found her niche in life. It gave her a rewarding and satisfied feeling to help people – she wondered, at times, if that was something she might have inherited from her father. He had told her he was a doctor in California. Now she wished she had asked his name.

As the girls settled into their routines they discovered because of their offsetting schedules they only got a couple of nights off together during the week. It was on one of these nights that Claire and Kate decided to do something fun. At Wendy's suggestion the three decided to go to the opening of a nightclub that Wendy had heard about through the hospital grapevine.

Leaving the kids in the capable care of Aunt Louise the three arrived at the club just as the place was starting to fill up. They managed to snag a small table and quickly settled in, ordering a round of drinks from the busy waitress. Wendy soon spotted a few friends and was shortly after joining them out n the dance floor. She even managed to drag Claire out there telling her she was divorced, not dead. Kate begged off joining them happy to watch from the table sipping her long island iced tea.

"Kate?" She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned to find herself facing a blonde haired man, a member of the club she worked at – the one that had recently asked her out for a drink. Her face reflected her surprise. "Phillip? Hello."

He broke into a smile and slid into the empty chair next to her. "I thought that was you. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you." She gave him a small smile as she took a sip of her drink. "Kind of surprised to see you here."

"Really?" Phillip cocked his head to the side admiring the pretty brunette. "And why's that?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I can't imagine most of the club members would be hanging out a night club." She looked around. "Not exactly the place to make deals."

Phillip smirked and leaned in a little towards Kate. "You'd be surprised." He teased in a low voice. "Actually, I have to confess, I am here more on business than social pleasure."

Kate arched an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm one of the investors in this club." He revealed.

Again Kate was taken by surprise. "You're kidding? Really?"

He nodded. "A buddy of mine from college offered me a chance to invest. I was looking for an outside venture, so, one thing led to another and here I am."

"Wow."

"So, tell me, what'd you think of the place?" He asked happy to keep Kate engaged in conversation. At the club he didn't seem to have much of a chance to chat with her as she went about her duties as a hostess and at times bartender.

"Well, it seems…nice." Kate said as she looked around. "I've never been one for really hanging out at dance clubs, so, I don't think my opinion would help much."

"Have you tried the food yet?" Phillip asked.

"I didn't know there was a menu." Kate replied as she glanced over to the dance floor looking for her friends.

"Oh, most definitely. Mainly appetizers, burgers…but you've got to try the pizza. It's gourmet and it's great. I stole the chef from a restaurant on the eastside." He flashed her another smile and Kate laughed.

"Well, then, I guess I'll have to check that out later."

"So, you're here alone, I hope?" Phillip asked in a hopeful tone.

Kate shook her head and pointed out to the dance floor. "My friends are out there dancing."

He followed her finger and smiled widely. "The two blondes?" he confirmed, relieved she wasn't there with a date. "Great, so looks like we can have that drink then." He announced signaling to the waitress and ordered fresh drinks.

They chatted another minute or so before Claire and Wendy came off the dance floor and back to their seats. Introductions were made quickly and it wasn't long before Phillip had the ladies convinced to come and join him and his friends at their table in the back. He ordered champagne and some pizza and showered Kate with flirtatious attention, which Kate couldn't help but enjoy. Phillip Weiler was witty and charming and at 6 feet with blonde hair, blue eyes and a cleft on his chin he was easy on the eyes as well. The three ladies enjoyed their evening out and were quite impressed when Phillip arranged for a limo to take them home. When he called the next day to ask her to dinner Kate agreed to go.

The next few weeks Kate continued to see Phillip on a regular basis. She enjoyed having the attention of a man and being wined and dined. And while she enjoyed his company Kate had put off getting physical with Phillip at the start of the courtship. She explained to him that she had come out of a long term relationship and wasn't ready for that step and he had been understanding though he was not without putting a bit of pressure on her to see where it would get him.

It was about five weeks into dating Phillip that Kate finally took that step and slept with him. Feeling confused and uncomfortable Kate had gotten out of bed and dressed shortly after explaining to Phillip that she needed to get home to her daughter. And so the pattern began – when Kate and Phillip had sex she would get up after, showered and go home to sleep in her own bed. She didn't invite Phillip to stay over at her and Claire's place and Phillip didn't push. She had introduced Emma to Phillip telling her daughter that he was a "friend of mommy's" and while the child accepted that description Emma did not take to Phillip very well. She was shy and unsure around the man and wasn't very happy when her mother would leave with him on a date.

Claire was happy to see her friend going out and enjoying herself though she knew that the brunette still missed Jack, still thought about him and was still in love with the handsome doctor – even if he had broken her heart. On more than one occasion she had been tempted to call up Jack and find out just what the hell compelled him to break it off with Kate the way he did, but then just as quickly talked herself out of it. This was between Kate and Jack and it was best to stay out of it…especially if she wanted to keep both as friends. Besides Claire had enough to keep her attention with Aaron and his growing curiosity about everything and everyone.

"Aaron, sweetheart, you need to stay in your room and take your nap." Claire had instructed one Sunday afternoon. "You can play later."

"But mommy…" the little boy started to protest.

Turning on her heel Claire grabbed her son by his shoulders and steered him back to his room. "It's time for your nap Aaron Littleton, no excuses." Pulling back the covers she helped him hop in the bed and a moment later he was tucked in. "One hour…at least." She instructed before walking out the room and pulled the door almost shut behind her.

Walking back into the kitchen she found Kate standing there drinking a glass of water. She looked very preoccupied.

"Hey, Kate, I didn't know you were coming home so soon. I put Emma down for her nap about 10 minutes ago." The blonde chatted.

"Ah…thanks." Kate mumbled. "No problems?"

"Are you kidding? She's fine. It's my monster of a son who feels the need to argue the concept of a nap." Claire laughed. "He always seems to forget how cranky he can get if he skips it."

Kate nodded but didn't say anything so Claire studied her friend for a moment. "Kate, is something wrong? Did you and Phillip have a fight?"

Kate shook her head and sat down at the kitchen table. "No…not a fight."

"Then what's wrong?" Claire asked sitting down in the chair next to her friend and touching her arm gently.

Kate looked over at the young mother and gave her a small smile. "Phillip asked me to marry him." She announced in a tiny voice.

"What?!"

"Phillip asked me to marry him." She repeated. "He proposed over lunch."

"You're joking?" Claire responded in surprise.

"Shaking her head Kate reached into her pocket and pulled out a 3 carat square cut diamond ring. "Does this look like a joke?" She asked holding out the ring to Claire.

"Oh my gawd!" Claire exclaimed grabbing on to the ring "He really proposed. And look at this ring. It's what? Two..three carats? I can't believe he proposed after just a few weeks…I mean, it's not far fetched he would ask after a short time, people have fallen for each other in just days, but still…"

As she babbled she noticed that Kate had not said much. And then it dawned on her, Kate had pulled the ring out of her pants pocket, not off her finger. But before she could say anything she spotted Aaron's little head just outside the kitchen doorway. She jumped up and walked over to that direction. "Aaron, this is the last time I am going to tell you to take your nap." She scolded the little boy and grabbed his arm. "Next time, young man, you lose some playtime privileges."

"Is Auntie Kate getting married?" Aaron asked as Claire escorted him back to his room.

Claire let out a tired sigh. "What did I tell you about spying on people?" She asked.

"That it's wrong." Aaron replied dejectedly.

"That's right." Claire put him back in his bed. "You need to stay out of other people's business." She lectured. "It's rude to listen to other people's conversations."

"What's rude, mommy?" Aaron asked sweetly.

Kissing him on his forehead she pulled the covers tight around him "Rude is when you're not being nice." She said trying to keep the definition in terms the almost five year old could understand. "Now, go to sleep."

She returned to the kitchen and found Kate still sitting at the table. "Sorry about that." She said.

Kate smiled. "He really doesn't like taking his naps, huh?"

"You seem to have better luck at it than me." Claire poured herself some milk. "What's your secret?"

"I take him to the park and tire him out. Then he has no choice." Kate laughed.

"So…" Claire started. "About the ring…I take it since you're not wearing it you didn't say yes?"

Kate let out a deep sigh. "I said no." She confessed. "It's too soon and I don't feel…" She sighed again. "It's too soon. I mean we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks and Emma's still getting to know him."

"Then…" Claire pointed at the ring.

"Phillip insisted I hold on to it. Told me to take some time and think about it and then put it on when I'm ready." Kate explained with a slight furrow of the brow. "He doesn't take no for an answer very easily."

"Think you'll ever be ready?" Claire asked carefully knowing that Kate was not anywhere close to thinking about marrying another guy.

The brunette shrugged her shoulders. "I like him. I mean, he's handsome and charming and he's successful…and he seems to be okay with Emma. "She rattled off. "And he treats me really good…"

"But he's not Jack." Claire said guessing at the turmoil her friend was experiencing.

"Jack doesn't have anything to do with this." Kate retorted sharply. "This is between Phillip and I and I just think it's too soon."

Claire nodded slowly, not convinced that the handsome doctor was the main reason behind her not considering the proposal. "Are you in love with Phillip?" She asked in a straight forward manner.

"I'm still getting to know him. I think it's too soon to think I'm in love with him." Kate replied as she twirled the ring between her fingers.

Claire stood up. "Especially when you're still in love with someone else," She said softly. "It's a good thing to wait."

Before Kate could reply the front doorbell rang. Looking for a distraction from the conversation Kate told Claire she'd get it. Opening the front door she came face to face with…Sawyer. She broke out in a big grin.

"Hey, Freckles." The southerner greeted cheerfully.

"Sawyer, oh my gosh…" She reached over and hugged the man warmly. "What are you doing here?"

"At the moment growing roots standing in the doorway." He joked.

Pulling him inside Kate shut the door behind them and led him into the living room.

"Nice digs." He commented as he looked around the space.

"Thanks. It's really Claire's place." She replied modestly.

"Where is the mamacita?" He asked with a smirk.

"Right behind you." Claire said as she came into the room. Before Sawyer could say anything more the young woman reached up and pulled him into a hug. "Hi." She said softly.

For some reason Sawyer felt himself blush a little at her greeting. "Hey, Claire." He said with a touch of bashfulness. "How are you?"

"Just fine, thanks." She gestured for him to sit. Kate sat next to him on the couch and Claire on the chair to the side.

"So, where are the rug rats?" Sawyer asked looking around as if he expected to be ambushed at any moment by energetic little children.

"Taking their naps." Claire laughed. "It's not normally this quiet around here."

"So, what are you doing in town?" Kate asked happy to see her friend again after all this time.

"Actually, I got a transfer up here." Sawyer explained. "Company had an opening and seeing how I was fed up with the heat and desert I took it."

"You're moving to Seattle?" Kate asked taken by surprise.

"Moved," he corrected. "I'm suppose to be at the job site tomorrow morning."

"Did you want something to drink? Soda? Water?" Claire offered.

"You got any beer?" Sawyer asked.

She shook her head. "Fresh out."

"Soda'll do."

Claire jumped up to get the drinks while Kate continued their conversation. "So, did they set you up with an apartment? A house?"

"Ah…idiots at the home office had a mix up. The place they were originally going to put me up at ended up having some major water damage after one of your last storms. They're looking at getting me an apartment, but so far I haven't heard anything." He stretched out his legs. "I just got into town this morning, drove most of the night."

Kate smirked. "So, you thought you'd look us up and see if you could crash for a bit, huh?" She guessed.

"Well, I don't want to put you out Freckles…" He replied.

"You wouldn't be putting us out. You're welcome to stay." Claire said as she re-entered the room with three cans of soda. "We have a guest bed in what use to be the den. You're welcome to stay there."

Sawyer looked from Claire to Kate who nodded her head. "Sure, take the pull out. It's pretty comfortable."

"Stay as long as you want." Claire offered.

"Well, they said it'd be a few weeks before they would have the house fixed up…" He started to say.

"Okay." Claire and Kate said at the same time then laughed.

"Thanks." Sawyer stood up. "You mind if I bring my gear in?"

Both ladies shook their head before he left the room to get his luggage out of the truck.

"You sure about this, Claire?" Kate asked. "He can be a little trying at times."

"Please, he's got nothing on Aaron." She joked. "It's fine."

As Kate stood up preparing to go show Sawyer where he would be sleeping she grabbed on to Claire's arm. "Do me a favor. Please don't mention the proposal or the ring to anyone…especially Sawyer."

Claire gave her a quick smile. "My lips are sealed."

Kate showed Sawyer to the den and the pull out couch. She suggested he could hang some of his clothes in Aaron's closet and offered up the guest bathroom for his use warning that he'd be sharing with Claire and Aaron. A short time later she left him to take a nap and made her way to her room to check on her daughter.

Claire was on the evening rotation at the hospital so she quickly showered and changed and after spending a little time with Aaron left for work.

When Sawyer woke later he found himself disoriented for a moment before remembering where he was. Slipping his boots back on, he threw on a t-shirt over his jeans and wandered out of the den.

The noise of the television drew him into the living room with he found a blonde headed little boy sitting on the floor with a couple of trains around him watching a cartoon and playing with the toys. The child looked up at the sound of the foot steps and looked at Sawyer.

"Are you my mommy and Auntie Kate's friend Sawyer?" He asked as he pushed one of the train engines around in front of him.

"They told you about me, huh?" Sawyer replied with a smirk amazed at how much Aaron had grown since he last saw him; No longer a baby, but now a little boy.

Aaron nodded. "Ah huh. Mommy said I had to be quiet 'cause you were taking a nap." He tilted his head and looked at the southerner out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't know that grown ups took naps." He commented with innocence that only a child could possess.

Sawyer chuckled. "Sometimes we do when we're really tired."

"So, you won't be cranky later on?" Aaron remarked remembering the reason his mother always gave him for having to take a nap every afternoon.

"Yeah, so we won't be cranky later on." Sawyer looked around briefly. "So, kid, where's your mommy and _Auntie Kate_?"

"Mommy went to work. Aunt Kate's in the kitchen making dinner." Aaron replied with a smile. "Wanna watch cartoons with me?"

"Maybe later, Shorty," Sawyer returned the smile. "Right now I gotta go check out what's for dinner."

"She's making macaroni and cheese." Aaron reported as Sawyer started out the room. "It's really good."

"I'm sure it is." Sawyer made his way into the kitchen fully intent on razing the brunette on her kitchen skills. Stepping through the archway he could hear clinking and clanging coming from the kitchen to his left, but his attention was quickly captured by the little figure sitting at the kitchen table crayon in hand drawing on what appeared to be a coloring book. She looked up as Sawyer came in stopping him in his tracks.

Her hair up in two curly pigtails fastened with pink ribbons. Her pixie face held the same light coloring as her mother and from where he stood Sawyer swore he could see a small trail of freckles already across her button nose that was definitely Kate. Her hazel eyes weren't quite the same as Kate and Sawyer figured they were probably more like her father. In fact as the child scrutinized the strange man standing before her Sawyer could definitely see an expression that he had seen worn before…on her father.

"Mommy…" She called out continuing to look at Sawyer definitely not reacting to him the same as Aaron had.

Kate stepped out of the kitchen wiping her hands. "What, Doodle Bug?" She asked before noticing the southerner standing at the far end of the table. She squatted down next to her daughter. "This is my friend, Sawyer that I told you about, remember?"

"Ah huh." Emma replied in an almost whisper leaning in closer to Kate. "Is he like Phillip?"

Kate quickly shook her head. "No, sweetie, Sawyer is an old friend of your mommy and Aunt Claire. He's going to be staying with us for a little while."

"Why?" Emma asked with a serious look on her face.

Kate glanced up at a silent Sawyer and smirked before returning her gaze back to the little girl. "Well, he needs a place to sleep, so he's going to stay here, is that okay?" Kate explained giving the child a little tickle under her ear.

Emma giggled and squirmed. She looked at her mother who was still smiling and gave her a smile of her own. "Okay, Mommy..." She replied before returning her attention to her coloring.

Feeling satisfied Kate stood back up on her feet and looked over at Sawyer.

"Well, glad to see Little Freckles approved my stay." He commented sarcastically.

"You lucked out." Kate replied walking back into the kitchen and motioning for him to follow.

"What's for dinner, honey?" Sawyer joked as he looked over at the stove.

"Homemade mac and cheese and chicken nuggets." Kate announced as she broke up some lettuce for a small salad.

Sawyer made a face. "You're kidding, right?"

Kate shook her head. "Nope, not kidding." She bent down and opened the oven door to check on the nuggets. "Quit looking at me." She directed in a stern voice knowing Sawyer was probably leaning back on his heels checking out her backside.

The southerner chuckled having been caught. "Can't help it Freckles, I've missed that view."

Shutting the oven door and standing back up, she shot him a warning look. "Keep that up and you're going to find yourself sleeping out on the lawn."

"Alright, alright…" He held up his hands in mock surrender. "No need to make threats."

Pulling out some plates and utensils she handed them to the blonde haired man. "Why don't you earn your room and board and set the table?"

A few minutes later she sent the children to wash their hands before all four sat down to eat. While Aaron sat next to Sawyer and peppered their guest with questions Emma didn't say much. She seemed to be studying him looking at him at times with the same look that Kate used to wear on the island when she was trying to figure out if Sawyer was bullshitting her or not.

"You know she looks a lot like you." Sawyer told Kate tilting his head in Emma's direction. "A Lil' Freckles."

"I was wondering how long it'd take you to come up with a nickname." Kate laughed.

"Just a matter of time, Freckles." He replied with a smirk.

After dinner Kate gathered up the kids for their baths and left Sawyer to do the dishes much to his dismay. _'Earn your stay' _she had told him before retiring to the bathroom. By the time he was done with the dishes the three had reappeared in the living room – the children freshly showered and now in their pajamas. Settling in front of the television it wasn't long before Emma was curled up in her mother's lap asleep and Aaron looked about ready to follow.

"Okay, time for bed." Kate announced standing up and drawing a sleeping little girl in her arms and looking over at Sawyer. "Can you please put Aaron to bed?"

Sawyer looked at her like she had two heads. "You want me to what?"

"Put Aaron to bed" she repeated. "It would be a big help and he looks about ready to crash."

"Freckles, I don't know nothin' about playin' daddy." He retorted.

Drawing her free hand onto her hip she stared him down. "I'm not asking you to play daddy. I'm asking you to pick up a sleepy little boy and walk him over to his bed and put him under the covers. I think you're capable enough to handle that."

"Fine," Sawyer stood up and reached over for Aaron who suddenly opened his eyes. "Let's get you to bed, Shorty."

"But I'm not tired." He protested trying to stifle a yawn.

"Yeah, well, _Auntie_ Kate says its bed time." Sawyer pulled the child into his arms and was rather surprised when Aaron wrapped both his arms around his neck and his legs around his waist and laid his head on Sawyer's shoulder. Refusing to acknowledge Kate's amused smile he followed the brunette down the hall and let her point out where Aaron's room was while she retired to her room.

"Alright, get under the covers." Sawyer instructed the little boy as he pulled back the quilt.

Aaron jumped into his bed and as he settled in he looked up at the blonde man with a hopeful look on his face. "Can I have a story?"

"What?" Sawyer replied not prepared for such a request.

"Can you tell me a bedtime story?" Aaron asked again, an almost pleading tone to his voice. He loved bedtime stories.

Sawyer was about to push off the request when he looked at the small little face in front of him. The blue eyes reminding him of the child's mother; there was an accepting and trusting look in them that made Sawyer melt. "What kind of story?" he finally asked, giving in.

"One with pirates and trains." Aaron announced excitedly.

"Pirates and trains, huh?" Sawyer said amused as he pulled up a small chair next to the bed. "You do realize those two don't normally go together?"

"Use your magnation." Aaron told him with a firm determination.

Sawyer rubbed his chin and chuckled. "Mangation, huh? Okay, okay, let's see…There was once this…"

Aaron shook his head and interrupted. "No, no…you gotta start it right. Once upon a time…" He told the older man with a look that made Sawyer feel like he really should know this.

"Alright, don't get all worked up." Sawyer threw his hands up. "Once upon a time…there was this pirate named…ahum…Brutus…"

A short time later Sawyer joined Kate back out in the living room giving her a _'what?'_ when she greeted him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "So, you don't play daddy, huh?" She teased. "Looked like you were doing a pretty good job there…_Brutus_."

Sawyer shrugged his shoulders and sat next to her on the couch, grabbing the remote in the process. "The kid wanted a story about pirates and he gave me that looked that reminded me of his mama…"

Kate affectionately jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. "It's okay if you're a big softee, you know."

"I ain't no softee, Freckles," He retorted as he flipped through the channels. "And what about you? You looked pretty comfortable being a little mother there."

Kate broke into a sweet smile. "Best job in the world." She admitted. "I can't believe how much I really like being a mom. And Emma…she's the best little girl. She's beautiful, well you've already seen that…and she's smart and she loves to draw."

Sawyer looked over at the brunette in wonderment as the young woman gushed about her little girl. This was definitely a different Kate than the one that once helped him track down that cranky boar back on the island. This Kate seemed to get more enjoyment from coloring with a 2 year old than she did trekking through the jungle in search of fruit trees.

"Well, she certainly seems to have gotten your spunk." He commented flashing back to earlier in the evening when he was scrutinized by the little girl.

Kate nodded in agreement. "She definitely has spunk…and she's tenacious…like her father."

Sawyer laughed. "That's one word to describe him." He thought about his next question a moment before broaching the subject. "Speaking of Doc, I take it you haven't told him anything since I don't see him around here."

Kate quickly shook her head and reached back over for the remote. Sawyer waited for her to say something but she remained silent.

"Or…you did tell him and he didn't care." Sawyer guessed, trying to figure out what happened.

"I didn't tell him." Kate replied softly keeping her eyes fixed on the television screen. She really didn't feel like getting into this with Sawyer…especially on his first night here. She had been enjoying his quips and banter up until now. Sawyer, unfortunately, had other ideas.

"Why not?"

There it was. The question she knew had been coming. And no real wait to answer it without getting into all that had happened before his arrival.

"Come on Freckles, give it up." He pursued. "It was strange enough accepting you not telling him you were pregnant, but now here you are still holding out on telling him he has a daughter. What kind of crock is that?"

Clicking off the television she stood up and started to walk away. "This really isn't any of your business." She replied hotly.

Standing up he temporarily blocked her path. "I'm making it my business." He replied smugly.

Kate drew her hands to the side of her waist and stood defiantly in front of him. "Oh really, and what's that?" She demanded.

"Because I stepped aside…I gave the hero a clear path so it is my business." He justified crossing his arms in front of his chest.

With that Kate reached over and shoved him hard onto the couch. Catching him by surprise he fell easily.

"What the hell…"

"You arrogant son of a bitch…just what makes you think if you hadn't 'stepped aside', as you put it, you would have had a shot?" She replied harshly. "Jack wasn't by default! I fell in love with him!"

The hurt Sawyer felt at her words flashed briefly in his eyes before he spoke. "Look, Freckles…"

"Don't okay?" Kate replied, her breathing a bit ragged. "I'm not in the mood to fight with you."

"Sure could have fooled me." He retorted grumpily. He studied her for a moment before an idea hit him. "You two broke it off, didn't you?" He deduced. "That's why he ain't here playing daddy. You called it off."

She shook her head, her voice reflecting the defeat she felt over the whole situation. "He's the one that moved on." She said softly.

"Doc broke it off?" Sawyer asked in disbelief. He never would have pegged Jack as the one to walk away. He was as best Sawyer could tell _'Mr. Commitment'. _ "Why? What happened? Did he fall for the ex?"

Kate took a couple of deep breaths trying to hold on to her composure. She had shed so many tears over this whole thing when it first happened that she didn't want to shed anymore. "I really don't feel like talking about it, Sawyer." She firmly told him.

The southerner nodded, not wanting to push her anymore on the subject. "Sure, Freckles."

She nodded grateful for his compliance. "I'm going to go ahead to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

**TBC**

**Next Up: More Transition…and closer to Jack finding out the truth.**


	37. Ch 37 Transition Continues

_**A/N: Here's the next installation. Thanks to everyone that took the minute or two to drop me a review. I so appreciate it and it helps push me along with this story. I sorry to those that were upset with Kate getting involved physically with Phillip. The celibacy aspect of the story couldn't work. In Kate's mind Jack dumped her and after so much time pining away for him and then realizing (so to speak) that he wasn't coming back she is trying to move on just like she imagines Jack is. But all is not what it seems…..Anyway, the story moves along and jumps forward and in this chapter we learned something happened that all of you have been waiting for! Enjoy.**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters **_

**CHAPTER 37 – TRANSITION CONTINUES**

The next couple of days were busy at the house. Sawyer settled into his new job assignment and into staying at the house. Aaron became his shadow whenever he was home much to the amusement of the two women. And while he wouldn't admit it out loud he did enjoy spending time with the little guy and in turn with Claire. He noticed that she seemed to have an effect on him – one that relaxed and alarmed him. She made him feel good about himself like she knew he wasn't as bad a guy as he had tried to portray himself on the island. In that respect she was like Kate – both women believed underneath all that bull he flung there was a kind soul.

One of the nights that Kate was out Sawyer took the opportunity to ask Claire about what happened between Kate and Jack. Claire was diplomatic explaining that all she knew was Jack had written a letter telling Kate he was letting her go and moving on. It had broken her heart but she was trying to do the same.

When he asked about the new man, Phillip, Claire would only say he was a guy she had met through work and he seemed to be treating her good. She made no mention of the marriage proposal or the engagement ring in Kate's possession. Other than that she told Sawyer he would have to get the rest from Kate.

Claire was more forthcoming with her own story. She told Sawyer about Thomas and his growing relationship with Aaron and how Charlie had had a difficult time with the situation. They talked about her divorce and Charlie's return to the rock star life style that he apparently lived before the crash. She told him how much Charlie had changed – he wasn't the same sweet man she had met on the island. It had been difficult, she explained, to push forward with the divorce, but she had to consider what was best of her and Aaron and Charlie with his current lifestyle wasn't it.

Sawyer had to admit he was impressed with how much Claire had grown. She seemed more confident, more sure of herself. She had gone out and gotten her nursing degree and made a good stable home for her son. And as he got to know her he found she had a playful side to her. It wasn't beyond her to recruit him to help her wash the dinner dishes only to then aim the sprayer from the sink at him and hit him with a stream of water then try and claim it was an accident, all the while batting her bright blue eyes at him innocently.

Yeah, Sawyer had to admit he really was liking getting to know Claire. And the feeling, though not admitted, was mutual. So, when it came time a month later for Sawyer to move into the house he had been promised by his employer he was easily talked into continuing his stay by a pair of emerald eyes that he could never refuse in the past backed up by two pairs of blue eyes that encouraged him to stay as well.

"So, Freckles, you doing anything tonight?" Sawyer approached Kate who was busy cutting up some fruit and cheese as a snack for Emma.

"Not really. Phillip is on a business trip." Kate replied casually.

"I still don't see what you see in that guy." Sawyer told her reaching into the refrigerator for a bottle of beer.

"Besides the fact that he's good looking, charming and a successful business man?" Kate shot back.

"He ain't all that good looking." He replied taking a swig of beer.

"Check out men on a regular basis, do you?" She joked.

"Oh yeah, all the time." He deadpanned. Sawyer had met Phillip a week into his relocation to Seattle and he hadn't been impressed. Claire had described him in positive details saying, among other things, he was handsome and had perfect teeth.

He was quick with a smile and a firm handshake and the moment Sawyer met him he took a dislike to the guy. He couldn't quite place it, but Phillip reminded Sawyer of some of the con men he used to associate with in his old life. Phillip seemed to say and do the right things but underneath there was something else going on – some sort of scheme.

Sawyer had mentioned this to Claire who told him he was being silly. She asked him if maybe his dislike of Phillip had more to do with his, what she called _unresolved feelings _ for Kate. Sawyer denied it. He knew he had come to terms with his feelings for Kate after she had moved from Las Vegas. He accepted that they would only ever be friends. That was his role in her life, a friend. He had realized that especially after receiving the pictures of Emma and realizing Kate had a bond with Jack that could never be broken or surpassed. No, he didn't like Phillip simply because he didn't think the man was genuine.

"So," Kate decided to side step a potential argument and ignore the comment about Phillip. "Why are you interested in my plans for the evening?"

"Well, I was…ahum…hoping you would be able to watch Aaron." He said.

"Why? I thought Claire was getting off shift at four."

Before the Southerner could answer Emma came walking into the kitchen carrying 'Snuggle". "Mommy, I'm hungry." She pouted.

"I know, Doodle Bug. I'm making you a snack." Kate told the toddler pulling affectionately on one of her pig tails and causing the child to let out a small giggle.

"How about some juice, Lil' Freckles?" Sawyer asked the child.

"My name's Emma." The little girl replied seriously. She couldn't understand why this man always called her that.

Sawyer chuckled as he pulled out a juice box from the refrigerator. "Well, you look like your mom, so, you're Lil' Freckles to me." He told her.

As Emma took the juice Kate tapped her on the shoulder. "What do you say?"

Emma looked back at the blonde man. "Thank you Saw Saw." She replied sweetly using the name she had given him because she thought the name Sawyer found funny anyway.

Letting out a quick laugh Kate picked up the plate of food and started out to the table. "She's got you beat on that one."

"Damn, "Sawyer mumbled to himself as he took another swig of his beer. "That kid's got more of her dad in her than I thought."

"So," Kate asked him when he came out a moment later to join her n the dining area. "You still haven't told me why you want me to watch Aaron."

"Yeah, well…I was thinking about taking Claire to dinner." He announced sounding a little nervous. "You know, to pay her back…" he said responding quickly to her surprised look. "I mean to thank her for letting me move in here and all."

Kate studied her friend for a moment. She knew him pretty well and could usually tell when he was hiding something. He did look a little nervous and was he blushing a little? An idea suddenly dawned on her. "Oh my God, you're interested in Claire." She brought her hand up to her mouth in surprise.

Sawyer's face turned a deep shade of pink. "Look, Freckles…"

"You like Claire." Kate continued noticing the flush in Sawyer's cheeks.

Emma who had been drawing while she ate her snack looked up. "You like Aunt Claire Saw Saw?" She asked innocently, not understanding the meaning of the conversation. "I love Aunt Claire."

Sawyer let out a deep sigh. "Just go back to drawing, Picasso." He told her and returned his attention to the amused brunette.

"I love Aunt Claire." Kate teased. "Do you…Saw Saw…do you love Aunt Claire too?"

Sawyer glared at her. "Oh, very funny, Freckles. Maybe you two should take this act on the road." He replied sarcastically. "You be a hit."

Kate let out another laugh at his obvious discomfort. Seeing her mother laughing Emma joined in with her own giggles.

Sawyer threw up his hands in defeat. "Well, glad I could provide you with your amusement for the day. When you're ready to be serious, Freckles, and let me know if you can baby sit or not I'll be in my room." He announced before walking out of the room.

Watching him make a dramatic exit Kate let out another softer giggle, the little girl along with her. When Emma was done with her snack Kate directed her to the living room and put a video on. She reminded the little girl that Aaron would be home soon from pre-school and then she could go outside and play with him then.

As Kate entered the den which was now Sawyer's room she found the man laying on the pull out couch reading. "Sawyer" she said in a low voice so as not to startle him.

Pulling the book aside he looked at her through his reading glasses. "Come to make fun of me?"

Kate shook her head. "Sorry about that. It's just you caught me a little off guard."

"You jealous?" he asked only half teasing.

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Now who's trying to be funny?"

"Ouch Freckles, that hurt." He replied taking off his glasses. He's always hated the idea of having to wear reading glasses, but at least this pair looked better than the ones on the island.

"So…are you really interested in Claire?" Kate asked taking a serious tone to her voice.

Sawyer shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." He replied. "We seemed to have been getting along good, so I just thought we'd get some dinner and see how things go."

"Don't hurt her James." Kate demanded, her face registering just how serious she was on the subject.

"Look, Freckles…"

"I mean it!" Kate interrupted. "Claire is one of my closest friends. She's been there for me and Emma and above that she's a good person."

"I know that. I'm not gonna hurt her." Sawyer replied sincerely. "Besides, I don't even know if she's interested."

At that comment Kate smiled mischievously. "Oh, believe me, she's interested." She told him before leaving the room and leaving the man to sit back and grinned at the revelation.

With Kate agreeing to look after Aaron for the night Sawyer asked Claire to dinner and she cheerfully agreed. That dinner went so well they decided to try it again a couple of nights later and again the following week.

Things continued as such for the next couple of months with Sawyer and Claire slowly becoming a couple as they carefully introduced Aaron to the idea. For his part the little boy had no objections, he liked Sawyer very much and having him around seemed to lessen the pain of not having Charlie there.

Emma's second birthday soon arrived, but instead of having another birthday party for the little girl Kate took some time off from work and flew the two of them out to San Diego to spend some time with Sam. Emma was thrilled, not only to be going in an airplane for the first time, but also to be going to see _Grandpa_ whom she never got to see enough.

It was during their stay at Sam's that Emma decided to ask her mother an important question.

"Mommy," Emma said softly as Kate tucked her into bed one evening.

"What Doodle Bug?" Kate smiled warmly at her daughter as she kneeled by the bed smoothing out the covers. Since Sam's house was small they were both staying in the same room that Kate had slept in when she was staying with her dad during her pregnancy.

"Is Grandpa your daddy?" Emma asked.

"Yes, he is." Kate replied. "But you knew that already."

"And Aawon has two daddies?"

Kate nodded slowly. "Well, yeah. He has Daddy Thomas and Daddy Charlie."

Emma didn't say anything for a moment as she fingered her stuffed rabbit's ear, her adorable expression indicating she seemed to be thinking…hard. Kate gently caressed her cheek. "What do you want to know?"

"Mommy, do I have a daddy?" the little girl finally asked.

Kate felt the air go out of her lungs for a moment. This was definitely a talk she wasn't expecting to have at this stage of the game. She figured Emma would be older before asking. "Yes, baby, you have a daddy."

"Where is he?" She inquired her hazel eyes full of questions.

"Well…he lives in a different city than us, Los Angeles, where I used to live before." Kate pushed herself up and sat down on the bed.

"Doesn't he want me?" Emma asked confused remembering that Aaron's friend, Bert, had told them about how some daddies don't live with their kids because they don't want them.

Kate quickly shook her head. "No, no." She said firmly. "Honey, it's not that he doesn't want you, he just doesn't know about you right now. I'm sure that he would love you very, very much." She babbled.

"But why he don't know about me?" The little girl questioned sadly.

Kate let out a sigh. How do you explain something to a child that you can't even explain to yourself? Especially when you're not even sure how it snowballed into such a mess to begin with.

Laying down with her daughter Kate wrapped her arms around the little girl and planted a soft kiss on her temple. "There's a lot of grown up stuff that happened that, right now, you're too little to understand, that mean your daddy and I can't be together. When I found out I was going to have you I couldn't tell him…because…well, because he was doing a very important job and I couldn't make him leave that job."

"What kind of job, Mommy?" Emma pulled at her stuffed animal and snuggled deeper in her mother's arms. She loved bed time snuggles.

"Your daddy is a doctor, Emma. He takes care of sick people and tries to make them better. Sometimes he can't make them well, but he can make things better for them while they're sick." Kate absentmindedly caressed Emma's right arm with her fingers. "And there's this lady that's very sick and she doesn't have any family to take care of her."

"No mommy or daddy?"

Kate smiled a little and nodded. "Yeah, no mommy or daddy. Your daddy is taking care of her, trying to make things better for her."

"And then when she better he can come live with us?"

Kate let out another sigh. "I don't think so, baby."

"He doesn't want to be with us?" Emma looked up totally confused by the conversation. Daddies are supposed to live with their kids if they want them.

Her question stuck a hurtful cord in Kate. _'He obviously doesn't want to be with me anymore.'_ She thought to herself bitterly then quickly dismissed the thought. There was no way she wanted to be one of those women who talked negatively to their children about their father.

"You know what, Doodle Bug? If your daddy knew about you I don't think there's anything in this world that would keep him from being with you. In fact I'm sure of that."

"Can you tell him?" Emma asked softly. "Pwease? I won't ask for anything else."

Kate closed her eyes tightly trying to block the tears that were threatening to fall. She knew in her heart it was a request she couldn't deny and long overdue to fulfill. But at the same time she wasn't sure she was ready to face Jack and tell him the truth yet.

"Mommy, can you tell him about me?" Emma asked again.

Letting out a sigh she kissed the top of the little girl's head inhaling her freshly showered scent of strawberries n cream shower gel. "I will, baby, soon. I promise."

"Do I look like him?" Emma asked suddenly. "Cause Sawyer says I look like you. that's why he calls me Wittle Freckles."

Kate laughed at the statement and gave her daughter another kiss. "You do look like me, but you look like your daddy too. You have his smile and his ears." She pulled gently at Emma's ear lobe.

"Weally?"

"Ah huh. And you're smart like him, and stubborn…well, that I think you get from both of us." Suddenly an idea hit Kate. She started to pull herself away from the little girl and off the bed. "I'll be right back."

She padded down the hall and into the living room where Sam was watching a movie. Silently she retrieved a photo from the mantel and returned to the bedroom joining a curious Emma back on the bed.

"This is a picture that was taken with Mommy and Daddy and a bunch of friends." Kate showed her the framed photo taken of the survivors after the rescue and published on the cover of some of the magazines that had covered their story.

Emma peered at it excitedly. "There's Aunt Claire." She pointed. "And Saw Saw."

"Yeah, that's him. And that's Aaron when he was a baby." Kate told her.

"Look, Mommy, that's you." Emma looked up with a big grin pointing at the photo.

"And there…" Kate took Emma's hand and guided her finger just to the right. "That's your father." She said softly.

Emma leaned a little closer and studied the image of the man her finger was pointing at. That was her father…the man she had wondered about whenever Aaron chatted about his.

"That's daddy?" She asked almost as if looking for confirmation.

"Yes, that's your daddy, Jack…Jack Shepard." Kate's tone was still low and soft.

"Shepard like me." Emma said excitedly.

"You have the same last name." Kate explained.

"Does he like to color, Mommy?" Emma asked looking back at the picture.

Kate thought about this for a moment. "Well, he's not as good at it as you are. But he does like to play the piano, he loves to listen to music, and he likes to go running."

"Can I play the piano?" Emma wanted to know.

"Maybe when you get a little older we can send you to lessons." Kate offered.

Emma shook her head. "No, I want Daddy to teach me." She insisted. "Daddy teach."

Kate nodded but didn't reply. Instead she stood up and started to pull the covers up. "Time for bed, Doodle Bug; it's getting late."

Letting out a little yawn Emma wiggled under the covers until she was comfortable wrapping an arm around Snuggle the bunny. She was reluctant to let go of the picture. Kate smiled and took the picture and leaned it against the bedside table.

"We'll put it right here, okay? That way you can see it when you wake up in the morning." She bent over and kissed Emma on her cheek. "Night, Doodle Bug." She whispered.

"Night Mommy." Emma replied content that she now knew her father's name and what he looked like.

When the girls returned to Seattle a few days later Kate pulled out a picture that she had of her and Jack. Looking at it she felt a pain in her heart. She still loved him, she couldn't deny that. Getting involved with Jack hadn't been the easiest thing Kate had even done, but it had been the most rewarding…up until she had given birth to her daughter. She had fallen harder and deeper for him than she had for any other man in her past including Tom. She really thought that they had what it took to make it and yet here she was alone, trying her best to raise their daughter.

Wiping back a tear she tried to smile as she remembered the day they took the picture. Jack's mother had thrown a party for Jack's birthday and it was the first time that Kate was going to meet the rest of his family. Margo had initially been a bit standoff-ish when she had met Kate, but after realizing how happy her son was and how much he truly cared for the young woman and how much Kate cared for Jack, she had decided to give her a chance. After all she had lost her son once she wasn't about to lose him again because she refused to accept his choice of companion.

Kate had been extremely nervous at the idea of meeting Jack's grandparents – both sets. He had spoken so highly of his maternal grandfather Murphy that Kate was worried about making a good impression. But the party had been a success and Kate soon learned that his grandparents were more like Jack – open and accepting and not judgmental. The picture, taken by Margo, was of the couple in front of the mantel, a Happy Birthday Jack banner displayed in the back; Kate dressed in a knee length blue cocktail dress and Jack in a navy suit, smiling happily for the camera.

Kate pulled the photo out of the album and slipped it into a small frame. She decided to hang the picture over Emma's bed so that the little girl would have a keepsake of her father. And she had picked this picture in particular because it had been a happy time for the couple and that's how Kate wanted Emma to see her parents…happy.

When she showed the little girl the photo Emma had let out a squeal of delight giving her mother a big hug in return. She had even gone out and dragged Aaron into the room to show him the picture of her father that she had so bragged about since their return from San Diego.

Meanwhile, Emma's guarded relationship with Phillip continued even more so now that the little girl knew about her dad. Phillip seemed at times not to want to be bothered with having the little girl around. He had told Kate that he had had twins, a son and daughter, when he was 19 years old. He had married the mother briefly but they divorced when they both realized it wasn't going to work. Phillip had gone on to build up his shipping business but spending very little time with the children leaving them to be raised by his ex-wife. He had been generous in child support and had paid for the children to attend boarding school back east since his ex was busy with her career as well. The kids would come for a vacation during the summer and holidays were usually split between parents and involved trips to popular vacation spots.

Kate had noticed that he had strong expectations of how children should behave while in the company of adults. The times that Emma joined them for dinner she rarely spoke and usually only to her mother though Phillip did try and ask her questions here and there. When he found out that she liked drawing he had gone out and bought her an expensive art set. The box had contained crayons, markers, water colors, different types of paper and even stencils which the little girl had no idea how to use. With prompting from her mother the Emma graciously thanked him and even did a drawing for him that Phillip had promised would go up in his office. Shortly after she returned to using her old crayons and abandoned the set under her bed.

As they sat one day in the living room watching Emma playing with her dolls Phillip turned to Kate. "So, have you given the proposal any more thought? I mean, it's been awhile."

Kate nodded. "I know." She reached over and took his hand. "I just need some more time."

"Time for?"

She shrugged her shoulders and looked down at her lap. "We're still getting to know each other and…Emma…well, she needs to get used to the idea of you being around…"She looked up at him and gave him her best puppy dog eyes. "I just need some more time."

"So," Phillip cocked his head to the side and gave her a charming smile. "Does that mean that it's more of a matter of when not if?" He quizzed hopeful.

Relieved that he was going to continue to push Kate returned the smile. "I'm not saying," She replied flirtatiously. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Oh really?" Phillip said with a coy smile. "Well, if you're going to be like that I guess you'll just have to wait and see what I got you." He told her with a smirk.

Kate's face perked up. "You got me something?"

"Maybe." He said mysteriously.

"What did you get me?" She asked anxiously.

"Something shiny and sparkly…just like you.: He got up and went to where his jacket and briefcase were and pulled out a long velvet jewelry box. He returned to the couch with a big grin and handed it to Kate.

Opening it she found a necklace inside. It was a design of red garnets and diamonds on a choker style setting. "Oh my God, Phillip, "She exclaimed in surprise. "It's beautiful."

Emma stood up and walked over to look in the box. "Mommy, what is it?" She asked full of curiosity.

Kate fingered the necklace. She had never held anything so extravagant let alone own any piece of jewelry like this. "It's a necklace, baby. Do you like it?"

"It's pwetty." Emma reached out with her fingers to touch the sparkling stones but was stopped by Phillip.

"Emma, honey, don't touch it, okay?" He tried to sound sweet. "We don't want to get fingerprints all over it."

"Phillip, she's not going to break it." Kate replied lifting the necklace out of the box and putting it around Emma's neck giving her a big smile. "It looks pretty on you Doodle Bug."

Kate guided her over to the mirror on the wall and showed her. Emma giggled and reached up and touched it. "It's so shiny!" She looked back at her mother. "Now you, Mommy. You put it on."

Grinning Kate held up the necklace to her own neck. "How do I look?"

"Pwetty!" Emma exclaimed clapping her hands.

"Okay, ahum…" Phillip interrupted "Emma, can you go back to your toys?" He addressed the little girl and spoiling the moment. "I need to talk to your mom."

Her face falling, the little girl turned around and returned to her dolls in the corner. Kate's gaze followed then turned back to Phillip with a frown. "Why did you do that?" she asked as she returned the necklace to the box.

"What's wrong, Kate? I simply asked her to give me some time to speak with you. She had fun with the necklace, which by the way, is not a toy."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, children need to know that there are certain things that they shouldn't be touching; that are not to be played with."

"Mommy, I go play in my room." Emma said softly.

"Emma, please don't interrupt when a grown up is talking." Phillip told her.

"Go ahead, baby." Kate said quickly then turned back to Phillip after the little girl had run out of the room and shot him a look.

"Kate, children need to be taught manners." He told her in response.

"She's a little girl." Kate replied angrily.

"Maybe, but they're never too young to learn. The twins learned manners at a young age and are now well behaved young adults." He told her proudly.

"Oh really? And who taught them Phillip? The nanny? The headmaster at their boarding school?" She shot back.

Phillip put his hands up in defense. "Kate, I don't want to start an argument on this, please. I was just simply saying that teaching manners to a child is a good idea. I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries." He told her with a flash of a smile.

Kate gave him a weak smile knowing that he really hadn't meant any harm. "Okay, but you need to remember that she's only two. She still doesn't understand a lot."

Phillip reached over and took Kate's hand knowing that she had accepted his apology. "I know and I'm sorry. I guess I'm just a little anxious, you know? When we get married I'm going to be her father and I just want her to get use to seeing me…"

"She has a father!" Kate snapped, pulling her hand back as if it had been burned.

Phillip was taken aback by her strong reaction. "I…ah…I thought he wasn't in the picture."

"Not at the moment…"Kate admitted. "And not by his choice. But Emma wants very much to meet him and I promised that she would soon."

The light haired man took this into consideration for a moment. "Fair enough….but I still will be her stepfather…"

"I haven't said yes yet." Kate pointed out. And if she was honest this conversation wasn't winning him any points either.

Before Phillip could say any more his cell phone started ringing so he pulled it out of his pocket and checked the display. Telling Kate he had to the take the call he disappeared into the kitchen.

A minute later Kate heard the front door open and closed and Aaron came bouncing in followed by Sawyer.

"Hi Aunt Kate," the little boy greeted her with a quick hug.

"Hi Sweetie, did you have a good day at pre-school?" Kate asked as she greeted Sawyer with a quick wave and a nod.

"Ah huh." The little boy nodded as he handed her a piece of paper with crayon scratchings. "I got a happy face on my ABCs."

Kate looked at the paper and then gave the little boy a big smile. "That's great, Aaron. Your mom is going to be so proud."

"Uncle Sawyer said we're going to Rudy's." Aaron told her excitedly. "You and Emma wanna come?"

Rudy's Diner was Kate and Emma's favorite place for hamburgers. Kate had discovered it shortly after she had moved to Seattle and her cravings for steak and hamburgers had continued. It was a small placed family owned by Rudy and his wife Thelma. In some ways they had reminded Kate of Rose and Bernard and she had taken an instant liking to the couple and they to her. She went there often and after Emma was born she continued to go there and once Emma was old enough to eat solid food Thelma would whip up fresh baby food until she got old enough to eat off the menu and the 'Lil Rudy' became her favorite.

Kate looked over at Sawyer. "Rudy's huh?"

The Southerner shrugged his shoulders. "The kid aced his test. So, you two coming? Claire should be home in about an hour."

Before Kate could answer Phillip came out of the kitchen shutting his cell phone with a loud click.

"Phil, I thought I saw your car out there." Sawyer greeted the other man with a forced cheerfulness.

Phillip pursed his lips together. He had never liked being called 'Phil' and despite his previous mentions of this the Southerner continued to address him with the nickname. He knew the guy did it to push his buttons and tried hard to ignore him knowing he was a good friend of Kate's.

"James, how are you?" he threw out his hand and exchanged a handshake.

"Fine, just putting in my eight hours." Sawyer replied with a smirk.

"Well," Phillip chuckled to himself. "I wouldn't know about that. Most of my days involve 12-13 hours." He pointed out smugly.

"And mine involve more strenuous activity than flipping open a phone and clicking the keys of a computer." Sawyer shot back.

"Okay, that's enough." Kate said gently trying to keep her voice light. "Aaron would probably like some juice or something." She hinted to Sawyer.

After Sawyer left the room Phillip reached over and tentatively took Kate's hand. "I was going to suggest a quiet, romantic dinner back at my place, but it looks like I've got to go into the office and take care of a couple of things." He told her hoping that she had forgotten their previous topic of conversation.

"That's okay." Kate replied. "Sawyer's taking Claire and Aaron out to dinner and he invited Emma and I."

Pulling her into a hug Phillip planted a light kiss on her lips. "You know, I probably won't be tied up all night. You could come over later tonight?"

Kate looked up into his bright blue eyes. "Maybe, but I can't stay too late."

"You sure?" Phllip kissed her cheek. "We could have a nice breakfast out on the deck." He said hoping to tempt her. "The sunrises are beautiful."

But Kate shook her head. "I have to be here to give Emma breakfast." She reminded him.

"I can bring you early enough." He continued but sighed when the brunette shook her head again. He couldn't quite understand Kate's continued refusal to spend the entire night at his place. When he asked her a couple of times she simply told him it was nothing personal she just preferred to sleep in her own bed. He had hoped to change that but so far he had struck out.

After dispensing of Phillip Kate went and found Sawyer to let him know she and Emma would be joining them for dinner.

Claire arrived and quickly jumped into the shower while chatting through the door to Sawyer about her day at the hospital.

As they were getting ready to leave the phone rang and Claire quickly answered after checking the caller ID and seeing it was Hurley. "Hello."

"Hey, Claire, how are you?" Hurley greeted.

"Good Hurley, but listen can we call you back later? We were just on our way out to dinner." She chirped flashing a smile at Aaron. Suddenly her smiled faded. "Oh my God, when? How is Jack doing?" She nodded as she took in some information, her back turned slightly towards the others in the room.

Kate, meanwhile, felt her stomach tighten when she heard Claire mention Jack's name with concern. Did something happen to Jack? Was he hurt?

With a promise to talk to Hurley soon Claire hung up the phone and turned towards Kate. "Sarah died this morning." She said solemnly.

Kate took in a sharp breath, surprised at what she heard and felt her stomach tighten more.

Clearing his throat Sawyer looked at the kids. "Okay, Shorty, Lil' Freckles, why don't we go outside for a minute." He ushered them out the front door. "We'll go get the car."

Shooting him a grateful smile Claire turned her attention back to her friend.

"This morning?" Kate asked. "She died this morning?"

"Yeah, Hurley said she had been in and out of the hospital for awhile, but then she took a real turn for the worse last month and went into hospice." Claire explained.

Kate nodded, the words still swirling in her head. "How…how's Jack doing?" She asked in a thick voice.

"Hurley said he's doing okay. He's been running around keeping vigil and stuff."

Kate let out a sad smile. "He probably hasn't slept more than a couple of hours a night." She commented softly knowing full well Jack's tendency to neglect his owns needs while tending to others.

"Hurley says she didn't suffer. They had her on heavy morphine doses at the end." Claire added patting Kate's arm. "He said the arrangements are still being made, but he'd call us when he knew more. I figured you'd want to go."

Kate looked at her in horror. "I'm not going!" She told her.

"Kate…"

But the brunette shook her head. "No, I'm not going!" She insisted. "How inappropriate would that be? Besides, there's not reason for me to go now." She added flashing back to the letter.

"What about Emma?" Claire asked trying to keep her tone even to avoid a blow up.

"What about Emma?" Kate retorted. "You don't expect me to go to the funeral and tell him by the way you have a daughter, do you?"

Claire shrugged her shoulders. "Not at the funeral, no, but maybe after."

Kate shook her head again. "Look, I know I have to tell him, I get that, but not now. Are you forgetting he broke it off with me? Probably because he fell back in love with Sarah and I don't think I can see him grieving over losing her." She explained. "It'd be too hard."

Seeing Claire about to put up an argument Kate put up her hands. "We better get going. The kids are probably hungry and driving Sawyer nuts."

At dinner the subject was avoided with chatter from the kids and visits from Rudy and Thelma.

When they returned home Kate decided against going to Phillip's especially since it had started to rain. Instead she popped some popcorn and slipped herself and Emma into their pajamas. They crawled into bed and with Emma snuggled in her mother's embrace they watched a movie. After Emma had fallen asleep half way through the movie Kate decided against putting her back in her own bed. As the lightening flashed outside Kate laid in her bed, her daughter curled comfortably against her, Kate's thoughts a million miles away thinking about a dark haired doctor and what ifs.

**TBC**

**Next up: The last real transitional chapter!! Thank Goodness….Sarah is laid to rest and Jack learns some shocking news!**


	38. Ch 38 Say Goodbye

_**A/N: Thank you to everybody who took the time to leave a review. Sarah's death announcement certainly aroused a reaction. This chapter is the final of the transition chapters, but it's important in several ways as you'll see. Plus it gives me the chance to establish a relationship that will continue the rest of the story. **_

_**I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think. As always more comments and reviews make for a happy writer and a happy writer is a productive and quicker posting writer!!!**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song 'Say Goodbye' by Dave Matthews Band. I found both the title and the lyrics quite fitting. **_

**CHAPTER 38 – SAY GOODBYE**

_**So here we are tonight, you and me together  
The storm outside, the fire is bright  
And in your eyes I see whets on my mind  
You've got me wild, turned around inside  
And then desire, see, is creeping up heavy inside here  
And do you feel the same way as I do now  
Now lets make this an evening  
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight  
Stay here with me, love, tonight  
Just for an evening  
When we make our passion pictures  
You and me twist up as secret creatures  
And well stay here  
Tomorrow go back to being friends**_

_**Go back to being friends, but tonight lets be lovers, we kiss and sweat  
Well turn this better thing  
To the best  
Of all we can offer, just a rogue kiss  
Tangled tongues and lips,  
See me this way  
I'm turning and turning for you  
Girl, just tonight**_

_**Float away here with me  
An evening just wait and see  
But tomorrow go back to your man  
I'm back to my world  
And were back to being friends  
Wait and see me,  
Tonight lets do this thing  
All we are is wasting hours until the  
Sun comes up its all ours  
On our way here  
Tomorrow go back to being friends**_

_**Go back to being friends  
Tonight lets be lovers, say you will  
And hear me call, soft-spoken  
Whispering love  
A thing or two I have to say here  
Tonight lets go all the way then  
Love Ill see you**_

_**Just for this evening  
Lets strip down, trip out at this  
One evening starts with a kiss  
Run away**_

_**And tomorrow  
Back to being friends  
Lovers...love...lovers  
Just for tonight, one night...love you  
And tomorrow say goodbye**_

Hurley called the next day with the arrangements and Claire decided she would go. She knew that Kate was not going and she felt that she should – at least to give Jack some support. She still had a part of her that was mad at Jack for the way he broke it off with Kate, but just as Kate had tried to do in her divorce from Charlie, Claire wanted to remain neutral…at least until she heard the whole story.

Aunt Louise offered to come and stay at the house while Claire was in L.A. to help Sawyer and Kate with the kids.

Sun picked up Claire from the airport the morning she flew in since she would be staying with the Korean couple while she was there. The funeral was the next day.

After getting her settled in the guest room the two women sat down for a chance to catch up. Claire, of course, brought new pictures of both of the kids.

"Emma looks a lot like Kate." Sun commented as she looked at the photos. "I can't believe how big they're both getting…especially Aaron. "

"I know. He's going to be starting kindergarten next year!" Claire exclaimed. "Pretty soon he'll be in high school and driving."

"And dating." Sun teased.

Claire's face took on a look of shock. "Oh no, no way. I can't handle the idea of my little boy liking girls."

"Well, I think you've got some time before that." Sun laughed.

Claire nodded. "So, ahum…have you seen Jack? How is he?"

Sun frowned. "Tired. He was juggling spending time at the hospice with his hospital duties. I went over a couple of times with Jin to see if there was anything we could do. We even sat with Sarah one night so he could go and get some rest. He didn't want to take leave from the hospital…said Sarah asked him not to."

"Kate was worried about him not getting enough rest, not taking care of himself." Claire commented casually. "She figured he'd be trying to do everything for everyone."

Sun looked at the blonde woman with a quizzing look. "What about Kate? Is she going to come back now? Work things out and tell him about Emma?"

"I don't know." Claire confessed. "I asked her about coming out, at least to tell him about Emma, but she refused. She said she couldn't face him right now."

Sun sighed. "He deserves to know." She stated. "He's a good man and I hate that Jin and I are lying to him."

"Maybe, but a good man doesn't break up with you the way he did. Kate was really hurt by that and she deserved better." Claire retorted hotly.

"I know," Sun nodded her head. "I just feel this whole situation is wrong. They need to talk."

"Maybe," Claire agreed. "But I don't think Kate's ready for that, not right now."

"This guy, Phillip, is he good to her?" Sun changed the subject. She wanted to know since Kate had only mentioned him a few times in her e-mails, never going into any real details.

"Well, if you consider him showering her with gifts and taking her to fancy restaurants as being good then he is." Claire chuckled.

"Really?"

"Did she tell you he flew her to Montreal for dinner one night?" Claire said as Sun shook her head. "Yeah, she was nervous the entire flight."

"It sounds like she has found herself a winner." Sun replied using one of the American slang phases she had picked up over the years.

Claire shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but he doesn't make her face light up, make her smile one of those goofy smiles." She said sadly. "He's not Jack."

Changing the subject again Sun asked about her social life and Claire happily filled her in on how she and Sawyer were in a relationship. Sun was surprised to say the least, but happy for her friend and how her life was going.

That evening the three joined Hurley, Sayid and John for a low key dinner at one of the hotels that Hurley had an investment in.

The next day the trio quietly got dressed and drove over to the church for the service.

Claire, dressed in a simple black dress that contrasted with the blonde waves of her hair, walked behind Sun and Jin.

The small chapel was basked in low lighting and solemnly recorded music played softly in the background. She walked towards the casket at the front noticing it was surrounded by several flower arrangements. Claire didn't like funerals, never quite knowing what to say to comfort the mourning family members. But to her it was important to go and pay your respects, let the family know that their deceased loved one mattered.

'_Imagine having a funeral and no one comes?' _She thought to herself. Of course, in this case she didn't know Sarah, but she wanted Jack to know he had people who cared. Despite what had happened with Kate he had put his life on the line for her and the rest of the survivors many times back on the island and she knew she owed him.

Making her way to the casket, which was opened, she glanced in briefly before turning her attention to the pew behind her. There was Jack in a nice dark suit, hair short and face clean shaven, his eyes tired, face drawn from lack of sleep. She looked over next to him and saw a slender blonde haired woman in a black pant suit, clutching Jack's hand, her eyes red rimmed with tears.

Jack stood quickly to greet Jin with a handshake and Sun with a warm hug and a brief exchange before Jack introduced them to the woman next to him. He then spotted Claire, giving her a genuine smile.

"Claire," he simply said as he pulled her in for a hug. "I can't believe you're here."

Claire nodded against her chest. "I'm sorry about Sarah," She said softly. 'I just wanted to come and let you know, if you need anything…"

He nodded, grateful at her gesture…and touched. "You look good." He told her.

She pulled out of the hug and gave him a concerned look. "And you look like hell."

"Thanks," he deadpanned.

"I mean it. You don't look like you've gotten enough sleep." She scolded; the maternal feelings taking over, as she felt a wave of protectiveness for Jack come over her. She reached up and touched his cheek. "You need to take care of yourself."

He chuckled. "Okay, now you sound like Kate." He glanced quickly around the chapel that was quickly filing up. "Did she come?" He asked hopeful.

The blonde shook her head surprised that he asked. "She…ahum…she didn't think it was appropriate." She explained not sure how else to word it.

"Oh," jack's face fell for a moment before his attention was drawn by a small cough from the woman next to him.

"Oh, Claire, this is Judy. She was Sarah's best friend and with her through all of this." He said. "Claire was on the plane…and a good friend." He added with a warm smile.

Returning his smile Claire extended her hand to the woman. "I'm sorry for your loss." She told her sincerely.

"Thank you." Judy replied as she shook hands. "It's nice to see what wonderful friends Jack has." She looked up at Jack with a small smile.

Claire felt her eyes narrow as she scrutinized this woman standing before her. She didn't like the way Judy made that comment…something in her tone that Claire couldn't quite put her finger on. Or the way she kept a hand clamped on Jack's arm – a sign of possessiveness, Claire thought. Almost like she was trying to claim a stake in the poor man. Suddenly it dawned on Claire, maybe this was the woman, and not Sarah, that was the reason behind the letter. Claire frowned briefly and mentally shook her head clearing the thought. Judy was probably very upset about losing her friend and just reaching out for comfort – they both were. But still, there was something about this woman that Claire didn't like.

She was so lost in her thoughts she hadn't heard Jack speaking until he touched her arm. "Huh?" She pinked a little. "I'm sorry, I must have phased out for a moment."

"That's okay," Jack told her, but before he could repeat what he had said, they were approached by another mourner.

"I guess I'd better take a seat." Claire remarked as Jack turned to greet the person.

"Probably a good idea." Judy replied as she grabbed another Kleenex from her purse.

Claire went and joined Sun and Jin at one of the pews watching people as they arrived for the service. Sarah certainly seemed to know a lot of people, though she assumed that some were probably people that worked with Jack.

It caught her by surprise to see Charlie walk in with Hurley and Starla. She hadn't expected him to show and Hurley hadn't said anything to her about it the night before at dinner. He looked about the same, his hair a little longer and his beard a little more scruffy. He walked to the front with his head down and gave Jack a hug, chatting briefly, before following Hurley to a pew a couple of rows ahead of them where Sayid and John Locke were also seated.

Before sitting down he spotted Claire and quickly made his way over. "Claire, hi." He greeted with a smile sitting in the pew directly in front of her and turning back around to look at her.

"Hi Charlie," Claire said plainly.

"I didn't expect you to travel all the way here for this." He commented.

"I wanted to be here for Jack." Claire replied glancing over at Sun and Jin who had greeted the Brit with a nod and a brief 'hello'.

"Yeah, me too." Charlie said quickly. "I came down here last week to work on some music. I'll probably be staying here for a few weeks." He told her hoping she was interested in what had been happening in his life.

She wasn't. "That's nice."

"Ahum…how's Aaron?" He asked eagerly. "Did he come with you?"

"No, he stayed at home with Kate. I didn't think bringing him to a funeral was a good idea." Claire shifted in her seat a bit uncomfortable. She really hadn't had a conversation with Charlie since before the divorce.

"So, Kate stayed home, huh?" Charlie said. "Well, I guess under the circumstances…"

"Look, Charlie…" Claire interrupted. "They're going to be starting, you should probably get back to your seat."

Realizing she was indirectly trying to dismiss him Charlie nodded sadly and went back over to his seat.

The service started a few minutes later. It was low key with Judy reading a poem that had been one of Sarah's favorites and Judy's father delivering the eulogy telling those in attendance about watching Sarah grow up into a beautiful young woman with a lot of courage. A young woman who was not only his daughter's closest friend but had become a surrogate daughter to he and his wife.

After the service the group left for the cemetery for the burial. Claire tried to keep her distance from Charlie which was proving difficult since the rest of the survivors all seemed to congregate together at the grave site.

Once the burial was over the group mingled near the cars as some of the other mourners were filing out or talking to Jack and Judy and her parents.

"So, you're seeing Sawyer, huh?" Charlie said softly from behind taking Claire by surprise.

"What? How…?" Claire stammered glancing over at Hurley who was busy talking with Jin.

"Aaron." Charlie stated. "I talked to him on the phone and he told me mommy had a new boyfriend."

"I didn't know he even knew what that word meant." Claire replied with a shrug.

"So, you're not denying it?" he asked more harshly than he meant.

Claire shot him an angry look. "Why would I? Frankly Charlie, this isn't any of your business anymore."

"Well, I think I have a bloody right to know who you're bringing around Aaron." Charlie shot back drawing looks from some of the people still around.

Claire took a deep breath trying to keep her composure and stay out of an argument with Charlie, especially given where they were.

"I think you forfeited that right when you decided you wanted to be a rockstar more than his father!" Claire snapped in an angry whisper.

"I never said that." He said loudly looking sheepish immediately after when Sun glared at him.

"We're not having this conversation Charlie, especially not here." Claire hissed. "I'm not embarrassing Jack." She clutched at her purse. "Aaron is my son and I'll do for him what I think is right."

"He still calls me dad." Charlie said desperately. He didn't want to lose all contact with the little boy.

"I know, and he loves you." Claire agreed. "That's why, for his sake, I agreed that you could call him and see him some times, but you don't have a say in my life…not anymore." And with that final comment she made her way over to Jack.

Giving him another hug she squeezed his hand and smiled.

"Hey, Claire." Jack returned the smile. "You guys coming over to Judy's parents house. They're having a get together."

Claire glanced over at Charlie than shook her head. "I need to head back home to Aaron…and work.'

Glancing at Charlie himself Jack gave her an understanding nod. "I didn't get a chance to ask earlier, how's Aaron doing? He must be getting big."

Claire broke out in a big smile. "Big, curious and getting into everything." She pulled out a picture from her wallet and showed it to Jack who chuckled.

"Wow, he really is getting big." Jack commented. "hard to believe this is the same little butterball from the island."

Claire looked at him with a mock insult. "My little boy was never a butterball." She replied.

Jack chuckled again as he looked at the blonde Australian woman standing in front of him. She was changed from the almost meek pregnant girl that had crashed on the island. She had been forced to give birth and start to raise her baby in a lot harsher environment than most new mothers, but she had come through it and shown a strong and fiery personality as well. Jack could still detect a sense of vulnerability under that strong independent persona, something that still made him want to keep an eye out for her like he had tried to on the island.

"Jack, my parents are ready to go." Judy came up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Actually, I'm going to ride over with Marc." Jack told her.

Judy pursed her lips for a brief moment "Are you sure? There's room…"

"Yeah, I'm sure." He told her. "I think Marc and I are probably going to go somewhere after…just clear my head."

"That sounds like a good idea." Judy replied with a sad smile. She paused for a moment hoping for an invite, but Jack didn't bite. "Well, I guess I'll go catch up to my parents." She turned to Claire. "It was nice to meet you.

"You too." Claire replied shaking the woman's hand before Judy slowly walked away. Claire turned back to Jack and quickly spoke up. "Listen, Jack, I'd better get going too." She reached out and squeezed his hand. "My flight is later tonight."

"Oh, okay." He pulled her into a hug. "It was really good to see you again. Thanks for coming. It meant a lot."

Returning his warm hug she nodded. "Yeah, I wish it had been under better circumstances." She commented softly then pulled out of his embrace.

He tugged at her hand. "Ahum…Claire…" He spoke softly. "Kate…ahum…tell her…can you ask her to call me?" He asked nervously.

Claire was taken by surprised by his request. He had such a sad but hopeful look on his face that she just nodded. "Sure," she replied. "See you later Jack."

He gave her a small smile. "Thanks. See you later."

Once Claire went back to join Sun and Jin Jack made his way over to where Marc was and the two quickly departed the cemetery. The arrived at the house that belonged to Judy's parents a short time later.

The couple had invited people back to the home to eat. Judy's mother, Noreen, handed him a plate full of food and order him to eat. It wasn't until he had started eating that he realized how hungry he really was. It had been a stressful time since Sarah had entered hospice one last time. He had spent his days at the hospital when he was needed and then late afternoons and evenings at the hospice. Sarah had faced her last few days with courage and strength that Jack had to admit he had admired. His last words to her had been telling her that he was glad they had resolved their issues and had become good friends again.

But he also would be lying if he said he wasn't relieved that this was over. He had given Sarah her wish, putting his life on hold and was now ready to go back to living his life again. Time to find Kate…

"Hey, buddy, I see you're enjoying some of the wicked cake." Charlie greeted the young doctor with a pat on the shoulder and a warm smile.

"Hey, Charlie…Hurley," Jack greeted the two with a nod.

"So, ahum…dude, Starla wanted me to make sure I invited you to dinner next week." Hurley said as he took a sip of his soda.

"Thanks."

"Don't thank me yet." Hurley joked. "She's trying this whole Moroccan theme so you might want to bring along a bottle of pepto."

Jack looked over at his friend with a chuckle. "Thanks for the warning."

"I'm just saying…it could go either way." Hurley replied.

Letting out another chuckle the doctor put down his plate. "Alright. Just let me know when, I have to see what my schedule is like next week anyway. I was thinking about going to Seattle." He announced.

Hurley swallowed hard and looked over at Charlie. "Seattle? Like…ahum…to go see Kate?" he asked nervously.

"Yeah, that's the idea." Jack replied with a smile that disappeared as he watched his two friends exchange glances again. "What? What's wrong?"

Charlie glanced over at Hurley again who shook his head 'no' slightly. He looked back over a Jack. "I thought Claire would have told you." He said confused as to why his ex-wife hadn't said anything.

"Told me what?" jack demanded as he towered over the shorter British man.

"Kate…she's getting married." Charlie spit out.

Jack couldn't believe what he heard. _Kate getting married. _What? That couldn't be right…She promised to wait for him. He shook his head slightly then looked over at Charlie with a hard look.

"Kate's getting married?" He asked, looking for the Brit to take back his words. Tell him it was a joke.

But Charlie slowly nodded his head feeling bad for his friend. "Yeah," he said softly.

"When? To who?" Jack demanded, feeling his stomach twist in knots.

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "To some guy she met in Seattle. Must have been after I left, so I don't know who."

Feeling a numbness spreading over him Jack nodded silently. The room was starting to feel confining and stuffy. Glancing over behind the two men he saw Judy and her mother starting to make their way over. It was the last thing Jack wanted to deal with.

Putting a hand on Hurley's shoulder he looked at the big man with pleading eyes. "I need to get out of here. Can you run interference?"

Glancing behind him briefly Hurley nodded. "Sure, I got it." With that Jack whispered 'thanks' and slipped out of the room.

Hurley nudged Charlie and turned to the two women extending his hand to Noreen. "I wanted to thank you…ah…for, you know, having us here."

Noreen smiled. "You're most welcome."

Judy glanced around the two to the door Jack had disappeared to. "Where did Jack go?" She asked Charlie.

"Ahum…I think he said something about having to call into the hospital and check on a patient." He replied quickly, saying the first excuse that popped in his head.

"He wanted some privacy," Hurley added. "You know, to go over patient…medical…stuff."

Judy nodded slowly not happy with the idea that Jack would be working today. He was officially on leave for the funeral. She looked over at her mother. "Should we check on Dad?"

Nodding Noreen excused herself and followed her daughter out to the patio to check on her husband.

"Patient medical stuff?" Charlie eyed his friend with a smirk.

"Hey, dude, it was the only thing I could think of so that she wouldn't go chasing after him." Hurley replied defensively. "You know, I suck at lying."

"Isn't that the bloody truth?" Charlie mumbled.

"Besides why did you have to tell him Kate was getting married?" Hurley asked in an accusatory tone. "Did you see the look on his face?"

Charlie nodded feeling a pang of guilt at having hurt his friend mixed with a sense of obligation to tell him. "You don't think he had a right to know?"

Hurley shook his head. "I don't know if you should have been the one to tell him." He said.

"Really?" Charlie replied with shrug. "I thought he deserved to know. I still can't figure out why Claire didn't tell him."

Hurley looked at his friend with a puzzled look on his face. "You know, what's weird is that the last few times I've talked to her she's never mentioned it. I mean, she told me about her and Sawyer…" Hurley paused when he saw the look on Charlie's face. "Sorry, dude…but she didn't say anything and Kate didn't say anything when she emailed me some pictures of Emma. Isn't that weird? I mean, don't girls get all excited about weddings and stuff?"

"I don't know, man." Charlie replied taking another sip from his drink.

Hurley's eyes narrowed. "Who exactly told you Kate was getting married?"

Charlie looked down at the ground. "What's it matter? I mean, she's getting married…"

"WHO told you?" Hurley asked. "It's not like you've been in regular contact with Kate…or Claire. How did you find out?"

Charlie let out a deep breath. "Aaron told me." He said.

Hurley looked shock. "Aaron told you?" He reiterated. "Aaron?"

"Yes Aaron! Aaron told me." Charlie shot back.

"Dude, you mean to tell me you caused Jack heartache based on a conversation with a four year old?" Hurley couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"He's almost five!" Charlie defended.

"Oh then that makes the information right." Hurley replied sarcastically. "You ever think Aaron got his story wrong?"

"Aaron happens to be a very bright kid." Charlie replied with a touch of annoyance in his voice. "I'm sure he got his story right."

Hurley rubbed his temple. "I hope so 'cause you just crushed Jack's world on the word of a pre-schooler."

Meanwhile Jack has made his way out of the room and tracked down Marc without Judy or her mother spotting him. Telling his best friend that he wanted to get out of there and go for a run to clear his head, the two left and made it back to Jack's old house. Changing into jogging gear the two drove out to the beach in virtual silence. Marc, knowing his friend as well as he did, knew something was bothering him but decided to give him some space to work through whatever it was. Jack would tell him when he was ready.

So they ran along the shoreline, the firefighter and the doctor side by side, each in their own thoughts. A short time later Jack started pumping his arms harder and picking up his speed leaving Marc several feet behind.

"Hey Jack!" Marc called out to Jack's disappearing back as the handsome doctor continued racing down the shoreline. Marc tried to pick up speed but gave up minutes later when the need to fill his lungs with more air won out his need to catch up. Bending over and taking deep breaths Marc finally caught his breath then turned and jogged lightly in the same direction jack had previously gone.

He found his friend bent over on all fours in the sand heaving deeply his body moving up and down in quick succession as he tried to catch his breath.

"Jack," Marc stopped next to the man and took a couple of breaths himself. "What the hell is going on?"

Sliding back to sit on his heels Jack shook his head but didn't look up. "She promised she'd wait." He mumbled to himself. "She promised she'd still be there when this was all over…that we'd be together."

Marc, having no clue what he was talking about, squatted down next to his friend and put his hand on the man's shoulder. "Jack, man, what's wrong?" He asked. "Who's _she_?"

Jack glanced up, his face visibly upset. "Kate."

"What about Kate?' Marc was becoming more alarmed by Jack's lack of communication.

"She's getting married!" Jack spit out, the anguish in his voice palpable.

"What? Are you sure?" the lighter haired man couldn't believe what he had heard. Kate getting married to someone else.

Jack nodded sadly as he looked out to the shoreline. "Yeah, she met somebody in Seattle and now she's getting married."

"Are you sure?" Marc asked. "I mean, how did you find out?"

"Charlie…Charlie told me." Jack replied with a sigh. "She didn't even think enough to call me herself and tell me!"

"I'm sorry man, I really am." Marc squeezed his friend's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. He truly felt sorry for the man. He knew how much Kate meant to Jack and how much he still loved her. He would have sworn that Kate had felt the same way about Jack, but obviously if she was marrying somebody else her feelings must have changed.

"I knew I shouldn't have gone along with this idiotic idea!" Jack shouted out as he stood up on his feet. "But no, she practically begged me to do it…told me how important it was to her. She had some crazy idea that this was going to make up for not being there for her mother! "He started pacing back and forth. "And now Sarah's dead and Kate's moved on!"

Not knowing what else to do Marc slapped Jack on the shoulder again. "Look, why don't we get the hell out of here, changed and take that drive we talked about earlier." He suggested. "I'm sure we can find a place to get ourselves a nice steak and beer."

Jack shrugged his shoulders. At this point he had not real appetite but the last thing he wanted to do was go home and stare at the walls. Chances were he'd end up drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a whiskey bottle and that's the last thing he wanted to do. Part of him wished he was back on the island in the middle of the jungle breaking up pieces of firewood.

Three days later Jack was back at the townhouse he had shared with Sarah, packing away the rest of Sarah's stuff as well as his. With her passing Jack would be returning to his house having told Marc he was welcome to continue to live there as long as he needed to find a house to purchase.

As for Sarah's things, the few possessions that Sarah had considered special to her had already been given to the different people in her life – the rest would be going to charity. The radio played softly in the background as Jack taped a box shut and labeled it.

The doorbell rang giving him a brief startle. He opened the door to find Judy standing here in a blue running suite, her hair up in a ponytail and a bundled up pile of flattened boxes in her hands.

"Sorry I'm late." She greeted cheerfully. "A client called at the last minute and then I had to stop for boxes." She walked through the doorway into the livingroom.

Jack grabbed the boxes from her and smiled warmly. "Don't be." He told her. "I really haven't been here that long. I got hung up at the hospital myself."

"Yeah, "Judy sighed as she looked around sadly. "Can't say I've been looking forward to this either."

"Look, Judy, you don't have to do this if you're not up to it. I can get it done myself." Jack offered.

"Oh please, you'll be up all night trying to get everything packed." The blonde replied. "Besides, I promised Sarah I'd look after you." She flashed him another smile.

"Gee, thanks." Jack deadpanned before starting back towards Sarah's bedroom. "Oh, there's beer in the fridge if you're interested. I've just started the bedroom if you want to start on the living room." He suggested, knowing it'd be easier for him to finish packing up Sarah's clothes than Judy.

"Sure thing." Judy glanced at her watch. "Hey, I know it's a little early for dinner, but what'd you say we pack for a couple of hours and then order a pizza?" She called out.

The two worked diligently packing things in boxes and labeling them for the movers and charity workers who would be coming the next day.

As he packed up his stuff Jack thought about finally returning back home. A place that he thought he would be sharing with Kate. The garden that she had lovingly planted before she had moved out had grown in very nicely over time and he smiled sadly to himself as he pictured how she might have gotten such a kick out of the rosebushes that now grew and bloomed regularly along with the vines that had wrapped themselves around the porch and gave off fragrant blooms of honeysuckle and jasmine.

Thoughts like these had run through his mind since that afternoon on the beach when he had ran like he was trying to outrun reality. Memories of Kate and he would pop in his head only to be replaced by Charlie's voice saying "Kate's getting married." His heart ached like it never had before. Not even when Sarah had left him did he feel so lost and miserable. He still couldn't understand how Kate could just throw away everything they had…everything they had meant to each other like that and find happiness with another man. Was their relationship not what Jack had believed? Had Kate realized that she wasn't in love with Jack enough to wait? He cursed her for giving up, and thought he felt guilty he cursed Sarah for pulling him into this mess and then hanging on as long as she did. But most of all he cursed himself for going along with all of it. _'You're a fool Shepard and now you're paying for it' _he told himself feeling a wave of pity wash over him.

Shaking his head he took a drink of his beer then put the bottle down. He angrily pulled on the roll of tape as he guided it along the box causing it to snap prematurely and flip the box over on its side, some of the contents spilling out on the floor.

"Damn it!" he cursed pushed the box away in frustration the rest of the contents spilling out as a result.

"Hey, Jack!" Judy called softly from the doorway where she had witnessed his small outburst. She had sensed his distraction and brooding manner the whole evening but hadn't found a way to ask him about it.

"Yeah?" Jack bent down and started gathering the spilled items.

"The kitchen is all done." She walked into the room slowly. "I thought you might need some help here."

"I'm good." He replied gruffly.

Shaking her head she walked over to the doctor and started picking up some of the stuff from the floor. "Jack, what's wrong?" she asked softly.

Looking up at her the handsome doctor tried to keep his expression neutral. "Nothing's wrong." He replied.

"Oh, come on." Judy answered with a shake of her ponytail. "It's been pretty obvious all day that something's bothering you. What is it?"

"Look, Judy, I'm fine…really." He told her giving her a smile hoping to reassure her.

While she wasn't totally buying it she just nodded. "Okay, but just so you know, I'm a pretty good listener."

Jack gave her another smile. "Yeah, I know. Thanks."

Running the tape over the lid while Jack held the box Judy looked around the near bare room. "So…ahum…I'm sure you're looking forward to getting back to your old life, huh?" She asked casually. "I mean, you did pretty much put part of your life on hold."

Nodding in agreement jack looked pensive. "Yeah,"

Judy waited for him to say more but found silence instead. "So…have you talked to Kate yet?" She asked curious to know his plans.

Closing his eyes Jack took a moment before answering. "No."

Surprised Judy pressed on. "Really? I just figured you would have called her already." She chirped. "I'm kind of surprised she's not here already…"

"Can we please not talk about Kate?" Jack interrupted in a raised voice that made Judy recoil a bit.

"Why? What happened?" She asked despite his plea.

"Look, Judy, I'm really not in the mood to talk about this, okay?" He walked over and started packing another box. "It's getting late and I really just want to get everything packed and over with."

"Kate's not coming back is she?" Judy deduced from his behavior.

"No, she's not coming back, okay?!" He threw down some t-shirts in frustration and turned to the quizzing woman. "She's marrying somebody else! There are you satisfied now? Can we stop with the questions and finish the damn packing?!"

Shocked at his words and feeling bad for pushing him to talk Judy walked over to him and quickly wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry." She said softly. "I didn't know."

Jack nodded his head but didn't say anything, he simply slipped his arms around her and returned her hug. For a moment it just felt good to be comforted.

"I'm really sorry Sarah dragged you into this." Judy continued feeling tears building up as she talked of her dead friend. "I told her that it wasn't a good idea, but she was so scared…and…"

"It's not your fault." Jack told her.

"I could have tried harder to talk her out of it." Judy insisted. "Come up with some other alternative…then you wouldn't have lost Kate."

But Jack shook his head again. "Kate was the one that talked me into all this. She wanted to help Sarah…" He swallowed back tears. "She insisted…"

Judy chucked as she felt a tear fall down her cheek. "Kate sounds as stubborn as Sarah was. I guess we didn't stand a chance against those two."

Pulling himself out of her embrace he gave her a weak smile. "Probably not." He reached up and wiped another tear from her cheek. "You know, you were always a good friend to Sarah…and me."

"I'm just glad I could help." Judy replied suddenly becoming aware of just how close she was still standing next to handsome doctor. "I just wish I could do something to help you with Kate."

"There's nothing to do." Jack told her. "It's over and I just need to work through it."

Judy reached over and took his hand in hers. "Well, you're a good man and she's a fool for walking away." She told him with a smile. "Sarah was very lucky to have you in her life."

"Thanks." Jack replied and before he could say anything else he felt Judy reaching up and planting her lips against his in a tentative kiss. He hesitated at first but then returned the kiss. It was a kiss that was born more out of grief and sorrow for their recent losses than a romantic kiss. Judy slipped her arms around Jack's shoulders as the kiss deepened and his hands landed on her hips.

Breaking the kiss the two stared at each other for a moment before a mutual agreement was silently reached and they kissed again. A minute later Jack's t-shirt was on the floor joined soon after by Judy's jacket and tank top as they tumbled onto the bed directly behind them.

Seattle, WA

Kate maneuvered quickly through the airport glancing up at the signs looking for the correct department gate. Since it was not yet 6am the airport was not yet full of travelers so she was able to weave through the corridors fairly easily. Slung over her shoulder was a duffle bag packed with a couple of jeans, shirts and toiletries and in her hand she was clutching a ticket to Los Angeles.

Claire had returned from the funeral four days prior relaying her conversation with Jack and tried to convince Kate to give him a call. Kate had been as surprised by Claire with his parting comment asking Claire to have Kate call him.

'_He sounded sincere_' Claire had told her. Like he really wanted to talk to her, maybe even regretting his letter, Claire had speculated. Kate had agreed to think about calling him, if nothing else than to tell him about Emma. But as the next couple of days followed Kate's desire to see Jack grew. She told herself that she couldn't just call him and tell him '_by the way, you have a 2 ½ year old daughter_.' This was definitely a conversation that needed to be done in person she surmised and so she decided she would grab an early morning flight to L.A. and go see Jack. But feeling a little self conscious she decided not to tell anyone she was going. She figured she'd call Claire from L.A. and let her know after she had met with Jack. So, she concocted an idea about doing something for a charity event she was involved in and asked Claire to keep an eye on Emma.

Boarding the plane Kate threw her duffle bag in the overhead compartment and sat down. Securing the seatbelt she let out a deep breath to calm her nerves. She wasn't sure if she if she was more nervous about flying or seeing Jack. What would they say to each other? Did he really regret the letter? What would he say about being a father? Would he want to be a father? Would he forgive her for keeping the secret? All these thoughts ran through her head the entire flight to Los Angeles.

Before she knew it the plane was touching down at LAX and the pilot was welcoming everybody to the City of the Angeles. Armed with the address of Sarah's townhouse which she had gotten from Hurley and no need to claim any luggage Kate made her way through the busy airport in search of a taxi.

Jack felt the light of the day creeping into his half opened eyes announcing it was a new day. Relaying the events of the night before, he turned his head and found himself looking at the empty side of the bed. _Great_, he thought to himself, _she probably didn't want to face him and slipped out while he slept._ Sitting up and trying to shake the sleep from his head he found himself a bit relieved at not having to face Judy. He knew that what had happened the night before was simply two people that were hurt and broken looking for a little comfort and understanding. But while he had to admit it felt good to lose himself in another person it didn't stop him from dreaming about being with Kate. He felt guilty for using Judy to try and forget the unforgettable brunette.

Reaching down he grabbed the jeans he had discarded the night before and slipped them on. Wandering into the outer room he found a fully dressed Judy at the breakfast bar with a couple of bags, some Styrofoam containers and…what appeared to be two large cups of coffee.

"Good Morning," She greeted with a smile.

"Hey, I thought you had left." He replied still a little groggy.

"Well, I knew there wasn't any real food left here so I thought I'd run out and get some breakfast…though…" She glanced at her watch. "I guess you could consider it brunch." She joked popping open the plastic containers to reveal some scrambled eggs and bacon. "There's some bagels in the bag and some orange juice."

Jack nodded and took a long sip of coffee. "Thanks." He sat down at the counter opposite from her and started eating.

"You didn't have to be at the hospital early, I hope?" Judy asked trying to make casual conversation and ease the tension she felt when Jack walked in the room.

"No, I actually the day off to wait for the movers." He explained.

"Good." She replied. "I've got a lunch appointment myself."

Jack didn't say anything as they continued to eat. Finally Judy couldn't stand it and decided to address the elephant in the room.

"It's okay." She said softly.

Jack shot his head up. "What's okay?"

"What happened last night." She replied. "I don't regret it." She caught the look on his face. "Do you?"

Jack closed his eyes for a moment. "Judy…I…"

Her face fell. "Oh, okay." She stated with a disappointed tone.

He quickly shook his head and reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. "No, look, Judy, I don't regret it. I just don't want…I mean…we're friends and I…I'm not ready…"

Judy smiled weakly at him. "Jack, don't worry, okay? Last night we just needed each other…nothing more."

"Judy…" He stammered.

"You were hurting and I was hurting and we just reached out to each other. It's perfectly understandable and perfectly human. You needed somebody Jack, there's nothing wrong with that. I know your heart's still with Kate." She pulled her hand from under his and squeezed his fingers. "If I hadn't know before I would have figured it out this morning." She added with a touch of sadness.

Jack was totally confused. "Why's that?"

"You talk in your sleep." She stated bluntly. "You said Kate's name a few times."

Jack bowed his head sheepishly. "Oh, sorry."

Judy waved her hand as if dismissing his apology. "Don't be." She told him. "I know what last night was and I don't have any expectations."

Jack nodded slowly relieved. "So, still friends?"

"Of course we're still friends." She chuckled and returned to her breakfast keeping her best game face on. Truth be told she had been a bit crush when she woke that morning and after snuggling into Jack she heard him call out Kate's name. Not something a girl wants to hear after sleeping with a man…that man calling out his ex-girlfriend's name. But Judy was determined not to cloud her friendship with Jack so she told him what he needed to hear to reconcile himself and his actions.

A short time later Jack walked Judy out to her car carrying a box of things Jack insisted she take with her. The earlier tension between them was gone and the friendly banter between them back. As Jack leaned into the backseat to put the box in Judy couldn't help but admire the way his jean molded to his backside. Flashing back to the night before she felt a blush creep up her face; for all the talk about last night not meaning more than what it was Judy couldn't help feeling like she wouldn't mind pursuing a chance with Jack…provided he was ready to move on.

As he turned back to her he helped her open the driver's side door and smiled at her. "Thanks…for everything."

Judy glanced briefly at his bare chest – he hadn't thought to throw on a shirt when he offered to walk her out. "You're welcome. And thank you too." She smirked.

Jack chuckled. "Sure, okay."

Deciding to take a chance Judy took in a quick deep breath and reached for his hand.. "Listen, I know what I said about last night…and I meant it, but I also meant you're a great guy. Somebody that I'd like to get to know even better…when you're ready." She added.

Jack was taken by surprised. "Judy…ahum…"

She put her hand up to his lips to shush him. "I know you're not ready for anything. I'm just thinking we could hang out, have dinner…just friends. I just want you to know that if you want something more I'm up for it." She reached up planted a firm kiss on his lips. "No pressure." She whispered as she pulled her lips away.

The doctor blushed at her proposition. "I'll keep that in mind." He replied not really sure what else to say.

"You do that." She flashed him a smile and slipped into her car and slowly pulled her hand from his. "Give me a call for lunch soon." She suggested.

"See you, Judy." Jack replied with a chuckled and watched her start up the car and pull out of the driveway.

What neither one of them saw was the yellow cab parked down the street, inside a beautiful brunette sat with tears in her eyes as she watched the exchanged. It was true she had lost him forever. "Take me back to LAX" She told the taxi driver as she wiped the tears.

**TBC**

**Next up:** The Aftermath….and Kate's decision.


	39. Ch 39 Who's Your Daddy

_**A/N: Many apologies for not getting an update up sooner. I've been having issues with my internet connection and am currently on a limited basis for getting online. In the meantime I have been writing (including over the busy holidays) and already have the next two chapters written out waiting for me to type it up. I've also already started on the chapter after that which I'm kind of excited to be writing…I'm trying to make it a fun chapter.**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song 'Who's Your Daddy?' sung by Toby Keith who's title I took for this chapter. **_

**CHAPTER 39 - Who's Your Daddy?**

The flight back to Seattle was a solemn one for Kate. She hardly responded to the flight attendant's offer of snacks or drinks. She spent the entire flight looking out the window with her mind still back in L.A.

Her memory flashed back to the image of a shirtless Jack exchanging a goodbye kiss with a tall, willowy blonde. Her heart broke at the idea that he had truly found someone else.

_Everything was so screwed up and now there wasn't any way of fixing it_, she thought. And it was all her fault. She had put this whole plan into play and in the end she didn't feel any less guilt over her mother's death and she had lost the man of her dreams. As she noticed the approaching skyline of Seattle she couldn't help but wonder why Jack had told Claire to ask Kate to call him. _Did he want to tell her he had someone in his life? Was the letter not enough?_ She thought bitterly.

Slipping through the crowds at the airport Kate jumped in her vehicle and quickly made her way out of the terminal parking lot. Calling home she put her best cheery voice on when she asked Louise how Emma was doing.

Promising to be home in a couple of hours Kate drove to Phillip's house.

"Hey, Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" Phillip greeted, kissing her lightly.

"Do you still want to marry me?" Kate asked in a serious and direct manner.

Phillip took a second to process her question. "Of course I do, you know that." He reached out and took her hands in his.

"Good." Kate nodded and looked up at him. "Then I accept your proposal."

Phillip broke out into a smile. "You mean it?" he asked excitedly. "You're finally saying yes to my proposal?"

Kate nodded trying to match his growing smile with a smile of her own. "Yeah, I am."

Beaming, he pulled her into a tight embrace before kissing her with all the emotion he was feeling, never once noticing that while Kate wore a smile on her lips her eyes flickered with sadness.

"Are your sure you've got to leave?" Phillip reached across the bed and caressed Kate's shoulder as she slipped on her bra. The couple had 'celebrated' their engagement in bed at Phillip's passionate suggestion.

"Yeah, I told Claire's aunt that I would be home soon. I've been gone since this morning." She pulled her shirt over her head slipping her arms through her sleeves.

"Maybe…" Phillip rolled over on his side and dragged a finger down his arm. "but we have a lot to celebrate. I was thinking we could go to Murphy's and have a nice, romantic dinner and let me slip the ring on your finger formally."

With her back to him Kate made a face at the mention of Murphy's. It was Phillip's favorite restaurant but she hated it. The atmosphere was cold and pretentious and she had yet to find anything on their menu that had any real appeal to her.

"I've really got to get home." Kate told him as she buttoned up her jeans. Turning to him she bent down and with a smile brushed his lips lightly with hers. "Maybe we can ask Claire and Sawyer to join us somewhere." She suggested cheerfully.

Phillip nodded slowly then broke into another smile as an idea came to him. "I got it!" he exclaimed. "We'll throw a little get together at the club. It'll be fitting don't you think? I mean considering that's the place where we had our first drink."

Kate let out a small laugh. "Yeah, fitting."

Promising to call him later, Kate drove back home with the determination to focus on the future and leave the past behind.

"Mommy, you're home!" She was greeted by a dark haired little dynamo as she walked into the living room.

Picking up the little girl Kate smiled her first real smile of the day as she felt Emma wrap her arms and legs around her. "Did you miss me Doodle Bug?" Kate laughed as she kissed the side of her head.

Emma nodded. "Lots" she replied. "You missed bweakfast, Mommy."

"I know." Kate carried her daughter into the kitchen and greeted Louise.

"There's some soup if you'd like." Louise told the young woman.

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry." Kate replied as she slipped Emma back down on the floor. "Thank you for watching her. I really appreciate it."

Louise looked down at the little girl with a smile. "You're most welcome. She's a joy."

"Mommy, Aunt Louise is making cookies." Emma pointed to the kitchen counter where there was a mixing bowl and some ingredients.

"Really?" Kate bent down towards the child. "What kind?"

"Oatmeal!" Emma clapped her hands in excitement since those were her favorite kind.

Grinning at her daughter's excitement over something as simple as a batch of her favorite homemade cookies, Kate wished she could be that young again with nothing to worry about but naps and play dates.

With a promise that a batch of cookies would be waiting for her when she woke up Kate put Emma down for her afternoon nap. Walking over to her dresser she pulled out the engagement ring and slipped it on the proper finger. The three carat diamond sparkled brilliantly as it caught the light._ Phillip had definitely out done himself with the ring,_ she thought to herself. It was big and showy and designed to catch people's attention – just like Phillip. He liked the high life he had told her once. He worked hard for his money and liked to enjoy the perks and benefits that came with it.

Glancing over at a sleeping Emma she sighed slipping the ring off and putting it back in the drawer. She was going to have to tell her about the engagement and Phillip becoming her step father. Drawing her eyes up to the wall she looked at the picture of her and Jack above their daughter's bed and felt a pain in her stomach. She knew that Emma was still expecting to meet her father and as the scene outside the townhouse flashed in her mind again Kate knew she couldn't face him…not right now.

"I'm sorry, baby." She whispered as she brushed the little girl's bangs. "I just can't right now."

That evening passed quietly as Kate kept her engagement to herself. She was dreading Sawyer's reaction to the news. He had made no real effort to hide the fact that he didn't like Phillip, butting heads with him like he had done with Jack on the island. But with Jack it had been different. Sawyer had been jealous of the handsome doctor, not only because of Kate, but because of the way everyone had easily trusted and respected the guy enough to make him their leader. That jealousy had turned into a rivalry. Jack had been the kind of man that Sawyer, if given the chance, would have liked to be, even though he would never have admitted it. But with Phillip, Sawyer just didn't like the guy much.

"You're freakin' kidding, right?" Sawyer exclaimed when Kate finally announced her intention to marry Phillip to a stunned Sawyer and Claire a couple of nights later.

"Gee, thanks." Kate deadpanned. "What is that, Sawyer speak for congratulations?"

"No, that's Sawyer speak for are you out of your mind?" he countered.

Claire jumped up quickly and grabbed onto Sawyer's forearm. "I think what he's trying to say is this is kind of sudden. I mean, didn't you tell me that you weren't ready?"

"At the time, yeah, I wasn't." Kate admitted. "But things change. We've been seeing each other for awhile and Phillip is a great guy."

"Humpf." Sawyer replied, only to be shot a look by Claire.

"Look James," Kate said. "I get you're not a big fan of Phillips, but that's your problem. I'm getting married and I would hope that my friends would be happy for me."

"It's not that we won't be happy for you." Claire replied quickly. "It's just that we don't want to see you get hurt, that's all."

"Phillip loves me." Kate defended. "He's not going to hurt me."

Claire took a step closer to her friend, her expression soft and showing her concern. "You sure about this?" She asked locking gazes with the brunette.

"I'm sure." She insisted with a pasted smile on her face.

"Okay, then." Claire reached over and hugged Kate. "Congratulations."

Thanking her roommate for her support Kate pulled out of the embrace and looked over at Sawyer expectantly.

Sawyer shrugged his shoulders and gave her a half hearted hug. "I'm there for you, Freckles." He said in a low voice. Kate knew that meant that while he didn't like her decision he would stand by her as a friend should.

Begging to keep the engagement celebration low key Kate managed to get Phillip to agree to a dinner party with a couple of his friends and Claire and Sawyer. They had it at one of the nicer restaurants in Seattle, The Cove. The food was good and the champagne flowed and Kate had to admit that she enjoyed seeing Phillip enjoying playing the role of groom to be. He did seem to be happy that she had agreed to be his wife.

The next day Kate sat Emma down and told her that she would be marrying Phillip and that it would mean they would be a family.

As Sawyer walked into the house he heard Emma yelling "No Mommy! Don't wanna!" and he was suddenly greeted with the image of the little girl running towards him. Bending down he caught her in his arms.

"Woa there Lil' Freckles, slow down." He told the squirming child.

"Emma!" Kate came walking fast from the hallway.

"Tell her Saw-Saw not to marry Phillip!" The little girl asked tearfully. "I don't wanna move." She buried her face in his shoulder.

Not sure what the little girl meant Sawyer looked up at Kate while he gently patted the child's back.

"I was explaining how once Phillip and I get married we're going to be moving into his house." Kate explained before turning her attention to her daughter. "Emma, honey, it's not going to be that bad." She tried to reason.

"Yes it is! I hate Phillip!" Emma cried, her little fist clamped onto Sawyer's shirt.

The southerner tried to keep the urge to laugh to himself. _They're not kidding when they say kids are perceptive_, he thought to himself. Standing up he pulled Emma up with him. "Hey, there now Junior, you don't hate him." He said as he exchanged glances with a frazzled looking Kate.

"Do to." Emma insisted with a sniffle.

"Hummm…well you know, hate is probably not the right word to use." He said softly as he sat on the couch pulling the little girl securely onto his lap. "Now, it's okay if you don't like the guy right now."

"Sawyer, I don't think…" Kate started to interject, but was shushed by the wave of Sawyer's hand. Taking a couple of steps back Kate leaned against the door frame and let him continue though she wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"You don't like Phillip very much, do you?" Sawyer asked the little girl.

Emma sniffled and shook her head. "No."

"Well, that's okay." As he said this he dropped his head down a little and put his mouth near her ear. "I'll tell you a secret…I don't really like him very much either."

Emma looked at him in surprise. "You don't?"

Sawyer shook his head. "Nope, but that doesn't mean that I won't like him later on…when I get to know him better."

Emma's hazel eyes seem to darken and for a split moment reminded Sawyer of Jack. "He's gonna make us move to his house." She said with tears filling her eyes again. "I wanna stay here!"

Reaching up and patting her back Sawyer was lost on how to comfort the crying child; her tears coming from the idea that she would be losing the only home she had ever known.

Kate flew to the couch and bent down in front of her daughter. "Emma, baby, it's going to be okay," Her own eyes started to welt up. 'You'll see, we'll be here visiting all the time and Aaron will be able to come and play every chance he gets."

"But Aunt Claire won't be there to take care of me when you're gone…and…and…Aunt Louise won't make me cookies!" She pushed Kate's hand away not wanting her mother's comfort at that time.

"Well, now, Lil' Freckles, when you come over I bet Louise will have a batch of cookies just waiting for ya" Sawyer added trying to be helpful.

With a resounding and tearful "NO!" Emma jumped off Sawyer's lap and ran back down the hall to her room. Looking like she was about to break down in tears herself Kate sat back on the floor and kept her gaze at the how empty hallway that Emma had just round down.

"And here I thought she'd be in her teens before we had our first real fight." She commented sadly.

"She's got spirit, that's for sure." Sawyer chuckled.

It took Emma a couple of days to calm down and accept that her mother and Phillip were getting married. Kate had promised her that it wouldn't be until she felt better about everything. Phillip was not thrilled when Kate told him they would have to wait awhile before even thinking about setting a wedding date. He felt like he was being pushed around by the child and started to say so, but backed down when Kate became upset over the matter. And to try and help he suggested that perhaps Kate and Emma could start staying over a couple of times so that the little girl could get acclimated to what would eventually be her new home.

Kate was still thinking about her whole situation when she hung up the phone. She had finally called her father and gave him the news of her engagement. His reserved demeanor came though as he congratulated his daughter and asked about meeting his future son-in-law. Kate could tell he was being a father and trying to say all the things a father is suppose to say when their daughter announced she's getting married. He wanted to be happy for her…wanted whatever it was that would make her happy. And while Kate was grateful that he was giving her his support she could tell deep down he held reserves and that made Kate sad.

So far the only person who had been excited about the nuptials was Carrie. '_Hunky and rich…that's the kind of husband a girl wants.'_ had been one of her comments when Kate had called her earlier in the week with the news. Advising her friend that she looked horrible in both taffeta and chiffon Carrie agreed excitedly to be in the wedding party. More so when Kate informed her that Phillip had been talking about having the ceremony in Costa Rica which was one of the current travel hotspots. Kate had been grateful for her enthusiastic support especially when it seemed as if everyone else had reservations.

She was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of the front door closing and Claire walking in carrying a package. She had a big smile on her face.

"Kate, it came." She announced excitedly. "It came."

The brunette looked at her in confusion. "What came?"

"My mom's stuff that Aunt Lindsey said she was going to send me." Claire explained excitedly as she held up the box.

Kate's eyes widen. Louse had finally convinced Lindsey to send Claire some of her mother's personal papers and letters that Lindsey had held onto after her sister's death. "So, do you think there's anything in there about who your father is?" Kate stood up and followed the blonde into the dining room.

"There must be something," Claire concluded as she tore open the wrapping on the package. "Otherwise, why would Aunt Lindsey have been so opposed to sending it to me in the first place?"

"I still don't get why she doesn't want you to track him down."

Claire shrugged her shoulders and she opened the lid. "All I know is she never liked the guy." Looking inside she found several documents along with some small keepsakes. A couple of minutes later the two girls were seated at the dining table pulling stuff out of the box and examining them.

Claire had found several books that turned out to be journals that her mother had kept throughout her life starting at the age of 14. As Claire flipped though the entries and read them, Kate looked through some of the other items in the box.

"Oh my God, your mom saved a lock of your hair and your first tooth." Kate pulled out two small silver boxes labeled 'first curl' and 'first tooth' on top. "I have the same type of boxes for Emma" She continued looking as she pulled out a packet of photos. Flipping through them Kate saw they were from when Claire was both a baby and alter as she grew into a young girl. "You were such a cute little girl." Kate giggled as she looked at one of Claire with her two front teeth missing and hair in long braids holding a small dog.

Glancing over, Claire laughed too. "That was my dog, Petey. My mom got him for me when I got sick with the mumps."

Shifting through the rest of the pack Claire commented on the pictures telling Kate what they were and when they were taken.

As Claire returned her attention to the journals Kate pulled out what looked like bank statements and property deed documentation. Under those papers she found another small batch of pictures. In these were a young, pretty blonde-haired woman sitting up on a block fence, the skyline of Sydney a backdrop.

"Is this your mom?" Kate asked flashing the picture at Claire who nodded reaching out to take the picture.

The next picture was a shock to Kate. It was Claire's mother with a man with his arm around her shoulders. A man who's picture Kate had seen before.

"Oh my God," she exclaimed in almost a whisper.

Claire looked over at her friend. "What is it? Kate, what did you find?" She leaned over trying to get a look at the picture in Kate's hand. "That's a man with my mom." She said excitedly and pulled the photo from her friend's hand. "That's him! That's the man that was at the hospital that told me he was my dad!" She flipped the photo over hoping it was labeled but found it blank. "Doesn't say his name, damn it! Maybe she wrote it in her journal."

"I know his name." Kate said quickly.

Claire looked at her friend in surprise. "You mean you know this guy?"

Kate shook her head. "I never met him, but I know who he is." She turned and met Claire's questioning eyes with her own. "His name is Christian Shepard...he was Jack's dad."

It took a moment for Claire to register what Kate had just said, but when she did she was shocked to say the least. She looked back over at the brunette half expecting to see her break out in a smile proclaiming all this a joke. But Kate's face had as serious a look as Claire imagined she wore.

"Jack's dad? Are you sure?" Claire inquired.

Kate nodded her head as she stared at one of the photos in her hand of a smiling Carole Littleton and Christian Shepard, their arms wrapped warmly around each other. "I've seen his picture a few times. Jack's mom even showed my pictures of the family when Jack was growing up."

"But you never met him?" Claire continued to probe dreading the worse. "Why not? Were they divorced?"

Knowing how important find her father was to Claire Kate hated to be the one to tell her what she had to tell her, but knew no way around it. "He died, Claire." She said in a soft voice. "In Sydney, that's why Jack was on the plane. He was bringing his father's body back to L.A."

Claire felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her lungs. She slunk back into her chair sadly. The man who was likely her father was dead. She would never have a chance to get to know him nor he her. He would never know he had a grandson.

"I'm so sorry," Kate said gently touching her forearm. "I know how much you wanted this."

Claire nodded as she continued to look at the picture emotion laced thoughts swirling through her head. "You know, my mom and aunt told me that my dad had died when I was a little girl. The only thing I remember about him was how he use to sing this song 'Catch a Falling Star' when he would come see me." She let out a deep breath. "I use to sing that to Aaron when he was a baby."

"That's a nice memory."

But Claire shook her head. "When I found out he was alive and that he had this whole other family I didn't want anything to do with him. I didn't even want to know his name."

"So what changed your mind?" Kate asked softly.

The blonde shrugged her shoulders. "A lot of things. Seeing everything that happened with Aaron and Thomas…and Charlie. Then seeing you and your dad...how great you two are…"

Kate let out a funny laugh and shook her head. "We've had our rough patches."

"Maybe, but he's still there for you and your daughter. I mean, Emma knows her grandfather and I guess I wanted that for Aaron too. I wanted him to have a family…some roots."

Kate gently squeezed Claire's arm to get her to look up. She gave the blonde a warm smile. "Well, you know, technically you do have a big brother…Jack."

Claire's face soften at the realization that Kate was right. Jack Shepard was her brother…well, half brother actually. She brought her hand up to her mouth to cover a gasp. "Oh my God, you're right. That would make Jack my half brother." She felt her eyes well up at the thought of being related to the heroic doctor. Maybe this quest of hers would have a happy ending after all. "But how do I tell him? I mean, I don't have any real proof…I don't even know for sure." Claire babbled. "All I have is some pictures and a conversation nobody else witnessed."

"Jack knows you wouldn't make something like this up." Kate countered, trying to keep her friend from totaling freaking out. "Maybe your mom wrote about it in her journals."

Claire nodded and started flipping through the books again. But she found that her mother had referred to the man she was involved with by an initial "C" hardly concrete evidence.

"Maybe there's something in these papers." Kate offered and pulled the stack and started reading through them. She discovered that while the bank statements didn't show the originating source it did show a deposit made into Carole's account every month. The deed to the house appeared to indicate it was paid in full, but again the only name was Claire's mother. Still the girls concluded that these were signs that could mean financial support was being provided.

"Do you think the bank could tell me who it was making the deposits?" Claire asked hopeful.

"Probably not without some kind of court order." Kate surmised. They sat in silence for a moment before Kate looked over at Claire with a smile on her face.

"Maybe you should call Sayid and ask him for help."

"That's a great idea" Claire grinned feeling hopeful again. "He can probably track this information down." She jumped up from her chair and grabbed her address book. Within minutes she was on the phone to Sayid and explaining the situation. Promising to look into the matter confidentially, Sayid asked her to send him copies of what she had and he would see what he could find out. She hung up with the same feeling of excitement she had when she had received the box earlier that day.

Sawyer, meanwhile, spent a couple of days mulling over the idea of Kate's engagement. It kept gnawing at him that the whole situation didn't seem right. First off he wasn't convinced that Kate was in love with Phillip, no matter how much of a show she tried to put on. He had watched her at the dinner party the other night smiling and saying all the right things, but her eyes were the giveaway to Sawyer. They lacked the sparkle that the Southerner had become familiar with whenever Kate was happy or enjoying herself. He had even gone up to her at one point and asked her if she was sure about this, hoping to give her an out, but the pretty brunette had simply smiled and told him she was fine.

But the thing that had bugged him the most was seeing Emma and her less than enthusiastic response to the news. Her outburst at hearing about the wedding and the eventual move to Phillip's house had tugged at Sawyer's heart. He wasn't sure why it had bothered him so much, maybe because Emma looked so much like her mother and had claimed a place in his heart or maybe it was more the memory of another little girl growing up without her father. He knew he had to try and do something to make sure that didn't happen here. Two days later Sawyer found himself on a flight to Los Angeles.

**TBC**

_**Up next: Like you guys can't guess…Sawyer arrives in LA. **_


	40. Ch 40 What Do I Do With My Heart

_**A/N: Okay here's the next chapter. The story is really picking up now…finally!! No more transition chapters and such. I hope you guys are still hanging in there and enjoying this story. I apologize to those of you frustrated by the lack of Jate for so long, but that's how I had the story planned out and rushing or changing it would have messed up what I had planned. I can tell you that they do come face to face and it's real soon (like next chapter) So, I hope you won't abandon this story yet...And for those of you still reading please drop me a quick review and let me know – helps to know people are still reading and enjoying.**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song 'What Do I Do With My Heart sung by the Eagles on their latest album. It's a great song about lost love.**_

**CHAPTER 40 - What Do I Do With My Heart**

_**You don't have to say a word  
I can see it in your eyes  
I know what you wanna say  
It's so hard to say goodbye **_

I can hold back my tears  
And try to be strong  
While our love is fallin' apart  
I know what I'll say  
If you walk away  
But what do I do  
What do I do with my heart?

I'm not gonna say a word  
I know I can't change your mind  
You know where you need to go  
I know I'll be left behind

I won't hold you back  
I won't stand in your way  
If you need to make a new start  
But I still wanna know  
When my arms let you go  
What do I do  
What do I do with my heart?

Oh, girl, don't you remember?  
It was not so long ago  
We were makin' plans for two  
Just me and you  
Now you tell me that you've found somebody  
Someone who loves you better  
No one could ever love you  
The way I do

Tell me you're not leavin' now  
Tell me you're not leavin'  
Tell me that you're gonna stay  
Please say you'll stay with me, baby  
Tell me that you love me still  
Say you love me still  
For this and this alone I pray  
Fall down on my knees and pray

I'll do anything  
Yes, I would  
To save what we have  
To keep you by my side  
I'll love you 'til death do us part  
But what do I do  
What do I do  
When I'm still missing you?  
What do I do  
What do I do with my heart?

_Los Angeles _

Jack walked into his office and slipped off his white lab coat hanging it up behind the door. He had just finished a consult on a 45 year old man with a tumor near his spine. Though Jack had recommended surgery the man and his wife had opted to look at alternative treatments including experimental drugs. After his experience with Sarah, he advised the couple that he understood their choice and that if they changed their minds to let him and their doctor know.

As he pulled open a drawer and shuffled through the papers he found a framed picture of Kate that he used to keep on top of his desk. He had shoved it in the drawer a long time ago and have never taken it out.

Pulling it out and looking at it he had to smile. It was one of his favorites of her – taken at the beach – Kate in a white oversize sweater and a pair of denim shorts. She was perched on a rock, her hair a tumble of loose sexy curls and her green eyes sparkling as she smiled into the camera. It had taken a bit of persuasion on Jack's part for her to pose for the picture telling him she looked too sloppy for a picture. But to Jack she looked the most beautiful sitting there on the rock with the ocean breeze blowing lightly through her hair and the blue water in the background. Now as he stared at the picture he felt the familiar stab of pain in his heart. It still hurt thinking about not being with her, a longing to hold her in his arms, hear her laughter, feel her lips on his.

'Buzz'. His phone rang crashing into his thoughts. Shoving the picture back and closing the drawer he snatched up the phone.

"Dr. Shepard, that gentleman, Roger Carter, that called yesterday about an appointment is here." The surgical unit receptionist told him. "He says it's very important."

Jack sighed. "Did you tell him I'd see him next week?" he asked Eunice, feeling in no mood for an unplanned consult.

"I did, Dr. Shepard, but he insists that you'll want to talk to him." She trailed off as he heard a masculine voice in the background talking to her. The voice was too muffled for Jack to make out what was being said.

"He says it concerns a mutual friend." Eunice said sounding a little flustered. "Doesn't look like he's going to leave." She added in a whisper.

Jack let out another sigh. Might as well give the poor receptionist a break and see the guy. "Go ahead and have him come on back."

A moment later he heard a knock on the door and as Jack stood up to greet his visitor he was taken by surprise when the man walked in the door. "Sawyer?"

"Hey Doc, long time no see." The familiar voice greeted him.

"What the…" Jack's voice was full of confusion. "Eunice said your name was Roger…"

"Carter, yeah." Sawyer made the rest of the way into the office.

"Okay, so why not say it was you?" Jack asked still confused.

The southerner shrugged his shoulders. "Wasn't sure you'd see me if you knew who it was."

Jack shook his head with a chuckle as he put his hand out to exchange a handshake with Sawyer. "No reason not too." He replied noting that the two had parted on good terms at the time of the rescue. "So, what did you need to see me about?" Jack gestured to the chair in front of his desk for Sawyer to sit. "You're not sick are you?"

Sawyer chuckled as he took a seat. "Not last I checked."

Sinking into his chair Jack studied the blonde man for a moment. "So, do I really need to guess who our mutual friend is?"

His face serious Sawyer shook his head no.

"Is she okay?" Jack questioned with some concern.

"She ain't in any kind of trouble if that's what you're asking." Sawyer replied.

"Well, that's good to hear." Jack replied though now he was more confused as to Sawyer's visit. "Not to sound rude, Sawyer, but if she's not in trouble, why are you here?"

Sawyer took a deep breath and let it out slowly. While the idea of coming to Los Angeles to see Jack sounded good in his head now sitting here in front of the doctor he wasn't sure how to start.

"I know Kate's engaged." Jack announced softly breaking the silence.

Sawyer looked at him in surprise. "You do? How did you find out?"

"Does it matter?" the doctor replied. "It's true, isn't it?"

Sawyer nodded. "Yeah, it is."

"Okay, well, if that's what you came here to tell me…" Jack started to say.

"She's making a big mistake!" Sawyer said in a raised voice.

Stopping in mid-sentence Jack looked over at Sawyer for a moment before he shook his head. "Look, Sawyer, whatever feelings you may still have for Kate, they're none of my business."

"This ain't about Freckles and me." Sawyer replied quickly. "This is about you and her."

"Me and her?" Jack replied dumbfounded. "There is no me and her…that was pretty clear when she accepted another man's proposal!"

"She wouldn't have done that if you and she were still together." Sawyer said accusingly.

"Oh really? And who's fault is that?" Jack shot back.

"Yours!" Sawyer replied just as hotly.

Jack stayed quiet for a moment. Did he hear right? Was Sawyer sitting there trying to blame him for Kate's engagement? "What the hell is that suppose to mean?" he demanded.

"Hey, you're the one that decided to break things off via the U.S. Postal Service." Sawyer told him. "Couldn't even tell her in person?"

Now Jack was back to being confused. "Break off? What are you talking about?" his voice had lowered some, but the anger was still there.

Sawyer realized he probably had said too much. He hadn't planned on saying anything about the break up, but now that he had he figured he might as well finish what he started, especially if it got Jack to Seattle.

"Sawyer," Jack spoke up again. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the letter you sent her telling her it was over." Sawyer explained noting the look of confusion and shock that spread over the other man's face. "What, it meant so little to you that you don't remember?" he taunted.

Jack shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about. I never sent Kate a letter telling her we were over."

"Yes you did." Sawyer insisted.

"Sawyer I didn't!" Jack replied loudly. "I never had the intention of breaking things off with her."

"Well, that's what Claire told me."

"Claire? You talked to Claire?" Jack asked surprised.

A slight blush came over the southerner's face. "Actually, I'm living with her…and Kate in Seattle." He confessed.

Realization came over Jack's face. "Now I get it." He said. "You want to break up Kate's engagement for your own agenda."

"It ain't like that, Doc" Sawyer told him.

"Right," Jack smirked. "You never got over Kate and now she's marrying another guy and you…"

"Are involved with Claire." Sawyer interjected trying to get Jack back on his side…or at least listening to him again.

Jack looked over at Sawyer with shock registering on his face again. It was clear he hadn't expected that. "You and…Claire?"

Nodding, Sawyer let a cocky grin escape. "Yeah, it was a shock to me too. But I've been seeing her for awhile and it's going good."

"Well, that's something." Jack replied, not sure what to say.

"So you see this isn't about me," Sawyer pointed out.

"Then why are you doing this?" Jack asked. "What's in it for you?"

Sawyer let out a small chuckle at the question. He wasn't insulted that Jack would wonder that. James Ford was usually out for himself. In a way he was trying to get something for himself…the satisfaction of helping a woman out who had proven to be one of his first honest friends he had made as an adult. And the fact that he might help a little girl get to grow up with daddy would be a bonus; maybe a way to make up in some small way for his past selfishness.

"Damn, Jackass, you are stubborn, aren't you?" he finally said with a shake of his head. "As stubborn as she is." He mumbled.

"Gee, thanks."

Smirking for a moment Sawyer face then grew serious. "You and Kate have some unfinished business. She had some…stuff that she needs to tell you."

"Really? Like what?" Jack wanted to know.

"Ain't my stuff to tell, but you need to hear it…and in person." The southerner told him.

Jack shook his head. "So, you're telling me that I need to go to Seattle?" he said somewhat surprised.

Sawyer nodded feeling that Jack was at least open to the idea. Now to 'seal the deal'. "She won't come here and if you call her she can avoid the subject." Sawyer explained. "You two are good at that."

"Hey!" Jack interrupted somewhat insulted.

"Only calling it like I see it. I mean, how long did it take you to even tell her how you felt about her on the island?"

"I told her." Jack defended himself. "I just had to wait for a time you weren't hanging around." He added with a smile.

Sawyer chuckled. "Fair enough."

Jack's face grew serious again as he leaned over his desk towards the blonde man. "What aren't you telling me, Sawyer?"

"I can't Jack. I'm sorry." Sawyer replied resisting saying the four words _'you have a daughter' _that would surely get him on the next plane out. He knew that Kate would never forgive him for telling Jack. She had to be the one to tell him.

"This is ridiculous!" Jack banged his desk exasperated. "You come here and tell me Kate's making a mistake with this engagement and that I need to go see her in Seattle to talk to her about something…something that seems important from what you're inferring, but you can't tell me what it is."

Sawyer nodded and leaned forward in his chair as well. "Look, Doc, I know you and I had our ups and downs on the island…didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things, but you also k now that when it comes to Freckles I'd do what I could to keep her from getting hurt…just like you," He pushed himself off up from the chair. "If you don't trust me than trust that and go to Seattle."

Nodding at his words Jack stood up and much to Sawyer's surprise stuck his hand out towards the blonde man for the second time that day. "Okay, I'll think about it."

Satisfied he did all he could Sawyer shook Jack's hand. "Fair enough." He started towards the door then turned back abruptly. "Oh…and not a word of my coming here to Kate. She'd kick my ass all the way back to Tennessee.'

Jack smirked at the visual of a fired up Kate letting Sawyer have it. "I'd pay money to see that."

"And enjoy every moment of it, I'm sure." Sawyer chuckled as he walked out the door.

Jack was still deep in thought several minutes later when his cell phone rang – caller ID showed it was Judy.

"Hi Jack, how's your day going?" she greeted cheerfully.

"Busy as usual." Jack replied as he flipped open one of the files on his desk that he had planned on reviewing before Sawyer's arrival. "What's up?"

"Actually I was calling to see if you were free tonight. I thought I'd buy you dinner." She told him.

"Really? What's the occasion?" He asked while he scanned through some paperwork.

"No occasion really. I just heard about this great new restaurant and wanted to give it a try." Judy explained, trying to keep her voice light to mask her nervousness over making the offer.

"I'm going to have to pass." Jack told her. "I'm due at my mom's for dinner tonight."

"Oh, okay." Judy replied disappointed.

"Thanks for the invitation, though" He continued. "Maybe we can have lunch soon."

Judy felt another wave of disappointment at his suggestion of lunch as opposed to dinner. But she was determined not to give herself away. "Sure, that sounds good. But it's going to have to wait three weeks. I'm due to fly out to Atlanta for a project tomorrow morning."

"Atlanta really? Well, have a good time. I guess I'll talk to you when you get back then?" Jack replied somewhat distracted by the paperwork in front of him.

"Yeah, sure, I'll give you a call." Judy told him.

Hanging up the phone Jack returned his attention to the patient's file in front of him, but his conversation with Sawyer kept running through his head, particularly the cryptic comments about the letter he had insisted Jack had written to Kate. It made no sense to Jack as to why Sawyer would insist he had sent a letter when one was never written…

"Son of a bitch!" Jack exclaimed out loud as an idea struck him.

Reaching for his desk phone he quickly dialed Marc's cell phone number.

"Hey buddy, what's up?" Marc's friendly voice came through the receiver.

"Listen I need to talk to you about something. Are you at home?"

"Yeah, just got here." Marc said slowly trying to figure out what was going on. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"Not over the phone. I'll meet you there in a little while." Jack replied and hung up with no further explanation. He made a couple more calls before grabbing his briefcase and driving home.

When he arrived he found Marc in the kitchen cutting up what looked like ingredients for his homemade chili.

"Hey Jack, what's up?" The shorter man greeted.

Sliding into the barstool at the breakfast counter Jack leaned his tall frame across the counter. "You remember that time we went out with Tony and he had me write that letter to Kate?"

Marc cocked his head to one side. "Vaguely. Why?"

"Do you remember what happened to the letter after?"

Marc shrugged his shoulders. "You threw it out…" he noticed the look on Jack's face. "Didn't you?"

"No," Jack revealed. "I thought about it when I left in the morning, but I didn't see it on the table. I must have figured you threw it out and forgot about it."

"I didn't throw it out." Marc said.

Jack nodded with a frown. "That's what I figured. That son of a bitch, Tony, mailed it and now Kate's getting married!"

"What? What are you talking about, Jack?"

"Somehow Kate got the letter and thought I wanted to walk away from her." Jack explained. "And the only other person who could have mailed that letter was Tony!"

"Wait," Marc put his hand up. "How do you know Kate got the letter in the first place?"

Jack filled Marc in on his visit from Sawyer and all that the southerner had told him.

"You're kidding me?" Marc exclaimed when Jack was done. "So, Kate think you sent her a 'Dear Jane' letter when all it was, was a stupid drunken act?"

"Ah huh, and now she thinks I'm an ass who would break up with her by mail and she's marrying some guy that Sawyer thinks is all wrong for her." Jack told his friend still upset at the idea.

"Hang on a sec," Marc reached for his cell phone and punched a couple of buttons. Seconds later he was connected to Tony who, after a brief reminder session, admitted to mailing the letter. He quickly explained to an angry Marc that he did it only to try and help Jack. Cursing him Marc hung up the phone and turned his attention back to his best friend.

"So, what are you going to do now?" he asked. "I mean, are you going to Seattle the way Sawyer suggested?"

Jack sat at the counter looking down at his cell phone that he had pulled out of his pocket. A minute later he flipped it open and dialed directory assistance. "I need the number for Oceanic Airlines."

Marc broke into a smile. _'That's more like it'_ he thought to himself.

Fifteen minutes later Jack was booked on a morning flight to Seattle. Noting his anxiousness Marc suggested to his friend that he should wait until morning to fly out because, as he wisely pointed out, it probably wouldn't be smart to show up on her doorstep late at night.

So with his flight reserved and his bags packed Jack cancelled dinner with his mother and stayed home with Marc silently contemplating what would happen the next day.

**TBC**

Up next: Jack lands in Seattle and gets the shock of his life. Reaction? Fallout?


	41. Ch 41 How Many Lies

_**A/N: Okay, here it is. The "reunion" you guys have been waiting for. I wrote this chapter a couple of times trying to get a feeling for it. Still not sure I got it right but I hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think. Good, bad, even "This is what I was waiting for??" Understand as I've said before this is a fairly long story that I had planned out so it won't be ending in the next two or three or ten chapters. (At least not unless you guys all hate it and stop reading!)**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song "How Many Lies" by Spandau Ballet. **_

**CHAPTER 41 - How Many Lies**

_**Once there were times,  
Once there were reasons filled with rhymes,  
Everything shared, everything told  
You keep me so warm,  
Protect me from all those mighty storms  
And dreams seem so old  
So look at us now, just look at us now,  
With our hands on our hearts  
And lines on our brow  
How many lies must we tell?  
How many lies must we see?  
How many times must we say, it's for the best?  
And leave truth as the casualty?  
Do you read through the lines,  
Or believe the TV and the Times?  
Where can we find more ways to see?  
You strain on the truth,  
And make believe all when you cry wolf,  
And the lies you're giving me  
So look at us now, just look at us now,  
With our hands on our hearts  
And lines on our brow  
How many lies must we tell?  
How many lies must we see?  
How many times must we say, it's for the best?  
And leave truth as the casualty?  
Oh, well the truth is hard,  
So when they write the book,  
Fiction's what you wanna be  
Well, it's your freedom of choice,  
But you know that lies, are the cancer of democracy  
You've painted your face,  
And now you've tainted your words  
And now you're ready and armed with love  
Well if you're head is steady,  
And your soul is ready,  
We're going up above  
So whatever you wanna be,  
Just come on along with me,  
If there's truth in our hearts,  
Maybe we can break free  
**___

Seattle, WA 

The light from the late morning sun shone through the window as Kate finished wiping down the kitchen counter. She had the house to herself and wasn't quite sure what to do. Her hours had been cut at work so she had the next two days off. Claire had convinced her to enroll Emma in pre-school three days a week and this was the first week. Despite a little separation anxiety Emma seemed to be enjoying school and the chance to be around other children besides Aaron.

Glancing up at the clock she realized it would be another couple of hours before the kids would be home. Claire offered to pick them up after her shift at the hospital.

Settling into the recliner chair the brunette decided to do some reading and was engrossed in a mystery novel when her cell phone rang. Checking the caller ID she saw that it was Phillip.

"Hi Good Looking," he greeted cheerfully.

"Hi yourself." Kate smiled at his compliment. "How's Boston?" Phillip had had to make an unexpected trip to the East Coast when problems started up in his recently opened trucking company.

"Better now that I have a handle on this trucking mess." He replied.

"Glad to hear that. How's the weather?" Kate asked pulling her legs up on the recliner.

"Good, good. Hey, listen, babe, I wanted to tell you that I ran into an old friend of mine who got married about a year ago. She was telling me the wedding planner she used was fantastic. I got her number and I thought you could give her a call."

Kate suddenly felt a wave of panic go through her. "Don't you think it's a little early to be calling a wedding planner? I mean, we haven't even set a date yet." She pointed out.

"We can certainly do that, right now if you want. The sooner the better, I say." Phillip replied with a little laugh.

"And I thought you agreed we were going to take some time with all of this." Kate reminded him angrily.

Phillip was taken aback by Kate's unexpected harsh tone. He couldn't understand why she was dragging her heels on making any wedding plans. Other women would already be lining up caterers and appointments for wedding dress fittings.

"Look Kate, what's the big deal?" he asked trying from sounding confrontational. "I mean just call her up and talk to her. Maybe get some tentative ideas."

"The _big deal_, Phillip, is that she's going to be expecting us to have a date and it's going to end up being a waste of her time." Kate explained.

Phillip sighed softly. "Alright, we can talk about this more when I get home in a few days." He said giving up for the time being.

"I thought you were coming home tomorrow."

"I'm going to need to stick around. I fired the idiot of a manager that I had here so I'm going to need to find a replacement for him."

"Oh, okay, well, then, I guess I'll see you when you get back." She told him.

"Sounds like a plan. Well, I better get going here."

"Okay."

"Love you, I'll call you later." He told her.

"Okay, Bye."

Kate ended the call and flipped her phone closed. She was still frustrated about the wedding planner suggestion. This was Phillip's way of trying to pin her down on a date and Kate wasn't happy at his subtle attempt at manipulation. She thought that Phillip understood she didn't want to rush getting married. They had talked about it and he had been sweet at the time saying he was a patient man. That they would take their time, she was worth it. Now it felt like he was putting a little pressure on her and for Kate that made her feel like pushing back; hence her refusal to call the planner.

Letting out a sigh she returned to her book and enjoyed another hour of uninterrupted reading until the house phone rang. It was Claire. She briefly told Kate that she was going to run a couple of errands after she picked up the kids so they would be home a little late.

Deciding to run an errand herself and get Emma some new shoes Kate left the house for about an hour. Returning home Kate's thoughts were on the new storybook about rabbits that she had bought. Emma loved bedtime stories and any thing with rabbits was even better. As she grabbed her bags and went into the house she didn't see the car that had parked at the curb.

Jack pulled up to a single story ranch style home and saw Kate walking up to the door. He felt his breath hitch as he watched the familiar head of curls he had memorized long ago. He continued to watch as she entered the house and closed the door behind her.

Taking a deep and nervous breath Jack ran a hand over his short cropped hair trying to get his nerve together to go up to the front door and ring the bell. He had already had what felt like a long day due to the lengthy plane delay and a misplaced reservation at the car rental counter. The anxiousness he had been feeling all day was now being replaced by self doubt. _Should he have come?_ He asked himself as he sat there watching the house. _What if she slammed the door in his face?_

Kate came out of her bedroom humming to herself. She had heard a commercial announcing the circus was coming to town and she was thinking about getting tickets and taking Emma. It would be her first time and Kate could just imagine seeing her face light up with excitement at the clowns, elephants, tigers, trapeze artists…_'Maybe Claire and Aaron will want to come' s_he thought to herself. _'It could be fun'._

She was still making plans when the doorbell ran a couple of minutes later. Cheerfully she walked to the front door and opened it. Her smile morphed into a look of shock as she stared at the person standing in front of her.

"Jack!" She exclaimed startled.

"Hi Kate." He replied in a low voice as he took in her image, his heart skipping a beat.

Kate blinked her eyes a couple of times almost as if trying to assure herself that this was real…that Jack Shepard was actually standing in front of her.

"Can I come in?" The handsome doctor finally asked.

Mutely she nodded and stepped to the side to let him come in. He walked slowly into the foyer and then into the living room at Kate's silent direction. Nervously he turned and gave her a small smile not really sure how to start the conversation. "How are you?"

Wrapping her arms around her body as in almost putting up an invisible shield, Kate looked at Jack in confusion and anger. Him here was the last thing she expected.

"What are you doing here, Jack?" she demanded keeping herself a safe distance from him.

"I thought we needed to talk." Jack replied inwardly cringing as soon as he spoke realizing how lame that sounded. "What I mean…"

"Now you think we need to talk?" Kate snapped. "We don't have anything to talk about." She said knowing full well that Jack was right – they did need to talk.

"You don't think we need to talk about us?" He asked crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"There is no us, Jack." The brunette told him.

"Obviously, judging from that ring on your finger!" Jack shot back glancing at her left hand.

Kate instinctively pulled her hand back and tucked it under the opposite arm. She had forgotten about the ring in the wake of Jack's arrival. But she wasn't about to stand there and let him blame her. "Yeah, well, your letter made sure of that!" She raised her voice as well. "You made it clear so I don't even know what…"

"I didn't send that letter, Kate!" Jack blurted out, his voice matching hers in tone and volume.

"Yes, you did, Jack!" She yelled feeling her emotions building up inside. "Don't you dare stand there and try to deny it." She put her hands on her hips and squared off in a defensive stance.

"Kate…"

She shook her head angrily. "No! You sent me a letter…a God damn letter Jack, telling me we were over! What? You didn't have the guts to tell me to my face? Or at least over the phone? You had to do it in a letter?" She yelled, glad to finally be able to confront him about the way their relationship ended.

Jack looked at the young woman in front of him, hands on hips, tears brimming her eyes and her face full of anger. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Kate, I swear to you, I didn't send you that letter."

As she started to protest he put his hands up quickly. "Let me explain, please." He said in a softer tone.

His brown eyes almost pleading, the brunette couldn't resist. She crossed her arms in front of her and nodded.

"I was out with Marc and his friend from the stationhouse, Tony…I don't know if you remember meeting him or not…"He paused and saw her shrug her shoulders, but not say anything. "Anyway, we went to a couple of bars and had too much to drink."

"What does this have to do with the letter, Jack?" Kate asked impatiently.

"I'm getting to that." He replied. "We went back to the house and I guess I had been missing you more than usual…" he swallowed hard. "…and I was feeling sorry for myself…for the situation I was in. And Tony came up with this idea of writing a letter. It was suppose to be a way of letting go of the feelings I was having…a catharsis of sorts."

Kate nodded but didn't say anything. She was still processing.

Jack continued. "I guess in my drunken stupor it sounded like a good idea."

"Oh really?" Kate's green eyes narrowed. "You thought it sounded like a good idea to write a Dear Jane letter?"

Jack shook his head vehemently. "That's not what it was!"

"Then what was it suppose to be? Because I know what it sounded like."

"To be honest, Kate, I can't even remember what was in it." He confessed sheepishly.

That wasn't what Kate wanted to hear. "Oh really? Well, I guess that means it meant very little to you." She challenged. "We went very little to you."

"Do you really think if that was true I would have flown out here?" He shot back. He took a step towards her but stopped when he noticed her tighten her arms across his chest. "Look, Kate, all that letter was suppose to do was get me to realize these pent up feeling of frustration I was having at the time. Feelings of being trapped in my marriage to Sarah…feeling helpless as a doctor to do anything to really help her…feeling like I always end up trying to please other people and not myself…Wanting to be with you and not being able to." He rattled on then looked at her with a tight smile. "I guess that didn't come across very well, huh?"

Relaxing her stance a little Kate shook her head. "No, not really."

"Well, I was pretty drunk." He joked and was relived when Kate gave him a small smile. "Believe me, Kate, that letter was never meant for you to read."

Despite the sincerity in his brown eyes Kate still wasn't convinced. She still felt confused. "Then why did you mail it?" She asked, her own eyes showing the hurt she still felt over receiving that letter.

"That's just it, Kate." He took a couple of steps in her direction again and was relieved when she didn't retreat. "I didn't mail it! Tony got up the next day and mailed it without telling me." He explained quickly. "The guy seemed to think he was doing me a favor." He added with a frown.

"How was that a favor?" Kate asked, her brown furrowed. "Unless you were looking for a way to walk away from me."

"No!" He answered quickly. "I wasn't."

"Because you had to know, Jack, I would never hold you to something you didn't want to do." She said, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Jack reached over and took her hand in his. "No, Kate, you got it wrong. I didn't intend to walk away from anything. And if I had, you have to know that I would never have done it in a letter. I have too much respect for you to do that."

Kate suddenly felt herself in a world of confusion as she looked at the handsome man in front of her. Jack…her Jack, standing there telling her the letter wasn't real. The letter that had helped her form decisions no longer held any merit. He hadn't meant to break things off…

"Kate, say something, please." He begged still holding her hand, caressing it softly.

"So, the letter wasn't real?" She asked in a soft voice.

"No." He confirmed.

"And there's…no one…else?" She asked, pulling her hand away from him as a well worn memory flashed through her mind as it had a million times before.

Jack shook his head at her question. "No, why would you ask…"

"I saw you!" She interrupted stepping away from him. "I saw you with her!"

Now it was Jack's turn to feel confused. "What? Who are you talking about?"

Taking a deep breath Kate wiped off the lone tear that managed to escape. "I went to see you...a few says after the funeral…and I saw you outside the condo…early in the morning…you were standing there with a blonde…and you kissed her goodbye." She told him, her tone angry and accusatory.

Looking away for a moment Jack was shocked. Kate had com to L.A. the morning after he and Judy…"Look, Kate, that wasn't…I mean…I…" he let out a sigh. Why was he getting so nervous? It's not like he had cheated on her. Kate was making wedding plans the night he spent with Judy. Still he couldn't help but feel guilt especially when he saw the hurt in Kate's eyes when she told him what she had witnessed.

"Are you in love with her?" Kate asked softly as every fear she had secretly harbored seemed to be coming true. Jack was with someone else and he didn't know how to tell her.

Jack looked back up at her in surprise. "No!" He told her firmly. "It's not anything at all like that. Judy was Sarah's best friend. She was there the whole time Sarah was sick helping out. She took Sarah's death pretty hard. I mean, they had known each other since they were kids." Jack explained while Kate stood there and let him talk without interruptions.

"She came by to help me pack up the condo since I was moving back to the house. I don't know I guess we were both feeling vulnerable…the last couple of months of Sarah's life had been hard and I had just found out you were getting married…and it happened." He shrugged his shoulders. "It wasn't planned or anything. We were just two emotionally wrecked people reaching out to each other as clique as that sounds."

"Just one night of comfort sex?" Kate surmised.

The doctor nodded. "Yeah, that's all it was."

Kate nodded slowly, still hurt by the idea of him seeking comfort from someone else, but feeling it wasn't her right to judge. Suddenly she remembered something he had just said. "Wait a minute, you said you found out I was getting married? How?" she questioned.

"Charlie told me the day of the funeral." He told her. "Why?"

Kate shook her head. That didn't make sense. "Charlie? That's impossible, Jack."

"No, Kate, it's not." He replied frustrated, not seeing why it mattered how he found out.

"Jack, I haven't spoken to Charlie in ages. I didn't tell him I was getting married." She insisted.

"Well, then, maybe Claire told him…or Hurley, I don't know." Jack suggested. "I just know he told me after the funeral that you were engaged." He noticed the look on her face. "What?"

"I didn't get engaged until after the funeral." She told him. "Charlie was wrong."

At that moment both were struck with the same idea though neither knew it. Each of their actions had been triggered by a piece of false information or action by a third party. The letter Jack never meant to send, the news of the engagement that wasn't and the love affair that was one night of comfort sex and the marriage proposal acceptance that followed.

Kate looked up at the handsome man in front of her wanting nothing more than to rush into his arms and tell him how much she had missed him all this time. He looked back at her, his familiar brown eyes trying to reach out and tell her he missed her too.

Before she could say anything the front door opened and the sound of small feet could be heard.

"Hi Mommy!" The appearance of the little dark haired girl was so sudden that neither adult reacted at first. For her part Emma had raced in and wrapped her mother's legs in a hug before realizing there was someone else in the room.

Jack looked down at the little girl whose face struck him before looking back up at Kate. "Mommy?" he gasped in surprise.

"Kate, there's a car parked out front…" Claire stopped in her tracks as she spotted Jack. "Jack, hi." She said slowly, her hand reaching out and grabbing Aaron and pulling him to her side.

The dark haired man glanced over at her briefly, his expression serious. "Claire."

"I didn't…ahum…didn't know you were coming." She stammered a bit nervous since this was the first time she had seen the doctor since learning he was in all likely hood her half brother.

"Nobody did." Kate replied softly as she tried to keep her emotions in check. The moment was here and she had no idea how it was going to play out. She felt a small tap on her leg and bent down to Emma.

"Is that my daddy?" the little girl whispered in Kate's ear, her eyes wide in wonderment.

Kate nodded but said nothing more to her daughter. She looked up over at Claire, here eyes asking for help.

"Emma, honey, come with me." Claire instructed holding her hand out. "You and Aaron can help me start dinner."

Emma shook her head. Her father was finally here and she did not want to miss out. "Stay here." She said stubbornly.

"Doodle Bug, please go with Aunt Claire." Kate told her softly as she rubbed her stomach. "I need to talk to him alone."

Claire walked over and quickly picked up Emma and then just as quickly ushered Aaron out of the room and into the kitchen. Jack, meanwhile, had just watched the scene in silence.

Kate straightened herself up and looked over at Jack trying to see if she could tell what he was feeling.

"You have a daughter?" he asked slowly trying to keep his face neutral.

Kate nodded. "_We_ have a daughter." She replied, her voice almost a whisper. Her heart was racing a mile a minute as the words came out and almost hung in the air. This was the moment she had thought about since the day she had found out she was pregnant.

"We?" he gasped, his head not sure he heard her correctly, but his heart already guessing the answer.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly she locked eyes with him. "You're her father, Jack."

Immediately Jack's face registered the shock at hearing what he suspected only a few moments before when the little girl had run into the room. Taking a couple of steps back he sat down on the arm of the nearby chair. Bracing his weight with his palm against the top of the chair Jack took a couple of breaths. So many thoughts were running through his head that he felt himself becoming almost dizzy. He was a father. He had a daughter…a little girl that had looked at him with eyes that seemed to be a perfect blend of emerald and chocolate.

"Jack?" he was brought out of his thoughts by her voice so tentative and unsure…almost frightened.

Looking up at her Jack saw how nervous and even scared she was in anticipation of his reaction. At that moment he honestly could say that he didn't care. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to, Jack…" She started to say.

"But obviously you didn't, Kate." He shot back angrily.

Shaking her head in agreement Kate looked down at the floor for a moment, tears starting to pool in her eyes.

"Why Kate? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" he asked again, this time standing up from the chair.

"Everything was going on with Sarah…her illness…she needed you." The young woman tried to reason.

"That's bull, Kate. You didn't think you needed me?" he asked, the hurt clear in his voice.

Wiping her cheek she shook her head again. "Not as bad as Sarah. I didn't have cancer, I was just pregnant."

Jack cringed at her description of _'just pregnant'_. She made it seem like it wasn't a big deal. "You were just pregnant with my child." He stated.

"I know…"

"Then why didn't you tell me!" He yelled looking directly at her – this woman he loved and yet couldn't believe would ever do something like this. Keep something of this magnitude from him, not after all they had been through.

"I told you, you were married to Sarah, she was going through treatments and I honestly thought it wouldn't be that long." She let out a small sob thinking how morbid that just sounded.

"When did you find out?" He demanded.

"After you got married. I…I hadn't been feeling well." She took a breath. "I thought at first it was the flu."

The last part didn't really seem to register with him. "Tell me, Kate, those times we were together, did you already know you were pregnant?"

Pressing her lips together Kate was crestfallen at the question. She knew her answer would do nothing but hurt him even more. To know that they had been together in such intimate moments all the while she was keeping a secret. "Yes." She cast her glance to the floor briefly. "But Jack…"

"And you didn't think to tell me?!" he questioned angrily, the mixture of hurt and anger evident in his voice. "We were together…we even talked about the future and you didn't stop to think to tell me you were pregnant?"

"I wanted to…"She choked out.

"Bullshit!" He stepped back. "You lied to me!"

"No, Jack…" Kate pleaded as she brushed away another tear. "It's not like that."

"Then what's it like, huh? Make me understand, Kate, why you would keep something like this from me?" Jack demanded as he stood in front of her, his form almost towering over her. "Is it because you never wanted me to know? You figured you and this guy you're with would raise the baby together?"

"Hey!" A voice boomed from the side of them catching both by surprise. Turning they saw it was Sawyer who walked into the room and shot a look at a pissed off Jack. "You need to dial it back a bit, Doc." He suggested as he glanced over at a teary eyed Kate.

"Stay out of this Sawyer!" Jack growled.

"Not if you're going to go all Ike Turner on her." The southerner replied protectively touching her elbow. "You okay, Freckles?"

"It's fine, Sawyer, really." Kate assured him taking a deep breath, glad for the brief interruption.

"Didn't look fine when I walked in." he commented looking back at Jack.

"No offense, Sawyer, but this really doesn't involve you." Jack told him resenting the idea that Sawyer was trying to play the role of Kate's protector. Wasn't it his idea to get Jack up here to find out the truth to begin with?

"Look, Doc, I know that you're upset…"

"You don't know the half of it." Jack shot back angrily.

"All I'm saying is calm down and let her explain." Sawyer suggested stubbornly.

"Explain why she lied to me all this time?" Jack yelled back. "Why you knew I had a daughter before I ever did?!"

"Stop it!" Kate yelled as she pulled her elbow out of Sawyer's grasp, catching both men's attention and stopping their argument. Turning slightly towards the blonde man she gave him a small smile. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this is between me and Jack." With that she turned back to the doctor and surprising him she took his hand and led him into the den.

As she turned to close the door Jack's attention was caught by a framed photo on the bookcase. It was a picture of Sam, bent over slightly, holding an infant Emma up on her feet, the expression on her face was pure delight. Picking it up, he wistfully looked at the photo.

"I'm sorry." Kate said from behind him.

Not turning around Jack let out a sigh. 'Sorry' was getting to be a word he was tired of hearing. "Then why did you do it?"

Closing her eyes she let out a small sniffle. "It wasn't supposed to be this way. I thought…I thought that Sarah was going to be gone before Emma was born, as harsh as that sounds."

"Okay, ignoring the fact that you should have told me the day you found out, when you realized that wasn't going to happen, that Sarah wasn't as sick as we initially thought why didn't you say something then?" he questioned replacing the photo on the bookshelf and turning back to her. "Even the day she was born, Kate, you still didn't say anything!"

She nodded and quickly wiped away a tear. "I was…I must have picked up the phone a dozen times while I was in the hospital."

"What stopped you?"

"Sarah still needed you. Hurley had told me a couple of days later that she was in the hospital with pneumonia." Kate explained hoping that maybe since he wasn't yelling he might be trying to understand.

"Hurley knows about her?" Jack remarked taken by surprise at the mention of the big guy.

"He's her godfather." Kate whispered feeling even more guilt.

Jack let out a loud sigh and ran his hand over his head. _Hurley was her godfather?_ That meant there had been a christening…an event he missed. "Who else knows, Kate?" he demanded. "Humm…who else knows that I have a daughter?"

Kate swallowed hard. "Just Sun and Jin…and Charlie." She admitted with a choke.

Jack threw up his hands in exasperation. "So, most of our friends knew about the baby?!" he said loudly. "And you had them all lie for you?"

Sniffling back a tear Kate wasn't sure what to say. Suddenly she felt herself back to that day on the island when Jack had discovered that she had lied about finding the key to the marshal's briefcase. That hurt look on his face then closely matched the one he wore now.

"Jack, please…" She took a step towards him, not sure what she was going to say to make things better.

The dark haired man quickly put up his hands. "Don't." He said softly while doing everything he could to keep from breaking down in angry tears. Turning he started to walked to the door. "I need to get out of here. I need some air."

"Jack, wait!" Kate cried out as she watched him open the door to the den and walk briskly out. She followed after him and saw that Claire and Sawyer were both in the dining room witnessing his hasty exit.

"Jack!" Kate cried out as the front door slammed shut. In tears she looked over at her friends.

Turning to Sawyer Claire gave him a quick shove. "Go after him." She told the southerner.

"What?" he replied taken by surprise. "Are you serious?"

Moving over to comfort a crying Kate, Claire glared at him. "Go!" She ordered.

Grunting Sawyer grabbed his keys from the entry way table and made it outside in time to see Jack's car pull away. "Son of a bitch!" he spat out as he hustled over to his truck and started down the same direction as Jack.

Meanwhile, inside Claire was trying her best to reassure Kate that despite Jack's angry exit all hope wasn't lost. "It's going to work out, you'll see." Claire said as Kate cried on her shoulder.

"I screwed everything up." Kate sobbed. "This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to run out."

Claire felt herself take in a quick breath. Despite the fact that she hated to see her friend so upset the young woman decided perhaps it was time for a little tough love.

"Really, Kate, can you blame him for getting upset? I mean, he just found out that he's a dad and that you've been keeping that secret from him for 3 years!"

Kate pulled out of her embrace looking a little wounded. "I know, but…"

Claire shook her head. "From his point of view you really don't have a good enough reason to justify what you did." The blonde pointed out. "You were supposedly in love with him and then you go and lie about the biggest thing you could lie about. It's gotta hurt him."

"I know what I did was wrong, but I didn't expect him to run out…not on his daughter." Kate sniffled.

"I'm sure he didn't." Claire surmised. "He just got him with a lot today. He probably is feeling overwhelmed and needs to clear his head." She handed Kate a tissue. "You know Jack doesn't run away from things."

Nodding Kate wiped her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. Claire was right, _Jack doesn't run away,,.I do._

"Mommy?"

Both women turned to find Emma standing at the doorway, her arms clutching her stuffed bunny. Taking one more deep breath Kate put a small smile on her face. "Hey Doodle Bug," She greeted.

The little girl looked around the room with a curious expression on her face. "Where is he? Where's my daddy?" she asked innocently.

Kate's face fell at hearing her questions. She went over and kneeled down in front of the toddler. "Ah…baby, he's not here. He had to go…"

"Go where?" Emma asked trying to understand how he could be here one minute and gone the next.

"He had to go do something." Kate said quickly, not sure what to say.

"He went away?" the little girl asked sadly.

Kate glanced up at Claire before returning her attention to her daughter. "Yeah, Doodle Bug, but…"

"He didn't want me!" Emma's eyes started to fill up with tears at the idea that the father that she so wanted didn't want her. The words of Aaron's friend echoed in her young mind.

"No, that's not true, baby." Kate's voice broke with emotion. The last thing she wanted was for Emma to feel rejected. "He's just mad at something I did and…"

"You made him leave!" Emma exclaimed. "You're mean!" Before Kate could say anything more Emma turned and ran back to her room. Kate stood up to follow but was stopped by Claire.

"Let me try." The young blonde woman suggested.

Leaving Kate to pull herself together Claire went down the hall and found the little girl laying on her bed with her back to the door. Gently sitting on the bed she reached out and touched Emma's head stroking her hair. "Emma, sweetie…" She said gently. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

Not turning around Emma clutched her rabbit, Snuggle, closer and shook her head no.

"I know you're sad that you didn't get to meet your daddy yet," Claire stated.

"Mommy made him mad." Emma sniffled.

"Well, yes, that happens when grownups argue…they get mad and they get hurt." Claire gently rubbed Emma's back feeling bad for the little girl. She understand the longing the little girl felt wanting to know her father.

Turning around slightly Emma looked up at Claire, her face tear streaked. "Mommy's hurt?" she asked remembering Kate's tears.

"Yes, she is. She and your daddy both are." Claire told her. "And sometimes when grownups are hurt they say mean things to each other…meant things that make the other person mad or hurt their feelings."

Turning completely around Emma crawled onto Claire's lap and let the young woman wrap her up in a warm hug. "Is he coming back?" She asked her voice muffled against Claire's shirt.

The woman nodded and placed a kiss on top of Emma's head. "He'll come back." She said confidently. In her heart she knew that angry as he was Jack would never just walk away from his child. He wasn't that kind of man. "He just needs some time to cool off and think about things." She said softly, more to herself than the little girl.

**TBC**

Up next: Sawyer finds Jack and gives him some things to think about.


	42. Ch 42 Nothin For a Broken Heart

_**A/N: First of all I want to apologize for taking so damn long to post another update. I have been writing but haven't had a chance to sit down and type out what I've written so far as quickly as I've wanted. **_

_**Also thanks to all of you that have continued to read and continued to review. It really does mean a lot to see those reviews and thoughts on my story. It inspires to continue to write. Please continue to take a moment at the end of the chapter to hit that button!**_

_**I hope you guys enjoy this next update. It's a little guy bonding time but it also is an important part of the story. Please let me know what you think!**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song Nothin' For a Broken Heart sung by Vince Gill.**_

**CHAPTER 42 - Nothin' For a Broken Heart**

_**There ain't nothing in the bottom of your glass  
For a broken heart  
You were doing pretty good till she came  
And tore your world apart  
She found a little younger model  
You ran straight for the bottle  
There ain't nothing in the bottom of your glass  
For a broken heart **_

Do you find yourself tossin' and a turnin'  
In the middle of the night  
With a cigarette burning  
Staying up until the broad daylight  
Well you gotta be going crazy  
With another man lovin' on your baby  
There ain't nothing in the middle of the night  
For a broken heart

There ain't never been a cure for the lowdown blues  
When a woman puts on a pair of walking shoes  
You ought to know by now  
There's nothing, son, that you can do  
For a broken heart

Ain't nothing when the morning finally comes  
Gonna change a thing  
A little hair of the dog ain't gonna hurt you  
Have yourself a drink  
She found another lover  
I sure feel for you brother  
Ain't nothing in the whole wide world for a broken heart 

It took Sawyer about an hour of driving around before he found Jack's rental car parked out in front of a bar called "Casey's Pub." Pulling up and parking next to the car Sawyer took out his cell phone and called Claire briefly to tell her he had found the surgeon. Promising to call her later he jumped out of the cab of the truck and as he passed by he reached out and touched the hood of Jack's car.

"Still warm." He mumbled, guessing Jack hadn't been at the bar long enough to get drunk yet. At least that's what Sawyer was hoping was the case, not that he could blame him if he did get hammered. A man finds out the woman he loves lied to him about having a kid, he's liable to down a whole bottle of Jack Daniels in record time.

Walking into the small bar Sawyer looked over the group of patrons scattered about the place and located Jack sitting alone at one end of the bar staring into a tumbler of ice and clear liquid. Sliding onto the bar stool next to him Sawyer signaled the bartender for a beer.

"So, this was the big thing that you couldn't tell me about?" Jack asked as he took a sip of his drink, looking straight ahead.

Grabbing his beer and taking a drink Sawyer nodded. "I know you feel blindsided."

"To say the least." Jack replied sharply. "Finding out I'm a father was the last thing I expected." He turned and looked at Sawyer with a raised hand. "No, wait, finding out Kate would lie to me about something like this is the last thing I ever expected."

"She had her reasons." Sawyer stated.

Jack's eyes narrowed. "If you're here to plead her case…"

"No, Doc, that ain't it." The other man said quickly.

"Then why are you here?" Jack asked as he took another sip of his drink. "Want to buy me a belated congratulatory drink?"

"Why not?" Smirking Sawyer waved over the bartender and ordered another round. "Look Doc…Kate had her reasons for doing what she did. Now, I ain't saying they were good reasons or even reasons you'd understand, but she had them none the less."

Jack shook his head. "What reason could she possibly have to keep something this important a secret?" he demanded, angry that Sawyer had decided to follow him to champion Kate.

But the blonde haired man just shook his head no. "To tell you the truth, Doc, I don't know." He looked over at the other man in sympathy. "She's never really told me all of the reasons she did what she did. Hell, I don't think she's ever told anyone…herself included."

"So, what, I'm just suppose to forget that she lied about having my baby? Go on like its all okay?" Jack took a long drink from his glass.

"You're forgetting the most important thing in all of this." Sawyer commented.

Glancing briefly over at his companion Jack returned his attention to his drink. "What, that I still love Kate?" he shot out with an angry edge of sarcasm.

Sawyer briefly smiled to himself. "Well, there wasn't much doubt that…" he joked, then grew serious again. "Actually, Doc, I was talking about Emma…your daughter."

'_His daughter'_ Jack gave himself a mental slap on the head feeling like a total ass. His first instinct had been to lash out at Kate and then leave. He hadn't asked about the little girl…his little girl or wonder how is presence would effect her. Did she even know who he was? Something in the way she had looked at Jack before Claire ushered her out told him she did. And yet he had rushed out of the house without a second thought or question about the pigtailed little girl. _'Some father material I am.'_ He thought to himself.

As if he could read his mind Sawyer patted Jack on his back. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Doc, you got hit with a lot today."

Signaling to the bartender to bring them another round, Jack drained the last of the drink in his hand. "That's an understatement." He said sadly.

Sawyer sighed as he recognized the signs of Jack's mood. He wouldn't have taken Jack for one to fall into his own pity party…pissed off, yes, trying to figure out a plan for what to do next, most definitely, but to sit here in a neighborhood bar downing vodka tonics feeling sorry for himself? Certainly not what the southerner was expecting.

"She's a great kid, you know." Sawyer offered. "Even if she has half your genes."

Jack gave him a wounded look, but didn't say anything.

"What?" Sawyer asked confused. He was expecting at least some sort of comeback. "It's just a little joke."

"You know her. You know more about her than I do." Jack replied softly.

"That don't mean nothin'" Sawyer told him. "I'm not her daddy, you are."

"You might as well be for as much as she knows about me." Jack returned his attention to his drink, but instead of taking a sip, he stirred the ice around lazily.

"That's where you're wrong, Jack." Sawyer countered. "That little girl knows damn straight who her daddy is…and not just your name."

Jack perked up at the statement turning back to Sawyer. "She does?"

Sawyer nodded quickly. "Knows he's a doctor and that he lives in Los Angeles, though some days she calls it…Los Angles…"

Jack gave a small smile at the comment and Sawyer continued. "And somehow she got this cock-a-mamie story about how her daddy was some sort of heroic leader on the island." Sawyer took a swig of his beer. "I think Claire told her that one."

This time Jack let out a chuckle as he shook his head. "Well, I know you didn't tell her that story."

The blonde man shrugged his shoulders. "I told her that her daddy saved my life a time or two." He revealed in an almost nonchalant manner. He noticed the surprise look on Jack's face. "What? The kid asked me to tell her a story about you. She looked so excited, I couldn't disappoint." He took another swig of his beer.

Jack looked at the man next to him in wonderment. This was certainly not what he was expecting from James "Sawyer" Ford, a man, who on the island, almost always seemed to look out for himself first and foremost. But Jack suspected that Emma had managed to carve out a spot in the ex con man's heart…just like her mother had.

"Why are you doing this?" he finally asked.

"Doing what?" Sawyer replied feigning confusion.

"All this." Jack replied. "Coming to L.A. to get me out here, following me to this place…telling me about her asking about me…Why?"

Remaining silent for a moment Sawyer pondered on how to answer that question. Finally he pulled out his wallet and took out a small picture. After looking at it for a moment he passed it over to Jack. "Her name is Clementine." He mumbled.

Jack took the picture and looked at it. It was of an infant…a baby girl judging from the pink blanket she was wrapped in. She looked to be no more than a month old. The picture itself looked old, the corners worn and creased.

"She's almost 9 years old." Sawyer said as he took a drink of beer. "Lives with her mama in New Mexico."

Jack was blown away by his apparent confession. "You have a daughter?" he looked over at Sawyer perplexed. The Southerner nodded sadly.

"Then why…I mean on the island you were…you never…" Jack stammered remembering how on the island Sawyer had initially given the impression he didn't care about anything outside of himself. He flashed back to the time he had been stabbed in the arm and had told Jack to let him die since he had nothing to live for. Not something you would expect a father to say.

"Nobody knows." Sawyer told him as he took back the picture and tucked it back in his wallet. "She doesn't even know."

Jack's eyes widen at that last statement. "Her mother kept her from you?"

"Nope, that was all my doing." Sawyer replied taking another drink of his almost empty bottle of beer. "That picture? Her mama, Cassidy, gave it to me the day she came and told me about the baby."

"What'd you say?"

"I told her no way, not my kid. I wasn't going to be a daddy." He replied rolling the bottom of the beer bottle in small circles across the top of the bar. "All the stuff a girl really wants to hear from her baby's daddy."

Jack shook his head feeling, at that moment, sorry for Sawyer. From the tone of his voice Jack guessed Sawyer was feeling sorry for himself too. "Why did you do that?"

"I ain't daddy material, especially at that time. So I told her I wasn't good for her or the kid…that I only end up leaving them in the end anyway. I told her to leave."

"What happened after?"

Sawyer sighed. "She did what I told her, she left. I came into some money a short time later after that and I put it in a trust fund for Clementine."

"You didn't every try to see her?" Jack wanted to know.

Signaling for another beer Sawyer shrugged his shoulders. "I went to New Mexico when we got back, after the rescue. Cassidy, it turns out, got married. She told me her husband had wanted to adopt Clementine and as far the kid was concerned he was her daddy…the only she's ever known."

Jack could hear the tone of regret in the other man's voice and a wave of unexpected empathy went out for the guy. He obviously knew some of what Jack was going through. "So, did you end up meeting her?" he asked though he could almost guess at the answer.

"Nah," Sawyer shook his head. "But I gave her the best gift I could. I agreed to let Cassidy's husband adopt her."

"You gave your daughter up?" Jack asked incredulously.

"It was the best thing for her." Sawyer explained. "She doesn't need me in her life. I ain't any kind of daddy material."

Jack was struck with a pang of fear at hearing Sawyer's words. What if he wasn't father material either? After all, he didn't have the best example growing up. What if he ended up repeating all of his father's behaviors and attitudes towards his own child? Wasn't that fear one of the reasons why he didn't push Sarah to get pregnant? But this was different. That was planning a pregnancy…there was a child already in existence…a child he helped create. Would she, like Sawyer's daughter, be better off being raised by the man Kate was planning on marrying?

"You ain't me, Doc." Sawyer's voice broke through his thoughts.

Looking up from his drink Jack shot the other man an annoyed look. "Stop doing that."

"Doing what?" Sawyer smirked. "Stop getting inside that complicated head of yours?"

"You're not inside my head." Jack shot back. A statement reminiscent of a conversation long past.

"You know for a guy who has a hell of a poker face, you've been an easy read tonight." Sawyer joked reaching into the bowl of popcorn on the bar and popping a few kernels in his mouth.

"Maybe I'm just not in the mood to play games." Jack replied solemnly. "Tell me Sawyer, do you regret it? Giving her up, I mean."

Sawyer looked over at the man next to him…the man who was becoming more of a friend as they sat there. He nodded. "But like I said, Jack, you ain't me. You walk away now you're not going to be able to live with yourself. You're not the kind of guy to walk away from commitment…it isn't in your makeup."

Jack chuckled. "My father use to tell me the same thing."

Sawyer nodded chewing on some more popcorn. "He told me that you were a good man, better man than him, remember? You think he was wrong?"

Jack didn't answer. Instead he called over the bartender and ordered two more beer opting to pass on the hard liquor for the rest of the night.

The two men sat on their barstools and drank in silence for a couple of minutes. As Sawyer looked around the establishment he watched the other patrons drinking and socializing. Some gave him the impression they were regulars in the small bar. It was an interesting mixture from what he could tell. Some were in business attire having a drink or two after getting off work, while others were dressed in more casual attire, probably there for the same reason. In the corner he noticed a couple of pool tables and smirked.

"So, Doc' you up for a game of pool?"

Jack looked over at him in surprise. "Pool? Are you serious?"

"Nothing clears your head like a couple of rounds of pool." Sawyer grabbed his beer as he stood up. "Think of it as another thing you can beat me at." He deadpanned.

Laughing Jack shook his head and grabbing his own beer he followed the blonde man to the empty pool table.

A couple of hours later they had just started another round of pool and were really starting to feel the affects of the beer they had drunk. As Jack leaned over the table to line up his next shot the waitress appeared with the cheeseburgers and fries the two men had ordered. Pulled back the pool stick Jack pushed it forwarded and hit the cueball into the intended target ball and watched as it fell into the side pocket with a resounding thump. Looking over at Sawyer with a cocky grin Jack walked over to the other side of the table to set up his next shot.

"Damn it Doc' ain't there a game you're not good at?" Sawyer complained having lost most of the games already played.

After missing his next shot Jack walked over to his food. "I don't know, I guess there's ping pong." He joked. "Of course I hadn't played since I was 12…"

"Yeah, yeah, excuses." Sawyer hit his shot in and went for the next ball. "What'd you do hustle pool in your youth?"

Taking a bite of his burger Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Student Union had a pool room and so did my frat house. We used to play every Friday afternoons and on weekends."

As Jack maneuvered over to sink the eight ball, Sawyer caught sight of a couple of young women looking their way. The red head was watching Jack in particular. As the dark haired man started to rack the balls up for another game the red head walked over to their corner smiling. She placed her hands on the edge of the table opposite of Jack and leaned over slightly giving him a peek at her impressive cleavage.

"Can I play?" She asked flirtatiously.

Blushing slightly Jack shot a quick look at Sawyer before returning his attention to the woman. "You play pool?"

Grabbing the cue ball the red head dragged it slowly across the table in front of her. "Well, not very well, but maybe you could give me some tips?" She licked her lips.

Grabbing her hand with his Sawyer retrieved the cue ball. "Actually, Sweetheart, sorry to disappoint, but he's taken." He told the woman.

"Hey!" Jack interrupted.

"You got your hands full with the two women in your life, you don't need another muking things up right now." Sawyer quickly told him.

'_What two women?' _Jack thought to himself.

"Well, you know…I don't mind sharing." The red head replied, but was waved off by Sawyer.

"Well, you know…" he turned and faced her. "His woman does. And frankly you might outweigh her by 25 pounds…"Sawyer eyed her up and down. "…but she'd still kick your ass and pull your hair out by its colored roots."

The red head angrily pushed at Sawyer's chest insulted. "You're an asshole!" She replied hotly.

Smirking Sawyer nodded. "That's what I've been told." He retorted giving her a small salute as she stomped back over to her friends. Turning back to his friend he put up his hands. "What?"

"How do you know I wasn't interested?" Jack asked.

"Seems to me, Doc', you've got enough on your plate without some ho' honey stirring things up…even for one night."

"And just what two women were you talking about me having?" The doctor wanted to know.

"Emma…and her mother." Sawyer replied as he leaned over the table for his shot. Pulling back the pool stick he hit the cue ball…and sunk the eight ball in the corner pocket. Standing back up he cursed. "Son of a bitch!"

"That's game." Jack laughed deciding to ignore the last comment Sawyer made. No use reminding him that Emma's mother was engaged to another man. "Let's see looks like you owe me two hundred." He laid his stick on top of the table and started back to the bar to their original spot to grab a stool.

"I'm good for it." Sawyer told him as he followed. Once situated on the stools with a fresh beer in hand he looked over at Jack. "Any ideas what you do next?"

Jack took a long drag of beer. "I know I can't just leave…not yet."

"Well, that's a start." Sawyer nodded satisfied. "You still pissed off at Kate?"

Turning to Sawyer Jack's eyes narrowed. "Can you blame me? She lied."

"Yeah, I know she did, but that's in the past and staying mad ain't gonna change anything."

"So, what 'd you suggest I do, tell her everything is forgiven and forgotten?" Jack shot back angrily.

"Well, not forgotten, but maybe you could work on the forgiven part." The Southerner suggested, to which Jack gave him a look of surprise. "I'm just saying, Doc', you and Freckles are parents and you're going to need to find a way to work through this and get along if for nothing else than for that little girl's sake."

Looking away Jack let out a sigh as he took another drink. He knew what Sawyer was saying was right, even if he didn't want to admit it to the guy.

"You know what you need?" Sawyer leaned in towards Jack and whispered, the effects of the alcohol starting to show. "You need to hit something. Get that anger out."

"You volunteering?"

Shaking his head the blonde man straightened up and patted Jack on the shoulder. "You'll thank me for this later." He told him before turning around and stumbling into the stranger next to him causing the man to spill his drink.

The man turned around and barked at Sawyer. "What's your problem?!"

"Me? You're the one that bumped into me!" Sawyer shot back and gave the man a shove for good measure. The man retailed with a swing that Sawyer was able to side step causing the man's fist to bang into Jack's shoulder.

"Hey!" Jack yelled before turning and shoving the man backwards. Before the guy could really regain his composure Jack's fist connected with his jaw.

Sawyer, meanwhile, was busy exchanging punches with another man in the group who had jumped in to try and help his friend. A couple of other patrons joined in and moments later there were four or five pockets of fights going on in the bar. Catching a quick glimpse Jack thought it looked like something out of a movie.

BAM! He stumbled slightly as he felt someone's fist hit him in his jaw, the faint taste of iron filling his mouth. Wiping the back of his hand across his lips he looked in the direction of the blow and saw his attacker advancing again. Squaring himself to throw a punch he heard a crash and the man suddenly fell to the ground – out cold. Behind him stood the red headed woman from earlier holding the shattered remnants of a tequila bottle. Jack looked at her in surprise and she flashed him a smile. Breaking into a grin Jack shouted a 'thanks' before he felt himself pulled from behind. Turning around ready to throw another punch he discovered it was Sawyer.

"Hold on their Ali," he said quickly pulling Jack along towards the exit. "Let's get the hell out of here before the cops get here."

They were able to make their way out of the bar with a couple of other customers not involved and hustled over to their vehicles.

"Meet me at the convenience store at the corner." Sawyer instructed as he jumped into this truck and pulled out of the lot with Jack right on his tail, missing the police's arrival by just seconds.

As Jack pulled into the parking lot of the Quik Mart he felt his vision get a little fuzzy as he navigated the rental car into a space next to Sawyer's truck. He knew it was the effects of the alcohol.

"Hot damn, Doc', I forgot you got a hell of a right hook!" Sawyer came up to the driver's side window. His shirt torn, his bottom lip already starting to swell up and the redding under his left eye a clear sign of a black eye to come Sawyer looked like he had gotten as good as he had given.

The initial adrenaline rush wearing down Jack shot him a look. "What the hell were you thinking starting a bar fight?"

"I was thinking…" Sawyer said slowly through his busted lip. "…that you were needing to get rid of some of your anger." He looked over at the other man and saw a cut above Jack's left eye, a cut lip and a torn shirt as well. The knuckles on one of his hands were cut and bloody. "Feel better?"

Surprisingly Jack had to admit he did feel better. Some of the anger and tension was gone. "Yeah."

"Great. Now, think you can make it back to the house?" Sawyer asked touching his own lip gingerly and wincing.

"How far?" Jack wasn't sure he could drive too far.

"About 3 or 4 miles, you must have been driving around in circles before you found that bar."

"I wasn't sure where the hell I was going." Jack admitted.

"Well, Doc, just follow me then." Sawyer returned to his truck and started off.

When they got to the house they found the lights inside off, but Claire had left the porch light on. It was a good thing she had because even with the lighted up area Sawyer still had trouble fitting the key into the lock and turning the door knob.

Laughing softly he tried a couple of times to engage the lock before Jack stepped in and grabbed the keys. Easily guiding the key into the lock and turning it he looked over at Sawyer and smirked.

"Surgeons hands." He teased before pushing the door open.

"Everybody must be asleep." Sawyer said in a loud voice.

"Shush!" Jack replied making his way over to the edge of the couch, his head already starting to hurt.

"You look like hell." Sawyer commented as he made his way over to the recliner, choosing to lean against the back rather than sit in it.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not the one with the black eye and fat lip." Jack shot back rubbing his temples.

"What in God's name…" Claire's voice came from the hallway. She came rushing into the room followed by Kate. Both of them dressed in pajama bottoms and t-shirts. "Oh my God, Sawyer, what happened?"

Claire rushed over to the blonde man and looked him over before glancing at Jack.

"We were at this bar having some drinks…" Sawyer started then hissed in pain when Claire touched his eye. "Damn woman, not so hard!"

Claire's eyes narrowed and she brought her hands down to her hips. "You two had a fight?" Both men nodded sheepishly. "Of all the stupid things…What were you fighting about?"

"Not with each other." Jack spoke up quickly.

Claire looked over at Sawyer suspiciously. "Oh really?"

"We were just having a couple of beers, playing some pool and I accidently bumped into this guy and he and his friends took offense." Sawyer told her an innocent look on his face.

Jack ducked his head to hide the smirk on his face at hearing Sawyer's version of the fight.

Shaking her head slightly Claire reached over and grabbed Sawyer's arm and pulled him with her towards the hallway. "Well, come on, let's get you cleaned up. You're really going to be a sight tomorrow."

"Gee thanks." Sawyer deadpanned but let her lead him away.

As they passed Kate, who was leaning against the wall observing, Claire cocked her head back towards the living room. "I'll leave that one to you." She smiled noticing Kate had already grabbed one of their first aid kits.

Nodding Kate made her way to where Jack was sitting. He had slipped his form onto one of the couch cushions, eyes closed his head tilted to the back of the couch.

"Hey," she greeted nervously. "Looks like you could use some help."

Slowly opening his eyes he looked up at the pretty brunette and was surprised not to feel anger towards her like he had earlier. Maybe it was the alcohol mellowing him out or maybe the fight earlier had released some of that anger or maybe he was just too damn tired at that moment to want to start anything. Instead he nodded. "I'm okay."

Kate shook her head and put the first aid kit on the coffee table while she knelt in front of him. "You've got a cut on your face that's bled and your lip…" She scrutinized him. "Jack, your knuckles!" She gasped reaching out and picking up his left hand that had dried blood along the knuckles. "What did you do, punch a wall?"

He winced. "I think he was about the size of a wall."

She reached over and pulled some antiseptic wipes from the kit and opened them along with the small bottle of peroxide. "This is going to sting." She told him as she started to clean his wound.

Wincing again Jack shifted a bit in his seat. "That's usually my line." He joked.

Not looking up Kate broke out in a small smile as she continued to wipe off the blood. Though she was aware of the tension that still hung between the two she was relieved that he hadn't jumped on a plane back to L.A. "So, what happened? How did the fight start?"

"Some guy took a swipe at Sawyer." Jack said slowly suddenly aware at how close Kate was. The familiar scent of her body lotion filling his nostrils.

"So, you had to jump in and help him?" She asked amused, glancing up at him.

"Seemed like a good idea at the time." He deadpanned then jumped a little when he felt her soft breath blowing across his cut. "Jeez, Kate!"

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to make sure it's dry before I put the bandage on." She explained as she pulled out a roll of gauze.

Letting out a deep breath to calm his beating heart he shook his head. "You don't have to wrap it."

Ignoring him she snipped a long piece off and picked up his hand. "It could get infected." She told him wrapping the gauze around his knuckles. "I think you'd find it hard to do surgery with one hand."

"Being a little dramatic, aren't you?" He replied watching ash she expertly tucked the loose corner in and taped it off.

"Well, stop being such a difficult patient." She shot back. Reaching for more peroxide she went to work on the cut over his eye. It turned out that one looked worse than it was so she gently pressed a small band-aid over it and then handed him a wipe to clean his lip.

"I'll be right back." She announced before disappearing into the kitchen. She returned a couple of minutes later with some aspirin and a glass of water which she handed to Jack.

"Thanks." He told her as he handed her back the empty glass. "I should probably get going." He started to push himself off the couch.

"What?" Kate exclaimed in surprise.

"Yeah, I need to get a room for the night. I didn't have a chance earlier."

Kate stood in front of him to keep him from leaving. "Jack, it's after midnight and you're not in the best condition to drive." She told him.

Meeting her gaze he shook his head. "I'm fine." He insisted. "I just need to find a hotel…"

"Forget it!" She interrupted. "You can stay here tonight and you can get a room tomorrow."

Standing there looking at her the determination sparkling in her emerald eyes, he backed down. "Okay," he agreed.

Kate had to admit she was somewhat surprised that she didn't get more of a fight from him, but shook that off. "Good. We've got a pullout in the den." She pointed to the room he remembered they had been in earlier. "I'll get some blankets and pillows."

By the time she had returned Jack had the bed pulled out and his shoes off. She placed the pillows on the bed and started to unfold one of the blankets when Jack stopped her.

"I got it. Thanks." He took the blanket from her and continued to unfold it.

Sensing that he wanted her to leave, Kate nodded. "Okay, Goodnight, then." She said her voice tiny as she started to back away.

"Yeah…night." He replied not looking up from the blanket he was draping over the bed.

With nothing more to say Kate retreated to her room to try and salvage the rest of the night's sleep, made all the more difficult by the presence of the handsome doctor in the other part of the house. Jack, meanwhile, was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow, the totality of the day's events finally overwhelming him.

**TBC**

Up next: A little Emma and Daddy time? Hummm…


	43. Ch 43 Father and Daughter

_**A/N: First of all, thank you guys so much for all the fun and enthusiastic reviews. I know you've heard it before, but they really do help push me to continue to write because I know there are people out there that are reading and reacting to my story. Totally rocks.I hope you'll keep it up. I like to hear what you're liking and not liking about this. Most of you seemed to like the friendship between Jack and Sawyer. I'm glad. Ireally like to think that had it not been for the competition for Kate and Sawyer's feelings of insecurity around Jack, those two could have been quicker friends on the show.In this story, Sawyer's friendship with Jack is a sign of maturity and growth on his part. This next part is Jack's introduction to his daughter - a very important component in this story. Emma is after all the ultimate bond between Jack and Kate and very much a Jater! She, above everyone else in this story, is going to be the driving force (so to speak). **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song Father and Daughter sung by Paul Simon. **_

**CHAPTER 43 - FATHER AND DAUGHTER**

_If you leap awake  
In the mirror of a bad dream  
And for a fraction of a second  
You can't remember where you are  
Just open your window  
And follow your memory upstream  
To the meadow in the mountain  
Where we counted every falling star_

_I believe the light that shines on you  
Will shine on you forever  
And though I can't guarantee  
There's nothing scary hiding under your bed  
I'm gonna stand guard  
Like a postcard of a Golden Retriever  
And never leave till I leave you  
With a sweet dream in your head_

_I'm gonna watch you shine  
Gonna watch you grow  
Gonna paint a sign  
So you'll always know  
As long as one and one is two  
There could never be a father  
Who loved his daughter more than I love you_

When Jack woke up the next morning a thin stream of sunlight was coming through the window casting a cheery glow to the room. Taking a deep breath he found his head ached as well as his hand – results from the previous night's activities.

Swinging his legs around he slowly sat up letting out a small groan. Noticing some movement out of his peripheral vision he turned and found Emma sitting at the desk watching him. This was definitely not something he was expecting.

"Hi." He greeted somewhat awkwardly

"Hi." She said in almost a whisper.

"What…ahum…are you doing?" 

"Coloring." The little girl replied. 

Jack noticed a bucket of crayons next to her. Standing up with a chuckle he walked over to the desk aware of a pair of hazel eyes that followed his movements. She looked as if she was unsure of what he was doing.

"What are you coloring?" Jack gave her a warm smile. "Can I see?"

Nodding her head she pushed the coloring book in his direction. It was a picture of a fairy princess and a frog. "Wow, this is nice." He exclaimed as Emma broke out in a smile at his words. "I've never seen a purple frog before."

"It's a magic frog." Emma explained happily. So far he seemed nice and she was glad. "You have a boo boo?" She asked pointing to his bandaged hand.

"It's just a small one." He told her trying to reassure her that he was okay.

"Mommy give you med'sen?" 

Smiling Jack nodded. "Yeah, she took care of it."

"Good. Mommy makes boo boos better." She announced then pulling back the coloring book she offered him a crayon. "Wanna try?" she asked, her innocence filling her voice.

As Jack stood there he was struck with the idea that he was looking at his daughter…his child. Someone who, less than 48 hours prior, he didn't even know existed. Now he was trying to face the idea that he was a father. And idea that if he was honest, at that moment, terrified him like nothing else had before…not even the crash. And here was that little girl reaching out in the only way she knew trying to make some sort of connection with him…a virtual stranger. It pained him to think he was just that to – a stranger to his own daughter.

Putting a smile on his face he took the crayon and kneeled down next to her. "What should I color?"

Flipping the page of the book Emma pointed to a picture of a winged horse. "That one." She said firmly before turning to the page in front of her and picking up a crayon of her own.

As Jack rubbed the crayon on the paper he noticed the little girl would look up at him for a second then quickly look back down. Finally catcher her gaze he smiled noticing just how the spray of freckles fell across her tiny nose and cheeks…so much like her mother.

Emma cocked her head to the side looking shyly at the man next to her. "You're my daddy." She said softly making it sound more like a statement than a question.

Nodding his head slowly Jack gave a tight smile. "Yeah, looks like it."

"Mommy told me about you. You a doctor. You make people all better."

Letting out a chuckle Jack nodded again. "I try."

Matching his nod Emma continued with a sense of excitement. "She said you live in…in…Caforna."

Jack let out another soft laugh at her pronunciation of the state's name. "Yeah, I do."

"Mommy said you had to help this lady…she was sick and she didn't have a mommy or daddy to help her get better." As she spoke the words spilled out in a way that Jack could sense this was a story she had repeated before. For a moment he was angry that Kate would have made it sound like he had stayed away because he chose to…to help a sick person over being with his child. But then just as quickly he realized that she had told Emma a story that the little girl could understand and accept without feeling rejected.

Emma suddenly looked over at Jack with her head cocked to the side. "Did you make the lady better?" She asked sweetly.

Jack's eyes clouded over for a moment in sadness. "No, angel, I couldn't make her better." He said softly.

"Don't be sad, Daddy." Emma replied, her eyes sparkled up at him and from his angle they appeared almost the same shade as Kate's.

'_Daddy'' _Jack never though that hearing that word could warm his heart so much but it did. "I'm okay." He said honestly as he smiled at the little girl.

Happy that he was okay she returned her attention to the coloring book. "Keep coloring Daddy." She instructed.

Breaking into a wider grin Jack nodded. "What color should his tail be?" he asked.

Digging around in the bucket Emma pulled out a crayon and held it up to him. Jack frowned. "Pink? No, not pink. It's a boy horse." He teased her.

"Weally?" Emma giggled. 

With a somewhat serious look on his face Jack nodded. "Yup. So, you need to pick a boy color."

Letting out another giggle she pulled out a dark green crayon. "How about this one Daddy?" she offered up.

"That is perfect." Jack chuckled taking the crayon from her.

Unknown to them Kate had been standing quietly at the doorway for the last couple of minutes watching their exchange. She had been surprised to find Emma there with Jack in the first place and was further surprised to see how they were getting along so well so soon. She felt tears prickle when she heard Emma call Jack 'daddy'. Kate hadn't expected her to do that so quickly. 

As she stood there she saw her daughter, usually a more shy and reserved child around strangers, chatter and giggle with the man she has been so anxious to meet. Kate was filled with guilt over having kept them apart for so long.

Taking a deep breath Kate stepped into the den. "Hey." Both looked up.

"Hi Mommy!" Emma greeted cheerfully.

Jack met her gaze and nodded. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Kate asked motioning to his hand.

"Still sore." Jack said forming a loose fist then releasing it slowly.

"No headache?" She probed as she handed him another dose of aspirin and a bottle of water.

"Thanks." He said as he pushed himself up on his feet. "No headache…just some throbbing around the cut."

Satisfied, Kate nodded. "Well, you're doing better than Sawyer." She joked. "At least from what Claire said."

The conversation dropped off at that point with neither one of them knowing what to say next. Both knew they still had a lot to talk about, now just not being the right time.

"Mommy, look." Emma chirped up pointing to her coloring book. "Daddy was coloring with me."

Bending over the desk Kate glanced briefly at Jack before smiling at their daughter. "That's great, Doddle Bug, but right now you need to go get washed up for breakfast." Kate told her.

The little girl let out a disappointed sigh. "Do I have to?"

Nodding Kate lifted Emma out off of the chair and placed her standing on the floor. "Besides, I'm sure Ja…your daddy is going to want to a shower before we all eat." Kate said looking over at the dark haired man. 

Jack looked back at her surprised. "Hey…listen…I didn't expect…I mean…"

"We already set a place for you." Kate told him quickly, her eyes asking for his acceptance.

Ducking his head he finally nodded. "Okay. I'll get my bag from the car." He said admitting to himself that a warm shower and some food sounded good.

As they started to walk out of the den Kate cleared her throat. "Ahum…the bathroom is the first door on the left." She told him. "There's fresh towels and soap already there."

Fifteen minutes later a freshly showered Jack walked into the dining room feeling a little awkward. "He glanced across the room to the kitchen entrance and saw Kate and Claire moving about serving up some food and chatting with each other. Claire, Jack noticed, was dress in scrubs, reminding him that she was a nurse these days.

"Daddy, you're done." Emma greeted him walking in behind him. She was still dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, her face freshly scrubbed and her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. 

"I sure am."

"Can you sit next to me?" She asked shyly.

Jack smiled. "I'd like that." He told her breaking into a bigger smile when Emma's little hand found his and she pulled him over to their seats. "You can sit here." She pointed to one of the chairs. 

Hearing the conversation Claire popped her head out of the kitchen. "Good Morning Jack." She greeted sweetly.

"Morning Claire." Jack returned the greeting warmly.

"Well, you sure faired better than Sawyer did this morning." Claire commented as she placed a plate of toast and a platter of bacon on the table. 

Gripping the back of the chair Jack let out a chuckle. "So, I heard."

"Yeah, We won't be seeing him this morning. He's still in bed moaning about his eye and cheek hurting." Claire told him. "He can be such a baby sometimes."

The two adults laughed for a moment before Kate appeared carrying a platter of scrambled eggs in one hand and a plate of pancakes in the other. "Hey," She greeted Jack again and smoothly put the plates on the table. "Everything's ready." 

"Emma, sweetie, can you go tell Aaron breakfast is ready." Claire asked the little girl who quickly ran out into the living room to retrieve the older child yelling. "Awron! Come on!" 

As Aaron followed Emma back into the dining room he stopped when he spotted Jack settled in the chair between his regular seat and Emma's. 

"Aaron, sweetie, you didn't get to meet him yesterday," Claire told her son. "This is Jack."

"My daddy!" Emma piped up proudly as she slid into her chair.

Cocking his head to the side Aaron gave Jack the once over. "Hi"

Jack smiled and put out his hand to give the little boy a grown-up handshake. "Hi Aaron." He leaned down towards the little boy and whispered. "I hope you don't mind me sitting here."

Aaron looked up at him with a smile reminding Jack of the little boy's mother. "It's okay."

With everyone settled, the food was served and the two mother's made sure their respective kids were eating before starting on their own breakfasts.

"So, Claire, what hospital are you working at?" Jack asked genuinely interested.

"I'm at Seattle Memorial." She replied cheerfully. "In the NIC Unit." 

As they continued to chat about Claire's job and hospital work, Kate felt excluded. And she got the impression that Jack really wasn't looking for a way to include her in the conversation.

She ate a few bites in silence then turned to her daughter. "You excited about going to Ballet?" She asked Emma.

The little girl nodded as she swallowed a bite of pancake. "I like dancing, Mommy." She replied happily.

"I know you do," Kate reached over and tapped Emma's nose with her finger. "And you're so good too." She laughed. 

Emma's giggle caused Jack to turn his attention to that side of the table catching Kate's eyes, asking silently what was so funny.

"She's excited about her ballet class later this morning." Kate explained. 

"Oh," Jack nodded and turned to look at Emma. "So, you're in Ballet?"

"Ah huh," She nodded then reached for her juice. Her fingers just missed the glass causing it to wobble. Jack's quick reflexes stopped it from toppling over and spilling.

"Careful." He warned instinctively.

The little girl blushed and looked down. "Sorry." She mumbled with a hint of fear in her voice.

Picking up the glass he brought it to her hand then bent over his mouth close to her ear. "It's okay, nothing spilled." He told her warmly. She looked up at him. "Drink your juice." He told her gently with a smile.

When breakfast was over Jack offered to help Claire clean up the table while Kate took Aaron and Emma to get them ready. Since Claire was due into work soon Kate had offered to take Aaron to his soccer practice after Emma's ballet class, along with getting them lunch later.

"You guys have a real routine going, don't you?" Jack observed as he collected the glasses off the table.

"I guess," Claire replied with a nonchalant shrug. "We've always tried to help each other when we can. When Kate was still working at the country club she worked the lunch and dinner shift so I tried to fill in when I could. And I can't tell you what a lifesaver she was with Aaron. He adores her. Before Emma was born he was always around her. He used to take his naps with her because he was convinced she needed the company during her bed rest."

"Bed rest?" Jack asked concern in his voice. "Was she on bed rest during her pregnancy?"

Claire bit her bottom lip realizing she had probably said more than she should have. "Yeah, but only for four hours a day. The pregnancy went fine and Emma was born naturally. From what I heard, the labor was normal."

Jack cocked his head to the side curious about the whole thing. "From what you heard? You weren't there?"

"No, Charlie and I were out of town. Her father, Sam, was with her." Claire explained purposely leaving out the rest of the details of Emma's birth at home. That was for Kate to share with him.

'_I should have been there.'_ Jack thought to himself feeling hurt at missing out on the birth of his child. 

Noticing his brooding expression Claire reached over and gently touched his arm. "You two need to talk this out and resolve things."

He nodded. "I know." 

"Okay, then, I'm going in to cover part of a shift, so I'll be home about 2:30." Claire told him. "Why don't you and Kate talk then? Sawyer and I will take the kids to the library for story time." 

Jack broke out in a smirk. "Sawyer at story time?" 

"Well, he finds himself a book and sits nearby pretending not to listen." She joked.

Joining her in laughter he handed her the last item on the counter. "Well, I probably should go check into a hotel."

"Oh no, Jack, you're welcome to stay here again." Claire quickly told him. "We have the room."

Grateful for her offer he still declined. "I think it's probably a better idea for me to get a hotel room. I think it'll keep the…tension level down." He told her.

Claire nodded, understanding what he was trying to say. There were a lot of things for he and Kate to resolve and it wasn't going to happen overnight. Glancing at her watch, she realized the time. "I'd better get going before I'm late."

The two walked into the living room where Aaron was sitting dressed in his soccer shorts and shirt playing with his trains.

Claire walked over and bent down to plant a kiss on his head. "Okay, sweetie, I'll see you this afternoon. Be good and behave for your Aunt Kate." 

"He always does." Kate said from behind the trio.

Moving into the living room she was followed by Emma who had changed into a dark pink leotard and matching tights, a white wrapped around skirt around her tiny waist. Kate had pulled her hair back into a bun fastened by a pink hair band.

Jack broke out into a wide grin, she looked adorable. "All ready for class, huh?" he asked her.

As she walked over to him the ballet slippers she wore padded softly on the tile floor. "I'm all ready." She announced dramatically.

"Well, you look very pretty." Jack told her. "And I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun." He looked over at Kate. "I'm going to take off and see about getting a hotel room."

Kate felt a pang of disappointment. "You can stay here…" She started to say.

"I think it's better I just get a room." He replied firmly, casting his gaze off to the side. 

"Sure, okay." Kate replied softly. "You'll come back later?"

He nodded but still didn't try to meet her gaze. "I'll be back this afternoon. We'll talk then."

At this point Claire had walked over to the two adults as she slipped on her sweater. "I told Jack that Sawyer and I will take the kids to the library when I get back so you two can talk." She explained quickly as she started towards the door. "I'll see you later."

"I'd better get going too." Jack announced as he walked into the den to retrieve his overnight bag. Emma followed closely at his heels.

"You go?" She asked meekly.

Squatting down to get to her level Jack nodded. "I need to go rent a hotel room so I can have a place to sleep tonight." He told her as he looked into her soft hazel eyes.

"Sleep here, daddy." She pointed to the pull out sofa.

Her eyes held such a vulnerability that pierced him right in the gut that he almost gave in just to please her. He shook his head no.

"I can't Angel" he said gently. "But I'll be back this afternoon and maybe we can color some more."

Giving him a small smile the little girl agreed. "And I can show you my toys."

"It's a deal." Jack chuckled as he stood back up and grabbed his bag. They were met at the doorway by Kate who had silently watched the exchange still marveling at how quickly Emma was bonding with Jack. She had opened up to him almost immediately and Jack, to his credit, had responded perfectly. Kate had to give a small smile as the two of them started towards her. He was definitely showing the signs of being a good, loving father.

A moment later they stood somewhat awkwardly at the front door. 

"So, I'll see you later, I guess." Kate said as she drapped a hand on Emma's shoulders.

"Yeah," He nodded slowly then turned his attention towards Emma. "You have fun at class, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy." She gave him a big smile.

Nodding a silent goodbye jack slipped out of the house and out to his car. 

Shutting the door Kate let out a sigh. She knew she had a big job ahead of her this afternoon just trying to explain to Jack why she did what she did. _'How am I going to explain it to him when I can't even explain it to me anymore.' _She thought unhappily. Shaking her head she went into the living room with Emma to collect Aaron and get started on their busy morning.

Jack found a hotel a few miles away and quickly secured a room. Dropping his luggage on the floor he pulled out his cell phone and dialed Marc's number. 

"So, buddy, how'd it go?" Marc anxiously asked skipping the usual 'hello' greeting.

"Not what I was expecting." Jack replied as he laid down on the bed leaning against the headboard. He wasn't sure how to approaching breaking the news to his friend.

"She didn't believe you about the letter." Marc concluded.

"No, I explained and she believed me." Jack replied. 

"She broke off her engagement." Marc said excitedly.

"No," he answered with an annoyed tone. The last thing he wanted to talk about was Kate's engagement.

"Okay, then…"

"I have a daughter." Jack finally blurted out knowing his friend would have only continued to play guessing games.

"Excuse me?" Marc asked, not sure he heard Jack correctly.

"I have a daughter." Jack repeated, this time his tone softer and with a touch of wonderment.

"Holy…" the other man exclaimed. "You have a daughter?"

Jack nodded into the phone even thought Marc couldn't see him. "Yeah,"

Marc took a moment to process the news. Definitely not what he was expecting to hear Jack say. "So, how come…I mean, why didn't Kate say something?"

"She said she was waiting for Sarah to pass away."

"What? Wait, how old is the baby? I mean you haven't seen Kate in awhile." Marc replied. 

"She'll be three in a few months." Jack told him "And yes, she's mine, if that's what you were trying to ask."

Marc immediately felt guilty for having worded his previous questions the way he did. "I wasn't trying to say anything." He mumbled. "Two and half? So, that means that Kate…"

"…was pregnant when she moved out, yeah." Jack interrupted. "She didn't find out until after Sarah and I got married."

"But why didn't she tell you then?" Marc continued with the questions.

Sighing Jack filled his friend in on his encounter with Kate and their argument explaining that he was meeting up with the young woman later that afternoon to discuss things. 

"So, who does she look like?" Marc asked, changing the direction of the conversation.

Jack chuckled as his mind flashed to earlier that morning and the little beauty in a pink leotard. "She's got a lot of Kate in her." He admitted.

"Pretty, huh?"

"Beautiful." Jack replied without hesitation.

"Oh really?" Marc asked amused by the fact that his friend was already sounding like a proud father.

"She's got this sweet personality and from what I know so far she loved to draw and color and she's taking ballet classes."

"Well, if she's anything like you she's going to end up being scary smart." Marc told him using a term from their youth that Marc had coined to describe Jack's academic achievements.

"Thanks." Jack deadpanned. 

"So, have you told your mom yet?"

Jack took in a quick breath at the mention of Margo. Though his relationship with her had continued on good terms he wasn't quite ready to tell her yet. She had made it clear that while she had no objections to him helping Sarah during her illness, she did not approve of the remarriage or the idea of Jack putting his life on hold during that time. 

Margo had come to like Kate quite a bit and had hoped to call her her daughter-in-law. Now he was going to not only tell her she had a grandchild, but that Kate had kept it from him for 3 years.

"So, I take it you haven't told Margo she's a grandmother." Marc's voice filled the silence left by Jack's pondering.

"No, not yet. I wanted to have more to tell her about the situation." Jack replied.

"And how you and Kate are going to resolve things." Marc added.

Jack let out a tired breath. "I guess we start trying to figure out how to do that this afternoon. We're meeting to talk."

"Talk about just kid stuff or are you talking relationship issues?" Marc asked.

"She's engaged, Marc." Jack reminded his friend.

"True, but engagements can be broken."

Jack shook his head, not willing to venture in that direction, not at that moment. "Right now, I need to focus on Emma and building a relationship with her." He replied.

"Maybe, but you and I both know that you're still in love with Kate."

"Doesn't matter." Jack said tersely. "She's marrying someone else."

Marc let out a sigh on the other end. He knew his friend well enough to know when to stop pushing. But he also knew Jack well enough to know that he was still hung up over Kate. He wanted Jack happy and he knew that the happiest he had seen him in years was when he had been with Kate.

"So, what exactly are you going to do…about Emma, I mean?"

Jack remained silent for a moment before speaking up. "I don't know." He said honestly. "I do know that I want to get to know her. That I want to establish some kind of relationship with her." He continued as he flashed back to earlier that morning sitting and coloring with the little girl.

"So, you ready to take on being a dad?" Marc questioned.

"I have no idea." Jack replied in a low whisper. 

**TBC**

_**Coming up: Jack and Kate talk**_


	44. Ch 44 Sorry

_**A/N: I'm sorry that I've taken so longer posting. I have been writing, but I write the old fashion way – pen to paper – so I have to go back and type the chapters out and sometimes I run short of time. BUT, that being said, I have the next chapter already typed out and ready to post – you guys just say the word! Haha – shameless plea for reviews. But reviews let me know how I'm doing – if the story is dragging, is it confusing or right on the mark. So, please let me know **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song Sorry sung by Adrina Thorpe. Thanks Athena Alexandra for the suggestion – it's a great fit for this chapter.**_

**CHAPTER 44 - SORRY**

_**sorry I jumped again  
saw something coming and I blamed you for everything  
I'm sorry I pushed you away  
forgot all the good things and said everything was broken  
and I'm**_

sorry I didn't see anything but my misery  
I'm sorry I doubted again  
I wanna open up this time

sorry I mistrusted you  
tried to control you and ended up just hurting you  
I'm sorry I didn't believe  
that you'd follow through with anything that you said to me

I'm sorry I didn't see anything but my misery  
I'm sorry I doubted again  
I wanna open up this time

I'm sorry I was so afraid  
I'm sorry I feel so ashamed  
I'm sorry I was so cruel today

I'm sorry I'll try to see hope that is right in front of me  
I'm sorry I doubted again  
I wanna open up this time

After spending some time in his hotel room relaxing Jack decided to venture out to grab some lunch and check out his surroundings. Driving around he found a mall and was excited to see it had a toy store.

As he walked into the brightly lit and cheerfully decorated store he realized he had no idea what kind of toys Emma played with or what she even had.

Letting out a frustrated 'damn' he walked over to the doll section and was greeted with a whole isle of possibilities. After careful examination he settled on a rag doll that appeared to have been handmade. The body made out of yarn rolled and braided, the limbs braided to form the arms and legs. The hair was constructed from brown yarn looped and tied together to from a headful of small 'curls' while the outfit was a dress knitted out of yellow yarn.

Happy with the choice he made his way over to the arts & crafts area and picked out some coloring books, a pad of drawing paper, a set of washable markers, a box of colored pencils and a new box of crayons. As he walked towards the cashier he saw a display of remote control cars. Remembering a certain little blonde-haired boy Jack grabbed one of the boxes and threw it in his basket. A short time later with his purchases tucked safely in the backseat he was on his way back to the house arriving about 45 minutes before Claire was due home.

Sawyer, sporting a black eye, greeted him at the door. Glancing at him from head to toe Sawyer frowned. "How the hell did you manage to get away with only the cut over your eye?"

"I guess I know when to duck." Jack smirked as he walked into the house.

"Ha. Ha." The southerner deadpanned. "Hey Freckles! Jack's here!" he called out towards the kitchen while he gestured Jack to have a seat in the living room. A moment later the brunette appeared.

"Hey," she greeted Jack bashfully.

"Hey," Jack replied.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"Got a hotel room okay?"

"Yeah, no problem."

Polite conversation aside, Kate nervously pulled at her hands, not really sure what to say next.

"Would you like something to drink? Iced tea, coffee, juice?" she offered.

"Iced tea would be great." Jack replied settling a little more into his seat on the couch.

"How about a beer, Freckles?" Sawyer asked as he flopped in the recliner.

"Too early, and besides, you're going to storytime remember?" she teased.

Sawyer grimaced. "All the more reason, don't you think?"

"Tea or juice?" Kate asked impatiently.

"Fine, fine. Juice is fine." He grumbled.

When Kate returned a few minutes later she found Sawyer filling Jack in on his construction job. With a small smile she handed Jack a glass of iced tea with a couple of slices of lemon then turned to Sawyer and held out a small box of apple juice…the kind they usually kept for the kids.

"What, you couldn't pour it in a glass?" Sawyer asked sarcastically.

Taking the skinny straw out of the wrapper she popped it into the top of the box. "It tastes just as good and less mess."

"Swell" he retorted as he took a sip of the juice.

Sitting on the love seat next to the couch she returned her attention to Jack. "What's in the bags?" She asked noticing the toy store logo.

"Ahum…I picked up a couple of things for Emma and ahum…something for Aaron too." He explained.

"Well, speak of the devil." Sawyer remarked as a still sleepy-eyed Emma walked into the room wiping the last of her nap from her eyes.

"Hey Sunshine." Sawyer greeted

Looking over at the adults Emma's eyes grew in excitement when she saw Jack sitting there.

"Hi Emma." Jack smiled warmly at her.

"Hi," she said almost bashful.

Reaching her hand out Kate pulled Emma to her and pulled her up onto her lap sitting her sideways so the little girl could still face Jack. "Did you have a good nap?" she asked softly as she ran her fingers through Emma's shoulder length hair.

Emma nodded, but didn't say anything, her attention drawn to the bags by her father's legs. She couldn't tell what was in them, but with the colored tissue paper and ribbon on the handles they must have something good, she thought.

Jack smiled as he realized what she was looking at. "I got you something." He said softly.

Emma glanced quickly at Kate. "Really?" She asked excitedly.

Chuckling Jack reached down and pulled two of the bags up on his lap. "These are for you and that one for Aaron." He handed her the first bag. Emma eagerly reached in and pulled out the coloring books. Her face broke out in a big smile.

"Coloring bwooks!" She exclaimed happily as Kate held on to the bag for her. "Look, mommy!"

"I see, Doodle Bug" Kate smiled at her. "I think there's something else in the bag."

Handing Kate the book the little girl reached in again pulling out the small barrel of crayons followed by the pencils and then markers letting out a happy exclamation after each item.

"I thought we could use them when we color together." Jack told the little girl.

"We can color lots." Emma said excitedly. "And dwaw too."

Slipping Emma off her lap Kate smiled at Jack as he handed their daughter the second bigger bag.

Emma excitedly tore through the colored tissue paper and looked inside her eyes growing big as she pulled out the doll. Clasping the rag doll in both hands Emma grinned as she looked at her new toy. She had never gotten a doll like this before.

"Oh, Jack, that's beautiful." Kate exclaimed, "Isn't she pretty, Emma?"

The little girl nodded. "She's pretty." She said in a soft voice still admiring the doll. Then just as quickly she moved over to Jack and put the doll on the table in front of him. Climbing up on the couch next to him and without any prompting wrapped her arms around Jack. "Thank you, Daddy." She said burying her face in the neck for a moment. "I love my gifts."

Taken by surprise at her affectionate gesture Jack recovered quickly. Wrapping an arm around her tiny form he returned her hug amazed at how almost overnight he was getting attached. "You're welcome, Angel." He said softly in her ear.

Kate, meanwhile, watched the exchange with a lump in her throat. She couldn't believe how easily Emma was responding to Jack. She knew that the little girl had been anxious to know her father for awhile now, but she hadn't expected her to be this receptive this fast. It made her feel even more guilty for having held onto the secret as long as she had.

As Emma settled into a seat next to Jack, Kate continued to watch as he handed her the doll again and the two sat there and examined her together. Glancing over at Sawyer who had uncharacteristically stayed quiet through the whole exchange Kate jumped to her feet and quickly picked up the discarded paper. "I'll…ahum…go find Aaron. He should be up from his nap by now." She said quickly and left the room.

As Sawyer watched Jack he chuckled. "So, it looks like you made the right choice."

Looking up and over Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not walking away if that's what you mean."

"Didn't think you would." Sawyer replied. "Like I said last night, that ain't you."

"So…the eye hurt much?" Jack changed the subject quickly not wanting to say any more in front of Emma.

The blonde man reached up instinctively and gingerly touched his eye. "Mainly when I blink."

"So don't blink." Jack responded with a smirk.

"Ha. Ha." Sawyer shifted in his seat. "You know, you owe me, Doc."

"For?"

"Helping you get rid of some of that frustration and anger."

"By starting…" Jack was interrupted by a tap on his arm. Looking down he came in contact with Emma's curious expression.

"Are you mad, Daddy?" she asked in a hush tone.

Smiling at her Jack gave her a quick one armed hug. "No, I'm okay."

At this point Kate returned with Aaron in tow. He promptly went over and sat at the ottoman near Sawyer. At Jack's whispered suggestion Emma took the bag over and handed it to the little boy.

"Here Aaron, my daddy got you a pwesent." She said proudly.

Aaron's face lit up when he pulled out the box containing the remote control car. "Wow."

"Oh, Aaron, it's a remote control car that you can make move around the house." Kate exclaimed cheerfully.

"It's cool." Aaron said as he turned the box around to look at the pictures. "Thank you." He said giving the dark haired man a big toothy smile.

"You're welcome." Jack replied warmly. "I hope you'll like it."

"Are you kidding?" Sawyer spoke up. "This kid is all about trains, planes and automobiles."

The front door opened and closed and Claire made her way into the house. "Hey everybody." She greeted sounding a little winded.

Aaron jumped up from his seat and rushed over to Claire, new toy in hand. "Look, Mommy!" He showed her the box. "Look, what Jack got me!"

Admiring the gift with the appropriate "Oo's" and "aahs" Claire thanked Jack for his generosity before retiring to her room to change. A short time later, she, Sawyer and the children were out the door and Jack and Kate were left alone.

Kate had taken her previous seat across from Jack, nervous because she wasn't sure how to start.

"I want to be part of her life." Jack announced suddenly.

"Okay," Kate replied slowly, happy that he wasn't walking away.

Nodding his head he continued. "I want a say in how she's raised. It's not just going to be up to you and that guy you're marrying."

Brushing the mention of Phillip aside Kate started to protest. "Jack, I wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't what, Kate? Shut me out?" he interrupted with a sharp tone. "Well, we both know that's not true. You've shut me out for three years."

Shutting her eyes for a moment Kate nodded her head slightly. She knew he was right. She had shut him out of their daughter's life by not letting him know she existed.

"I'm sorry." She finally said in a whisper.

"You keep saying that." Jack pointed out.

"Because it's true." She replied in a louder voice. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you I was pregnant. I'm sorry that I didn't call when she was born…or any day since then."

"So, why didn't you?" He asked, desperate to understand how this woman, this woman that he thought he knew so well could do this. He needed to understand. He needed a reason.

Recognizing that Jack was giving her the chance to give him an honest explanation she let out a deep breath. "I didn't lie when I told you that Sarah's illness was a factor, but…I guess if I want to be honest with myself it wasn't the only reason."

Jack shifted his seat to look at her straight on. "So, what else?"

"My track record with relationships hasn't been the best, you know that." She continued drawing her gaze down to where her hands laid on her lap. "I mean, look how long it took us to admit what we were feeling. But once we did, it seemed like things started to fall into place. Things were good with us. It was the strongest relationship I'd ever been in." She confessed.

Agreeing with her assessment Jack nodded his head, but didn't say anything.

She looked up. "But then Sarah came back into your life needing you and I knew you couldn't walk away from her, not under those circumstances. And I just kept thinking about my mom and how I couldn't change that, but this I could." She blinked back the start of tears.

Jack sighed. "Kate, we already went though this." He replied frustrated with her not giving him a new explanation.

She shook her head. "But what I didn't count on was being worried that you would fall back in love with her." She confessed.

"What? Kate, you know that didn't happen." He was shocked.

"But I didn't know at that time. I mean, that's how you fell in love with her the first time, wasn't it? She was your patient."

"Maybe, that's a totally different situation, Kate." He pointed out.

Standing up Kate walked over to the fireplace mantle. "Maybe, but that was something I thought about."

"So then, why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? That would have killed that fear."

"Because the idea of having a baby scared me even more than the idea of losing you to Sarah." She admitted turning so that she was facing Jack again. "I mean, ever since I left home the first time I only had to depend on myself…and I only had me to take care of. But now there was this life, this little life that was going to be dependent on me for everything and it scared me. I wasn't sure what kind of mother I was going to be…I mean, really, after everything I had done I wasn't sure if I could even be a good mother." She spoke in a soft tone tugging at her hands nervously.

Suddenly it dawned on Jack what she was saying. "So, you ran?" he concluded, in a halted voice.

With a sad expression she nodded. "Yeah, at first just emotionally, but then when that wasn't enough I ran to another city." She took in a deep breath. "I knew if I kept seeing you you'd find out."

"Well, it would have been hard to hide after awhile." Jack retorted.

Kate shook her head no. "I would have told you before that. I almost did a couple of times."

"Well, that's good to know." He said.

Kate glanced over at him for a second trying to see if he was being sarcastic or snippy, but instead found the comment to be genuine. "I told myself that I just needed to stay away until Sarah was gone. But there was a part of me scare that I would screw things up somehow. That I would lose both you and the baby." She wiped her cheek brushing the tear away that had escaped.

"That wouldn't have happened." Jack tried to reassure her.

But Kate wasn't having any of it. She had finally confronted feelings she had fought back all these years and she needed to finish. "You don't know that."

"Yes, yes I do." Jack replied confidently. "You could have told me all of this back then. We could have worked it all out instead of…" He trailed off and didn't finish his sentence.

"Instead of running." Kate finished it for him. "Except that I didn't know that was what I was feeling…at least not back then. It took a while."

Nodding Jack stood up and walked over and stood on the opposite side of the mantle. "So, were you not happy in our relationship Kate? Was that it?"

She shook her head. "No, that's not it!" She said firmly. "I was happy." She looked down. "It's just that sometimes I felt like maybe I didn't deserve to be there…to have that happiness, after what I had done."

Instinctively Jack reached over and touched her shoulder. "I thought you had gotten past all that, especially when you moved in."

"I thought so too." She said softly as she looked at him. "Old habits, huh?"

Jack let out a small breath. He wasn't sure how to respond to that. Didn't know what to say to make her understand that she had deserved to be happy…still did. But as he flashed briefly to the Kate he had seen earlier, the one around his daughter, he realized that she was happy…that motherhood had brought that belief back to her. She know seemed to be grasping the idea that it was okay for her to have a good life.

He let out another sigh. "You know, all that still doesn't explain why you didn't tell me when she was born. My God, Kate, I had a daughter I didn't know about." He said emotionally. "I should have been there. Been there when she was born, to hold her, count all her fingers and toes."

"You're right." Kate choked out. "You should have been there. I took that away from you and I know that I can't give it back…ever." She wiped at the new set of tears that started to fall. "I know that you must hate me…"

"I don't hate you." Jack interrupted as he looked at her.

"You don't?" She squeaked out, taken totally by surprise by his statement.

"While I'm angry and confused as hell and I won't pretend to agree with what you did, I don't hate you." Jack explained. "You're the mother of my child."

"So, you forgive me?" She asked hopefully.

"Maybe with time," He replied. "But right now, the best I can do is to try and understand. Put it aside and hopefully move on, if only for Emma's sake."

A part of Kate felt immediate disappointment at his explanation, but she nodded. "Okay."

"Besides, I had a part in all of this mess too." He added.

Eyes wide Kate looked over at him. "What? How?"

"I never should have gone along with the whole stupid marriage idea in the first place." He walked over to the couch and leaned on the arm rest. "The person I'm most mad at is myself. I should have come up with a different solution, a way to help Sarah that didn't involve losing you." He dropped his gaze to his feet.

"Jack, I didn't give you much of a choice." Kate reminded him.

"That doesn't mean we couldn't have worked something else out." He replied bringing his gaze back up to hers. Standing up he walked over and stood in front of her. "At the very least I should have gone to Vegas like I wanted to and brought you back." He said softly.

Kate felt a rush go through her body at his nearness and his words. Nervously she brought her left hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Jack spotted the ring and it was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on him.

Swallowing hard he took a couple of steps back and cleared his throat. "But I guess that's the past, can't change it."

Kate was confused by his sudden change of demeanor but didn't say anything.

"I think the best thing is to concentrate on Emma, on building a relationship with her." He told Kate. "But I can't do that with me in L.A. and her here."

Kate became fearful at his statement. Was he going to tell her he was planning on suing for custody. "Meaning what?" She spit out somewhat defensively.

If Jack noticed her tone he chose to ignore it. "I'm going to take a leave of absence." He explained. "They've been after me to take some time off since Sarah died. I think this is a good time to do it. I need to spend some time to get to know my little girl."

"You're staying in Seattle?"

"Well, I'll have to go back and get things squared away and pick up some things, but yeah."

Before Kate could respond further the house phone rang. She thought for a moment about letting the machine get it, but then thought better. "Hello?"

"Hey Beautiful, how are you?" Phillip greeted cheerfully.

Glancing briefly at Jack, Kate excused herself and turned her back slightly to him. "Hi."

"So, I'm back in town and I can't wait to see you." He told her. "Put on something sexy 'cause I'm taking you to dinner."

Kate took a deep breath. "This probably isn't a good time." She told him.

"What? Of course it is." Phillip insisted. "I've missed you and this trip was a success, so we need to celebrate. I'm not taking no for an answer. Now, can Claire babysit or do I need to hire a siiter?"

"No, Claire's off, but…"

"Great. I'll be by around seven and we'll have a great time."

Not wanting to get into it with him in front of Jack, Kate tried to put him off for the moment. "Let me call you back, okay?"

But Phillip missed the tone in her voice as a clue that something was going on. "Don't worry about it, babe. I'll just see you at 7." He replied quickly. "I've got to catch my other line. Love you, bye."

"Bye." Kate sighed and hung up the phone. She turned around and found the room empty. "Jack?" She called out as she walked out of the room to an equally empty dining room.

Figuring he probably stepped out to the restroom she retreated back to the living room. Thinking about her phone call with Phillip she realized that she was going to have to tell him that Jack was here in town and planning on sticking around for awhile. She just wished that he had listened to her and not insisted on going to dinner that evening.

"Hey," Jack said as he walked back into the room.

"Hey."

"I went ahead and made my travel arrangements. I booked a flight back to L.A. for tomorrow evening." He announced .

"So soon?" Kate replied in surprised.

He nodded. "I need to go into the hospital Monday morning and talk to the Chief of Staff about the leave. Plus, I've got to clear my calendar and get my cases reassigned."

"Oh, okay."

"Plus, I need to pack and get my car ready to drive back here." He pointed out.

"Do you want to plan on staying here." She offered almost shyly. "I'm sure that Claire and Sawyer won't mind."

"Thanks, but I'll just work on getting an apartment or something with a short term lease." Jack said. "It'll work out better that way."

Kate hid her disappointment. "Sure, okay."

They stood there for a moment in uncomfortable silence, not sure what to say next or who would speak up first.

"So…"Kate started but then stopped when she realized she didn't know what she was going to say next.

"Ahum…well…"Jack said then trailed off as well. Glancing at each other the two broke out into a grin at their mutual failure to start up a conversation. They were saved when the front door opened and Claire walked in followed by a sad looking Emma and Sawyer carrying Aaron.

**TBC**

A/N: I know it's kind of an odd place to end the chapter, but I had to break it off somewhere and this seemed the best place.

_**Coming Up: As requested – some Jamily time. **_


	45. Ch 45 This Woman and This Man

_**A/N: Hey Everybody here's the next installment as promised. Thank you so so much for all your comments - you guys totally rock. And your quick responses really push me to continue writing this story. Sorry, I didn't get it up sooner, but I was still a bit dazed after Thursday's episode! Eeeeeee!! I'm still squealing over what they showed us - good and bad. I still can't believe they gave us an entire episode of Jate including scenes that looked like they were pulled from fan fics! Go Jaters!! Once again, please let me know what you think of this chapter. Thanks again!!**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song This Woman and This Man sung by Clay Walker**_

**CHAPTER 45 - This Woman and This Man**

_**Tryin' so hard just to talk to you  
Haven't heard half of what you want me to  
Hurt so bad over where we've been  
Don't know how not to go back there again  
I know what I wanna say  
Can I get it through to you now  
In some other way...like**_

There was this woman and there was this man  
There was this moment they had a chance to hold on to what they had  
How could they be so in love and still never see  
Now nothin' could be sadder than  
This woman and this man

A stranger's eyes in a lover's face  
See no signs of a better time and place  
Have we lost the key to an open door  
I feel the need to reach out to you even more  
It's a circle we're goin' 'round  
If we don't get us out from under  
It's gonna take us down

There was this woman and there was this man  
There was this moment they had a chance to hold on to what they had  
How could they be so in love and still never see  
Now nothin' could be sadder than  
This woman and this man

For all we've got to lose there's so much to gain  
If we come this far and leave it behind  
There's only you and me to blame

"I'm so sorry if we came back too early, "Claire told the two adults. "But Emma's not feeling well."

"What's wrong?" Kate asked immediately as the little girl made her way over to her mother and gestured to be picked up.

"I'm not sure." Claire said. "She seemed fine when we left, but then a little while ago she started complaining that she didn't feel good."

Kate leaned over and touched her lips to the little girl's forehead. "She's got a temperature." She said as Claire nodded in agreement.

Hearing that Jack moved over and gently touched Emma's cheek.

"Hi, daddy." The little girl said softly.

"Hey angel, you don't feel well, huh?" he asked in a gently voice.

Emma shook her head and then laid it down on Kate's shoulder, her little arms wrapped around her mother's neck.

"Does your head hurt?" he asked while he continued to stroke her cheek. Emma nodded yes. "How about your tummy? Do you have a tummy ache?"

"A wittle." She replied as she reached up and grabbed her earlobe, something Kate knew she did when she wasn't feeling well.

"Okay," Jack replied. "How about we take your temperature?" He looked up at Kate who nodded.

"I've got a thermometer in the bathroom." She told him then, with Emma still in her arms, led him down the hall to her and Emma's room.

Placing the little girl on her bed Kate went into the bathroom and returned a moment later with the thermometer which she handed to Jack. Talking to her in a calming voice Jack took Emma's temperature noting it was 101.2, and quickly checked her ears and throat with a penlight.

"How about Mommy gets you into your pajamas and you get into bed?" Jack suggested. When Emma nodded he stood up and pulled Kate to the side. "She's got a fever – 101."

Kate nodded. "I…ahum…I think we're out of Tylenol and…uhum…I can go to the store." She said quickly, worry written all over her face.

Jack shook his head. "No, I'll go. You stay here and get her comfortable."

"You'll need directions to the drug store." Kate pointed out, but her put his hand up to stop her.

"I'll just take Sawyer with me." He told her. "Just put her to bed and maybe get a hot water bottle on her stomach, if her stomach is still bothering her."

"We don't have one." Kate said cursing herself for not having a basic item like that on hand.

But Jack just nodded. "That's okay, I can pick one up. She probably won't even need it."

"It's not serious, is it?" Kate asked concern laced in her voice.

Glancing back at their daughter Jack shook his head. "She probably just came down with a mild case of the flu…she might have an earache too." Jack reassured her. "Did she eat lunch?"

"Not like she usually does. She was picking at her food more than anything." Kate revealed. "I just thought she was excited about…well, everything that's going on."

Jack recognized the tone of mother's guilt in her voice. He had come across it before when his patient's were young. "Don't worry about it. Just get her into some loose clothing and put her to bed." Jack instructed. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Leaving Kate to tend to Emma for the moment, Jack went out to the living room and located Sawyer. Explaining the situation he asked the southerner to ride with him to the nearest drug store. Thirty minutes later the two returned with a bag of supplies and medicine.

Jack walked quietly into the room and found Kate sitting on the side of the bed gently stroking Emma's forehead and softly singing to the child in the softly lit room.

_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Bluebirds fly  
Birds fly over the rainbow  
Why then, oh why can't I?  
Some day I'll wish upon a star  
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me  
Where troubles melt like lemondrops  
Away above the chimney tops  
That's where you'll find me _

Jack broke into a small smile as he stood back and watched the scene before him in wonderment. He marveled at how natural it looked for Kate to be sitting there comforting her daughter…their daughter. She displayed such a loving easiness when Jack watched her and Emma interact. They seem to have an amazing bond, mother and daughter, and he only hoped that he would be able to have something similar with Emma in the future.

"I can see you there, you know." Kate suddenly said softly, never raising her gaze from the bed.

With a boyish grin he quietly walked up the two. "How's she doing?" he asked in a low voice.

"The same." Kate replied as she pushed herself off the bed.

Digging into the bag he pulled out the container of children's Tylenol and he handed the bag to Kate. "I got some orange juice for her. Can you pour her a glass?"

"Sure." With that Kate stepped out to grab a glass from the kitchen. Jack meanwhile, turned his attention to his little patient. "Hey Emma."

"Hi Daddy." Emma replied softly.

"I brought some medicine to make you better, okay?"

"k"

Slipping off his shoes Jack lifted her up gently and then slipped into the bed placing Emma in his lap, leaning her back against his chest. Expertly, he poured out the correct dosage of medicine and with a soft kiss to her temple and some gentle words he had Emma swallow the liquid. Wrapping his arm securely around her small frame Jack hugged Emma into his chest.

"You'll feel better soon, Angel." He told her as the little girl snuggled into his chest and closed her eyes. To Emma, other than her mother's arms, she couldn't think of a better place to be…especially when she didn't feel good.

Kate was on her way back out of the kitchen when the front door bell rang. Closest t it she yelled out a quick "I got it" and went to see who it was.

"Hey, honey…" Phillip started to greet her with a kiss then noticed her attire. "You're not dressed"

'Oh damn' Kate cursed silently. She had completely forgotten about dinner. "Phillip, hi…" she automatically stepped aside to let him in.

Leaning over Phillip gave her the kiss he started to earlier. "You'd better go change. I'll call the restaurant and have them hold the reservation."

Kate shook her head. "I can't go." She told him. "Emma is sick."

"Really? How sick?"

Kate was a little surprised by his question. "Well, she has a fever and was complaining of a headache and stomach ache."

Phillip let out a sigh. "Doesn't sound too bad. Can't Claire watch her? She is a nurse after all."

Kate bristled at his suggestion. "Claire isn't her mother!" She replied angrily. "I can't believe you're suggesting leaving my sick daughter just to go out to dinner."

Phillip quickly put his hands up. "I'm sorry, honey, I didn't mean it that way." He said quickly. "I just thought maybe it would be okay for a couple of hours. I mean you still got to eat."

Kate shook her head, but didn't say anything. She tensed up when Phillip reached for her hand a moment later. Bringing it up to his lips he kissed her knuckles and gave her a small smile. "You're right, I am being an insensitive jerk." He said.

"I wasn't thinking that." Kate lied pulling her hand away but forming a smile at his gesture.

Phillip broke into a bigger smile. "Sure, you were and you're right. I am an insensitive jerk. I was thinking about myself and how much I missed you while I was gone. I should have seen that you're worried about Emma."

Kate nodded, happy that Phillip was understanding of the situation after all. "Thanks."

"No problem." He replied slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her in for a hug. "I'm sure she'll be better tomorrow."

"Yeah, hope so." Kate nodded against his shoulder. "I'd better go and check on her."

Releasing her Phillip kissed her cheek. "I'm sure you don't want me sticking around. I'm not good with sick kids."

Kate nodded, her smile tight, knowing what or rather who was in the bedroom with Emma. "That's okay, don't worry about it."

She walked him to the door and gave him a goodnight kiss promising to call the next day. Sighing deeply she leaned against the door as she closed it behind him.

"So, any particular reason why you didn't tell Ol' Phil that Doc was in town?" Sawyer's voice came from behind startling Kate.

"Jeez, Sawyer, you scared me." Kate exclaimed. When Sawyer stood there with a curious smirk on his face her eyes narrowed. "Were you eavesdropping?" She asked tersely.

"No, " he denied. "I just figured he left here without too much of a fuss, considering he was stood up, so he must not know the ex is here."

"I didn't stand him up." Kate replied grabbing the glass of juice she had placed on the entry table earlier. "Emma's sick."

Sawyer leaned his frame against the wall and crossed his arms. "And not telling him about Jack being here?"

Kate shot him a glare. "Not that this is any of your business, but I didn't think this was the right time and place to discuss that." She started to walk past him. "I'd prefer to do it when we don't have an audience."

Entering the bedroom quietly a few moments later she came up on the image of Jack sitting up in bed with his eyes closed and Emma curled up against his chest. He little fist grasping his t-shirt. It made Kate with that in that moment she had her camera handy.

Sensing she had come into the room Jack slowly opened his eyes and his fingers started tracing small circles along Emma's back. He gave Kate a soft smile. "Hey."

Placing the glass of juice on the table near the bed Kate squatted down next to the two and gently brushed her fingers through Emma's bangs. "Did she get her medicine?" she whispered.

"I gave her the dose. It'll take a little bit to work on the fever. She's still pretty warm." Jack told her in the same hushed tone.

"Poor baby." Kate commented as her fingers brushed lightly against the warm skin of Emma's forehead. "So, do you think she's got an ear infection?"

"She wasn't complaining about her ear, so it's probably just the flu bug." Jack replied. "Her fever hasn't gone up any higher, so that's a good sign."

At that point Emma stirred. Opening her eyes she looked at Kate with a small smile. Kate returned the smile. "Hey, baby," she said softly caressing Emma's cheek with her finger. "You still feel sick?"

The little girl nodded and quickly pushed herself up from Jack's lap and slipped into her mother's warm embrace. Kissing her temple Kate stood up and slowly rocked Emma in her arms.

Standing up from the bed Jack grabbed the glass of orange juice. "Emma, here's some juice. Can you drink a little?"

She shook her head no. "It hurts." She said pointing to her throat.

"I know, but if you drink some juice it'll help you get better faster." He reasoned. Unfortunately for the young surgeon he had limited experience in trying to reason with a 3 year old. Instead of answering Emma laid her head on Kate's shoulder and slipped her thumb into her mouth.

"You want to try?" Jack asked Kate.

Nodding she sat down on the bed and settled Emma onto her lap. Taking the glass from Jack she leaned close to the child's ear. "Doodle Bug, I know you don't feel well, but your daddy's right, you need to drink some juice so you'll feel better." She said softly placing light kisses on her temple. "Can you drink some for me, please?" A few more words of encouragement and Emma lifted her head and took several sips of the juice.

Exchanging a smile of satisfaction with Kate, Jack gently padded Emma's back. "I forgot you were good at the whole whisper in the ear thing." He teased.

Kate smirked. "I think I've pretty much perfected it."

After giving Emma a little more juice Kate laid her back in the bed and pulled the covers up. "Close your eyes." She instructed then leaned over and kissed Emma's forehead, still worried over the heat that radiated from it. "Get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy." Emma replied drowsily.

Stepping up Jack leaned over and left a kiss on his daughter's cheek. "I'll come check on you in a little while." He told her lovingly.

"K, Daddy."

Walking over to the corner of the room Kate stood in front of Jack. "Think she'll sleep?"

He nodded confidently. "Yeah, she's pretty wiped out and the medicine's making her sleepy too." He glanced back at the sleeping child. "We'll check her temperature in a couple of hours and see how she's doing."

Kate nodded feeling assured that Emma would be fine by morning. Before she could say anything her stomach rumbled. She blushed. "Sorry."

Jack chuckled at her embarrassment. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Does a pretzel at lunch count?"

Before Jack could scold her for skipping a proper lunch his stomach decided to join in and rumble as well. This time both of them broke into a giggle, hushing quickly so as to not wake Emma.

"Guess I'm not the only one." Kate commented.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment and both turned and saw Claire sticking her head in. "Hey Guys, how's she doing?"

"Okay," Kate replied in a low voice. "She just fell asleep."

"Well, that's good," Claire replied in a matching tone. "Listen, I thought you might be getting hungry…we ordered pizza."

Jack and Kate looked at each other and grinned. _Talk about good timing._

"We were just discussing that." Jack told Claire.

"Good," Claire gestured to them to follow. "We've got a couple of pizzas, some breadsticks and an order of wings."

They followed the blonde out to the dining room where the food had been set out. After eating and relaxing for a little bit, Jack excused himself to go check on Emma. Finding her still asleep he gently placed the thermometer in her ear and took her temperature. Frowning when he saw that it hadn't gone down as much as he expected he laid the back of his hand on her forehead and then as habit, he took her pulse. While she felt warm her pulse was strong and steady.

A moment later Emma stirred and opened her eyes and spying Jack she smiled. "Hi Daddy."

Smiling at her Jack kneeled down next to the bed. "Hey" he said in a low voice. "Are you feeling better?"

Emma shook her head.

"Not even a little better?" Jack brought his forefinger and thumb together to where they were almost touching.

This time the little girl nodded. "A little"

"Does your tummy still hurt?"

Emma shook her head. "No."

"That's good." Jack reached up and caressed her head. "How about your throat? Does it hurt to swallow?"

The little girl nodded and brought her fingers up to mimic Jack's earlier gesture. "It hurts a wittle."

Jack let out a chuckle. "Okay, well, it's time for you to take some more medicine and I brought you some more juice." He pushed himself off of the floor and grabbed the medicine.

By the time Kate joined them a short time later Jack had given Emma her dose of medicine and had gotten her to drink the juice. Appreciative of the care and attention Jack was giving their daughter she sat down on the bed cradling the little girl while Jack gave her a quick update.

"I set up the bed in the den for you." Kate told him after.

Glancing at his watch Jack realized it was later than he had thought. "Thanks." He told her giving her a small smile in appreciation.

"You're welcome. Besides, it's starting to rain so it's probably not a good idea to be out in the storm." She further explained.

He laughed lightly. "They weren't kidding about how rainy Seattle gets, were they?"

"Eh…you get used to it." She joked back.

Kate's gentle rocking motions had caused Emma to fall back asleep evident by the light intermittent snoring that was coming from her.

Sitting on the bed next to them Jack smirked. "She snores?" he asked surprised.

Smoothing down her bangs Kate nodded. "Only when she's really tired."

Looking down at the sleeping angel in Kate's arms he gently reached over and caressed Emma's cheek. "She must have gotten that from you." He said, a teasing note in his voice. Glancing up he caught the surprised look on her face.

"I do not snore." Kate replied, indignant at his suggestion.

Jack nodded his head as he looked down. "Sure you do," he looked back over at her with a somewhat serious look on his face. "But…only…when…you're…really…tired."

"Ha. Ha." Kate bent down and placed a light kiss on Emma's head. "This from a man who's snoring could knock the pictures off the wall." She deadpanned.

The moment of levity was followed by awkwardness of the memory of how they had come to know this intimate bit of information about each other.

"Well, I'd better let you two get to bed." Jack finally said, stand up.

Kate nodded and slowly stood with Emma still in her arms.

"Here, let me get that." Jack pulled back the bed covers and watched as Kate put the little girl into bed, careful not to wake her. "Can you grab her rabbit?" Kate pointed at the stuffed animal on Emma's bed. "She likes to sleep with Snuggle."

"She should be better in the morning." Jack assured Kate as her handed her the toy.

"Okay, well, I guess I'll see you in the morning, then." Kate replied and with a quiet goodnight watched as Jack left the room.

When she woke in the morning she found a still sleeping Emma curled up against her with Snuggle still wrapped up in her arms. What surprised Kate was Jack sleeping in the chair in the corner.

'_He must have come back in during the night' s_he thought to herself. Not wanting to wake either one she quietly slipped out of bed and out the room. Making her way into the kitchen she put on a pot of coffee. Grabbing a tray she warmed up some cinnamon rolls and after pouring some orange juice for Emma and coffee for her and Jack she made her way back into the room, grabbing the newspaper from the front stoop on her way.

With a mug of coffee in her hand she gently shook Jack awake. With a jolt he woke and blinked several times to focus on his surroundings.

"Good Morning." Kate greeted.

Clearing his throat he nodded and sat up straighter. "Morning." He glanced behind her at the bed. "She still asleep?"

"Yeah," Kate glanced back for a moment before returning her gaze to the handsome doctor. "How did you end up in the chair?"

Spying the mug in her hand Jack's eyes widened. "is that coffee?"

With a grin she handed him the mug and watched as he took a long sip of the hot beverage.

"So…" She asked pointing at the chair.

"Oh, I came in earlier to check her temperature and she woke up. She asked me to stay until she fell asleep again." He explained casually. "I must have fallen asleep myself."

Touched that he was looking after Emma so well, she nodded. "Sorry, I didn't wake up."

"You were probably pretty tired." Jack took a sip of his coffee. "I think I heard a snore or two…"he looked at her with just a hint of a smile.

Without thinking Kate reached over and smacked him on the shoulder. "I was not snoring."

"Okay, okay, if you say so." He chuckled. "Maybe it was the rabbit making the noise."

"You know," she shot him a look. "Just for that you get no cinnamon bun." She pointed to the plate on the nightstand.

Before Jack could protest Emma had woken up and sat up rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her parents quickly went over to access her health. The little girl smiled brightly and announced that she was feeling much better. Her temperature had returned to normal and with no sign of a stomach ache or sore throat she happily ate one of the cinnamon rolls.

After securing a 'Kate doesn't snore' statement from Jack, Kate offered him a roll while she went out and returned a couple of minutes later with the newspaper. While the rest of the household slept in Kate and Jack read the paper while Emma blissfully colored, happy to have the company of both her parents.

Lunch time rolled around and everyone piled into their cars and drove to a restaurant to eat. It was a relaxing time and Claire and Kate couldn't get over how well Jack and Sawyer seemed to be getting along. They even spent some time playing with Aaron and his new toy showing him how to maneuver the little car around the living room and dining area.

Wanting to see Emma before he left Jack waited until the little girl woke from her nap to announce that he had to return to the hotel to get his things ready for the flight back to L.A.

Emma was upset by the news and it took Jack and Kate a bit to explain why he was going and to promise that he would return as soon as he could.

"You pwomise?" Emma sniffled as she sat on Jack's lap.

"I promise, Angel." He nodded. "I'll come back in a few days and then we can spend more time together, okay?"

Brightening up at the idea Emma broke into a big smile. "Okay."

Satisfied that she would be good with his leaving he stood up and placed her on the floor. He extended his hand to her. "Walk me to the door." He told her.

With goodbyes to everyone else he walked to the door.

"Jack, wait!" Kate called from behind him. She came walking up with what looked like an album. Shyly, she handed it to him. "I…ahum…this is a journal I kept when I was pregnant." She explained. "I thought you might want to read it while you're on the plane."

Jack faced registered surprise. "Your journal? Kate, that's private…" he started to say.

But the brunette shook her head. "No, it's not." She pushed the book into his hand. "It was written to you." She felt her cheeks color as Jack looked down at the book that was titled _'Baby Journal'_ on the front.

"Written to me?"

She nodded again. "Just things going on with the baby and stuff like that. There's some pictures too."

Jack had to admit he wasn't expecting something like this and he was touched. Looking over at her he gave her a smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She replied in an almost whisper as she gazed at those so familiar warm brown eyes. Jack felt himself holding her gaze for a moment longer than necessary. Catching himself he cleared his throat and looked at his watch.

"I'd better get moving if I want to catch my plane." He said quickly, making his way to the door. With one more hug from Emma he jumped into the rental car and made his way to the hotel. He'd have just enough time for a shower before having to head off to the airport.

**TBC**

**A/N: Phillip learns about Jack**


	46. Ch 46 Angel To Me

A/N:

_**A/N: OMG!! I can't believe how long I've taken to update. I am so sorry. I have been writing this story (as well as a couple of others) but I haven't sat myself down to type out what I've written. And I also had a bit trouble with the start of this chapter, not sure how I could get it to play out the way I wanted it to. Still not sure. Seeing how bad I've been I'm shooting to post another chapter up in the next couple of days – provided you guys are still out there reading!! Hey, at least these are long chapters I post, right? wink**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song**_** nor do I own the song Angel to Me by T.J. Loughran. **

_**CHAPTER 47 - ANGEL TO ME**_

**_You'll always be an angel my darling  
You'll always be an angel to me  
Down from heaven you came  
and so it shall remain  
that you'll always be an Angel to Me_**

**_As long as the stars shine above me  
As long as they're shining on me  
I'll love you so  
to me you are the most  
perfect angel that I've ever seen_**

**_Some say dreams are only for dreamers  
I say they're here for me and you  
and right here at this start  
with all of my heart I hope  
that all of your precious dreams come true_**

**_I loved you the moment I saw you  
I love you to this very day  
I'm so proud of you now  
I'd like to show you how  
and I hope I can show you someway_**

**_You'll always be an angel my darling  
You'll always be an angel to me  
Down from heaven you came  
and so it shall remain  
that you'll always be an angel to me_**

**_yes, you'll always be an angel to me_**

_Dear Jack,_

_I felt our baby moved today for the first time. It was just some fluttering but it was unbelievable. I was at a store in the baby department – I bought the baby its first little outfit and while I was paying I felt it. It's funny but it seems more real now – that there's a little person growing inside of me, a little part of you and me. I wish you were here though, to share this, to put your hand on my bump and maybe feel the baby move too._

_I love you._

_Dear Jack,_

_I went to the doctor today and found out we're having a girl!! Can you believe that? It's a girl and she's beautiful and healthy. I even got to listen to her heartbeat. The doctor said it was strong and steady…just like her dad's I thought._

_I don't know what it was about actually seeing our baby on that machine's screen but it made it so much more real. There's a baby coming soon and I'm going to be a mother. I'm scared Jack. I don't know if I know how to be a mom. What if I mess up or if she starts crying and I don't know what to do? Claire tells me that she was just as scared before she had Aaron, but that it changes after the baby comes. Mother's Instinct she called it. I hope she's right._

_The doctor gave me two copies of the sonogram picture. I'm sending one to my dad – he is so excited about becoming a grandfather and he thrilled to hear that it's a girl! Said he's going to spoil her rotten. He's already started. But you know, after every thing I put him through I'm glad that I'm finally able to make him happy…a chance to make up. The other picture I'm putting right here in this baby book…for you…that way when you're back in our lives you'll be able to see our daughter's very first picture._

_I love you Jack. You are going to be such a great dad._

He ran his fingers over the grainy photo for the umpteenth time since opening the book and gave a small smile. Emma's first picture…and, he thought, she looked beautiful.

_Dear Jack,_

_I am having the strongest cravings for cheeseburgers. Big, juicy burgers with the cheese all melted and onions smothered on top. I found this place here in Seattle that has the best burgers, it's called Rudy's and it's run by this nice couple, Rudy and June, who kind of remind me a bit of Bernard and Rose. They've been very sweet to me and I enjoy visiting with them when I go there. It's nice to have a friendly place to go. Maybe I'll take you there sometime._

_Love, _

_Kate_

_Dear Jack,_

_I'm down to my last month and I can't wait. I feel bloated, round and puffy and I swear I've started to waddle now when I walk. If you don't believe me I'm sticking a picture Charlie insisted on taking of me yesterday – a side view! And when you see this the word 'fat' better not even pop into your head._

_I'd better go now Aaron just came in and he wants me to read to him. _

_I love you Jack._

There was a picture of a very pregnant Kate standing sideways with her hands on either side of her belly and a smile on her face. Jack felt a pang in his heart at the idea that he had missed out on Kate's entire pregnancy. Here she was pregnant with his child and he should have been the one taking her picture and getting up late at night for her cravings.

He had read most of the journal on the plane and then again when he had arrived home, absorbing her words and descriptions and staring at the photos and mementos she had included in the pages of the book. He was saddened by how much he had missed out on, but touched that Kate had chosen a way to try and preserve the experiences for him. He was especially moved by this entry…

_Dear Jack,_

_Our daughter was born yesterday morning at 3:47a.m. She's 19" long and weighs 6lbs 2 ozs. I named her Emma Samantha Shepard. She's beautiful with a head of dark hair and these sweet little cheeks. I'm not sure what color her eyes are going to be yet – the nurse says all babies are usually born with these bluish grey color and then they change over the next couple of days. But she has your mouth and my nose._

_The nurse brought her in to stay with me last night and all I did was sit there holding her and watching her sleep. I kept thinking about what an incredible miracle she is. She's so perfect – her little hands and tiny fingers and her little toes too. I can't get over it. And she's ours. I already love her so much I can't believe it. _

_Here's her first "official" photo that the hospital took. Check out the pink bow they put on her I don't think she likes it very much. Love, Kate. _

Jack had stared at this picture until the image had almost blurred for a moment. This tiny little baby with a button nose and a tuff of hair held to the side by a small pink bow was now the happy little girl, with long wavy hair and a spackle of freckles across her nose that was calling him daddy and looking at him with such affection that it had overwhelmed him at times. It may have only been a couple of days since he had learned of the news and met his daughter, but he already understood the bond that fathers should feel for their children. He was willing to go up against anything or anyone to protect this little girl...to make sure no harm came to her.

Shaking his head at how sappy he was sounding he continued to flip through the pages again chuckling to himself at some of her observations and comments. She wrote about all the changes, all the symptoms, good and bad, including more of her cravings and weird reactions to certain foods. When he was done he popped in the CD marked "Sonogram – 8th month" that Kate had tucked into the back of the book. He watched in awe as Emma's heartbeat flickered and beat on the video smiling as he made out her tiny thumb placed squarely in her mouth.

He had to admit that while he was hurt on what he had missed out it. He hadn't been there for the first sonogram or to feel the baby's first kicks. He had missed out on being awoken at 1am for one of her cravings or to be there to reassure her that she wasn't fat, she was beautiful. And he hadn't been there to coach her through labor and be there to witness the birth of his child.

That had been a difficult pill for Jack to swallow, but he knew that he had to move past all that anger and hurt if this was going to work. But the book did make him feel better about her earlier assertions that she had never intended to cut him out of the baby's life. Her entries were proof of that. She had referred to the child as "theirs" and being a family. So, for their daughter's sake, he had to let go of those feelings and work with Kate together as parents.

A jingle of the door handle caught Jack's attention and a moment later he was greeted with the arrival of Marc, who had just finished a shift at the firehouse.

"Can't believe you're back so soon, man." Marc commented as he poured himself a cup of coffee and joined Jack at the table.

"I'm going back." Jack replied as he closed the baby journal and pushed it off to the side. "I came back to get some of my stuff and square things away." He looked at his friend's confused face. "I'm taking a leave of absence from the hospital so I can spend some time up in Seattle."

Marc was surprised. "Are you serious? How long are you going to be gone?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders as he took a sip from his coffee mug. "Not sure." He admitted. "As long a it takes to get to know my daughter and figure things out, I guess."

"And how does Kate feel about you going back up there?" Marc inquired.

"She seems okay with it." Jack concluded. "She wants me to have a relationship with Emma."

"And how's the fiancé feel?" Marc asked, emphasizing the word _'fiancé'_

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea. We didn't talk about him."

"I can't imagine he'd be too thrilled to have you back in the picture. I mean that has to complicate things."

Jack thumped the table with his hand. "Frankly, I don't care if he likes it or not! I intended to be a part of Emma's life complications or not."

Marc nodded his head then briefly glanced down at the table deciding it was best to let that part of the conversation drop. After a moment he looked up with a small smile. "So, you bring back any pictures of the newest Shephard?"

Breaking out into a smile himself Jack reached into the inside cover of the baby journal and pulled out a small white envelope, another surprise Kate had tucked in the book. He pulled out four recent photos of Emma that she had given him.

Marc shifted through the photos still in awe somewhat that he was looking at his best friend's daughter. There were a couple of Emma by a small lake near some ducks that she appeared to be feeding. Another one with a blonde little boy sitting at a table eating cake. But the one Marc liked the best was of the little girl dressed in a pink leotard and matching tights. Grinning he flipped the picture up to face Jack. "She's a cutie, Jack." He commented. "Got a lot of Kate in her."

Jack nodded proudly. "Yeah, she's pretty sweet."

Marc looked at the picture a moment longer. "I still can't believe you got a daughter, man."

"Yeah, I'm still getting use to the idea myself." Jack picked up one of the photos and stared at it. "These last few days have had a surreal feel to them."

Reaching for his coffee Marc took a sip as he studied his friend. He knew the apprehension Jack had had in the past about having children. It had been one of the issues in his marriage to Sarah. She was pushing to have a baby and Jack…wasn't.

"You know, you're going to make a good father, don't you?" Marc commented.

Jack's eyes widen in surprise at the comment. "What?"

"I mean it," Marc said in a little more firmer tone. "I know Christian wasn't father of the year material, but you still turned out alright."

"Doesn't mean I know what I'm doing." Jack mumbled.

Marc threw his hands up. "What first time father does? I mean, it's not like kids come with a manual. You learn as you go."

"And if I screw up?"

"You screw up and you move on. You're going to make mistakes, that's a given." Marc stood up and went over to the counter to refill his coffee mug. "The important thing is that you love you daughter and you try and do what's best for her."

Jack let out a small chuckle as he shook his head in amazement of his friend's advice. "You've been watching Oprah again, haven't you?"

The red headed man blushed lightly. "Kenny always turns it on at the firehouse, but that's beside the point." He said quickly.

"So, the point would be?" Jack asked amused.

"That we're not our fathers." Marc replied seriously. "And we've got the advantage of not making the same mistakes they did."

Not quite convinced but not wanting to start a fight with his best friend, Jack nodded and gave him a quick 'thanks' before excusing himself to go to the hospital.

_Seattle_

Kate checked her reflection one more time in the mirror as she waited for Phillip to pick her up. It was the day after Jack had left for L.A. and she was meeting Phillip for dinner to tell him about the latest developments. She wasn't sure how he was going to react to the news that Jack was coming to stay in Seattle for an indefinite period of time. Kate had to admit she had been surprised by his plan. She had expected that he would have tried to get her to move back to L.A. or make moves to seek joint custody. She hadn't expected that he would uproot his life to be near his daughter to get to know her better before deciding anything long term. But she did have to admit that she was impressed by his gesture. Typical Jack, she thought, putting another person ahead of himself.

The buzz of the doorbell brought Kate out of her thoughts. She greeted her fiancé cheerfully with a kiss before heading into the livingroom. There she found Sawyer seated between the two children watching a cartoon. Smirking she walked over and gave him a light thump on the shoulder.

"I'm leaving." She announced.

"Okay." Sawyer replied without looking away from the television.

Directing her attention to her daughter she smiled. "Do I get a hug good night?"

"Well, Freckles, if you insist…" Sawyer quipped as he looked over at her and put his arms up.

She shot him a side glance. "I meant Emma."

"Party pooper." He replied with a flash of dimples, as he caught Phillip standing at the entrance to the room. "Oh hey, Phil."

"James," the man replied tersely. _Why he insisted with 'Phil' he'd never know._

Emma, meanwhile, stood up and hugged her mother tightly.

Giving her a kiss on her forehead, Kate placed her hands on either side of the child's face. "you be a good girl for Sawyer, okay?"

Emma nodded. "Okay."

Leaning over Kate whispered in her ear. "Can you say hello to Phillip?"

Nodding again Emma looked over at the man. "Hello" She said before turning her gaze back to her mother.

"Hello Emma." Phillip replied noting that the little girl's attention had already returned back to her mother.

Giving Emma one more quick hug and kiss Kate turned her attention back to the designated sitter. "She had her bath. Make sure she goes to bed In the next hour." Kate instructed.

'Sure, Freckles." Sawyer replied, his eyes still on the Yosemite Sam cartoon.

"Sawyer." Kate warned.

He turned and looked at her. "I heard, I heard." He told her. "This ain't the first time I've done this, you know. Besides Claire will be home in half an hour, I think I can manage until then."

Sighing Kate nodded. "Okay, then. You guys have a good night."

A short time later they were in Phillip's Lexus making their way to the restaurant he had made reservations at.

"You know, I wish he would stop calling me Phil." The sandy haired man complained.

"It's just the way Sawyer is." Kate replied with a shrug. "He likes nicknames."

"Yeah, so I see…Freckles." Phillip retorted. His tone acidy as he said the word 'Freckles'.

Kate laughed. "He's called me that since the first time we met on the island. I don't even think he knew my name for the first couple of days."

"Maybe, but it implies a certain sense of intimacy." Phillip told her.

Wanting to reassure him Kate reached over and laid her hand on his forearm. "It's just a nickname, Phillip." She told him. "It's not a big deal. He gives everybody one."

"So I'm finding out." He replied gruffly.

"So, where's this place we're going to eat?" Kate asked quickly changing the subject.

Phillip broke out into a smile. "It's great. I think you'll really like it. They have indoor water fountains in several different locations between the tables. And they have their own on site bakery in one corner where they make all their bread fresh."

"Oh, I bet that smells wonderful." Kate replied with a smile. Fresh baked bread was one of her weaknesses. "You didn't tell me before what kind of food is it?"

"European."

Kate scrunched her face at his response.

"What?" Phillip asked as he maneuvered his vehicle through the traffic wishing he had ordered a service car for the night instead of driving himself.

"I'm not a big fan of French food." Kate reminded him. "It can get too rich for my stomach."

"Oh, don't worry sweetheart, this is a varied menu. You'll like it, I promise." He told her.

The restaurant turned out to be a nice place with the atmosphere romantic. True to his description there were water fountains placed in various places in the dining area along with hundreds of candles, some even floating inside the tiers of the water fountains.

Sticking to soup and salad Kate enjoyed a light hearted conversation with Phillip choosing to keep the topic of Jack Shepard on the backburner until later. As the dessert cart came by Kate fought back her sweet tooth and passed on a rather rich looking piece of Black Forest cake. The piece was too big for her alone and splitting it with Phillip was out of the question since he was allergic to chocolate.

After they enjoyed another glass of wine Phillip suggested they return to his house to continue the evening. Figuring that would be the best time for them to talk Kate had no objection.

As she stood in front of the fireplace a short time later Kate ran her hand across the mantle that held a couple of decorative vases and some pictures of Phillip on vacation and with friends. Looking at one of him in particular where he was water skiing, she wondered how he was going to react to the news about Jack. He had asked very little about Jack or about her relationship with him. He had told her he preferred to focus on the here and now. At the time she had been grateful not to have to share any of the details with him. But now she was curious as to why he hadn't asked. She had certainly asked him questions about his former wife and their marriage even though he had given her limited information, only saying they had divorced because of conflicting lifestyles and lack of interest in each other.

"Hey, how about a fire?" Phillip suggested as he walked into the room reaching for the remote for the gas powered fireplace.

But Kate shook her head. "It's a little warm for a fire, don't you think?"

Pulling her into his embrace he gave her a cheesy smile. "I was hoping to set a romantic mood." He leaned in to kiss her, but Kate stopped him with her hand on his chest.

"Phillip, I really need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait until later?" he asked playfully.

Pulling out of his embrace she shook her head. "No, it's important."

Realizing he was not going to get anywhere he sighed and taking her hand walked her over to sit on the couch. "Okay, what's so important?" he asked when they settled in.

Kate nodded. "Okay…well, I wanted you to know what's going on with Emma's father."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…he was in Seattle this weekend. At the house actually."

"Oh really? He just showed up…just like that?"

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that, but he came and I told him about Emma." Kate explained. "He even met her."

Phillip was taken aback by her news. Kate's ex back in town was the last thing he expected. He just assumed the guy was gone for good. "How did he just show up? I mean he didn't contact you before?"

Kate exhaled. "No, he didn't contact me before. But he came to town because he thought that we needed to…I don't know…get closure. He didn't know about Emma until I told him."

"Humpf…" Phillip frowned, not sure he was, at all, liking this development. "So, how did he take finding out he was a dad?"

The brunette smiled. "He took it pretty good, but then again Jack does have a rather large capacity for understanding."

"Does he?" Phillip asked with a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"Yeah, he does." Kate replied failing to notice the tone. "He was mad, but he's working on getting past that if only for Emma's sake."

Phillip felt his body tense as Kate spoke. He had never been one to fall into jealousy fits. Most of the time he carried himself with an air of confidence and self assurance, but he wasn't sure he was happy about his fiancée's ex waltzing back into her life, even if it was only because of the daughter they shared. He had no idea what this man was like or what his real agenda was.

"So…ahum…he wants to be involved in Emma's life then?" he asked tentatively.

"Yeah, he does."

Standing up Phillip walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink. "So, what does that mean? Putting her on a plane to California once a month?"

Kate looked over at him in surprise at his suggestion. _He couldn't be serious, she thought_. _Does he really think I would put her on a plane alone?_ "Actually, Jack is taking a leave of absence and coming up here to stay for awhile. It'll give him a chance to spend some time with Emma so they can get to know each other."

Phillip took a long sip of his drink, enjoying the alcohol as it burned down his throat. This he definitely wasn't happy to hear. "He's coming to stay…with you?" he spat out.

Kate quickly shook her head. "No, of course not, he's getting his own place." She told him.

"And you're alright with all this?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She shot back. "He's Emma's father and I kept that from him long enough. He deserves a chance to get to know her and spend time with her. And I'm glad that he wants to."

Draining his glass Phillip shrugged his shoulders. "Just as long as he doesn't try and take advantage of that guilt."

Standing up Kate walked over and stood in front of him. "What's that suppose to mean?"

Reaching out he put a hand on her arm meant to comfort but drew it back when he felt her tense up. "Look, babe," he said trying to soften his voice. "I know that you feel a lot of guilt over this…"

"I kept his daughter a secret." Kate interrupted in a pained voice.

"You made a decision." Phillip retorted firmly. "The best decision you could at the time."

Kate shook her head. "It was not the best decision, it was the wrong one."

"So, you regret deciding to leave Jack?" Phillip's face hardened.

Kate looked down at the floor taking a moment to answer. "I regret thinking that keeping my pregnancy a secret was right." She replied. "It hurt everybody."

"Well, you can't change that now, Kate." Phillip pointed out.

Looking back up at him Kate's emerald eyes narrowed. "I know that!" She spit out. "You don't need to remind me!"

"Okay, then leave that in the past, and just focus on the here and now…and the future." Phillip told her, flashing her a smile that told her he didn't want to argue anymore. He reached out and took her left hand and placed a kiss on the knuckle above her engagement ring. "How about you concentrate on the man that put that ring on your beautiful finger?" he suggested seductively.

But Kate wasn't buying his charm. "Is that what you're worried about? Jack?" she asked pulling her hand away from his.

"Should I be?" Phillip threw it back in her lap.

Kate's face registered the shock she felt at his question. "You're unbelievable." She told him as she took a couple of steps back. "Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?"

"so, is that your way of saying no?" Phillip asked, noticing she hadn't answered his previous question.

Throwing her hands up Kate let out a frustrated sigh. "He's coming here to spend time with Emma, nothing else."

Staring at her for a moment, Phillip finally nodded. "Okay. Fair enough. If you say so."

Feeling the energy practically drained out of her body, Kate briefly rubbed her temples. "Look, I think…I'm just going to go home, okay?" She said softly. "I told Rudy I'd be in early tomorrow and I'm sure you've got a full day."

"Actually, I took the morning off." Phillip interrupted.

"You did, why?"

"Well, I thought that maybe we would go looking at wedding dresses." He explained with a smile showing off his dimple in his chin.

Kate was taken aback. "Phillip, we haven't even set a wedding date." She reminded him. "Little premature to go looking at dresses."

Walking over to her Phillip slipped his arms around her waist. "Well, we could do that tonight." He nuzzled her hair. "My calendar's on the desk."

Kate pulled back. "You said you were okay with waiting."

"And I have waited." He pointed out letting her out of his embrace.

"This isn't a good time." Kate replied, trying to keep her tone gentle. "Not with everything else going on."

"But you see, Kate, that's why this is the perfect time." Phillip reasoned. "It would be some security…some constant thing that we'd be working towards."

But Kate refused his logic. "You can't bully me into setting a wedding date." She told him.

This time Phillip was the one to get angry. "And why do you see it as bullying? Why is it so hard to set a date, Kate?" He demanded. "You love me, don't you? You still want to marry me and have a life with me, don't you?"

"It's not that!" Kate shot back. "I'm not the only one in this. I have a daughter to think about and what's best for her. I can't just go rushing off and change our lives completely without taking her into consideration and giving her time to adjust to the idea."

"And just how long is that going to take, huh?" Phillip yelled. "A month? Six months? A year? Two?" He moved around the room in frustration. "How long, Kate, before I get to move on to the next stage of my life?"

Kate felt her eyes glisten with tears. She couldn't believe Phillip was getting so upset about this after they had talked about it before. "I just need some time!" She walked over to where her purse was and dug out her phone. "Why can't you understand that?"

"I do understand."

"Well, it doesn't feel like that right now!" She flipped opened her phone.

"Who are you calling?" Phillip asked, his voice not so harsh in tone this time.

"A cab." Kate replied. "I need to go home."

"Kate, come on, don't do that." Phillip said quickly. "Let's just forget all this."

The brunette shook her head. "I think it's better I just go home. Besides I'm getting a headache."

Phillip let out a sigh. He had never been involved with such a stubborn woman. "Look, hang up. I'll take you home." He told her reaching for his car keys.

"No, that's okay, you don't have to." Kate said before asking the cell phone operator for a cab company.

"Kate, don't be silly. You'll end up waiting at least 30 minutes for a cab to show up."

Ignoring him Kate waited for the line to connect and pick up. Ordering a cab she learned from the dispatcher that one of their cabs had just dropped off a fare in the area and could be there in less than five minutes.

"So, I guess I'll talk to you later." Kate said softly as she slipped on her sweater.

Nodding Phillip watched her walk out the door. "I'll call you tomorrow." He said as she shut the door.

Mixing himself another drink Phillip took a long sip and looked around the room. Suddenly the place felt cold and empty. This was definitely not the way he had visualized ending the evening when he had picked up Kate at her house. He didn't like the feeling or the idea that he could possibly lose Kate. He knew he overplayed his hand tonight practically demanding Kate set a wedding date, but he would fix that tomorrow. He'd order the biggest bouquet of red roses and have them delivered to the restaurant as a gesture of apology. No woman would stay mad at beautiful flowers. He would also work on this approach better. He needed to approach the situation smart – like he approached his business ventures. And the first thing he always did when it came to business was to know what he was up against. He needed information.

Grabbing his cell phone he popped it open and dialed his lawyer's number.

"Hey, Leonard, it's me." He said into the receiver. "I need you to do a background check on a guy…Jack Shepard. He's a surgeon in Los Angeles. He was a survivor of the crash of Oceanic 815. Yeah, let me know what you find out."

**TBC**

**Up Next: Jack faces Mother Shepard with his news before heading back to Seattle. Added tidbit: We get one of my famous Jate phone calls!**


	47. Ch 47 Life is a Highway

A/N:

_**A/N: Thanks to all of you for dropping me a line. I can't believe we've hit 500!! Totally awesome! It really means a lot that you're taking the time to read and then hit that little button – even if's it's just to say "where's the next update??" lol.**_

_**I'm getting the impression many of you don't like Phillip?? Really, he seems like such a nice guy. LOL. He'll continue to impress you in upcoming chapters, though I can tell you Jack won't be impressed much. (but really, did you expect him to be?) I hope everyone likes this story and please as always take a moment to got me an opinion, feeling, good, bad, otherwise. I appreciate it all. **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor the song Life is a Highway sung by Racal Flatts. I couldn't think of a song that fit the tone of this chapter and I wanted to get it posted so I picked on that reflects what Jack is doing towards the end of the chapter. **_

**CHAPTER 47 - Life is a Highway**

_**Life's like a road that you travel on  
When there's one day here and the next day gone  
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand  
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind  
There's a world outside ev'ry darkened door  
Where blues won't haunt you anymore  
Where brave are free and lovers soar  
Come ride with me to the distant shore  
We won't hesitate  
To break down the garden gate  
There's not much time left today**_

Chorus:  
Life is a highway  
I wanna ride it all night long  
If you're going my way  
I wanna drive it all night long

Through all these cities and all these towns  
It's in my blood and it's all around  
I love you now like I loved you then  
This is the road and these are the hands  
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights  
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights

Knock me down get back up again  
You're in my blood  
I'm not a lonely man  
There's no load I can't hold  
Road so rough this I know  
I'll be there when the light comes in  
Just tell 'em we're survivors

Standing in front of the oak front door to his mother's house Jack shifted weight from one foot to another as he reached out and rang the doorbell. Arrangements had already been finalized at the hospital for his time off and he was already packed for the trip back to Seattle. He had contacted a real estate agent in the city and after an exchange of emails that included photos of several available places; he had rented a furnished two bedroom townhouse not far from where Kate and Claire lived. The last step was filling his mother in on his plans…and on her new status as a grandmother.

The door was opened by a middle aged woman with short light brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and a bright smile. "Good Evening, Dr. Shepard." She greeted warmly.

"Good Evening Loretta." Jack returned her smile. "Am I ever going to get you to call me Jack?"

Loretta shook her head but didn't answer his rhetorical question. She had worked for the Shepard household since the year Jack had graduated from Columbia University and had started addressing him as "Dr." when he had finished medical school.

"We missed you last week." She commented as she took his black leather jacket to hang.

"Yeah, I had to go out of town suddenly to take care of something."

"So your mother mentioned. Nothing bad I hope?" She inquired.

Jack shook his head. "Actually it turns out it was something good." He quickly looked around. "Is she in the living room?"

Loretta nodded. At that Jack broke out into a grin. "Can you keep a secret, Loretta?"

"Of course, Dr. Shepard." The woman replied, curious about Jack's behavior.

Pulling out his wallet Jack took out the picture of Emma he had slipped in there earlier and passed it to the woman. "I have a daughter." He announced proudly.

Loretta took the picture and looked at the little girl with dark haired braids and a dusting of freckles on her face. "You have a daughter?" she asked in completed surprise. "But…I mean…"

"I know. Trust me, it was a complete surprise to me too." Jack told her.

Loretta looked at the picture again. "Well, she's adorable." She commented. "Who's her mother?" She asked and then just as quickly waved off the question. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business."

But Jack was not offended. "It's Kate." He offered up. "Her mother is Kate."

Before Loretta could commented any further they were interrupted by the calling out of Margo Shepard. "Jack, is that you?" She asked loudly from just inside the entryway to the living room.

Taking the picture back from the housekeeper the handsome doctor made his way over to the room. "Yes, mom, I'm here." He answered stepping inside the tastefully decorated room.

Margo, looking smart in dark grey pants and a red silk shirt greeted her son with a kiss to the cheek. "It's good to see you, sweetheart."

"You too, Mom."

"I was afraid that you might stand me up again." She walked over to the small bar and poured him a drink.

"Come on, Mom, I'm even on time." He told her with a small chuckle.

"So, tell me, what was it that came up so suddenly last week?" She asked as they sat on the couch. "You said you would explain later."

Jack nodded and looked down at his lap for a moment figuring the best way to start this conversation. Blurting out 'Congratulations, you're a grandmother' didn't seem like the best option.

"Jack?"

"I…ahum…actually was in Seattle for the weekend." He said. "To see Kate."

"Kate?" She exclaimed surprised. "You went to see Kate?"

"Yeah, she's been living up there with a couple of friends of ours." He explained.

Margo studied her son for a moment taking in his nervous manner, knowing there was something he wanted to tell her.

"This was kind of sudden, wasn't it? I mean, you told me that she's engaged, right?"

He nodded and took a sip of his drink. "But one of our friends contacted me, telling me that I needed to go see her…that there was something that she needed to tell me."

"So, you had to fly out to Seattle? Couldn't she tell you over the phone?"

Jack chuckled to himself as he shook his head. "No, definitely not something she would have told me over the phone."

"Okay, so what was this news?" Margo asked, not sure how she felt about her son having contact again with the woman who so broke his heart.

"I have a daughter." He finally revealed.

"You what?"

"I have a daughter. Kate gave birth to my…our daughter almost three years ago." He looked up at his mother's face, not surprised to see her looking shocked.

Margo swallowed trying to regain her composure. "You have a child? A daughter?" she asked in an almost whisper.

"Yeah, I now…I was pretty shocked myself when I found out." He admitted as he pulled out the picture of Emma and passed it over to his mother.

Margo took the picture and looked at the little girl that her son was telling her was his daughter…her granddaughter. She glanced over at Jack then returned her gaze back at the photograph studying the face, the eyes…the smile. She's adorable, Margo thought still processing the news. "How are you just finding this out now?"

"It's a long story." Jack told her.

"Well, young man, we've got the rest of the night for you to tell it to me." Margo replied firmly.

As they sat down for dinner and ate Jack told her the story of how he learned about Emma and his chance to spend some time with her the previous weekend. Margo's initial shock had worn off and she was actually excited about the idea of having a grand daughter.

"I just can't believe that Kate would keep something like this from you." Margo commented disapprovingly.

"Mom…"

"No, Jack, she should have told you." Margo insisted.

"She tried." Jack confessed.

"Really? When?"

Taking a long drink of his wine the young man looked down at his plate. This was one part of the story he had been hoping to avoid. "She came to L.A. after Sarah's funeral. She was planning on telling me about Emma."

"So what happened? She changed her mind at the last minute?"

"She saw me outside of Sarah's townhouse…ahum…with Sarah's best friend and…ahum…she thought I was involved with her and so she got upset and left."

Margo looked over at her son and noticed he had a slight color to his cheeks. "Jack, why would Kate get that impression?"

The hesitation before he spoke gave Margo an idea of his answer. "You slept with this woman?"

He nodded slowly. "It was only one time and it didn't mean anything?

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I don't know, I guess I was still upset over the news of Kate's engagement and I was missing her and going through all of Sarah's stuff and packing everything away hit Judy especially hard. We were just two people lonely and sad, and we ended up reaching out to each other."

Margo let out a breath. "And did it help?"

Jack shook his head. "Not really. It ended up costing me Kate in the end."

"How so?" Margo was confused.

He let out a big sigh and finished off the last of his wine. "Turns out Charlie was wrong. Kate wasn't engaged at that point. She didn't accept the proposal until after she had come back from L.A….not until after she saw Judy kissing me goodbye that morning." He explained sadly.

Margo felt her heart ache for her son at that moment as she watched the sadness cloud over his eyes. As much as she wanted to jump up and tell him that none of that mattered, that Kate was the one that was at fault here, she didn't think that was what he wanted to hear.

"So, then, you're not mad at Kate for keeping this secret?" She asked in wonderment.

Jack looked up, his brown eyes taking a bit of a hard look. "No, of course, I'm mad. I know she had no right to keep this from me, not matter the reasoning. But I'm trying to get past that…if only for Emma's sake, and really my sake too. I can't spend the rest of my life angry at the mother of my child."

"That's commendable."

"I'm not trying to be nobel, Mom." Jack told her. "I was furious when she told me, but I know Kate and I know that her original intention was never to hurt me." He flashed back to the baby journal now safely tucked in his luggage. "She made a poor decision…a bad one, and she's got to live with that."

"Oh?"

"She knows she not only hurt me, but she hurt our daughter. She put the idea of Sarah not dying alone over Emma and robbed us of all this time together. That's something she'll have to make peace with."

Margo nodded slowly, proud at how her son was coming along through all of this. Christian had been wrong when he said Jack didn't have what it took. Her son was a good man – his actions on the island had shown that. And now he was showing it again with how he was approaching the idea of being a father.

"So, what kind of little girl is my grand daughter?" she asked excitedly.

Relieved his mother decided to move on to a more pleasant topic Jack filled her in on the newest addition to their family.

The next morning in the wee hours, with his Jeep packed, he was on his way to Seattle. Armed with a thermos full of coffee, and subsequent refills, he powered his way through, deciding to drive all the way without stopping to sleep.

About half way through the trip his cell phone rang. Glancing down he saw _'KATE'_ on the display.

"Hey!" he greeted.

"Hi" her voice came through the receiver. "Ahum…I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?

"Actually, I'm on my way back to Seattle." He revealed.

"Really? Already?" She asked surprised. "You got everything squared away so quick?"

"Yeah, it took a couple of days to get my patients and interns reassigned, but everything is taken care of."

"You lock the house up?"

"Actually Marc is still living there. He moved in when I…ahum…when I went to live with Sarah." She said softly, not sure if Kate heard the last part.

"Oh well, that's good, I guess." She replied choosing to move past the Sarah comment. "Well…I actually called because I have somebody here that's been bugging me to call you." Kate's voice seemed to perk up as she made this comment. "She's been insistent about wanting to say hello."

Jack smiled at hearing this. "Really? Well, put her on." He said cheerfully.

"Hi Daddy." A soft voice filled the phone a moment later.

"Hi Angel," he replied happily. "How are you?

"I'm fine." Emma told him. "Where are you?"

"I'm in my car driving back to you, just like I promised."

"Are you coming to see me?" She asked excitedly.

"Of course."

"I miss you Daddy." The little girl revealed.

Jack felt a small lump catch in his throat as he nodded into the phone. "I miss you too, sweet pea, very much. But I'll see you real soon, okay?"

"Okay." Emma's voice hesitated for a moment. "Here's mommy."

"Hey," Kate's voice came back on the line.

"Hey."

"Hey, Thanks for letting her talk to me."

"She really wanted to." Kate told him. "So, how far away are you?"

"I left L.A. about 9 hours ago." He told her. "I should be there in another nine."

"You're driving straight through?" Kate asked surprised and a bit concerned. "That's a pretty long drive if I remember right."

"You're talking to a guy who has done 17 hour surgeries on the drop of a dime. Surgeons are like well conditioned long…"

"…distance runners." Kate finished his sentence with a chuckle. "I faintly remember hearing that before…several times."

Jack joined in her chuckle. "Alright, but really I'll be fine."

"Well, just get a room if you get tired." Kate warned him. "We want you here in one piece."

"You've really got that mother thing down pat don't you?" Jack teased.

"Somebody has to remind you that you're mortal." She shot back.

"Doesn't mean I have to believe it." He returned the shot

"Doctors and their egos." Kate mumbled. "Did you get a place here already?" She asked quickly changing the subject.

"Yeah, I got in touch with a realtor up there who sent me a few listings. I found a place in your area."

"Really? That's great. That's going to make Emma happy. I think she thinks the closer you are the more you can come over." She laughed.

"Well, I'll try not to wear out my welcome too much."

Kate's tone suddenly turned serious. "You know, you're going to be welcomed to see her as often as you'd like, don't you?"

"I appreciate that." He replied in a soften tone.

"But just so you know, you might experience Cranky Emma." Kate told him, her tone turning light again.

"Cranky Emma?"

"Yup. Cranky Emma can possess our sweet, loving daughter and turn her into this difficult, grouchy, tantrum throwing alien child."

"Oh really?" he asked in amusement, not her use of the word "our"

"Oh yeah, I remember one time during a recent supermarket trip. Cranky Emma came out of nowhere and bam! There I was the center of attention as she threw a fit over a bag of Oreo cookies."

Jack laughed out loud at the visual of Kate standing in the middle of a store trying to deal with an upset toddler.

"Oh sure, mister, laugh now. Just wait until it happens to you and you end up leaving groceries behind while you carry a flaying, crying child to the car…all the while trying to avoid taking a random foot in your stomach." Kate told him, her voice laced with a small chuckle.

"I'm not laughing at you." Jack told her as he chuckled again. "Really…"

"Liar." She retorted with her own chuckle. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"So, can I hope for some advice on how to deal with Cranky Emma?" he asked in sincerity.

"Your best defense is to keep a stash of Oreo cookies or Louise's homemade oatmeal cookies on hand. But use them sparingly or they might lose their effectiveness." Kate explained trying to keep a serious tone to her voice. "And it's best not to skip naps if at all possible."

"Okay, got it. Cookies and naps…I think I can handle that." Jack replied cheerfully.

As he spoke he caught sight of a fueling station just ahead and decided to pull in to gas up and grab some more coffee and snacks. With a brief explanation to Kate he reluctantly ended their phone call and moments later was pulling into one of the empty isles at a pump.

The rest of the drive proved uneventful and he arrived safely in Seattle in the evening. Thought he was anxious to see Emma again sleep was more pressing, so after a stop through a fast food drive through he followed directions to his new apartment. He called Kate again as he sat and ate dinner to let her know he had arrived and to ask about seeing Emma the next day.

Offering to keep Emma out of pre-school Kate suggested he come by and take the little girl to lunch while she was at work. Jack agreed and after agreeing on a time he hung up and got ready to sleep.

**TBC**

_**Up next: Some bonding time for Jack and his 'girl'. And then…Phillip and Jack meet. **_


	48. Ch 48 You Were You Are You'll Always Be

A/N:

_**A/N: Okay, here's the next installment. I hope you like it. As always let me know what you think. Your responses are always great and really push me I appreciate the time you take to read this and then let me know what you think. Thanks!!**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor the song You Were, You Are, You'll Always Be sung by Rick Trevino. I really liked this song when I heard it and I think it fits what Jate means to each other in this story – even if they're not admitting it yet!!**_

**CHAPTER 48 - You Were, You Are, You'll Always Be**

_**I had no direction  
I had no plan  
In this big world  
I was the great of sin  
The first time ours eyes met  
And you spoke my name  
I felt the bondage  
Only heavan could change  
Don't even Question  
Don't ever doubt  
This kind of river  
Will never run out**_

You were, you are ,you always be  
My home,my dream, and all i need  
My light in the dark  
My soul, my heart  
The only love for me  
You were, you are, you'll always be

I won't make a promise  
That i can't keep  
This love i feel for you  
Runs way to deep  
God as my witness  
By his design  
I'll be with you until the end of time  
You stood beside me  
You been so true  
I can't imagine my life without you

You were, you are ,you always be  
My home,my dream, and all i need  
My light in the dark  
My soul, my heart  
The only love for me  
You were, you are, you'll always be

My light in the dark  
My soul, my heart  
The only love for me  
You were, you are, you'll always be

"Aunt Louise, what time is it?" Emma asked the older woman for what seemed like the tenth time that morning. She was dressed in pink Capri pants and a pink and white shirt and white sandals. Her hair styled in two braids.

Louise smiled and remained patient. "Sweetie, you still have half an hour before your daddy gets here. Why don't you go watch TV? How about I put some cartoons on for you?"

Emma shrugged her shoulders and followed the woman out to the living room. She sat on the couch and watched the cartoon until the front doorbell finally rung.

Jumping up to her feet in excitement she ran around the couch and out to the foyer as Louise was coming from the hallway.

"Hurry!" Emma said excitedly.

Laughing at the little girl's excitement Louise opened the front door and found herself face to face with a dark haired, handsome man dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. "Hello, you…"

"Hi Daddy!" Emma exclaimed, interrupting Louise.

"…must be Jack." Louise finished with a chuckle.

Joining her laughter he nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Well, come on in. We've been expecting you." She said moving to the side to let him in.

Jack took no more than two steps before he dropped to his knees in front of the little girl. "Do I get a hug?" he asked with a teasing manner.

Nodding, Emma practically jumped into his arms and gave him one of her biggest hugs.

"Woah! I guess you missed me, huh?" Jack chuckled as he returned the hug.

The little girl nodded happily. "Ah huh."

"Well, that's good." Jack replied softly as he stood up with Emma still in his arms. "Because I really missed you too." He poked her tummy with his finger causing her to giggle.

Remembering the woman who had greeted him at the door Jack turned and extended his hand. "We kind of got interrupted. I'm Jack Shepard."

The older woman smiled and shook his hand. "I'm Louise Reynolds, Claire's aunt." She led Jack into the living room. "I help the girls out around the house."

"She takes care of Awron and me when Mommy and Aunt Claire are at work." Emma added.

"Oh really?" Jack sat on the couch and pulled Emma onto his lap. "Sounds like a big job."

"And she makes the best oatmeal cookies." The little girl told him.

"Is that right? I guess those are your favorites?"

"Ah huh."

Smiling Jack tapped her on the nose with his finger. "Mine too." He confessed.

Giggling Emma smiled. "Weally?"

Nodding Jack leaned in a little as if he was sharing a big secret. "Yup. They are my most absolute favorite cookie in the whole world."

Pleased, Emma looked up at Louise. "Aunt Louise he like oatmeal cookies too!" she gushed.

Louise gave the little girl a smile. "Well, look like I'm going to have to make up a batch this afternoon."

"Yea! Cookies!"

"But only…" Louise continued trying to sound stern. "…if you behave for your daddy today."

Emma nodded her head without hesitation. "I promise. I be good."

"I'm sure she'll be very good." Jack agreed. "Are you ready to go eat?"

Again the little girl nodded and this time reached over and slipped her small hand into his. "Weady!" She announced with a grin.

Chuckling, Jack stood up and placed Emma on the floor still holding her hand. "Where would you like to go?"

"McDonalds" She replied firmly.

"McDonalds, huh?" Jack nodded. "Okay, McDonalds it is."

"Kate left the car seat for you." Louise told him, walking him over to the dining room where the booster seat was waiting. A few minutes later, with a cheerful goodbye to Louise, the two left the house and made their way over to a McDonalds.

"Okay, angel, what would you like?" Jack asked as they approached the cashier.

"Chicken nuggets!" Emma exclaimed. "And fwies."

Receiving their food a couple of minutes later Jack guided her over to a corner table where the two settled in and started to eat. With a grin Jack observed Emma as she carefully dunked her fries in the ketchup cup before bringing them up and into her mouth. She was just as careful with dunking a chicken nugget into the sauce, her face scrunching up into a smile as she chewed the piece of chicken.

"So, Kate…mommy, told me you go to school." Jack said trying to start some sort of conversation.

Emma nodded. "Twee times a week." She said proudly.

"Do you like it?"

"Ah huh. We get to color and pway with blocks and clay." She said happily. "We get stories and snack time."

"Snack time?"

"Mommy gives me a snack to take with me." She explained as she took a sip of her chocolate milk.

"Do you like your teacher?"

"I have two." She put up two fingers to illustrate. "Ms. Clarke and Kelly."

"Oh really?" Jack was pleasantly surprised at how easy Emma was being about talking. "Are they nice?"

"Ah huh." Emma dipped more fries into the ketchup as they continued to eat and talk about things that the little girl found interesting. She told him about some of her friends at school and chattered about her home life. Jack told her a little about Los Angeles and the fact that she had a grandmother who was very interested in meeting her soon. That fact excited Emma as so far she only knew her grandfather.

When they were done eating Emma politely asked if she could go use the restroom. Here was Jack's first dilemma as a dad. Men's room or women's? Not thrilled with the idea of letting her go in by herself and not wanting to take her into the Men's room due to the open setting her he settled on the women's.

He knocked on the door and after receiving no response pushed open the door and led Emma inside.

"Okay, angel, do you need some help?" He asked tentively.

She shook her head and went into the stall. "Wait here, Daddy."

At that moment an older woman walked into the room and jumped back in surprise at the sight of Jack. "Excuse me?!" She questioned.

"My daughter is in there." He stammered quickly as color rushed into his cheeks. "She's too little to come in alone and I didn't really think the men's room was the right option."

The woman nodded but continued to stand there with her arms crossed as if debating whether to go into the empty stall or not while he was there.

"All finished!" A little voice came from the inside the stall and a moment later Emma appeared, much to both Jack and the woman's relief.

Emma looked at her father. "Daddy, I need to wash my hands."

Realizing the sink was a little out of her reach Jack picked her up by her waist and held her just above the sink. Emma turned on the water and rubbed soap on her small hands. As she rubbed Jack heard her quietly singing the alphabet. When she came to "Z" she stuck her hands back under the water and rinsed them off.

As she dried off Jack asked. "How come you sang the ABC's?"

"Mommy says that's how long I have to wub the soap on my hands…until I get to 'z'" She told him matter of factly.

The woman, who was still standing outside the stall, gave a small laugh. "That's cute." She said softly to Jack.

Guiding his daughter out of the restroom he nodded to the stranger. "All yours." He told her as they went out the door.

Once back in the lobby Emma asked if they could get some ice cream. Having scouted out the area earlier that morning Jack suggested a trip to the park where they could get some ice cream later.

"Come on Daddy!" Emma grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him from the parked car towards the swings. As they approached the playground he noticed there were a few women and their kids enjoying the park.

As Emma got to the swings she stopped and looked up at her father with a frown.

"What's wrong honey?" he asked.

"There's no swings for little girls." She declared sadly.

"What? What'd you mean?" Jack asked confused as he looked over at the row of regular looking swings.

"They're too big." She replied looking down at the ground disappointed. She was used to the park she and her mother normally went to where they had a lake and ducks and swings designed for smaller children with safety harnesses to prevent them from losing their grip and falling.

When Jack realized that the seats of the swings in front of them were indeed too wide for a child of Emma's stature to be able to sit and grab the side handles he got an idea. "Well, they're not too big for me." He announced and pulled Emma over to the closest vacant seat. Sitting down he picked up the little girl and placed her on his lap then draped one arm across her protectively.

"Okay, Emma, you hang on to my arm and we'll ride this together."

Glancing back Emma gave Jack a big, bright smile before latching her small hands on his arm. Pushing off the ground the two began swinging back and forth much to the delight of the little girl. They swung through the air with Emma gleefully squealing "Higher Daddy!"

From the swings Emma led her father over to the slide, the climbing gym and then to the small merry-go-round where she joined a couple of other children on the ride while Jack stood on the side catching his second wind.

"You have a beautiful daughter."

Jack turned in the direction of the feminine voice and found a sandy-haired woman a few years younger than him standing there. He nodded. "Thank you." Then turned back and continued to watch the merry-go-round again.

"I haven't seen the two of you around here before." The woman continued.

Jack turned back to her again. "I'm sorry?"

She gave him a smile. "I bring my sons here a lot and I've never seen you before." She explained.

Giving the stranger a small smile he nodded. "This is the first time we've been here."

"Oh? New to the area, huh?"

Before Jack could answer a tiny dynamo came flying up to him, tears spilling. "Daddy, I fell." Emma told him tearfully and pointed to her knee which was scraped and bleeding.

Bending down Jack pushed back Emma's bangs and wiped her cheeks. "You're okay, angel. We just need to clean it up. I think I have some Kleenex in the car."

"It hurts." She cried bending her injured leg to take the weight off.

"I've got some band aids and antiseptic, if you'd like." The sandy haired woman offered up as she opened her purse. A second later she pulled out a clear zip lock bag that contained items from a first aid kit. "If you'd like I can fix her knee up for you."

"Daddy can do it." Emma cried as she slipped her little arms around his legs, burying her face in his pant leg.

Picking her up and gently cradling her injured leg in one of his hands he walked over to a nearby picnic table and sat her down. The woman had followed and handed Jack the bag. Assessing the situation quickly he realized that there was a small cut on the front of her knee that was bleeding and some scrapes. _'Nothing broken or twisted.' He thought._

Calming his daughter down he went to work and gently and expertly cleaned the wound with antiseptic and then covered it with a band aid. "There you go, angel." He wiped the tear marks on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "All fixed."

"Okay, Daddy." Emma sniffled, letting out a small breath of relief.

Zipping up the bag Jack turned back to the woman. "Thank you for your help."

"No problem." She smiled at him. "Playground accidents are a common event so I come prepared." She stuck out her hand. "I'm Casey."

"Jack." He replied shaking her hand.

Casey's grin grew wider. "And this little princess?" She looked over at the little girl in braids.

"Emma." Jack replied placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Well, nice to meet you, Emma." Casey said cheerfully. "That's a very pretty name."

Emma bit her bottom lip but didn't say anything to the woman.

"Can you say thank you?" Jack asked his daughter.

"Tank you." Emma replied bashfully.

"You're most welcome." Casey told her then turned back to Jack. "She's very sweet."

He nodded. "Thanks. And thanks again for your…supplies."

"You're welcome. As I said, I come prepared." Casey pointed out towards the playground jungle gym. "The one in the blue shirt there and the one in the brown are mine." She told him. "Bradford and Bailey."

"Daddy?" Emma tapped her father's arm to get his attention.

He looked over at her. "Yes, Emma?"

"Can we get ice cream now?" She asked flashing her best puppy dog eyes.

He chuckled. "That sounds good. Then we have to get home. Mommy's going to be waiting for you."

"Is she home?" Emma perked up at the mention of Kate.

"She will be by the time we finish eating our ice cream and go home." Jack stuck out his arms and pulled the little girl into his embrace. He turned back to the woman they had just met. "It was nice meeting you." He told her politely.

"Yeah, you too." Casey replied hiding her disappointment at his apparent lack of availability.

Carrying Emma back to the car they drove over to the corner where the snack shop was located and bought two cones.

"Does your knee still hurt?" Jack asked as they enjoyed their ice cream.

Emma shook her head. "Ice cream makes it better." She declared proudly causing her father to laugh.

"Okay, good to know."

By the time they arrived back at the house Emma was tired and ready for her nap. Kate greeted them at the front door and quickly took custody of the little girl and after directing Jack into the living room she retired to the bedroom to put the child down for her nap.

"Did you have a good time with your daddy?" Kate asked as she sat Emma down on the bed to take off her shoes.

"Yeah. We had fun. We went to the park." Emma nodded. "And McDonalds"

As Kate removed her shoes she noticed the band aid. "Doodle Bug, what happened?"

"I fell, Mommy. But Daddy made it better." The little girl explained with a yawn.

Kate touched the area around the cut gingerly. "Does it hurt, sweetie?"

She shook her head. "He put mecine on it and kissed it like you do."

With a smile Kate pulled back covers and helped Emma settle in for her nap. Handing her Snuggle the rabbit she kissed the little girl's forehead. "Have a good hap." She whispered as she smoothed down Emma's bangs.

"Mommy?" the little girl spoke up sleepily.

"Yes, Doodle Bug?"

"Will Daddy still be here when I wake up?"

Kate nodded her head slowly. "I'm sure he will be. Now go to sleep." Kate instructed.

Quickly slipping out of the bedroom Kate made her way back to the living room to see what Jack though of his time with their daughter. Entering the room she found herself smiling. There was Jack on the recliner chair sound asleep.

"Looks like Emma wasn't the only one tired out this afternoon." She chuckled to herself. Grabbing the soft throw from the couch she gently draped it over Jack, careful not to wake him.

When Jack woke later it took him a moment to figure out where he was and what had happened. Noticing he was covered with a blanket he guessed that he must have dozed off after he had brought Emma home.

"Are you awake?" a small voice asked in a whisper.

Glancing over Jack saw Aaron standing near him with a toy train in hand. "Yeah, I am." He answered his voice still a bit dry from his nap.

"Good, 'cause Mommy said to be quiet while you were asleep." The little boy came over closer and held out his toy for inspection. "Wanna see?"

Pushing himself up into a straighter sitting position Jack gave his upper body a quick stretch before looking at Aaron and his offering. "That's nice." He commented as he looked over the toy. "You like trains, huh?"

The little boy nodded. "They're my favorite." He said with a grin. "I have all kinds of trains and when I grow up I'm going to work on one."

"Really? Well, I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun."

As Aaron cheerfully went on about his collection of trains Emma came wandering into the livingroom. Noticing Jack sitting and talking to Aaron she walked over and started to crawl up on his lap. Pulling her the rest of the way up and settling her on his lap Jack gave her a quick kiss on the side of her head. "Hi angel." He greeted softly as the little girl laid against his chest.

Aaron watched the exchange with envy. He understood that Jack was Emma's father and Aaron thought his friend was lucky not only to have her father here, but for him to be a nice man. Aaron used to think he was lucky because he had two dads, but with Daddy Thomas so far away and mainly available by phone and Daddy Charlie's phone calls getting less frequent he had started to think maybe he wasn't so lucky.

"Jack?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Will you help me fix my train track?" Aaron's voice had a tone of anxiousness in it that touched the man's heart.

"Is it broke?" he asked.

The child nodded. "My friend, Larry, bwoke it today and now the train won't go around."

Nodding Jack flashed him a smile. "Okay. We'll look at it in a little bit, alright?"

Aaron broke out in a big grin. "Okay! Thanks!" he replied, confident this man would be able to get his train set working again.

Leaving Aaron to his cartoon Jack carried Emma into the kitchen where he found Claire pulling things together for dinner. Insisting the doctor stay to eat Claire accepted his offer to help prepare the meal in exchange.

With Emma standing on a chair next to Jack at the counter to watch, the two adults chatted cheerfully, filling each other in on survivor gossip. As Claire was mixing up the ground beef Sawyer came walking in.

"Well, ain't this a happy homemaker scene." He cracked as he started to the refrigerator.

Claire bounced over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Hi Honey," she greeted in a sugary sweet voice. "How was your day?"

"Oh grand." He said as his cheeks reddened, catching Jack's smirk in the background. "What's for dinner?"

"I thought, since it's nice out, we could grill some burgers." She told him as she returned to the counter.

Nodding in approval Sawyer grabbed a couple of beers from the refrigerator and offered one to Jack.

"Hi Saw Saw." Emma greeted the blonde man with a little giggle.

"Hey, Little Freckles, what'cha doing there?" he glanced over her shoulder at the counter where there was a bowl of lettuce.

"I'm helping make salad." Emma told him proudly as her little fingers tore the lettuce apart like her father showed her.

"Well good for you." Sawyer took a long sip of his beer.

"Saw Saw?" Jack asked softly with a raised eyebrow.

"Drink your beer." The southerner replied. "I'm gonna get the grill up and going." He announced as he walked out of the room, spared the giggles that broke out between Jack and Claire.

A couple of minutes later Kate came into the kitchen also surprised by the scene she found. It had been a long time since she had seen Jack working in the kitchen.

"Look, Mommy, I made salad!" Emma called out.

With a grin Kate walked over and grabbed the little girl by the waist giving her a kiss on the top of the head. "I see that. You did a really good job, sweetie."

"Daddy helped." The child admitted.

Kate glanced up briefly at Jack before returning her attention to her daughter. "Well, it's still a very nice salad." She said and then gently picked her up and placed her on the floor. "Why don't you go watch some cartoons with Aaron since you're done, okay?"

With a quick wave to her father the little girl was out of the room in a flash. Kate turned back to Jack. "So, you're staying for dinner, huh?" she asked when Claire slipped out to go check on the grill.

"Hope you don't mind." Jack smiled as he leaned back against the counter.

"No, of course not." She hesitated for a second. "I'm actually having dinner with Phillip tonight." She announced.

"Oh," Jack's face lost it's smile as he glanced down at the floor for a second. When he looked up again his expression was neutral. "Okay." He wasn't sure what more to say.

"Yeah…we go out to dinner two or three times a week." Kate said, not sure why she felt the need to explain.

Nodding jack took a sip of his beer. "So, what's he do for a living?"

"He's a commercial businessman. Owns his own trucking company and is an investor in a couple of businesses in town." Kate told him.

"How did you two meet?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders and she pulled out a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "I used to work at the country club he belongs to."

"Oh really?" Jack asked amused.

Kate shot him a look. "What? You'd never think of going out with someone that works at your country club, Jack?" she asked defensively.

"Well, if they looked like you I'd definitely consider it" he retorted trying not to grin, but failing.

'_Leave it to Jack to find a way to diffuse a potential argument' _she thought. "Thanks." She mumbled as she took a swig of her water. She wasn't going to let him off the hook so easily. "Just so you know, I turned him down the first couple of times he asked me out."

"Oh really?" he replied with a smirk.

"Yes really. But we ran into each other at a club, one that he owns a part of, and we got to talking and he turned out to be a nice guy." Kate explained further. "A nice guy who is also handsome and successful, so I said yes."

Nodding again, he took another sip of beer. "Okay."

For some reason Kate wasn't satisfied with his reaction. She wanted more. She wanted…jealousy. "Yeah, he turned out to be a great guy. He loves to take me to dinner, even flying me to San Francisco one night and Vancouver another. And he's generous, always buying little gifts, jewelry, dresses…" she bragged, hating the way she sounded the minute the words came out of her mouth.

Jack's expression turned serious. "Does he treat Emma well?" he interrupted.

Kate looked at him confused for a moment by his question. She hadn't expected him to ask that, but now that she thought about it, she shouldn't have been surprised. "Ahum…yeah…" She stumbled.

"And Emma, does she…ahum…like him?" Jack's voice became nervous, almost uncertain, as if he really didn't want to her the answer.

"She's still getting to know him." Kate replied, not wanting to get into the issues she was having in building a relationship between her daughter and her fiancé. A job made more difficult now by the arrival of Emma's father and their budding relationship.

"Getting to know him?" Jack asked surprised. "Jesus, Kate, how long have you two been dating?"

Kate drew her hands to her hips and narrowed his eyes. "Long enough!" she snapped. "Long enough to know he's a good man and that he's going to make a good husband and father. Long enough to appreciate how lucky I got and how he's not going to hurt me!"

Jack sucked in his breath for a moment, knowing full well that the last comment was directed at him. But while he would acknowledge to himself that he had caused her hurt, he'd be damned if he was going to shoulder the whole blame and let her get away with acting like this was his entire fault.

"Well apparently, you haven't known him long enough for our daughter to decide if she likes him or not!" he replied angrily.

"Oh that's rich…how do you know what Emma likes?!" She fired back. "You probably don't even know her favorite color!"

Jack put the near empty beer bottle down on the counter hard. He stood in front of her, his brown eyes a dark hue. "And who's fault is that?" he told her.

Kate felt like the wind had been taken out of her by his verbal blow. She closed her eyes in part to keep the tears back. She felt him move to the side to go around her, satisfied he had won this round.

"I'm going to go see if Sawyer needs help." He mumbled. As he reached the doorway, he stopped for a moment but didn't turn around. "Her favorite color is pink." He announced before exiting the room.

Letting out her breath she brushed back the tears determined not to break down. What steps they had taken towards civility had taken a blow; she in her childish attempt to make him jealous and Jack's inability to completely let go of all his anger.

Taking another deep breath she went to the sink and splashed some water on her face. That had to have been the stupidest argument she and Jack had ever had, and they had had a couple of stupid ones on the island. She knew it had been silly trying to brag about Phillip. It had all sounded so hollow standing there talking about gifts and trips when the man in front of her knew her well enough to know those things weren't a priority for her. And yet all he had asked was whether Phillip treated Emma well. It was a legitimate question and a telling one. He had responded as a father, not as a jealous ex-boyfriend and if Kate was being honest with herself she would admit she was a bit disappointed. But she wasn't being honest with herself, not about this. What was post is past and she had to move forward with her future. So, slipping out of the kitchen she went to her room to get ready for her date.

By the time the doorbell rang announcing Phillip's arrival, Claire, Sawyer, Jack and the kids were out on the patio enjoying the fresh night air with a barbeque.

Kate, in a knee length soft blue tank style dress and strappy heels, greeted Phillip with a quick kiss before quietly letting him know Jack was there.

Phillip's face remained neutral. "So, do I get to meet the world famous Dr. Jack Shepard?" he asked in a grand manner.

Kate stared at him for a moment then nodded. "I guess this is as good a time as any."

She led him through the house to the back where the group was at. The smell of grilling meat and hotdogs greeted them as they stepped out.

Standing at the grill tending to the food, beer in hand, was Sawyer. Claire was busily shifting through the plates and utensils to make sure they had everything, while Aaron was sitting in his sandbox playing. Jack was sitting in a chair with Emma in his lap talking to Sawyer. It was Claire who noticed the couple first.

"Phillip…hello." She greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Claire."

"Hey, Phil, you joining us for dinner?" Sawyer called out with a smirk.

Phillip shook his head and as he spied Jack, his hand reached down for Kate's. "No. We've got reservations at a new Thai place." He announced with a hint of smugness in his voice.

"Thai, huh? Never liked that food myself." The southerner replied. "Wrong kind of spices for my tastes."

Feeling increasingly uncomfortable Kate cleared her throat and looked over at the dark haired doctor, trying to forget their earlier fight.

"Ahum…Jack Shepard, this is Phillip Weiler." She said softly.

**TBC**

**Next Up: Phillip and Jack continue sizing each other up. And a little bonding time with Jack and Claire. **


	49. Ch 49 If You Leave

_**A/N: It's here! Finally, the next chapter. I'm so sorry for such the long delay. School has started and I can't believe the amount of reading I'm having to do in just one class. But I'm still committed to this story and finishing it so please don't worry that I've abandoned it. I'm just a little behind in updating. I hope you guys hang in there. And please, as always, hit that little review button and let me know what you think. It brings a smile to my face and helps me know that people are still out there reading this.**_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song If You Leave sung by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark and is part of the soundtrack of the movie Pretty in Pink.**_

**CHAPTER 49 - IF YOU LEAVE**

_**If you leave, don't leave now  
Please don't take my heart away  
Promise me just one more night  
Then we'll go our separate ways**_

We've always had time on our sides  
Now it's fading fast  
Every second every moment  
We've got to--we've gotta make it last

I touch you once I touch you twice  
I won't let go at any price  
I need you now like I needed you then  
You always said we'd still be friends, someday

If you leave I won't cry  
I won't waste one single day  
But if you leave don't look back  
I'll be running the other way

Seven years went under the bridge  
Like time standing still  
Heaven knows what happens now  
You've got to--you've gotta say you will

I touch you once I touch you twice  
I won't let go at any price  
I need you now like I needed you then  
You always said we'd meet again

"_Ahum…Jack Shepard, this is Phillip Weiler." She said softly._

Standing up Jack put Emma on the other chair before walking over and extending his hand to the other shorter man. "Nice to meet you." He greeted with a firm shake and serious tone.

"Same here." Phillip replied as he tried sizing up the man. He seemed to carry himself with an air of confidence, like a man who knew his abilities and knew he was good at them. The kind of man that proved to be successful in life. Phillip didn't like him. "I've heard a lot about you." He told the surgeon.

Jack raised an eyebrow and shot a quick look at Kate who looked confused. "Oh really?"

"Well, you guys were a media hit when you were first rescued." Phillip offered up quickly.

Pressing his lips together Jack nodded. "Don't believe everything you've read." He joked.

"Oh, so, I shouldn't believe what a hero you were." Phillip asked with a hint of sarcasm. He had read the background report his lawyer had gotten for him on Jack – top of his class at high school, graduating from Columbia University with honors only to be accepted into UCLA Medical School and graduating a year faster than anyone else, and now having built a solid reputation as a gifted surgeon, leading in his field. And that wasn't even considering the fact that Jack had come from an affluent family and had a very comfortable inheritance left to him by his father. The praise bestowed on him and his actions after the crash only added to his image. A formidable competitor in Phillip's mind.

Jack, meanwhile, looked over at Sawyer briefly, before returning his attention to Phillip and his comment. "I did what I had to do to survive…to help everyone survive. Everybody did."

"Well, the, it's a good thing they had a top spinal surgeon on the flight." The other man replied, trying to sound sincere.

Jack decided at that moment he did not like this guy. Using the difference in height to his advantage, he leaned slightly over Phillip. "Something you got a problem with, Phillip?" he asked staring at the man.

"Jack…" Kate's voice came from behind.

Phillip got wide eyed and shook his head. "No, nothing, Jack." He said quickly with a smile. "I just think it's lucky that the rest of the survivors had you to lead them."

Claire came forward and nodded. "Actually, we were lucky Jack was there. He helped get us all organized when the rest of us weren't sure what to do."

Wanting to diffuse the situation Kate grabbed Phillip's arm. "Shouldn't we be going?" she asked quickly. "We have reservations, remember?"

Phillip nodded in agreement and pulled his gaze away from the other man. He reached out and grabbed Kate's hand and brought it up to his lips for a quick kiss. "That's right, we need to get going, don't we, sweetheart?" he gave her a smile then turned his attention back to the group. "Nice seeing you two." He glanced over and Sawyer and Claire. "Jack, pleasure meeting you." He added, the sincerity in his voice weak at best.

With one last kiss to Emma by Kate the couple left.

"A winner ain't he?" Sawyer commented a moment later after making sure they were gone. Claire reached over and smacked him in the arm. "What?" Sawyer protested with a small smirk.

"That's not nice." Claire reminded him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "It's the truth, ain't it?"

Glancing over at the kids to make sure they weren't listening, Claire slowly nodded her head causing Jack to give a low chuckle at the revelation. "He's a bit…she paused, searching for the right word.

"Pompous?" Sawyer supplied. "Egotistical? Pretentious?" He looked over at Jack and winked. "Didn't think I knew that word, huh, Doc?"

"He may be all that," Claire said, "But for Kate's sake, I overlook all that."

Jack was surprised. The way Kate had tried to paint the picture earlier this guy was wonderful. He just figured Claire and Sawyer thought the same.

"So, wait, you're telling me you guys aren't sold on this guy either?"

Sawyer quickly nodded. "This guy's a jerk."

"Okay, Aaron, Emma, go inside and wash your hands really good." Claire told the kids. "Dinner's almost ready."

As the children bounced inside the house she turned back to the two men. "You need to be careful. Aaron can be a parrot some days!"

"So, you two don't like Phillip?"

"Not really." Claire admitted. "I tried, really I did, but he's…difficult to take."

"Tried telling Freckles that when she started talking about getting serious. She got all worked up…thought she might throw me out of the house." Sawyer added.

"She wouldn't have done that." Claire said quickly. "But she wasn't up to hearing anything negative. I think she was afraid she'd end up agreeing with us."

Now Jack was floored. "You've got to be kidding! She's marrying the guy."

"I know, but he's very different from Kate. His lifestyle is just so…I don't know, materialistic and flashy, so not Kate." Claire told him as she saw the kids walk back out to the patio. "Okay, dinner time!" She announced, shelving the conversation for the time being.

Settling Emma next to him Jack helped her with a hot dog and some salad before serving himself some food. As they ate his mind kept wandering off and on to Kate and more specifically her relationship with Phillip. He had definitely come across as a very cocky man. The kind who was use to using his supposed wealth and sense of self-importance to try and intimidate others. Jack was quite familiar with men like him. Hell, his own father at times had played that game, so Phillip wasn't anything new or intimidating. Jack was surprised, thought, that Kate was involved with a man like him; a man who seemed to put so much effort into his image and how others perceived him. He seemed flashy and ready to let you know just how much he had and how important he thought himself to be. Kate was none of those things. While he knew she liked nice things she was not a materialistic person. And while Phillip was a good looking man and could be considered charming by some, Jack couldn't see that as reason enough for a serious relationship. Not when the guy was going to be a step father to her (and Jack's) daughter.

As if on cue he was brought out of his thoughts by a small hand tapping his forearm. He looked down to see a concerned Emma looking up at him.

"Daddy not eating?" she stated pointing to his plate of food that he had barely touched.

"You okay Jack?" Claire asked.

Smiling at Emma and then at Claire, he nodded. "I'm fine, just got momentarily distracted." He picked up his fork and took a couple of bites.

They finished the rest of dinner with light hearted conversation after which the children retreated inside to play while the grown ups cleaned up.

"I was going to give Emma her bath." Claire told Jack as they went inside. "But I'm sure that she would prefer that you tuck her in and maybe read her a story."

"Kate won't be back for that?" he asked.

Claire gave him a small smile. "Probably not, but she's always back before Emma's up for breakfast." She cringed the moment the words left her mouth realizing how that sounded, especially after she saw the hurt look that flashed in Jack's eyes briefly. _'Way to go, Claire.' _she thought to herself.

Watching the scene play out Sawyer decided to help out his girlfriend. "Hey, Doc, how about you and me watch a little wrestling?"

Jack turned to him with a surprised look, but glad for the interruption. "You serious? You know that's not real, right?"

Sawyer nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know." he placed a hand on Jack's shoulder and pushed him towards the den. "What is it with you people and your lack of appreciation for well-choreographed entertainment?"

Half an hour later as Jack sat on the couch watching an episode of World Wrestling he found himself relaxed and actually enjoying it…or rather enjoying Sawyer's comments and cracks about the show. He had to admit the more he had gotten to know the guy, the more he actually liked him. When he wasn't trying to be a hard ass Sawyer was actually a decent guy. And he did go to Los Angeles to get Jack to come to Seattle to find out about his daughter. He seemed to have a deep affection for Emma and for that Jack was grateful. It was nice to know he had looked out for her while Jack hadn't been around. He also seemed to annoy Phillip and for that, Jack was even more grateful. For once Sawyer's talent for getting under someone's skin would be a pleasure to watch.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Emma fresh from her bath, dressed in her pink Disney Princesses pajamas.

"Well, look who's already for bed." Sawyer commented.

"Not sleepy." Emma replied as she climbed up on the couch next to Jack and slipped into his lap.

With a smile Jack wrapped an arm around her and placed a small kiss on the side of her head. "Hummm…you smell like strawberries." He said softly. "Did Aunt Claire wash your hair?"

Nodding Emma snuggled into Jack's embrace enjoying the warmth. A moment later she tapped his arm to get his attention. "Daddy?"

Jack leaned down closer to her. "Yes?"

"Will you tuck me in when I get sleepy?" She asked sweetly.

Jack felt his heart melt. He couldn't remember ever getting a better request in his life. "Of course, I will. You just tell me when, okay?"

"Okay." Emma gave him a big smile then returned her attention to the television.

Aaron joined them a short time later also fresh from his bath and in his pajamas with train engines all over. He laid down on his stomach on the floor in front of the television resting his face on his hands. Aside from cartoons wrestling was his favorite program and Sawyer had been helping him learn the names of all the different wrestlers and what their "special skill" was. He had even brought home a couple of posters one day for Aaron to put up in his room. Something his mother had not found amusing at first, but when Aaron had pleaded with her and gave her his special puppy dog eyes she had given in.

"Hey, Shorty, where's your mama?" Sawyer asked him during a commercial.

With a small shrug he glanced back at the older man briefly. "She's on the phone with Melanie."

"Oh figures." Sawyer mumbled before pushing himself off the chair. "I'm gonna grab me a beer…Doc?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm good, thanks."

"Okay. Come on Shorty, let's get some popcorn while we're at it." He told Aaron.

By the time Claire had finished her phone call with her co-worker friend and madder her way to the den she found two drowsy children and two not so drowsy men watching the second half of the Spiderman movie, along with a half eaten bowl of popcorn between them.

Smiling Claire made her way over to her son who was now sitting on the couch leaning against Jack trying not to fall asleep. "Time for bed, sweetheart."

"Do I gotta?" Aaron asked with a big yawn.

"Yes, you gotta." She looked over at Emma still on Jack's lap looking just as tired. "You too young lady."

Emma, though, had no intention of fighting the fatigue. "Daddy tuck me in, 'member?" she mumbled with a yawn as she slipped off to stand.

Chuckling, the dark haired man stood up and picked Emma up in his arms. "Of course I remember, Angel." He told her softly.

Scooping Aaron up in her arms Claire led Jack down the hall to the kids' respective bedrooms, leaving Jack at the door.

Carrying Emma to her bed he bent down and with one arm securing the little girl to his shoulder he used his free hand to pull back the covers. "Okay, kiddo, in you go." He told her and she made her way under the blanket. Reaching over to the table next to them he grabbed her stuffed rabbit and placed in securely in her arms. "There, you all set?"

"Read me a story Daddy." The little girl replied, the signs of sleep gone from her voice.

Jack looked at her in surprise. "A story? Sweetie, aren't you sleepy?"

She shook her head. "Pwease."

Unable to refuse her Jack looked around. "Where's your storybooks?" His gaze followed her finger to the small bookcase across the room and a minute later the two were settled in for the reading of Sleeping Beauty. It didn't take very long for Emma's little eyes to fall closed and her breathing to even out letting Jack know she was finally asleep.

When he returned to the living room he found Claire alone watching television. Spying him she gave him a smile and waved him over to sit down.

"So all tucked in?" she asked cheerfully.

"Oh yeah. She wanted a story, but she's out like a light now."

"Aaron too, though he tried to fight it a bit."

"So, where's Sawyer?"

"Oh, he went to bed to read. I got him a murder mystery novel, actually a whole series, and he's all wrapped up in it."

Jack laughed. "I have to admit, I've never quite gotten used to the image of him as an avid reader. It just doesn't fit his personality."

"Oh I know. Remember those glasses he wore on the island?" Claire joined in with laughter. "He did look like a roughed up Harry Potter….but you know, he really does enjoy it. A lot of times he's the one that takes the kids to the library on Saturdays for story time."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. They sometimes have puppet shows or they have story props for the kids to hold during the reading. You know, things to make it more fun and the kids really like it. They can even get Sawyer to stop for ice cream sometimes even if we do tell him it spoils their dinner…" Claire trailed off when she saw the sad look on Jack's face. "What's wrong?"

He shook it off. "Nothing. I was just thinking how he's doing things with me daughter that I should have been doing."

Claire reached over and gently touched his forearm in sympathy. "It was never like he was trying to be her father, Jack."

He nodded but didn't say anything, instead he looked down at the floor. Claire felt bad for him, for having missed out on this time with his daughter. She couldn't image not being there when Aaron took his first steps or said his first word. A part of her felt guilty for not trying harder to convince Kate to tell him the truth sooner.

"You know," she said softly. "none of that is important now. What matters is that you're here now and Emma is thrilled. She's gotten so attached to you in such a short amount of time and nobody, not Sawyer, not Phillip, would ever be able to fill that place for her."

Jack grimaced at the mention of Kate's fiancé. "Except that Phillip is going to be her stepfather and he'll probably end up spending more time with her than I will." He said as he abruptly stood up. "She'll probably end up crazy over him like Kate."

Claire stood up as well. "Kate is hardly crazy over him." She said firmly.

"Oh really? Well, she's wearing his ring, isn't she?"

Claire nodded. "But that's more of a reactionary gesture than anything else."

"Right."

"Jack, if Kate was crazy in love, don't you think she would have set a date by now? Or maybe even gotten married at the courthouse?"

The dark haired man looked over at her in curiosity. "I just figured they were still trying to find a compatible date, what with his business."

"Please." Claire replied dismissively, her Australian accent sounding a little heavier. "If it was up to Phillip they would have already set the date and be knee deep in the middle of plans. Kate is the one dragging her feet. And she won't even consider moving in with him."

Hearing this Jack cracked a smile. "Oh really?"

"Ah huh. So, Dr. Shepard, if you have any intentions of trying to get her back you need to start working on a plan."

"And what makes you think that's my intention?"

"You two were so in love before and I've seen the way you look at her, just like you did on the island. And believe me, women dream of having a man look at them like that."

Jack blushed and smiled for a moment, then his face turned serious. "She's engaged. And I'm sure now that I'm here Phillip is going to pull out all the stops where's Kate's concerned."

"Maybe," Claire conceded with a grin. "But Phillip doesn't have what you have going for him." She said slipping her arm through his.

"And what's that?"

The two made their way back over to the couch. "Well, for one whether she's ready to admit it or not, Kate is not over you, not by a long shot. She's just too scared to do anything about it."

"Okay." The two sat back down on the couch.

"And more importantly, you have three big guns in your camp ready to help. Me, Sawyer and…Emma."

Jack let out a small laugh at his friend's assessment. "Are you suggesting I use our daughter?"

"Every chance you get, buddy." Claire said firmly. "That bond you two have because of her, its one that Phillip can't break or make go away. Use it."

Jack let out a sigh as he sunk into the couch cushions. At this point he was willing to admit to himself and Claire that he did in fact want Kate back despite her lying to him about Emma and being engaged to another man. He still loved her. "Where do I start?"

Claire leaned back next to him. "I've got some ideas."

"You know, I always feel bad for Ducky." Claire commented as the pair were in the first few minutes of one of Claire's favorite movies, _Pretty in Pink_ . "I mean, he really loved Andie."

"Well, he did have a fling with the record store owner." Jack pointed out. "And he did end up with that blonde at the prom, so it wasn't a total loss."

"Well, maybe, but she wasn't Andie."

"No, but if I remember in high school scoring an older woman was a pretty good thing."

Claire laughed. She still couldn't believe it when Jack had admitted that he was a fan of the John Hughes movies. "Maybe I feel bad for the Ducky character 'cause I went to high school with a couple of Duckys."

"Oh really? So, did that make you an Andie?" Jack teased.

Claire shook her head. "I was way too dark to be Andie. I was more gothic…like the Audry character Ali Sheedy played in Breakfast Club." She admitted. "Before the makeover, of course."

"You gothic? Hard to imagine."

"What about you, Jack?" Claire turned the conversation back to him. "I know you weren't a Ducky in high school."

"How can you be sure?" Jack asked.

Claire cocked her head to the side and looked at him. "Oh please, look at you. Tall, dark, handsome…heroic…you were the Homecoming King."

He laughed. "Actually I lost out to Larry Carter. He was the quarterback on the team."

"So, were you were more like a rich boy Blane…or the hunky guy in a red sportscar in Sixteen Candles…Jake."

Still laughing Jack shook his head. "Definitely not Jake. I drove a truck."

Claire nudged him. "So…who then?"

"Okay, if I had to pick, it would probably be the Emilio Estevez character in the Breakfast Club."

"The football player?"

"Yeah."

"You played football?"

"Wide receiver…high school and college."

"Wow," Claire said amazed. "Who knew? So, you ever duct tape some guy's butt cheeks?"

"No, but I did have the type of father that pushed you to excel." He replied off handily. "Though he preferred I did it academically, not on the football field."

Claire was thrown off by Jack's reference to his father, the man that could very well be her father as well. She suddenly wanted to know more. "You dad was… pushy?" She croaked out.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "He had his ideas and expectations for his son and I didn't always…agree."

Claire nervously pulled at her shirt sleeve. "So, you two didn't get along?"

"Well, about as well as any head strong man and his equally stubborn son." He joked not really wanting to get into anything further.

"That's too bad." Claire said quietly before turning her attention back to the TV screen. Part of her was anxious to learn more about the man, but knew at this point it would be odd to ask more questions without asking why.

The two turned their attention back to the movie and were just getting to the part of the prom when Kate arrived home. She was surprised to find Jack was still there and Jack was surprised, pleasantly, to see that she was home and not staying at Phillips.

"We were just watching Pretty in Pink." Claire chirped. "Jack is a John Hughes fan." She winked at the slightly blushing man.

"Yeah, I remember." Kate said softly, not sure how to react since she and Jack hadn't said anything to each other after their argument earlier.

Sensing the tension between the two Claire reached over and shut off the TV. "I'm going to go to bed." She offered. "Sawyer's probably already asleep and I should make sure he didn't fall asleep with his face in the book." She added quickly and excused herself with a goodnight before either of them could say anything else.

"Subtle, isn't she?" Jack quipped. Kate gave him a small smile.

Not sure what to say next Jack glanced at his watch a bit nervously. "It's late, I should probably…"

"I'm sorry." Kate said suddenly. "About earlier, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

Jack's eyes seemed to warm at her apology. "I could probably have reacted better too."

Kate smiled at his automatic attempt to shoulder some of the blame for their fight. _Did he even realize he did that?_ She thought. "You were just trying to look out for Emma." She replied out loud.

"For you too." He replied quickly before he had a chance to stop himself.

"Me?"

He nodded slowly silently debating his next words. "Kate, those things, what you were saying about Phillip, are those things that important to you?" he asked softly, trying to meet her gaze, search those green eyes he knew so well for the answer.

"What things?"

"The trips, the jewelry…gifts?"

She shook her head looking down at her feet for a moment. "No, of course not!"

He nodded but didn't say anything, happy to see she hadn't changed _that much_.

"Phillip's not a bad guy." Kate continued. "He's proud of what he's accomplished and he likes to enjoy the benefits."

"Okay."

"What Jack?"

"Nothing, Kate."

Drawing her hands to her hips she flashed him a look that told him she didn't believe him.

"He came off a little strong." He finally admitted.

"I know, but he was probably just a bit nervous." Kate defended. "He won't admit it, but this whole situation has thrown him for a loop."

"He should try being in my shoes." Jack mumbled then looked away for a moment. "Sorry."

Kate shook her head. "Don't be." She reached out and gently touched his arm looking up into those dark brown eyes that she knew so well. "Look, Jack, this situation is…for lack of a better word, awkward, for all of us. But we need to make it work for all our sakes, especially Emma."

"I know." He replied softly as he nodded his head. "We'll make it work."

Kate gave him a small smile and nodded as well. "Good, because she is so thrilled that you're here it's not even funny."

Jack's face seemed to brighten up at her comment. "You think so?"

"I know so." Kate's face went serious. "You know, she had asked me about you just before you showed up."

"Yeah?"

"She wanted to know about you and where you were."

Jack was surprised. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her that her daddy was a doctor in L.A. and that while he didn't know about her, I knew that when he did find out, that nothing would stop him from being with her and loving her." She told him emotionally. "And I was right."

Jack was touched by what the young woman had said to their daughter. "So, you always knew I wouldn't walk away from this…from her?"

She nodded. "Never doubted it." She replied firmly.

He grinned and shoved his hands in his front pockets of his jeans. The stood there for a moment losing in each other's gaze before remembering their current situation. "I should probably go." Jack said softly. "It's getting late."

Kate nodded reluctantly. "Yeah." She followed him to the front door. "Ahum…you know, Emma has ballet class in the morning…"

"Oh, okay." He jumped in. "I guess I can see her after."

"Or you could come with us." Kate offered up quickly.

Jack was surprised by her invitation. "You wouldn't mind?"

"No, of course not. But I warn you, there's only one other dad in the group." She teased. "And the rest of the mothers are going to be wanting to know all about you."

He chuckled. "Okay, consider me warned."

Holding the door she nodded, feeling good that she had extended the invitation. "Oh, also, we'll probably be taking Aaron to his soccer game after, unless you want to beg off of that."

"No, that's okay. I can go."

Kate grinned. "Okay, well, then, I'll see you in the morning then."

Jack returned her smile. "I'll be here."

"I'll have the coffee ready for you."

Chuckling he turned to leave but then stopped a moment later looking back at the brunette. "I…ahum…didn't get a chance to thank you earlier for letting me read the baby journal." He said sincerely.

"So you liked it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it was really nice. I'm glad you decided to keep a record of the pregnancy."

She nodded. "I thought it was important since you weren't…you know, here." She finished in a small voice.

He bobbed his head in agreement. "Thanks for the pictures of Emma too. I got to show them to my mom and Marc before I left."

Kate was surprised somewhat. "You told your mom then?"

"Yeah, I needed to tell her why I was leaving and I thought she needed to know."

Kate looked down at the floor for a moment then looked up. "What did she say?" She was almost frightened to hear the answer fearing Margo now hated her.

Jack guessed her anxiousness. "Well, she's excited about being a grandmother. She can't wait to meet Emma."

"That's good." She shifted from one foot to another. "I'm sure she probably hates me now."

Jack shook his head. "Actually I think she's reserving judgment at this point. She figures you had your reasons…" he trailed off. "I'm not sure she agrees with them."

Kate nodded as she pressed her lips together. She expected Margo to be angry with her, even confront her the next time they saw each other, so the idea that she was attempting to keep an open mind seemed like a bonus. The last thing she wanted was for Emma to not be accepted by Jack's family, his mother in particular.

"Well, at least she wants to meet Emma." She said softly.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, she does."

The conversation trailed off and after a moment Jack cleared his throat.

"Well, I'll go." He announced.

"Okay."

"So, I'll see you in the morning."

Kate nodded. "Okay."

"Good Night."

"Night."

**TBC**

_**Coming Up: Claire get her news and Jack reacts. **_


	50. Ch 50 My Brother My Brother

_**A/N: Yes, I'm still alive and still writing this story. Unfortunately, I'm also working full time and attending school part time so I'm trying….I also started another Jate story that is different from this one – I started it when I was lacking Jate interaction in this story! I will post that one after this, but I hope to have most of it written when I do. Anyway, here is the next chapter. As usual let me know what you think, please. Reviews are my drug and I am always in the need of a fix. They pushed me to keep digging out the pen and small notepad out of my purse when I'm at McDonalds. **_

_**As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song "My Brother, My Brother" sung by Aaron Neville. **_

**CHAPTER 50 - My Brother, My Brother**

_**You are my Brother, you are my family  
And it seems like only yesterday, we were running wild and free  
Down the corner buying candy, or messin' 'round in the neighborhood  
Hanging out with you night and day, it was good, so good  
Lately I've heard you've got the weight of the world on your shoulder  
Times have been rough, I can't turn the other way  
My Brother, my Brother, whatcha gonna do  
My Brother, my Brother, here to help you  
Tell me your sorrows, tell me your fears  
My Brother, my Brother, I'll always be here  
I know that we are different, and we've gone our separate way  
But we've got to learn to accept each other, for who we are today  
I know it won't be easy, but we both have got to try  
To hold onto each other, until the day we die  
Nobody knows you quite the way that I do  
And if you're in trouble, come to me, come to me  
My Brother, my Brother, whatcha gonna do  
My Brother, my Brother, I'm here to help you  
Tell me your sorrows, tell me your fears  
My Brother, my Brother, I'll always be here  
Whatcha gonna do  
I'm here to help you  
Tell me  
We got the same blood running through our veins, my Brother  
Father is the heaven, Mother is the grave  
We gotta look out for each other, my Brother  
Yeah, that's what we gotta do I  
**_

* * *

The next morning as promised Jack found himself back at the house ready to join Kate and the kids in their Saturday activities. He joined them for a light breakfast where he learned that not only was Claire going in to work, but Sawyer had lined up a side job for most of the day as well.

Loading the kids in the car, the two made their way over to Emma's ballet class where a small group of parents were already forming in the lounge outside of the classroom. Emma rushed into the studio and excitedly approached her teacher pulling Jack by the hand.

"Hello, Emma." The young woman greeted the little girl cheerfully as she looked at the man next to her. "Who's this?"

"This is my daddy, Ms. Nichols." Emma told her proudly. "He came to watch me do ballet."

"Well, that's wonderful." Ms. Nichols extended her hand. "Nice to meet you, I'm Felicia Nichols."

"Nice to meet you too, I'm Jack Shepard." He returned her handshake with a smile as he glanced around the studio. "Looks like you've got your hands full here."

Felicia laughed. "Oh yeah, but the girls are great. Your daughter is a sweetie and one of my best dancers."

"Oh really?" He looked down at a beaming Emma. "Well, that's nice to hear. I can't wait to see her dance."

"You know, if you'd like, you're welcomed to stay in the studio and watch, rather than looking through the window in the door." The teacher offered up. "You could sit in the corner over there."

Glancing back at Kate and Aaron Jack shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but I…we have a little boy with us and I don't see him sitting still for too long. It would be disruptive."

"Are you going to watch me Daddy?" Emma's voice came up, laced with a hint of disappointment.

Bending down to her level Jack brushed at her bangs. "Of course I'm going to watch you, Angel. I'll be right out there with Mommy and Aaron watching through that window, okay?"

Nodding her head she gave him a small smile. "Okay." She said softly. Ever since her mother told her earlier that morning that Jack would be coming with them to class Emma couldn't have been more excited. She wanted to show him what she had learned and show him off to the other kids in the class.

As Felicia went around getting the girls together for class Jack made his way back over to the lounge and found Kate at a group of chairs with Aaron, who was playing an electronic game.

"Did you meet Ms. Nichols?" Kate asked as he sat down on a chair next to her.

"Yeah, she seems nice."

"She is and she's a good teacher, very patient with the kids."

Just then they were approached by two women, who appeared a little older than Kate. "Good Morning Kate." One of the women greeted.

"Shirley, Alice, hi." Kate smiled then watched as they eyed Jack. "This is Jack…Emma's father." She disclosed.

"Her father? Oh, I haven't seen you here before." Shirley, the redhead, commented as she shook his hand.

"No, this is my first time here." Jack confessed as he turned and shook Alice's hand.

"Jack's job kept him out of town for awhile." Kate piped up quickly. "He's a surgeon."

Alice's eyes grew large. "A surgeon, really? Oh, that sounds like such an exciting job."

Jack gave Kate a quick side glance. "Yeah…it can be."

"Well, your Emma is a doll. I see she got her genes from both sides of the family." Shirley commented with a smile at Jack.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Actually, I think she looks more like Kate…right down to the freckles." He smiled over at Kate with his last comment. Giving him an embarrassed smile, she looked down at her feet.

Excusing himself from the group Jack got up and walked over to the window and looked in. Searching the group he found Emma near the front of the room following the teacher as they moved through some warm up exercises before starting the dance moves.

As he watched her push out a pointed toe and work on keeping her balance he marveled at the little girl and the idea that she was his. Fatherhood hadn't been an idea he embraced at all during his marriage to Sarah, insecure in his ability at being a good father, but that all changed the minute he had laid eyes on the pint size little angel that was currently twirling and bending trying to perfect a turn. Emma had brought out emotions and instincts he didn't realize were in him. A love so fierce and strong that he knew he could easily kill anyone who would harm her and not think twice about it. She was teaching him that he did have the capacity to be a good father…if he continued to trust his instincts.

As the children moved into another formation Emma looked over at the door and with a big grin on her little face gave Jack a wave before lining up next to another student.

"She's looks so sweet, huh?" Kate's voice filled his thoughts.

When he turned and looked he found Kate had come to his side and was watching as well. "Yeah." He agreed before turning back to the group.

"She's so excited you came to watch, Jack." Kate continued. "She was telling the other girls about how you were here in Seattle to spend time with her."

He chuckled before the sight of Emma falling on her backside made him wince.

"She's okay." Kate said quickly as they watched the teacher help Emma up with some encouraging words. "They fall all the time, but they don't get hurt."

"That's good to know."

"Truthfully, I'm more worried about next year when she's old enough to sign up for soccer." Kate told him.

"She wants to play soccer?"

"Yeah, I'm not crazy about the idea, but she watches Aaron play and she sees its fun."

"Blame yourself for that one." Jack said.

"How is it my fault?"

"You and that 'tom boy' spirit of yours. Naturally, our daughter would want to run and jump and kick…like the boys."

Turning towards him Kate put her hands on her hips. "I'll remind you that soccer isn't just a boys sport anymore. Plenty of girls are playing and they're good at it."

Jack laughed at her apparent indignation. "That's not what I meant. I'm just saying it's not surprising we may have a little 'tom boy' on our hands."

"Humpf, very funny." She turned back and glanced at the class watching them moving around once again. "I think it's more of an adventurous spirit and that…she got from both of us."

The rest of the class went smoothly and after it was over and Emma had changed into regular clothes the group made their way over to the park for Aaron's soccer game.

Arriving at the park Kate led them over to where Aaron's team was starting to gather and watched as he quickly ran over to join the other kids dressed in the same uniform.

As Jack watched all the kids running around warming up and some of the parents setting up the refreshment tables he felt a little out of place.

"A little daunting, isn't it?" Kate commented.

He smirked noticing how she could still read him so well. "Never been to one of these things."

"You'll get use to it. Just wait until tournament play…that gets a bit crazy with all the different team playing in one place and all the parents running around."

"Oh?"

She patted him on the chest, without even realizing she was doing it, "We'll have to get you a Mill Town Mustangs shirt." She teased, referring to the name of Aaron's team. "Just try to avoid Betty over there…she'll rope you into bringing in refreshments and snacks every chance she can."

Laughing Jack was interrupted by an excited Aaron who had run up to the couple. "Jack! Jack! Come watch me make a goal!" he pleaded grabbing the older man's hand and tugging.

With Emma by her side, Kate smiled and nodded her head indicating Jack should go with the little boy. Emma on the other hand had other ideas.

"How come daddy is going with him?" She asked somewhat indignant.

"Because Aaron wants to show him how he kicks a goal." Kate replied with a smile as she watched the little boy line up behind the soccer ball to kick it.

"But he's my daddy!" Emma replied with a pout.

Surprised by her reaction Kate reached down and picked up the little girl, smoothing out the front of her t-shirt. "Of course he's your daddy, Sweat Pea." She kissed the side of Emma's head. "But that doesn't mean he can't be friends with Aaron."

"And pway with Aaron?" Emma mumbled as she watched Jack high five Aaron on his practice goal.

"Well, yes, sometimes."

"I don't want him to play with Aaron!" She insisted. "He's my daddy, not Aaron's!"

Wanting to head off a potential tantrum Kate started to walk over to the snack table. "You want some juice, Doodle Bug?"

Emma shook her head no. "Down pwease." She requested.

Putting her down Kate reached for her wallet. "How about a granola bar?" she offered up as she purchased some juice and the bars.

Emma looked at the items with little interest. "Can we go home, mommy?" she asked. It looked like Cranky Emma was threatening to make an appearance.

"Not yet, baby. Aaron has to play his game, you know that. And then I thought after we could go have lunch. Wouldn't you like that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Can we leave Aaron at home?"

"No, baby, we can't leave him at home. Nobody's there." She replied firmly. She grabbed the snacks she had purchased and put them in her backpack then took Emma's hand and guided her over to the bleachers. "Let's go find somewhere to sit."

As they took their seats Kate noticed that Jack was still on the field with Aaron, chatting with one of the parents.

"Mommy, is daddy going to stay there?" Emma asked as she pointed out to the field.

"No, he'll be here in a minute." Kate said cheerfully. "Why don't you save him that seat, okay?"

Jack finally made his way off the field and to the bleachers as the teams got set to start the game. He spotted Kate, who gave him a quick wave.

"Sit here, Daddy." Emma commanded pointing to the empty space next to her.

With a grin Jack nodded and took the spot. Immediately Emma climbed up and sat on his lap laying herself against his chest. Smiling at the scene Kate handed him a granola bar and upon offering the little girl a juice bar Emma happily reached out for it. _'So much for insecurity.' _Kate thought to herself as she settled back and focused on the game.

* * * *

Claire made her way back over to the nurse's station joining her co-worker, Hildy, who was busy re-filing some charts.

"Hey, do you have the chart for Mr. Ferguson in 508?" Hildy asked.

"Yeah, I do." Claire pulled out one of the charts from the three she had been carrying.

"Thanks."

Positioning herself next to the other woman, Claire flipped open one of the charts and started making some notations.

"So, any big plans for tonight with that hot guy of yours?" Hildy asked.

"Does pizza and a movie at home count?" Claire replied as she scribbled notes in the chart.

"Well, if it involves a man then it counts." Hildy told her with a smirk.

"Guess I'm ahead of the game then, since mine involves two." Claire joked, referring to Aaron.

"Some girls get all the breaks!"

Their conversation was interrupted by the low vibrating hum coming from Claire's pocket. Pulling out her cell phone she saw Sayid's name in the caller I.D.

Flipping it open she walked away from the nurse's station to a more secluded corner. "Hello?"

"Claire, hello. It's Sayid. How are you?"

"I'm fine, you?"

"I'm doing well. I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?"

"No, of course not." She could feel her heart start to beat a little faster as she tried to keep her voice even. "Did you find out something?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did. It took a bit of digging around, even made a trip down to Australia." He told her.

"And?" She asked anxiously.

"Well, Christian Shepard did purchase the house you and your mother lived in. He was listed in the property records as a secondary interest holder. Of course, his name never appeared on the actual land deed, which is why you never knew. He made sure it was titled to your mother."

"Okay." Claire let out a breath she was holding. "But that doesn't prove he was my father."

"No," Sayid replied coolly. "But then nothing that I turned up will prove beyond a doubt that outright. All of it is more circumstantial."

"Like what?"

"Well, phone records that showed he called your home on a regular basis for quite some time. He took more than one trip to Sydney and always alone. Plus there's the matter of the money."

"What money?" Claire asked surprised.

"About three months before you were born a set amount of money was deposited into your mother's bank account. Initially all that it included was the routing number of the account the money came from, but no name. I was finally able to track it down to a man by the name of Harvey Coleman from Los Angeles."

"I don't know anyone by that name." Claire told him. "Who is he?"

Sayid remained silent for a moment. "He was the attorney for Christian Shepard, up until his death."

Claire took in a sharp breath. All signs were pointing to the idea that Christian Shepard was her father. The same man that was Jack's father, which meant that she and Jack really were brother and sister. That Jack was actually Aaron's uncle.

"Claire?" Sayid's voice drew her attention back to the phone call.

"I'm sorry?"

"I was just saying everything we found is all circumstantial. If you want to prove this in court, you'll need a DNA test."

Claire shook her head. "I don't need to prove it in court. I need to prove it to Jack." She said softly.

"You may still need a test." He commented. "I'm not certain how Jack is going to react to this."

Neither did Claire. "Do you think he'll be really upset?" She asked a little fearful.

Sayid was silent for a moment. "I don't know for sure. I do know that things between he and his father were never easy." He said. "I can't imagine learning his father kept this deception is going to be easy."

"I guess not."

"How are you doing with this news?"

Claire remained quiet for a moment. "It feels…weird." She finally said not sure how to sum up her feelings.

"Well, I imagine that it would but at least you found the answer you were looking for." He pointed out.

'_Yeah, but now what?'_ She thought to herself. _'How do I tell Jack?'_

She heard Sayid clear his voice and realized he was waiting for her to respond.

"Thank you so much Sayid, for all your help on this." She told him sincerely.

"Anytime, and just so you know I'm sending you a report on the investigation along with the information and documents that I located."

"Okay,I appreciate that. I hope you're also sending me a bill for this."

"I do not charge my friends." Sayid told her.

"But…"

"It was a favor, Claire." He replied firmly. "Perhaps you can pay me back sometime."

Claire laughed. "Okay, I'm not sure how, but if you ever do need me, I'll be there."

"Thank you. I've got to go. Say hello to everyone for me." He replied and with a quick goodbye, the conversation was over. As Claire slipped her phone back into her pocket she made her way back to the nurses station, her mind on a man she barely know – Christian Shepard.

Later that day Claire entered her home and found the front living room empty. Kate's car was in the driveway so she knew the brunette was probably home. Ducking into her bedroom she found a napping Sawyer stretched out on the bed asleep. Smiling at the sight, she quietly went to the dresser and pulled out some clothes. With her back to the bed she stepped out of her scrubs and was standing in her underwear when she heard a soft wolf whistle.

"How about you join me for a little afternoon break?" Sawyer suggested, his southern accent in full twang.

With another important task on her mind Claire slipped a t-shirt over her head and walked over to the bed. "I thought you were asleep." She said, sitting down on the edge next to him.

"Heard you come in." He ran a finger up and down her arm. "So, you interested in that break?" He gave her a dimpled smile.

Finding it hard to resist the smile Claire thought about it briefly, the idea of delaying the inevitable a little longer almost as appealing as a bare-chested Sawyer lying under the covers.

"Tempting as that sounds," she bent down and kissed him quickly. "I probably should go check on Aaron."

"I'm sure he's fine with Freckles and Doc." Sawyer countered, slipping his hand under the hem of her shirt.

She quickly pushed his hand back and stood up. "That may be, but I haven't seen him all day and I am his mother." She reached for a pair of sweat pants and slipped them on. Figuring that she had hurt Sawyer's feeling with her rejection, she walked back over and touched his cheek gently. "How about we pick this up later tonight?" She suggested in a low voice.

A few minutes later she found the children in the kitchen with Jack and Kate giggling and chatting over bowls of ice cream. Standing at the door she watched Aaron as he talked about the soccer game in between spoonfuls of ice cream while Jack listened and commented at the appropriate times while still giving Emma his attention as well.

Aaron has really taken a liking to Jack, all without knowing they were related. She hoped that once that information came out things wouldn't change and the two would get closer. A big part of the reason she had started the search for her father was to give her son a family, some history he could hold on to as he grew up. She had been shocked to discover that Jack could be her half brother, but now as she thought more about it, the idea of having Jack Shepard, someone she already knew, liked and trusted, as a family member was a pretty good coincidence.

"Mommy, can I have more whip cream?" Emma's voice caught Claire's attention as she returned her thoughts to the scene in front of her.

"Hey, what's going on here? Claire greeted as she walked in and wrapped her arms around Aaron's small shoulders, giving him a kiss on top of his head.

"Hi Mommy!" the little boy greeted looking up at her with a big grin.

"We're having ice cream!" Emma announced cheerfully.

"I can see that." Claire replied before greeting Jack and Kate. "How was the game?"

"We won!" Aaron piped up proudly. "Three to two!" he held up fingers to represent each number.

"Aaron assisted with the winning goal." Jack added with a small wink in the little boy's direction.

"You did? Oh, sweetheart, that's great." Claire gushed and planted another kiss on the side of his head. "I'm so proud of you."

"One more win and they're in the playoffs." Kate told her friend as she picked up the empty bowls and placed them in the sink.

"Well, I'll have to make sure to come watch you in the playoffs." Claire told him cheerfully. "Sawyer too."

Nodding, Aaron looked over at Jack. "You're coming too, right Jack?"

Jack grinned, touched that the little boy wanted him there. "Of course I'll be there." He replied.

Claire was touched as well that her son had asked. Trying to gather her courage to tell him her news she busied herself pouring some iced tea in glass. Her chance came when Kate suggested Aaron and Emma go play outside.

"Gives them a chance to burn off some of that sugar." She told Jack. "They bounce off the walls it'll be your fault."

"What? Why my fault?"

"Who suggested ice cream as a treat to celebrate the soccer game victory?" Kate asked in teasing manner.

Jack grinned from across the table. "Well, whose idea was it to add chocolate syrup and whipped cream to the mix?"

Kate grinned back. "Yeah, well, if we were going to celebrate we should do it right."

Sitting down at the table Claire softly cleared her throat and interrupted their banter. "Ahum…Jack, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Sure."

She glanced over at Kate who immediately thought she wanted some privacy, so the brunette stood up. "I'll just leave you two…"

"No! Stay!" Claire said loudly, then realized how panicked she sounded, so she quickly let out a breath. "I want you to hear this."

It took Kate a moment to figure out what 'this' was most likely about. Nodding, she sat back down. "Okay."

Interlocking her fingers Claire nervously bounced her hands on the table surface as she tried to sort her thoughts.

"Claire, what is it?" Jack asked her gently, noticing her demeanor.

"I've been looking for my father." She told him. "I didn't really know him. He wasn't around when I was growing up." She started off softly, keeping her gaze down at her hands.

Confused Jack looked over at Kate in hopes of some explanation, but only got a small smile instead.

"I met him only one time…after my mother's accident. He came to the hospital to see her…me. At the time I didn't really want much to do with him. I was mad at him for not being there for my mom and me." She fiddled with her fingers as her mind flashed back to that particular day when she had walked into her mother's hospital room and found him sitting there holding her unconscious mother's hand.

"_I'm your father." He had said as if it was the most natural thing in the world…him being there. _

"I didn't even know his name." She commented, part of her attention back with the memory. "All I knew was that he was an American doctor with a family back in the States…in California." She looked over at Jack. "My mother died without telling me who he was and my aunt Lindsey refused to even talk about him. Taking a long drink of her iced tea she took another deep breath. She knew that Jack was probably growing impatient with her explanation since he had no clue where all this was leading or how he was involved.

"Aunt Louise was the one that actually convinced Lindsey to send me a box of mom's papers and stuff. We were looking through them when we found a picture of my mom with this man and Kate recognized him."

"Really?" Jack turned to Kate. "You ended up knowing the guy?"

Kate shook her head. "I never met him. I just recognized him from pictures I had seen before."

Now Jack was more confused and losing some patience. "Claire, what's going on? Who is this guy?"

Claire exchanged a look with Kate who nodded encouragingly. "His name is…Christian Shepard." She finally announced.

Jack stared at her dumbfounded, not sure he had heard her right. "What?"

"We have the same father."

**TBC**

**Coming up**: Jack's reaction, of course!! And more Jate interaction. __


	51. Ch 51 We Are Family

_A/N: _

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor do I own the song _

**CHAPTER 51 - **

* * *

_**Last time:**_

"_I'm pretty certain my father is Christian Shepard." Claire finally announced._

_Jack stared at her dumbfounded, not sure he heard her right. "What?"_

"_We have the same father." She said looking at him trying to gauge his reaction. _

Jack jumped to his feet abruptly, his face holding an expression of shock. "You're kidding, right? This is some kind of joke?"

"Jack…" Kate started to speak up.

"It's impossible. He's not your father." Jack continued. "He only had one child – me."

"He is!" Claire replied coming to her feet. "I have pictures of him with my mother and Sayid checked it out…"

"You brought Sayid into this?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, he's a private investigator and I thought…"

"Did you think of coming to me first?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Jack, don't." Kate interjected.

He turned and looked at her, disbelief on his face. "Don't what, Kate? Don't ask why she didn't tell me this story sooner? Or why she thinks I would believe this?"

"Because it's true!" Claire yelled out, tears forming in her eyes. She wasn't sure how she expected Jack to react to the news, but she didn't think he would accuse her of lying." It's true."

"What the hell is going on in here?" Sawyer's voice boomed as he made his way into the kitchen.

Claire ignored him for a moment wiping here eyes as she looked at Jack. "Sayid found records that showed your father bought the house my mom and I lived in when I was younger. And he was having money sent to my mom every month."

Stunned Jack didn't reply. Instead he pushed his way past Sawyer and headed for the front door.

"Jack?" Claire called out weakly before bursting into tears.

Kate, on the other hand, didn't think twice. She followed out after Jack to his car. "Jack, wait!" She called out as she ran down the driveway. "Wait!"

He stopped at the door to this car. "I can't go back in there, not right now." He told her, his voice ripe with emotion.

She nodded and reached for the handle on the passenger door. "Fair enough."

Looking at the determined expression on her face he thought for a moment of arguing against her idea of coming with him. But he changed his mind when he realized he actually wanted her company.

Unlocking the doors he joined her in the vehicle and pulled away. He was silent as he drove and Kate didn't try to make him talk. She knew she had to let him try and process what he had just learned. Turning her attention to the window she watched the scenery go by as he maneuvered his way through the streets. She wondered if he knew where he was going or if he was just driving.

A short time later Jack pulled the jeep into the parking lot of a city park, the same one he had taken Emma to when he first came back to Seattle. Still not saying anything Jack got out of the jeep and started walking with Kate close behind. Because it was late in the afternoon there were just a few people in the playground and a group of young guys playing a baseball game a short distance away.

Sitting down on top of a picnic table he stared out at the area in front of him seemingly watching the game. "Do you think it's true?" he finally asked a couple of minutes later.

Kate glanced sideways at him and nodded. "Yeah, I do." He nodded but kept staring straight ahead so she continued. "I saw the pictures Claire got from her aunt. Your dad definitely knew Claire's mom. And they looked…cozy."

Jack let out a ragged chuckle. "You know, I always knew he could be a son of a bitch, but I didn't know just how much. The idea that he had a daughter with another woman is bad enough, but the fact that he kept all of this from my mom and me…" He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck.

"I'm sure he had his reasons." Kate said quietly, knowing how tough a time he was having trying to reconcile all of this. His relationship with his father having been a complicated pull between love, anger and disappointment she knew this was bringing up old wounds.

Jack slowly turned and looked at her. "What reason could he possibly have for keeping the fact that he had this whole other family a secret, Kate?" he demanded. "He lied to me the last 20 years of his life. And I'm just supposed to say, oh, okay, he had his reasons and accept it?"

"Nobody's saying you have to just accept all of this just like that."

"Really? Because that's the impression I got back at the house from Claire." He shot back jumping to his feet.

Kate did the same and grabbed his arm. "Hey! Claire is just as much a victim in all of this as you are. She was just trying to connect with her father, to find out who he was." She told him. "She wanted Aaron to have some family."

"Why didn't she come to me sooner?"

"Because she didn't even know his name when she first started looking for him. Her mother never told her who her dad was and the only time she met him was when her mother was in the hospital and all he told her was that he was a doctor in the States with a family."

Jack looked at her stunned. "He went to Australia to see her?" He asked then closed his eyes after she nodded. "Son of a bitch!" he whispered.

"What?"

"That was why he was in Sydney when he died. He must have gone there to try and see Claire…try and connect with his other child…especially after he thought his son had betrayed him."

"Jack…" Kate touched his arm.

Jack shook his head. "No, it makes sense. He used to go on trips when I was younger. Told my mom and me he was working on some clinical fellowship in Sydney. It was suppose to be this prestigious thing. All along it was an excuse to go see them."

He couldn't believe it. He couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that his father had lied, that he had a sister…that _Claire_ was his sister. Frustrated he got up and started walking towards the swing sets nearby. Taking a seat in one of the swings he watched as Kate mimicked him and slid into the swing next to him. They stayed silent for a moment, each pushing slightly on their swing.

"I want to hate him." Jack finally said softly, his tone taking an almost guilty tone.

"I know."

"I just don't understand how he can do something like this. How could he keep something like this a secret?"

"Why did my mom and dad keep the truth from me?" She asked him with pursed lips. "They kept the truth about who my biological father really was, thinking it was better for me."

"Do you think they were right?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "It was totally shock to find out the way I did and it left me all screwed up and angry that they had lied, but I got over it. I love Sam and he is always going to be my father. As far as I'm concerned Wayne was just a sperm donor."

Nodding Jack pushed off of the ground a couple of times before speaking again. "Your situation was different. They felt like they were protecting you."

"But it was still a lie and it still hurt. Just like this one is hurting you now." She pointed out.

"Then why do you think he did it? I mean, why hurt us like that?"

"Maybe he didn't know any other way." She offered up.

"Didn't know?" Jack replied sarcastically. "He should have told the truth. But he wasn't about to do that…that would have tainted his image, ruined his reputation, to have people at the hospital know he had fathered an illegitimate child."

"Or maybe in his own way he thought he could keep people from getting hurt."

Jack shook his head as he turned to Kate. "He didn't do all of this to keep us from getting hurt, Kate. He did it to try and cover up his indiscretion and to keep his marriage from falling apart and losing everything. He screwed up, Kate. He screwed up big time." He let his voice trail off sadly at the memory of his father who always felt image was vital.

Kate kept silent for the moment, understanding that more than anything Jack was hurt and disappointed once again by his father. Despite their disagreements and clashes when Christian had been alive, Jack had loved his father. He still wanted to believe that the man wasn't as flawed as he had shown to be. The little boy in Jack still wanted his father to be his hero.

They remained quiet for a couple of minutes more as Jack watched the baseball game. Kate wishing she could come up with some great words of wisdom that would help him deal with this easier.

"You know, he never came to my little league games." Jack suddenly said.

"I'm sorry?"

"When I was a kid I played baseball and football. He never once came to a game. My mom always made excuses for him, hospital meetings, a surgery…but I always knew. It was his way of telling me I should be concentrating on studying, not sports." Pushing himself off the swing he offered a hand to Kate then kept it in his grasp as they started walking through the park. She tried to ignore the small flip her stomach did at the contact.

"I remember telling him that I could do both. I could play sports and still keep up my grades. But he wasn't buying it. Gave me lectures that you can't be the best if you're splitting your time in half."

"So, did you quit?"

Jack shook his head. "No. It just made me more determined to prove him wrong. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school that he came to one of my football games."

"Well, that's at least something."

"Yeah, I think he liked bragging to his friends about his son playing a that point. I was all state and we ended up winning the championship that year." He chuckled. "That was actually one of the first times that he told me he was proud of me."

"That was nice of him." Kate replied softly, aware of the fact that they had settled into a comfortable walk and Jack had released her hand.

"Of course, he wasn't happy with me playing football at Columbia. He felt I should have gotten it out of my system by then and concentrated on my courses, but he knew there was no point in lecturing."

Kate's short laugh drew Jack's attention. "What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'm just picturing the two of you going at it…two strong headed alpha males."

"Strong headed? I'm not strong headed, am I?" he protested.

Kate looked over at him and rolled her eyes. "Oh please," she deadpanned. "You are the poster child for strong headed."

"I am not."

"You are too. Haven't you seen it in our daughter?"

"Actually, I thought she got that from you." He joked.

Kate smacked him on the arm earning an exaggerated wounded look from the doctor as he grabbed his arm. "You're not blaming that on me." She told him. "Emma got her stubbornness from you."

"Alright, alright." He replied with a chuckle. "Maybe she did." He conceded. He was glad that Kate had insisted on coming with him. He felt better talking it out with her, having her there as his sounding board. "So, what do I do?" he asked her suddenly. "About Claire, I mean."

They stopped walking as she turned to face him. "I know you're disappointed in your father and that you're mad at him for keeping this from you. You should be. He was wrong." She told him.

"But?"

She let out a small smile. "But, I know that you're a good person, Jack. You have this amazing ability to forgive. I know that from first hand experience."

"So, I should just forgive him?" He questioned.

She shook her head. "Not if you're not ready to. But I do think you need to make your peace with the situation. Work on moving forward and realize that your dad did give you a pretty good gift."

Glancing down at the ground for a moment he looked up at her, a boyish expression on his face. "Oh yeah, what would that be?"

She grinned. "A very sweet sister and a great nephew who already seems to think you're pretty cool."

Jack thought about her words for a moment then cocked his head to the side. "It's weird to think of Claire as my sister…after all this time knowing her."

"Well, that's a plus." Kate pointed out. "You two know each other already. Beats finding out a stranger is your new sister."

He had to chuckle at her logic because while she did have a point, it still struck him as funny. A woman he met when the plane they were on crashed turns out to be his step-sister. "At least we didn't end up getting together." He said more to himself, but loud enough for Kate to hear.

"Eeww…" She made a face. "Not funny."

"What? You don't think Claire and I could have been a couple?"

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

"Maybe."

"Besides, you're related."

"Yes, but we didn't know that while we were on the island."

"Still wouldn't have happened." Kate insisted.

"Really? Why? Am I not her type? Not good looking enough for her?" He teased.

"Oh please, you know damn well, you're good looking enough…" Kate replied before she could help herself. Her cheeks colored lightly when she realized what she had said and saw the grin on his face. "What I meant…"she said firmly. "…is that you always had more of a protective older brother vibe towards Claire, not a romantic one."

He decided to keep teasing a little longer. "That and I was already marked territory."

Kate looked at him in surprise. "What?" She shoved him slightly. "When did you get all cocky? Taking lessons from Sawyer?"

The handsome doctor let out a laugh and reached over and impulsively tugged a curl behind her ear. "Gotcha!"

Kate blushed again at his joke, knowing he was only half kidding and realizing that for the most part it was a truthful remark. Not a week into the crash and some of the survivors had already started to think of them as a couple. 'Jack and Kate, Kate and Jack.' She cleared her throat. "We should probably get back." She suggested.

He nodded slowly and then led the way back to the car. As they were buckling themselves in, he turned to her. "I'm going to drop you off."

"You're not coming back in?" She asked surprised.

He shook his head. "I need a little more time to process all this. I should also call my mom."

"You're going to tell her about Claire?"

"I think she should know don't you think?"

Kate nodded but didn't say anything.

He pressed his fingers into his temple and let out a small sigh. "I just need some time to decompress…wrap my head around all of this."

"Okay."

Neither said much more on the ride back to the house. Pulling up to the curb Jack looked over at Kate. "Do you mind if I pick Emma up tomorrow and keep her for the afternoon?"

"No, of course not. If you want, you can bring her back after dinner." Kate offered with a small smile. She was betting his mood would improve considerably after a few hours with the little girl.

"That sounds good. Can you give her a kiss goodnight for me and tell her I'll see her tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'm sure she'll be thrilled." Kate replied as she started out of the vehicle. She hesitated for a moment at the door. "Keep an open mind on this, okay?"

He nodded. "I will. And thanks for listening."

She broke into another smile. "You're welcome." She replied softly then shut the passenger door and watched him drive off.

Once inside the house she found Emma and Aaron engrossed in cartoons. She walked over and placed a small kiss on the top of her daughter's head. "Hey Doodle Bug, what are you watching?"

"Sponge Bob." The little girl replied with a grin. Returning her smile Kate ruffled Aaron's hair before making her way over to the dining room where she found Sawyer reading the paper.

"Hey, Freckles…" He greeted. "Where's Doc?"

"He went home." Kate explained as she started into the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Where's Claire?"

"Laying down. Told her to try and get some rest." He replied gruffly as he stood up and followed her in.

"Is she really upset?" Kate asked concerned. "Maybe I should go check on her."

Sawyer grabbed her arm before she could get past him. "She was going to take a nap. What the hell happened?"

"What did she tell you?" Kate countered.

"Some crazy story about how she and Jack have the same daddy."

"It's not a story, Sawyer, it's true." Kate replied as she made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water.

"You mean to tell me that Jack's daddy fathered Claire?" he asked, his voice laced with skepticism. "How the hell…"

"Ooo, you said a bad word." A tiny voice broke into their conversation.

Both of the adults looked and saw Emma standing just inside the doorway, her stuffed rabbit firmly in her arms.

"I didn't mean nothin' by it, Short Stuff." Sawyer replied gruffly.

The little girl looked over at her mother. "Does Saw-Saw have to sit in the naughty corner?" she asked innocently.

Kate let out a small giggle before she could help it, especially when she saw the scowl that flashed briefly across Sawyer's face.

"I think I'm a little too big for the 'naughty corner'." He commented.

"You said a bad word." Emma replied firmly, her attitude and look on her face resembling Jack somewhat.

"Who are you the language police?" he asked her.

"What's that?" She countered not recognizing his attempt at sarcasm.

At this Kate let out another chuckle and bent down to pick up her daughter. "I think if Sawyer apologizes for saying that word it'll be okay." She suggested, then turned to the Southerner with a pointed stare. "What'd you say Sawyer?"

Staring at Kate for a moment he realized she was serious so he turned to Emma. "I'm sorry." He said before turning his attention to the refrigerator to grab a beer. "Damn women." He mumbled too low for either to hear.

Kate kissed Emma on the side of her head. "Do you want a snack, Doodle Bug?"

"Where's daddy?" Emma asked as she laid her head on Kate's shoulder.

"He had some stuff he had to do so he went home. But he told me to give you a kiss for him…" Kate kissed her forehead. "And to tell you that he's going to pick you up tomorrow so you can spend the afternoon with him."

Emma lifted her head up and looked at Kate, her eyes sparkling with joy. "Weally?"

"Yes, weally." Kate laughed.

"Can we go to the park?"

"Well, I don't know, you'll have to ask your dad." Squirming to be let down Emma walked over to the refrigerator. "Can I have some juice?"

After the little girl had left the room Sawyer returned to the previous conversation.

"How is Jack's father also Claire's?"

"He met her mother somehow and they had an affair. She ended up pregnant."

"And Jack never knew?"

"Do you think he would have reacted like he had if he did?" Kate shot back.

Sawyer put up his hands. "I'm just saying that's a hell of a secret for the old man to keep. He did know about her, didn't he?"

The brunette nodded. "He used to visit her and her mom when she was really young. Claire told me she remembered that he used to sing to her."

"Son of a bitch." He said softly.

Hearing footsteps Kate looked up at the doorway and saw Claire walking in. "Hey," She greeted the woman softly. "How was your nap?"

Despite the tired look on her face she nodded. "Okay, " She looked around the room. "Jack's not here?"

Kate pressed her lips together feeling bad for the young woman. "He…ahum…went home." Kate replied softy.

Claire's face fell. "He's really upset, isn't he?" She asked as she made her way to the kitchen table and sat down.

Kate exchanged a quick look with Sawyer. "He just needs some time to process."

"Does he believe me?" Claire asked as she fiddled with her hands. She wasn't sure how she'd react if Jack thought she was lying about all of this.

Sitting down next to her Kate dropped her hand on top of Claire's and gave her a supportive squeeze. "He believes you honey. And trust me, he's not mad at you. He's not." Kate told her. "He's more mad at his father than anything else."

"Can't really blame him." Sawyer piped up. "The old man did lie to everyone."

Claire nodded then looked up at Kate. "Do you think he'll come around?"

Kate gave her a small encouraging smile. "Yeah, I do. He just needs a little time to reconcile with everything. He was going to call his mom and talk to her about it."

"His mom?"

"He thought she should know what's going on?" Kate told her. "And I agree. This does involve her somewhat, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Claire replied softly. "I can't imagine what she's going to think of me…."

"Don't worry about that." Kate replied. "She'll know this isn't your fault….just like Jack does."

"Yeah, I guess so. I just wish he hadn't stormed off like that…"

"Oh come on, Blondie, you know Jack." Sawyer commented as he took a drink of his beer. "It's ain't in him not to do the right thing. He won't walk away from family."

Claire gave him a grateful smile before she let out a small chuckle. "It's still funny to hear you defending Jack, you know that?"

"Yeah, well," Sawyer mumbled before taking another swig of his beer. Jack was his friend, he just wasn't going to admit it out loud.

His attention was drawn by Kate letting out a sudden giggle. "What's so funny, Freckles?" he asked.

Her green eyes sparkled in delight at her thought. "You're dating Jack's little sister!" She pointed out. "Wait until he realizes that!"

Both girls broke out in laughter relieving some of the previous tension. Sawyer on the other hand was not very amused. "I don't see what's so funny!"

TBC

**TBC**

**Coming up**:__


	52. Ch 52 You Make Me Smile

_A/N: I'm so so sorry for not updating sooner. As usual RL keeps getting in the way and while I'm still writing this story out every chance I get, it's getting the time to sit and type it out that's being elusive to me. But I've got this chapter and the next ready to go, if you guys haven't given up on me. Let me know what you think._

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor the song You Make Me Smile sung by Jennifer Love Hewitt. _

**CHAPTER 52 - YOU MAKE ME SMILE**

_**You make me smile  
Even the times I'm trying to be serious  
You are possessing the quality mysterious  
A special style  
You, you, you, you make me smile  
You make me smile**_

_**  
Even the times our future's looking gloomier  
Come through the door and then the room looks roomier  
And for a while  
You, you, you, you make me smile  
You make me smile  
That's how I feel,  
Whenever I'm with you  
You make me smile  
We're never thinking that it could be so possible  
Now on the other hand, It's finally probable  
I'll stay a while  
'Cause you, you, you, you make me smile  
You make me smile**_

* * *

True to his word Jack picked up Emma at lunch time, ready to spend a few hours with his daughter one on one. He told Kate that he had called his mother the night before and had a long talk with her. It had been good to talk to her about the situation and his feelings about Christian.

Margo had been shocked, but did admit it didn't come as a total surprise that he had fathered another child with a different woman. She knew her husband had had his indiscretions during their marriage. She had chosen early on to turn a blind eye to them and to try and make the most of her marriage. Christian had been a decent man and had given her a good life and she had Jack to raise, so she made the decision to be the good doctor's wife and ignore his bouts of infidelity.

As she listened to her son talk about his anger and disappointment in his father, she had offered him a shoulder and some of her insight, reminding him that he couldn't change the past. He had to decide how he was going to deal with the here and now and the future.

"So, what are you going to do, Jack?" Kate asked him softly as he finished his story.

"Right now I'm just going to spend the day with Emma and concentrate on being a good father…and have some fun." He replied honestly.

"And what about Claire and Aaron?" Are you going to let them be part of your family?"

"I don't hate her, Kate. I realized when I was talking to my mom, that you're right, my dad gave me a gift and either I accept it or walk away totally."

"You've never been the walk away type." She pointed out.

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "I just need a little more time…to talk to her about all this."

Kate nodded. "Sure."

At that point Emma came bouncing into the room and with a gleeful 'Daddy' she jumped into his arms asking immediately about going to the park.

"Sure, angel." He agreed with a smile. "How about we stop at McDonald's on the way and get some good to take with us?"

"Ah, no need." Kate replied quickly. "Emma and I made up a little picnic lunch for you two." She walked over to the dining table and picked up a vinyl cooler. "There's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for Emma and a chicken salad sandwich for you. Some chips, fruit, juice and oatmeal cookies." She announced.

"Cause they're your favorite, Daddy." Emma happily added.

Grinning at the little girl he leaned over and touched his nose to hers. "Yes they are." He agreed before turning to Kate. "Thanks…this is nice." He said as he slipped Emma onto her feet and took the container of food.

Kate held his gaze for a moment, sharing a shy smile before looking away. As she did her eye caught the corner of the folded blanket on the chair. "Oh, don't forget the blanket. You can't have a picnic without the blanket." She teased as she handed him the item.

"Thanks." He turned his attention to Emma. "Okay, angel, you grab your stuff so we can go."

Nodding the little girl darted out of the room and returned a few moments later with her stuffed rabbit in one hand and a back pack in the other, which Kate helped her slip on. Kissing her daughter goodbye she tugged at Emma's ponytail. "You be a good girl for daddy, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll bring her back about seven." Jack told her.

"No rush," Kate nodded. "Just have fun."

Jack drove them to the park, this time opting to go to the one Kate took Emma too regularly. To Emma's delight, he chose a spot under a tree that was near the small duck pond she loved to visit.

"Daddy, can we feed the ducks later?" She asked as Jack laid out the blanket. He glanced up and looked over at the water.

"I don't know, sweetheart, we didn't bring any food to give them."

"They have some at the snack shop."

"Really?"

Emma nodded. "Mommy goes there."

Sitting down and pulling the little girl into his lap Jack grinned. "Alright, then. We'll feed the ducks after we feed you." He told her and tickled her sides that led to a giggling fit and cries of 'Daddy, stop it!' from the happy child.

After settling down to eat their lunch with Emma chatting and asking questions about nothing and everything the two packed up the basket and made their way to the snack shop to buy what Jack found out was a bag of bread pieces mixed with food pellets.

As he stood next to Emma and watched the little girl take delight in throwing food to the group of ducks that had gathered, Jack realized how much he truly was enjoying fatherhood. This time he had spent with Emma had been enjoyable, more than any other time in recent memory. He found himself smiling and laughing at the fun she got out of feeding the ducks. She giggled with delight as one of the ducks came up and ate the food right out of her hand. The nuzzling of his beak tickling the palm of her small hand.

When they were done feeding the ducks the two made their way over to the playground for some time on the swings and slide.

"Daddy, can you color with me?" Emma asked later when they were in his car driving back to his place.

"I don't know, angel. It's probably a good idea for you to take a little nap." Jack replied flashing back to Kate's previous warning about Cranky Emma and missed naps.

"But I'm not tired." The child insisted though Jack could tell she was starting to feel the effects of an afternoon in the park. "Just for a wittle bit?" She tried to negotiate.

He felt his heart melt at her last suggestion and his resolve waver just a bit. _'Damn Jack, you're becoming a pushover of a father.'_ he thought to himself. He smiled at her through the rearview mirror. "Okay, maybe one picture." He told her. "But then it's nap time. We don't want you cranky when you get home."

"What's cranky, daddy?"

"Well, that's when you get mad at people because you're tired, not because you're really mad at them."

"Do you get cranky?"

He laughed. "Only when I don't take a nap if I'm tired."

"Oh," Emma paused for a moment. "Will you take a nap with me?"

Pulling into the driveway of the townhouse, he killed the engine before turning around to face the little girl. "You know what? A nap sounds like a pretty good idea."

Entering the house Emma pulled out her favorite pink blanket from her backpack and let Jack help her take off her shoes and socks. Excusing himself for a moment Jack returned from the restroom dressed in a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt deciding to get comfortable. Laying down on the couch he pulled Emma up with him and made room for her with her back up against his chest. With her rabbit tucked safely in her arms and the soft blanket draped across them they both drifted off to sleep.

Jack woke a little more than an hour later to the sound of his cell phone buzzing. Reaching to the side table without waking Emma he flipped it open and answered with a soft 'hello'. It was a colleague from St. Sebastian hospital, Alvin Green.

"Hey, Jack, I realize that you're on sabbatical, but I was hoping that I could pick your brain on a special case." Alvin told him.

Jack glanced down at the little girl asleep at his side, her tiny hand gripping his forearm that was wrapped around her. "Now's not a really good time."

"It would just take a minute or two." Alvin replied.

He let out an soft sigh. "What've you got?"

"A 47 year old man with a tumor near the 9th and 10th vertebrae."

"Wilkens is suppose to be handling my referrals. What'd he say?"

"He doesn't think it's operable, but I think this guy's a good candidate and wanted to see what you thought."

"Even if I agree I'm not there to do the surgery." Jack reasoned in a low voice.

"I can barely hear you Jack." Alvin replied.

"Sorry, sleeping daughter on my end." He explained, still keeping his voice low. "Look, email me what you've got including a scan of the x-rays and I'll take a look at it."

"Great, Jack, thanks. I appreciate that."

Giving Alvin his personal email address Jack flipped close the phone and found Emma stirring out of her nap. Her hazel eyes fluttered open slowly taking in where she was. Rubbing her eyes with a closed fist she looked up at Jack.

"Hi Daddy."

"Hi angel." He kissed the side of her head. "Did you have a good nap?"

Sitting up she nodded. "Can I have some water…" She paused for a moment as if remembering something. "Pwease?"

Swinging his legs around to sit up Jack nodded. "Sure." He stood up to go to the kitchen and Emma quickly followed. This was her first time at her father's townhouse so she was looking around taking it in. Unfortunately, he didn't have as many things as there were at her house so there wasn't much to see.

"Can I have a snack?" She asked as Jack handed her a small, plastic cup of water."

"Snack, huh?" Jack thought for a moment. He hadn't gone grocery shopping in the last three days so he really didn't have much to offer. "How about an apple?" he grabbed one from the counter. "I'll cut it up for you."

"Can I have some cheese with it?"

"Cheese?" He frowned. "I don't have any cheese right now."

"Oh."

"How about some peanut butter on the apple slices?"

After setting Emma up with her snack he retreated to the other room to check on his email. He quickly read through Marc's email and one from his mother asking about Emma and wanting more pictures. She had also sent him some photos he had asked her to send him. As he scanned his inbox list his attention was drawn to an email sent by Judy. She was touching base since she hadn't heard from him. Her cheerful note was asking how everything was and reminding him she still "owed" him a lunch.

He was hit with a moment of guilt. He hadn't told her anything about what had happened with Emma or that he was currently in Seattle, despite having received a couple of phone messages from her. He had purposely held back on contacting her to avoid possibly encouraging something that he knew wasn't going to happen. Since their last conversation he had gotten the impression that she was hoping that maybe their one night would turn into something more. But he wasn't over Kate. He knew that back then and it was only reinforced the moment he was around her again. Claire had been right, he had to try and get her back before she married that idiot Phillip. They deserved another chance at a life together and he was going to do everything he could to prove it to her.

Glancing back at the computer screen he hit the 'reply' button and typed out a short message telling her about his daughter, his temporary move to Seattle and the decision to try and put his family together. He ended the message asking her to stay in touch because he still considered her a friend. Satisfied with his message he let out a small deep breath as he tapped the 'send' button.

Turning he saw that he was approached by Emma who was carrying her backpack. "Can we color now, daddy?" she asked softly.

Smiling he nodded and took the backpack from her hands. Opening it he found a couple of coloring book and a small tub of crayons that Kate had packed in there.

"Okay, Emma, let's go sit in the kitchen and you can show me what you'd like me to color."

A few hours later Jack walked into Kate's house carrying a sleeping Emma across one shoulder and her backpack and bunny in the opposing hand.

"Hey," Kate greeted softly as she gently caressed her daughter's small shoulder. "Did she just fall asleep?"

"She was fighting it at the house, but she zonked out on the ride over." He replied handing her Emma's stuff. "I probably should have brought her some sooner."

Kate shook her head as she led him to the bedroom. "No, you're fine. Did she eat dinner?"

"Yeah, we had pizza." He replied as he gently laid the little girl onto her bed. He caught Kate's side glance. "Hey, I didn't have much to make dinner with. I need to go grocery shopping, stock up for next time."

Kate gave him a small smile. "She likes chicken nuggets and tater tots."

He nodded and gave her a smile in return. "I'll make sure and put those on the list…along with cheese."

Removing her shoes and socks Kate decided not to risk waking her by trying to slip her into her pajamas. Tucking her in Kate gently smoothed her bangs. "Don't forget chocolate milk and juice boxes." She added as she bent down and gave the little girl a kiss.

Doing the same thing Jack followed Kate out of the room and down the hall. Exchanging shy smiles they each leaned against the opposing walls and faced each other.

"Did you two have a good time?" Kate finally asked.

He nodded as he looked down at his feet for a moment before looking back up. "Yeah, we did. We even fed the ducks at the park."

Kate's smile grew wider. "She loves doing that. I've been taking her there since she was a baby."

"Oh yeah? Well, that would explain how she knew where to go and buy food for them."

Kate laughed. "Yeah, sometimes we take our own bread pieces, otherwise we'll pick up a bag there."

A this point Jack noticed that the house seemed quieter than usual. "Hey, where is everyone?"

"Oh, Sawyer took Claire out to dinner and a movie and Aaron is on a sleepover at friend's house."

"So, you're here all alone?"

"Hey, don't knock it. I took advantage and soaked in a bubble bath and gave myself a pedicure." She slipped her foot out of her slipper and showed him a set of freshly painted pink toe nails. Jack chuckled.

"What?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I was just thinking about the time you had me paint your toe nails."

Kate smirked at him. "Well, you were the one that bragged about having precision finger work." She teased. "I just had to make you prove your point."

"Oh, golf wasn't enough?"

"Please, I beat you in golf." She shot back dismissively.

"No," he replied firmly. "We never finished that game. We got interrupted, remember?"

"Maybe, but at the time we were interrupted, you were trying to putt your ball out of a stream."

"It was only the first hole."

"There were only four holes, Jack." She pointed out.

"I could have come back." He stubbornly insisted.

Kate drew her hands to her hips. "Well, anytime you want a rematch, I'm sure I can find a course for use to use."

The two laughed enjoying a fun memory and the ease in their light hearted banter.

"Would you like a piece of pie?" Kate asked all of sudden.

"Pie?"

"Yeah, Louise made an apple crumble and I was thinking about having a slice. Want to join me?"

Breaking into a grin that he seemed to save only for her, Jack agreed and followed the brunette down to the kitchen.

"You don't by chance have vanilla ice cream?" he asked as she cut a couple of slices of the pie and set them on plates.

"Bottom shelf." She pointed towards the freezer. "The scoop's in the middle drawer." She added as she then pointed to the cabinets next to the refrigerator.

As Jack grabbed the stuff Kate warmed the pie slices up in the microwave. A couple of minutes later they were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying their sweet treat when Jack mentioned that he was going to sit down and talk to Claire in the next couple of days.

"She'll be happy to hear that." Kate commented. "She's been afraid that you hate her or that you don't believe her."

"I believe her and I certainly don't hate her."

"That's what I told her. But I think until she hears it from you it won't stick."

Jack nodded as he ate a piece of the pie. "I'll talk to her." He paused for a moment as he drug his spoon through the ice cream. "How serious are she and Sawyer?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Well, they are living together." She pointed out.

He nodded. "I just never thought…I mean those two…"

"Yeah, I know." Kate injected. "It kind of took me by surprise too. I mean, he showed up here telling us he had gotten transferred, but the house he was suppose to move into wasn't ready. We let him stay with us and next thing I know he's taking her out to dinner." Kate explained.

"So, he didn't transfer up here because he knew you were here?" Jack asked trying to keep his tone neutral.

Kate looked over at the dark haired man surprised that he would still harbor some sense of jealousy for Sawyer. But then again, he hadn't been around the last year to see that Sawyer had come to accept that he and Kate would never be anything more than friends and had moved on.

"To be honest I never asked him why he transferred up here. I'm sure that having friends in the city had something to do with picking Seattle, but it certainly wasn't because anything was happening with him and me. We've never been anything other than friends." She told him firmly. She had to admit to feeling a little guilty about the fact that Jack didn't know anything about the time she was living in Las Vegas with Carrie and Sawyer.

"They seem like they get along really well." Jack finally broke the silence.

"Yeah, they do." She agreed with a smile happy to move on in the topic. "She was pretty gun shy after Charlie. Didn't want to put herself out there again. But I think it helped that Sawyer was a friend first, you know? It made it less scarier."

"Yeah, I guess it would." Again he paused as if trying for a moment to think about what he was going to say next. "So…were you and Phillip friends before you started dating?" he finally asked, keeping his eyes on the table.

Kate, surprised at his question, felt herself get uncomfortable. "Ahum…we knew each other before." She replied softly.

He nodded. "Like you and me?" he asked as he looked up at her.

Kate held his gaze. "No, not like you and me." She said in a near whisper. Nothing about her and Phillip were like her and Jack.

Their moment was interrupted by the bell at the front door being rung. Kate nearly jumped at the sound.

"Expecting someone?" Jack asked her, not too happy with the interruption just when he thought the conversation was getting good.

Kate walked to the front door followed a few steps behind by Jack. She opened the door to find her smiling fiancé standing there. "Phillip, what are you doing here?" she asked surprised.

Bending over he lightly kissed her lips. "I tried to call, but…" he stopped when he spotted Jack in the background. "Am I interrupting something?" His eyes narrowing at the sight of the handsome doctor.

"We were just having some pie." Jack quickly spoke up, casting a glance at Phillip, who was trying to hide the fact that he wasn't happy at finding Kate with her ex.

"Oh really?" Phillip looked at Kate who shrugged her shoulders.

"Can I get you a slice?" Jack pressed further, giving him a sincere smile.

"No…thank you." Phillip replied evenly. "I try to stay away from sweets as much as I can."

"Too bad. It's very good, isn't it Kate?" Jack looked over at the brunette who was watching the exchange with amusement.

"Yeah, it is." She finally replied.

The three stood in awkward silence for a moment waiting for someone to speak next. Finally Kate made a gesture to go into the living room, but Jack shook his head.

"I should probably take off."

"So soon?" Phillip asked sarcastically.

Locking eyes with his rival Jack straightened up slightly to once again remind the other man of his physical advantage. "I'm expecting some medical records that I need to review."

Kate's face registered her confusion. "I thought you took a leave of absence."

He nodded. "I did. It's just a favor for one of the Attendings. Some sort of unusual case."

Grabbing his jacket and slipped it on he started to make his way to the front door with Kate following.

"So, should I tell Claire you'll be by tomorrow to see her?"

Jack smirked at her tenacity on this subject. "I'll call her and set something up, okay?"

"Oh, okay." She held the door open as they both lingered in the doorway for a moment. "And Emma?"

"I'll call and talk to her tomorrow." He said.

She nodded. "Sure, okay. I'm sure she'll like that."

Jack cocked his head to the side and gave her a small smile. "Thanks for letting me take her for the day like this."

She made eye contact again watching how his brown eyes seemed so warm and friendly…she swallowed hard. "Like I said before, any time you want to spend time with her you're welcome to."

"Thanks." He replied sincerely as he returned her gaze. A second later he caught a flash of Phillip in the corner of his eye as the other man popped his head for a split second to check on the two. _'What the hell does he think?' _Jack thought to himself. _'That I'm going to kiss her goodbye?'_ He returned his attention back to Kate.

"Well, I'd better get going." He cleared his throat slightly.

"Yeah, okay. Drive safely."

"Thanks. Goodnight, Kate."

"Night, Jack."

Closing the door behind him Kate made her way back to the living room to a less than happy Phillip.

"So, was I interrupting something?" he asked almost impatiently.

"What?" She asked getting caught off guard.

"Why was Jack here?" Phillip continued.

Feeling a bit ambushed Kate went on the defense. "What is your problem?"

"My problem? I'd just like to know why your ex was here tonight?"

"Why?" Kate stood defiantly in front of him. "What's the big deal?"

"You're my fiancée, Kate." He shot back angrily.

"That doesn't mean you own me!" She snapped back. Didn't he realize by now that she disliked being controlled. "What are you accusing me of, Phillip?"

Now it was his turn to be taken aback by her question. "I'm not accusing you of anything, Kate."

"Really? 'Cause it sure feels like it." She pushed past him and made her way to the kitchen where she started to clean up.

Phillip followed a moment later. "I just asked a simple question. One that you won't answer."

Kate glared at him for a moment. "No, you asked a question laced with an insinuation." She told him as she moved from the table to the sink with the dishes.

"See, you're still avoiding answering the question." Phillip firmly pointed out.

Turning around Kate looked over at the man she was supposed to be marrying and let her eyes narrow. "Jack was here because he had dropped Emma off after spending the day with her!" She told him, her tone low and almost angry.

Phillip nodded slowly. "Okay."

"I offered him a piece of pie because it was the hospitable thing to do, especially because I was having a piece myself." She continued angrily.

"So, why didn't you just say that?"

Kate shook her head in disbelief. "Jack told you that when you first got here."

Realizing she was right Phillip ducked his head for a moment. "Oh," he said in a soft voice, embarrassed.

Reaching out Kate touched his forearm for a moment. "Phillip, Jack is Emma's father and he's going to be in my life forever. You need to accept that."

"Our lives." He corrected her.

"Excuse me?"

"_Our_ _lives. _He's going to be in our lives." Phillip pointed out.

Kate slowly nodded her head at the oversight. "Yes, so you need to understand that he's going to be involved in raising Emma."

"Just as long as that's all he's involved with." Phillip countered.

Kate's green eyes narrowed again. "Have I given you a reason to doubt me?" She asked hotly.

Staring at the angry brunette in front of him Phillip shook his head no. He knew that Kate hadn't been unfaithful, but he couldn't help but noticed how quickly Kate's relationship with jack had become comfortable and friendly again. Whatever issues Jack might have had with Kate keeping his daughter a secret seemed to have worked themselves out. There wasn't anger or distance between the two and that gave Phillip concerned. He wasn't convinced that Jack was over Kate or that he wouldn't try to win her back. And Phillip wasn't going to let that happen.

"Hey," Kate's voice broke into his thoughts.

Returning his attention to the present, he looked down at Kate.

"Can we just drop this?" She asked softly. "Let's watch a movie or something."

He nodded and gave her a smile. "Maybe for a little bit; I need to be up early for a 4 am call to Tokyo."

**TBC**

**Coming up**: Shepard siblings come together


	53. Ch 53 Family

_A/N: Thank you to those who took the time to drop me a review. I'm glad to see that there are readers still hanging in there. I hope you like this next chapter, though it's more of a filler. The two after this are Jate heavy. Please let me know what you think._

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters. _

**CHAPTER 53 - FAMILY**

* * *

The doorbell rang and Claire quickly made her way to the front of the house to open it. She was nervous because she was expecting Jack. He had called the previous day and offered to come over so that they could talk over things.

Pulling the door open she found herself face to face with the doctor.

"Hi"

"Hey, Claire."

Stepping back she gestured for him to come inside. As he walked in she noticed he was carrying a manila envelope. She led him into the dining room, informing him along the way that everyone else was either at work or school and Louise was out grocery shopping.

"So, how long has your aunt been doing the housekeeping?" Jack asked.

"When Charlie and I first moved here she helped get us settled. I was a lousy housekeeper. I still am." Claire laughed. "So, she started coming over and teaching me to cook and stuff. I think she liked having something to do, you know?"

Jack nodded, but remained silent.

"We tried to pay her but she wouldn't hear of it. And then when Kate came to live here and Charlie and I split up Aunt Louise stepped in and started helping out with the kids. Watching them when Kate are I were both at work, cooking, make dinner…she's been wonderful."

"She seems like a nice lady." Jack commented.

Claire nodded with a smile. "She's a sweetheart."

"So, how did she feel about you going out and looking for your dad?"

"Actually, she's been very supportive. She was the one that got my Aunt Lindsey, she's my mom's sister, to give me my mom's things. That's where I found some pictures of my mom with…your dad."

Jack looked her for a moment, his face stoic, before he broke into a small smile. "Our dad." He corrected her.

Claire's eyes grew wide in wonderment. "So…you believe me?"

"Sayid checked it out right?"

"Yeah, he found phone records and bank records."

Jack nodded, his lips pressed together. "I believe you."

Claire had to admit she wasn't expecting him to come around so quickly after his initial reaction. She expected he would at least want to look over everything that Sayid had uncovered. Maybe even insist on taking a DNA test. But here he was telling her that he believed her claim.

"What?" he asked with a short chuckle. "You seem surprised.

Looking down bashfully, she nodded.

"Look, I know that my initial reaction was…well, I accused you of lying and I'm sorry about that. I don't think I really believed that…"

She nodded. "I thought you might want to look over everything. Or maybe, you know, take a DNA test."

Jack shrugged his shoulders as his fingers traced an imaginary figure on the table top. After a moment he looked up, his eyes a bit glassy. "Maybe if you had been a complete stranger and I thought you were trying to somehow profit from this."

"But I'm not." She interjected quickly.

He gave her a warm smile. "I know," he told her confidently. "You're just trying to find your family and give Aaron a sense of family history. There's nothing wrong with that."

She returned his smile, pleased that he supported her attempt to connect with this whole other family. "So, you really understand."

"Yeah, I do. I mean, I haven't been at it as long as you have, but I get what it means to be a parent. You want to protect and nurture your child. You want to give Aaron everything that you can, including family ties. I want the same for Emma."

Claire felt her heart swell with joy at hearing those words, but she still needed a little more reassurance. "Then…ahum…you're okay with all this?"

Reaching over he laid his hand on top of hers and gave a small squeeze. "I don't think I could ask for a better little sister." He told her sincerely.

Claire's face lit up and she grinned. "Good, because I know that I couldn't ask for a better big brother."

The two laughed at their comments and fell into a comfortable silence for a moment.

"So…" Claire finally spoke up. "What's in the envelope?" She pointed to the large manila envelope Jack had brought with him that was currently resting on the table next to him.

He broke into another grin – this one a bit more bashful though. Reaching for the object he opened the flap. "Yeah, I had my mom send me copies of pictures and stuff you might want to see."

Claire giggled as she rubbed her hands together. This was going even better than she had hoped for. "Oooh, any pictures of Baby Jack?"

"Not any embarrassing ones." He replied quickly. "But there are some of my…our dad when he was younger…" Jack pulled out the photos and some clippings and started to show them to Claire who was excited to learn more about her new family.

For the next couple of hours the two exchanged stories about their childhood and Jack told her about Christian. Deciding against full disclosure he omitted details about his own tumultuous relationship with the older man, telling her instead about Christian's career, college and about their grandparents.

"So, Ray still lives in L.A.?" she asked as she looked at a picture of Ray Shepard with his arm around Jack on the young man's graduation from medical school.

"Yeah, he's been living in an apartment in a senior community for the last few years."

"Does he like it?"

Jack chuckled. "Not the last year or so. He doesn't think he should be there with all those 'old people' as he puts it. He packs up and tries to leave every once in awhile."

"Oh my gosh, are you serious?"

"Yeah, but the administrators usually get him before he gets far."

"Sounds like he's a character." Claire commented with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, and it's funny. They may have been father and son, but he couldn't be more different from my dad." Jack commented, reflecting silently how the same could probably be said about he and Christian.

"Really? How so?"

Jack thought back to a time in high school when he had made the varsity baseball team as a sophomore and Christian scolded him for taking on another sport instead of enrolling in an internship program with the hospital. Ray on the other hand couldn't have been more supportive, even going so far as to buy his grandson a new glove for the upcoming season.

"Ray just looks at things differently than dad did. There's always been more to Ray then just his medical career and what came with that."

Claire nodded solemnly. "Well, judging from what I've seen of you, you seem to take after Ray." She concluded.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable about the turn of the conversation he nodded and looked at his watch. "It's almost time to pick up Emma from school. Do you want me to wait around and pick up Aaron too?"

Claire pushed back the items into the envelope. "Actually, if you don't mind, I was hoping to go with you." She replied. "I was thinking that maybe we could explain all this to the two of them together."

"Okay. Sure. You have any idea how to explain not knowing we were related all this time to a 5 year old and almost 3 year old?"

Claire shrugged her shoulders as she gently pushed Jack towards the front door. "No idea, but I'm sure you'll figure something out by the time we get there."

"Me? Why me?" Jack laughed as he shuffled his feet.

"You're the one with the ivy school education." She teased back.

The two did sit down with the children a short time later to explain the newly discovered connection between the four of them. It went easier than either Claire or Jack thought it would. Neither child asked for a detailed explanation. They understood that they were cousins and that Jack was Aaron's uncle, and idea that thrilled the little boy enough to excitedly ask if he could now call him "Uncle Jack". Emma, meanwhile, saw no real change since she had always called Claire "Aunt Claire", only now she was being told Claire was a 'blood relative'; whatever that term meant she wasn't sure. All she knew was she had a family that loved her, everything else was gravy.

The adults were satisfied that their talk had gone as well as could be expected and as Jack drove Claire and the kids back home he thought about his talk with Kate days earlier at the park. She was right – his father had given a gift. And he would make sure that he would appreciate it from now on.

**TBC**

**Coming up**: **I know, short chapter for me, but since this relationship is not the focus of the story I just wanted to write a quick, they come together and accept each other, chapter and move on. Next two chapters…if you want them (hint hint) are full of Jate…Jate and Jamily heavy.**


	54. Ch 54 Take Care of You

_A/N: Oh my gosh, I am so so sorry for taking so darn long with this chapter. School and work just take up so much time some times. I hope that you guys are still interested and hope that this chapter (and the next) will be worth it. Please let me know what you think as always! Reviews really do push me to continue through cause when I know people are reading I am determined to keep posting!_

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor the song Take Care of You, sung by Collin Raye. Great song!_

**CHAPTER 54 - TAKE CARE OF YOU**

_When it's just not your day_

_Whole world is on your case_

_Tears rolling down your face_

_It's more than your can take now_

_I wanna take care of you_

_Want to do it all yourself_

_Don't want anybody's help_

_I know you're tough as nails_

_Remember girl, when all else fails_

_I wanna take care of you_

_Surrender baby, I'm right here_

_Let go of all your doubts and fears_

_Turn them off lay them down_

_All on me right here right now_

_All those voices in your head_

_Doesn't matter what they said_

_Just let me do what I was born to do_

_I wanna take care of you_

_When you go and chase your dreams_

_And give them your every thing_

_Get nothing back it seems_

_Baby, you can count on me_

_I…I wanna take care of you_

_Surrender baby, I'm right here_

_Let go of all your doubts and fears_

_Turn them off lay them down_

_All on me right here right now_

_All those voices in your head_

_Doesn't matter what they said_

_Just let me do what I was born to do_

_I wanna take care of you baby._

* * *

Over the course of the next couple of weeks things between Claire and Jack became more comfortable and they appeared more like family members as they got to know each other. Jack was enjoying the time he got to spend with his "new" family, but between work for the others and school for the kids he found himself with more downtime than he was used to. It was during one of that afternoons that he came over to visit Emma that Claire offered him a suggestion.

Her hospital supported a clinic a block or two away from their main grounds that was always looking for volunteers. She suggested that Jack volunteer for a few shifts a week during the time everyone else was occupied. She had already taken the initiative to talk to the clinic administrator who agreed that Jack should have no problem getting privileges at the hospital – especially in a voluntary capacity.

After mulling it over for a day, and with encouragement from Kate, he went ahead and met with the administrator who pushed through the request after learning of Jack's impressive credentials. Within a couple of days he found him working his first shift and seeing his first batch of patients. Luckily, Claire had arranged to work the same shift so she was able to show him the routine and where everything was located in the clinic. At the end of that first day, he had to admit later, he was glad he had agreed to her offer. He missed work and it gave him something to do when he wasn't spending time with Emma and Aaron.

At this moment though, he wasn't feeling very appreciative of anything. The pain in his head seemed to be matched by the deep achy soreness in his muscles and the fever that seemed to be hovering somewhere around 102 in his experienced estimation. Since he didn't have a thermometer in the house he really couldn't take his temperature. Not that he really cared at the moment. He was sick and, like most doctors, he hated being sick. Closing his eyes he concentrated on trying to get some sleep. Maybe he'd feel well enough in a few hours to go out and get some flu medicine.

"Jack's sick." Claire announced to Kate whom she found in the dining room playing tea party with Emma.

"What?" Kate asked, not sure she heard the blonde correctly.

Claire nodded. "He's got the flu. He was going to come into the clinic for a couple of hours and he called in to cancel. Letty said he sounded awful."

Kate instantly felt bad because she knew how much he hated being sick. She also knew he didn't always do the best job taking care of himself. She remembered his bouts with migraines where at times, he'd push himself to get through the numbing pain rather than take lay down and rest. It took her insisting that not only he take his pills but to lay down while she would massage his temples and neck to help ease the pain, a technique that usually put him to sleep.

"He must be miserable if he called in." She said more to herself than Claire.

Emma looked back and for the between her mother and her aunt then tapped Kate on the arm. "Daddy sick?" She asked, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Looks like it, Sweetie."

"He can't come see me?" She further asked, already concerned about not being able to see her father whom she had already grown so attached to.

As Kate shook her head no, her wheels were already turning with an idea. And when Emma asked her next question it seemed as if mother and daughter were on the same page. "Can we take care of Daddy?"

Kate smiled at her little girl and leaned over to kiss her forehead. "I think that's a good idea." She turned back and looked at Claire. "Do you still have Aaron's Halloween costume from last year?"

An hour later Kate was in the kitchen packing up supplies she had picked up from the store. Louise was also there sealing up a large Tupperware container of soup.

"I doctored up some cans of chicken soup to give them more flavor." Louise told the young woman. "And I also put together some cold cuts and some fried chicken for when he's feeling better. The chicken will keep a couple of days."

Kate smiled warmly. "Well, I'm sure Jack is going to be very grateful for all this food."

"I just wanted to make sure he had something to eat in case he hadn't gotten to the store before he got sick." The older woman replied as she finished packing the food up. "You need to make sure he eats to keep his strength up."

"Yeah, well, wish me luck with that." Kate laughed. "Jack Shepard does not like to admit when he's not feeling well. Fortunately, I think I may have a secret weapon." She revealed as Emma came bouncing into the room followed by Claire.

The little girl was dressed in blue scrubs and small white tennis shoes. Her pigtails tucked under a surgical cap and a toy stethoscope hung around her neck.

"Mommy, I'm ready to go." She announced cheerfully.

Kate brought her hand up to her mouth and gasped in delight. She squatted down to Emma's height and tapped her affectionately on her nose. "You look so cute!" She squealed. "Daddy is going to love it." She looked up at Claire. "Thanks for getting her ready."

The blonde woman nodded. "No problem. I tried to make her as irresistible as I could." She tugged on Emma's hair. "I think I did pretty good."

"You sure did." Louise added with a chuckle.

Pushing herself up to her feet Kate nodded in agreement. "Okay, Doodle Bug, you grab Mommy's purse and I'll get the food. Everything else is in the car."

"I'm taking Snuggle too for Daddy…to help make him feel better." Emma told her mother as he picked up Kate's purse.

"I'm sure he'll really like that, baby."

They made the short drive over to Jack's condo with Emma chatting about how they were going to take care of Daddy and make him feel better like he had done when she was sick before. Kate just hoped that he would be feeling sick enough to admit it and not try to put on a brave front.

She rang the doorbell once and waited a few moments before getting no response. She tried it a second time and after no response again she pulled out the spare key he had given her previously and let herself and Emma in. They were greeted by a quiet house with only the sound of the air conditioning quietly running.

"Where's Daddy?"

"I think he's probably in his room. Let's put the food away." Kate walked into the kitchen. "Come help me, Sweetie."

After she put away the food and unpacked the medicine and other supplies, she poured a glass of orange juice and made her way to the master bedroom. Telling Emma they needed to be quiet as they entered the room she found it darkened by the closed draperies. She could see the silhouette of a large lump under the covers in the middle of the bed.

Glancing down at her co-conspirator she whispered, "You have the orange juice, Dr. Emma?"

The little girl giggled softly and held up the glass with both her small hands. "Wite here!" she whispered.

Nodding Kate motioned for her to stay behind her as she walked over to the bed and gently pulled the covers back. "Jack?" She called out as his sleeping form came into view. She hated having to wake him up, but she needed to make sure that he took some medicine if he hadn't already. "Jaaack."

He stirred and slowly opened his eyes taking in the image leaning over him. "Kate?" he croaked out, not sure if he was really seeing her or if it was a dream.

"Yeah," the Brunette nodded. "I heard you were sick and came over to check on you."

Shutting his eyes he shook his head for a moment before realizing that wasn't a smart thing to do since the throbbing pain started rising up. "I'm fine." He lied with a short gasp.

Kate reached over and laid the back of her hand on his forehead. "You're not fine. You have a fever." She countered in a firm voice.

Opening his eyes about halfway again he shifted a bit in bed. "I'll be fine. I just need to get some sleep." He replied grumpily.

"Well, we don't think so."

"We?"

At this point Emma made her presence known as Kate pulled her from behind. "Hi Daddy." She greeted cheerfully.

Hearing her voice Jack shifted his attention from Kate and opened his eyes wider to look at the little girl. Despite feeling like crap he had to chuckle at the image of his little daughter in miniature scrubs with a stethoscope around her neck. "What is this?" he asked.

"I'm your doctor!" She announced excitedly as she held out the glass of juice. "We came to take care of you 'cause you're sick."

"Oh really?" He looked back from a determined looking Emma to an equally determined looked Kate and suddenly felt too weak to fight either one on the matter. He pushed himself up and took the glass from Emma, taking a small sip, despite the soreness when he swallowed. "So, I guess this means you're my nurse?" He asked Kate.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Kate replied with a smirk. Realizing he was conceding she pulled out a plastic case from her pocket and took out the thermometer. "Open up." She instructed firmly.

"Kate…"

"Come on Jack, we need to see how high your fever is."

"Open up, Daddy." Emma told him. "It won't hurt."

He laughed at her comment and then opened his mouth to let Kate slip the thermometer in.

"I bought some flu medicine and aspirin in case you were out. Have you taken any yet?"

He shook his head. "I was going to buy some after my nap." He mumbled while trying to keep the object is his mouth.

"Here Daddy." Emma pushed her stuffed rabbit into his lap. "I bought Snuggle for you to make you feel better."

Jack's heart warmed at her gesture. "Thank you, angel." He told her as Kate pulled out the thermometer to read it.

"Don't get too close, Emma." Kate warned her daughter. "We don't want you to catch Daddy's flu, okay?"

Taking a step back she looked at Jack disappointed. He nodded his head. "Your mom's right, sweetie, I'm too sick right now. But you can give me a hug later, okay?"

"Okay."

"102" Kate announced as she shook the thermometer and put it by the night stand. She picked up the glass of orange juice and handed it to him.

He took another sip and winced when his throat constricted. "Sore throat." He mumbled.

"Drink a little at a time." Kate replied firmly. "You need to stay hydrated."

Taking another sip, Jack shot her a look. "You're a push nurse, you know that?"

She grinned. "And you're a difficult patient, you know that?"

"Touché." He laughed.

"Emma, sweetie, can you bring me that bottle of medicine I left in the table out

there?"

As Emma left the room Kate turned back to Jack and pulled out his pillows to fluff

them out. Emma returned a moment later and Kate took the medicine and

measured out the dosage. After he drank it she turned back to Emma and asked

her to go watch TV.

"You're not playing fair, you know?" Jack tiredly commented as he leaned

forward for Kate to slip the pillow back in.

"Oh?"

"Dressing her up like that." He tilted his head towards the door. "She's too adorable to resist."

"That was the plan." Kate replied as she slid the second pillow back in. "I almost decided to wear a nurse's outfit myself, if it would have got you to admit you're sick."

Giving her a sly grin Jack shifted back under the covers. "Too bad, I would definetly have enjoyed that."

Blushing at his comment and the underlying implication Kate found herself at a loss for a comeback. Instead she pulled the blanket over his chest and smoothed it out. "Get some more rest." She gently instructed.

He nodded groggily, the flu medication already starting to take effect. "Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked, sound more likea little boy than a grown man.

She smiled. "Yes, Jack, we'll be here."

Kate heard him wake up a couple of hours later coughing and groaning. Rushing in to check on him she helped him sit up slightly. "Let me get you some water." She told him and returned a couple of moments later with a glass of water.

As he took some sips she brought her hand up to his forehead. He was still very warm.

"Doesn't look like your fever is coming down." She reached for the thermometer.

"Doesn't feel like it either." He grumpily replied.

"Well, you're not due for more flu medicine for another hour. You want some aspirin?"

"Yeah…and maybe another glass of juice too."

She returned a few minutes later with the items and watched in satisfaction as he downed the whole glass of orange juice with minor discomfort. "Throat feeling better?"

He nodded. "Yeah, much better." He glanced behind her. "Where's Emma?"

"She's taking her nap." Kate took the empty glass from him.. "Are you up to eating something? Louise sent you some chicken soup."

Shaking his head no, Jack's eyes ere already starting to close. "Maybe later." He mumbled. "Right now I just want to sleep."

Pulling up the cover to help get more comfortable, she nodded and silently left the room.

Jack went back to sleep and slept through until dinner time. Meanwhile, when Emma woke from her nap, Kate and she built a "fort" in the living room so they could "camp" out later that evening. The little girl was still fussy about not being able to get too close to Jack or spend any real time with him. Kate had explained that neither of her parents wanted her to get sick too, but promised that the next time Jack woke she could go in and say hello.

As Kate was warming up some dinner the doorbell rang. Opening it she found Sawyer there with an overnight bag in his hand. "Claire said you wanted some clothes." He greeted as he stepped inside the door.

"Yeah, thanks." She took the bag from him and dropped it inside the entry way.

"Hi Saw Saw." Emma greeted from her place on the floor where she was coloring.

"Lil' Freckles…" he noticed her outfit. "Or I guess I should call you Doc Jr." He turned back to Kate. "Speaking of…how's he doing?"

"He's got the flu and just now admitting it." Kate joked.

"I'm sure Jack-o ain't happy about being laid up like that."

"No," she laughed. "I can't say that he is. But at least he's not fighting me about taking care of him."

"Ol' Phil okay with you being here playing nurse maid?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sure he'd be fine with it…"

"You didn't tell him?" Sawyer asked surprised.

"No, I didn't. I haven't had a chance." She lied. "It's no big deal."

Sawyer looked at her incrediously. "No big deal, Freckles? You're taking care of your ex."

"So? Jack doesn't have anybody else here…unless you want to take over?"

Sawyer held up his hands in protest. "Oh no, the only time I play doctor is with female patients." He smirked.

Kate smacked him on the arm as she glanced over at Emma, who was oblivious to the conversation. "You're really funny, you know that?"

"The guys at the job site seem to think so."

She proceeded to push him to the front door. "Well, thanks for your concern about Phillip, but everything's fine."

"Alright…alright." He reached for the doorknob. "I'm leaving. Ain't no skin off my nose if you want to keep Phil out of the loop."'

"Good Night, Sawyer." Kate replied firmly with one last gentle push out the door.

"Night, Freckles. Try not to get into any trouble." He laughed as the door closed.

Hearing the click of the door Emma looked up from her picture and noticed the southerner gone. "Mommy, I'm hungry." She announced.

"Okay, dinner should be ready in a few minutes. I'm making some spaghetti Os, okay? And Aunt Louise gave us some homemade bread. Do you want some with butter and jelly?"

The little girl nodded. "And chocolate milk?"

Smiling Kate started to make her way to the kitchen when she saw Jack coming out of the bedroom. He was dressed in a white t-shirt and pajama bottoms.

"Hey, you're up!" She greeted in surprise.

"Daddy!" Emma jumped up to her feet and raced over to Jack, wrapping him legs up in a hug." You feel better?"

Jack reached down and patted head affectionately. "I'm getting there." He told her.

"Okay, Em, let go of Daddy so he can walk." Kate pulled at the little girl's shoulder them looked up at Jack. "You want juice or water to go with your medicine?"

"Juice is fine." He replied as he slowly made his way to the kitchen table. Emma happily bounced over with him and climbed up on the chair next to him.

"Was that the doorbell I heard earlier?" he inquired as he slipped into a chair.

"Yeah," Kate nodded as she measured out the medicine. "Sawyer came by to drop off some clothes for Emma and I."

Jack felt instantly guilty at the idea of inconveniencing her. "You don't have to stay overnight, Kate. Really, I'll be okay."'

"Maybe, but we're sticking around. I thought that was already decided."

Jack ducked his head and let out a small smile. He knew he wasn't going to win this argument and frankly he didn't want to.

After taking his medicine Jack felt a light tap on his arm. "Daddy, I'm making you a picture…a…what's it called, Mommy?"

"A get well card." Kate told her with a soft smile.

She nodded. "Wanna see it?" she asked anxiously.

"Why don't you wait until you finish it, Doodle Bug." Kate quickly suggested. "We're going to eat dinner right now."

"Okay."

Kate turned her attention to Jack. "I'll warm up some soup. Do you want me to bring it in on a tray?"

Checking on him later she found he had eaten most of the soup and with the medicine kicking in again had fallen back asleep. She chuckled to herself when she was picking up the tray and noticed that Snuggle was laying on the bed by Jack's head. He really was a good dad.

After watching some television Kate gave Emma her bath and slipped both of them into their pajamas. With blankets and pillows they made up sleeping bags. And using one of the table lamps as a lantern the two amused themselves with shadow puppets and a bedtime story before falling asleep.

**TBC**

**Coming up**: Jack's on the road to recovery as the Jate fest continues.__


	55. Ch 55 Kiss a Girl

_A/N: Wow, it's been a while since my last update. As much as I say I'll be quicker that doesn't seem to happen. Schoolwork keeps getting in the way…along with work! But I appreciate that you guys are not only still reading but still commenting. Thank you so so much because as you know I love me some reviews! This is an extra long chapter…I just couldn't find a place to end it that seemed better before I got to where I did end it. (If that makes sense). Enjoy and let me know what you thought of this Jate filled chapter. _

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters nor the song Kiss a Girl sung by Keith Urban. !_

**CHAPTER 55 - Kiss a Girl**

_To kiss and tell it's just not my style  
But the night is young and it's been awhile  
And she broke my heart, broke it right in two  
And it took some time but I'm feeling like I'm  
Finally ready to find, find somebody new_

Chorus:  
I wanna kiss a girl  
I wanna hold her tight  
Maybe make a little magic in the moonlight  
Don't wanna go too far just take it slow  
But I shouldn't be lonely in this big 'ol world  
I wanna kiss a girl

It's that moment when you start closin' in  
First you're holding back then surrendering  
It can start a fire, light up the sky  
Such a simple thing, do you wanna try  
Are you ready to  
Say goodbye to all these rules

(Chorus)

'Cause maybe tonight  
It could turn into the rest of our lives oh yeah  
Are you ready  
Are you ready  
To cross that line put your lips on mine  
Put your lips on mine baby  
Do you wanna try  
Are you ready to  
Say goodbye to all these rules

I wanna kiss a girl  
I wanna hold her tight maybe make a little magic baby  
Don't wanna go to far just take it slow  
But no one should be lonely, I shouldn't be lonely  
I wanna kiss a girl  
I wanna hold her tight  
Maybe make a little magic in the moonlight  
Don't wanna go too far just take it slow  
But I shouldn't be lonely in this big 'ol world  


* * *

The next morning Jack's fever had come down to a more normal range and much to Emma's delight he joined her on the couch to watch Sesame Street after breakfast. With the fever gone he wasn't at all likely contagious so Emma took full advantage of the opportunity to snuggle up on his lap as they watched the program.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Jack asked as he saw Kate coming out of the bedroom with her arms full of sheets and blankets.

"I stripped your bed and put fresh linen. I'm throwing these in the washer." She replied quickly as she made her way to the small laundry nook.

Gently pushing Emma off his lap he stood up and followed. "You know you don't have to do that."

"I know," Kate replied as she shoved the linen into the washing machine. "But a clean bed will feel good and you'll sleep better tonight."

He noticed a small pile of clean t-shirts and underwear on the counter and the dryer tumbling. "You washed my clothes?"

"They were dirty and I figured I'd help you out." She told him with a shy smile. "I have some jeans in the dryer."

Pushing back his initial response to tell her it wasn't necessary he returned her smile. "Thanks." He told her sincerely. "I guess I'm not in the best shape to keep up with it."

Kate patted him lightly on the chest. "That's right. You are a mere mortal and you need to rest." She teased. "So, after this I'm cleaning up the kitchen and straightening and vacuuming the rest of the place." She quickly put her hand up to stop his protest. "Don't even bother Jack, I'm doing it."

Recognizing the determined look on her face, he chuckled and nodded. "Okay, okay. I suppose if I say no, you'll end up drugging my juice and doing it while I'm asleep."

Reaching out she smacked his arm. "Not funny."

"Then why are you laughing?" he teased as he rubbed the spot on his arm where she had hit him.

Trying to keep a straight face, Kate glanced over his shoulder. "I think your daughter is calling you."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really. You shouldn't keep her waiting." She replied as she flicked on the washer.

Feeling better than he had since he first started coming down with the flu he walked back to the living room, an amused look on his face. Despite hating being sick, he had to admit it was nice having Kate here taking care of him. She still had her way of brightening things up and at this point he wasn't about to chase her away.

"Daddy, do you want to play a game?" Emma asked as he rejoined her on the couch.

"Actually, angel, I'm still worn out from being sick. How about we just watch some more TV? Or you can color if you want."

Suddenly Emma's face lit up. She jumped off the couch and raced off with a 'wait Daddy!' A few moments later she came running back into the room, a folded sheet of construction paper in her hand.

"I finished it Daddy!" She said brightly as she handed him the object.

"Well, let's take a look." Jack told her as he looked at what appeared to be a handmade card. On the front Kate's writing spelled out "Get Well Soon Daddy" with a drawing that judging by the long ears and round tail Jack guessed was a bunny rabbit.

"Look inside." Emma pointed her tiny finger towards the card.

As he opened it Jack broke out into a grin.

"See, that's Mommy and me taking care of you…" the little girl explained excitedly as she pointed out the taller figure with long curly scribbles on top of its head that indicated Kate's hair. The little girl in the drawing had pig tails and was wearing a blue shirt and pants. _'Scrubs' _ Jack thought.

"That looks just like you." Jack complimented her.

Emma grinned. "And that's you."

"In bed."

She nodded. "Ah huh, 'cause you're sick."

Jack smiled. He was touched and he gave Emma a hug to show her he appreciated the card. "Thank you, sweetheart. This is the best medicine I could get." He told her and placed a light kiss on the side of her head.

Watching the exchange from the kitchen Kate felt her eyes water up as she smiled. Watching Emma and Jack interact like this was still heart warming to her. She wanted the little girl to have a strong bond with her father. Something that Kate worked hard to have with Sam. That's one thing Diane hadn't denied her when she was growing up – the chance to spend time with her father whenever he was available. And it had been times that Kate cherished. The times when she was away from Wayne and his excessive drinking, the fighting, the hitting and she was able to be happy and carefree with the man who adored her. The man who gave her all of his attention when she needed it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone. She grabbed it from her purse and disappeared into the guest bathroom to answer it. It was Phillip.

"Hey, babe, what are you up to?" he asked cheerfully.

"Housework." Kate replied honestly. Okay, well, maybe it wasn't her house.

"Eh, I keep telling you that you and Claire should hire a maid if you're not going to have Louise do the cleaning."

"She does some." Kate defended. "But that doesn't mean we can't all pitch in."

"Well, I'll tell you when you and I get married, not only are we keeping Peggy, but we're going to find a good nanny too."

"Don't you think that's a bit much?"

"Nonsense, I mean if things keep going the way they are, our social lives are going to pick up and you'll need someone reliable and trained to look after Emma." Phillip told her logically.

"I suppose…."

"Which reminds me, did you call Kelsey Zimmer about that charity committee?"

"No, not yet." Kate admitted. With everything going on she had completely forgotten. "I'll call her."

"Please do. She's very interested in having you on the committee and her husband is a VP in acquisitions at one of the banks here in town."

"I know Phillip."

"I just think it'll be a good experience, that's all."

Kate chewed on her cuticle. "I'll call her. I promise."

"Good, good. So, listen, I was thinking we could go to Bella's tonight. I'm in the mood for some Italian."

Kate frowned. "Ahum, well, actually, I told Claire I would baby sit tonight. She and Sawyer have some dinner function to go to." She quickly explained.

"Oh, really?" Phillip sounded disappointed, which gave Kate a guilty pang. "Well, maybe I could come over and take the three of you to dinner." He suggested half-heartedly.

"Like going to Chuckie Cheese Pizza with two young kids is your idea of a fun evening." Kate replied.

"We could go somewhere else."

"But I promised the kids and we were probably going to go watch a cartoon feature at the park afterwards. They have a little theatre set up out under some trees and they sell snacks and popcorn. The kids really like it."

Hearing this Phillip retreated. "Okay. Well, I guess we can do Italian some other night." He conceded.

"I'm sorry." She replied, the apology silently extending to her untruthfulness as well.

"Don't be honey." He answered, not picking up on the subtle tone in her voice. "I think I'll call Marco and see if he wants to do something tonight."

"Okay, that sounds good." She heard the dryer bell go off. "Listen, I better go. The dryer's done."

"Sure. I'll call you later. Love you."

"Yeah, me too." Kate replied before hanging up the phone. She felt bad for lying to him, not sure why she had felt the need to do so in the first place. _'Because it's Jack.'_ She told herself. _'And you still got his back…especially when he's sick.' _ And if she was to leave him to his own devices he be liable to push himself and get even sicker, she reasoned.

Returning to the outer room to put her phone back in her purse, she noticed that Jack was laying on the couch with Emma comfortably sprawled across his torso, with his arm wrapped around the little girl. The two of them watching a Bugs Bunny cartoon. She grinned – Jack did love to watch Bugs Bunny. Leaving the two without disturbing them she returned to the kitchen to finish cleaning.

It was mid-afternoon and Kate was sitting on the couch watching television when her cell phone rang. It was Claire.

"Hey, I'm on a break so I thought I'd call and check on the patient. How is he?"

"He's doing better. He's asleep right now. But his temperature is almost back to normal and the congestion in his chest doesn't sound so bad."

"Well, that's good to hear. Is he being difficult?"

"Who Jack? When has he ever been difficult?" Kate replied sarcastically. "Actually he's been very cooperative. I think Emma, in those little scrubs, did him in."

Claire laughed. "Well, he'd have to be heartless to resist that cutie."

"And she even made a 'Get Well' card for him. It was so sweet when she gave it to him." Kate gushed without really realizing it.

Claire on the other hand caught it and smiled to herself. She knew the more time Kate spent around Jack the harder she would find it to deny her feelings. From what Sawyer told her last night about how Kate hadn't been too anxious to tell Phillip about taking care of Jack. Claire could tell Kate was having doubts about the whole situation. And as long as she kept putting off her wedding there was a chance.

"So, did Jack like his card?" Claire returned to the conversation.

"Oh yeah. He propped it up on the night stand next to his bed."

Claire chuckled. "I'm sure that thrilled Emma."

"She was quite proud."

"So, do you need me to do anything? Run over more clothes? Food?"

"No, we're good. I'm sure he'll be better tomorrow." Kate replied. "Besides I'm not sure how much longer he's willing to play the role of patient."

"Please, Kate, he's a guy. What guy is going to pass up the chance to be taken care of by a beautiful woman when he's sick?"

"Claire…" Kate felt her cheeks flush at the compliment.

"I'm just making a point." Claire replied slyly.

"Fine, point taken." Kate replied in hopes of ending this topic of conversation. "How's work?"

Claire got the message. "Fine…a little busy. We have two new student nurses so I'm trying to help them, show them the ropes."

"Sounds like a busy day."

"Yeah, but that's okay. Makes the shift go faster." Claire checked her watch. "Listen I better get going. I just wanted to check on Jack and give the girls at the clinic an update."

"The girls?" Kate asked with a slight hesitation.

"A couple of the nurses at the clinic think Jack's a hottie." Claire revealed with a smirk. "Especially Pam."

"Pam?"

"Yeah…blonde, big chested, long legs. From what I heard she's been flirting with Jack, but I don't think he's interested. At least not that I've heard, but then again…"

Katge stayed silent on the other end causing Claire to break out in a grin on her end. Operation Jealous had a direct hit as Claire figured that Kate was trying to picture Pam and what she might look like.

"Kate, you still there?"

"Yeah…yeah." She didn't sound so confident.

"Okay, well, I better go. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure, later." Kate replied exchanging a goodbye before hanging up.

** **

"So, what's for dinner?" Jack asked a couple of hours later. After his last nap he had awoken to find himself feeling much better. His fever was gone and he didn't feel achy in his muscles. He had take a shower and emerged in jeans and a t-shirt to see what Kate and Emma were up to.

"Well, Louise made up a batch of fried chicken for when you were feeling better." Kate suggested.

Reaching down he picked Emma up and hoisted her up on his hip. "What'd you say, angel, fried chicken sound good to you?" he tickled her under her chin.

Letting out a giggle Emma nodded.

He looked over at Kate and smiled. "Chicken it is."

"Okay. I noticed some boxes of mac n cheese in the pantry, for the side. Plus we have some homemade bread."

"And chocolate cake!" Emma added excitedly.

"Cake?" he asked surprised.

Kate laughed. "We went out while you were asleep on an errand, and couldn't resist the cake when we saw it."

Tickling Emma again this time on her tummy, Jack let out a chuckle. "Looks like somebody has a sweet tooth like her mommy."

Squeeling in delight the little girl squirmed in Jack's arms as he continued the tickling.

"Stop, Daddy!" she yelped.

"Stop, huh?" he asked enjoyhing the sound of her giggling. Lifting her shirt up he bend down and blew a raspberry on her exposed stomach elicting another couple of giggles.

"Mommy, help!" she called out.

Pulling her back against him Jack started backing up. "Oh no," he laughed shaking his head. "Mommy can't help you."

Laughing at the scene Kate took one slow step towards the two. "Look out Doodle Bug."

"Nope, can't have her." Jack turned and with another poke to her tummy, took her over to the couch where he plopped her on top of the cushions and them started tickling her with both hands.

"Daddy! Stop!" She squealed squiarming around as she tried to push at his hands with her tiny ones. "Mommy help!" she tried again.

"I think…it's…my…turn!" Kate laughed as she came along side of Jack ready to do her own tickle attack.

Pulling back Jack gave a sly smirk. As Kate swooped in she had barely had a chance to poke Emma once before Jack grabbed her by the waist.

"You're right, it is your turn." He told her swinging her up and around before putting her on the love seat.

"Jack! What are you doing?" Kate cried out as she was taken by surprise.

"You said it was your turn." He pointed out.

"That's not….aaahh! Jack stop!" She burst into a fit of giggles as he started taickling her side.

Having recovered Emma jumped off the couch and went over to join her parents.

"Not fair…Jack…" Kate squirmed and giggled. "You know…I'm….ticklish."

"Yup." He replied with a grin.

A moment later Emma had joined in, laughing as she tickled her mother.

"Okay, not fair…two against one!" Kate protested between giggles. At this point she managed to grab both of Jack's hands in hers – clasped together. Eyes locked together, he hovered over her, his face mere inches from hers.

Suddenly becoming aware of the intimacy of their position, Kate dropped his hands and started to push herself up. "I should…ahum…probably started on dinner." She said.

Catching on to her akwardness Jack nodded and stood up and got out of her way.

"Emma, sweetie, why don't you go play." She suggested as she started towards the kitchen trying to push away the feeling of wishing Jack had kissed her. She told herself she was being silly. She had just gotten caught up in the idea of horsing around like they used to when they were a couple. _None of it meant anything_, she reminded herself.

Jack, meanwhile, was also pondering the feeling of coming that close to Kate and wanting to kiss her. He had to admit he had thought about it when he was leaning over her, their faces close enough to feel each other's breaths. He had thought about leaning in further and just kissing her. He could tell by that familiar look in her eyes that she had wanted him to…if only for a brief moment. But that moment had passed and here they were pulling away from each other and retreating to separate rooms.

Looking over his shoulder he saw that Emma had gone over to the floor and was playing with a set of small figurines of people and animals. Feeling a little restless he went into the bedroom with cell phone and called Mark. He found him at the firehouse in between calls.

"What's up?" his friend greeted cheerfully.

"I'm getting over the flu."

"Bummer."

"Kate's been taking care of me." Jack told him.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Well, at least there's an upside." Mark replied. "Things could be worse than getting the flu and having a beautiful 'nurse' like Kate"

"I don't know." Jack said slowly.

"What'd you mean you don't know? Jack, man, isn't this you were hoping for, a chance to spend some time together? Maybe work on getting back together?"

"That's just it. Anytime that it seems like we're reconnecting she steps back."

"Just give her time, man."

"She's still engaged." Jack pointed out as he lay back on the freshly changed bed.

"And yet no closer to setting a wedding date since you've been there, right?"

"No."

"See? That must mean something." His friend's logic resonated through the phone. "Give yourselves some time. I mean you were apart for 3 years and some things were bound to change."

"I don't know, Marc, it might be too late." Jack replied pessimistically.

"As long as she's there and you're there it's not too late." Marc insisted. "Damn, Jack, what were you expecting, her to fall into your arms the moment you showed up?"

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm just saying you both have some scars and you need to work things out slowly. But, I'm telling you, as long as she's not married then you two still have a chance."

A soft knock on the bedroom door caught Jack's attention. Cupping his hand over the receiver he called out. "Come in."

Kate stuck her head in and her eyes grew wide when she saw he was on the phone. "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were on the phone."

Jack waved her in. "That's okay, it's Marc."

Her wide-eyed expression relaxed and she smiled. "Marc? Tell him I said hello."

Standing, he handed her the cell phone. "You can tell him."

Grinning, she took the phone from him and put it up to her ear. "Hey, Marc, it's Kate. How are you?"

"Hey, Kate. I'm doing good. I guess I owe you belated congratulations on having a daughter."

She laughed happily. "Yeah, thanks."

"I hear she's a beauty, so she must have taken after her mother."

"So, did Jack show you any pictures of Emma?"

"Oh yeah, he had the brag book open and waiting for me the moment I walked through the door when he was here last." Marc joked. "Plus, he's emailed me a couple."

"Oh he did, huh?" Kate said in a teasing voice as she raised an eyebrow at a confused Jack.

"He couldn't stop talking about her." Marc continued, picturing Jack on the other end trying to figure out the conversation. "How bright she is…how talkative and how sweet…"

"Well, at least he told the truth." Kate replied as she twirled a curl around her finger.

"Like I said, she must have taken after her mother."

Kate let out a laugh which further perplexed Jack. Just what was his friend telling Kate? He figured they were talking about Emma, but with Marc he couldn't be sure that was all the conversation was about.

"What is he telling you?" He whispered to the brunette.

Kate shrugged her shoulders and returned her attention to the call.

"So when do I get to meet this little cutie?" Marc wanted to know.

"Well, her third birthday is in about three weeks and we're having a party. You should come up and spend the weekend. You can stay with Jack." She suggested.

This time it was Marc's turn to laugh at how easily she offered up Jack hospitality. He was crazy if he thought it was too late for them, Marc thought. "Three weeks huh? Let me see if I can get the time off."

Kate broke out into a grin. "Great, I hope you can make it. I'll let you finish talking to Jack. Just wanted to say hello."

"Sure. It was nice talking to you."

"Bye Marc." She handed the phone back to Jack. "Dinner's ready. Don't take too long." She told the doctor before she left the room with a swish of her hips.

With a smirk on his face Jack watched her for a moment before returning his attention to the phone.

"You're stupid if you're giving up on that." Marc's voice greeted him.

Jack knew his best friend was making sense. He shouldn't give up…not without a fight. "I'm not giving up." He stated firmly.

"Glad to hear that you're coming to your senses."

He chuckled. "Listen, I better go. Dinner's ready."

After hanging up with Marc, he made his way out to the kitchen and found Emma sitting at the breakfast bar playing with a doll while Kate was pulling out silverware and dishes to set the table.

"Here, I got that." Jack told her quickly taking the items from her hands.

She gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks." She said softly before returning to the stove.

As he moved over to the table he stopped and planted a kiss on top of Emma's head causing her to look up at him and grin. "You hungry, sweetie?" He asked.

She nodded. "Mommy made mac n cheese."

"She did?" He glanced over at Kate. "Sounds good."

A couple of minutes later Kate placed the plate of chicken on the table to join the macaroni and cheese and loaf of bread. "Ready!" She announced.

Jack scooped up Emma and with an audible 'woosh' he carried her over to the table where the three of them sat down. As they ate they exchanged light conversation and fell into a comfortable state. Emma happily told Jack about how she and Kate had set up a tent and 'camped out' in the living room the night before. She giggled when her father marveled at the idea of shadow puppets.

Kate, meanwhile, watched the scene play out with her mind going back to the times she used to write in the baby journal about the future and the ideas of how the three of them would be a family. She had envisioned scenes like this, sitting down at the dinner table, eating and enjoying a light hearted conversation. And here they were, but they weren't really a family, at least not the way she once thought they would be. Kate had a ring on her finger, but it wasn't from Jack. And the way things stood now not only would they continue to live in two different households, but more than likely two different states with Emma being shuttled back and for the between her parents. She still wasn't sure what she was going to do once Jack returned to Los Angeles. Emma was clearly already attached and she was getting use to seeing her father on an almost daily basis. Remembering how hard it was on her when Sam was gone on his missions, Kate knew Emma was going to be upset with whatever visitation arrangement her parents came up with.

"Hey, Kate…" Jack's voice broke her out of her thoughts. She looked up over at him and saw a hint of a smile on his face. "Where did you go?"

"Sorry," She shook her head briefly. "Just hinking."

"About?"

She shook her head, the soft curls bouncing lightly. "Nothing," She said quickly then turned to Emma. "Dinner good?"

The little girl nodded as she scooped a spoonful of macaroni and cheese into her mouth.

"You up for a movie after dinner?" Jack asked. "There's a video store a couple blocks away."

"Disney rated?" Kate teased.

"Disney princesses?" Emma chimed in.

Jack laughed as he glanced over at the cheery little girl.

"I suppose we can find a movie with at least one Disney princess in it." He conceded. "Let's finish up eating and then go see what they have."

A short time later Jack, after repeated assurances that he was up for the short trip to the video store, took Emma and drove to the small shopping plaza close by. Kate, meanwhile, stayed behind to do the dishes and clean up. As she placed the last dish on the drying rack, she heard the front door open signaling Jack's return.

Wiping her hands on the dish cloth that she had wrapped around her waist, she then threw it it on the sink counter and quickly stepped out into the living room. There she was greeted by a smiling Emma holding a video in her hands.

"Look, Mommy, Sleeping Beauty!" She exclaimed happily.

"Oh, your favorite movie." Kate replied with the same enthusiasm.

"It's the first thing she picked." Jack replied as he laid the small bag from the video store on the sofa table. Kate noticed it wasn't empty.

"And what did Daddy pick?" She teasingly asked.

"I thought you might enjoy a cheesy 70's disaster movie." Jack answered as he pulled out the video and handed it to her.

"Towering Inferno?!" She exclaimed as she looked at the box. It was one of her favorite of the 70s and 80s disaster movies.

"Still your favorite, right?" He asked hopefully.

She broke into a wide grin. "Are you kidding me? The best of all cheesy disasters movies."

"Would you say that if it didn't have Paul Newman and Steve McQueen in it?" he teased as he made his way to the kitchen for a glass of juice.

"That's why it's the best." She retorted with a laugh.

"Well, I'm glad you still feel that way..." Jack replied as he shut the refrigerator and picked up his glass to take a drink. "…because it's yours."

"What's mine?"

"The movie." He replied with a nod toward the bag. "The store had it in its sale bin."

Kate did a double take from the bag to Jack in surprise. "You bought me the movie?" She asked and he nodded. "Jack, you didn't have to…I mean, renting it would have been fine."

"I know, but I just thought since it's your favorite…"

Kate was touched to say the least by the gesture. Giving him a toothy smile, similar to Emma's, she nodded. "Thank you. It was a nice thought."

Holding her gaze, he gave her a slow nod. "You're welcome." He said softly. They stood there staring at each other for a moment before Emma tapped on Kate's leg.

"Movie, Mommy." She said holding up the box containing Sleeping Beauty.

Sharing a chuckle Kate bent down and picked the little girl up. "Okay, let's get you changed into your pjs so we don't have to worry about that later."

Handing Jack the video Kate carried Emma into the second bedroom and sat her on the bed.

"Mommy, can we have pancakes tomorrow? Daddy said we could."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Kate pulled Emma's shirt off.

The little girl nodded as the shirt went over her head. "Ah huh, with faces on them."

Working on removing her shorts and shoes Kate cocked her head to the side for a moment. "Well, I don't know about faces, sweetie. I don't think daddy has the stuff to make them." She replied remembering that she hadn't seen any whip cream in the refrigerator.

"Oh," Emma's face turned into a disappointed frown. She really liked pancakes more when they had a smiley face on them.

Feeling bad, Kate tapped Emma's nose. "We'll make some with smiley faces when we're back home, okay?"

"Is Daddy going to come with us?" The little girl asked hopeful.

"No, Doodle Bug, you know he lives here."

"Then can we stay here again?" She tried again.

Helping Emma slip on her pajama top Kate undid the ties on her pony tails and smoothed out her hair. It gave her a moment to think. "I'll tell you what, how about I talk to your daddy about you doing a sleep over really soon?"

Emma broke into a grin. "Okay, mommy. That would be fun."

"I'm sure it will be." Kate replied. Taking Emma's hand she led the child back into the living room to join Jack.

During their absence Jack had popped some popcorn and set the movie in the DVD player. Taking Snuggle from the counter he handed it to his daughter. "Thanks for lending Snuggle to me while I was sick."

Grabbing her favorite toy Emma climbed up on the couch. "You welcowme." She replied, remembering what her mommy always told her to say when someone said 'Thank You'.

A couple of minutes later the three were all on the couch, Emma in the middle with a bowl of popcorn and drinks on the table in front of them. As the movie played Jack had to admit that while it had been years since had had watched a Disney animated movie, it was more entertaining to watch it in the presence of a child. Emma added her own commentary to make sure that Jack didn't miss anything she felt was important to the movie. As the final battle between Prince Phillip and the evil dragon took place Emma crawled into Kate's lap and settled into her warm embrace. By the time Phillip kissed Aurora and woke her from her long slumber, their little sleeping beauty was falling asleep herself.

Pushing herself to her feet Kate shifted Emma to her hip. "Bed time Doodle Bug.' She said softly.

"It's over?" Emma asked drowsily.

"Yes, the prince rescued the princess and they lived happily ever after." Kate told her and kissed the side of her head. "So, it's time for you to go to bed."

The little girl nodded. "Daddy…?"

Jack stood up then bent to make eye contact with her. "I'll be in to kiss you good night in just a bit, okay?"

Kate made her way back to the bedroom and pulled back the covers letting Emma crawl in."

"Mommy, I forgot Snuggle." She complained.

Smoothing down her bangs Kate sat on the bed next to her. "That's okay. Daddy will bring him in right now." Pulling the covers up, Kate placed a tender kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Sweet dreams baby."

A moment after Kate retreated from the room Jack quietly walked in, stuffed rabbit in hand, and made his way over to the bed. Fixing the toy under her tiny arm he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead also. "Good Night, Angel. Love you."

"Wuv you Daddy…." Emma sleepily mumbled as she drifted off to sleep. Jack watched her sleep for a few minutes noting she displayed the same serene look on her face that he remembered Kate had. _'Like mother, like daughter.' _

When he returned to the living room he discovered that Kate had already loaded the next movie into the DVD player and refreshed their drinks and popcorn.

"Ready for a little fire disaster?" She teased, remote in hand.

Chuckling he joined her back on the couch. "Bring it on."

"Still as cheesy as I remember." Jack joked when the movie was over.

Kate whacked him with a pillow. "It's not that cheesy. Airport '75 was cheesier."

Rubbing his arm where he had hit him he cocked his head to the side. "Remind me again which one is that one?"

"You remember…Karen Black was the stewardess that had to fly the plane after the pilot was injured. Charleton Heston was the hero that parachuted into the plane and landed it safely."

"I thought that was Airport '76"

"No, no…Dean Martin was the pilot in Airport '76." Kate replied, then noticed the smile on Jack's face. "What?"

He shook his head. "You're so up on these movies and you were just a kid when most of them came out…It's cute." He added before looking down, a slight blush on his cheeks.

Kate felt her own light blush hit her cheeks as well. "My dad's a big fan, remember? We always watched them whenever they came on television." She said quickly. "I grew up on action adventures shows and movies."

"Explains the whole need to run into the jungle gun in hand." He teased.

Kate uncharacteristically stuck her tongue out at him. "Look who's talking, 'Mr. Chasing Unknown Dangers'.

"Well, somebody had to do it." Jack replied with a laugh.

"And who better than one of those hardcore surgeons." Kate joined in his laughter.

"That's me…hard core." Jack replied quoting one of their first conversations on the island.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment as each flashbacked to that moment years earlier. Looking up at him Kate realized how close they were sitting. Gazing at him for a moment she felt herself drawn into his warm dark eyes like so many times before. _What was it about him that set him apart from the other men in her life?_ Something that had formed a bond with her from almost the moment they had first met, dazed and confused in that warm jungle clearing. A bond that only strengthen as they got to know each other and a bond that now included a child – something that would tie them to each other for the rest of their lives.

Leaning further Kate drew her gaze to his lips when suddenly the name "Phillip" popped in her head and she pulled back quickly. "I should probably get to sleep." She announced.

"Okay…" Jack said slowly, a slight tone of disappointment in his voice. He could have sworn she was leaning in so he could kiss her.

She stood up and reached for the near empty bowl of popcorn. "I'll put this in the kitchen and I'll get the glasses." She offered. As she reached for one of the glasses her fingers brushed against his as he was reaching for the same glass. A small tingle went down her arm.

"I got this." Jack told her in a low voice.

She nodded and handed him the bowl. "I'll see you in the morning, then."

He nodded. "Good Night"

"Good Night."

The next morning after a breakfast of smiley face pancakes, with Jack coming up with a creative idea of using jam and fruit to make the faces, Kate and Emma packed up to return to their home, assured by their patient that he was feeling much better.

As Kate walked through her front door her cell phone rang. It was Phillip.

"Hi." She greeted as she put her purse down and Emma ran off to the living room.

"So, how's your friend?" Phillip asked.

"Excuse me?"

"I heard you had a friend who was sick and you were looking after last night."

Kate swallowed hard. "Oh? How did you hear that?"

"I stopped by to see you last night and found Claire home. She told me there had been a change in plans and that you had gone over to a friend's house to look after her because she had gotten sick."

'_She'_

Kate let out a small sigh of relief. _'Thank you Claire.'_ "She's better now."

"Good to hear. So, this someone I know?"

"What?"

"I'm just wondering who it is." Phillip probed, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Really? Well, as a matter of fact, you don't know her. She's one of the girls that works at Rudy's…one of the waitresses…Nancy." Kate replied quickly.

"Oh, well, I hope Nancy appreciated your help." Phillip commented.

"It was appreciated." Kate told him not wishing to elaborate much further. "So, what are you up to today?"

"Oh, just a couple of things. I've got a meeting in about a half hour and then I'm going to go look at a restaurant that I'm thinking of investing in."

"Aren't restaurants a hassle to own?"

"I'd be a minority partner. Hey, listen, how about I come by and pick you up and we can have a late lunch there? Check out the food?"

"How about we make it an early dinner?" Kate countered. "I have to swing by work for a couple of hours and then I've got to work on Emma's party plans."

"You're still set on having the backyard deal with kids and balloons?"

"Well, that's normally what you do with kids' birthday parties." She laughed.

"I know, but you could save yourself the hassle and we could just take her out to a nice restaurant for a special dinner. Even have the waiter bring out some cake."

"She's going to be three, Phillip. Going for a fancy dinner is hardly a fun idea to her." Kate told him.

"My kids seemed to enjoy it." Phillip replied confidently.

"You never had birthday parties for your kids?" Kate asked shocked.

"We did when I was married, but it was all my ex's doing. She'd make a big deal of it all. But after I got divorced it was simpler to take them to dinner and stop by a toy store." He explained.

"Well, Emma's getting a birthday party." Kate replied firmly. "Complete with cake, balloons and decorations. I'm even going to get a piñata for the kids to break."

"Okay."

"Oh, and did I tell you, my dad and Carrie are both going to fly out for the weekend, isn't that great?"

"So, I get to meet Carrie, huh?" Phillip remarked about the young woman that Kate spoke so highly of.

"Yeah, she's excited to finally get to meet you since you were out of town the last time she came to visit." Kate replied. "Maybe we can all go to dinner the Friday before to give you guys a chance to get to know each other before the party."

"Sure, if you want."

"Good. I'll talk to Carrie about it." Kate glanced at her watch. "So, what time are we meeting for dinner?"

A few minutes later she shut the phone, already making a mental note of what errands she need to run.

"You know, it's not nice to lie to your fiancé." A gruff voice sounded behind her.

She whirled around. "Jeez, Sawyer, what the hell…"

"Oh, careful, with the naughty words there, Freckles." He smirked, as he leaned his form against the door frame.

Kate's green eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms across her chest. "Were you eavesdropping, James?"

"Only the part where you lied about your sick friend…or did Jack suddenly change his name to Nancy?"

"Claire told him that story last night." Kate replied. "And I don't believe you!"

"Me?" He replied, the smirk still on his face. "I'm not the one telling Ol' Phil little white lies."

Kate knew he had a point. "No, you're the one lurking around listening in on private conversations. What are you doing home at this time of the morning anyway?"

Sawyer smiled at her obvious attempt to change the topic. "I have a dentist appointment this morning." He told her. "I was getting ready to leave." As she stood there and looked at the pretty brunette, who was turned slightly away from him, he knew she wasn't as angry with him about the eavesdropping as she was displaying. She was more upset that he was calling her on her lie to Phillip. Spending that time with Jack had certainly had some sort of affect on her. But he decided to try and make things a little better. "Look, Freckles, I'm sorry, you're right. I shouldn't have been listening. It's none of my business."

Nodding, Kate's posture relaxed a bit and she dropped her arms to her sides. "Thanks.' She said softly.

He waited a moment then realized she wasn't going to say anything more on the subject. "Okay, then, I better get going or I'll lost the appointment."

"Yeah, I need to check on Emma."

As he passed her on his way to the front door, he stopped and lingered for a moment. "You know, Freckles, it ain't much fun being married to somebody that don't love you." He commented seriously.

"Phillip loves me." Kate replied confidently.

He looked at her, his deep blue eyes almost piercing as he spoke. "Phillip ain't the problem."

As he walked away he heard her reply. "I love Phillip."

"Keep telling yourself that." He said under his breath as he closed the door behind him. "You might eventually convenience yourself."

**TBC**

**A/N: I've noticed as I've gone on in this story that I seem to be using Sawyer as kind of the voice of reason. He's kind of turning into the big Jater trying to push these two together without them knowing it. **

**Coming up**:_** The events before Emma's party and the party itself. Plus will Jack and Kate share another close moment?? **_


	56. Ch 56 Pre Party Plans

_A/N: Yes, way too much time has passed since the last update and this one. I won't bore you with excuses and reasons for the delay. But I haven't forgotten about this story and I'm still working on it. Here is the next update – I was going to make this part and Emma's party all one chapter, but that would make it too long, so I broke it up into two chapters. Hope you guys like this and hope you are still reading! As always reviews are most welcomed…._

_As usual, don't own Lost or the characters of Lost. _

**CHAPTER 56 – PRE-PARTY EVENTS**_  
_

The weekend of Emma's birthday approached quickly and before they knew it, it was the Thursday before and Sam and Carrie were both arriving that day. Since Emma had a doctor's appointment at the time of Sam's arrival Jack offered to pick up the older man at the airport and Kate would go pick up Carrie, who wasn't arriving until the afternoon.

As she stood in the airport, Emma's hand tightly in hers, Kate scanned the crowd for the red head. Carrie spotted her first.

"Kate!"

Turning around Kate saw Carrie, sporting a slightly longer and wavier hairdo, weaving between a couple of people to get to her.

"Carrie! Hi!" Kate happily cried out as her friend pulled her into a big hug.

"Oh my God, it's so good to see you."

"Yeah, you too!"

"Oh my God…Emma, sweetie!" Carrie squealed as she spotted the little girl at Kate's side. "You look so big…and pretty." She dropped down to her knees in front of her god-daughter.

"Hi, Aunt Carrie." Emma greeted her politely. She didn't really remember the woman, but her mother had told her about Carrie, and she knew the woman always seemed to send her presents, which was a good thing. Carrie was also something her mother called her "god mother" but Emma wasn't sure what that meant.

"Are you all excited about your birthday?" Carrie asked her cheerfully. "There's going to be a cake and presents."

Emma smiled at the mention of her favorite topic of the moment. "Ah huh…and a jumpy castle."

"Really? You're getting a jumpy castle too?" Carrie exclaimed. "That is one of my most favorite birthday things to do…jump in a castle." She poked Emma in her side eliciting a giggle. "Maybe you and I will get to do some jumping." She said before standing up and putting her hand out. "Want to walk with me to get my luggage?"

The little girl looked up at her mother who nodded, telling her it was okay. A short time later the three had made their way through baggage claim and were in Kate's car heading towards home. Carrie was busy filling Kate in on her latest boyfriend.

"He's a painter?" Kate asked with a smirk. "You mean, like houses?"

Carrie rolled her eyes. "Very funny, No, like paintings. He's getting some pieces together to try and get a show. If he can do that he thinks his career will take off?"

"So is he any good? Has he made any money at this?"

"Well, he's still trying to get established."

"But he does have a job, right?" Kate asked as she maneuvered through traffic.

"Of course!" Carrie said with a slight hesitation in her voice. "He….paints houses." She added.

Kate glanced over at her friend trying to keep a straight face. "You're kidding, right?"

Carrie pressed her lips together in a mock pout and shook her head. "Nope."

There was a moment of silence before both women broke out in laughter.

"I know, I know," Carrie laughed. "But at least he's good in bed."

"Hey, watch it!" Kate scolded. "Little ears present."

They both glanced to the back seat and saw an oblivious Emma playing with her rag doll. Sensing she was being looked at the little looked up. "Mommy?"

"What Doodle Bug?" Kate asked cautiously as she shot a look at Carrie.

"Is Gwampa going to be there?"

"At the house?" Kate glanced up in the rear view mirror at her daughter again. "He should be. Your daddy went to get him from the airport this morning."

"Can I show him my puppets?"

Jack had recently bought Emma a box of various puppets and she and Aaron had been having puppet shows off and on since.

"I'm sure your grandpa will love to have you show him your puppets."

"And can he go to the park with us again?" Emma asked anxiously.

Kate laughed, enjoying Emma's excitement over her grandfather's visit. Sam doted on her every chance he could and Emma loved it and him. "We'll see baby, maybe tomorrow if we're not too busy with your party plans."

Carrie watched as Kate turned the corner and they were now in a residential are heading to the neighborhood where she lived. "You know, I could just as easily stay in a hotel." She commented.

"Are you kidding?" Kate shook her head. "No way."

"I know, but you've got some limited space and your dad's here…"

"Don't worry about it. Jack offered up his extra room, so my dad's going to be staying with him." The brunette explained.

"And your dad's okay with that?"

"Sure. He and Jack have always gotten along."

"Well, still that was awfully nice of him to offer up." Carrie observed as they pulled into the driveway, wondering why Phillip hadn't been the one to offer up his home. From what Kate had said he owned a nice sized house.

Her attention was drawn back to Kate getting out of the vehicle and popping the lock on the rear hatch of the SUV. While Kate got Emma out of her car seat, Carrie pulled out her luggage and started lugging it around the vehicle. Just then Jack's jeep pulled up and he and Sam jumped out.

"Here, I've got that." Same quickly offered up as he made his way over to the red head.

"Yeah, I'll grab the other." Jack added as he gave Kate and Emma a quick hello.

"Gwampa!" Emma broke into a smile as she ran over and hugged the older man.

Sam returned her smile and lifted her up into a hug. "Well, there's my birthday girl." Pulling back, he kissed her on the forehead, noting how much she reminded him of Kate as a child. "Are you ready for your party on Saturday?"

The little girl nodded grinning. "Ah huh. All ready."

Slipping the child back on the sidewalk he grabbed the remaining suitcase and followed the rest of the group into the house.

After settling Carrie in the den the two girls disappeared into Kate's room for some more girl talk while Sam joined Jack out in the patio to keep an eye on Emma and Aaron playing in the yard.

"So, son, you haven't told me yet, how are you adjusting to fatherhood?" Sam asked as he twisted the cap off his beer.

Jack nodded as he took a sip of his own beer. "I'm enjoying it so far."

"Nothing like it, huh?"

Jack looked out to see Emma in the middle of the sandbox trying to help Aaron build a sand city. Her expression reflecting a concentration as her little palm patted down a small mound of dirt into a square shape. "Yeah, it's pretty incredible…she's pretty incredible."

Sam chuckled. "That she is and she looks just like her mom did when Kate was that age." He paused to take another drink. "It used to make my day to come home to that little face that would light up when she saw me, anxious to tell me everything she had done that day. I imagine it's the same with you and Emma."

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Except that I don't get to come home to her." He replied wistfully. "And eventually Phillip is the one she'll be greeting."

Sam felt a wave of empathy for the young man's current situation. He knew it too well after Diane and he divorced. He might not have been Kate's biological father, but he was her dad and for awhile he was full of resentment toward Wayne, knowing full well that man hadn't wanted the little girl in the first place and yet he was around her on a daily basis. "Phillip's not her father." He stated firmly then turned and looked at the other man. "You and Emma have a bond that she's not going to have with anyone else. And that's not a bond easily broken…it may bend a bit." He chuckled as he took another sip of beer. "I know that first hand, but you're the one she's going to come to when she needs something, when something good has happened to her…and bad. You're the one she's going to depend on to be there for her no matter what. You're her hero…at least until she meets the man she'll eventually marry."

Jack's face paled a bit at the comment. "Marry? Give me a break, I've got a few years before I have to worry about boys."

Sam reached over and slapped Jack on the shoulder. "It'll be here sooner than you think. It doesn't feel that long ago that Katie was running around with me out in the fields with braids and skinned knees and then all of a sudden she's making me a grandfather."

"And getting married…." Jack trailed off.

Sam looked over at the young man again for a long moment before he brought the bottle up to his lips to take another drink. "I wouldn't be so quick to declare that war over."

"Excuse me?"

The older man winked. "Katie has always been a fairly decisive girl when she wants to be. She sets her mind on something…that's part of what got her in trouble with the whole Wayne situation, she decided to take matters into her own hands and…well…"

"What are you trying to say, Sam?" Jack asked confused.

"Just that she hasn't set a wedding date yet, so that tells me, even if she won't admit it, Katie isn't all fired up to marry Phillip."

Now it was Jack's turn to study Sam for a moment. Realization dawned on him as he did. "You don't like the guy, do you?" He finally asked with a slight smirk on his face.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing personal against him, I just don't think he's the right guy for her."

Friday evening came and the adults were ready for dinner out. Claire has insisted that Jack come along telling him that Sawyer needed a buffer between him and Phillip. Louise had offered to babysit, but was pleasantly surprised when both Kate and Claire insisted she join them having already arranged for a babysitter.

Meeting the group at the restaurant, with Sam, Jack was surprised when Carrie walked over to him and slipped her arm under his and hooked it. "Looks like you're my date tonight, Jack." She announced cheerfully.

Jack looked down at her and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"Ah-huh. It's either you or Mr. Austen and…" She leaned in a little closer and madder her voice an almost whisper. "…Louise already laid claim, seeing as how they're from the same generation and all."

He shook his head and put a mock look of hurt on his face. "So, I'm last choice then?"

She swatted his forearm lightly and laughed. "Oh please, Dr. Shepard, I doubt if you've ever been 'last choice' in anything."

Kate watched the two as they exchanged a laugh and found herself not liking it. Carrie was acting way too flirty in Kate's opinion. She had a boyfriend back in Los Angeles, didn't she remember that? Her eyes narrowed a bit as she watched them share another joke and Carrie giggle. _'What is wrong with her?' _Kate thought to herself.

At this point the hostess walked up and announced that their table was ready and the group was led through the restaurant to their seating. Claire lingered a moment letting everyone else walk ahead.

"You coming, Blondie?" Sawyer turned back towards her and as he did he saw the mischievous grin on her face. "What?"

"Kate's jealous." She told him, her tone almost giddily.

Sawyer glanced back behind him where the group had been standing and then looked back at his girlfriend. "Jealous of what?"

"Of Carrie flirting with Jack!" She clapped her hands.

He let out a small sigh. Even though he and Carrie had managed to end things on a civil note, he still felt a little awkward being around her now that he was with Claire. They didn't go out of their way to spend time with one another, but at the same time were pleasant enough to one another when they were face to face.

"Don't you think you should be mad?" He asked. "I mean, isn't that breaking some girl code?"

Claire rolled her eyes. "Please…that's only if Carrie was really after Jack."

Sawyer shot his girlfriend a sideways squint. "What are you up to, Blondie?"

"Who me? I'm not up to anything." She tapped him on the chest and pointed towards the entrance to the main part of the restaurant. "We'd better get in there before they wonder what happened to us."

Sawyer watched his girlfriend walk away, her hips holding a slight sway and he slowly shook his head. Whatever she had planned, Sawyer thought, neither Kate nor Jack would know what hit them.

Dinner went pleasantly enough, though Phillip left the table on three occasions to take phone calls in addition to a few text messages he received as they ate. Sam found the behavior to be on the rude side and mumbled as much to Louise the third time Phillip excused himself with his blackberry to his ear.

"You'd think he would have shut that thing off tonight."

Kate, who was sitting next to him, overheard. "He's in the middle of a business venture in Germany, Dad." She explained, slightly embarrassed at having to make the explanation.

"And that can't take a break for a couple of hours while he sits down to a meal?" Sam shot back. "It's rude, Katie. It gives the impression that he'd rather be somewhere else than here with us."

Kate wasn't sure what to say in response so she remained quiet. Feeling like she needed a quick rescue Jack spoke up. "You know, Sam, I'm sure Phillip doesn't mean to give that impression. I've had more than a couple of dinners out interrupted by a call from the hospital."

"But you're a doctor and those emergencies can be life threatening."

Jack nodded slowly realizing his comment didn't help much. "I guess. I'm just saying you can get focused on a situation and not realize what you're doing."

Kate gave him a small smile silently thanking him for his attempt to help and willingness to stick up for Phillip. Jack returned her smile. At that moment the waitress appeared with a tray of desserts to serve so Sam decided to let the topic drop, but not before one last comment.

"Still say that it's rude." He told his daughter who nodded.

"I know." She agreed softly, as a plate of chocolate mousse was placed in front of her, wishing at that moment that Phillip had been a doctor because then at least he could claim 'life threatening' as a reason to take the calls instead of 'important to the deal…'

A short time later as the group stood in the lobby of the restaurant getting ready to leave Kate walked up to where Jack, Carrie and her father were standing. "Ahum…Jack, were you planning on stopping by to say goodnight to Emma?" She asked quietly.

Jack glanced at his watch to make sure it wasn't too late.

"I'm sure she'd really like it." Kate added quickly.

Making eye contact with the pretty brunette, he nodded and gave her a small smile. "Sure, I'd like to say good night to her too." He turned to Sam. "You don't mind swinging by the house, do you?"

Sam shook his head. "And miss a chance to see my grand daughter?"

Kate broke into a smile. "Okay, if I catch a ride with you guys? It'll save Phillip a trip since the house isn't really on his way to his place from here."

Claire, who had been standing nearby and over heard, spoke up quickly. "Well, Carrie and Aunt Louise are coming with us so that should work out perfect."

Jack, secretly happy that Kate wasn't going home with Phillip, gave her an agreeing nod. "Yeah, no problem."

Satisfied, Kate walked over to Phillip and tapped him gently on the arm. "I'm going to catch a ride with my dad and Jack back to the house." She told him.

Phillip frowned. "What? I thought you'd be coming back to my place."

"Can't, I have to get up early tomorrow and get everything set up for the party." She reminded him gently.

Glancing over at Jack for a moment, his eyes narrowing in suspicion, he ducked his head down closer to Kate's. "Well, I can give you a ride."

But Kate shook her head firmly. "Don't be silly. It's out of your way from here and they're going that way." Her tone indicating it made practical sense.

"I don't mind." Phillip replied stubbornly, not in the mood to have his fiancée spend any additional time tonight around Jack Shepard. It was bad enough that he had been invited to join them all for dinner with Phillip finding out about it at the last minute. And it jarred Phillip's nerves to see Sam Austen getting along well with Jack while he struggled to try and make a connection with the older man. But he was determined to make headway this weekend knowing that he needed Sam in his corner to help Kate commit to a wedding date in the near future.

"Phillip, really, it's okay." Kate told him as the group walked out to the parking lot. "You go home, get some work done and then come over tomorrow for the party."

He gave a brief frown. "You're still insisting on me attending that? I mean, it's for a bunch of little kids."

Kate raised an eyebrow and looked at him directly in the eyes. "They'll be other adults there. And besides, I would think you'd want to be there seeing as how you're going to be her step-father."

Phillip caught the tone of disappointment in her voice and quickly tried to recover, giving her his best smile. "Of course, babe, I'm going to be there. I was just kidding. And I've got a great gift for Emma. She's going to love it."

Kate returned his smile and nodded. "I'm sure she will. She loves getting gifts." Glancing back at her father and Jack waiting, she reached up and gave her fiancé a quick kiss goodnight. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Turning quickly she walked over to the Jeep and joined Jack in the front seat as Sam took the backseat for the ride home. A short time later they pulled into up to the curb just behind Claire's four runner. Stepping inside the house they found both kids still up watching a movie with the sitter.

Announcing it was time for bed Kate scooped up Emma and proceeded to the bedroom. She stopped at the hallway and looked over her shoulder. "Coming Jack?" She asked in a low voice.

Glancing at Sam who gave him a knowing smile, Jack dipped his head before following the brunette to bedroom to put their daughter to bed. Excited about her party the next day it took both Jack reading a story and Kate singing a lullaby before the little girl finally closed her eyes for the night.

"Thanks for letting me help get her sleep." Jack said as they walked to the living room.

"You're welcome." Kate smiled, "She really likes it when you read to her."

"Yeah?" Jack asked as he nodded. "I do too."

**TBC**

**Coming up**: _**Emma's party of course! And hopefully some Jate time too. **_


End file.
